Chapter Text
Feelings are always complicated, whenever you try to read someone’s motives, you always try to think logically, but when those feelings make noise, the translation gets lost in your head, and you end up ignoring and misinterpreting the other’s intentions.
But we can’t be logical all the time, sometimes we aren’t logical, and sometimes, it is for the worst.
There’s a small voice who murmurs awful things right in your ear, torturing you and convincing you of things you’d never do.
Who is this voice?
What type of small demon has entered your brain for you to think this way?
Everyone has a demon, whispering different sins until you give up on yourself, for some it’s greed, for others pride, for Pico it’s envy.
A hell that has lasted years, there’s no other way to describe it. Pico always watched from afar what he lost, and who had found “it,” who now possessed what was once his. After that day, the presence of that little demon became unbearable.
Since long ago, he had never been in the best state. That fateful day at school, the day that took away his innocence and replaced it with a cruel glimpse of how violent the world can truly be.
He was only thirteen, but a small voice started whispering in his ear, during the day it would torment him with memories, during the night it would keep him awake. No matter what he did, it wouldn’t go away.
What could be a close match to his struggles, and what could stop them?
Not so long after, he found the answer, not a what, but a who.
The one who would hear his problems and put an end to his suffering, an innocent blue that could shine in this gray world adorned with crimson makeup. The one with such a warm touch that could melt the coldest of the hearts, the one with a radiant smile which could make the rain produce a rainbow… The one whose voice would be strong enough to silence the little devil in his mind.
After his breakup with Boyfriend, that small demon returned, with more repugnant comments, but its muttering was different. No more words to fill him with guilt, no more thoughts that only promoted hatred towards himself, the anxiety and paranoia were slowly silenced by a different concept, it was envy.
His eternal sadness had been replaced with despair, and an inescapable resentment towards someone else.
She wasn’t guilty of any crime, she happened to be better since the day she had been born. A wealthy and more stable family, a happier and more normal childhood, a pretty face, and most importantly, a good life. Girlfriend had been raised to be a good girl, to never experience grief and live at her fullest.
Why was Girlfriend chosen to be all he couldn’t be?
To live the life he couldn’t have?
To have the person he lost?
More thoughts tortured him day by day, never stopping his incessant torture, never allowing him to rest. That voice became louder and louder despite his demands, he was forced to live with it, to endure it like he has always done.
What was his purpose in this life if it wasn’t to be happy with the one he loved?
One day a miracle happened. For the first time, Boyfriend felt a pang of worry coming from his current relationship, and Girlfriend couldn’t soothe his worries. As if God had listened to Pico’s pleads, Boyfriend came back to him.
Pico didn’t want that small voice to win, even if he had stolen a kiss from his beloved that day, it was nothing but a proof of the innocent love he held from the bottom of his heart. However, that satisfaction only silenced the noise in his head for a short amount of time, such joy was only ephemeral, and as soon as it ended, his pain returned, decided to make his skull explode if necessary.
A lot happened since that day, his interactions with Boyfriend slowly grew more intimately, just as his love for him grew bigger, or better said, his obsession.
No one was more aware of his sins that Pico himself, as he became a shell of regrets, but his biggest sin was how he took advantage of his love in a sick and twisted mind game.
Boyfriend was stupid, even calling him just that is giving him too much credit. Pico many times despised that stupidity coming from Boyfriend, it was irritating to solve his mistakes, to see how he believed everything he was being told, and all because he couldn’t stop to think for a second.
Girlfriend’s parents loved her, it was obvious that this rap contest was just to scare Boyfriend away, and it had worked. Thinking they would seriously use their daughter as a trophy is only an assumption an idiot would make out of their own ignorance. If the Dearest had had a winner in that contest, they would’ve broken their promise and kept their daughter to themselves once again.
Yet, Boyfriend believed, and the worst part, Pico knew. If only he had told Boyfriend that his girlfriend wouldn’t be given away so easily, Boyfriend would’ve believed his words and regain his own confidence. Instead of that. Pico used Boyfriend’s stupidity as a wildcard, and then forced him to cheat and make a bet in a rigged devil’s roulette that was in Pico’s favor since the start.
A game like this was expected to have many different outcomes, but two out of the three players didn’t know how to play, maybe they didn’t know they were playing at all. The third player who only had one objective, to win no matter what, took the lead and didn’t look back.
For the first time in years, Pico listened to the voice in his head, now realizing that it was actually in his heart, and allowed himself to be selfish one last time, to pursue his own happiness instead of the one he cared the most, ignoring the world, and moving on.
Thanks to that, the voice finally stopped once again, and instead his ears were welcomed with a pleasant sound, the moans of an angel.
A memory started playing on the back of his mind, how after Boyfriend’s noticeably weak state, he had managed to get him out of his apartment, right after his encounter with Girlfriend, and brought him to his own house instead.
As much as he hated looking at Boyfriend and see his pathetic state, mentally and physically, it was a necessary move in this love duel against Girlfriend.
Once again, they got together and embraced each other as they shared their warmth, and Pico was able to hear the sound that could soothe his pain. However, later he would find himself enduring the sight of his lover’s tears filled with utter hopelessness, knowing that all that had happened was his fault.
Boyfriend had given up completely, now that he betrayed Girlfriend’s love, couldn’t shut up the whispers full of regret that tormented him all night.
The contest was canceled, it was his only relief, because in his mind at least his girlfriend wouldn’t be taken away and harmed or used, yet, he knew that the only one who harmed her was himself. He wanted to disappear the more he blamed his own actions, not to mention the cops were after him, sooner or later, he would’ve to confess.
This is just as much as his brain could comprehend, but Pico was smarter, and managed to see a solution to all their problems.
“But what if you were dead?” Pico suggested, while Boyfriend hugged him in search of any comfort, the moonlight made his tears shine and helped to make emphasis on his confused expression.
Pico quickly noticed this and decided to continue, “Think about it, you wouldn’t need to speak, to hear, to see, ever again… You wouldn’t have to think ever again.”
No more guilt stored inside his chest, no more worries about the outside, no more cops trying to get him to confess, he would be able to rest in peace like he had long awaited.
Pico came up with a plan, he would take care of everything and fake Boyfriend’s death.
Boyfriend’s relatives were in another country, and as long as it was known, only Boyfriend knew how to contact with them, meaning that no one would be here for the identification of the body, the only one would be girlfriend, who just like Boyfriend, was completely stupid. It wouldn’t be too hard to take another body and make it pass as Boyfriend’s, she depended too much on her parents and knowing their dislike for her boyfriend, they would be against holding an investigation.
If Pico could find someone with a close body type to Boyfriend’s, kill that person, damage his corpse beyond recognition, most likely with fire, who would be able to tell that corpse wasn’t him? After all, without a family and with Girlfriend’s parents opposing to her probable request of an investigation, he could make it pass as one of the murders related to the rap contest that he himself had been committing.
With this, in the outside world, Boyfriend would be dead, only he would know the truth, only he would own him from now on. The only thing he needed now was the other’s agreement.
Without too much trouble, Boyfriend had been convinced, it was better if this was the way out for him, that his girlfriend could move on and find someone who wouldn’t betray her feelings, and so, the police wouldn’t be after him.
Even when this mean to stay with Pico for as long as he lived, enclosed inside the same house without the possibility of seeing the outside world ever again, his mind was too tired to care. He agreed to Pico’s plan, allowing him to whatever he wanted to do, as long as it benefited him, he couldn’t care less about what happened out there.
And so, his little plan started not so long after, and just as he predicted, everything went the way it was intended. Only now he was grateful of all the times he heard Boyfriend talk about Girlfriend, thanks to that, she became extremely easy to read and predict, along with her family.
Officially now, Boyfriend was dead, and so that meant, he now belonged to him and only him.
The days went by, and slowly Boyfriend changed, he wasn’t the same depressed person he was a few days ago, but definitely wasn’t the same confident rapper he once met and fell in love with.
What was before his eyes was something else, something hard to describe, but it still made Pico think. It’s just as if Boyfriend’s eyes had become as lifeless as his, but it was probably normal, considering that he might never be able to look at the outside ever again. Even someone like Pico would get tired of being closed up in the same house for the rest of his life.
In some type of unnerving way, his eyes displayed exquisite beauty, just like the eyes of a doll. Maybe that was what Boyfriend had become, a lifeless doll whose only purpose was to bring comfort and symbolize perfection. He was awfully quiet all the time, sometimes he didn’t move at all, just like a living corpse frozen in time… Pico gently smiled at the thought, maybe he did kill him after all.
His body was alive and breathing, but his soul had been decomposing for a while now.
Days became more peaceful after that, without anything interesting going on, as Pico won the game no one else but him knew how to play, or that’s what he thought.
One day, his phone rang, he had no idea whose number it was, yet he answered anyway, it could be a client at the end of the day. After he answered the call, Pico heard a familiar voice, it was Girlfriend, who found his phone number by going through her dad’s contacts.
Her voice was kind and sweet, just like Pico remembered and was jealous of.
They greeted each other, and without a second thought, Girlfriend went directly to the point.
“Boyfriend… He was found dead” She said, with the same soft voice, even when her words were full of pain and sadness, not even the bad quality of the audio could make it any less noticeable.
Pico just sighed, “I know…” he replied as he faked his own grief, trying to speak as tiredly as he could.
Then, Girlfriend took a deep breath, and finally revealed her true intentions.
“I know you were his best friend, and also… the last one to see him. My parents refuse to hold an investigation no matter how much I plead them, that’s why, I wanted your help.”
“My help?” Pico asked, confused, he wasn’t expecting her to come seeking help, especially with someone like him.
“Pico, you and Boyfriend were very close, and he trusted you more than anything, that’s why. I want to find the culprit and know who took him away from me. There were things left unsolved between me and Boyfriend… I want to avenge his death, I’m sure you want that too.”
Poor girl, unaware of the truth, and as if the devil tempted Pico again, that faint voice in his heart gave him an order. The final nail on the coffin of his afflictions, the thing he wished he had done since the start. Such devious desire played on his mind like a broken record, hearing that request over and over again.
If Girlfriend had moved on and accepted Boyfriend’s death, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
That’s right, he once swore to protect Boyfriend’s relationship along with his happiness, and right now, he was his partner, wasn’t he? His job is to get rid of anything that could threaten Boyfriend and his partner's safety, and now there was only one obstacle left, no one but Girlfriend herself. He isn’t going to break his promise, is he?
“I understand, what about the train station? I know it’s pretty late, but I hope we can meet there as soon as possible,” Pico suggested, with his usual smile as he pronounced those words.
Without suspecting a thing, Girlfriend agreed, today, they would see each other at the train station and discuss how to find the person who killed Boyfriend.
After speaking a while more and arranging the details, Pico finally hung up the phone. As he looked behind his back, he noticed Boyfriend sitting on the couch, mindlessly staring at nothing, like he had been doing lately.
Once more, Pico smiled, and told Boyfriend “I’ll be back soon,” without expecting an answer.
He walked towards the door, ready to leave and meet Girlfriend at the train station.
Ready to finish his last job as Boyfriend’s gun.