Chapter Text
I’ve noticed how your cheeks go pale from time to time, and then your hand goes straight to your chest and you seem scared, your breathing seems difficult and then you try to get it back to normal, you’re thinking about something you don’t tell.
First you said it was the change of season and the hot weather, then you said you’re getting older and age is making its presence noticeable, but I know that’s not true. You remove that red eyeshadow and I see something that’s not water or make up remover running through your face, those are tears but you’re smiling.
Some days you just ignore me, today is one of those days.
You just play some sad chords, suddenly you just rub your hands, there’s something going on in your head, you rub your temples too, the tips of your fingers feel your eyes and your cheeks.
What 's wrong? Do you want to see a doctor?
And when we sleep, I can hear that in your dreams you’re battling with something, your sleep is interrupted by whatever it is bothering inside your head
Talk to me.
“Hurry up Frank”
We’re all ready but your body stays still facing the mirror, you look deeply to your reflection, you’re surely trying to find the answer to something I would like to know, I get closer to you just touching your shoulder and you wake up from that slumber, your face turns red when you look at me, you don’t answer to my smile and just walk away. You just leave me alone there, looking at my own eyes.
I’m okay.
The stage has always brought something inside me, and the people screaming our songs are like lullabies, usually I feel safe and awake there, but today, for the first time in quite a long time my knees are shaking, my sight gets blurry and there’s only you in my mind.
When I fall on my knees there’s you by my side, there’s you going through this illness that comes and goes.
The heat and the strange drowsiness, the shortness of breath and this strange and sharp pain on my chest. There are crazy thoughts, what ifs and promises I want to make, I want to try and explain.
And then, there’s you in slow motion, taking off your guitar and just throwing it to the stage, why are you running towards me?
I just felt like I got hit by a train.
Inside this embrace that you give me, I guess you’re losing control too and start searching for the floor rapidly, I get back to earth with the sound of the microphone hitting the floor and I see you collapse, and that’s what brings my strength back.
You are as weightless as I can imagine and in my arms all I want is to take you somewhere safe, so when they try to get you off of me, I fight and run, please, hold on to me, save a bit of your strength for me, you just squeeze your legs tight to my hips, that’s fine.
“Air” you whisper agitated.
Between the chaos and all that agitation, many hands trying to take you away from me and some camera flashes, we are somewhere on the side road, you’re still holding tight to me and I would never do something to make you let go.
“What’s wrong?” I finally ask.
I feel you start crying, screams and all, I feel you burying yourself in my neck.
“I’m not fine!”
“I know, you can’t stand on your feet”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay” I try to sound okay, but I’m trying to catch my breath.
Silence is as strong as your embrace, and this time my knees are not going to resist, I just find myself sitting with you on my lap.
“Lately I feel like I’ve been hit by a train” I try to smile hoping for you to get better, but I guess it’s not happening.
“Why did you take me here?”
“I just, had the need to keep you safe, that’s all”
As you let me see your face again I feel the earth shaking, and my lungs shrink making me gasp, I feel my heart running to my mouth and I just react holding you closer, seeing everything brighter.
“What is happening?” you seem worried this time
“Nothing, don’t worry, I’m okay”
I feel our hearts beating, horribly together, as if we started melting into each other, I just breath your scent and rest from this, lulling myself with your breathing. Time goes slow and torturing, I just hate the skin that keeps us apart.
“If we don’t go back they’re gonna scold us” I feel how you exhale, it makes me shiver.
I feel a little bit of courage, I feel it running through my veins like a hundred butterflies.
“It’s okay, they can scold us all they want, after all, I forgot where we are, I just walked as fast as I could” Face to face, with your eyes looking to mine, I just can sigh from the peace your smile gives me.
“It’s been a while since I started feeling… different” you say with a string of a voice “ I can’t stop seeing you in my dreams, I can’t stop looking at you when you walk, I know this is ridiculous, and I know you’ll never feel the same and that’s why I feel strange, this is killing me”
You take my face with a feeling of despair and I feel another invisible kick trying to kill me.
“Do you… really feel like it’s going to kill you?” My voice is just a whisper.
“I feel it always, when you smile, when you are just lost in you thoughts, I feel it always and I would die right now, but right now I just want to stay like this, holding you”
“So then, lets let it kill us”
And then, for the first time in ages, I feel fine, when my lips touch yours my head gets clear, I get a clear image inside my head and it is you.
My nerves fall asleep, and I fall to this repairing slumber, dying from this illness is heaven in your arms.