Chapter Text
He could try to convince himself that he's wrong. That it's too dark to tell the truth from his imagination. But Jack is tired of playing these games with himself. He knows, and so does his heart, and he stays rooted to the spot.
Emotions crash through him like the waves whispering next to him, telling him a story he doesn't really want to hear. He keeps on watching Rayane, how he shakes his head repeatedly and puts on a t-shirt that Jack knows must be sticking to his skin like glued now. Jack's entire body tenses, and a part of him desperately wants Rayane to look at him, to see through the darkness and notice him, standing here, frozen in place and vulnerable.
But at the same time, he hopes it doesn't happen. He hopes that Rayane will turn around, perfectly oblivious, and walk away, giving Jack a bit more time to prepare himself for a confrontation he knows he won't be able to avoid for the entire summer.
And if gods of the sea exist, they listen, because Rayane indeed walks away, his back straight and broad in the pale light.
Jack lets out a breath he hasn't realised he's been holding, and his heart sinks with relief, but there's also a bitter taste of disappointment lingering in the back of his throat. Shouldn't Rayane feel his presence, somehow?
Or was he forgotten so easily?
When Jack wakes up, he doesn't really remember his walk home, or when he fell asleep. Judging by the amount of light in his bedroom, it's sometime in a late morning, and it's very warm already, his clothes sticking to his skin unpleasantly.
He drags himself out of bed and walks to the bathroom, waving mom good morning on the way and hiding his yawn behind his palm.
The water is pleasantly cool, just cold enough to feel nice against Jack's damp skin, washing away sweat and the scent of salt off of him.
Refreshed and grounded in the light of the day, Jack finds himself feeling significantly better. He has seen Rayane for the first time in years, and he survived. The first step is done, and now he just has to think and behave rationally, and not let the past flaw his present.
"Do you plan to spend your entire summer on sleeping till noon?" Lizzie asks from her spot on a sofa, when she sits snuggled with a book, and Jack just rolls his eyes at her, pretending to be done with her remarks.
"It's not even close to noon. Well, not that close." he says, walking towards the kitchen counter and sighing happily when he sees there's some coffee left, "Where's everyone?"
"Mom and Damien are at work, and Leo is at the community hall. Mom made sure he has his days filled, or he would be jumping from the walls."
"I want that kind of energy again." Jack chuckles, preparing himself a simple bowl of cereal and taking it to the table along ise his coffee, "What are you reading?"
"Ah, just some silly romance book that came along with that fancy fashion magazine mom sometimes treats herself with." Lizzie says, "But I'm meeting with Nina later, to catch up. I hope you won't be too bored by yourself."
"I don't know, how can I survive without your presence?" Jack asks dramatically, and Lizzie chuckles, shaking her head.
"You're so silly." she says with fondness in her voice, "But it's good to see you silly."
"What can I say, that's when I'm my most charming self."
He eats his breakfast unhurriedly, chatting with Lizzie until she announces it's time for her to go, and soon Jack finds himself alone in the apartment. Which he generally doesn't mind, but solitude creates danger that his thoughts would stray. He of course can occupy himself with a book, TV, or a dozen of any other things, but nothing really captures his attention enough to try to focus on it.
Jack texts with Jeremie for a while, and laughs at memes and funny pictures he receives. He likes Jeremie, he really does. He’s fun and kind, and he has been a really good friend to Jack for the last couple of months. Lizzie likes to tease Jack that Jeremie has a thing for him, and sometimes Jack thinks she might be right, but he hopes it’s not. He doesn’t want anything more from anyone, not yet.
They’re done texting when Jeremie has to go back to work, and Jack sinks deeper into a couch, turning his gaze to the TV again, feeling quite bleak and unmotivated to do anything for now. Then, the ringing of his phone cuts through the silence and his boredom, caller ID announcing that it's his mom calling, and Jack picks up immediately, slightly worried something bad has happened.
"Hi mom, is everything alright?"
"Yes, yes." she says, but she sounds a little breathless, and Jack has issues with hearing her through the background noise of the coffee shop, "Sweetie, I hate to ask, I know you have vacation, but our new hire ditched us and the rush has just started. Do you think you could fill in for a couple of hours?"
"Yes, sure, just let me put on some decent clothes." Jack says, standing up rapidly and heading towards his bedroom, "I should be there in around twenty, maybe?"
"Thank you so much, love." she says with relief before ending the call.
Jack actually has some experience, and the qualifications needed to work in a place like that. During his first year of university, he was working in a bar for a couple of months before acquiring a pretty decent scholarship; it was good enough for him not having to work that much, but he would still cover some shifts from time to time, because who wouldn't like some extra money?
He puts on a pair of shorts decent enough to wear for the occasion, and a clean white t-shirt before checking himself in the mirror and leaving the house. The streets are bathed in sunlight, but there's a slight breeze dancing in between the buildings, not very cooling, but definitely pleasant.
The moment he enters The Spoon, he completely understands why mom called him for help. The place is absolutely packed, with both locals and tourists, and from what he can see, the only people working are his mom and a girl who looks like she could still be in high school.
"Here, here!" mom waves at him frantically when she notices him, and Jack quickly comes over, sliding behind the counter and giving her a quick hug, "Thank you so much, Jack, it's really quite a day today." she says, handing him an apron which he quickly wraps around his waist, "This is Marie, she's also new here, but she’s such a champion." mom smiles encouragingly at the girl, who smiles at Jack sweetly, but her eyes resemble a newborn deer.
"Okay, Marie, sweetheart, are you okay with returning to the table service, we should manage right here..."
For the next two to three hours, Jack doesn't have time to think about smoothie recipes and what kinds of plant milks they offer. He's a bit rusty in the beginning, but he quickly catches the rhythm. It's busy, sometimes annoying and stressful, but it's also so satisfying, to put himself to use. Mom and Marie are great to work with, and together they survive the main rush with only two broken glasses and one customer who attempted to raise his voice, but mom pacified him before he had a chance to ask for a manager.
"I think we did pretty good, kids." mom says, combing her hair with her fingers and smiling at them proudly, "I will go to the back, I just got a ping that the delivery is here, I hope this time they brought us that oat milk..."
"We will manage." Jack smiles at her, and decides to clean up a little, as they barely gad time to do so before.
As he's wiping the counter, Jack realizes that he's actually feeling quite happy. Sure, his feet start to hurt a little, not used to standing so much recently, and his shirt clings to his lower back, but it has done him pretty great, to work, to be around people. Maybe he should ask mom if he can keep on helping until they find a new employee?
His train of thought by a quiet sniffle behind him, and he turns around to see Marie sanding in front of an espresso machine, her shoulders slumped and her bottom lip trembling.
"What's wrong?" Jack asks, standing next to her, and she looks at him, her big eyes filling with tears.
"I think I broke it." she says in a small voice, and Jack feels a strong pull of compassion towards her.
"I think it just got stuck. Here, you see." he says, gently reaching out and carefully fixing the machine, "See?"
Marie nods, but she doesn't seem much calmer, and the pale shade of her cheeks speaks of exhaustion, and Jack decides to play a boss for a moment, or just a concerned co-worker.
"Why don't you take a little break and go outside for a moment, catch some fresh air? Or whatever you'd like, just rest for a moment. I will be fine." he adds, seeing her doubt, "There's barely anyone here now."
Marie smiles at him gratefully and stumbles through the back door, and Jack continues cleaning. He grimaces when he almost steps into a small puddle of fresh orange juice spilled on the floor by the counter, and he grabs a rag before crouching down.
He has just started wiping it down when he hears someone standing on the other side, tight outside his view even when he raises his gaze, but he heard footsteps stopping there, and a soft sound of elbows resting on the counter.
Jack is about to open his mouth and apologise, telling the customer that he's going to be right back, when the person clears their throat quietly and speaks first.
"Take your time, no worries."
The rag slips from Jack's suddenly loose fingers, but he barely notices it. His heart stops for a moment, and then starts thudding like crazy, making him feel so light head he thinks he might actually be sick.
He wants to plaster himself against the floor and crawl out of here, because it's the most ridiculous, pathetic thing, to meet like that after all that time, and after all that happened.
But then, the initial panic is replaced by something else, something with a bitter, tingling taste of anger.
He has been hiding for way too long, from his emotions, his memories, his city. And at this moment, he feels like he's done. He's done with running away, and if he has to revisit those old wounds, he will do so, and he will take it with as much dignity as he can muster.
With one more deep breath, he stands up.
"What can I get you?" he asks, with a voice so venomously sweet it wouldn't fool anyone, but he's extremely glad he's pulling it off, because the moment his gaze falls on a man standing in front of him, his newfound composure wavers a little.
Jack so desperately wants to pretend that he's looking at someone else. That it's just some guy, with curly hair and tanned complexion, with sharp features and eyes in a pretty shade of brown.
If there was another life, in some another universe, it could be a beginning of a story. It could be a better one. With a proper ending, maybe.
But it's here and now, faced with a story that used to be so good, and Jack can't pretend it's not Rayane. Can't pretend he doesn't know him, doesn't remember his scent or the soft skin on the inside of is upperarm.
What he can do, though, is try to pretend that he doesn't feel anything at all.
"What can I get you?" he repeats, dropping the sweet act from before, but managing to keep his voice steady, somehow.
He remembers very well how Rayane takes his coffee usually, just another stupid thing he wishes he has forgotten.
"Jack." Rayane says, and it resembles more a of a breathless sigh than anything else, "You're..." he stops mid sentence, and it Jack's can't help but notice that his cheeks turn pale and his eyes widen, lines around them deepening, speaking of tirnedness and many sleepless hours.
He looks miserable, too exhausted for his years, and yet he's still so beautiful, and Jack's heart clenches so painfully he actually can't breathe. His lips part, and he inhales way too loudly; Rayane flinches, looking bewildered, and Jack just knows it's going to turn terribly ugly in a moment.
"Hi, I'm back, thank you so much!" Marie appears by his side, smiling widely and looking in higher spirit than before, "What do you-"
"If you could take it from here, I will be right back." Jack says, his throat tightening.
And then, he basically runs away.
He's not sure how he actually makes it outside, but suddenly he's in a back alley, bending over with his hands resting on his knees, choking on air.
"You good, mate?" the voice is heavily accented to the point of being barely understadable, but Jack raises his head, and sees who must be a delivery driver, looking at him with both confusion and concern.
Oh, Jack isn't okay. When was the last time he was truly, fully okay?
"Ah." the guy nods slowly, reaching to a pocket of his work pants and taking a small box out, "Want one?"
Jack had a couple of cigarettes in the past, mostly when he was that specific kind of drunk and when someone offered. He doesn't really feel like having one now, but yet he takes it, and leans in when the guy flickers his lighter.
"Godspeed." he says, giving Jack a short salute before getting into his car and backing out of the alley.
Jack leans against the building wall heavily and closes his eyes, bringing the cigarette to his lips. It's disgusting, but it does help him with controlling his breathing a bit, and his hearbeat calms down to a much healthier rhythm.
Back in the day, after Rayane disappeared without a word, Jack would give everything for a chance to speak with him. Or just to see him, make sure he's okay. Now, Jack wishes he could go back to just not knowing where he was, if he was even alive.
It was terrible. And now, it's devastating, to see Rayane just like that, and still feel so clueless and broken.
But in the end, they're just echoes of who they used to be.
There's a strong part of him that demands to know what happened, and he feels a strong pull to go back inside and confront Rayane, to scream and let out all the anger and sadness and frustration he has been feeling for the last couple of years.
But another part of him just wants to let go. He's so, so tired of being unable to let go.
"You picked smoking?"
Jack's eyes fly open, and there he is, standing a couple of metres away, and Jack's chest instantly feels so full, like he's about to burst open.
And then, anger bubbles inside him like venom.
"Really?" he snorts, "That's the first thing you're saying to me?"
Rayane shifts uncomfortably, averting his gaze for a moment before looking at Jack again, and his expression is tight with so many emotions Jack starts to feel a little sick.
"I think you could have started with something like, 'hi Jack, sorry for dissappearing on you without a word and way to contact me, I got abducted by aliens'. Or whatever lie you have in store."
Rayane flinches as if he got punched, and Jack feels some weird kind of satisfaction at that.
"I-" Rayane says, taking a small step forward and then stopping, his throat clenching visibly, "It's not like... I'm really so-"
"Don't say you're sorry." Jack says harshly, dropping the cigarette butt to the ground and stomping on it angrily, "Just, tell me one thing." he doesn't even think about what he's saying, spitting words as the appear on the tip of his tongue, "Was it fucking worth it?"
Rayane's face becomes a picture of pure pain, and there's a tiny yet sharp sting inside of Jack, a thorn from way back when, when he would have done everything to make Rayane smile. And it's still here, the memory of how strong Jack used to love.
But he can't allow it now. He wouldn't survive getting hurt again, not by Rayane, not like that.
"It had to be that way." Rayane says, his voice barely above the whisper, and just like that, Jack feels like every emotions leaves his body, and he leans against the wall again, his head starting to spin.
He lets his eyes close, and he doesn't know what he wishes for, except for being able to not think nor feel anything.
"I'm really sorry." Rayane's voice is soft and quiet, and that's all he says before Jack hears his footsteps.
He keeps his eyes close, refusing to watch Rayane walk away from his life once again.