Chapter Text
Eris,
Here’s your pen. I’m giving this to you not because I think I owe you, but because I know you’ll whine about it!
A
PS: It’s a black pen with black ink to spite you!
✨🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂✨
Eris,
Are you dead?
A
✨🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂✨
My darling Azriel,
Buy me dinner before asking such personal questions.
Yours (not dead yet)
Eris Vanserra
Heir to the throne and general to the autumn court armies.
✨🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂✨
Eris!
A
✨🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂✨
Eris,
Did you drop dead between your last letter and now?
A
✨🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂✨
Eris,
It’s been three days!
A
✨🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂✨
Eris,
I’m going to be really mad at you if you make me come all the way to autumn and find you not dead.
A
✨🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂✨
Eris,
You’re supposedly alive (Rhys said so!) Get your head out of your ass and reply!
A
✨🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂✨
Eris,
Are you mad at me? Is that why you’re not replying?
A
✨🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂✨
My sweetest shadowsinger,
My sincerest apologies. It was not my intention to ghost you; I’m being tormented by horrors beyond your wildest comprehension. What is it that I can do for you?
Yours (not angry)
Eris Vanserra
Heir to the throne and general to the autumn court armies.
✨🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂✨
“I thought I told you not to show up here unless you were ready to profess your love to me.” He huffs without turning to look at me.
I shadowwalked to the ends of the autumn court and flew to the cliff where the heir was lounging with his legs dangling off the cliff edge.
I sit next to him with my legs folded to my chest and reply casually, “We are not in your bedchambers or forest house. We are not even in autumn right now considering that autumn ended back at the forest line.”
“You want to get out of this based on technicality?” Without looking at me.
I shrug, and he chuckles.
“Why are you here?” He asks me.
“What else did you expect me to do when you write shit like, ‘tormented by horrors beyond your wildest comprehension.’?”
He laughs with his eyes closed to the night sky and says, “Apologies. I was just being dramatic about it. Didn’t think you’d come to find me.”
I ‘hmm’ in response and bump my shoulder to his.
“You look tired,” I say softly.
Not a question but a statement. He really does look tired. His usual regal demeanor was replaced by slumped shoulders, and the usual sparkle was dimmed by fatigue.
I turn my head to watch as he collapses to the ground on his back and replies, “I’m exhausted!” in a whisper with his eyes still closed.
I rest my head on my bent knees and wonder how heavy the head must be that wears the crown and how much violence it took for him to be this kind. I realize it’ll break my heart if I keep following this line of thinking, so I tuck my wings closer and fall back as my shadows protect them from hard ground and sleep next to him.
“I know you are exhausted... Don’t give up. Keep going; just don’t give up,” I whisper, extending my hand for him to hold.
He holds on to my hand like a lifeline and squeezes it once, and replies, “Kimi ga ireba nandemo dekiru ki ga suru. Tsurakutemo. Tsukaretemo. Kimi ga soba ni iru kagiri, ore wa akiramenai.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means shut up.”
“That’s a lot of words to say shut up!”
“Azriel!”
“Yes, Eris?”
“Shut up!”
I chuckle, and we don’t speak for the rest of the night, but I don’t leave him to fight his demons alone either. Come morning, I wake up when I feel his intense gaze on me from where he’s sitting next to me; We look at each other for a moment before he leans down and kisses me on my forehead before winnowing out.
I blame my pure-hearted mate for the new soft corner I have for the heir of autumn, and I blame the heir for how uncomfortable I feel about leaving him in his toxic home!
I winnow home with a heavy heart, knowing all this would have been so much easier if the heir was really an asshole!
✨🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂✨
I cock my head to the side in confusion when my shadows start showing a glimpse of the heir of fire riding atop his horse even before the sun has fully risen, following his twelve hounds, who winnow around him in a whirlwind of fire and smoke.
I sip my coffee and watch as the heir throws his head back and enjoys the wind sweeping his fiery hair off his face with his eyes closed. He looks peaceful. I was going to enjoy my first cup of coffee of the day with the view of the sun rising over Velaris, but I can’t say I complain about this view either. I know my shadows are not showing this to me to make my day, so I pay attention. But after a minute, when I fail to see any issue or reason as to why, I decide to ask them.
‘It’s too early in the morning for your obsession with that brat, don’t you think?’ I ask my shadows, who swirl around me in agitation.
‘There’s a strange ancient magic in the air. Ominous and with malicious intent.’
I stiffen.
‘Do you see anything? Is the target heir or autumn? Clue me in’
‘Not sure. You see what we see. It’s-‘
They cut themselves off, and the hair on my back stands up when a group of soldiers winnows two miles out in the same direction Eris is galloping in on his horse.
FUCK!
I freeze; my breathing accelerates; pure terror claws at my throat.
I flinch when my cup slips off my hand and shatters, bringing me out of my reverie. I clenched my hands tightly in a futile attempt to quell my agitation, but my arms continued to shake uncontrollably.
‘Make him go back home! Right now!’ I command my shadows, and they darken and solidify in and around the heir.
‘Hello, my swirling pests! What are you doing here so early?’ He coos to them, and they try to tug on his arms to turn him around. He laughs and pets them lovingly.
‘What’s wrong? Where are you-‘ His smile vanishes when he notices the group of men close by.
Nonononono!
‘Get him out of there’ I bellow at my shadows as I prepare to winnow to his location.
Eris gallops faster towards his men and whistles for his hounds to appear. I relax a little—he has backup! They bark at him, and he shouts,
“Go home! Right. Now.” He commands.
What tHE FUCK!
He’s not that screwed in the head, is he? He is not about to approach the men under the crown’s influence alone and without backup, is he?
His hounds bark in disapproval but ultimately obey his command.
Fuccccck!
Before my shadows could winnow him out, he leaps off his horse in front of his men, and everything after happens too fast for them to stop it. I’m half a second away from where he is when his men knock him out as soon as his feet touch the ground. I’m a quarter-second away when they winnow him out, leaving me and all my shadows behind.
My bones feel like jelly, and my legs give out as soon as they land on autumn soil. My breathing accelerates, pure terror clawing at my throat.
I let out a gut-wrenching sob, and my heart trembled at the recognition of agony in my soul.
Not again!
I try to force my body to move, but my limbs are unresponsive. Rooted in place, I feel my stomach twist, my hands flying to clutch my chest. My skin tingled, and my heart rapidly beat within my chest as my breathing grew tighter. All life drained from my face when I realize that even though the lights were on, there was nobody home.
I know whatever I’m realizing is very important, but my panic-addled mind feels like a crowded room with too many voices clamoring for attention, leaving me unable to focus on any one thought. The puzzle pieces of understanding lay scattered before me, but no matter how I tried, they refused to fit together.
This is not important right now. I need to figure out how to help him. I need to get him back to safety. I need a plan and set rules.
I send my shadows to figure out where the queen took him while I winnow home to find my brothers.
✨🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂✨
I fly the unconscious heir till the spring borders and then winnow directly to the hewn city. I tighten my hold on the male despite the sheer relief coursing through my body.
I was so numb for the last seven days that I don’t recall most of it. I hold his chest closer to mine, where I can feel his steady heartbeat against my own.
“You’re safe!” I mumble to him even though he can’t hear me and repeat it over and over until it sinks in for me that he really is safe and with me. Alive. And safe. With me.
As I lay the heir gently on my bed in the hewn city and sit in a chair next to his bed, the tension finally eases. I brush the hair off his face, and something seems to settle back within me. Something deep, something broken.
Now that he is finally here and safe, my mind wanders back to everything that has occurred since my coffee cup shattered.
I watch the heir as my shadows nestle in the corners of the room, a patient listeners to the echoes of my memories.
I jolt when I realize my mind and soul screamed ‘not again’ back when he was taken.
Not again?
Then it clicks in place.
I hold my breath and tug on the bond. I tug hard enough to physically jolt the unconscious male. And I gasp.
How foolish and pathetic can a fae over five centuries be?
How hate-tinted were my eyes to not recognize it sooner? Recognize HIM sooner?
I close my mouth with both my hands to stop my sobs from making guttural noises. I cry and laugh at the same time, looking down at my mate.
My mate!
ERIS VANSERRA is my mate!
Eris Vanserra is MY MATE!
ERIS VANSERRA is MY MATE!
Eris Vanserra is my mate!
I muffle my laughter and wipe my tears with the back of my hand when I see him stir.
He slowly opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling for a few seconds. He jolts upright when he recognizes where he is. I sit next to him on the bed and pull him into a hug when he starts hyperventilating and his entire body shudders. I rub his back in a soothing motion and reassure him that he’s safe. That he’s with me. And that he got out.
He buries his face into the crook of my neck and shoulder and sobs until his shivers subside. I hold the back of his neck and pull him closer.
“What the fuck happened?” He whispers into my skin.
I tighten my hold on him and reply, “Briallyn took you, and I got you back.”
“Briallyn? You... got me back?” He mumbles into my neck and lifts his head and asks, “You... came for me?”
I nod, and he holds me at arm's length by both my elbows and checks me for any injuries frantically.
“Stop! I’m not hurt!”
When he doesn’t seem to be listening, I cup his face and lift it to meet my gaze and assure him, “I’m not hurt, Eris!”
When the frantic look doesn’t subside, I lean my forehead against his, hold the back of his neck, and whisper, “I’m not hurt, Eris! I promise!”
He nods and tries to get a deep breath in.
“Briallyn took me?” He mumbles again and then flinches, “M-my men!”
He looks at me with wide eyes and stammers, “Az, s-she still has my m-men under her control.”
“I know. I promise, we’ll get them back. I need you to relax for a bit before we go after them. You’ve been gone for some time now, so just relax.”
His already pale face blanches some more, and he asks, panic evident in his tone, “How long was I gone?”
“Just a week,” I say curtly.
“A week?” He gasps out, “M-my court! Azriel, my pe-people!”
I let my frustration get the better of me and grit out, “Your men are not dead, and I’m very sure we would have heard something if your father had burned your court to the ground, Eris! Everyone else is fine! I am fine. Your men are fine. And your court is fine too. Can you derail that one-track fucking mind of yours for two seconds and focus on the fact that you were kidnapped and held hostage? That you are the one that’s not okay!?”
He turns away from me, a pained expression plastered across his face, teeth clenched as he tries to steady his breathing.
I pull him back into a hug and apologize, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry I raised my voice! But can you please stop worrying about others for just a moment and take care of yourself?”
He slumps against me, all the fight leaving his body, and holds on to me.
“I need to go, Azriel!” He whispers into my hair, and I tighten my hold on him.
“I am not fucking-“
A famine voice calling me from outside the room cuts me off, and I stiffen.
“AZRIEL!”
“What is it, Mor?”
“Thank gods you’re here! I’d been looking for you everywhere. We need you! Open the door. Let's go!”
“Not right now!” I shout back.
“Azriel, it’s Feyre! She went into labor, and it’s not looking good! We need to GO!”
Damn it!
“Go!” My mate gently pushes me off him and motions to the door.
“Just stay here till I get back. Please!”
“Go, Azriel!”
I bend down and hurriedly kiss his forehead, and walk towards the door.
“Thank you for everything, Azriel!” He says when I’m at the door.
“Just stay here!” I reply and open the door just enough to slip out without letting mor see him.
My heart sinks through my feet, and dread fills my lungs when I come back to find my room empty and my mate gone!
‘Take me to him!’ I command my shadows, who refuse,
‘Let our mate deal with autumn! Let’s go find his missing soldiers instead!’
‘I need to make sure he’s alright!’ I growl.
‘You going in there hot and trying to kill the high lord without a proper plan would put our mate in more danger than he already is in. Give him time. Let him deal with his father. Let’s go be of some use to our mate instead!’
I hate it! I hate it when they make more sense than me, but I go with their plan just so my mate doesn’t have to!
✨🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂✨
After the epic let-Nesta-seduce-Eris fail and whatever Cassian did to piss Eris off, Rhys went into damage control mode and had this beautiful little idea of inviting Eris for supper in Velaris.
I fly him to the mountain surrounding Velaris and place him atop the mountain gently, and hold on to him until he gains his balance. He sits, dangling his feet off the cliff, and I pull my knees to my chest and fold my hands on my bent knees to rest my chin on them. We couldn't talk much on our flight from Autumn to Velaris because my mate fell asleep in my arms half a second after we took to the skies. And if I took a long flight home for no reason, nobody needs to know that.
We sit in comfortable silence as I watch him watch the night sky and city of starlight come to life.
“The night sky here is different from Hewn City, isn’t it?” He asks softly, his eyes still on the night sky.
I glance at the sky before going back to studying my mate's face and reply, “Maybe. I never stayed long enough in that wretched place. Even when I did, I never watched the skies.”
“I’ll have you remember that even though you and your ilk like to pretend that Hewn City is not part of your responsibilities, it is!”
“I don’t want to talk about the hewn city or politics with you right now, Eris! I’m sure we’ll do that to your heart’s content later during dinner.”
“What do you want to talk about?” He asks
“Anything but that! How do you like my home so far?”
He looks down at the hustle and bustle of the city below and nods. “It’s alright!”
“Alright? That’s all you have to say?”
“I mean, it’s gorgeous, but nothing beats autumn forests! And that’s the hill I’m willing to die on.”
I laugh and say, “I’ll give you that; autumn forests ARE beautiful!”
“Are you agreeing with me!?” He asks, shocked.
“I’m just saying! I wouldn’t mind living in either Velaris or Autumn. I know you would choose autumn, and I get the choice, is all.”
He watched me with a frown and pouty lips downturned as I rested my cheek on my palm and continued watching him with a small smile playing on my lips.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks,
“How am I looking at you?”
“Like you’re either happy in my company or you’re planning something mischievous and petty. I don’t trust you to be capable of the former, so it has to be the latter!”
I throw my head back and laugh.
"Oh, hell no! You’re going to pull something petty, aren’t you?” he exclaims
I continue laughing at how adorable he looks, “I’m not going to hurt you, Eris!”
“I didn’t say you’d hurt me! You can’t hurt me, even if you want to! I said you’d do something petty… like...”
“Push you off this cliff?” I say, ironically.
He narrows his eyes at me and replies haughtily, “If you do that, I’ll winnow up back here midway through and push you off.”
“Oh, I trust you to do that!” I say, chuckling.
He rolls his eyes but ends up chuckling too.
“How late are we to the dinner?” He asks me, and I reply, “If we leave now, we’ll be on time.”
“Good. We’ll leave after twenty minutes!”
I laugh and exclaim, “Brat!”
“Knowing your family, it’s going to be a long night! I just wanted some peace before enduring it. Do you blame me?”
“Nope!”
We smile at each other and enjoy the quiet company of each other till twenty minutes mark, then I fly us to the house of wind.
I don’t think I realized how much he let me see the real him, as himself and as my mate, that it manages to surprise me when he dawns his mask and swaggers into the house.
I chuckle, and he winks at me before we walk into the dining room.
“Thank you, Eris, for joining us for dinner. Welcome to our home.” Rhys invites us in.
Rhys was seated at the head of the table, and to his right sat Amren Cassian, and Nesta took the last seat. To his left, two seats were open for Eris and me, followed by Elaine and Mor.
I walk ahead and pull out the chair next to Rhys for Eris to take. I ignore my family’s gawking and wait patiently till he’s seated and sit next to him.
“Thank you,” he whispers, and I nod.
Rhys snaps out of it quickly and calls for food, and everyone gets busy gossiping and serving themselves food.
Because my mate can’t sit still, even for a second, and not at all because he’s nervous, he keeps tipping his chair to balance off its hind legs. I pull him back down once, and then a second time when I serve him his tea. He pours me my black coffee in return, and I add two cubes of sugar to it.
“Did you just add sugar to that? I didn’t think you’re the kind to add sugar to your drink!” He asks with furrowed brows.
“I started adding sugar to my coffee recently.” I answer him honestly and get a cute, confused look in return.
He tips and balances his goddamn chair on its hind legs again, and I pull him back down.
“Stop doing that! I’m not above laughing and not helping you if you fall on your ass.”
He chuckles and says, “Focus on what’s important, and let me be!”
I curtly reply, “I am!”
His eyes widen, but whatever he is about to say is cut short when Rhys speaks.
“Now that we are all here, we can finally get this over and done with,” Rhys spoke with the quiet authority of a high lord, serious and straight to the point.
When Eris nods, Rhys continues, “As you all know, Briallyn and her treason have been rightfully taken care of. Koschei still remains in play, trapped on the continent. What is your father’s status?”
“What is the beast of spring’s status?” Eris retorts, and I roll my eyes at both of their antics.
“Well, you’ll have to ask my emissary about that. He knows more about his condition than me.” Rhys smirks slyly at the claim he has on my mate’s brother, and Elaine shifts uncomfortably next to me.
The thing about my mate is that he’ll hit you where it hurts when you attack him, and he never misses his mark.
“Maybe I’ll ask your high lady. It was a hard labor, I hear. How are she and your heir doing?”
I knew he hit his mark when I felt the stillness in the room and the rumbling of the dark power of the High Lord of the Night. My shadows double down on the shield my mate has on himself to protect him. It is not Rhys who speaks first but Cassian.
“You should be careful how you speak about my high lady, you coward son of a bitch.”
I let out a growl at the same time Rhys says,
“I’ll kill you if you bring up my mate again!”
I hear Eris chuckle, and KNOW he’s going to say something that’ll end this dinner in bloodshed, so I calmly address Cassian first, then Rhys.
“First of all, if you ever use that tone to speak to him or about him ever again, I’ll snip your tongue out and feed it to you!” I warned Cassian.
You could hear a pin drop after I said that and smell the fear and confusion in the air, but I continued.
“And second of all, if you ever threaten him like that again, I’ll kill you, consequences be damned!” I say to Rhys.
I turn to look at my mate when he chokes and laughs hysterically.
“That did sound like I was joking, didn’t it?” I say, looking at my mate before turning back to Rhys and say, “I will kill you if you ever threaten my mate again. And I know a hundred and ten professional ways to do it without leaving any trace.”
Eris, who had his chair balancing on its hind legs again, fumbles and falls on his back.
“Mother above! Eris!” I get out of my chair and crouch next to him.
He squeezes his eyes shut tighter, like he’s trying to process what I just called him, or like if he tries hard enough, it would change reality.
When me calling his names twice doesn’t do the trick, I tug on the bond, which makes him gasp and his eyes fly open.
“Up! Get up!” I stand and extend my hand.
“Up you go,” I say as I pull him up when he puts his hand in mine.
He looks at me with dazed, wide eyes, and I raise an eyebrow in question. I had no intention of putting him in this position, surrounded by my family, no less. I wanted to give him time and space about when he wanted to reveal himself to me, but it is what it is.
“Fireheart!” I whisper for only him to hear.
“Hungry!” He shouts suddenly and randomly.
I frown and point to the table filled with food. “Okay!? Would you like to sit down and eat?”
“Not me! My hounds! I forgot to feed my hounds!” He says this as he frantically makes his way to the exit.
“Eris!” I call, and he turns at the exit and adds, “Thank you for inviting me. We’ll have this dinner another time.”
When he nods and walks out, I send a hoard of my shadows after him to winnow him home safely, just so he won’t leap off the balcony.
I turn towards Rhys and say, “I’m going to go check on him and make sure he won’t spiral himself sick. You let me know when it’s safe to come back.”
“You’re always safe here, brother. You can come back anytime!” He says it indignantly.
“I meant safe for the rest of you. From me. I’m giving you time to deal with all this however you all want because if you say anything nasty about my mate to me or where I can hear you, I’ll kill you.” I say, making my way toward the balcony.
“I’ll give you one percent leeway, though,” I add to Mor.
The last thing I hear before winnowing out is Mor saying, “I want ten percent!”
My shadows bring me to my mate’s bedchamber, where he’s busy mumbling and pacing back and forth with a bottle of liquor in hand.
I lean against the windowsill and call from behind him, “You’ll ruin the rug if you keep pacing like that, Eris. I know you’ll hate that in the morning.”
He whirls around with wide eyes and pulls on his magic to winnow out.
“Oh no, you won’t!” I say and hold on to his hand, and pull him closer to me.
“Let. Go. Of. Me.” He struggles.
I loosen my grip and plead, “Can you please stop? Just talk to me!”
“NO! LET GO OF ME!” He shouts, and I let his hand go and apologize.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry!”
He stares at me, his hand stay still midair where I let go and his eyes tear up.
“You didn’t… go away!” He mumbles.
“Is that what you want?” I whisper back.
“Fuck no! But I-“
He violently wipes away the tears that roll down his cheeks.
“It’s okay if you need space to sort this out on your own, my heart. I’ll go if that’s what you need right now. Tug on the bond when you’re ready to talk this out. But I need you to know that I’m here for you.” I say and call my shadows to winnow out.
“No!” He panics and hides his face with the palm of his hands, “I’m sorry. Don’t go!”
My shadows leave my side as though commanded, and coming from my mate, it might as well be a command.
I gently tug on his wrists to let me see his face and ask softly, “What is it that you want, my fireheart?”
He steps closer and pulls him into a light hug. When his entire body sags against me in defeat, I pull him closer and hold on tighter.
“I got you! You’re safe with me, my heart!” I whisper into his hair.
“Don’t! Don’t you fucking do that!”
“Do what, baby?”
He pushes himself off of me but still holds on to the edge of my shirt in a white-knuckled grip, “Don’t move like… like this! Don’t say things like this! You’re starting a wildfire in my heart; don’t do it when you don’t mean it! I’m going to take it the wrong way and start to think you love me back!”
I gently cup his cheeks and wipe a tear away with my thumb, and whisper softly, “Maybe that’s exactly what I’m trying to do! You’re not taking it the wrong way… I do love you. Not just the loving side of my mate you showed me, but the lovely shades of darkness, melancholy, and rage of the heir of autumn too. I love your joy, your sadness, your pain, your pride, and your ruthlessness and loneliness too. I love you, and I’m in love with every single face you’ve ever shown me and even the ones you hide. And I am sorry, Eris! I’m so sorry I made you feel like you had to hide yourself from me. I am sorry, my fireheart. I'm sorry I wasn’t the comfort or safety net I was meant to be. I’ll spend the rest of my life making up to you if you’ll let me. I’ll bow and worship the fucking ground you walk on to show you how much I love you if you’ll let me. And if you decide you want me gone, I will be gone. But I’ll put a hella lot of fight before I do. I’ll do anything for you and be anything you need me to be, baby. Please tell me how to make it up to you!”
“Stop! Please.” He whispers and hides his tear-soaked face on my shoulder, and I pull him closer.
“It’s not you! It is not on you. I did this to us. I don’t understand why you are not angry. I lied and hid for centuries! Why aren’t you mad at me? I hurt you. Why are you confessing love instead of demanding requital?”
I chuckle and reply cheekily, "Well, you’re the one who told me not to come here unless I figure out how to genuinely hate you or how I’ll confess my love to you. And like you stated before, I don’t hate you; I never did; I just loved this version of you wrong. I’m here because I got it right this time!”
He slightly lifts his head off my shoulder and glares at me with one eye, making me chuckle again.
“This is not funny!”
“It’s a little funny but also true, my heart. I know we have a long, and I mean LONG, way to go before we’ll get along. We will have our ups and downs, but at the end of the day, it’ll still be us, and we’ll make sure of it. We’ll fight for us, won’t we?” I ask him.
“I-I need some time.” He mumbles and tries to get away, but I hold him back. “I need to make it safe for you.”
“No, you don’t. We will! How it was always supposed to be and how it will be from now on. You’re not alone in this! Mother knows I failed you long enough! I’ll help you-“
“NO!” He pushes himself off me and steps back.
“This is my fight. I’ll take care of it. I don’t want you anywhere near this.”
“This might be your fight, my love, but you’re my fight! I’m not backing down, and I will not back out. You fight, and I fight with you. You burn, and I burn with you. And when you die, I’ll fucking die with you! This was your rule, your promise, not mine. Don’t break it now. I won’t let you!”
“Az-“
“No, Eris! I’m not budging from this.”
“You don’t understand! I’m not a coward! He really-“
“I never said that! I never even insinuated that, Eris! Your father is the oldest high lord ruling and the longest any high lord has ever ruled over their court. I’m not discarding your fears or belittling you. All I’m saying is that you’re not dealing with him alone.”
“I don’t want to lose you!”
“Yeah, well, tough cookie, neither do I!”
When we reach this stalemate, I extend my hand for him to take and wait patiently.
He stares at the ceiling as if he’s praying for whatever it is he prays for and reluctantly takes my hand in his. I pull him to my chest and smile widely.
“Now that that’s out of the way, hello, my fireheart.” He lets out a noise that’s stuck between a laugh and a sob and shakes his head. “Hello, lover of my soul.”
“Hi, my night.”
“I’m glad to finally meet you!”
“I’m sorry you had to wait.”
“I would complain about it, but I would’ve waited centuries more for you! And it would all have been worth it!”
He laughs through his tears and asks me softly, “Kiss me, my mate!”
“Gods, Yes!” I say and lean down and kiss him.
What starts as a gentle kiss turns frantic and into the fight of our lives. This push and pull that lasted a century and a half comes to a halt when our lips meet.
“Is it okay if we take this someplace else?” He asks breathlessly.
I nod and say, “Lead the way, my heart!”
We winnow out in a whirlwind of wildfire and laughter.
Once we land in his bedroom in a cabin near Aspen, I grab a fist full of his silken hair and pull his mouth towards mine. Our kiss became one of pure need and possession. I waited for more than a century and a half for this. For him. I plan on enjoying every morsel of him.
I nip at my mate’s lower lip. “Gods, fireheart, your fucking mouth.”
Eris pulls away, breathless, eyes ablaze like molten golden ore, pleading and begging for… something.
“Tell me what you need!” I tuck a strand of his hair behind his pointy ear and caress his ear and jaw.
“I… I need to be in control. I need to know you’re really here and that you’re not the result of me losing my mind.”
“I’m not a hallucination, my heart!”
“You’re a fucking pipe dream.”
“I’m real, Eris. I’m here, and I’m yours.” I say as I squeeze him closer, lightly kissing up his ear and nosing at the sensitive pointed tip.
Eris pulls my arms as tight as he can around himself and lays his head in the crook of my neck. “Don’t leave me. Please. I can’t go back to how we used to treat each other. I can't even get myself to pretend to be okay with you hating me anymore. It will end me. Promise me. Tell me that this is it. That this is the start of our forever… ”
He trails off, and I can see the tears forming in my mate's eyes. His pain is so raw. I'm not sure what memories had forced to the surface for Eris to show such hurt. I know exactly how ugly we've been over the centuries to each other. I also know I was the one who started most of it. No, not most, almost all of it.
Turning Eris in my arms enough to look into his amber eyes, I speak my promise into Eris’s soul. “I love you, Eris. As much as you think it would end you, it would end me faster. I already almost lost you twice and waited long enough. I don’t think either of us can handle it any longer. I promise we won't have to.” I seal my promise with a punishingly deep kiss.
I tugged on his tightly coiled braid and let his hair free. When my mate turns to face me, he unwittingly drags his silken hair over my wings, making me throw my head back and moan, “You like that, don’t you?” Eris says with a smile, “What does it feel like?”
“Usually every touch feels like a thousand delicate kisses, but just now it felt like delicious redemption,” I say and kiss him, unrestrained and exploring.
Within moments, it’s becoming too much for both of us. The need to touch, taste and feel each other is pulling on the bond, and it’s getting impatient, waiting to be satiated.
Between the whispers of “I’m yours,” “You’re mine,” and “I love you,” we strip each other naked.
I turn him and pull his back to lean against my chest. I lick and bite his shoulder. “Eris?” I whisper my question into his shoulder when I see the glamor on his back.
He rests his head on my shoulder and the crook of my neck and says, “It’s not pretty... I don’t-“
“You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, my heart. But for what it’s worth, I don’t want to be a stranger to any part of you. I just hope someday you’ll feel safe enough with me to let me see all of you. Even the parts you’re not fond of.”
He shudders out a breath and closes his eyes before dropping the glamour.
“Are you sure? You don’t have to show me.” I hesitate, swallowing down my anticipation.
He places a soft kiss on the side of my neck and says, “You can look at it.”
Reaching out a shaking hand, I sweep Eris’s hair over his shoulder. It steals my breath away to see all of it.
I shudder. Something breaks in me, and at the same time, pride and respect swell in my heart watching my mate show me his pain.
I study the exquisite, hatefully loving savage scars carved, seared, and dug into Eris’s skin. hundreds of thin, wavy flames that have been flayed into my mate. Thousands of cuts, flawless in their intricacy, are sliced over and over with precision knife cuts. It would’ve taken centuries for Beron to torture all of it onto Eris’s body.
I only know from my own experience with delivering prolonged torture that this was beyond anything I had seen anyone survive. To have it done once should have destroyed my mate. It would have taken thousands of sessions of carving, searing, and flaying the same lines over and over again for it to scar permanently. How my fireheart endured it is incomprehensible.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s ugly,“ he says, covering it all up once more, but I cut him off.
“Don’t! Don’t hide from me. There is nothing to be ashamed of or sorry about. This is a beautiful part of you. Every single scar, cut cans flayed skin shows your strength. They turned you into an exquisite masterpiece. I don’t know it took from you to be able to withstand receiving it, someday if you want to talk about it, I’m here! I love every inch of you—body, mind, and soul. Please, let me show how proud of you I am. How much I love all of you.”
I bring his body in tight against mine and grind my leaking cock against his ass. I take an arm and capture Eris’s wrists in an iron-tight grip. Eris sucks in a breath and grinds back into my raging hard-on.
“Mother above. I love you.” I mumble Burying my head in between Eris’s shoulders, my grinding became desperate. “I want... I need you…”
“What do you need from me?” Eris is pressing in tighter, more demanding.
“Eris, I want...” Trailing off, still not able to get the words out. My cock aching for more with every rub. As much as I want to take control, that’s not what my mate needs right now.
“What do you want, Azriel?" Eris purrs, “Tell me, and I will give it to you. Anything. Everything.”
“I want you to fuck me.” I get out shakily. Eris draws in a carnal breath and tips his head back onto my shoulder. Arching his back, he gives me a full view of his own fully aroused and waiting cock. “Fuck me the way I know you want to. Take what you want. Wreck me. pleasure and pain. Anything. Everything. Please.” I bite and suck into Eris’s neck. Digging my fingertips in, I squeeze the hip bones, causing a wince from the pain in Eris’s breath.
Eris wraps an arm around me and grabs the hair on the back of my head, willing me to keep biting and sucking his neck. “Are you sure!?“
“I need you to own me completely.” Licking up Eris’s ear, I whisper, “It’s not a want anymore; it’s a need. I need all of you. All that you can give me and all I can give you.” I rub a fingertip over Eris’s lips and beg. “Please.”
“Show me how you want it.” Eris murmurs breathlessly, untangling himself, with his hard cock already in his hand.
Azriel slides off Eris, positioning himself in the middle of Eris’ bed on his knees. He brings his wings up, then lifts them out as long and as far as they stretch to either side of the bed and flips them open so Eris can see every detail. His shadows lay across the tops, spilling down in smokey tendrils.
The visual of my spread-out wings and shadow in the faelight should be stunning. Far beyond trust, this was an offering. Letting myself be at my most vulnerable, giving myself over to my mates will. I put my forehead on the pillow between my hands, spread my knees wider, and curled my ass up and open, exposed to his soul and waiting.
Breath catches in Eris’s throat. “You are a born masterpiece, my night, so beautiful.” He kneads his fingers into my muscled ass cheeks. “If it’s too much and you want it to stop...” Eris leans down, licking a hot stroke over my hole, making me arch my ass higher in the air with a lush moan. “Use your safe word. Do you have one ready, baby?”
“Cassian!”
“You’re not shouting another male's name in my bed, Shadowsinger, no matter how effective that might be!” He says this, slapping my ass. Hard. I laugh and moan.
He repeats his question, and I nod yes. “Velvet. Velvet is my safe word.” Eris licks another hot stroke, this time between my wings. His hair fell forward, brushing the wings with a thousand silken kisses. “Velvet… I’ll stop if you say it. Tell me clearly one more time what you want and need, and look at me while you say it, so I’m sure.”
Eris is right behind me now, not touching me but waiting. I come up on my forearms and look over my shoulder into those flaming amber eyes. “I want you to fuck me the way you know I need. Light me up from the inside out. Give me everything you’ve denied us over the centuries. All of you. Pour it into me, feed me—that’s what I want. What I need, mate!”
Eris says nothing but slots his thighs in behind mine. He reaches back and grabs a bottle of lube, and sets it close. Leaning over my back, he rubs his chin in between my wings and covers my hands with his. Whispering in my ear, “Tell me your safe word again.”
"Velvet,” I shudder out.
“Good. Don’t forget it.”
✨🍂🍁🍂🍁🍂✨