Chapter Text
Chapter 2
Kinn's POV
I had a free day today, the meeting I had later got postponed due to some technical issues so I decided to get started with a few pending work I had. The dull pain in my chest was there but it was easier to ignore it now. I briefly wondered if that pain would ever go away or if I would just get used to it as time passed. I was just starting to gain focus when my phone dinged with a notification.
I glanced at my phone, my attention diverting entirely to the lightened screen when I saw who it was from. I looked at my phone in incredulity and anticipation.
Porschay
(2:15pm) Kinn, can we talk?
I almost dropped my phone in my disbelief. Why would Chay want to talk to me? I've never met up with him alone, always with Porsche so this must be for something important, right? I typed out a text with trembling fingers. Does he need something? Is Porsche okay? I hated how much I still cared, it would take a while to not care, or maybe it would take forever. All I knew right now was that I wanted to make sure Porsche was okay.
Kinn
What is it? (2:17pm)
His reply was instantaneous.
Porschay
can we meet somewhere? I need to tell you something (2:17pm)
My heart hammered inside my chest, all the possibilities stringing themselves together and dancing in my mind. I tried to calm myself down.
Kinn
Sure, where do you want to meet? (2:18pm)
Porschay sent me a location, I opened it to see a restaurant 10 minutes away from the compound. Without a second thought, without thinking of the consequences, without thinking of just how pathetic I was being. I grabbed my car keys and walked out to see Big and Ken standing outside the door. They both straightened up when they saw me approaching them.
"Big, come with me, I'm leaving for lunch" "yes Khun Kinn, with whom-" "don't ask unnecessary questions" I couldn't care about answering him right now, my mind running wild. "Yes Khun" he answered. Porschay was my only way to Porsche at this point, he was my only hope, even if that hope was a dim light in a fading room, even if Porsche wanted nothing to do with me. Big opened the car door for me and got in the driver's seat himself, setting the location I gave him.
What could Porschay possibly have to say to me? I kept wondering, my heart still racing in anticipation. The 10-minute ride felt like an eternity, with me constantly on the edge with my nervousness. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the decided restaurant. This was it, my only chance. I took a deep breath and walked in, ignoring Big's presence behind me.
I spotted Porschay right away, in his usual bright clothes, sipping on a drink while looking out the window. I approached him with careful steps, my heart going haywire. "Hey" I said, not knowing what else to say. "P'Kinn" he said, turning to face me, he looked tense, similar to the how I felt.
I took the empty seat parallel to his, stretching to make myself comfortable, trying to look more unaffected than I felt. I closely observed Porschay as he shifted in his chair under my careful gaze. It was very easy to read Porschay unlike his brother. Porschay was an open book while if Porsche built walls around himself, it was impossible to find out what he was thinking of.
"What did you want to talk about?" I asked the question that's been driving me crazy for the past hour. "P'Kinn..." He trails off, gulping nervously before taking a huge sip of his lemonade. I had never seen him like this before so I felt a little concerned. "What is it, Chay?" I asked, my voice softer this time. I had always considered Porschay as a younger brother. His meek and shy personality made me want to protect him against the world and I always understood Porsche’s protectiveness over him.
"P'Kinn... Porsche didn't want to break up with you" he quickly let out at once. My breath hitched at his words. What does he mean? I felt a dangerous spark of hope being ignited in my chest, letting warmth spread all over me. "What do you mean?" My voice trembled. If Porsche didn't want to break up, why would he? It made no sense at all. Porschay's eyes shifted around frantically before he leaned in closer to whisper.
"It's mom. She found out about you and Porsche, she made him break up with you" disbelief filled me at his words. Why would Porsche's mom make him do that? I had never met Porsche's parents before mainly because he needed some time to introduce me to them. I felt a little upset when he first refused to let me meet his parents but I soon understood where he was coming from.
Porsche loved his parents a lot, especially his mom, and their approval meant the world to him. So I didn't mind him needing a little extra time to make sure our first meeting went perfectly, with no mistakes. Whenever Porsche spoke about his mother, his eyes would light up like fireworks and his voice would soften like melted butter, it always made my heart warm to see him like that.
He always complimented her, calling her the most wonderful woman to the point where I couldn't wait to meet her, then why would she force her son to break up with his lover. That didn't make her sound wonderful at all. Before I could recover from what was just revealed to me, Porschay continued.
"Porsche is devastated. He tries to act okay, but he's really not. His eyes are always puffy from crying no matter how much he tries to hide it and he doesn't really smile anymore. I barely see him because he's always locked up in his room" my heart squeezed painfully in my chest, imagining what Porsche was going through. While I was blaming him the past few days, he had been suffering just as much as me.
I still couldn't wrap my head around why his mom would ask him to do that. Porschay seemed to read my mind. He took another big gulp of his drink before speaking. "I... I also don't know why mom is acting like this, P'Kinn. I think she wanted Porsche to date a girl so she's upset. I never thought mom could think like this though, I always thought she was open minded but I guess not" I clenched my hand, trying to keep my rage inside at those words.
I knew how Porsche felt about people not accepting him for liking men, which was the reason why it took him so long to realize that he liked me. He had completely shut that part of him inside and now he had finally been coming in terms with his true self. I felt anger at whoever made him feel like that tiny, worthless self again, it didn't matter if it was his mom.
Porschay looked as upset as I felt, he looked disappointed and almost indignant at his mother's mindset. I immediately felt sympathy for him. I can imagine how it hard must've been on both the brothers to go through something like this. He suddenly looked up at me with an urgency. "P'Kinn, you have to do something quick, mom is making Porsche get married" "what?!"
Porsche's POV
I was lying in bed, staring up at my white ceiling silently. I don't know when this became a routine but I always find myself in the same position. Alone in my room, with nothing but a taunting voice in my head and the fear of living a meaningless life.
Everything felt like it was on repeat, with me going to college during the day and crying myself to sleep at night, sometimes with Porschay cuddled up by my side, trying to comfort me. I really couldn't thank him enough for doing what he was for me, I could see how desperately he wanted to help but I knew there was no way he could.
There was a quiet knock on my door. "Come in" I called, my voice still hoarse from crying an hour ago. I sat up on my bed when I saw who it was, my chest tightening.
Nina walked in with a soft smile on her face, looking at me with the same glow in her eyes that always made me look away. "Can I sit here?" She asked pointing to the corner of my bed. "Sure" I muttered, moving my notebooks aside to make room for her to sit.
My room was incredibly messy, with my clothes and books lying randomly around the room. I felt a tinge of embarrassment but I hadn't found it in me to clean my room these past few days, they've just been too hard. Nina had been our neighbor since as long as I could remember, I practically grew up with her.
We did everything together, from riding our first bikes to doing homework together every day after school. Despite all that, I only ever considered Nina as a best friend. I loved her, a lot, but it had never been in a romantic way. I couldn't even imagine us being together, it made me feel sick. I don't know when Nina started confusing my love for her as a friend to something else, I don't know if I led her on but I have no idea what to do now.
"How are you?" She asked, as I looked everywhere but her, I couldn't bear to. "I'm alright" I said, staring at the small pile of clothes lying in the corner of my room. I finally looked up at her when I heard her scoff. Nina looked at me with disbelief written all over her face. "No you're not, you seriously expect me to buy that bullshit? What happened?"
How do I tell her that she's not the one I love, how do I tell her that I can't marry her, that I can't see a life with her, how do I tell her that I'll only ruin her life because I'll never see her as something more than a friend? My thoughts were interrupted when she placed her hand on mine. I gulped at the sight of our intertwined hands.
"Do you love someone else?" I looked at her in alarm, withdrawing my hand back in shock. What the hell? Nina gave me a sad knowing smile. "We’ve been friends for years now, Porsche, I know you well enough to tell something is going on" she explained. "Sure" I huffed out a small humor less laugh.
"Porsche" she said seriously, making me focus on her, "I don't want you to marry someone you don't love, I want you to be happy" she looked sincere when she said it making my throat constrict, I didn't know what to say.
"I love you Porsche, I always have. But I can't force you to love me back. But what I can do is help you, what I want to do is make you happy. So we're going to find a way to get out of this mess okay? Together, hm?" I couldn't help it, I pulled Nina into a tight hug, a tear escaping my eyes. It felt good to hold her after so long, with no tense energy between us, just like the old days. And for the first time in a while, I felt okay.
Kinn’s POV
I was taking my 10th lap around the garden before I heard an exasperated sigh behind me, that could only belong to one person. “Ai Kinn, what do you think you’re doing?” a voice demanded from behind me. I turned around to see Tankhun standing in front of the entrance with both his hands on his waist, annoyance painted all over his face. He was wearing a leopard print cape that he saw his current favorite idol wear on a show and had demanded it be brought to him the very next day. “Nothing” I answered, not stopping my walk.
Tankhun started walking beside me, “of course, something’s wrong, you’re scaring all the guards. I heard it from Arm and Pol” he huffed out. I turned to look at the said bodyguards, still standing at the entrance, who had their head bowed in guilt. “It’s Porsche…” I trailed off, not knowing how to explain. “Arm, Pol, leave! Don’t you see that this is a very personal conversation?” “Yes Khun” they replied, bowing their head dutifully before leaving us alone in Ma’s garden. It’s still just as beautiful as it was when she was alive and tended to it herself. I made sure to hire expensive gardeners just so they can maintain the garden to look the exact same.
“What about Porsche?” Khun asked in a much softer voice, the kind of voice he used to talk in when he would catch me crying in my room with Ma’s picture. “His mom… She’s forcing him to get married with someone else” “What? Why?” I flinched at his loud voice. “I don’t know” I sighed, rubbing my forehead. I could feel a throbbing headache forming already. “Well you have to stop her then” he mumbled, starting to join my pacing. “It’s not that easy, Khun” I muttered. Tankhun stopped walking, “What do you mean it’s not easy? - and stop pacing for God’s sake, you’re making me dizzy!” I stopped to stare at a purple flower behind Tankhun with a sigh.
“It’s just that… you know Pa won’t like it” I replied. I only looked at his face in surprise when he suddenly burst out laughing. “What?” I asked, confused. Tankhun finally stopped laughing to pat me on the shoulder with a small humorless smile on his face, “ah Kinn, when have you ever cared about Pa when you really wanted something? When have you ever listened to him when you had set your mind to something? Why start now Kinn?” “I know but-“ “Kinn, I know that boy means something to you okay? Don’t lose him just cause of Pa’s petty games and words. Go after him. Don’t make a choice that you’ll regret at 60” he said in a soft voice.
I felt myself smiling and pulled my older brother in a hug that he easily complied to and held me just as tightly, “I was going to go after him anyway Khun, but I appreciate your words, they mean a lot to me”. Tankhun let out a small laugh, “Kinn, you’re the only one of us that might care even just a little bit about what Pa thinks, but for once think about yourself.” I pulled back and nodded at him with a small smile.
Porsche’s POV
“Are you ready, darling?” I heard my mom call out from outside my room. I sighed as I looked at the mirror one last time, “Yeah” I shouted back. The only thing stopping me from not running away right now was Nina’s promise. I trusted her, a lot. I had to. Mom walked in and smiled when she saw me, “You look so handsome, you look like a prince” she said, fixing my hair and then my black suit. Her eyes moved up from the buttons of my coat to my face and she frowned.
“Why do you look so sad, my love?” she asked, caressing my face. I closed my eyes for a second and took in a deep breath before opening them again. “It’s because you took the person I actually love away from me mom” I muttered in a low voice. Her frown deepened, she opened her mouth, no doubt to chastise me but before she could do that, Porschay burst into the room with huge panicked eyes. I got up to my feet immediately, my protective instincts surging, ready to ask what’s wrong but he beat me to it. “Hia… Kinn’s here.”