Chapter Text
Ben looked at the window and watched the passing car lights reflect. He just stood there before rubbing his eyes with his palms. He laughed, his laughter was tinged with a touch of bitterness, as if he was mocking the absurdity of his situation rather than finding anything genuinely funny. As he continued to laugh, the sound grew softer and more melancholic.
He was overwhelmed with a mix of emotions. Initially, he felt a profound sense of shock and disbelief, unable to fully grasp the reality of Rey’s sudden departure.
He felt a sharp pain in his chest, as if his heart had been shattered into pieces. Alongside the sorrow, there was a surge of anger and frustration, not just at Rey for leaving, but also at himself. This whirlwind of emotions left Ben feeling lost and confused, grappling with a sense of helplessness and yearning for answers. But he already knew the answers.
He struggled to hold back his tears. His jaw clenched tightly as he took deep, shaky breaths, trying to maintain his composure. His eyes, though slightly narrowed in an effort to keep the tears at bay, were glossy and brimmed with unshed tears, making them appear more reflective under the light. He blinked rapidly, as if attempting to clear the moisture away, but the tears stubbornly pooled at the corners of his eyes.
His lips were pressed into a thin, trembling line, betraying the intensity of his emotions. Each time he swallowed, it was evident he was pushing down a lump in his throat, his breath hitching slightly in the process.
Despite his best efforts, a single tear escaped, sliding down his cheek, leaving a glistening trail.
“Fuck me.” Ben growled and sat on Rey’s and Ren’s favorite spot on the window seat. He looked down onto the sidewalk. Hoping to catch them walking by. All he saw was a stray black cat.
It stopped and looked up at Ben and snarled before it ran away.
He blinked, trying to figure out what just happened. But he sat there, numb and devastated. Every detail of the moment he cheated flashed before him with painful clarity, and he was disgusted with himself.
Ben reached for his phone in his pocket but the opening screen had no notifications besides Joy’s.
Speaking of Joy, Ben deleted her messages and blocked her.
Days passed by in a blur for Ben as he struggled to cope with Rey's and Ren’s departure. Each morning, he woke up with a heavy heart, feeling the absence of their presence. His tasks became mechanical and devoid of meaning, as if he were going through the motions without truly engaging with the world around him.
At work, he found it difficult to concentrate, his mind constantly drifting back to memories of Rey. He often stared blankly at his computer screen, losing track of time. Colleagues noticed his distant demeanor, but he brushed off their concerns with short responses.
Evenings were the hardest. The silence of their empty home was suffocating, a constant reminder of what he had lost. Every corner reminding him of the life they once shared.
He tried distracting himself with work and the gym, but nothing held his interest for long. His appetite waned, and he lost interest in activities he once enjoyed.
Sleep came fitfully, plagued by dreams of Rey and restless awakenings in the middle of the night.
Ben's social life dwindled as he withdrew from friends. Hux had shares his concerns but he shrugged him away. Assuring him that he would be fine. Hux had told him that he did not need to attend the wedding if he couldn’t bear it. Ben promised to be there regardless.
He found some solace in long walks, where he could remember the walks with Ren and Rey. Despite the passage of time, the pain of Rey's absence remained fresh, leaving Ben feeling isolated and adrift.
One specific morning, Joy had shown up to The Republic to drop off papers for their shareholding meeting. He spotted her making her way towards his office—his reaction was one of intense panic and guilt. His heart immediately sank. His pulse quickened, and a cold sweat broke out on his forehead.
Ben stood up from his desk as she entered his office and closed the door behind her. His expression a mix of anger and desperation.
His voice was low and tense as he spoke to her, “What are you doing here?” he leaned over his desk with his arms.
Joy approached the desk and stood in front of the desk, smiling at him, “Good morning.”
He was trying to keep his emotions in check, “We both know that dropping off papers is not your job. What are you doing here?”
“I thought I'd surprise you. We haven't seen each other in a while, considering you blocked me.”
Ben ran a hand through his hair, clearly agitated, “What we had was a mistake. I took for granted what I had.”
He kept looking at the door, paranoid that someone might be by the door and hear them. Or possibly the door opening.
“If you were really happy with her, you wouldn’t have even batted an eye at me.” She crossed her arms across her chest.
He closed his eyes and sighed, "You need to leave now."
His mind was a whirlwind of regret and fear, knowing that this unexpected visit could unravel the fragile semblance of normalcy he was trying to maintain. Ben’s mind raced with thoughts of what can happen and, more importantly, the impact this could have on any chance of reconciliation with Rey.
“You owe me.” She uncrossed her arms and leaned on the desk, her face getting closer to his.
“I don’t owe you shit.” He chuckled and stood up properly.
“I convinced my father to invest in your mother’s company. This company was going to shit.”
“I did not ask you. Me hooking up with you was not for a debt I owed.”
“Then what was it, Ben?”
Ben frowned, “I told you, it was a mistake. I should have never let you back in my life, whatever we had in college should’ve have stayed there.”
Joy let out a sarcastic laugh, “Didn’t the adrenaline excite you? I saw the way your pupils dilated when you would fuck me.”
Ben felt his stomach churn and made his way around the desk. Grabbing her by the arm and guided her to the door, his grip firm and his face set in a stern frown.
He opened the door and let her go, “Leave.”
She huffed “I’m going to make you regret this.” With that, she turned on her heel and walked herself out.
Once she finally left, Ben rubbed his face with both of his hands. A mix of relief and lingering dread. He took a moment to compose himself before returning to his desk, but the incident left him shaken, the weight of his actions pressing down on him more heavily than ever.
Hux and Gwen’s wedding day had finally arrived.
As Ben got ready for the wedding, where he was to stand as the best man, he felt a heavy mix of emotions. The mirror reflected a well-dressed man, but his eyes betrayed his inner turmoil. He carefully adjusted his tie, his movements precise but mechanical, his mind wandering back to Rey.
The usual excitement and honor of being a best man were overshadowed by the lingering sadness and regret that had become his constant companions.
His heart ached with the emptiness and every smile he practiced felt forced and hollow.
He tried to focus on the happiness of the day, but memories of happier times with Rey kept intruding, making it hard to maintain his composure. The anticipation of the wedding felt bittersweet; he wanted to be there for them, but the thought of celebrating love while his own heart was broken seemed almost unbearable.
As he fastened the cufflinks Rey had given him, a pang of sorrow hit him. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, knowing he had a role to play.
He couldn't afford to let his personal pain overshadow his duties as best man. Yet, beneath the polished exterior, Ben felt like he was barely holding it together, each step toward the door seemed longer.
He hoped deep in his heart, that Rey would be present at the wedding. His heart began to race.
He imagined how beautiful she would look, and the mere thought brought both pain and hope. He wanted to apologize, to explain, to somehow make things right, but he also feared her rejection and the hurt in her eyes. He worried about how she would react to seeing him, and how he would handle his own emotions in her presence.
Would she talk to him? Would she ignore him? Would she be there with someone else? The uncertainty gnawed at him, making it hard to focus on his duties as best man. He tried to prepare himself for any possible scenario.
He finally reached the front door and made his way into his car. He took a deep breath in and tried to clear his mind. But the thought of seeing Rey again loomed over him like a storm cloud, filling him with a mixture of hope, fear, and unresolved sorrow.
Ben stood at the front of the venue, his posture straight and his expression composed, trying to fulfill his role as best man. As the ceremony began, he focused on maintaining a calm exterior, his hands clasped in front of him to keep them from trembling.
The happiness of the occasion was palpable, his mind preoccupied with thoughts of Rey.
His eyes subtly scanned the crowd, searching for the familiar face among the guests. Each time someone new walked in or shifted in their seat, his heart would momentarily leap, only to sink again when it wasn’t her. The distraction made it hard for him to fully engage in the ceremony; he missed some of the vows and had to remind himself to smile and appear attentive.
He wondered what he would say if he saw her, how he would apologize, and whether she would even listen.
As the vows were exchanged, Ben's eyes flicked to the entrance one last time, his heart pounding with a mix of hope and dread. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to focus on Hux and Gwen, trying to push thoughts of Rey to the back of his mind. He had to stay composed, at least until he could drink himself away at the bar.
Despite his best efforts, the ache of Rey's absence and the fear of her potential presence made it a struggle for Ben to hold himself together. Barely managing to maintain the façade of calmness while inside, his emotions churned relentlessly.
He snapped back to reality when he heard the crowd clapping, he felt his lips curl up into a smile, he was happy for them. Truly.
His hands started to clap, almost on autopilot. The noise around him felt both comforting and overwhelming, a stark contrast to the silence he felt inside. Ben forced himself to stay present, focusing on the couple and their joy, trying to push away the lingering thoughts.
Cocktail hour had passed, the couple made their entry, and there he was-- siitting at the table with other colleagues from The Republic. He briefly ate the food that was being served, and sipped on his glass of water. He didn’t realize how much had time passed until Hux had patted him on the back.
“You alright?” Hux asked.
Ben nodded, “I’m fine. What do you need?”
Hux gave him a concerned look.
“Don’t look at me like that. I’m fine.”
Hux sighed, “Well it’s time for speeches. Maid of honor is about to finish hers. You’re up next.” With that, he patted Ben on the back one last time before walking away.
Ben stood up and finished his water. He heard the room clapping in unison, letting him know that the maid of honor had finished. He walked towards the middle of the dance floor to give his best man speech, his heart pounded with a mix of anxiety and lingering sorrow. Grabbing the microphone from her, he adjusted the microphone, his palms sweaty, and took a deep breath to steady himself.
The room quieted, and all eyes were on him, but his own gaze kept drifting around the crowd, still searching for Rey.
"Good evening, everyone," Ben began, his voice slightly shaky. "For those of you who don't know me, I'm Ben, Hux's best man and lifelong friend."
He forced a smile, trying to focus on his speech. "Hux and I have been through a lot together, and I've had the honor of watching him grow into the red-haired guy he is today.”
As he spoke, his eyes continued to scan the room, hoping to catch a glimpse of Rey. Each time he saw a familiar face, his heart would leap, only to sink again when it wasn't her. He struggled to keep his thoughts on Hux and Gwen, but the anticipation and worry about seeing Rey clouded his mind.
"I remember when Hux first told me about meeting you," Ben said, addressing Gwen. "He couldn't stop talking about how much of an asshole you were but he would tell me how graceful you would present yourself. He would complain everyday but he was always in awe about you. I always knew you two were perfect for each other. He needed someone to humble him.” He heard chuckles coming across from the room.
He paused, his eyes flicking to the back of the room. Still no sign of her. Ben took another deep breath, and cleared his throat. "Marriage is about partnership and support, about being there for each other through the good times and the bad. Even with shit hits the fan."
His voice wavered slightly as he thought of his own failed relationship with Rey. "It's about love and trust, and I have no doubt that the two of you will navigate this journey together beautifully."
The crowd smiled and nodded, but Ben's mind was elsewhere. He finished his speech with a toast, raising his glass high. "To Hux and Gwen. May your life together be filled with endless love, petty arguments, and happiness. Cheers!"
As the guests applauded, Ben's eyes swept the room one last time. He sat down at the bar, his heart heavy, still hoping to see Rey and wondering if he'd ever get the chance to make things right. He signaled at the bartender; his responsibilities have officially ended.
Ben found himself at the bar, nursing a drink and trying to numb the ache inside. He was lost in his thoughts, staring into the glass. Taking a deep breath, he turned away from the bar, his heart pounding in his chest.
And then he saw her.
Rey was sitting alone at a far table in a red dress, her presence standing out amid the bustling crowd. Their eyes locked, and for a moment, everything else faded away. It felt like it was just the two of them. Ben's breath caught in his throat as a whirlwind of emotions surged within him—hope, regret, longing, a small amount of nausea, and fear all mixed together.
Her expression was unreadable, a mix of curiosity and guardedness. Ben's mind raced. His heart ached with the weight of unspoken apologies and the pain of their separation. He could see the hurt in her eyes, the same hurt he had felt every day since she left.
The noise of the reception buzzed in the background, but Ben felt detached from it, his focus solely on Rey. His fingers tightened around his drink as he took a hesitant step forward, then paused, uncertain of how to proceed. The distance between them felt both small and overwhelming, a chasm filled with the consequences of his actions. The noise seemed to dim, and the space between them felt both incredibly vast and unbearably close.
He swallowed hard, forcing himself to maintain eye contact, hoping she could see the remorse in his eyes. The moment stretched on, heavy with the weight of their shared history and the uncertain future. Ben's heart pounded in his chest, each beat echoing with the silent plea for a chance to make things right.
Summoning his courage, Ben took a step forward, his movements tentative and unsure. He knew this was a chance to try to make things right, or at least to begin the process of healing. As he moved through the crowd, his eyes never left hers, drawn to her like a magnet.
He feared that she would stand up and rush out the closest exit, but she never retreated.
Each step felt like a mile, his heart pounding louder with every second.
"Rey," he said softly, his voice barely audible over the noise of the reception.
Rey never removed his eyes from him, her expression guarded. For a moment, she said nothing, and Ben feared she might run away.
Then she nodded slightly, "Ben." she replied, her voice calm.
He pulled out the seat next to her “May I?”
Rey simply nodded and took a sip from her cocktail.
Ben sat down, his hands trembling slightly as he clasped them together on the table. He searched for the right words, feeling the weight of everything he needed to say.
"I—” He had to clear his throat, “I've missed you," he began, his voice filled with raw emotion. "I know I have no right to say that after everything I've done, but it's the truth. Rey, I'm so sorry for everything."
Rey studied him for a moment, her eyes reflecting a mix of emotions—pain, disappointment, and a of sorrow. "Ben, sorry doesn't fix what happened," she said quietly.
"You broke my trust, and that's not something that can be easily mended."
"I know," Ben replied, his voice cracking.
"I know I hurt you deeply, and I regret it every single day. I made a terrible mistake, and I've been living with that guilt ever since. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I need you to know how much I regret what I did."
Rey looked down at her hands, her fingers tracing the edge of the tablecloth. "Why did you do it, Ben?”
Ben took a deep breath, the question hitting him hard. "I was selfish and stupid. I let my hormones get the best of me, and I didn't appreciate what I had until it was too late. I know that doesn't excuse my actions, but it's the truth. Losing you has made me realize just how much I messed up."
Rey's eyes met his again, softer this time, but still wary. "I loved you, Ben. I trusted you with my heart, and you broke it. I don't know if I can ever trust you again."
"I understand," Ben said, his voice choked with emotion. "I can't undo the past, maybe on the flipside you’ll let me make things right again. Even if it means just being friends, or if you never want to see me again. I just needed you to know how deeply sorry I am."
There was a long pause, the weight of Ben's words hanging in the air. Finally, Rey spoke, her voice gentle but firm.
"It's going to take time, Ben. A lot of time. Trust isn't something that can be rebuilt overnight."
Ben nodded, relief and sadness washing over him simultaneously. "I understand, Rey. And I'll wait as long as it takes. Thank you for giving me a chance to apologize."
Rey nodded, "We'll see, Ben. We'll see."
They both sat next to each other for the rest of the night.
The sounds of the reception—laughter, clinking glasses, and soft music—faded into the background. Both of them lost in their thoughts. Neither of them daring to make eye contact. Just simply stared at the guests having a good time.
A comfortable silence that served as their communication—a shared moment of reflection and unspoken emotions.
The reception began to wind down and the last of the guests began to filter out, the atmosphere began to turn into a quieter, more somber mood. The music had faded, replaced by the soft hum of conversations and the clinking of glasses being cleared away. Neither of them even noticed when Hux and Gwen had left.
Ben and Rey remained at their table, both acutely aware that the time to go their separate ways was approaching.
Rey gathered her belongings and stood up slowly, her movements deliberate, as if she too was reluctant to leave.
Ben rose to his feet, his eyes finally meeting hers. "Rey," he began, his voice gentle, "thank you for allowing me to sit next to you tonight. It meant more than you know."
Rey nodded, her expression softening slightly, "Of course."
Ben swallowed the lump in his throat. "I just hope that maybe, one day-- I can catch you again."
“Maybe on the flipside.” Rey responded; her tone uncertain but not dismissive.
They stood there for a moment longer, the silence between them—a mutual acknowledgement that they were still on separate journeys, but that their paths hadn't fully closed off to each other.
Ben took a small step back, giving her space. "See you on the flipside, Rey," he said softly, his eyes filled with regret and lingering affection.
"Bye Ben," Rey replied, her voice steady but laced with an underlying sadness.
With that, Rey turned and began to walk away, her steps slow and deliberate. Ben watched her go, his heart aching with every step she took.
As Rey reached the exit, she paused for a brief moment, carefully glancing back at Ben. Their eyes met one last time across the distance, a silent exchange of emotions and a final, unspoken goodbye for the night. In the blink of an eye, she stepped out into the night, disappearing from view.
Ben stood there for a moment, feeling the emptiness settle. He took a deep breath, letting the reality of their separation sink in. The party was over, and with it, the brief connection they had shared tonight.
Fuck, he should’ve asked about the dog.