Chapter Text
Astushi slowly walked through the agency, his expression serious and solemn. His thoughts were still occupied with the angry outburst that just happened.
He couldn't believe what he'd seen, nor did he know how to process it.
He suddenly stopped, and started thinking about something specific.
"Kenji... He looked so depressed. I've never seen him look that broken."
He looked around, suddenly feeling an intense sense of guilt and regret.
"I should have said something."
*no, that wouldn't have helped. you said everything you could, he just got more mad at you.*
"And what about Yosano? How will she feel knowing he reacted like that to her care?"
"What's happened to you, Kenji? What have you become?"
He knew there were issues, but he didn't know just how bad it was.
Now he sees that it's really bad, really bad.
He just wants his younger friend to be alright and feel safe, was that so much to ask for? He was still so young, and he was about as bad as Dazai at this point! It was no longer mildly concerning how little he ate, it was a life or death situation at this point.
Kenji's stomach was so sunken in, and his ribs were so visible that he was scared to touch him, afraid that he would break from a single wrong move.
And he knew Kenji hated how everyone looked at him with varying looks of pity and sadness. But they really couldn't help it- he was seriously hurting himself.
Atsushi sighed as he walked into Yosano's office, deciding to retell the events of kenji's breakdown to her to see if there was anything she could do that he hadn't.
"Yosano? Are you busy right now?"
He could hear her shuffling from behind the door.
"No, you're good! Come on in, Atsushi."
Being given permission to walk into the infirmary, he walked in and sat down in an empty bed.
"Yosano. It's about Kenji, we need to talk about what's going on with him." He said seriously.
Yosano's face grew serious at the tone of his voice. "Kenji? Did something happen?"
"He was furious when I talked to him. He shouted, yelled, threw a temper tantrum over the thought that people cared about him. He said he was fine, that he doesn't need help, that he can do it all himself. But that's a bunch of bullshit. He's starving himself. His ribcage is clearly visible. His stomach is sunk in. He looks like a damn skeleton. Yosano, he needs help. He needs us. We're the only people he has left, and he can't do this alone. He needs help." He explained with a serious expression.
"It's good that you approached me about this. I was already thinking about what needs to be done. But we can't hesitate. We need to see him tonight. He's gotten far too far, and he needs to know that there's still hope. That he's not a lost cause. I think I'll need to get him alone though, because if you're there, he'll just shout at me the whole time, you know that right?" Yosano responds, just as serious.
Atsushi thinks about this for a moment, but he knows that she's right.
"Yeah, I kind of already expected that. Alright then. I'll let you get to him alone, but just let me know if you need my help with anything. Okay?"
"Will do Atsushi. Let me know if you need anything else," she calls out to him as he leaves the room.
"Sure thing, Yosano-sensei!" He calls back.
...
*After dinner*
During dinner, everyone kept an eye on Kenji like usual, but Yosano took it more seriously today. Her eyes never left his plate of food, not allowing him to spit any out during the meal.
As soon as he finished, Kenji got up and ran into his agency dorm, Yosano a few minutes behind him.
When she arrived to his room, he was sitting at the edge of his bed, staring at the floor with a blank expression.
"Kenji?"
He stayed quiet, not saying a word to her, but silently fuming because he knew she would follow him in here after dinner.
"Kenji." She tries again, more stern this time.
He lets out a loud sigh. "What."
She looks shocked at the powerful glare sent her way. He really was acting differently.
"Look, Kenji. I'm worried about you..."
He rolled his eyes. "Yeah. So I've heard."
Yosano's eyebrows furrowed. What did he mean by that?
Kenji's attitude was clear. He was angry and defensive, but under all of that, there was deep pain and sadness.
Yosano's heart ached at the sight of him. He was just a teenager, struggling, and acting like he was okay. Like he could handle it all on his own.
"This has gone too far." Yosano said firmly, taking a step closer to him.
Her voice was stern but full of concern.
"We need to talk."
Kenji sat there with his arms crossed, a look of defiance plastered on his face. It was clear that he wanted her to leave him alone, but she wasn't going to give up that easily.
He avoided eye contact, but he could feel her concerned gaze burning through him.
"Look at me." Yosano said, her tone leaving no room for argument.
Kenji refused to look at her. He continued to stare down at the floor as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.
Yosano took another step closer, standing directly in front of him now.
"Look at me." She repeated, her voice firmer and more demanding.
She reached out and gently grabbed his chin, lifting his face up so he was forced to meet her gaze.
As she lifted his face up to meet hers, his eyes finally met hers and the look on his face was just as cold and harsh as before.
The anger and defiance were evident in his eyes, but if looked close enough, there was a hint of desperation and pain as well.
He tried to pull away from her grip, but she didn't let go.
"You're hurting yourself." She said, her tone serious and unwavering.
Kenji's jaw clenched, and he looked away from her once she let go of his chin.
He let out an angry huff.
"I'm fine."
The way he said it was almost like he was trying to convince himself more than her.
Yosano stared at him for a moment, seeing right through the facade he was putting up. He wasn't 'fine.'
She could see the emaciated state of his body, the hollow cheeks, the sunken-in stomach. It was obvious that he was anything but alright.
"No, you're not." She said with conviction. "You're dangerously thin. You're not eating. You're literally starving yourself."
He was trying so hard to act tough and unbothered, but she could see the cracks in his facade. His hands clenched tightly into fists, his jaw set in a hard line, and his eyes that were still avoiding hers.
"I'm not--" He started to protest, but she cut him off.
"Don't."
She had reached her limit with his denials and excuses. She was done beating around the bush.
"You're hurting yourself, and you need help."
Kenji was silent for a moment. He looked off to the side, avoiding her gaze again. He didn't want to admit that she was right. He wanted to believe he could handle this alone, that he didn't need help.
But his body was telling a different story. His bones were showing, his energy was low, and every breath he took seemed a struggle.
"I don’t need help." He muttered, finally breaking the silence, his voice filled with stubborn pride.
Yosano shook her head slowly, feeling a mix of frustration and sadness at his stubbornness. He was clearly in a bad place, but his pride was getting in the way of him accepting the help he so desperately needed.
She sat down beside him on the bed, keeping a small distance between them.
"You do." She said calmly.
"You're not okay. You're hurting yourself and it's spiraling out of control. You need help. You need to eat. You need to get better."
Kenji felt his anger bubbling up inside of him, a defense mechanism to cover up the deep pain he was dealing with.
He hated that she was seeing through him, calling him out on his destructive behavior, and most of all, he hated feeling vulnerable.
"I don't need help," he repeated, his voice cracking slightly.
"I'm fine on my own."
The sound of his voice cracking broke her heart.
For just a moment, he dropped his facade, and she caught a glimpse of the true pain he was hiding.
She took a deep breath, her tone turning even sharper.
"Look at yourself." She said, her eyes flickering up and down, taking a clear look at his emaciated form.
"You're not fine. You're *starving* yourself."
Kenji looked away from her again, his fists tightening even more. He hated how she was making him feel, how she was seeing through him and making him feel vulnerable, raw, and exposed.
"Shut up..." He muttered, but it lacked the fire from before. It sounded more like a plea than an angry command.
Yosano's expression softened slightly, seeing that small moment where his barriers cracked. She could see that he was hurt, scared, and desperate.
She gently reached out, placing a hand on top of his clenched fists.
Her voice was firmer than before but also gentle and filled with concern.
"You need to listen to me."
She gently grabbed his chin again and turned his face to meet her gaze.
"You need help. You need to eat. You're at a dangerously low weight, and if you don't stop this...you're going to die."
Kenji's eyes flickered with fear for a brief moment at her words.
The reality of the situation dawned on him for a fraction of a second, the gravity of what he was doing to himself.
But just as quickly as he showed a glimpse of fear, it was replaced with his usual stubbornness, his usual defense mechanism.
"I'm not going to die," he said through clenched teeth.
"I can handle it."
Yosano's expression hardened again.
She wasn’t buying into his stubbornness. She could see through all of the anger and denial.
“You *are* going to die if this keeps going." She said firmly, her voice filled with a mix of frustration and worry.
She had seen countless patients in her lifetime, but seeing this vibrant teenager hurting himself this badly broke her heart.
"This isn't something you can handle on your own."
Kenji's fists trembled as his emotions threatened to boil over. She was getting to him like no one else had managed to.
His voice wavered slightly as he snapped at her.
"Shut up. Shut up! You don't understand--"
Yosano was determined not to back down, not to give up on him.
Hearing the way his voice cracked again, she knew she was getting through to him.
He was trying so hard to keep up his mask of anger and indifference, but there was so much more going on beneath his facade.
Her tone turned stern yet again. "I *do* understand."
She took a deep breath.
"You're hurting, and you're trying to cope with it by hurting yourself."
Kenji felt his emotions building up, his walls starting to crumble more and more.
It was like each one of her words was peeling back his defenses, exposing the vulnerable and hurting teenager under all the anger and denial.
His jaw clenched tightly again.
"You *don't* understand," he almost whispered this time, his voice filled with pain.
"You don't know what I'm going through-"
Yosano's heart ached even more at his broken whisper. She could hear the pain in his voice, laced with desperation and loneliness.
She reached out and gently grabbed his trembling hands, holding them tightly.
"Then tell me," she said firmly yet softly,
"Tell me what you're going through. Talk to me."
Kenji's eyes filled with unshed tears, his emotions threatening to spill over any second. His façade was finally shattering, his anger and denial fading away.
He tried to look away, but she still held his hands tightly. He couldn't escape.
His voice cracked again as he choked out, "You wouldn't understand."
Yosano's expression softened, finally seeing past all the walls he built around himself. The tears that threatened to spill from his eyes made it all the more clear how broken he was.
She leaned in closer and reached out with one hand to gently cup his cheek, making him look her in the eyes.
"Try me."
Kenji's tear-filled eyes met hers, and the dam finally broke.
The tears he had been holding back, the pain he had been keeping inside for so long finally started flowing down his cheeks.
His whole body shook as he crumbled before her like a child, tears streaming down his face, and voice cracking with every word.
"I'm..." he choked out, finally letting his true feelings out. "I'm *scared*."
Yosano's heart shattered at the sight of him, seeing the strong facade he upheld crumble away, revealing the scared and hurt child beneath it all.
Without hesitation, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a tight, comforting embrace.
She held him close, letting him sob against her as he finally let out everything he’d been bottling up for so long.
"I know," she whispered softly. "I know."
Kenji clung to her like a lifeline, his shoulders trembling as he buried his face against her shoulder, letting the tears flow freely. All the pain, fear, and loneliness he had suppressed for months came crashing down all at once.
He continued to sob, his voice breaking as he spoke through his tears. "I don't know what to do..."
Yosano held him tight, stroking his back in a soothing manner. She was gentle and tender, like a mother comforting a hurt child.
"Shh," she whispered softly, feeling her own eyes well up with tears at the sight of him breaking down. "It's alright. I’m here."
Kenji continued to sob against her, his tears soaked her clothes, but she didn’t care at all.
He finally let go of all the pent-up pain and trauma he had been carrying for so long.
"I...I-I don't know what to do..." he repeated brokenly between sobs, his hands clutching onto her tightly, as if she was the one thing anchoring him in this moment.
She gently cradled him in her arms, her heart breaking as she held him.
His frail, malnourished body was trembling as he cried.
She had never seen him this vulnerable, this broken, and it was clear that he had been holding onto this pain for far too long.
"It's okay," she whispered, her voice filled with empathy and understanding. "It's going to be okay."
Kenji continued to sob for a while longer, letting out months' worth of pent-up emotions in the form of tear-soaked cries.
Finally, his sobs slowly turned into whimpers as he seemed to exhaust himself, both physically and emotionally.
His voice was hoarse and weak as he spoke, his face still pressed against her shoulder, “I...I don’t wanna die…”
Yosano's heart broke once again hearing him say that. The fact that he had even thought about death in the first place was devastating.
She stroked his hair tenderly, her expression filled with compassion.
"You're not going to die." She whispered, her tone firm yet gentle. "I won't let that happen. You're going to be alright."
Kenji's tears started to slow down, sniffling and hiccuping as he finally seemed to calm down a bit. He was an empty husk after his emotional breakdown, feeling drained and raw.
His grip on her loosened slightly, but he still clung to her as if she was the only thing keeping him afloat.
"I’m scared..." he repeated again, his voice hoarse and small.
She pulled back slightly to look at his tear-streaked face, gently brushing away the tears from his cheeks. She was filled with a mixture of sorrow and determination.
Her voice was gentle but unwavering as she reassured him. "You don't have to be scared anymore."
"I'm here for you." She gently cupped his cheek, making him look her in the eyes. "We're going to get through this together, okay?"
Kenji looked at her with tear-filled eyes, his face and emotions an open book after his breakdown. The fear and pain he so desperately tried to hide for months were now laid out in front of her.
He sniffed and nodded weakly, his voice barely above a whisper. "Promise?"
Yosano's heart felt heavy seeing him so vulnerable, so broken, but there was also a glimmer of hope in his eyes. She took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, her touch filled with warmth and sincerity.
"Promise."
She said, her voice unwavering and gentle. "I promise you're not alone anymore."