Chapter Text
It only took a few days after meeting the Avengers for Peter to end up on the bridge again. He looked down at the now familiar sight of the water below and swung his legs slightly. He felt calmer up here, knowing that he had a choice. A choice to just finish it, a choice to end it all.
But every time he got close to making that choice he thought of Tony. He thought of the man who had taken him in, made him feel loved and cared for when Peter thought he’d never have someone to love him or care for him again. And then he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t choose to end the lab days and the movie nights and the rushed takeout dinners at the breakfast bar, trying to wolf down their food as fast as possible so Pepper would let them go back to whatever new idea they were working on.
He flipped his phone over in his hand a few times. He couldn’t call Sam, he knew that if he did the man was sure to tell Tony everything. But he needed someone right now.
There were dozens of volunteers at the callback service right? Maybe even hundreds. What were the odds he’d get Sam twice in a row? Pretty much zero, Peter thought. It was basically impossible.
Peter forgot to take into account his Parker luck.
“You have reached the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, also servicing the Veterans service line. If you are in emotional distress or suicidal crisis or are concerned about someone who might be, we’re here to help. Please remain on the line while we route your call to the nearest crisis centre in our network”
Peter almost hung up again. He felt like a burden calling twice in just one week. But he just needed someone to talk to, someone to take his mind off the inviting waters below.
“You’ve reached the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, this is Sam speaking.”
There was now way.
There was absolutely no fucking way.
Peter hung up the phone faster than he ever had in his life. Breathing hard, Peter stared at his phone as if it was going to attack him. Then it lit up.
Sam was calling him.
Peter sat and stared for a moment, unsure what to do. He could ignore it, say he was busy or something. He could let it ring out and hope that Sam would assume he was out with friends or doing homework. But what if Sam called Tony? What if he asked where he was? What if Sam told Tony everything? He couldn’t risk that. So with shaking hands Peter answered the phone.
“Heyyy Sam, what’s up?” Peter said in the most cheerful sounding voice he could muster.
“Hey, kid. Listen, I was just wondering where you were,” Sam said, his voice laced with suspicion.
“Just at the Tower, in my room. Why do you ask?” Peter chuckled nervously before cursing himself. He sounded ridiculous, Sam was definitely going to know something was up.
“So you won’t mind if I call FRIDAY to confirm then?” Sam asked as if he already knew the answer.
“No!” Peter exclaimed too quickly before forcing himself to calm down. “No, really I’m-”
“Look, kid, I was worried about you. Don’t be mad, but when I got a hang up call I checked the number against yours. I know it was you. Where are you?”
Peter sighed. So the jig was up. There was no way he could lie anymore.
“I’m fine, okay?” He almost pleaded. “I just wanted to talk to someone and I thought… I thought-”
“You thought, what are the chances you’d get me again?” Sam guessed, a slight smile in his voice despite the situation. Peter laughed humorlessly.
“Yeah.” he mumbled, looking down at his feet.
“Well, we can still talk. Just pretend we don’t know each other. Pretend you’re talking to some stranger from the hotline service,” Sam said cheerfully. Peter couldn’t help but laugh a little.
“I don’t know if I can,” He admitted.
“Sure you can. Look, pretend I’m David.”
Peter laughed out loud at this, for what felt like the first time in weeks.
“David?” He questioned.
“Yeah, he’s a work buddy, he works at the desk next to me when he’s on shift,” Sam said. “Hi, I’m David, can you tell me what’s going on tonight?”
Peter laughed again before sobering slightly. “Listen, I promise I’m fine Sam I just-”
“David,” Sam corrected.
“Right, David,” Peter snorted. “I guess I just needed someone to talk to, but it’s fine-”
Sam cut Peter off again. “You never need to apologise or feel ashamed of needing someone to talk to,” He said in that calming voice that had helped Peter just a few days ago. Peter couldn’t help but trust that voice.
“Did anything happen tonight that triggered you to feel this way?” Sam asked.
“Not really,” Peter hummed. “Just- I don’t know, everything. I don’t even know why I feel so… depressed? I guess?” Peter said, desperately trying to explain. “I just do,” He mumbled the last part.
“Sometimes there is no reason for depression,” Sam said softly. “It just is.”
Peter nodded, again remembering Sam couldn’t see him. “Yeah, I guess.”
“So,” Sam said, “What do you think would help you feel better tonight?”
“I don’t know,” Peter sighed. “If I knew that I wouldn’t be here.”
“And where’s here, kiddo?” Sam asked quietly, as if he feared the answer. Peter sighed.
“I’ll go home,” he sighed, knowing there was no way he was jumping tonight. He couldn’t do that to Sam, he couldn’t jump straight after this phone call. He couldn’t let Sam blame himself, couldn’t let him wonder if he could have done a better job.
“That’s a good start, Peter,” Peter could hear Sam’s smile through the phone. “And hey, I’m about to knock off, why don’t we watch your favourite movie and have some hot chocolate?” Sam lowered his voice, clearly making sure none of his coworkers overheard what he was saying.
“Oh no, Mr. Sam, you really don’t have to-” Peter started, but Sam cut him off.
“I want to, Peter. Besides, I’ve been desperately wanting to watch any movie that’s not Mulan,” he laughed. Peter laughed with him. He had learned Mulan was Natasha’s favourite movie, and he had got the feeling Natasha got her way a lot around the Avenger’s compound.
“Okay then. I’ll see you there,” Peter smiled slightly.
“See you there, Peter.” Sam said, waiting to let Peter hang up the phone.
Sam sighed, leaning back in his chair. This wasn’t good. Peter had called twice in one week, and both times he was clearly in immediate danger. He had to tell Tony, there was no way around this anymore. He had thought he was doing what was best for the kid by keeping their last phone call a secret, but there were obviously some major issues in Peter’s life that needed to be addressed properly.
Sam knew the signs of depression, he knew what it meant when someone was feeling suicidal with no real reason. Suicidal thoughts with no real trigger were dangerous, and they didn’t often go away on their own. Without proper treatment Peter wasn’t going to get any better, and he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, get proper treatment unless Tony was informed of the situation.
Sam also knew the signs of someone who wasn’t willing to reach out for help.
He had lied about knocking off soon, he still had a couple of hours left of his shift at the volunteer service, but he needed to get back to the Tower to talk to Peter. So after feigning a headache to his boss, he left the building and started the flight home.
He needed to talk to the kid before he did anything drastic, like telling Tony. He might have to tell Tony without the kid’s consent, but he sure as hell wasn’t doing it without at least talking to him about it first.