Chapter Text
Travis had had a point in calling that room her temple or “the music church”. There was something sacred about the way she led him into the room, keeping tight hold of his hand until they were standing next to the grand piano. She opened it, removed the velvet cover from the keyboard and adjusted the stool to the right distance. Then she looked into his eyes like she’d just realized he was there, walked up to a corner of the room and dragged a chair all the way to the piano. She sat on her stool and patted the chair.
“Sit here, baby,” she whispered.
“Are you sure?”
She nodded.
“Just don’t look at me, okay?”
“Okay.”
He sat and stared at the keyboard instead, mesmerized by the way her hands were running on it, tapping a key at a time like she was testing it, or maybe just convincing herself it was okay to play with him sitting so close by.
She was stalling, and she was sure he knew, he read her way too well not to know. But he wasn’t pressuring her, and he was being very respectful of her request not to look at her. She wanted this, she needed to play this for him, to take a little step toward letting him in, but it wasn’t easy, not when every single person she’d played for had ended up failing her.
She thought back to all the evenings she’d spent there, in that very room, during covid times. She thought of Joe coming into the room and sitting next to her the way Travis was right now and how he would talk to her, ask her questions, suggest things she could change. It had been okay in some cases; she would lie to herself if she said she didn’t enjoy co – writing songs with him or asking for his feedback. But things had then shifted. It had become his space as much as hers. He would be there all the time, working with her, even when she just needed her solitude with the instruments and her voice. She had tried telling him once or twice, but he had always made it about him. He’d told her he was sorry he was such a bad boyfriend, that he was sorry he didn’t have a job at the moment, that he was just feeling sad and being there with her, sharing music with her was the only thing he had left. She remembered her heart sinking and the feeling of guilt for not being more understanding of him, for wanting to be alone when she already had everything she could ask for.
She also thought back of the days and nights after Joe, when she’s tried so hard to get herself to enjoy singing and playing again, but all she could think of was another man. She hated herself for that, for making her whole life about the one who had gotten away, the one she had always wondered about, the one who had inspired so much of her work, even if they’d never been in a serious relationship. She was already devastated about a relationship she had thought would be forever having come to an end, but Matty had left her on the floor. Quite literally. She had lost count of how many days she’d spent ignoring her mom, Tree, Blake and all her friends’ calls because she was lying down. On her bed. In the kitchen. In that very room. She would just crumble to the floor, no tears left to cry, she had used them all up already. And she would just wish…
NO, she told herself. We are not thinking about those dark thoughts now. Not when Travis is right here.
It wasn’t all Travis, she knew that. There was no way a man could fix what was broken inside of her for a long time, she had “done the work” – that’s how her therapist put it. He was, however, reminding her that a relationship doesn’t necessarily drain you of your essence and that the other person is not supposed to suck out your soul until all that’s left is just an empty shell. This big man, with his gentle ways, his sweet smile and the few words he said, was showing her what kind of relationship she wanted to be in. And maybe it would be forever, maybe it would end tomorrow, but she knew she’d always be grateful. She knew she wouldn’t crumble to the floor if this ended, that she wouldn’t be an empty shell, a ghost of herself, but simply a person who had loved a lot and it hadn’t gone the way she hoped for. Whatever happened between them, she knew Travis was going to leave a full person behind if he eventually walked away, that she wasn’t going to lose herself for him, not during the relationship and not after. And she sure as hell hoped there would never be an “after” because it had only been a few weeks and she was already enjoying the “during” way too much. She didn’t have other ways to explain it other than that song, the one that she had been singing in her head every night to fall asleep, while he held her so close his heartbeat worked as a metronome…
All I knew
This morning when I woke
Is I know something now
Know something now I didn't before
“That is not a thing,” Taylor had giggled that morning, as they were still in bed.
“It is a thing, I swear!”
“Babe, no one is scared of holes!”
He had laughed with her and shook his head.
“I swear to God, Tay, it’s called trypophobia and it is a thing. Look it up!”
She had. It was a thing. They had laughed about it and listed all the things someone with trypophobia would hate, starting with Emmental cheese and ending with one of her Midnights bodysuits - “What if one of my fans has trypophobia and I’m making them suffer with my bodysuit?” she had wondered.
And all I've seen
Since eighteen hours ago
Is green eyes and freckles and your smile
In the back of my mind making me feel like
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you, know you, know you
“So, this one is Wyatt…”
Taylor had pointed at the picture, and he’d glanced at her to see the little smile on her face. He had nodded.
“She’s a blast…”
“I used to tell everyone I wanted to have three children…” she’d whispered. “Three children, at least five cats, maybe a dog, and a big house with a patio.”
“Is it something you still want?” he’d asked, and even though he’d tried to sound as neutral as possible he was sure she’d felt how important that question was to him.
“I do… I just don’t know if it’s in the cards for me.”
“Because of the fame bit?” he’d inquired.
“Because of…”
She had sighed, sitting up a little straighter on the couch so she could properly look into his eyes.
“Because of just everything. There is a matter of security, but there is also… I can’t seem to have anything normal. I am scared to let myself hope that normal is a thing for me.”
He had understood that she wasn’t ready to say more. It would come with time.
Gently stroking her cheek, he’d simply said: “I like getting to know you.”
'Cause all I know is we said, "Hello"
And your eyes look like comin' home
All I know is a simple name
Unknown number: <<Hi, Travis, it’s Taylor, I heard that you were trying to exchange numbers. I hope you don’t mind me reaching out first :-) >>
Travis Kelce: <<I’m sorry, who is this?>>
Unknown number: <<Taylor hahahahaha>>
Unknown number: <<Taylor Swift>>
And everything has changed.
He was crying within the first few seconds, tears streaming down his face and falling on his lap as he looked down so he could keep his promise not to look at her. But, man, did he want to…
That song might not have been written about them, but it sure as hell seemed to be and he finally understood why everyone loved Taylor’s music so much. She wrote things that were simply relatable, and not in a superficial way. He deeply felt it, the emotion stemming from the beginning of a relationship, when you get to know someone that seems perfect for you, and you start forgetting how life was like before you got to know her. Everything had indeed changed, and while he was terrified at the idea of losing her, of doing something that would draw her away from him or simply for that perfect bubble of theirs to burst, he was also in love with her in a way he’d never felt with anyone else. And the time wasn’t yet right for them to say it out loud, but he knew right then and there. He was in love with Taylor and would probably be for the rest of his life.
“This is how I feel with you,” she whispered, not daring to look at him. She stared at her own hands, shivering slightly when he reached to intertwine his fingers with hers. He let out a sob and she instantly turned to check on him. His face was stained with tears as he looked at her through glassy eyes, and she couldn’t help but feel like crying too.
“Baby…”
“I’m sorry, I… That was…” he tried to explain.
She stood up and wrapped her hands around him, his head leaning against her stomach, hers on his. She felt a desire to embrace him so tightly that he would be protected from everything, so the outside world could never hurt him. So she could never hurt him. Salty tears were streaming down her own face now and the more she held him, the harder she cried, just letting out everything that she’d been holding in for days.
“Sorry for making you cry,” she whispered a while later, as she tried to recompose herself and sat back down on the stool.
He groaned and wiped his eyes.
“Don’t be, it was amazing.”
“I hope you get it now,” she said tentatively. “I know there is still so much we haven’t talked about, and I know that it’s hard to understand what goes on in my head but I need you to know, I also don’t know what’s going on in there at all times. And… Falling in love again right now is dangerous. It’s scary. It’s like I have a constant emergency alert system in my brain telling me I should run from this before it ruins my life. But I don’t want to, and at least now you know how I feel. And every time you hear this song, you’ll know I’m thinking of you!”
She knew what she had said, and her heart was pounding in her chest because of it. She was trying her best not to regret having used the L – word. It was definitely what she felt for him, in a way that was different than anything she’d felt before, but it was still so early on, and she was terrified of what rushing things could do to them. But she also knew he deserved her honesty and vulnerability, and she was determined to give it to him, bit by bit. He was staring at her, still teary-eyed.
“Thank you for giving me this, Tay.”
“I wish I could give you more right now…”
“If there is one thing I am is patient. I’ll wait. And there are still lots of things you don’t know about me either,” he countered. “But one thing you should know is that I’ve felt that exact same way you described in that song ever since the first time I saw you.”
Her face lit up in a smile.
“Tell me about it,” she giggled.
“But I’ve told you that story last night.”
“I know, and I liked it a lot.”
“Alright, alright, it was the 8th of July…”
He smiled at her and took hold of her hands. She smiled back and decided she would ask to hear that story another million times.