Chapter Text
André noticed in Oscar's eyes that she wanted to ask him something, that she wanted to know something. They were in the stables again, it was early in the morning.
“You are in love.”
André was wordless. Of all the things he thought she would ask him, she asks him that…
It hadn't even been a question.
It was an affirmation. That was his Oscar, the same, the one he loves .
“Who…?”
“I want you to tell me who she is,” Oscar interrupted him. She wasn't going to tell him about the talk with her mother.
“Why do you want to know that? It's not that important.”
“If it is for you, it is for me.”
A deathly silence. André wasn't going to say anything (obviously not, it would be dangerous) so Oscar, in the best possible way, spoke again.
“Is she pretty?”
“The prettiest.”
“Mmm…” that didn't help her, she didn't even know what André's type was. “Does she have anything to do with the Jarjayes house?”
André hesitated to answer. “Arguably.”
“Ah, I know,” with her eyes shining with excitement, Oscar felt that she had hit the nail on the head. “It's Emmanuelle, right?”
André laughed, Emmanuelle was one of the housemaids with whom he had a good relationship but definitely not the one Oscar was imagining “No.”
“Hmm…”
“Give up, Oscar, it has no use,” and she saw him smiling as always, the way she liked, he looked better.
“I need to know who rejected you.”
“Well, she didn't really reject me,” Oscar was paying so much attention to him that André was afraid that at some point she would realize everything. “She doesn't know I'm in love with her.”
Oh, so that was it. He wasn't even heartbroken, yet .
“And… is she good for you?”
“What’s that question?”
“Hey, I'm your friend, I have to know if she's good for you,” a wink, so quick that it had seemed like a simple twitch. “I'm not going to hand you over to just anyone.”
“Is she good for me?” A sigh, more tiring than anything else. “I think it's the other way around” Oscar turned her head slightly but without asking anything. “I’m no good for her.”
“Oh, come on, André, don't think so little of yourself,” a few laughs escaped her when she noticed how stoic and serious her friend was. “What would be the problem? I doubt she's that good.”
“She is.”
“Why? What's so special about her?”
“She is a noble.”
André's voice, which until recently sounded soft, suddenly gained so much strength that it silenced Oscar's childish laughter. No, it wasn't because of the tone. It had been because of the word.
Noble.
She is a noble.
Oscar's face changed drastically, she didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do. She just knew that she couldn't laugh anymore, couldn't laugh at a situation that she should have seen, should have considered. Oscar couldn't say anything, she just waited for André to say something, to defend himself, to react, to-
“Oscar…”
Ah, that voice, that sweet voice, that voice André only uses for her, that voice that helps her sleep during stormy nights, that voice that encourages her every time her father doesn't treat her well, that voice that wants to keep listening...
That she wants to keep listening...
No, that voice can't tell her anything right now, it shouldn't, it can't tell her anything about what she suspects, it doesn't matter that he has that sweet voice, it doesn't matter that it's just the two of them.
I'm not ready.
I don't want to!
No…
I can't.
“Oh, I know, you met her at one of the balls,” she felt agitated and tried to fake a silly laugh, but it didn't work. “We meet many nobles at the balls you accompany me, that's it, isn't it?”
André could have told her the truth, he could have told her about that feeling he recently discovered, that feeling that he knows is forbidden.
“Yes… at a ball.”
But he didn't do it.
“I thought so.”
Silence. Uncomfortable silence.
“But… one day you're going to forget about her,” Oscar nodded several times, trying to convince herself of what she was saying. “Yes, I'm sure you're going to forget about her.”
“Maybe I should take the distance to forget her.”
Distance? What would she do without him? What would he do without her? Oscar cannot imagine a life without André and although everyone says that this is what should happen, she does not accept it. She will never be able to accept it.
No!
“No!”
And Oscar rushed towards him, surprising him. She hugged him like she had never done before as if she wanted to hold him that way as if she wanted to show him everything that she didn’t know how to express. It wasn't the first time they hugged but it was different. They were different.
“Oscar…”
“No, please, no,” she whispered.
“Oscar, we are no longer children…” Still, André returned her hug, taking advantage of smelling her hair, which smelled too good. “If anyone sees us, we're going to be in trouble.”
“I don't care…”
I want to stay like this.
Don’t leave me alone.
I don’t want to become a coward.
Stay with me, André…