Chapter Text
She unpacked carefully, with consideration- getting her clothes out neatly and gently laying them flat on the bed as she folded them with care. It was a repetitive, calming process.
She had gotten a little over halfway through with unpacking before her phone began to ring. She recognized the obnoxious jingling tone right away. Her wife had changed it to be so, and she hadn’t the heart to reverse the action.
“Constance,” she answered with a fond tone.
“Trick E.!” Came the happy voice of her partner, “How is it over there? Everything you hoped and dreamed?” There was a teasing lilt to her voice. Trick E. smiled ever so slightly at it.
“It’s mediocre. Crowded, and very noisy.”
“And your brother?”
Trick E. sighed. “He’s gone.”
A pause.
“Oh, hon, I’m so sorry-“
“No, Constance, I mean mentally. He’s gone mentally.”
“Ohh! My condolences still stand, then.”
With a nod- despite the fact the other wouldn’t be able to see it- Trick E. huffed. “I thought perhaps he’d be over it by the time I arrived, come to his senses. And even then, maybe have some reality slapped into him during our conversation.”
“But that wasn’t the case, huh?”
“No. Not whatever.” She sighed once more, exhausted, “He’s infatuated, Constance. I swear, it’s as if his whole life revolves around that pathetic little roadrunner now. You know, I could eat that scrawny thing if I really wanted to.”
She could envision the roll of Constance’s eyes as she replied, “Now now, I know you like to build yourself up, but you and I both know that those things are faster than a bullet! Only a lucky few are able to still catch them.”
“Hm, I suppose you’re right. Plus, it’s not as if my brother would allow that. He’s a madman, I tell you. He’s always had a few screws loose, but it’s as if he’s lost his head completely these days. I think he’d revert back to feral behavior if I attempted a touch on even a feather of that bird’s head.”
Constance laughed. “You speak so highly of him,” she joked.
Trick E. scoffed. “Please, I’m only doing this for my parents. Even if I did hold fruitless hope that he’d have changed, I still wasn’t surprised when I heard the news. My brother with a roadrunner, the first time this has ever occurred… Really, if any of us were to do it, it would be him.”
“Well, from what I remember meeting him when I was younger, he always was a little odder than most.”
“You can say that again.”
Another laugh from Constance.
A comfortable silence fell over the two for a moment as Trick E. got lost in thought, Constance patient as always.
“How am I even supposed to convince him to come with me? I don’t want to stay in this place longer than I have to.”
“Hmm… Well, since talking it out with him won’t work, I suppose you could always take a page out of his book.”
“Meaning..?”
“Trick him, of course. It’s in your name, after all! Set up a trap, a scheme. Even if you have to fudge a bit, do what you can to convince him the roadrunner isn’t worth it. That this whole show biz isn’t worth it, even.”
Trick E. scoffed. “He won’t believe me. He may be a nut, but he’s still obnoxiously intelligent.”
There was a short pause before Constance softly spoke, “I mean, it’s worth a shot at least, right?”
Thinking for a moment, Trick E. nodded to herself, her free hand on her chin in thought. “Hmm, yes.. I suppose you’re right, dear. I suppose you’re right.”
“I still can’t believe you got me to tap her phone for you… Do you have no integrity? No respect for my speed?! I’m not your personal servant here, Wile E.!”
The coyote in question smirked as he sat at his work desk in his home, face leaning in his hand as he rested his elbow on the table. He was looking at Beep Beep with an amused expression.
“You’re entertaining when you pretend to be angry.”
Beep Beep huffed. “Well, I may not be angry, but still! Tapping your sister's phone? I mean, really?”
Wile E. shrugged. “Hey, it worked out, didn’t it? We know her little scheme now, so we can counteract it. Rubber and glue, or whatever they say.”
“‘I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you say bounces back to you’?”
“Yes, that! Huh, though it doesn’t quite fit as well as I thought it would…”
“No matter!” Beep Beep proclaimed, “It’s not as if you would’ve bought it…. You wouldn’t have, right?”
“Hah, of course not!” Wile E. said with confidence, “Tricky may be in her name, but she’s never quite lived up to it. She’s cunning, sure, but she’s never been able to truly get under my skin. One of her only weaknesses, I suppose.”
Beep Beep nodded. “I see. So what do you suggest we do about it?”
Wile E. leaned back in his chair, putting a hand to his chin in thought. “Very good question, dear boy… I suppose the answer all depends on you.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning that it depends on you. As I said.”
“Dude. Come on.”
A sigh. “It depends on how far you want to go.”
“Why me, though?” The roadrunner questioned, “Wouldn’t it depend on you since she’s your sister?”
“Uh uh uh, one would think! But it isn’t so!”
Beep Beep snorted. “Mind explaining it to me then, oh genius one?”
With a smirk, Wile E. nodded. “But of course! You see, while she is unfortunately my sister, the decision of what to do does not lie on my shoulders. This is due to the fact that you’re the one most at risk here. One wrong move, and something could easily happen to you-“
“Hah, ‘easily’! Sure.”
“-And so, choosing how far we take this all depends on what you deem you can deal with should she- or heaven forbid my parents- counteract.”
“Hm. I suppose that makes sense,” Beep Beep conceded.
“Of course it does.”
“Don’t get cocky.”
Wile E. shrugged, a smile on his face. Beep Beep rolled his eyes.
Crawling into the coyote’s lap, Beep Beep huddled close, curled into a little ball with his chin resting on his back. Wile E. set a hand atop his head, finger stroking down the bridge of his beak. Beep Beep closed his eyes at the sensation.
A few minutes passed of this before Beep Beep opened his eyes once more. He looked up at Wile E., who smiled gently down at him. He returned the expression.
“Hey, Wile E.?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think.. it’ll all end up okay?”
The smile didn’t leave Wile E.’s face. “Of course. What, has your confidence run out?”
Beep Beep snorted. “I don’t know.. maybe?”
“Balderdash.”
“Gesundheit.”
Wile E. lightly smacked the other's face. Beep Beep laughed.
“Seriously though,” he said as his giggles died down, “Your sister seems pretty determined.”
“Of course she is, she’d do anything to impress our parents.”
“So do you think she’ll ever back off?”
“Probably not. Unless she gets summoned back home by our mother and father.”
Beep Beep thought for a moment, mulling this over. “So, in that case, what if.. instead of waiting it out, we just gave her what she wants?”
“Oh?” Wile E. said with a raised brow. Beep Beep lifted his head and nodded, face to face with the coyote.
“Yeah. Give her what she wants.”
“I’d be gone for quite a while, you know. My parents can be relentless.”
With a smile, Beep Beep nodded again. “Oh, I know!”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“Oh goodness no!” The roadrunner said with a laugh, “That’s why I’d be going with you!”
Wile E.’s widened a bit. “No.”
“Ah, come on Wile E.!”
“Beep Beep, no. They’d eat you alive! Figuratively. Well, maybe literally, too. One can’t be too sure..”
“Please, I’ll be fine!” Beep Beep insisted, “I’ve survived your presence all these years, haven’t I?”
“Touché.”
“So let’s do it! You say you’ll come with her, bring me, and together we’ll drive them so insane that they’ll have no choice but to send us both away back home!”
Wile E. snorted and thought for a moment. “Well, I don’t see why not. I mean, I do. But I like the idea enough to ignore the reasons for why we shouldn’t.”
Beep Beep smiled widely. “Yes!” He exclaimed, “This will be so fun!”
“Just don’t get too carried away, alright? I’d hate to see any actual murder attempts.”
“You think I’d attempt to murder them?”
“Other way around.”
“Oh. Oh that makes a lot more sense!” Wile E. rolled his eyes fondly as Beep Beep said this.
After discussing the details on how they would go about it and what they’d actually do upon arriving, the two set out to the nearest five star hotel to tell Trick E. After all, she wouldn’t settle for anything less than five stars. That, Wile E. knew for a fact.
It was clear Trick E. was surprised, and it was almost amusing the way she attempted to school her expression.
Wile E. and Beep Beep had made their way to the hotel, asked which room Trick E. Coyote was in (it was quite easy to squirrel the information out of the receptionist, being celebrities and all), and took the elevator up.
They knocked, she answered, and without any buildup whatsoever, Wile E. told her in a confident and clear voice that he had decided to go with her.
“Then why is the bird here?” She had asked.
Holding back a smirk, Wile E. had answered, “I told you I wouldn’t leave him behind.”
And that was that.
She told them to pack a couple bags and she’d meet them at their house. Upon refusing to disclose their address though, she settled on having the two meet her back at the hotel. And so they did.
They didn’t pack much, as they didn’t exactly plan to be there for long. Really all they packed were a few favorite weapons of Wile E.’s and some bird seed for Beep Beep.
‘Leaving town. Family emergency.’ is what Wile E. texted Bugs with no further context. Beep Beep did the same to Daffy.
The two made bets on how long it would take the rabbit and duck to realize the same exact message had been sent to each one. And how long it would take them to become suspicious.
Beep Beep bet on three days. Wile E. bet on one.
On the train (the nice train, that is), Beep Beep and Wile E. sat next to one another. Trick E. sat across the aisle, eyeing them every now and again. Wile E. made Beep Beep sit at the window seat for that exact reason. Not that the other minded, of course. If anything, it was what he wanted.
The trip was long, annoying. Torturous with Trick E.’s watchful, judging eyes. The two could see her looks of disapproval when they spoke, could sense the disgust radiating off of her when Beep Beep leaned his head on Wile E.’s shoulder, could practically feel the daggers she was staring into them.
It was funny, in a way.
Though the humor in it all ended upon arriving.
After the train, they had taken a couple taxis. And after arriving in the desert- nearly identical to the one Beep Beep was used to- they had walked. Walked until they reached what seemed to be a more populated area, the sparse desert fauna all cut down, with sidewalk and road placed carefully in what could only be described as a perfectionist manner. If it weren’t for the bright sun and leering cliffs in the background, it could almost be passed off as a regular suburban area- though on a much, much fancier scale.
Finally, they reached their destination. A building which Beep Beep could only describe as the largest house he had ever seen. An enormous mansion. Almost ridiculously so.
And outside the front door, waiting ominously, were two coyotes. The male one a lighter tan like Trick E., and the woman a darker brown like Wile E.
His parents.
And they did not look pleased.