Chapter Text
It was a windy afternoon and Osamu Dazai was sitting on a bench at a local park, reading a book. He just came back from school and does not want to be home. When he got home from a long day at school, Mori came on with some shit about his mental health or something. It deeply bothered him and so he decided to leave.
Osamu thinks back to what Mori was saying.
'"Osamu you need to start taking better care of yourself, you don't want another accident"'
Osamu just stood there staring up at him blankly while nodding.'
Osamu was reading 'Egg shells" by Caitriona Lally. He found it at a library last week and thought it might be interesting. Osamu didn't have much of an opinion on the book itself but it was a good read.
Osamu pauses and looks up from the book,
'I wonder if I'm a bad person?
But then again there are other people who are worse, so I guess to others I could be deemed as "bad", but I haven't done anything to be punished for. I'm just not as morally good as other humans are, I really am a horrible boy.'
Osamu sighs and cringes at his thoughts.
"I hate myself." Osamu groans.
"I don't blame you," A familiar voice appears.
Osamu pauses and looks up(for once). The ginger-haired male from his class is standing right in front of him. He has some run-down jeans, a white shirt, and a brown sweater. His hair was all let down in almost a shaggy way.
"Oh wow I have to look up at you for once" Osamu speaks without thinking. Lately, Osamu has been doing that a lot with Chuuya and he can't figure out why. He wants to just sew his mouth shut.
Chuuya gets visibly irritated at this but doesn't say anything. He shoves his hands in his pockets and opens his mouth.
"Are you here with anyone?" Chuuya asks.
"Do you see anyone else?" Osamu retorts.
Chuuya clicks his tongue.
"Do you wanna walk together? I'm also alone and I didn't plan on doing anything?"
Osamu's eyes widened, this was the first time anyone had asked him to hang out. He opens his mouth to say no, but all that comes out is a short.
"Sure, Where do you want to go?"
Surprised by what he said Osamu puts his mouth over his hand and looks over to Chuuya who is also shocked that he accepted but a small smile forms on his lips. The wind blows his hair slightly as he lends out a hand to help Osamu up from his seat.
"Let's go then."
Osamu takes his hand and then quickly lets go. Chuuya looks at him for a moment then looks away with a smile.
They walked for a while in silence. It was mainly Osamu following Chuuya. They ended up at an Ice cream shop and Osamu questioned it but stayed silent.
“What do you want? I’ll pay” Chuuya offers and Osamu says in a small voice, “No… It’s alright, I should pay as a thank you for the other day”
Chuuya smiles wide at him, Chuuya ends up getting a regular chocolate ice cream and Osamu gets vanilla. “Thank you Dazai!”, “Don’t mention it now, I don't owe you anything,” Osamu says bluntly.
Chuuya rolled his eyes, “You’re so stuck up” he says as he takes a lick of his ice cream.
“What?” Osamu says in confusion, ‘I don’t think I am’, he thinks.
“You think you’re better than everyone else 'cause you’re one of the tops in class and your family is so rich, You never talk to anyone you’re honestly so insufferable.”
“I don’t think I’m better than everyone,” Osamu said, frowning slightly.
“I just.. Don’t find people very interesting and I doubt they find me interesting, being on my own easier he doesn’t gather attention.”
Chuuya’s eyes widen at his honesty, “Oh”
“I always lose someone the moment I obtain them so it’s far much easier to just not get very close to others,” Osamu says with empty dark eyes.
Chuuya looks at him with a sad look, “So you’ve lost people as well?”
Osamu stares at him for a moment, “You have to?”
“Yes”
The two boys sit in silence for a while, ‘I didn’t think that I and a delinquent would have much in common’
“Do you smoke?” Chuuya asks.
“Yes in fact?”
“Seriously?!”
“Yeah, I just got supply stocked like the other day”
“Oh, well want some” Chuuya pulls out some weed. “I usually smoke cigarettes on my walks but I wanted to get high today.”
“Sure”
The two smoke for a while as they make their way to a nearby park. The two were laughing as they talked about the most random things, their eyes blood red. They see a convenience store across the street, look at each other, and nod. They both come out with a cart full of things and Osamu laughing inside the cart as Chuuya pushes him, as the store clerk yells behind them. They made their way to an arcade. Playing an endless amount of games.
“If I win, you’ll be my dog forever” Osamu smirks, Chuuya was as loud as a chihuahua.
“Ehhhh?!! Absolutely not!!”, Chuuya yells.
They played all the games and Chuuya lost every single time.
“Guess you’re my dog now, sluggg” Osamu said, dragging out the nickname.
“Shut it mackerel!” Chuuya says, wrapping his hands around Osamu’s throat, “I’ll kill you!”
“Please do!”, Osamu says as he closes his eyes, “Ugh you suicidal bastard” Chuuya glares at him, removing his hands from the brunette's neck.
It was dark out and The two boys were sitting on a pair of swings, Chuuya said as he stuffed his face with chocolate, “I didn’t think you’d be this fun to hang around Osamu”
“Osamu?”, The bandaged boy questioned, with surprise.
“Yeah I thought it was alright,” Chuuya said kicking his fit nervously.
“I guess I’ll let it slug,” Osamu says, flicking the smaller boy's forehead.
Chuuya’s eye twitched in annoyance, “Whatever mackerel”
“I didn’t think we would get along so well either… I had fun” Osamu smiles a truly happy smile.
Chuuya smiles back at him as both boys laugh,
Maybe getting close wouldn’t be so bad, but Osamu can’t shake the feelings of losing something as quickly as he obtains it. Why is it that we as humans cannot be happy ourselves or love ourselves throughout our lives? It happened so often to Osamu that he couldn’t fathom himself as a human much less likable, so he wondered will this happiness last or will he continue the endless suffering and despair he had experienced since birth.