Chapter Text
Both Lucy and Kyouka saw Atsushi holding the phone with the photo of a half-naked lady. They looked at Atsushi then back at the message, and back at Atsushi, who now realized the gravity of the situation. Lucy and Kyouka's expressions darkened as they proceeded to step over Atsushi who looked mortified and extremely embarrassed. The boy fell to the floor. All color was gone from his face and he looked like a petrified baby tiger.
“How disappointing…” Kyouka said under her breath as she approached the other agency members and handed out some muffins. (Kenji hightailed to the kitchenette at this point to wash his hands before rejoining the rest of the group to have his fill of the muffins.)
Lucy also handed muffins and other treats to the staff, who thanked her.
“You know, Kyouka-chan, I know I’m only a few years older than you, but as your big sister, I have a piece of advice,” Lucy said. “And that is to not get involved with those types of boys, understand? They are the absolute worst!”
“Affirmative,” Kyouka replied.
When Lucy finished distributing the muffins, she took the other empty box from Kyouka. “Well, that’s a muffin for everyone…” Lucy said.
“What about me, Lucy?” Atsushi asked as he finally stood up.
“Oh, I can’t hear anything! All I can hear is blah blah blah I’m a disgusting pervert tiger kitty blah blah blah! Well, I’m off! I’m still needed at the cafe!” Lucy said and then left the agency office as fast as she could.
Atsushi looked at Kyouka who was trying to avoid his gaze. “Wait! Uhm, Kyouka-chan! You completely misunderstand what’s happening! This isn’t even my phone!”
“I’m going to the kitchenette if anyone needs me,” Kyouka announced. “I’m in the mood to sharpen the knives.” And with that, Kyouka left without another word. The rest of the agency members were now busy eating the muffins.
“I’m sorry, bro, women are tough,” Junichiro said as he patted Atsushi on the back. “But since you accidentally opened that message, Dazai will see that it has been opened by someone else. Those two check marks at the bottom mean it’s been opened before… So I suggest you just delete it.”
“Wait wait how do I do that?” Atsushi asked. Another unfortunate thing about Atsushi is that he only started using mobile phones when he started working at the agency. He mostly uses it for calls and messages. Kyouka even had to show him how to install a messenger app that they use for the agency’s group chat. Until now, he still couldn’t figure out how to use the messenger app.
“Do I press this? Or this?” Atsushi asked. “Oh no! Now I can see all of the messages!!!”
“Ooooh let us see!” Naomi chirped in. Even Kunikida took a peek.
They were now on the home screen of Dazai’s messenger app. The agency group chat was pinned at the top, followed by Kunikida’s chat thread.
“I’M ON MUTE?!” Kunikida started pulling out his own hair. He grabbed the phone from Atsushi and unmuted himself. “There!” He threw the phone back to Atsushi, who accidentally pressed on another thread.
The name of the contact was the letter O and the icon was just an unframed oil painting of the sky. There were several messages from the past few weeks that just consisted of “Come over?” from the side of the sender, with Dazai replying, “I'm coming over,” every now and then.
“Oooh! Must be one of Dazai-san’s lady friends!” Junichiro said. “I wonder what O means? An initial?”
“Well, my dear brother, I can think of an English word that starts with O…” Naomi said with a sly smile on her face.
“Not here, Naomi…”
Atsushi tried pressing other icons on the screen to exit the app but unfortunately, he opened another chat thread. This time, the contact was named “Slug” and the profile photo was of an expensive-looking wine in a Western-style restaurant. Atsushi thought that whoever took the photo must be really rich.
There was just one message from the sender, which was from a few months ago: “It’s me. Got your new number from the old man. I heard you are still in the hospital. Don’t you die bandage freak!!!!!!” to which Dazai replied by commenting a thumbs up on the message. In the next few months, there were several missed calls from the sender at odd hours during the night, and finally, an outgoing call from Dazai a few weeks ago. It lasted for twenty-two minutes.
“I wonder who it is…” Kenji said out loud. “Maybe Dazai knows a slug farmer!”
“I don’t think that’s the case… This sounds like a pet name…” Atsushi said. But then again, that’s not exactly a term of endearment you would use for a lady friend. Perhaps a younger brother? Does Dazai even have family? Atsushi realized he doesn’t know much about his mentor’s personal life. He started to feel secondhand embarrassment from looking through the messages. He clicked on an icon and he was finally back on the main page of the message app.
The rest of the message threads are just under the header of numbers which means Dazai hasn't saved these other people as a contact. Upon closer inspection of the profile icons, these are mostly from girls.
The previews showed the gist of the messages:
“I TOLD YOU TO ONLY HAVE EYES FOR ME!!!”
“Did you change your address? WRU?”
“Dazai-san, have I done something wrong?”
“Why won’t you pick up?!!?”
“I’m free again tonight if you’re game…”
There was another message preview that only had emojis of fruits and vegetables like peaches and eggplants.
“Maybe these are the discarded girls and the ones with letters or nicknames are part of his current roster, like, his favorites among all the women,” Junichiro supposed.
Kunikida suddenly grabbed the phone from Atsushi. “I think that’s enough of looking through the messages. These are getting too personal and very private.”
Kenji clapped his hands in awe. “Wow! Dazai-san has so many women friends who care for him! I think some of them also want to give him food! And then they play together too! It sounds so fun!!! I want to be just like him when I grow up!”
“No!!! I mean, Kenji, I don’t think it’s like that!” Atsushi said, a worried look on his face.
“He’s just too pure…” The Tanizaki siblings said at the same time.
Just then, the agency door opened once more. “Oh my… What do we have here?”
The agency’s resident doctor Yosano Akiko walked in and looked at the guilty faces of the rest of her colleagues. “If I heard correctly, you’re looking through Dazai’s phone. What naughty little boys and girls you are… If you have time to slack off like this, then perhaps I can try some new healing techniques on all of you…”
“Yosano-sensei! We just took a peek!!! We swear!!! And we were about to give it back!!!” Junichiro said hurriedly and in a very panicked tone. If there was someone in the agency who was under Yosano’s scalpel more times than one can count, it was Junichiro.
Yosano stifled a giggle as she stretched out her hand. “Give me the phone. I was only kidding! It’s not every day we get to know Dazai more! I’m really curious about his new mission too cause a few weeks ago, I had to… Well, never mind...”
Kunikida handed Yosano the phone. If it were up to him, he would already put it back on the table where they found it, but Kunikida could never ignore Yosano’s demands (which sound like threats most of the time).
“Now let’s look at photos!” Yosano started clicking on the screen. “Oh…” Her eyes widened as she showed the rest of the agency members the screen. “There’s only one in here…”
Yosano clicked on it and zoomed in. It was a photo of an actual printed photograph that looked several years old. Three people were in it. In the right corner was Dazai, donning a full black attire.
Judging from the outfit, Atsushi deduced that this photo was taken during his days in the mafia.
The one on the left was someone he also recognized. “That one is Ango from the Special Abilities Division, right?” Atsushi asked. “I didn’t know they were this close… And the one in the middle is…”
Kenji shrugged. Both Junichiro and Naomi shook their heads.
“I have a hunch…” Yosano said.
“I remember something, but I’m not too sure,” Atsushi said. “During our fight with the Decay of Angels, Ango-san told me that he helped erase Dazai-san’s criminal record to pay tribute to their friend who already died…”
Then Atsushi remembered something. Even before fighting the Decay of Angels, and shortly before the Shibusawa incident, he was asked to look for Dazai and bring him to a meeting. Atsushi found him in a cemetery. Dazai was seated against a lone tombstone on top of a small hill.
“It’s my friend… He was the reason I left Port Mafia and joined the Armed Detective Agency…”
The pieces are now starting to form a picture.
“So maybe this is that friend…” Atsushi said. “Once, I saw Dazai-san visiting a grave. And he… Well, he looked really sad… It was the first time I saw Dazai-san like that…”
Kunikida straightened his glasses. “That would make sense… Working in the mafia is extremely dangerous and it is not uncommon for mafiosos to die during their missions. They are treated like cannon fodder. No, even worse… So for his close friend to die…” Kunikida trailed off and looked lost in thought.
Yosano cleared her throat. “Aside from that, I heard that Ango also used to work for the Port Mafia but he was actually a double agent from the government from the start. Long story short, he betrayed his friends,” she added.
“The whole suicide thing makes sense now, doesn’t it?” Junichiro said. “I mean, he really wouldn’t attempt it if he wasn’t sad about anything… I mean, he keeps saying he is bored of life but those experiences did not help at all…”
“Do you think that’s Dazai-san’s injury? Like the bull’s?” Kenji asked. It was one of those rare moments when Kenji looked truly sad. It was highly infectious. “He is scared to get too close to anyone – didn’t you say that, Kunikida-san? So now he avoids getting close to us, in case we die or betray him too… But then, that just means… He feels more alone, now, more than ever…”
Everyone was silent for a while. They all started reflecting on how they interacted with Dazai in the past, in light of this tragic information. Naomi had to hold back some tears. Yosano handed the phone back to Atsushi. She felt triggered and clutched onto her butterfly clip, a habit she formed during her days in the military.
“That’s enough,” Kunikida said. “Let’s give the phone back to Dazai.”
Quietly, they proceeded to the guest reception area. Atsushi placed Dazai’s phone on the table and he locked it this time.
Dazai stirred from his sleep and yawned. He started blinking and stretched out his arms. “That was a nice nap…” he said sleepily. He sat up and realized that most of his colleagues were all staring at him.
“Hey, what’s up guys? I know I shouldn’t be sleeping but with this new mission, I can only sleep for a few hours every day!” He then smiled mischievously, as if remembering a pleasant but heavily guarded secret.
“I can’t tell you the details of the investigation but –” Dazai stopped mid-sentence when he realized that Kunikida wasn’t interrupting him. In fact, Kunikida had this weird look on his face. Like pity or something, Dazai thought. The rest of the agency members had similar expressions. They all looked like they were about to cry.
Dazai scratched his head in confusion. “What’s up with those faces, huh?”
Atsushi was the first to speak. “Dazai-san! We really value you as a member of the agency! And… we promise not to betray you or die easily!”
Dazai was stunned. “Atsushi-kun? What are you —"
Atsushi leaped onto Dazai and forced him into a hug. The rest of the agency members followed suit, and soon, they all collapsed onto the floor into one big group hug. Naomi, Kenji, and Atsushi cried. Junichiro tried very hard to hold back tears. Yosano sobbed silently and even Kunikida bit his trembling lower lip.
“Hey, hey, hey, what’s happening here? Who’s dying? And I’ve told you all many times! I’m only interested in the hugs of beautiful women!” Dazai was still confused and the hug made him uncomfortable. He tried his hardest to get out of it.
“Just shut up and hug us back!” Kunikida ordered.
Dazai smiled and indulged them all for a while. The agency members didn’t even notice their president, Fukuzawa Yukichi, walking in on them. Kyouka, who was back from the kitchenette, greeted the president.
“You don’t want to join them?” he asked.
“I can hold back,” Kyouka said. She then took out her phone, and stealthily, she snapped a photo of the group hugging Dazai.
***
When Dazai got back to his apartment later that night, he thought about what happened. He deduced that his colleagues went through his phone, which he accidentally left unlocked on the table before he took a nap. It was usually in his pocket, but earlier that day, his coat pocket got damaged. And frankly, he was just too tired to care.
Though he was mildly annoyed at the invasion of privacy, there wasn’t really anything incriminating or embarrassing in his phone, save for one or two message threads that he couldn’t help keeping. Was he getting too sentimental? He used this phone to communicate mostly for missions. Incriminating messages were promptly deleted. He also would not use chat apps for any sensitive communication regarding a mission. All important numbers were stored in his head… Well, except for his regular contacts like the agency members, important government officials, and even…
Dazai shuddered at the thought of his colleagues figuring out what some of the initials or the nicknames meant. It was nothing they could have fully deduced, right?
Aside from that, there were messages from all sorts of women. But if they saw something they shouldn’t see, that’s their fault, isn’t it? That’s what you get from going through someone’s private messages. And surely Kunikida would have had enough sense to stop them from going that far.
Suddenly, his phone buzzed. An alarm went off – a reminder to have dinner.
“That Kunikida!!!” He cursed as he headed towards the mini-fridge. He took out a bowl of store-bought ramen. He heated it in an old pot and proceeded to have dinner once it was ready.
He scrolled through his phone while finishing his bowl of seafood ramen. What else could they have been looking at? The scores of his mobile games? The only other place was the photo app. But that just contains an old picture of him, Ango, and Odasaku. They wouldn’t know the history behind it even if they did see it. It’s also no secret that he and Ango also used to be close.
“Maybe Yosano told them about what happened a few weeks ago for that solo mission…” he muttered to himself. Normally, his nullifying ability would cancel out Yosano’s healing ability but in extreme cases like what happened in Standard Island, it can work. And dealing with a beautiful, seductive, albeit dangerous ability user who is also an international assassin affiliated with the Port Mafia definitely counts as an extreme case. The fact that he is still working on this case and only him, with his nullifying ability, can safely deal with the user, is the reason why he was constantly tired lately. It would make sense why the group was suddenly emotional if Yosano told them about it.
Dazai never liked hugging (unless it’s actually cuddling in bed with a beautiful woman) but a while ago wasn’t so bad. This may be the sleep deprivation talking, he thought. Or maybe the agency was finally growing on him…
Just then, he received a message notification from the group chat. Kyouka sent a photo, a stolen shot, of the group hugging Dazai.
“I’m glad I wasn’t there for this embarrassing photo,” Ranpo replied.
“Kyouka! Remove this photo at once! You did not ask my permission before taking it!” Kunikida typed.
“And you also did not ask for my permission to set up alarms and go through my phone, Kunikida-kun~” Dazai replied.
“We’re sorry, Dazai-san!!! We didn’t see much!!! But it’s a nice group photo, right? - Atsushi.” The message was sent under Kyouka’s name. The president gave this message a thumbs up.
Kenji replied with an emoji of a smiling cow… or is that a bull? The rest apologized to Dazai.
At first, Dazai was dumbfounded and then he couldn’t help laughing. He stared at the photo again. He sighed, hesitated for a brief moment, and hit “Save”.