Chapter Text
“What are you staring so seriously at?” Top joins Mew on the sofa at their place, and hands him a glass of wine.
“Thanks.” Mew murmurs absently, eyes still trained on his phone screen.
Top leans in and rests his chin on Mew’s shoulder, trying to peer at what it is that’s gotten all of Mew’s attention. Before Top can actually see anything, Mew starts to explain, “Ray just posted about his mom. It’s her death anniversary today.”
Top lifts his chin off of Mew’s shoulder and hums in acknowledgement, understanding now why Mew has been blue today to say the least. “Is his family holding a memorial ceremony?”
Mew nods with a smile on his face that lacks the usual exuberance, “Ray must be having a hard time.”
“As are you. You’re been glum today.”
Mew glances at Top, stunned by what Top is saying. “Am I?” he forces some brightness into his smile then. “Sorry. The anniversary has been on my mind for a few days now.” Mew puts both his phone and his glass of wine at the table in front of them.
The fact that Mew and Ray are the kind of best friends that literally share their joys and pains is something that miffs Top to no end. He’s somewhat jealous of their friendships too if he’s being honest with himself.
There is no room for such feelings right now though. The fact that Mew visibly feels this bad about the grief his best friend must be feeling - Top feels pride and respect than anything else to have someone so kind, loyal and loving. It’s commendable.
Top puts his arm around Mew and kisses his hair to comfort him. “Are you going to the memorial ceremony?”
“Sand will probably be there. I don’t want to make things weird. Lately it seems like they are trying to patch things up. Also, I was consoling Ray when that kiss incident happened. I thought you might be uncomfortable with me going to him now…in case…” Mew trails off.
Top considers this for a moment then he puts his wine glass down as well and shifts slightly to his left to face Mew more directly. “You should go.”
“Can I?” Mew face comes alive with hope. “You don’t mind?”
A frown touches Top’s eyebrows, but quickly his expression softens and he offers Mew a warm smile. “I might not be very fond of Ray but I’m not heartless. Listen Mew, Sand means a lot to Ray, but you’re Ray’s best friend. He needs you too. You should go and support him.”
While grinning brighter than the sun, Mew throws his arms around Top in a big, grateful hug. He squeezes harder and harder until Top grunts in protest, and then he pulls back, laughing. Holding Top’s face between the palms of his hands, Mew kisses him softly on the lips, lingeringly, feelingly. “Thank you.” He whispers against Top’s lips.
“Is that all it takes to get big hugs and sweet kisses from you?” Top comments
Mew plays along, acting like he’s also only getting hit with this realisation. “Apparently. Who knew?”
Top steals another kiss before finally letting go out Mew. “I’ll miss you while I sip my wine alone.” He sighs pitifully, pouting a bit. “Can you stay and go at the same time?”
It’s always a real treat for Mew whenever Top acts all cute and needy. “I wish I could. I’ll miss you too.” Mew kisses Top one last time before getting up to go.
*****
The memorial ceremony is already over when Mew gets to Ray’s house. It being a small affair made it short-lived as well, Ray explains while leading Mew to the living room where it appears that Ray has been drinking alone. They come to a halt and Mew pulls Ray into a consoling hug.
“Thanks for coming, Man.” Ray says.
“No problem.”
They step apart and go to the sofa to sit down. “Do you want a drink?” Ray asks and Mew shakes his head.
“How are things over here?”
Ray takes a sip of his whisky. “Okay.” He shrugs a shoulder. “The ceremony went well.”
“I expected to find Sand here.”
“No.” Ray stops for a few seconds. “He’s not.” He tries not to sound as dejected as he feels about it, but doesn’t quite succeed. “It’s okay. I have dad. And you.”
Mew can’t promptly think of something to say that would make Ray feel better, so he changes the subject. “Is your dad still upset with you?”
“No. We talked and…” Ray smiles. “You’ll be surprised what he told me.”
Mew mirrors the smile on Ray’s face. “Do tell.”
Ray does tell, all about why his dad wants him to work for White & Mint. Mew laughs, and laughs until Ray gets peeved.
“I’m so sorry, man.” Mew says, still laughing. “I can imagine you must feel like an idiot.”
“You have no idea.”
“Aww.” Mew soothes, playfully tickling Ray’s under-chin. Ray swats his hand away.
“You’re enjoying my shame a bit too much.”
“A bit yes, but the best part is that you and your dad are good now.”
“Is Top okay with you being here?”
“He told me to come.”
Ray’s eyebrows shoot up in disbelief and then he lowers his gaze, letting that information sink in. “I think I owe your boyfriend a proper apology, Mew.”
*****
Mew stays for a while to talk to Ray some more, give him some cheer and drink with him a bit before finally leaving. Ray is just going up stairs to his bedroom when he hears the main doorbell ring. He considers letting the butler handle it, but decides to answer since he’s near the door anyway.
Ray pulls the door open and finds Sand standing there. His mouth falls open marginally in surprise. “Sand.” He breathes.
“Hi. Sorry I’m so late.” Sand shifts awkwardly, gaze momentarily darting this way and that way before coming back to Ray. “I have no excuse.” Sand figures it would be insulting to try and justify his absence by explaining where he’s been. None of his responsibilities could possibly be more important than the death anniversary of the person Ray loved the most.
Ray shakes his head dismissively because it doesn’t matter where Sand has been or why he’s late. He’s here now and that’s what’s important. After all this is what Ray has spent all evening wishing for. “It’s okay. I’m glad you came.” He extends his hand and Sand takes it. “Come in.”
They walk wordlessly and hand-in-hand to Ray’s bedroom. “Did the ceremony go well?” Sand asks
“Yeah.” Ray nods. “I’m kind of glad my dad could make it.” They are not close in any sense of the word despite just being the two of them in the family, but Ray still finds some comfort in having his dad around at times like this. Ray could only ever admit things like this out loud to Sand.
Ray slides his hand out of Sand’s and crosses his arms against his chest. “The post you made about your mom is beautiful. She would have loved it.”
The smile that touches Ray’s lips is filled with such sorrow and uncertainty as well. “I don’t know. I can’t be sure. I never knew the kind of person she was.”
“Ray.” Sand’s voice is gentle. “Don’t think about that now. It’ll only make you sadder.”
Ray makes a noncommittal noise with this throat then wordlessly he turns on his heel to go and pour himself a drink. Sand follows him to there and takes the bottle of whisky from Ray’s hand. “Don’t.”
Ray exhales shakily and looks skywards. Sand puts the bottle down, takes Ray by the arm and turns him around, forcing him to meet Sand’s gaze. “Ray, are you okay?”
Ray shakes his head, blinking back tears. “I tried to keep my spirits up today. I really tried because it shouldn’t still hurt this much. I keep thinking it’ll get easier as time passes, but…it doesn’t.” his lips quiver from the effort of holding his tears back, his vision blurry with unshed tears. “I wonder if I’ll ever feel better.”
“Maybe you will. Maybe you won’t. There are no guarantees. Just don’t try to pretend you don’t feel the pain.”
“No one wants to be that person that’s perpetually aggrieved.”
“I know. Everyone has problems and barely any time and patience left to for other people’s difficulties. I can’t promise to be perfect about this with you either, but I’m here for you, Ray. I won’t ignore or minimise your pain.”
“I love you, Sand.” Ray sobs, voicing cracking at the end as the soreness boiling over in his heart make it impossible to continue holding his tears back.
“I love you too, Ray. I always will.” Ray wraps Ray in his arms and holds him tight against his chest while he cries.
*****
Boston has Nick backed up in a dark corner, their bodies pressed together heatedly against the wall, heavy-touching and breathing heavily as their lips press together in a prolonged open-mouth kiss. Nick gently pushes at Boston to put some space between them so he can catch his breath, and before they actually tear each other’s clothes off in public.
They stare at each other for a few silent beats and then they both snigger at their own antiques.
“Maybe we should leave.” Boston suggests, running his hands up and down the sides of Nick’s waist.
“We could.” Nick unhurriedly slides his arms around Boston’s shoulders. “But this is also fun, doing this kind of thing in places where we shouldn’t be.”
Boston hums. “What have I turned you into?” he good-humouredly laments. Like there is such a tragedy at hand.
“I’m the one who made the first move on you, remember? I don’t get why you keep thinking I’m so innocent.”
“Your cute face misleads me every time. I forget the amazing things you’re capable of.”
“You know what they say; the best things come in cute packages.”
“Nobody says that.”
“You’re only arguing now because my mouth is not on your dick.”
Boston’s mouth stretches into a big, toothy grin. “Now I’m kinda thinking about that.” he leans in closer and gently touches the tip of his nose to Nick’s then kisses it.
“Let’s go to your car so I can turn your thoughts into reality.”
Boston kisses Nick hot and needy.
Someone harrumphs and pats Boston on the shoulder to get his attention. Boston reluctantly pulls away from Nick and looks to the side to find his friend standing there- Vat from the school of medicine.
“Sorry to interrupt.” Vat grins at Nick and Boston.
Nick stands up straight away from the wall, briefly adjusting his clothing, hair and whatever else he feels might be out of place. Boston couldn’t be bothered to do the same. Keeping one arm around Nick’s waist, he turns towards Vat. “No problem. What’s up, Vat?”
“I was wondering whether Ray is here tonight.”
Boston’s eyebrows furrow, “My friend Ray?” and when Vat nods, he asks, “Why?”
Vat smirks, a most mischievous look dancing in his eyes. “Must you know everything, Ton?!” he responds elusively
“Yes. Tell me.” Boston smiles, even more curious now that his friend is being obscure.
“Alright. I talked to Ray a bit at King’s party last time and…” Vat shrugs a shoulder like what he’s said is sufficient enough, but Boston continues to pin him with a probing look which compels Vat to add, “Maybe there is something there. I don’t know.”
“Are we still talking about my Ray?”
“Yes.” Vat frowns a bit at how surprised Boston seems. “I thought he was cute and funny, so I want to see him again. He seemed nice.”
“Cute, nice and funny.” Boston chortles. “Obviously you haven’t spent a lot of time with him.”
Nick elbows Boston in the side and Boston winces, glancing indignantly at Nick.
“If you see Ray, tell him I’m looking for him, okay?”
“Sure, Vat.” Boston nods and Vat walks away.
Boston steps in front of Nick. “What was that for?”
“How could you discredit your own friend like that?”
Boston shrugs. “I was just surprised that someone thinks Ray is nice.”
“Why are you friends with Ray then?”
“It’s certainly not because he’s nice.”
“Is it because the both of you are jerks then?”
“Something like that?”
Nick rolls his eyes, shaking his head and laughing at how stupid that sounds. “Let’s go get a drink and look for Ray.”
*****
Nick and Boston find Ray standing alone amidst the crowd near the stage where Sand is performing. Boston takes him by the arm and leads him to a slightly less populated spot, with Nick in tow.
“What is it?” Ray asks the couple.
“Do you remember Vat?” Boston asks
“Who’s that?” Ray looks as confused as they come.
Nick chuckles, amused by the fact that Vat is pining for someone who doesn’t even remember him.
“My friend Vat. He’s in medicine. Apparently you talked to him a bit at King’s photo exhibit success party.”
Ray searches his brain for the people he talked to at that party and he can’t for the life of him recall a Vat. Was it the lanky pale-skinned one, the hot muscular one with the buzz cut hair or the well-mannered preppy rich kid who kept showing off his English speaking skills? Maybe it’s the one that looked like James Dean reincarnated.
“I don’t know. What about him?”
“He likes you.”
Ray’s face scrunches up as his confusion only deepens. Someone he can’t even remember talking to likes him? “He likes me?”
“Apparently.”
“How come?”
“Trust me I can’t believe it either, but that’s that. He’s looking everywhere for you right now.”
“I don’t…I’m not available.” Ray points in the direction of the stage where Sand is currently performing.
“I thought you and Sand broke up.” Boston tears his gaze from Ray to look at Nick who shakes his head. Boston looks back at Ray. “Well I severely misunderstood that.”
“We’re working things out I guess. I don’t know if he’ll ever take me back but…” Ray’s trails off, failing to find the words to describe the current state of his relationship with Sand. It feels like they are back together but nothing has been said to confirm anything.
Boston clamps a hand on Ray’s shoulder. “Give him a little more time. I’m pretty sure he’ll come around. He’s still into you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
Ray nods and offers a tiny smile of gratitude. “So tell Vat that I’m not interested.”
“Let him down yourself, man. I have some place to be right now.” Boston winks at Nick who blushes and looks away trying not to grin.
Ray fondly rolls his eyes at them, having some idea what this thing Boston has to do is. “Okay, help me find Vat first.”
*****
So Vat is the well-mannered preppy rich kid who kept showing off his English speaking skills to Ray. Looking at him now, how well he’s dressed like the star kid at a private school- it’s such a sharp contrast against their surroundings, Ray notes. He looks out of place at a simple hole-in-the-wall bar.
Ray disregards all that and focuses on hearing what Vat has to say to him.
*****
Sand’s eyes haven’t stopped scanning the expanse of the bar since he got off stage, searching for Ray. The number of people keeps increasing and the search is getting more taxing on his vision.
He finds it endlessly amazing that at this point he has to remind himself that he and Ray are broken up. Right now, Sand should be enjoying himself with someone new on his arm. Instead he’s here missing Ray and wondering whether Ray misses him nearly just as much.
Sand wonders whether it’s worth it to keep pretending he can get over Ray when being with him is what feels natural, and being without him hurts so much.
Never shot of people to chat with, Sand does some socialising over drinks and this takes his mind off Ray but only for so long. Nick comes around at some point while Sand is taking some time away from the circle he’s hanging out with to smoke a cigarette. “Why are you here alone, man? Come join me and Ton.”
“Third-wheeling?” Sand chortles, shaking his head. “Hell no. I saw you with Ray at some point. Do you know where he is?”
“Yeah. He’s outside now talking to some guy who has a crush on him.”
Something heavy settles in Sand’s chest.
“Does it seem like…..” Sand doesn’t even know what he should ask. Nick gets the unspoken question though, loud and clear. They’re best friends for a reason after all.
“….Like Ray is trying to move on?”
Sand nods and Nick replies, “I don’t think so. Why do you care? Shouldn’t you be somewhere with someone else too?”
“I….” words fail Sand completely and he lowers his gaze
Nick, quick-witted as he is reads in between the lines and says, “If you’ve decided to take Ray back, go and make it clear to him before that preppy guy snatches him from you.” Nick slings an arm around Sand’s shoulders, “Let me buy you a drink or two. It looks like you need it. Afterwards I’ll help you look for your bae.”
*****
After speaking to Vat and getting the message across that he’s not interested in the guy, Ray goes back inside the bar to look for Sand and finds him talking to Nick, Boston and P’Yo.
Ray briefly hugs Sand’s back before stepping to his side so he can say hi to everyone else.
Once the pleasantries are out of the way, Ray takes his attention back to Sand and his heart swells at how happy Sand looks to see him.
Sand stares through alcohol-dazed eyes at Ray’s smiling face, thinking how this one person can make him so incredibly happy. Just having Ray bedside him again tonight, Sand feels centred.
“May I borrow Sand from you guys?” Ray asks Nick mostly
“Yes please. He keeps going on about you anyway.” P’Yo rolls her eyes, feigning exasperation.
Ray grins and takes Sand’s hand, tugging him in a random direction, to wherever they can alone. Not far from the spot they just left, Ray finds an area he deems safe enough from the prying eyes of his friends. He stops and clutches onto Sand’s leather jacket.
“Hi. I’ve been looking for you.” Ray smiles softly and playfully at Sand.
“Have you? Nick told me about Vat.”
Ray chuckles, “Well news travels fast.”
“Do you like him?” Sand asks disdainfully, just barely coherent in his speech. As it turns out, he’s had a little too much to drink.
Ray’s heart lurches in his chest at the question. “Why would you ask me that? I was just talking to the guy.”
“Nick tells me that this guy that likes you is some smart med student.”
“You’re smart too, Sand.”
“….and he can speak English.” Sand continues like Ray didn’t just interrupt him.
“You’ll discover that one’s English speaking skills has very little to do with how good of a boyfriend they can be.”
Sand feels so possessive of Ray while also battling with the fact that he has no right to be. They’ve been doing everything boyfriends do but they are not really together for the sole reason that Sand is still afraid of getting hurt again. Sand wants nothing more than for them to be official again, to be the object of Ray’s sweet and passionate love. And now that Sand has discovered how caring Ray can be, he wants it all and more. He wants to spend the rest of his life slowly discovering about all the sides there are to Ray and learning to love them.
All Sand has to do is to take a step forward, but….if Ray hurt him again, it would break him. “I’m scared Ray.” Sand whispers, the words seemingly coming out of nowhere as far as Ray is concerned.
Ray feels like a dagger has gone through his heart as it promptly becomes clear what Sand is talking about. Ray’s first instinct is to fall back into his comfort zone, accepting his faults and letting Sand make the decision for their future. The braver, more mature man Sand has recently taught Ray to be fights the instinct this time.
This time Ray wants to meet Sand halfway and do better for the future he knows they both want together. “I know you are.” Ray begins, bringing his arms up to tenderly hold Sand’s face between the palms of his hands.
Where Ray once said this like ‘I’m a screw up, but I love you’, Ray says instead, “You don’t have to be scared anymore. I’m really, truly over Mew this time. I won’t hurt you again. I’ll put in the work to protect your heart, and our love. I won’t just love you anymore. I’ll love you right and fix the trust that I’ve broken.”
Sand’s heart soars because he desperately wants more of Ray’s right love, especially after tasting some of it recently. It occurs to Sand that he can’t taste this promise of a better future for them unless he leaves his fears behind and gives Ray another chance, scary as that might be.
To hope is to live.
Finally, Sand literally and delicately takes a step towards Ray, slowly closing in on him, forcing him to step backwards until his back literally hits the wall behind him. The entire time Sand’s gaze is trained on Ray’s despite slightly lacking in their level of focus.
“I can’t live without you, Ray.”
A huge smile spreads across Ray’s face. “I tried living without you and it sucked. Let’s try anything else. No one is better for me than you." His expression is serious, determined to convince Sand. He keeps his voice gentle though because for the most part he just finds it endearing that Sand is being jealous.
Sand nods and he gives Ray is soft kiss on the forehead.
He drops his head on Ray’s shoulder with a soft groan, burying his forehead in the space between Ray’s shoulder and neck and nuzzling there.
Sand stills and sighs quietly then. “Ray.” He breathes wantonly.
“Hm?” Ray cranes his neck trying to peer down at Sand. “What is it?”
“No one smells like you. It’s nice.”
Ray wraps his arms around Sand the way he’s truly yearning to, letting Sand’s scent fill his senses.
A shudder wrecks Ray at the ticklish feeling of Sand’s breath on his neck. Sand brings his hands to Ray’s waist and gently pulls him in closer.
Sand’s lips find Ray’s and then they’re kissing. It happens so naturally and so easily. It feels so good and so right.
Ray’s fingers curl into Sand’s hair as he inclines his head to one side and deepens the kiss, biting gently on Sand’s lower lip.
All he knows is that each brush of their tongues against each other is more exciting than the last, so he continues chasing that sweet taste trying to satisfy his deeply seated hunger.
“I missed you, Sand. I love you.” Ray whispers heatedly against Sand’s mouth while still stealing a series of small kisses. “Say you’ll take me back.”
Sand smiles toothily, melting Ray’s heart about it. “You had me at that nasty cup of coffee.”
Sand is like a dream come true for Ray and having him back feels like he has been renewed. So Ray will give it his all and love Sand to the moon and back. “Thank you, Sand, for choosing me again.”
“It’ll always be you, Ray.”
“Shall we go someplace more comfortable to better express our feelings?” Ray’s eyes sparkle seductively.
“Let’s go to mine.”
“I believe Nick and Ton have similar plans. Your apartment might get pretty loud tonight.”
“I hate my neighbours, so…” Sand shrugs, nonchalant.
“I that case we should reconsider my suggestion to give you a blowjob out on your balcony.”
Smirking and shaking his head, Sand steps out of Ray’s arms to take his hand. “That sounds ridiculous now, but you should ask me again after I’ve had some green cookies.”
They leave the bar holding hands and laughing. The excitement roaring in their chests and the chemistry between them isn’t necessarily what it used to be and that’s okay because; they have a new feeling to explore and a different chapter to write.
-The End-