Chapter Text
Have you ever gotten stuck in a sand pit?
It’s the worst.
Because as strong as you are, as hard as you try, it’s never quite good enough. You dig your feet in and push yourself higher, higher…but all that sand just slides under you until you’re at the bottom again, half buried and exhausted from climbing just a few feet.
When my family died I didn’t even try to climb out of the pit, I just sat at the bottom and made peace with the fact that this was my life now. At the bottom of this pit. I’d stay here and maybe it wouldn’t be so bad eventually. I mean, it wasn’t any fun and the sand was itchy and got everywhere, but hey. I lived in a sand pit now. Okay.
Bucky breaking into my house was like someone forcibly grabbing my arm and dragging me almost all of the way out of the pit. I wasn’t over the lip but I was close enough to see the sun and taste the fresh air and remember just what it was that life used to feel like before the sand pit.
Bucky leaving was like losing that strong hold and sliding ever deeper back into the pit—only this time I knew I didn’t have to live down there and everything in me screamed as the opening grew further and further away.
But this time I didn’t let it rest. Didn’t give up. I was already closer to the top than I was before, even if I was sliding back, so I threw everything I had at the crumbling wall of sand and you know what?
I was doing it.
I wasn’t making much headway but all the headway that I made? It was mine. I made it. I did that. It wasn’t easy and Dear God some days were so bad I could feel the sand slipping under me, pulling me back down and I was so tired, so tired—
But I wanted out and for the first time in a long time I believed I could do it. Had to do it.
Because there wasn’t anyone but me to do it.
The first couple days after Bucky left were the worst. It was hard to find the energy to do anything, even with a houseguest that I needed to look after. Clint didn’t require much of my attention, however, and after two days of either sleeping or drinking so much coffee I would have been convinced he’d never sleep again, he left. We didn’t spend all that much time together, but he seemed nice. I was just having a hard time concentrating on anything that wasn’t Bucky. Or rather, the absence of Bucky.
Laura helped as much as she could. She let me cry on her shoulder when it was all too much. She let me scream and rage about all of it in the way I never did after my family died. All of this was long overdue and I was so grateful to still have my friend. I was perhaps a little more vicious than I needed to be, setting her straight on what was between Bucky and me—too much on my side, just a promise to come back on his—and she took it.
Dear God in all the starry heavens Laura took it without arguing (too much) and let me cry myself to sleep on her couch.
I woke up with Jackson burbling and kicking his feet on the floor next to me and it felt a little bit like home. Somewhere I belonged.
My house didn’t feel much like that anymore.
And it wasn’t just in the way how everywhere I looked I saw reminders of Bucky—
That was his favorite chair in the kitchen.
Those were the bookshelves he built me.
That was the new tv that Tony Stark gave me because the old one was shot to pieces in the Hydra attack.
This was the shampoo that the both of us used and whenever we curled up together I couldn’t tell whether it was his hair or mine I smelled.
All these things were reminders and I clutched them all to myself like if I didn’t they might disappear.
Just like Bucky did.
I didn’t have him anymore, but I had my memories of him, and I was terrified of losing those too. Because as long as I had those he wasn’t fully gone, he was coming back.
He promised.
But if it wasn’t for Sam I might have lost my faith in that promise.
Because Bucky never called. Never texted. Never once contacted me.
Ever.
And I couldn’t call him because I didn’t want to distract him at a crucial moment, even if the odds of me calling during a fight were slim, and the odds of him not having turned his phone off were even slimmer. So even though it wasn’t entirely logical, I was okay with leaving that ball in his court. He’d call when he had time, just like Steve had called him, or when Sam had texted the two of us.
But he never called.
And the memory of Steve calling him every couple days burned painfully inside me because that clearly meant there was enough down time to do something like that, even if you were an Avenger with a full dance card, hunting down Hydra and monsters and the like.
Which meant that if he wasn’t calling it was because he didn’t want to. Not even to check up on me.
And I wasn’t expecting all that much, you know? Bucky wasn’t the world’s best communicator (I wasn’t that much better than him, yes I know) so I was expecting the world’s most awkward ‘hey’ ‘hey’ ‘how are you?’ ‘I made cookies’ ‘oh.’ stilted sort of conversation, but I didn’t even get that.
I got nothing.
And as I said before, if it wasn’t for Sam my heart would have broken too much to believe Bucky’s last words to me.
Because if he didn’t want to have anything to do with me while he was away, why on earth would he want to come back once it was over?
But Sam held the line, sending me pictures of Bucky sleeping or taking care of his guns or just sitting shoulder to shoulder with Steve. It was only in the pictures with Steve that he appeared relaxed or happy. Even asleep he looked tight and scowly.
Bucky hadn’t been that scowly with me in a long time. Not that constantly.
So it gave me hope—terrible, uneasy, lurching hope—that maybe it didn’t matter if he called. Maybe it didn’t even matter why he didn’t.
Maybe he’d come back anyway. And if he did, did anything else really matter?
No. Not really. I’m far too forgiving like that.
It was easier to text with Sam about some things than it was to talk with Laura. I didn’t have to worry about worrying Sam in the same way. I could tell Sam I was having trouble sleeping and he’d just link me to some helpful websites or ‘glare’ at me and tell me to stop skipping my exercises. Oops.
Sam is scary clever sometimes.
All the time.
Whatever.
But at least talking with him kept me from becoming too depressed and slipping deeper into the pit.
So I did my exercises and ate at least two good meals a day (breakfast was hard to eat now that Bucky wasn’t here) and talked with Sam and spent time with Laura and Charlie and Jackson and suddenly I realized that I was bored.
Bored with a capital B.
I wanted to do something more, something different. There was an itching in my muscles that had nothing to do with healing and everything to do with boredom. My books and my movies and my music weren’t enough without Bucky to share them with, and I started to wonder if this was what my future was going to be like: me sitting around being bored and mopey because I was alone.
I didn’t like that. I’d done that before, and I was tired of it.
So I asked myself the very important question: what do I want my future to be like?
BUCKY! My brain immediately supplied.
Thanks for the help, brain. You’re assistance has been very valuable.
Not.
Tell me something I don’t know, brain. Tell me something new. What do I want to do with my time? Who do I want to be?
I spent a lot of frustrated time mulling over that question, because I didn’t have a good answer.
In one of those horrible strokes of irony I had no real need to work now that my family was dead because all their worldly goods/insurance policies reverted to me.
Huzzah.
So I might not have been rich but I certainly didn’t have to eat Ramen unless I really wanted to. Which I did sometimes because Ramen.
I didn’t feel like jumping back into a job right away because even if I was healing up okay I didn’t want to face the amount of people interaction even a part time job would bring.
It was ultimately Sam’s suggestion of taking a class and learning something new that led me to a local college’s web site where they I discovered they offered Anatomy courses. Anatomy.
Boo-yah. I could do that. I already loved anatomy so it wasn’t like I was throwing myself into the deep end of a pool that might be filled with water, but it also might be filled with snakes. There were no snakes in the anatomy pool. I was probably going to learn a lot, but at least I knew what I was in for.
I was pretty excited when I told Sam about it. I’d always liked knowing how things worked, and although my first time around in college had been pretty awesome (I love my useless English degree, don’t you knock it) I was excited to do something with the sciences this time.
Nervous too, don’t get me wrong. You meet new people and you’re always going to have to answer questions. Family questions. Life questions. Like, ‘why are you limping and why do you have so many scars’ questions.
Yeah. Those kinds of questions. And I’d have to think of something good to say about it because the real answer was not happening. Nuh-uh.. No way was I telling random strangers that I got shot up by Hydra because I was on the run with the Winter Soldier who they were trying to reacquire after he broke me out of a Hydra base where they were torturing me because the Winter soldier was living with me after he broke into my house after the whole DC incident.
Oof. Yeah, no.
I was gonna go with ‘caught in a freak drive-by shooting accident.’ It played a little better.
To that end I did actually look up places that had drive-by shootings two months ago and decided which place was likely to be far enough away that no one would have the details but also that it was logical enough that I would have been in that time and place to get shot.
See, that was my English degree coming into play right there. When you make up something, it has to be plausible enough that people won’t think too hard about it. Make the willing suspension of disbelief work for you. Mix a small dash of tragedy with a hearty smile and a can-do attitude that obviously hides a certain fragility and most people are instantly on your side. Or running away so you don’t infect them with your sadness. Either works.
Not that you should lie to people for kicks and giggles. Don’t do that. But if your really have to lie to someone…it might as well be a good lie.
And as much as I hate over-solicitous sympathy at least in this case I could fob it off with an ‘accidents suck’ kind of statement and be done with it.
People don’t let you do that when your entire family dies in a freak boating accident. Even if accidents like that really do suck.
I manage to apply to the class and get accepted just a week before it started. Hurray State run schools, where everyone’s money is welcome. Oh you mean there are people attached to that money? ‘deep sigh’ Oh all right, I guess they can come too.
I wasn’t expecting THE MOST IN DEPTH ANATOMY CLASS EVER NO REALLY YOU ARE A DOCTOR NOW kind of class. I just wanted to learn something new.
And keep my mind off of Bucky.
Yeah. Hah. That was going to work. Not when I could practically feel the cool flex and shift of the metal plates on his arm under my hands. Not when I could remember him placing his hands on my back to show me where the kidneys are (for stabbing purposes, donchaknow).
Forgetting Bucky wasn’t happening, but maybe I could do something to keep me busy anyway.
It had been several years since I graduated college, several years in which to forget the rhythms of homework and studying for quizzes and tests, several years in which I hadn’t had to personally interact with so many strangers. Because a classroom situation is different than a job, you know? Even if you work with the public you don’t usually have to get to know them. You just try to make them happy enough to pay you money and go away.
But in a class? You’re supposed to be friendly. Helpful. You might even have to do group projects with them (ugh). Hiding would only get me so far. Besides, I was there to be distracted. Nothing more distracting than other people.
Blech.
So when I nervously walked/limped into class far too early my first day, I did my best to have a positive attitude about it. I wasn’t walking to my doom, no don’t be silly. I was about to learn fun things and since everyone else was there to learn fun things too maybe we’d get along without hating each other.
Yeah. I’m not really good at talking myself into liking people.
The class started on time and the room was pretty full—maybe twenty people or so. The professor was pretty nice and unjaded for a state school salary, and opened us up with some of the more interesting facts about the human body. Like how when we blush our stomach lining blushes too. And how we share 50% of DNA with bananas. Or how the adult human body contains 4.5 liters of blood, but a baby only has 355 mL (less than a can of soda).
This last one caused me to crack up so hard I turned heads for a couple of rows. I waved a sorry at the professor and he let it go.
The girl next to me leaned in. ‘What’s so funny?’ she whispered.
‘I’m sorry, it’s just—comparing a baby’s blood content to a can of soda? It’s not very much is it.’
She looked confused. She looked like she was a little older than the average college age, but still younger than me. ‘It’s a baby. Why would it be more?’
I shook my head. ‘I know, it makes sense there wouldn’t be much, but—‘ I hesitated to say what had occurred to me. My sense of humor was strange at best, and this was very strange. ‘—have you ever read Dracula?’
She looked at me quizzically. ‘No, but I saw the movie.’
‘Okay, good. So you know the part where Dracula steals a baby and feeds it to his three wives?’
A flicker of understanding passed across her face.
‘It’s just—that’s not a lot of blood for three people to share. I mean, other than the utter moral depravity of eating a human baby—what’s the point? You’re effectively sharing a coke with three other people. You’re getting what—a sip or two? That’s not very much. Vampires shouldn’t eat babies, it’s inefficient.’
I held myself tightly after finishing, prepared for her scorn or just blank perplexity. I got that a lot growing up.
But her eyes lit up and she flung a hand over her mouth just in time to stop a bark of laughter. Her nose crinkled and her shoulders shook. She took her hand off her mouth and shook her head. ‘I never thought of it like that!’ she whispered to me, and we both grinned. ‘I’m Monica.’
‘I’m Lily,’ I whispered back, and we shook hands before turning our attentions back to the teacher.
After class was over Monica introduced me to a couple other people in the class.
‘Lily, this is Jamira and Ana. Guys, this is Lily. You wouldn’t believe what she said at the start of class—‘
‘Is that what was making you crack up?’ Jamira asked. Or maybe it was Ana. Bother, I’m bad with new people.
‘You’re going to love this—Lily?’ Monica turned to me with a huge smile on her face and I smiled back.
Maybe this would all be okay.
It was okay. In fact, by the end of our second class together I had even been convinced to go to dinner with everyone to hang out. Of course, from the sound of it ‘dinner’ was going to be salad. Fruit salad. Grapes really. Or just wine. Lots of wine.
I’d stopped taking my pain meds even to sleep a couple weeks ago, so there was no conflict there, but even without that I wasn’t going to be drinking much. I would have to drive myself home, after all, and I didn’t like getting too tipsy in public. But I still felt comfortable enough to go hang out with my new classmates—they were nice, and very funny themselves. Maybe group projects wouldn’t be so bad if I could have them on my team.
The bar/restaurant was fifteen minutes from the college, but still thirty minutes from my house. We went there straight after class, and even though it was still early, the place was surprisingly full.
‘Wow, this is pretty busy for this early,’ I said as we walked in.
Jamira waved a hand. ‘Early bird special for drinks until 6.’
‘Ah,’ I snorted. That was one way to draw a crowd.
Monica, Jamira, and Ana all ordered wine, but I stuck with a local cider. They teased me about it, but gently.
‘All right, all right,’ I flapped my hands at them. ‘Make fun of the light weight.’
‘Oh we will,’ Ana snarked back. She was pretty quiet in class, but with a glass or two of wine in her, she was opening up more. I scrunched my nose at her and made a face. She laughed and the three of them clinked glasses together. It was nice.
The place really filled up over the next hour and we had to defend our place at the bar ferociously. We shared appetizers and opinions on the class, as well as minor personal details every now and then.
It was Monica who finally asked what I know all of them were wondering about when I eased myself into another position on the bar stool and winced as the muscles in my right leg protested.
‘So, you don’t have to say anything, we’re not that gossipy—but are you okay? Your leg, or whatever that is.’
‘You limp sometimes,’ Ana added, her tact and reserve replaced by bright eyes and flushed red cheeks.
I shrugged ruefully. ‘I got hurt two months ago. Drive-by shooting. Wrong place at the wrong time.’
Their eyes widened and Jamira flapped her hands anxiously. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ I smiled. ‘I mean, it’s not all healed up yet, but I’ll be okay. The leg was the worst of it. Bullet went all the way to the bone. Didn’t crack it, though.’ I said positively.
‘Oh, that’s good,’ Monica said before taking a deep gulp of her wine. She coughed and put a hand on her chest. ‘Oops.’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ I laughed and slapped her on the back to help the coughing stop. ‘I don’t talk about because I’m not looking to be ‘the girl that got shot,’ but I’m not mad.’
‘Good,’ Jamira piped up, and raised her glass to me. Monica and Ana followed suit. ‘To Lily—one tough son-of-a-bitch.’
‘Here here!’ They shouted, and downed their glasses. I laughed and took a sip of mine. It was almost gone, but I’d been nursing it for almost two hours.
‘Shouldn’t that be ‘daughter’?’ I asked innocently. They groaned.
‘English major!’ Ana swore at me. I giggled.
‘All right, all right,’ Jamira interrupted. ‘No more of that, but thanks for trusting us, Lily. We won’t spread that around. But we’ve come to the best portion of the night—men!’ All of us laughed at her. ‘Do we have them? Do we want them? What do we want to do with them when we have them?’ She waggled her eyebrows suggestively. Ana snorted so hard wine went up her nose.
‘Augh!’ she cried in pain. Monica tried to pat her face down with napkins but she kept missing because she was laughing so hard. Ana finally had to take them herself to recover her dignity.
Monica took small sips of her wine to try and control her giggles. ‘Okay. Right. I’ll take the hit. No, I don’t have a man, hell yes I want one, and a man’s proper place is in my bed tied up so I can do anything I want to him—‘ Jamira shrieked and put a hand over Monica’s mouth to stop her from saying anything else, but I think she was done already. They leaned so close to each other they nearly fell off their stools.
‘You have a dirty dirty mind,’ Jamira cried.
‘And you don’t?’ Monica fired back.
‘Well I have a man,’ Ana spoke up. ‘I would like to keep him, but I wish he’d do his dishes more often.’
‘Here here!’ Monica and I shouted. Men who do dishes are the best.
Bucky…
‘Hey, hey—‘ Ana pointed at me unsteadily. ‘What’s that look? You got all sad…’
‘Sworn off men?’ Monica asked sympathetically. I shook my head. Oh bother, how to explain even a tenth of what’s happened to me…
‘I like someone. Don’t think they like me back. They’ve been gone for a while and they haven’t tried to contact me.’
My three classmates ‘awww’d’ in sympathy and Monica pushed the last cheese stick towards me in consolation.
‘That sucks,’ Jamira said.
I shrugged. ‘Yeah. It kind of does.’
Jamira flung an arm over my shoulder in a loose hug. ‘Don’t you worry, we’ll find you somebody to appreciate you.’
‘Oh no, don’t—‘ I tried to protest but it was in vain.
‘How about blondie over there?’ Jamira gestured vaguely. I squinted.
‘You mean the one who looks like he’s about to do a face first dive into that girl’s cleavage?’
Jamira looked closer. ‘Okay, maybe not. Her eyes are up here!’ she shouted across the bar rudely, and we shushed her with as much laughter as trepidation. That didn’t stop her though. ‘What about shorty over there? Nice muscles.’
Shorty was appropriately named, and his muscles were scarily nice.
‘I’m pretty sure he loves his gym more than he ever could love a girl. I won’t be the ‘other woman’ in that relationship.’
‘Ooh, burn!’ Ana shouted and leaned closer to high-five me. I giggled and drank the last of my cider. Jamira was shaking her head at the both of us.
‘Okay, okay, but how about—‘ she craned her head around the room and abruptly stopped. ‘Oh, hell no, not for you—‘
‘What?’ I sniggered. ‘What’s the matter? I tried to see where she was looking but there was a swirl of people near the door blocking my view.
‘Every girl loves a bad boy,’ Jamira said slowly, still clearly in shock, ‘But there’s bad, and then there’s bad. And Bad news just walked in.’
All of us were now turned toward the door, trying to see what Jamira had. The swirl of people was resolving itself quickly; whoever was at the center of the knot was pushing people back by sheer force of scariness alone, it seemed. No one wanted to be near someone that bad.
Enough people finally edged away to give me a good look at whoever it was, and it was—
What—
The—
‘Bucky!’ I shouted, or maybe whispered, I couldn’t really tell. But his eyes locked on mine and he shouldered his way through the nervous crowd with the focused intensity I’d only ever seen him apply to fighting. Each step was as definite as an earthquake and to anyone else I suppose he looked like Death had taken a human form and was pissed as hell—but to me?
I saw his eyes and they were warm and as happy as I’d ever seen them. I felt dizzy and hot under his gaze, like I’d been drinking a whole lot more than just one cider. I half fell, half jumped off my bar stool just in time to push myself forward a couple steps and throw myself at him.
Bucky Bucky Bucky Bucky Bucky—
He caught me and lifted me into his arms, my legs automatically wrapping around his waist as I half laughed, half sobbed in delirious joy to feel his arms around me again, to feel his body pressed against mine.
He came back—he came back!
‘Bucky Bucky Bucky—‘ I chanted into his shoulder where I’d pressed my face, my hands clutched deep in his hair as I tried to reconcile what had just happened.
Bucky was here?
Bucky was here?
‘Bucky Bucky Bucky—‘
I could feel him inhale deeply and laugh shakily on the exhale as he pulled me in as tightly as we could press together. He smelled like unfamiliar shampoo, the chemical after-smell of wet-wipes, gunpowder, and his own undefinable scent.
Bucky.
‘Lily,’ He graveled close to my ear. ‘Lily.’ He sounded as overwhelmed as me, if that were possible. His left arm remained below my hips to support me, but his right couldn’t seem to settle, needing to touch every inch of me that he could.
‘Bucky,’ I nearly cried. ‘You’re here, you’re here—‘
‘God, Lily—‘ Bucky shook in my arms. ‘You smell like home.’
Home?
You could have knocked me over with a feather, if I was standing up. Inwardly I reeled.
‘H-home?’ my voice wavered and I couldn’t stop myself from clutching him even tighter to me. I’d been thinking of him as ‘home’ for so long now, even when he was gone. It was hard to go ‘home’ when ‘home’ was who knows where in the world. But that was because I loved him, wanted him to be my home—
‘Lily, I’m so sorry, so sorry I left, so sorry I didn’t—didn’t’ Bucky gripped me tighter and I might have to suffer bruises tomorrow but I didn’t care. I didn’t care! It meant Bucky was here—Bucky—
He pulled back from me slightly and I whimpered and tried to hold him closer but he was stronger than me. He rested his forehead against mine and looked me straight in my eyes.
‘Lily. You’re home to me, everything about you, everything that you are—I can’t, I can’t even tell you what—‘ He closed his eyes and bit his lip, unable to go on. My heart was beating so fast I’m sure he could hear it—maybe even feel it from how tightly we were still pressed together. He took a steadying breath and I could feel it all through my own body.
‘Lily. I love you.’ He opened his eyes and I couldn’t doubt the depth of sincerity, fear, joy, and yes LOVE that I saw there. My breath stuttered in my lungs. ‘You’re my home and I can’t promise I’ll never leave again—but I swear to you on my life I will always come back. You’re what I want to come back to. What I need to come back to.’
I was full on crying now. How could I not? I tried to smile through my tears to show him that everything was okay, though.
Okay?
Hell with that!
‘Bucky,’ I forced my lungs to cooperate. ‘Bucky. I need you too. I love you—you’re home to me too. It wasn’t home when you were gone—‘ Incandescent joy filled Bucky’s face until I felt like I’d burn up from all that happiness. My right hand came up to cradle his face and I wiped away the single tear that dropped from his eye. We both laughed wetly and only a little hysterically as we pulled each other in tight again and buried our faces in the crooks of each other’s neck.
‘God, Lily. You smell so good.’ Bucky nuzzled his face into my hair.
‘You smell like you,’ was all I could say. It wasn’t a particularly nice smell at the moment, but it was Bucky.
He laughed. ‘No showers on the quin-jet. Had to make do.’
‘Don’t care,’ I said vehemently. ‘You’re here.’
‘I’m here,’ he whispered into my neck. ‘I’m here.’
‘I love you,’ I had to stay it again. Bucky shuddered and his arms tightened around me so much I couldn’t breathe. I patted his shoulder a little desperately.
‘Sorry, sorry,’ his arms loosened. ‘I love you, love you so much. I’m so sorry it took me this long, so sorry—‘
‘No, don’t.’ I protested. ‘I didn’t say anything either. Was too afraid I’d drive you away.’ I had been so afraid…
Bucky growled. ‘I was an idiot.’
Maybe. But then, so was I. ‘My Idiot,’ was what I said in reply.
Bucky growled again, the sound sending shivers through me. ‘Yours?’ The question made me hopeful. Made me brave.
‘Mine.’
Bucky didn’t crush my ribs this time, but it was a close thing.
Hey mikey, I think he likes it.
He pressed his lips to the side of my neck and I shivered again. They were warm and soft and all I could feel.
‘Mine,’ Bucky said possessively, and I shuddered even harder than I had before.
Oh yeah. That was a thing now. A thing I was fully on board with.
‘Yours,’ I gasped, and he rumbled approvingly as he stroked his lips gently against the side of my neck again.
Oh God. I don’t ever need anything else in my life but this. Just this.
Bucky rumbled again, this time with a touch of amusement to it.
‘We’ve drawn a crowd.’
I instinctively clamped my arms around him and grumbled. Noooo, don’t want to move…
Bucky laughed, starting out soft and then shifting to a full on chortle as he swung me around in a circle where we stood. ‘Bucky!’ I giggled into his shoulder.
‘Come on,’ He said, his voice like sunshine and happiness. ‘We’ve given them enough of a show. And I think your friends’ eyes are about to pop out of their heads.’ He said mischievously as he loosened my legs and slid me down his body, every inch of us coming into contact.
I’d honestly forgotten about the entire rest of the bar. When I’d seen Bucky it had all flown away until we were the only people in the entire world. There had been no sounds, no sights, no smells but our own. I was reluctant to rejoin the rest of humanity and to separate from Bucky, but it was clear he didn’t want to separate either. He kept a firm grip on me with one hand, and with the other lifted a heavy duffle off the floor where I hadn’t even noticed it laying.
‘Introduce me,’ Bucky whispered in my ear, leaning in close over my back.
Introduce you? Much rather leave right now and go Home, but okay. Introductions. I can do those.
My classmates were only three steps away, their mouths open in shock and their eyes were indeed bugging out fit to pop. I smiled happily at them, feeling light and dizzy with joy. I could almost fly, I felt so free.
‘Hey guys, this is Bucky. Bucky, this is Monica, Jamira, and Ana.’ I waved in turn to each one. They waved dazedly back.
‘Pleasure to meet you,’ Bucky drawled, his body tight against my back. ‘I hope you’ll forgive me for stealing your friend, but we haven’t seen each other in a while and I would appreciate the chance to catch up with her.’
Bucky’s charm was turned up to 11 and my classmates didn’t know what hit them. They were nodding even before he finished speaking and Monica passed me my purse where it had been sitting next to my seat.
‘I’m sorry for cutting out early guys,’ no I wasn’t, ‘but I’ll see you next week, yeah?’ I said as I slung my purse over my shoulder, Bucky adjusting the strap so it lay flat against me.
‘Uh, yeah—sure! Great.’ Jamira was the first to recover, her shock melting into incredulity and good humor. ‘See you next week.’
‘Bye,’ I waved at the other two. They waved back, but didn’t seem to be able to say anything else. I could feel Bucky smirking behind me as he pulled me away toward the door, one possessive hand around my waist.
I was his.
He was mine.
I leaned into him as much as I could and still walk. He took my weight easily, our bodies rolling against each other in a smooth motion with no space between us.
Not anymore.
We made it out to the parking lot under the curious and slightly scared stares of the bar. Well, Bucky certainly knew how to make an impression. I grinned and chuckled to myself.
‘What’s so funny?’ Bucky asked, his head turned toward me as we walked to my car.
‘I was just thinking, you certainly know how to make an entrance. Everyone in that bar was terrified of you.’
‘Everyone?’ Bucky stopped and spun me around to face him. I was breathless. Happy. In love.
‘Well, not maybe everyone…’ I pretended to think it over.
‘Hmm,’ Bucky rumbled. ‘Maybe…there was one person?’
‘Oh that’s hard…’ I teased. ‘I mean, there might have been—‘
Bucky’s grin was sharp and dangerous as he stepped into my space forcing me backwards until I was pressed against my car. My hands were on his ribs and I gripped the fabric of his shirt desperately, hoping to ground myself or I really might explode—poof!—no more Lily—
Bucky wasn’t helping. He leaned in close, his nose just barely brushing the skin under my jaw. My head fell back with a thunk against the car. I didn’t feel it. All my attention was focused on Bucky and what he was doing to my body, every small touch that sent rockets of sparks through my system.
Warning, warning: explosion imminent.
‘How about now?’ He whispered, and it took me a second to remember what we’d been talking about. Oh bother—
‘Mm,’ I sighed. ‘Don’t think anyone’s terrified of you here.’
‘No?’ Bucky nuzzled gently at my neck again, causing me to shiver.
‘No,’ I said weakly. ‘I—I love you—‘
An absolutely wrecked noise tore itself out of Bucky’s throat and he left off teasing me to gently cradle my head in his hands as he pressed his forehead to mine and softly rubbed his thumbs up and down against my cheeks. ‘Lily—‘ he gasped, and my name has never sounded so good.
I had to swallow hard. ‘Bucky…’ his thumbs kept moving up and down my cheeks, up and down, up and down…my knees were weak and I could barely stand but Bucky’s weight kept me pressed against the car. It felt like heaven.
‘Lily,’ Bucky whispered this time, his face drawing closer to mine, slowly, so slowly…
Our lips met softly and slid against each other slowly and easily. My head whirled and I let out a shaky moan so quiet even I could barely hear it. Bucky pressed our lips together firmly for a moment before drawing back, the both of us panting heavily.
‘Bucky,’ I said desperately. That was one hell of a first kiss.
‘Lily,’ Bucky said raggedly. ‘Love you. Love—‘
Our second kiss was shorter but even more explosive than the first. I could feel his every emotion like it was mine to experience. His desperate love and joy that flamed inside of him and set his skin ablaze. It set me on fire too and I burned happily in his arms.
When that kiss ended we still couldn’t pull apart completely, our arms stayed wrapped around each other as we made desperate motions to get closer, even closer—
It was torture. It was bliss. It was everything I ever dreamed of and nothing I ever thought to have.
Eventually we both snorted with laughter at the futility of it and the tension eased into something more bearable. I bumped my forehead against his chest. He kissed the top of my head. We both breathed deeply and exhaled slowly.
Okay. We were both okay.
‘Love you,’ I had to whisper to him again. Now that I could say it I wasn’t ever going to stop.
‘Love you,’ Bucky whispered back. His hands stroked up and down my arms as he stepped back, smiling ruefully at my moue of disappointment. ‘Home?’ He asked, his voice low and sure.
‘Home,’ I agreed, and I knew what he meant but I also knew what I meant, so I smiled widely as we got into the car.
Home was Bucky.
And he was here. And after so long alone I was finally home.