Chapter Text
Something is shuffling next to Mark when he wakes up. A soft breath of wind grazing his skin. A ball of hair laid peacefully in front of him, tousled from the pillow. He looks down at Donghyuck’s head, wondered what thoughts ran through it, if maybe he stared hard enough he could tap in and listen just to make sure there was no pain in them. If he was to have one superpower, that one might be it.
Donghyuck had turned around, wrapping his arm around Mark. His love language had always been physical touch. Mark had never been the biggest fan of it, but he’d gotten used to it eventually. Donghyuck’s face was hidden from him where he laid, but Mark could hear he was sleeping from his even breaths and the feeling of steady rise and fall of his body under his arm.
Tomorrow was the second to last concert of their tour and then they would finally get a break. They would get to go home, sleep in their own beds, follow their own routines, do nothing and everything. It would be good.
Lifting his hand, Mark looks at the watch on his wrist to check the time, 15.38. They had been sleeping for over an hour now. Somewhere in his pocket was his phone. Careful not to wake Donghyuck, he sneaks his arm between them to fish it out. A couple of new notifications littered his lockscreen, three from the Dreamies’ group chat and one from a manager.
The manager had let him know he had picked up their luggage, assuming they were asleep when no one answered the door. Jisung had asked them if they wanted to order food together later, Renjun had agreed so far.
Mark could use something to eat, he assumed Donghyuck would too.
___
15.40
Me and Donghyuck are down
He replied.
___
Renjun 15.40
Meet in an hour?
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15.40
Sounds good
Turning to lay on his back comfortably, Mark pulls up a mobile game to pass time. He had finished what might have been ten levels on Candy Crush by the time Donghyuck wakes up.
“Hungry?” Mark puts his phone down and looks at Donghyuck, his eyes still closed.
“Mhm.” Was the only response he got.
“Renjun and Jisung wanted to get something to eat. In around,” Mark looks at his watch, “thirty minutes. You want to join?”
Donghyuck turns around to lay on his back and stretches his arms.
“Okay” He nods while he shuffles around. “What’s the time?”
“Like, ten past four.” Mark looks down at him and meets his eyes.
“I’ll get ready then.” he tries a smile. Mark only nods in response before Donghyuck is sitting up and crawls out of the bed.
Mark watches as Donghyuck walks over to the bathroom, did he look thinner these days? Mark had always been good at overanalysing, but he knew it wouldn’t get him anywhere. He knows Donghyuck had lost weight, they all had. Mark shakes the thoughts from his mind, resolving to call their manager and ask for their luggage.
They met in Jisung’s and Jaemin’s room for dinner, Mark stomach growls loud when he sees the boxes of pizza waiting on the table. Renjun teases him for it and Mark slaps his shoulder lightly before he grabs a piece and eats it in record time. Considering the amount of workouts their tour had put on him with practices, performances and everything in between, Mark didn’t even think to consider a his diet. He could probably down an entire pizza in one sitting if he had the chance.
Their topic of conversation had moved to the tour, thinking out loud about the funny moments and the touching moments. Mark was so proud of all of them, his heart swelled when the memories of their concerts flashed in his mind.
“As much as I love performing, I honestly can’t wait to go home and just do nothing for a little while.” Renjun sighed. Mark nods in agreement, gulping down a can of soda.
“Break will be good yeah.” He answers. He hadn’t really had a proper break since his debut when he thought about it. Neither had Donghyuck.
“Oh my god my stomach is about to burst.” Jisung leaned back on his bed, hand on his stomach.
“Are you not going to have more?” Jaemin looks at Donghyuck, who so far had stayed pretty quiet.
“I’m not that hungry to be honest, had some snacks earlier.” He smiles. That’s a lie, Mark thinks to himself.
“Well I sure can’t take more, I’m stuffed.” Jaemin shrugs and lays down on the bed next to Jisung, cooing at him, Renjun joining him.
While the other three are busy Mark gets up to grab the last two pieces and sits next to Donghyuck. He nudges at his arm. “Come on, just take one. Don’t want it to go to waste.” His voice low enough for the others not to hear. Donghyuck doesn’t look up at him, hesitating.
“Please?” Mark presses.
Donghyuck doesn’t say anything, but takes a piece. Mark lets him eat in peace, not saying much as he eats his own.
He watches the sun slowly dipping into the horizon from the window, a fait orange light covered the buildings around them. If he wasn’t an idol, he would want to into photography. Mark saw beauty in everything, all little details and colours. The sunset outside the window framed by the curtains, his members’ dynamics, every single bit of reality in that moment held a feeling for Mark. He would capture it and treasure it forever, the life in those moments.
Eventually, they had all grown tired enough. Tomorrow was going to be a busy day for them, they all needed rest. Mark and Donghyuck are walking down the hallway to their room when Donghyuck spoke in a soft voice.
“You don’t need to worry hyung, really.” He continued walking with his head straight, staring ahead. Mark guessed he referred to the pizza-situation. The comment stirred up a mix of frustration and desperation in Mark.
“Don’t worry about me worrying or not.” Mark replies as softly as he could, reaching out to Donghyuck’s hand and holding it in his own. It’s warm and soft, just like Donghyuck had always been. “Okay?”
“Mhm.” Donghyuck didn’t say anything, but his hand in Mark’s tightening its grip just a little bit is acknowledgement enough.
He lets go when they got to their room, tapping his card and letting them in. Two suitcases were standing by the entrance, their manager must had brought them up while they were out. Mark tells Donghyuck he can use the bathroom first before he rolls the luggage into the room, one at the foot at Donghyuck’s bed and another at his.
Donghyuck’s is sitting by the bed right where he left it. Mark looks at it curiously, had he not picked that bag up earlier, not gotten Donghyuck’s glasses for him then he would have been none the wiser. Mark could have continued living in ignorance, Donghyuck living on with his secret. The possibility of that reality feels like possible nightmare.
Mark unpacks his suitcase putting his pyjamas and toiletries on the bed, before he sists down with his iPad. He starts searching the internet.
‘Helping someone with depression’
‘What to do when a friend has depression’
‘How long does depression last’
His browser slowly fills up with tabs, articles, forums, all kinds of websites full of advice and guidance. Mark takes it all in. He needs to know how to approach Donghyuck, how to make him comfortable, how he could help him. They had struggled together before, but for reasons he understood and could share with him. This was new territory for him.
The lock on the bathroom door clicks, and Donghyuck emerges quietly.
“Finished?” Mark asks him.
“Yup.” Donghyuck slumps down on his bed, on top of the covers messy from their nap earlier.
Mark walks to the bathroom for a quick shower, turning the heat up high to relax himself. He had read it was important for Donghyuck not to feel like a burden, that he needed to relax and not be so worried about him. Not an easy task for an overthinker like Mark.
Mark thumps onto his bed when he was finished, scrambling to get under the covers. When he turned off the bedside lamp, the only light in the room came from Donghyuck’s phone.
Mark looks across the room at Donghyuck, watching him take a pill and swallowing it down with water.
“How often do you take those?”
“Morning and evening.”
“Is that a lot?”
“Don’t know, first time using it so…” Donghyuck shrugs.
“Do they work? Or, like, how do they make you feel?” Mark worries if he was pressing too hard, but the words fell out from his mouth before he could think too much.
“Yeah, I function better with them. They make me feel okay, like happier, but it still feels artificial.” He puts the bottle of water down on the nightstand. “Hard to separate what is me and what is the meds, you know?”
“That makes sense I guess.” Mark looks up at the ceiling from where he lays in his bed. Donghyuck locks his phone and darkness fills the room.
“Good night Mark.” He mumbles.
Mark can’t close his eyes just yet, so many questions drifting around in his head. “Good night.” He breathes, and continues staring at the ceiling before he eventually falls asleep.