Chapter Text
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For det igjen ga aldri, det smilet eg ga deg
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“You're an especially persistent little buggy-bug today, Bug.” Tony noted as she pushed his sandwich in front of his face for the third time, not even sighing in irritation as he pushed it back again.
“I'm having A Week.” Darcy smiled and pushed the sandwich under his nose again.
He pushed it back, frowning at the little chip he was soldering on.
Darcy kept up the little game of lunch ping-pong until he put the little soldering iron down and took the opportunity to steal his work-goggles.
“Eat your lunch and I'll give these back.” She chirped as she walked away, smiling to herself as she saw Tony reach into his drawer to get a new pair of goggles, only to find his juice there instead.
“You little-”
“Avengers team-workout is in an hour, so eat up quick if you wanna work on it before Rhodey tires you out.” Darcy called back before replacing Jane's empty juice box and setting her pee-break timer for 30 minutes. She looked over at Tony and saw him trying to wield without safety goggles, only to be stumped by FRIDAY’s safety-override. Sighing, he bit into his sandwich like it was the last thing he wanted on earth, and she saw the pain on his face when he realised he actually liked it. Stubborn three year old.
She'd be throwing out his crusts later.
She lingered around Bruce's desk long after he'd gotten his tea and curry. Bruce was the best at taking care of himself, so any lingering or badgering during lunch time was unusual. He calmly finished what he was working on and took off his gloves before turning to her.
“Mind if I eat my lunch with you?” Darcy asked, holding up her own sandwich.
“Not at all,” Bruce smiled and gestured to the open chair across his desk. He, unlike Jane and Tony, had encouraged her when she had given them extra desks only for paperwork and eating. Then again he did work with samples that could easily be contaminated and he did know what a science-experiment-gone-wrong could lead to. Jane had also been enthusiastic, but most of her work was writing down her theories on any surface so...
“I thought you were eating with Barnes today. It’s Monday, right?” Bruce started, she could see he was mildly suspicious of her intentions. Also he was apparently another person on her shit-list for not making her attentive to the fact that she was basically dating Bucky Barnes. But she was on a different mission right now, and he was right to be suspicious.
“Oh I am, but we’re meeting later. I am a hobbit anyway. Gotta get my elevenses now and then my lunch and early dinner later. I just finished my 2nd breakfast in my office, so…”
He smiled a little and picked up his fork.
She sat down at his neat lunch corner and took a few bites of her sandwich, making small talk until he was halfway through his lunch before approaching the subject.
“Hill gave me all the Hulk insurance claims.” She blurted out. Bruce raised his eyebrows in mock surprise and sipped his tea before prodding her along.
“Most of them are bogus, bad photoshop, car-shaped dents, etcetera. But a few of them are not as easy to disprove.” She opened her purse and slipped out the thin file she'd composed the night before.
“These,” she flipped it open and showed him the three claims with red tags, “are legit claims. Claims from Vision's birthday and that one Avenger mission where you broke through some walls and then ruined the barn on the farm next to it. They are all being handled by our legal team and funded by Stark Industries. Since technically they are all his fault.”
Bruce frowned at the last part.
“Honestly they are. He told you to trash the barn because he thought it was a hideout, until Barton pointed out that it looked like it was a fully functioning barn. And I think Veronica did all the damage to the other ones. All I need is your signature here and here.” she showed him.
She quickly moved on as Bruce put his fork down and stared at his lap.
“I'm sorry about this, you should be able to eat your lunch. I can come back another time?”
“No,” he sighed, “it's fine.” He took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. “The last one? With the yellow tags?” He gestured to the thick remaining file as he pulled the red tagged towards him and started signing.
“This is the one I couldn't disprove.” She pulled it out. “It’s either insanely well photoshopped. I even tried hacking into the pictures digitally but it's all scanned pictures from disposable cameras. Or its damages from other huge creatures or natural disasters. Anyway, they are from the time you went AWOL. Now, I have a level 7 clearance here, and information about that is level 9... Hill and Rogers are both level 8 so I think level 9 is just code for 'only Bruce and maybe Tony...'”
Bruce sighed again, confirming her suspicion. She nodded.
“If you can prove you were any other places than here or that you didn't Hulk out then we can pick these apart. If not then we will pay for the claims and it will be done in the open, we will even give a short statement in our PR releases because unlike SHIELDRA we do stuff in the open now. Be warned though I did see something about the new legislation and General Ross in there.”
Bruce stared at the file, not answering.
“I am sorry for this,” Darcy said, hand hovering over his shoulder before she patted it softly, even squeezing a little, before she gathered the signed files and stood to leave. “I really am sorry…” She deliberated for a second before thinking screw it , this was that kind of day.
“Although I still feel like you should have taken some responsibility for your actions instead of leaving Tony all alone with the blame for Ultron.”
He looked up at her, looking like she'd just slapped him.
“I'm dealing with these,”she continued and nodded towards the files still on his desk “ you get that to me by the end of the week. And if you ever want to talk about guilt for things out of your control, then we have several people who specialize in PTSD and brainwashing/mind control and regaining control. If you want to talk about guilt for something you actually did have a handle on, then we have an excellent team of therapists for that too.”
He looked like he was about to argue back, or maybe scream at her, but she knew he'd never Hulk-out over her comments, so she simply crossed her arms and continued.
“It's been months and everybody's been walking on eggshells since you returned, but Bucky pointed out to me that being friends means we get the privilege of calling out each other's bullshit. I like to think of us as friends, Bruce, but I am also friends with Tony, and emotionally stunted though he is, I know it hurt him when you left.” She spun on her heel and walked back to her office, glanced at her phone, bit her lip and walked back to his desk, laid her palms flat on his files and leaned low so that no cameras would see her mouth and no lab assistants would overhear them.
“And when you are done with your self wallowing and ready to pick yourself up, be a happy person again... well. Betty's been trying to get in touch with you since before I started working the phones here. You should give her a call.”
She was saved from seeing Bruce's miserable face and endless sulking by Maria Hill paging her to her office.
She gathered all the claims and paperwork before she made her way to the more mission-oriented part of the mansion. She made sure to stop by agent Jameson and leave the general lab paperwork, she was not one for unnecessary exercise and walking the expanse of the mansion once in a day was more than enough.
Feeling productive and content with how her life was slowly falling into place, piece by piece, task by task and conversation by conversation, she knocked on Hill’s door and braced herself.
She did not expect to have the door opened for her by Steve, looking stoic as ever, barely glancing over her before turning back to Hill. Just like that he was back to early Post-Breakup Steve, like months ago, completely ignoring her existence. Darcy felt the content feeling from moments ago ebb out only to be replaced by a mighty rage.
She’d come out for a good time and was honestly feeling so attacked right now. She’d have to text Bucky that after this meeting. He’d love that. He’d use it when they met up for lunch in an hour, and she forced him to try the reheated room-grot she’d saved for him.
“Lewis, great!” Hill said, looking up from her tablet, “have a seat.”
Darcy sat, wondering why Steve was staring daggers into the plant behind Hill. He didn’t blame her for his break up, right?
“How’s the incident reports coming along?” Hill started casually, way too casually. Hill was usually more of a let’s-get-down-to-business kinda gal.
“All but one sorted. I have an algorithm up and running for the easily disproved ones and Bruce signed these,” she dropped the folder onto Hill’s desk, ”He’s going over the one I can’t disprove from his AWOL vay-kay now.”
Hill nodded and laid her tablet in front of Darcy. “Could you sign here?”
“What is it?” Darcy picked up the tablet and skimmed over the page.
“Barnes has requested being cleared for the field,” Darcy nodded at this, they’d discussed it numerous times at length. “He’s starting with team exercises and training, followed by a few undercovers with Black Widow before he is cleared for solo assignments. He was not happy with the time table and as a compromise he is allowed to do a few low risk recon and surveillance missions alone. We usually send one of our level 4 agents for those, but since SHIELD is pretty much scraps and the workload is colossal for the people we’ve got, nobody’s complained.”
Steve shifted, apparently somebody had complained, and she was willing to bet he was standing three feet behind her .
“In fact,” Maria continued louder, with a pointed glare to Steve, “they were ecstatic and Barnes is gearing up to leave for a three day assignment as we speak.”
Darcy’s head snapped up. Bucky was leaving? Without saying? After he promised he’d stay? Is this because she was't ready? Does he need a break like Sharon? Maybe-
She looked back to the tablet and cleared her throat before looking back to Hill.
“Alright. He’s still here then?” She asked, already slipping her phone out of her pocket to text him.
“Yes, he asked me to send you to mission prep after this meeting. I just need your signature first.” Hill tapped the tablet and Steve sighed again. “He asked if you could be his home base contact. You get immediate notification about any med evacs, any SNAFU’s and any extended missions or changed mission objective. You also get access to his files, to medical if he’s submitted and to his personal quarters in his absence. Should there be any misconceptions about his health or mental state then you are to be consulted before making a decision. He gives this responsibility to you because he feels you are one of the two people in the world who knows him best, but also, and I am quoting him directly here,” Hill picked up a post-it and read in a monotone voice; “‘less pig-headed, reckless and better suited for this than Stevie, who is a punk that doesn’t know how to use a parachute and still didn’t even get his driver's license.’ The last bit is unsettling and shall be addressed at the earliest convenience.” Hill shot down any protest Steve might have made with a pre-emptive glare and raised eyebrow.
Darcy looked down at the tablet, slipped her phone back into her pocket and took the tablet pen out of the sleeve.
She remembered some conversations she’d had with Bucky not too long ago. He’d asked her about insane and stupid scenarios and she’d told him how she would handle them. She really didn’t know what haggling a set fish price had to do with this but she’d had a faint feeling that it was a test of some kind. She guessed this means she’d passed.
“Understand that this is not a common position we put a civilian in, no matter how high level they are. Usually this will be the position for a handler, but seeing as his last handlers were HYDRA and didn’t have his best interest at heart, this was another of our compromises. If you are ready to sign…?” Hill hinted, shuffling around papers to show that she did not have all day.
Darcy still took a minute to process. A warm feeling spread through her chest. The same feeling she had come to associate with Bucky, with Thor and Jane. With home and her favourite sweater. It was love. It was family. This was Bucky showing her that no matter what she chose, he was not giving her an ultimatum. He loved her. She was free to stay his friend for eternity, she was free to do whatever (and whomever) she pleases, and she would still remain a permanent fixture in his life. His home base contact.
Home.
She signed without further hesitation, knowing whatever burden accompanied this was worth it.
Hill then had Steve sign as honorary family, and though Darcy could see his jaw work in agitation, she felt too light to be dragged down by his sour demeanor.
Hill scrolled through the documents and kicked them out of her office.
Steve immediately strutted off towards the stairs, and Darcy was tempted to just let him go, but after a 3 second battle with the part of her who wanted to run down the hall to mission prep, she growled, scaring a junior agent who was walking past her, before she ran after him.
“Steve!” She half shouted, fully aware of the bullpen of spies spying.
She reached him on the first landing, almost colliding with his back as he suddenly stopped.
“You should have refused!” Steve half shouted back as he turned on her, crossing his arms and scowling at her with all his American might.
“What?” She was confused.
“Being his handler is something far above your level and you should have refused, let me take over.”
She narrowed her eyes at him.
“No.” She crossed her arms as well, not making nearly as an impressive figure as him, but she knew she could be just as stubborn. “Did you not listen to anything in that meeting? Steve, you absolute dick! Bucky chose me. In case you do not remember, him exercising his freedom of choice is a pretty, fucking, huge deal.”
Steve looked much like Bruce had less than an hour ago, but Darcy was nothing if not a quick study and watching Maria Hill conduct a meeting without Steve muttering a single comment had been inspiring.
“Shut up, Steve. This has nothing to do with you or your ability to take care of Bucky! This is not you losing Bucky again! I know the timing is shit, with the little stupid discussion you had Saturday, and Sharon leaving and everything! But Bucky has always been, and will always be your best friend!”
“Why did he chose you for H ome base contact? ” Steve sneered the words at her. “What can you do if HYDRA takes him or he is triggered or he needs backup?! You gonna tase HYDRA? Are ya gonna hold him down while the Winter Soldier tries to strangle you?! Are you gonna run into open fire and have his back when things go FUBAR?!” He’d gone quieter now, obviously mad, but just in enough control to keep the agents and spies around the corner in mind.
“No, idiot!” Darcy yelled back, because she this had been a really big and emotionally loaded 48 hours and she did not have enough control over her voice to keep it lowered. “I won’t have to because he’s gonna have his team, his partner and his Captain for all that. I’m gonna be the person stuck in mission control looking at the monitor, checking for changes and waiting without being able to do anything about it. I’m going to be the stay-at-home mom while you go out and fix everything!” She was crying now, again. Big, fat crocodile tears were running down her face and she could feel the splotchy, angry blush work its way up her neck and over her cheeks.
“The reason why he chose me was because he knows I can be rational enough to use a fucking parachute before jumping out the goddamn airplane. Because he knows I’ll be here for him and because you don’t do well if you’re not actually doing something! He knows us, Steve and he loves us, both of us. And I’ll be damned if I let you disrespect his decision.” Her chest was heaving and and she angrily pushed her glasses up on the top of her head as they started fogging a bit on the sides and the tears started gathering on the rim.
Steve had positively shrunk during her rant, deflated and lowered his head. Good, she thought. He needs to go fix his problems and they start with him.
She sighed and sloppily wiped her cheeks, gosh all she wanted was to run to mission prep. She wanted to run to mission prep so bad. Just run and throw herself in Bucky’s arms and complain in monosyllabic noises of frustrations. He’d get it. He’d support her, he’d be proud of all she had accomplished in the past few hours. But she needed to deal with this first.
“I know this is shit timing Steve,” she started, a bit softer this time, waiting until he met her eyes before she continued. “I know this is not the first time someone’s told you that you’re a soldier out of war, but maybe take some of that to heart? You lost everything, but now you’ve got so much, and you don’t even realise it because you are too busy fighting through everything and ignoring your mourning.” She sighed again and tentatively reached for his hand. He stepped back, out of her reach and she rolled her eyes and followed, this time forcing him to accept it.
“We used to be friends, Steve. We used to date . And I would have been fine with you breaking up with me because we weren’t working, because we weren’t. But you didn’t have to completely cut me out of your life like that. It was a dick move and I struggled with the way you made me feel after that for the longest time. So, you know, fuck you.”
He looked guiltily to the floor, avoiding her gaze. “I had some pretty big self-confidence issues and a mini-identity crisis stemming from before I met you, but I latched onto you because I really liked you. When you dropped me like a hot potato, I had to face, well, myself and I didn’t really like that. But I’ve been working on it. I’m good, I’m fine. I have the support network I need and I have become more comfortable in my own skin. And I am ready to face my abandonment issues.”
She knew she was blabbering on and really could just stop and be done right there, before all the Avengers’ support staff and many agents milling about knew every damn detail about her life. But she was almost done.
“My point here,” she squeezed his hand and he met her eyes again, “we tried, we failed and that’s all there is to it. Our relationship, I mean. We were like the prototype, but we didn’t work so we broke up and now we got to work on ourselves before we are ready to be part of a committed relationship again. I had my issues and you have yours, and Steve, you are good and you are kind, and you have the right intentions, but you have issues. You have ghosts and you have this tendency to clam up and not accept any help from anybody!
"If you want someone to trust you with their lives and their problems and their heart, then you gotta trust them with yours. And if that means you gotta work through it before you are ready to share, then that is what I suggest you go do. Otherwise you’re gonna end up angry and alone and I know it would kill Bucky so please, don't just do it for yourself. Do it for him.”
She squeezed his hand again before she let go of it and moved away. “You have a lot of friends Steve. And we are here. We’re alive and we want to help. Let us.”
Steve frowned at his hand for a moment before clearing his throat and smiling a faint and haunted smile at her.
“Thank you, Darcy.” He said, looking down again. She nodded and was about to turn and run back up and over to mission prep when-
“Don’t you dare break his heart.”
She turned to Steve and her heart damn near broke at the awkward and uncertain way he was holding himself. She wrapped him in a short and tight hug before moving back.
“Wasn’t planning on it.” She smiled back, nodded once and ran up the stairs.
Half a minute later she burst through the door to mission prep, “Where is he?” She asked the nearest agent, who pointed to the gear room off to the side where Bucky was alone, packing his recon gear. Apparently nameless-nearest-agent knew she was here for Bucky. Again; how the fuck had she been so blind?!
She ran inside and closed the door behind her.
“Darce?” Bucky smiled, looking up at her. Then, taking in her disheveled hair, the mascara stains under red rimmed eyes and red blotches on her cheeks, his smile dropped and he looked concerned instead.
“Darcy?” He laid down his bag and took a step towards her, but he didn’t get any further before she’d already launched herself at him, one hand slung around his shoulder, gripping the fabric of his shirt and the other in his hair.
“Why are you cryinph-” He stuttered before she dragging his lips down to hers.
He reacted instantly, grabbing her waist and hauling her up to a more comfortable height, helping her wrap her legs around him as he enthusiastically kissed her in return.
She kissed him like it was the only thing keeping her sane, and honestly it was not that far from the truth. Her back hit the wall next to the door she’d just run through and she felt a thrill go through her as memories of his drunken grinding, only days before, flooded her mind. He groaned and his hips made little desperate thrusts into hers, making her shiver and break away from his lips. Forcing herself to take deep breaths as his lips were working over her pulse.
“A date.” She gasped as he dragged out the last thrust, his erection hitting just right through all the layers of clothing.
“What?” He asked, his metal hand holding her up and pinning her to the wall as his flesh hand made it’s way up under her shirt, skimming her stomach and ribs, making her shiver.
“Date,” she forced herself to say clearer, and his grinding slowed as he seemed to realise what they were doing and where they were doing it.
She swallowed heavily and let herself slide down slowly to her legs, savouring the way his hands clenched into fists and he took a steadying breath when she admittedly let her own hands and body linger on his.
“Not that this isn’t hot as fuck, but I don’t want to rush this.” She straightened his shirt and reached up to wipe the lipstick of the corner of his lips with her thumb. Her own chin and neck must also be the same shade of dark lilac.
He smirked and kissed the pad of her thumb, “not to complain or anything but this is far from rushed, doll. It’s been months in the making.” He still stepped back and smiled warmly at her though.
“Yeah, but you promised me swing dancing, and I’m in it for the long haul.”
“Good, that makes two of us,” he agreed and handed her a new hair tie from the collection on his wrist, kissing her cheek as she set her hair back up. “And If I remember correctly I practically had to beg you.”
She snorted and slapped the hand that was sneaking its way under her shirt again, loving the way his eyes lit up with playful mirth.
“I want the full Bucky experience. I wanna be wined and dined and end the evening on a high note… or three.” She bent to retrieve his bag and pushed it into his arms. “I can get quite loud once you get me going,” she winked. “See you when you get back.”
“Now that’s not fair.” She heard him whine as she closed the door behind her and made her way into the hallway, smiling brightly and waving at agent Jameson when he eyed the smudged lipstick on her chin and the wrinkled shirt.
She made it as far as the elevator at the end of the hall before he caught up with her, pushing her against the wall for a heated, but short, kiss.
He pinched her ass and stepped off, beaming as the doors started closing. She could see all he was feeling projected loud and clear across his face, and though he didn’t say anything and the elevator was about to shut she couldn’t help but whisper; “I love you, too.”
She barely caught the surprise on his face before the elevator shut and descended, and she didn’t even pretend to be surprised herself when the doors opened two floors down and he was waiting for her outside it.
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Og vær så snill kjære, bare si du vil ha meg
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