Chapter Text
October was chilly, and Chibita had finally broken down and turned on the heat. His nice, warm sleep was only interrupted by Karamatsu’s complimenting himself in the mirror of the bathroom.
“Go do that somewhere else, ya damn idjit!” Chibita begged, wrapping himself up in the sheet of the lone futon in the apartment.
“Not to worry, I was just on my way out!”
“Eh? But don’t you work in the evenings?” Chibita asked, rising from his spot on the futon, stretching and yawning.
“It’s a big day, and I have to get prepared early for it,” Karamatsu explained, stepping out of the bathroom and placing his hands on his hips. “What do you think? Not too much, right?”
“….You look the same as always…”
“Not true! I tried a slightly different shape for my eyebrows! Also I fixed the leak under the sink.”
“Why do you always follow up something stupid with something like that so I can’t be mad at you, idjit!?” Chibita growled, and then looked over at the calendar hung from the otherwise sparingly decorated walls of the apartment. “Damn, that’s today?!”
“Indeed it is. Are you still coming with me?”
“Yeah, just let me make sure Iyami doesn’t need to stay in here tonight, it’s supposed to get cold… Did you feed the cat?”
“Eh? I gave Hercules her breakfast already, and also I brushed her coat.”
“You know you could probably put that energy towards a better job.”
Karamatsu only laughed this off and Chibita rolled his eyes, knowing he should have at least been grateful that Karamatsu had a job of any kind. The longhaired gray cat rubbed herself against Karamatsu’s glittery pants in gratitude of being groomed as he lifted one of his legs and bounded for the front door.
“Where’re you going?”
“Off to see my Karamatsu girl, of course!” said Karamatsu with a wink.
Ichimatsu awoke to a familiar loud yowling and sighed. He reached across the futon for Nanako, but she wasn’t there.
“That’s right… She had work…” Ichimatsu muttered to himself and groggily rose from the bed. He was halfway across the apartment, wondering why the yowling hadn’t paused, before he realized he was actually cradling his and Nanako’s calico cat. He yelped and headed back over to the bed, kneeling on it and pulling up the small bundle from it.
“It’s okay…” he muttered to the small child, tripping his way to the refrigerator to grab a bottle. “Mama’s home in an hour, you’re fine, Matsuko…”
The baby was less excited by this, and more by the bottle that she began to drink from.
“You really are a slave-driver,” Ichimatsu muttered with a wry smirk. “Well done. Papa is proud.”
Ichimatsu wandered through the apartment while she drank from the bottle, and couldn’t help but notice that Nanako had put it back up. He cringed at the sight of the photo, but knew it was just as important to her as the photo next to it, which was a copy of the selfie Jyushimatsu had taken at the train station. He looked like there was a gun to his back in the photo as he stood on the opposite side of Nanako in her graduation robes, hands on her enlarged stomach and her scowling parents on the other side of her. She was the only one who looked truly thrilled to be there.
Ichimatsu groaned at the sound of the knock on his door and shuffled over, knowing from the loudness and persistence of the knock already who it was. He swung open the door, and there was Karamatsu with his sunglasses and full, tacky getup.
“There she is!” Karamatsu grinned widely upon seeing the child, and Ichimatsu found himself already resentful of his brother’s energy. “Eh? Ichimatsu, you’re not dressed yet?!”
“If I don’t wait until the last minute she vomits on me. Here. Take her. I’ll go get changed,” Ichimatsu replied plainly, passing the child over to Karamatsu. “Yell loud for him, Matsuko.”
“I still haven’t seen her wear that sequined outfit I got her, Ichimatsu.”
“It’s only been three months since she was born, give us time!” Ichimatsu snapped as he looked around for a shirt in the closet and then slipped it on. “Eh, hey, Shittymatsu, there’s an envelope for you on the dining room table.”
Karamatsu shut the door to the apartment behind him and sauntered over to the dining room table, which had become an array of cat food, books, and bottles in the past few months.
“What’s all this for?” Karamatsu asked as he opened the envelope, stunned at the bills inside it.
“For covering the rent when Nanako’s parents disowned her and stopped paying it,” Ichimatsu explained as he slipped into his sandals.
“Eh? But that wasn’t me…”
“You got a job at that shitty club the same week it happened. We’re all right now. She’s got a good job and we’re fine. So take that and thank you, shitbag.”
“I’m telling you, it wasn’t me! Also, Ichimatsu, Matsuko smells… Off…”
“That’d be her diaper. I’m going to take out the garbage, take care of it, Shittymatsu.”
“Okay, I—WAIT! I-Ichimatsu! Ichimatsu, don’t do this to me!” Karamatsu begged, but it was too late. The apartment door had clicked shut behind Ichimatsu, and Karamatsu was left alone with the now sobbing Matsuko. “Okay, okay, Kara-Occhan’s on it!”
Karamatsu was also sobbing when Ichimatsu returned, having failed to find either the diapers or the wipes, and Ichimatsu sighed and handed a juice box from the fridge to his older brother before taking care of his daughter. She was dressed in a light purple Onesie, not the blue, gaudy one that Karamatsu had suggested, and the outfit was topped with a small hat that bore a pair of fabric cat ears.
“Come on, let’s go fetch Mama… You too, Crappymatsu… And take your money. I don’t feel right having it on the counter like that.”
“I’m telling you, that wasn’t me!”
“Then who could it have been?”
“Okay!” Osomatsu blew into a whistle and began to wave his arms about, and all of the children in their matching light blue smocks gave moans and groans at the knowledge that their outdoor time had been cut off. “I know, but you all have to get back in! I’ll see some of you tomorrow?”
“What about when we get picked up?” demanded a young boy who hopped off one of the plastic slides.
“Nah, not today, I’m going to my little brother’s wedding.”
“Osomatsu-san! Osomatsu-san! There’s two creepy guys who look like you staring through the fence!” a little girl as she shrieked and pointed behind her to the two men on the other side of the white fence behind her. One was dressed like an old-fashioned greaser… By way of a cheap community theater production about them. Another was disheveled and tired-looking, although it could have had something to do with the sleeping infant he was carrying in a gray baby carrier.
“Oh?” Osomatsu lit up at the sight of his two brothers as he picked up a dodgeball from the ground, and he gave a small laugh. “Don’t worry, they’re with me actually!”
“They look so scary…” muttered one boy.
“Not really scary, but… Shitty and painful…” said another young boy quietly.
“All right, get to class! Don’t make me tell the teacher!” Osomatsu waved them off, and while they rushed back into the school, he walked over to the fence and waved to his two brothers. “Already here to pick me up, huh?”
Osomatsu reached out through the gate to take hold of one of Matsuko’s hands, but was only met with Ichimatsu gripping onto his wrist tightly.
“If you wake her, so help me God I’ll break it,” Ichimatsu warned him.
“Woah! Wow, okay, got it!” Osomatsu chuckled. “I’ll get my stuff and we’ll go grab Totty, all right?”
Both of the brothers nodded, and Osomatsu was still wiping off some of the finger paint from his arms as he walked out of the daycare, a backpack slung over his back.
“You have a bag with you? Don’t you still live with Mama and Dad anyway?”
“Yeah, but this is just stuff leftover from projects. Daycare’s no joke! We had every kind of macaroni for necklace day, so I took a bunch that we didn’t use with me!”
“That’s sad and clever…” Ichimatsu admitted.
“And Matsuko’s name got bumped up on the waiting list, I checked today! I can’t believe it’s so cutthroat here!”
“Why would you want to be so intent on enrolling her in a daycare anyhow? You still get to stay home all day and do nothing. You still get to be a NEET!” Karamatsu replied, and Ichimatsu shot him a glare. The baby, having perhaps noted the change in her father’s demeanor, started to wail, and Ichimatsu passed the baby to Karamatsu.
“There are three reasons she’s crying… It could be she’s hungry… Or need a change… Or she could want to see you suffer,” Ichimatsu hissed.
“W-What? Wait? Which is it?”
“I wouldn’t know, I’m a NEET who does nothing,” Ichimatsu replied in return, along with a wicked laugh.
“She’s gotta be tired I’d imagine,” Osomatsu guessed, and took the baby from a relieved Karamatsu. “She probably should sleep more anyhow, right?”
“I figured she could on the way to get Choromatsu or Totty. We’re off to go get her mother next.”
“Oh, so the aquarium? I’ll give you guys a ride and do pickup for her, too! Come on!” Osomatsu said, waving the two brothers out to the parking lot of the daycare center.
There was already a baby seat in the back from the occasional pickups he had to run, or whenever he took Matsuko and Ichimatsu somewhere. He managed to quickly set up the child seat in the middle row of seats in the old red van, and quickly jogged around to the driver’s seat while Karamatsu took his spot in the passenger seat.
“I don’t get it, brother… You finally get yourself a car, but it’s almost being held together by masking tape!” Karamatsu murmured, and Osomatsu gave a light chuckle.
“Yeah, I guess I still have my pachinko and racing problem… It’s a little embarrassing when some of the kids’ parents see me at the race though…. Or when they lose to me,” Osomatsu admitted as he backed out of the parking lot and into traffic. “So are you any closer to getting Nanako-chan to marry you, Ichimatsu?”
“She wants to wait and ask her parents … But they’re still not even talking to her,” Ichimatsu muttered, adjusting the straps of the car seat as he did so. “I’m still the garbage who ruined their daughter’s life to them. I’ve never had someone who called me trash more than I call myself trash. It’s impressive really.”
“How about you and Chibita, Karamatsu?”
“I-It’s not like that!”
“Which is why you left for a month to live with Fappski when you two had a big fight…”
“He didn’t believe that it was Iyami who made the washer overflow and I had to make him learn to appreciate me,” Karamatsu replied with a fold of his arms.
“You’re both so married it’s more painful than your existence…” Ichimatsu sighed.
Ichimatsu was the one to get out of the van by himself when they came upon the aquarium, and Karamatsu hopped into the backseat with his niece while they waited for Ichimatsu to return.
He found Nanako after a little bit of questioning from the rest of the staff, and calmly watched from a distance as she wrote on a chart while occasionally glancing into the large tank of a few sharks lazily swimming amongst brighter-colored fish. Her hair was soaking wet, and she was dressed in her usual work uniform of a pair of khaki pants and a dark blue shirt. She occasionally looked over her shoulder and did a double-take when she saw Ichimatsu waiting for him patiently, and she signed to him that it would be another minute. He nodded and busied himself by pretending to look interested in the fish swimming around, until she handed off her chart and walked over to him, grinning and pulling her hair out of its ponytail.
“I have your dress packed in part of Matsuko’s bag. How was today? The sharks? R-Really?” he asked as she began to sign to him about the time she’d spent in the tank. Her diving with things like that had been scary enough to hear about when she was just in school… With a baby in the car it was terrifying.
“T-That’s great…” he choked out in the best lie he could as he walked out of the aquarium with her. “I tried to pay Shittymatsu back… Turns out it wasn’t him.”
“Couldn’t have been my parents…”
“Are they talking to you yet?”
“I tried to send them a TTY, but nobody picked up,” she answered, tossing her hands up in frustration.
“Nanako… You’re… Okay with going to this tonight, right? I can tell them I don’t feel like it and can’t be bothered. They’d believe me…”
“What? No. Why?”
“I know you want to, too but… Your parents think I’m trash….”
She reached up and kissed him briefly on the cheek, and then signed to him, “They just can’t see what I do. You’re my trash.”
“Heh…”
“They’ll come around. We have a baby,” she reassured him. “Who cares if she’s got your last name?”
They cared. They had cared a lot. Enough to cause a near-brawl in the hospital over it and leave them there with Ichimatsu’s own mother ready to fight both of them, and his father being the one to have to hold her back. And if Nanako hadn’t cared about them enough, he would have trapped them in a tiger cage and melted down the key.
Nanako winked at Karamatsu as he regained his spot in the front seat of the car when he saw them walk out of the aquarium, and he shuddered at this and sunk down further in his seat.
“Train station next?” asked Osomatsu as he adjusted his review mirror.
“Let’s go get Totty… He should be finishing up work by now…” Karamatsu murmured, shuddering as he looked at Nanako in the backseat via the side view mirror.
“I just don’t know about this one…” said a young man to his girlfriend as he held up a tie to the mirror.
“It looks fine!” she huffed, barely looking up from her cell phone to note the color of the tie. “Just get it and let’s go!”
The two stopped their glares at one another as they felt a presence around them… Calming and soothing. And from behind a rack of sale items hopped out a young man, fashionably dressed with a length of tailor’s measuring tape around his neck.
“That color’s good enough on you… But really, I think the mint green would be much nicer, don’t you?” Todomatsu purred, holding it up to the flustered man in the mirror. Just as the woman went to speak, Todomatsu spun around, revealing a clutch handbag that he had seemingly managed to retrieve out of nowhere, “And for you… A matching handbag would definitely make a statement as to how close you two are.”
“I-It’s more expensive though… And I’d need an entirely new dress…” she whispered unsurely as she reached out for the clutch shakily.
“I think I can work out a small discount,” whispered Todomatsu seductively, and she flushed and gasped.
“He’s really flirting with both of them at the same time?” one amazed cashier asked the other, who only gave a nod while looking on at this in awe as Todomatsu not only found her a dress, but talked the man into a new suit and both of them into new pairs of shoes.
“Go forward and look wonderful~!” Todomatsu hummed to the both on the way to their way to the register, followed by a giggle and a wink.
“And that’s why he’s manager,” chuckled the other employee as she began to ring up the flustered couple.
“Oh, my reprieve’s here! So’s my boyfriend~!” Todomatsu giggled happily, and the couple at the register were stunned to see the older blond man, already dressed in a tuxedo, step in, confused as to what was warranting the stares at him.
“Honey, this couple was going to get some new outfits for a social event! Don’t you think they’d look great with maybe something for the winter, too?” Todomatsu asked hopefully, grinning and leaning against the taller man.
“We talked about you doing this,” Durant whispered, and then faltered with a motion towards the winter coats in the back. The man and the woman nodded to each other and headed back to the coats, while Todomatsu’s devilish grin grew.
“You are literally Satan,” Durant sighed.
“Could you imagine if I still worked on commission?” Todomatsu turned and started to fall backwards, and Durant quickly took hold of him, only to act as the fulcrum as Todomatsu dramatically pointed over to the clearance rack. Durant rolled his eyes and smirked, almost dragging Todomatsu out of the clothing store with him.
“Well you’re no fun…” Todomatsu murmured, adjusting the collar of his pink dress shirt.
“If I didn’t stop you that poor couple would’ve been broke and you would’ve missed your brother’s wedding. I did this for you,” Durant sighed. “Still, that was really cute.”
“You think so? Cute enough to maybe buy me a nice dinner tomorrow night?”
“You just don’t have the ability to turn this off, do you?” Durant laughed, and both jumped at the sound of a blaring car horn.
“TOTTTTY! HETALIA-SANNNN!” Osomatsu was practically leaning his body out of the driver’s side of the old van while pounding on the horn, and Todomatsu’s eyes narrowed.
“Kill me,” Todomatsu hissed to himself.
“TOTTTTYYY!” came the voice of Karamatsu now joining Osomatsu in his shouting, while Ichimatsu could be heard growling about the sleeping baby—Who was awakened and wailing now.
Todomatsu’s mouth twitched, and he lowered the white hat down over his face as he rushed over to the van, Durant not far behind him.
“Come on…. It’s okay, I’m here.” Nanako was reassuring the gently sobbing baby as Todomatsu and Durant climbed into the back seat.
“I want one,” said a determined Todomatsu as he watched Nanako briefly remove Matsuko from her carrier to comfort her.
“W-What, now?!” Durant choked.
“Are you saying you lied about making my brother happy, Hetalia-san?” Ichimatsu asked, slowly turning his head around. Durant could swear the look darkened every time Nanako was looking away from Ichimatsu.
Todomatsu held up his hands as a way of diffusing any potential situation, “M-Maybe not right this second… But she’s so cute! I didn’t know you had it in you to make something so cute, Ichimatsu-nii-san! Also, why isn’t she wearing one of the outfits I got her?”
“Because you got her about thirty! She doesn’t go out enough to wear all of the outfits you all got her! I might as well have had sextuplets you all have been giving me!” Ichimatsu grumbled before helping Nanako put the baby back in the seat.
“Hey, Osomatsu-nii-san! Is Totoko-chan going to be there tonight?” Todomatsu called out as Osomatsu took off in the van once more, now towards the train station.
“She’s supposed to be—I think she’s actually singing something… I dunno, she was pretty sore with Choromatsu leaving her without a manager, so this could be sort of a fight.”
“Yeah, she’s the one who mailed him the bucket of fish heads,” Ichimatsu confirmed as he paused interpreting the conversation in the car for Nanako.
“Nothing I can’t handle.” Karamatsu smirked and cracked his knuckles on one of his hands. “I’m an expert at diffusing situations like this!”
“I thought they only hired you at that club to be a bouncer because you could take a hit and also because you were too weird for people to want to deal with…” Todomatsu replied, and Karamatsu felt his mouth twitch.
“T-There’s more reasons than that! It’s very complicated!” Karamatsu snapped defensively.
“Come on, Matsuko! We’re going to go see your NEET-pandering uncle!” Osomatsu cheered as he glanced in his rearview to the little child in the carrier.
Choromatsu was starting to grow a bit impatient as he waited out on the curb of the station with his suitcase at his side. This all vanished when he heard the shouts of “HEY FAPPYMATSU!” down the row of cars. Then he looked for a trash can to hide behind, but then it was too late.
He was more than annoyed as he threw his suitcase through the opened front window, dropping it on top of Osomatsu, and then stormed back to take a spot in the back seat with Todomatsu and Durant.
“Nice trip?!” Osomatsu coughed through a laugh as he slid the suitcase over to Karamatsu.
“It would be if that wasn’t what you greeted me with that every time! And you two don’t use the sign for “green” for me at all! I looked up what that meant!” Choromatsu pointed over to Ichimatsu and Nanako in the seat in front of him.
“”Cherry” was his idea!” Nanako answered, pointing to Ichimatsu. Ichimatsu made no motion to deny this, and only gave a light shrug.
“I shouldn’t even give these out to you all, but here…” Choromatsu sighed, reaching into the pocket of his jacket and pulling out several small white squares covered in plastic wrap before pulling them out. “It’s from the magazine’s Christmas party! They’re exclusive!”
Todomatsu looked down at the design on the label of the pillowcase for the hug pillow folded up inside the plastic and raised an eyebrow.
“It’s a princess, and she’s carrying melons.. And she’s so busy making those poses she has to carry it in her shirt?” Durant asked almost hopefully as he looked at the image of the smiling and grinning girl on the front.
“You… You don’t even try to hide it now, do you, Choromatsu-nii-san…?” Todomatsu murmured.
“Here, Shittymatsu, have mine.” Ichimatsu started to reach forward, but Nanako removed it from his hand and shook her head.
“We can put laundry in it!” she exclaimed, apparently not at all phased by the image on it.
“Do boobs even do this? This seems like it goes against gravity,” Durant muttered, tilting his head to study the image on the front more in-depth.
“Probably not. It’s usually people who never touch them that draw things like that,” Todomatsu sighed.
“Hey, Ichimatsu!” Osomatsu called out, “You have a girlfriend! Hetalia-san had a ques—”
“Don’t!” snarled Ichimatsu, emphasizing this with a sign for his older brother to stop while he was ahead.
“Oh! I need everyone’s address! I’m actually writing some things now for the magazine too!” said Choromatsu excitedly. “It’s two stories, actually! The first one’s about this catlike beast who finds love in spite of a terrible personality. And then there’s this one about star-crossed lovers from different parts of the world who fight to be together in spite of their differences, including a bit of an age gap!”
This earned only accusatory stares from the two couples around him.
“Hey… Has the cat beast ever killed anyone yet?” asked Ichimatsu calmly, and Choromatsu flinched and gulped.
There was a mad dash for the brothers to run to the back of the venue hall to get their tuxedos—Amongst the well-dressed people who showed up, they stood out in their white hats, wrinkled sweatshirts, sunglasses, buttoned-up plaid shirts, and shirts covered in finger paint.
There was a bit of fumbling while they were all changing into their tuxedoes—And Todomatsu found himself suddenly in-demand as the only one who could properly tie the yellow bowties that had come with all of their suits.
“Eh? Why’s this one loose around my waist?” Choromatsu wondered as he slipped out of the slacks and examined the size.
“It’s just an inch,” Ichimatsu grumbled, taking the pants from his brother and passing him over a different pair. “You have a baby and don’t gain a little weight…”
“Aw, pudgy,” Osomatsu chuckled, poking gently at his younger brother. This met with a kick to the stomach from his younger brother.
“Actually the pressure’s been off on the grandchild thing since I’ve been submitting stuff to the magazine… Apparently a check in the mail every month is just as good as a grandchild to Mama and Dad,” Choromatsu said in his own amazement as he wrapped his tie around his neck and wandered over to Todomatsu.
“When’s the last time we even all matched like this?” Osomatsu wondered as he stared into the long, floor-length mirror with his brothers all at either side of him.
“It feels so weird!” Todomatsu admitted as he tried to strike a similar, sideways-stance to his brothers. “I’m not sure if I like this!”
“Ah, come on, it feels nostalgic!” Osomatsu chuckled.
“It’s been too long!” chimed in a cheery voice, and Jyushimatsu jumped up from behind the line of them and cheered. “You all made it!”
“Jyushimatsu!” all turned around and shouted happily at the sight of their brother.
“Was the train ride okay?” asked Osomatsu.
“Yeah, yeah!” Jyushimatsu laughed. “We all look so good!”
“That last game you played was great!” Osomatsu exclaimed. “How’d you do that and then get ready for all of this?!”
Choromatsu went to fixing his bouncing brother’s hair, while a slightly frustrated Todomatsu began to adjust his suit.
“You learn how to hustle!” Jyushimatsu replied, pumping his fists in the air excitedly.
“Matsuno-san, you’re re—” the wedding planner stopped dead as she looked up from her clipboard after opening the door, upon seeing the six identical men, she slowly, slowly removed her headset and backed out of the room, wondering to herself about exactly what kind of wedding it was she was helping plan.
“Guess you’re ready already!” Osomatsu exclaimed, patting his younger brother on the back.
And while they were filing out of the room, Ichimatsu cleared his throat and fell back so that he could walk next to his oldest brother, “Eh, so, was it you…?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about! Come on, it’s supposed to be a day where we’re partying, anyhow!” Osomatsu laughed, nudging his younger brother. “Come on, let’s just enjoy the day.”
Ichimatsu gave a grunt of agreement, and he was rejoined with his brothers at the wedding party. He could see Nanako towards the back, having changed into a black and red knee-length dress, while Matsuko had been changed into—It was a sparkling blue dress….
“Shittymatsu…” he grumbled through gritted teeth as he passed by, much to the confusion of the bridesmaid he walked down with.
Karamatsu noticed this to, and gave a wink to the baby. Chibita, who had been sitting next to Nanako, took this as being meant for him and furrowed his brow in confusion.
“I knew it,” Todomatsu chuckled as he followed the procession after Karamatsu, looking over to Durant in the aisle and winking as he took his turn down the aisle.
Choromatsu, during his turn walking down the aisle, focused less on Totoko, who started to crack her knuckles upon seeing him, and more on his smiling parents, who he knew had just cashed in another check from the bank the other day.
And Osomatsu was the last up, with the last of Homura’s bridesmaids down the aisle. It’d been fewer than two years, but there’d been so many changes. And yet as he looked out at his identical brothers lined up, he wondered if they’d all really changed all that much over the years.
He knew he didn’t look as successful at the others, in spite of having been close to owning a house, only to having to back out when he needed the money for other things. Still, the job at the daycare was good enough for now.
Plus, he’d managed to see his brothers through this far already. So he had been successful in his own way after all.