Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

 “So, uh… if you’re not one of Doc Wales’ patients, then… who are you, exactly?”

 Rainbow lets out a heavier-than-warranted sigh at Allen’s question. “I guess the task of filling you in on everything falls to me now that Wales isn’t around, huh?” he says, not even bothering to hide his annoyance. “Fine. But I’ve got other places to be, so we’ll walk and talk.”

 Rainbow already begins to continue his descent down the spiral stairs before he even finishes his last sentence. There’s a delay in his reaction, but Allen quickly stumbles back into motion as well, following after the strange man.

 “Now then,” Rainbow begins, “you know those monsters of yours, that have stalked you from the darkest corners of your mind your whole life?” he says, not taking his eyes off the steps ahead. As such, he doesn’t notice the look on Allen’s face as he takes a sudden sharp inhale at the mention of his mental monsters.

 “Uh. Yeah? Wuh- what about them?” Allen replies, not sure he likes where this might be going.

 “Well, that’s what I was for your dear therapist,” Rainbow says. “’Was' being the operative word. Due to recent events, that’s no longer the case.”

 “…And by ‘recent events,’ you mean that psycho drug that was on the ship, right?” Allen guesses aloud when Rainbow doesn’t further elaborate.

 “Good to see you’re paying attention,” snarks Rainbow in a patronizing tone.

 Allen scowls at the back of his head. If this dick used to be his monster, maybe the Doc wouldn’t mind if I shoved him down the stairs, Allen thinks to himself. That thought then leads to another, which leads to a question. “Okay, but, if you’re not his… his monster anymore, then what are you now?” Allen asks.

 “Myself,” comes Rainbow’s simple reply.

 …A little too simple for Allen to really understand what he even means. He almost asks for further explanation… but thinks better of it. The less he has to hear Rainbow talk, the better, honestly. Guy’s a frickin' asshole, and he feels bad for Desmond for apparently having to deal with him all the time. Allen will save the rest of his questions for the next time he sees his therapist.

 Of course, he does have one more question he’d like an answer to sooner rather than later. “Hey, so, why was this drug stuff even coming here, anyway? To Milton Haven of all places?” Allen asks.

 Rainbow does actually glance back at Allen for a moment at that question. “Apparently, with how unassuming and unknown this dinky little town is, it was deemed the perfect place to set up some research labs,” Rainbow explains.

 “So secret government stuff, huh,” says Allen. “That’d explain all the men in black... and why nobody ever told me about the ship coming in that night...”

 “Which backfired spectacularly,” Rainbow adds.

 “Pff, yeah, you can say that again,” Allen says with a humorless laugh. “Though, I really don’t think me expecting the ship would’ve helped any. Nobody expected that whole town-wide blackout that got the lighthouse, too...” He sighs. “That whole night was just... a total shitshow.”

 Rainbow says nothing, just making a sound in agreement. And with that, the conversation dies.

 It's not long after that they reach the end of the stairs. Rainbow continues moving with purpose, exiting out the tower and through the replica cabin. He’s about to come up on the door leading out of Allen’s mind when he stops, finally having noticed that Allen had also stopped. Rainbow looks back to him, and though most his facial features are hidden by pitch-blackness, his yellow eyes betray a very obvious uncertainty.

 He also looks like he has something to say. Considering he hasn’t said it yet, his uncertainty is probably to do with that.

 Rainbow sighs out a cloud of violet mist. “If you’ve got something to say, then spit it out already.”

 Rainbow’s words seem to startle Allen, making him jump a little. He recollects himself, and then, tentatively, asks, “What’s… gonna happen to me now?”

 Allen knows he’s in a coma. He knows he was almost swallowed up by his monsters- became one of them, even. He knows Doc Wales saved him from that fate. And he knows that, right now, he’s stuck in this remembered version of Icarus Point, inside his own mind.

 But he has no idea what’s going to happen next. Is he just going to stay here until he wakes up? Is he even going to wake up at all? Will he be stuck here forever?

 Instead of giving any kind of answer that would at least partially soothe Allen’s worries, all Rainbow does is shrug his shoulders. “Beats me,” he says, and turns back to the out-of-place glowing door.

 “Wh- wait!” Allen exclaims. “You can’t tell me anything? Anything at all?”

 “Sorry kid, you’re on your own,” Rainbow says as he opens up the door and disappears into the light. The door vanishes upon closing behind Rainbow, leaving Allen to just stand there, feeling both anxious about his situation, but also kind of pissed off at that purple prick for so rudely ditching him like that.

 Yeah, Allen totally should’ve shoved him down the stairs.

 When considering the fact that Rainbow was originally just a part of Desmond’s own mind, it stands to reason that some of his feelings and mannerisms were influenced by Desmond.

 With that in mind, it’s quite possible that his disdain for Desmond's snooping around was originally influenced by Desmond’s own… feelings about how his neighbor Ms. Patricia Mabel’s main goal in life is evidently knowing everything about everyone else’s lives.

 Especially Desmond’s life, ever since he returned home. He’s not sure how, but he gets the very strong impression that she knows he was somehow involved in the reveal of the town’s water contamination and the government's involvement with it.

 And since she doesn’t know the exact details, she’s been not so subtly trying to get answers out of Desmond.

 As such, he’s been doing his absolute best to try and avoid her.

 “Dr. Wales, hiiii!”

 It doesn’t always work out.

 Desmond is heading back from taking out the trash when he unfortunately bumps into her in the first floor hallway.

 “Hello, Ms. Mabel,” he says as politely as he can muster. The smile he gives is more of a grimace, but Ms. Mabel either doesn’t notice, or doesn’t care.

 “I haven’t seen you out and about much, lately!” she says, her volume just a touch too loud as always. “I was starting to think you’d disappeared again!”

 “No, Ms. Mabel, I’ve just been feeling a bit… out of it, like a lot of people in town have lately,” Desmond replies.

 “Oooh, right, because of that whole ‘chemicals in the water supply' thing. That sure is crazy, that that happened! Especially here in our quiet little town!” Ms. Mabel says. She then leans in closer than Desmond would prefer and says, “I bet the whole story behind that is pretty interesting, don’t’cha think?”

 Desmond takes an unsubtle step backwards, hoping (but not holding his breath) that maybe this time she’ll take the hint about invading his personal space. “Yeah, I bet it’s a wild one. But honestly, I don’t really care why it happened, I'll just be glad when we can all safely drink from the tap again,” he says, not giving her an inch. Before she can respond to that, “Anyway, I’ve got to go,” he says as he makes his move for the elevator. “See you, Ms. Mabel,” he bids goodbye with a wave of one hand while his other mashes the button for the second floor.

 “Uh-! Hey-" Ms. Mabel starts to say, but Desmond doesn’t hear the rest of it as the elevator carries him upward. As soon as the gate opens, he makes a swift bee-line for his apartment, and locks the door behind him once he’s safely inside.

 God, I can’t stand that woman, Rainbow’s voice pipes up in the back of Desmond’s mind.

 “For once, we agree on something.”

 ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself,’ Rainbow had admitted to Lucas some time ago.

 And… he still doesn’t really know.

 Not for lack of trying, though. It’s something he has been thinking about. The thoughts just never really go anywhere. Which only served to frustrate him more and more with each dead end.

 Eventually, Rainbow just decided that he won’t think about it. That he doesn’t really need any kind of ‘life plan' or whatever. Who says he does, anyway? His entire existence was never planned (or even thought possible), so he might as well just keep rolling with that. Que sera sera, as the saying goes. Lucas himself had even admitted that he had no plans for the future, and was just going to ‘figure it out when he gets there.’ Rainbow sees no reason why he can’t do the same.

 In thinking about Lucas, Rainbow’s reminded of something else from their conversation, that his thoughts have often been drifting back to- the idea that learning to get along better with his host might make Rainbow’s life easier. While he did agree with the idea, it still doesn’t mean he’s all that jazzed about it. Hard to want to play nice with someone you loathe on a practically instinctual level.

 …But it would at least give him something to do. In gaining self-awareness, Rainbow’s been experiencing a lot of new feelings for the first time, and among his least favorites is boredom. There's just not that much to do around here, when he’s the only one here. Sure, he can play spectator to Desmond’s life while the therapist is going about it, but Desmond’s life is also boring. You’d get more stimulation watching TV static, honestly.

 …Rainbow almost wants to pop back over to Allen’s mind. Almost.

 …

 Well, Desmond did offer Rainbow an olive branch at one point. Suppose it’s his turn to extend one as well.

 Most nights, when Desmond goes to sleep, it’s just the same as it’s always been; the normal kind of dreaming like everyone experiences, or a completely dreamless slumber.

 But some nights, like the one where he fell asleep on the couch, he finds himself ‘awakening’ in the mindscape again.

 Tonight is one of those nights, as he is currently standing in the middle of his office, despite the last thing he remembers doing being settling into bed back in his apartment.

 He heaves a heavy sigh. Though the mindscape no longer holds any real dangers to him, he always wakes up feeling mentally exhausted afterwards; his body may be getting rest right now, but his mind sure isn’t. Maybe there’s a way he can wake himself up out of here…

 Desmond's eyes wander around his mental office as he contemplates this, and then something catches his eye. Over on the desk with his tape player is a note, written on familiar stained notebook paper.

 His brow furrows. He’s not entirely sure he wants to read that… but curiosity wins out in the end.

 Picking up the piece of paper, he’s relieved to see that it’s nothing ominous. It reads:

 …Not ominous, but still rude. Desmond rolls his eyes at the jab, before crumpling the paper up and tossing it into the bin.

 He's guessing the door Rainbow’s referring to is his apartment’s front door. So, another invitation. But why now? Why would Rainbow want to see him?

 Guess he’ll just have to accept the invite and find out.

 Sure enough, when Desmond steps out of his office and looks down the hall, there’s Rainbow’s apartment waiting for him at the end. Approaching the door and trying the doorknob, he finds it’s not locked, and so steps into the light.

 The first thing Desmond notices when he emerges from the purple glow of the doorway is that Rainbow had indeed done some renovations, like he had said. The walls and floors are all properly aligned now, and despite the colourful mist that still drifts across the floor, Desmond actually feels like he’s standing in a normal apartment, unlike his last two visits.

 Well, a newly moved into normal apartment, anyway. As for the ‘interior decorating’ part, it looks like what Rainbow mainly meant by that is that he added more furniture to the place. It’s still pretty bare in terms of actual decorations, aside from a small handful of framed artwork clustered together on one wall. Getting closer, Desmond sees it’s some of Rainbow’s own art; cleaned up versions of some of the sketches the therapist had seen spread across the dining table. There’s the lighthouse drawing, the forest scene, the crows… and the drawing of Rainbow and Desmond that resembles that one scene from The Lion King with Scar and the mouse.

 Desmond once again chooses to completely ignore this drawing and its implications.

 Instead, he brings his attention to the slightly ajar door to his left, which is the door that leads to the shower in his own apartment. In Rainbow’s, however, the door doesn’t open into a bathroom. It doesn’t open into a room at all.

 On the other side of the door lies a fantastical scene of small, rocky islands floating in an endless red, blue, and purple sky- the same place Desmond faced off against his former shadow. But as he fully crosses the threshold into the dream-like space, he immediately notes that it feels… different from last time. The storm that was raging in the distance before is now gone, as are the floating clusters of canisters, but the different feeling goes beyond just that. He can’t quite put his finger on it…

 The figure sitting at the end of the trail of small islands ahead could probably tell him what’s up, though.

 Just like last time, gravity appears to be lower here, making it fairly easy for Desmond to hop from island to island as he makes his way to Rainbow. Said man is sitting on the edge of the final island, staring off into the endless, colourful expanse. He glances Desmond’s way once the therapist finally lands on the last island. “I was starting to think you weren’t going to show,” he tells Desmond.

 “I was a little caught off-guard by the invitation,” Desmond admits. “Never really expected you to actually want me back here.”

 Rainbow says nothing to that. Desmond moves to stand at the edge of the island next to him, and follows his gaze into the distance. “It’s a lot more… peaceful here, compared to last time,” he muses aloud. Desmond has finally picked up on how Rainbow isn’t exactly fond of being asked too many questions… but will provide answers if indirectly prompted, when the mood strikes him.

 And it evidently strikes him now, as Rainbow says, “Well, your brain isn’t in a fight to the death against itself anymore, so.”

 Desmond huffs a laugh. “Thank god.”

 “Not fighting against the Agent Rainbow in your system anymore probably helps, too,” Rainbow then adds.

 Desmond looks back to him at that. “What do you mean?”

 “Don’t ask me how, because I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to,” Rainbow begins, “but it seems your nervous system has managed to acclimate to the chemical agent. It’s basically just part of your brain’s natural chemistry, now.”

 Desmond just stares at Rainbow, processing what he just said. The chemical is just… part of him now? But, how? Why? Was it due to his high dose, or something inherent to Desmond himself? Is this the reason why Rainbow gained self-awareness? Does the chemical being a part of him mean his body is also producing it, now?

 Desmond silently stands there with all these questions running through his head at a mile a minute, his gaze having drifted away from Rainbow. As such, he doesn’t notice when the man stands up. He does notice when Rainbow snaps his fingers right in his face, though.

 Desmond startles, and shoots Rainbow an unhappy look.

 “Just making sure you were still in there,” Rainbow says. “You’re a little too close to the edge to be zoning out.”

 Hearing that, Desmond looks down, immediately regrets it, and takes a few healthy steps backwards. Rainbow chuckles at his reaction, and is unfazed by the dirty look Desmond sends his way.

 With his attention brought back to Rainbow, another new question pops up in Desmond’s head: “How do you know this? Know that my brain’s acclimated to the chemical?”

 “I live here,” is all Rainbow says.

 Uh- huh. Well, there’s something Desmond hadn’t ever thought about. That Rainbow could have much more intimate knowledge of the workings of Desmond’s own brain than Desmond himself even could.

 …He’s not entirely sure he likes that idea. But at least Rainbow hasn’t done anything malicious with it.

 “Is this why you invited me in here? To tell me this,” Desmond next asks.

 “I thought it was something you ought to know,” Rainbow says as he moves to sit back down on the edge of the island, “and that it would be best if I told you here and now, when you have to process it, rather than just let you stumble upon the realization during a less… convenient moment. You're welcome.”

 Desmond blinks in very clear surprise. That’s… actually really considerate of Rainbow. Huh. Perhaps Desmond was right about his former shadow being able to grow and change as a person, now that he more or less is one. Of course, it could also be that he told Desmond this just to somehow benefit himself… but still. It’s definitely progress.

 “Uh, thanks,” Desmond awkwardly replies after realizing he’d just been standing there staring again. He swears he didn’t used to get this lost in thought this often…

 Rainbow looks at him, but gives no response, instead just turning his attention back to the sprawling sky before them. Desmond turns his gaze to the colourful expanse as well, really taking it all in now. Like he’d noted earlier, it feels peaceful now, the air no longer charged with fear, anger, or uncertainty. The only feeling he’s getting from being in this place now is a calmness that washes over him like a refreshing wave, or a cooling breeze.

 Desmond sees why Rainbow chose to include this place in his home (and why he decided this was the best place to drop that bombshell about the state of Desmond’s brain, too).

 Quietly, Desmond moves to take a seat as well, sitting cross-legged on the surprisingly not uncomfortable ground. Neither man spares the other any more looks, or any more words. The silence, like everything else in this strange space, is peaceful.

 The mental exhaustion that usually follows Desmond upon waking from the mindscape is completely absent come the morning.