Chapter Text
[Friday, February 2019] Asahi’s house
Asahi didn’t remember that his tea pot had taken ages to prepare the tea or maybe the time was moving against him just to make life more miserable.
“Daichi and Sugawara told me you travel the world now, that's amazing” Asahi said handing Nishinoya his cup of tea.
“Thank you Asahi-san, it feels like me you know being this free”
“Yeah it really feels like you:”
Asahi knew that and he envied it, he always has.
Asahi was really grateful he cleaned or else he would have embarrassed himself in front of one of his ‘former’ friends again although it took something smelling really bad to pull him out of the trash he lived in.
It was bad this time, the depressive episode, it usually took him a few days or the week maximum without cleaning but this time he didn’t clean at all, he lived on takeaways and if he wasn't so anxious of how people perceive him he wouldn't have probably taken care of himself.
It was all too much on him.
But now he was standing in a clean kitchen, serving tea and taking it to his guest in the clean living room.
“It's a nice place you have, Asahi-san”
“Yeah, thank you Nishinoya” the name felt too intimate, too familiar on his tongue he couldn't take it “-kun”
Nishinoya's eyes widened for a second but Asahi noticed he always noticed, Nishinoya put his cup on the table clearing his throat then chuckling “Asahi-san you never called me Nishinoya-kun before, I feel hurt a little bit to be honest”
Hurt, he hurt Nishinoya again.
“I mean we haven't been friends for a really long time so it only makes sense I call you that”
“But you didn't earlier “
“Oh I didn't I am sorry I didn't mean it”
Asahi hated himself and that was a fact but he hates himself more when he keeps lying to Nishinoya and saying words he doesn't mean, he did it before in highschool and he's doing it again and in both time he hurt Nishinoya
“You're still a coward Asahi-san” Nishinoya mumbled
“Did you say something?”
“I SAID YOU'RE STILL A FUCKING COWARD” Nishinoya yelled Asahi was taken back but the sudden change.
“Nishino…”
“You..” Nishinoya took a deep breath in then out “you said that the decision of not going back to the club ruined your life but to me it looks like you're the one who keeps ruining it”
Asahi was speechless, tears forming into his eyes, Nishinoya just voiced his demons words, word to word he couldn't take it.
“You know your life doesn't have to be bad based on one decision you're the probl..”
“STOP” Asahi yelled this time, voice shaking with tears streaming down his face
Nishinoya had always been honest with Asahi, brutally honest sometimes, Asahi had loved that part about him although he kept telling him from time to time to choose better words when wanting to advise someone and seems like he hasn't taken it.
“You don't know anything about me or about my life so don't you dare lecture me in my own house”
“Then you want to stay the same?”
“It’s none of your business” Asahi took a deep breath before he continued “I know what you’re about to say I am the problem everything is my fault-”
“Asahi-sa..”
“But I am not alone in this” Asahi interrupted “you Nishinoya you betrayed me you went back to the team after you said you won’t without me, I was heartbroken, I felt useless and unimportant, I was in pain” Asahi let out a sigh while Nishinoya just stared at him scared to speak
“I know I am being selfish and I was back then too but you Nishinoya, you gave up on me too quickly and this is not me blaming you it’s just..” Asahi took a breath that didn’t quite reach his lungs “It felt like you gave up on me too quickly and it just confirmed my thoughts that I am the one burdening the team and when I heard that you guys went and played in nationals without me I..”
A suffocating silence filled the air and suddenly it was hard to breathe, no no no no Asahi can’t have a panic attack right now, not when he is having a discussion /fight/ with his former friend.
But the stress of the past few days and today as well were too much on Asahi’s mind and body and it decided to act on its own.
His right hand clenched the piece of clothing in front of his heart, his chest moving up and down quickly, his other hand quickly moving to try to unbutton his shirt but failing, Nishinoya took smaller steps towards Asahi.
“Asahi-san are you having a panic attack?” Asahi nodded “ok ok do you need my help?” Asahi could only breathe heavily so he pointed at his shirt.
“You want me to unbutton the shirt ok ok”
Nishinoya’s hands were shaking but he managed to unbutton four buttons, Asahi closed his eyes and he could focus on deep breathing now and the 333 rule
Three things to see: he can see the coffee table, he can see his carpet and he can see Nishinoya kneeling next to him worried, hands floating around Asahi scared to touch him.
Three sounds: he can hear his clock ticking, he can hear birds outside, and he can hear Nishinoya’s quick breathing.
3 body parts to move: he relaxed the hand he clenched his shirt with, he moved his head up to eye Nishinoya, and he squeezed Nishinoya’s hands, closing his eyes to focus more on his deep breaths, Nishinoya squeezed his hand and with the other hand he drew circles on Asahi’s back until his breathing calmed down.
“I-” Nishinoya interrupted Asahi wiping away the tears that had fallen from his eyes during his panic attack
“Do you usually have panic attacks Asahi-san?”
“I’ve been getting them lately”
“I am so sorry Asahi-san I didn’t know”
“You wouldn’t have known Nishinoya”
They stayed in silence Nishinoya looked like he was deciding what thing to say next and he finally decided to speak
“Asahi-san what is going on?” the hand on Asahi’s back was still there providing warmth and comfort two feelings Asahi desperately needed so that’s why the next thing he knew was that he was sobbing, body shaking heavily under Nishinoya’s hand and then he did the thing that he was supposed to do years ago,
“Help me Noya” tears started spilling out of Asahi’s eyes uncontrollably
“My life is so miserable, I hate my job it’s draining me, I hate this place, I hate myself Nishinoya I want to die but it just doesn't happen and I know it’s the only way to keep the voices in my head to stop but I am too coward to do it”
Nishinoya’s eyes widened but he quickly pulled his friend for a tight hug.
“You are not a coward Asahi you’re so brave for being here and admitting to all this I, no we will help you through this Asahi so please let us help you ok no more running away”
-
[Saturday, May 2019] Asahi’s house
Beep beep beep
With a groan Asahi turned off the alarm, it was 09:00 am he definitely needed to wake up now and have breakfast although it’s been some time it still felt a little strange to wake up hours later than he used to, right now he would have been counting the sighs he would out for the day, the many times his boss got to bully him and the minutes left to hang out with Hiroshi-san at lunch even though he would have just arrived to work but it’s all changed now and now he gets up at nine am.
[Friday, February 2019] Asahi’s house
After Asahi calmed down a bit he and Nishinoya sat on the floor facing each other
“So Asahi we’ll take baby steps alright?” and to that Asahi nodded “I want us to write a list right now of the things that you need to take care of and you can do it at your own pace ok or start with whatever is easier for you is that alright?”
“Yeah it’s alright” NIshinoya smiled gently clasping his hands together “alright let’s get to it give me a piece of paper”
- Quit your job
- Go to therapy
- Learn to open up
- Move out
- CHASE YOUR DREAM ASAHI
“There I only wrote the main points there is obviously a lot of things to work on but that sums it up”
“Wait, do I really need to move out?”
“Do you like it here Asahi?” Noya raised an eyebrow with a knowing smirk of Asahi’s answer which made Asahi a bit sheepish rubbing the nape of his neck “no I don’t”
“Ok that settles it then plus I have heard people say if you have a lot of negative emotions it will make the place be haunted or something”
“What” Asahi visibly flinched which made Noya smile more, hand reaching to Asahi’s back, drawing small circles.
“Don’t worry Asahi I will stay with you until you get better”
“So what do you think I should do?” Asahi said with a low voice sounding defeated
“I think you should leave that for tomorrow ok? Good thing tomorrow is the weekend we can think about everything then and take your time”
“Alright”
“So what do you prefer, ramen or pizza?”
“Your pick it’s my treat”
“Alright Asahi don’t regret it when I order too much” Nishinoya giggled holding his phone ready to order.
“Thank you Noya” NIshinoya grinned after hearing that nickname from Asahi.
Asahi’s lack of response later didn’t drive Nishinoya away; it seems like he understood how tired he is from everything and instead of being upset he offered help and smiled a lot too, something that made Asahi feel warm inside.
Asahi was scared saying what his demons repeatedly told him out loud didn’t mean he isn’t scared from any change that will happen after this point nor was he prepared. But Nishinoya seemed to be willing to help each step of the way, not only him, he has Suga and Daichi as well, if they’re willing to have him as a friend again.
And for the first time in a while Asahi had a good sleep.
[Saturday, May 2019] Asahi’s house
“Asahi wake up breakfast is ready” Nishinoya said, poking his head inside Asahi’s room, very energetic for someone who woke up before 9 am.
“I am up Noya good morning” Asahi smiled at his friend who returned it with a bigger smile, as he had been these months Nishinoya always giving way more than he took from Asahi, he definitely needs to repay him. It took a lot of him and a lot of talking from his therapist to accept that / and to know that / he doesn’t need to beat himself up for it instead find other ways to give back more if you want, for example doing laundry isn’t Noya’s special trait so Asahi does that for him and he also takes Noya out a lot and it works amazing for both of them.
Little steps until he can be there physically and emotionally for Noya like he wants.
Asahi stepped out of his bed. This part has become easy lately. Of course he has his bad days but he also has support now so he will be happy no matter what.
“What do we have for breakfast?”
“Leftover miso soup, steamed rice and I made some tamagoyaki”
“Wow smells amazing Noya” Noya turned around serving the plates and when he looked at Asahi he giggled
“What?” Asahi asked the tips of his mouth turning up for a small smile that he was fighting to conceal, it was kind of a routine after all, this interaction, a routine he adored.
“Your bed hair Asahi it is so messy today seems like it was a good sleep”
“It was” Asahi said, smiling, now the urge to conceal it was long forgotten as his hand ran through his hair to tame it as much as he could.
-
“Morning Sahi” Suga’s voice was sleepy and it seemed like that he decided to video call Asahi the moment he opened his eyes
“Good morning Suga, nice hair you have” Asahi smirked as he teased his friend for having the most insane bed hair he has seen from him so far
“Shut up yours aren’t much better anyway” Asahi chuckled when Suga brought his tongue out with a smile
“You know we’re about to leave, do you want us to give you more time to get up?”
“Nah, Dai already gave me my breakfast in bed, bless his soul, and I will get ready in no time”
“He spoils you too much” Asahi clicked his tongue clearly joking to which Suga grinned
“That’s why I love him, and I will love you more if you got here on time”
“You will love me more?” Asahi lifted his eyebrow clearly not believing what his friend said
“Well maybe the same amount”
“Sugawara Koshi is that how you get to kids in your class by lying”
“It’s called a white like Azumane Asahi it doesn’t do any damage”
“Well not if your kids develop trust issues”
“Hey…” before Suga coils continue Asahi heard footsteps getting closer hen Daichi took the phone away from Suga
“Well he won’t be here on time if you keep chatting like this ignoring your breakfast, good morning Asahi go get ready we’re waiting for you”
“Alright Dai see you later”
[Saturday, May 2019] Miyage
Today was a weekend and each weekend Asahi and Noya would meet with Dai and Suga one weekend they would come over to Tokyo and the weekend after it would be the opposite, Asahi was the one who suggested that, it was his own way of getting over what happened in the past, the missed memories, so he wanted to make new ones and lots of them. His friends were happy to agree to this idea, sometimes it would be just the four of them for two days and sometimes they would invite Tanaka and Kiyoko over, this weekend though it was only the four of them as Tanaka and Kiyoko were going for a little trip.
NIshinoya LOVED this idea because that means for two days a week he would have a sleepover party, he used to call everyday a sleepover party with Asahi that was until he stayed for three weeks then the sleepover turned into the normal /domestic / routine he made with Asahi so the weekends were the ones that got called sleepovers now.
As they took off the train Noya was feeling a bit chatty mainly to make up that he slept all the way leaving Asahi awake alone.
“Asahi, how is Hiroshi-san?”
“He’s good, he got promoted and seemed so excited about it”
“I really miss hanging out with him maybe we should see if we can hangout soon”
“I’ll ask him about it but you know he’s planning his wedding now so we might not be able to see him soon.”
“Hmm you're right, oh look here is Daichi-san’s car” Noya said waving enthusiastically at his two friends and Asahi’s heart fluttered at the sight of his friends, he may have seen them a week ago but he missed them so much.
[Saturday, February 2019] Miyagi
“Relax Asahi everything will be alright” Noya put his hand on Asahi’s bouncy leg to calm him down, he looked into his eyes and Asahi’s anxiety faded away just a little bit.
“I hope they remember where my house is”
It’s been two weeks since Noya moved in with Asahi and although Asahi hadn’t yet crossed out anything but he took few weeks off of work to figure everything out, he was definitely looking for a therapist but he doesn’t know what to do with work, he had talked to Hiroshi and he gave him his full support if he wanted to quit but since it made Asahi a little uneasy he suggested taking his days off and think it through.
And that’s what Asahi had been doing and the main thing he wants to resolve is his broken friendship. That's why he texted Daichi telling him to meet and that’s why he is in miyagi today at Noya’s home to be exact.
“Are they late? Maybe I shouldn’t…”
Knock Knock Knock
Asahi flinched at the sudden sound and Noya went to open it but not before patting Asahi on his shoulder drawing a small circle to encourage him.
Asahi took a deep breath in then out, he could hear Noya greeting his two friends, suddenly he got sweaty and anxious to the point he was almost suffocating he could feel his friends coming in but he couldn’t lift his eyes to meet them.
“Asah..”
“I…” Asahi shouted before he realized his tone could be changed a little do he cleared his throat and continued “I am so sorry for last time I was an asshole and I shouldn’t have acted like that Iunderstand if you don’t want to be friends anymore or see me again I appreciate you coming today so please at least accept my apology” Asahi shut his eyes closed clenching his fists when he felt a movement so he opened his eyes and saw that Daichi and Sugawara had kneeled in front of him both placing a hand on one of Asahi’s thighs for comfort
“We are sorry too we should have listened to you”
“I am sorry Asahi I kind of pushed you too much too even though Dai told me not to”
“So please forgive us and let’s start a new page”
Asahi eyes met the tender look Daichi and Sugawara gave him
“You..you are fine with being my friends again”
“Of course we missed you so much”
“We missed you for years, Asahi we have a lot to catch up with” Sugawara said smiling and Asahi immediately bursted into tears, small sobs escaping his mouth.
“I missed you guys so much” Asahi tried to erase his tears with his arm but Dai stopped him and pulled him into a hug, tears making a way into his cheeks as well, pulling Suga into the hug as well who was sobbing like Asahi.
Noya was watching the interaction fold in front of him with a soft smile on his face and he may have taken a picture when the three men didn’t notice, and Asahi may have had it as his wallpaper since then.
[Saturday, May 2019] Daichi and Sugawara’s home
“The kids exhausted me this week I don’t want the weekend to end”
“Oh that explains the very late sleep in” Suga glared at Asahi who smirked
“Someone’s in a good mood today teasing me since I woke up” Suga leaned in towards Asahi but before either of them could say anything Daichi came in with the food so Noya spoke.
“What happened, Suga-san?” Noya said accepting the plate Daichi offered him as he sat the table
“I already had two kids fighting two times on the same day and it even got physical, I had to contact the parents and talking to them I knew where the kids got that attitude they were insufferable and instead of only dealing with the kids I had to deal with their parents fighting for the whole week, plus there were some accidents on the playground it was too much”
“Damn that’s a lot Suga-san”
“I know right!!” Suga said whining “take me with you next time you travel please I am tired of this job”
Daichi chuckled setting the last dish on the table and taking a seat next to Suga “he says this but he always cries when he has to say goodbye to a class he taught”
Suga pouted “well I can’t help it they’re like my kids and watching them grow makes me emotional” everyone chuckled as Suga wiped a fake tear of his eye while Dai patted him on the back
They all started eating and talking about their week put Daichi kept a close eye on Asahi who didn’t eat or talk much
“If the food’s that bad Asahi we can order next time” Asahi flinched at Daichi’s comment and got flustered.
“No no not at all Dai the food is so good as always”
“Then what’s on your mind Sahi talk to us”
“Well um you know that I was thinking about figuring out what to do to change my life, well I think I know what I want to do”
Three pairs of eager eyes looked at Asahi intensely waiting for him to continue.
“Remember that silly dream of mine well I have searched for schools and looked through online course and stuff well what I am trying to say is, I want to be an apparel designer”
[Saturday, August 2020] Egypt
“Noya I think we underestimated how strong the sun will be” Asahi and Noya were at the pyramids walking around and taking different pictures to send to their friends before a camel almost bit Noya’s head.
“It’s fine Asahi if women can go around with scarfs on their heads I am pretty sure we’ll be fine”
“Hmm you make a good point”
“Say Asahi, how is the atelier doing when you’re not there?”
“Well Rintaro-kun is working really hard so I don’t have to worry plus I just launched a collection before going on vacation so they just have to make sure the sale process goes smoothly and I can trust Rintaro-kun with that”
Noya’s lack of response surprised Asahi so he looked at him and he was surprised by how soft Noya’s smile looked
“I am so proud of you Asahi”
“It’s all thanks to you Noya, and Dai and Suga of course but you stayed with me through it all even though you didn’t have to”
“Are you happy now Asahi?”
Asahi turned his gaze forward taking a pause then returning to meet Noya’s eyes again
“You know there are still a few days when I am not my best but yes I am very happy now Noya.” Noya gave Asahi another blinding smile
“So we visited the pyramids what do you have planned for us for the rest of the day, Noya”