Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Hanbin woke up with a smile on his face. He would say that he was in general a pretty happy person, but these days his happiness had reached new heights. Hanbin has been in love before – at least that’s what he had thought – but no one had ever made him feel the way Hao did. Hanbin knew that at times he fell too far too fast but Hao and him oddly enough seemed to be running at the same pace.

He met Gyuvin on his way to the bathroom, his little brother obviously just having fallen out of bed himself.

“Hanbin, my favorite brother,” Gyuvin grinned at him, hair a mess on top of his head. “How do you feel about working the opening shift today? I know you miss the cafe and mom made fresh lemon pie today.”

Hanbin laughed as he ruffled through Gyuvin’s hair. “Nice try,” he told him. “But I have dance practice and then I’m meeting up with Matthew. Sorry.”

Gyuvin groaned, only making Hanbin laugh harder. He slipped into the bathroom before Gyuvin could get there first, getting ready for his day. When Hanbin met his parents in the kitchen to grab a bite for breakfast, his mom was already rolling out dough for dumplings over the counters.

“That looks good,” Hanbin told his mom as he passed her on his way to the fridge to grab some yogurt.

His mom smiled at him. “I hope Hao likes dumplings.”

Hanbin’s heart beat a little faster at the reminder. “He will like anything you make.”

He ate his yogurt standing up, ignoring the scolding look of his parents. He still had to set up the stable before dance practice and he had slept a little longer than he had wanted to. Tossing the empty cup in the trash, he bid his parents a hasty goodbye and hurried outside.

The kids were especially adorable today, following his lead like little ducklings. As the daycare was still closed, most parents were really relieved to at least have their little ones taken care of for an hour or two a day by Hanbin. And Hanbin loved spending this time as well, as it combined two of his favorite things - dancing and cute children.

When the last kid had been picked up by his mom, Hanbin swooped the stable clean and checked the time. Matthew and him had wanted to meet around noon to go over a few details they had to coordinate with the mayor. Despite his occasional irrationality, Matthew was actually a great help when it came to planning the entire fundraiser. Hanbin was very grateful he didn’t have to take care of the official business side of the whole ordeal by himself. Matthew was always happy to accompany him to see the mayor for updates or send out yet another email confirming specifics about the event.

When Hanbin walked out of the stable, he couldn’t help but glance towards the farmhouse Hao was currently living at. He wondered if Hao was practicing as well right now. The urge to go over and see him was growing inside of him, but Hanbin resisted. He had to meet Matthew in fifteen minutes. Besides, he would see Hao tonight anyway. He could do a few more hours of separation.

Gyuvin was washing dishes in the back when Hanbin made it to the cafe. Matthew was already sitting down in his usual spot, munching on a croissant and slurping a cup of iced coffee. Hanbin grabbed himself a blueberry muffin from the counter and joined him.

“Hanbin!” Matthew greeted him with a wicked grin. “And all alone?”

Hanbin rolled his eyes. “Who should I have brought with me?”

“Hao, duh?” Matthew said, sighing exasperated.

Hanbin knew his ears were bright pink by now. “You know he’s not glued to my side?”

“Really? I couldn’t tell,” Matthew continued teasing him.

“And he is probably busy anyway,” Hanbin added. At least, that's what he had told himself when he had decided not to text Hao to meet him before dinner tonight.

Matthew looked at him like he knew exactly what was going through Hanbin’s head and Hanbin distracted himself by picking the blueberries out of his muffin.

“Hey, actually,” Matthew sounded surprisingly earnest now. “I hope you don’t mind the teasing? You know everyone’s just really happy for you.”

Although Hanbin was sure his ears would like a break from the constant burning, he actually didn’t mind being teased. At least not about Hao, not when it made him so happy.

“No, it’s alright,” he confirmed for his friend. “I mean, this was not the way I wanted all of you to find out…”

“Should’ve thought about that before spending an entire night with him in a stable,” Matthew grinned.

“It was an accident! We were both tired and fell asleep,” Hanbin defended himself.

“Sure, and then you accidentally fell on his lips as well,” Matthew mocked him.

Maybe Hanbin should reconsider not giving Gyuvin a harder time for just blowing out his private business like that. His little brother really could be a menace.

“Anyway,” Hanbin cleared his throat, eager to change topics. “What’s on the agenda today?”

Matthew grinned, but went along with the change in conversation. “Have you checked your mails yet? The mayor wants us to give her an estimate of attendance. She wanted to know if she should prepare additional parking spaces for people coming from out of town.”

“Alright,” Hanbin said, leaning over the notebook Matthew had brought that was filled with all kinds of notes and scribbles. “What do you think? You’re in charge of advertising? How many people will come from out of town? Maybe 150? 200?”

“Actually,” Matthew looked a little sheepish. “Remember how I launched a social media campaign for the fundraiser?”

“Yeah?” Hanbin asked suspiciously. “That didn’t actually reach anyone, right? I mean, we’re a small town.”

“Actually,” Matthew grinned. “It blew up. Sort of.”

“What?” Hanbin couldn’t believe it.

“Well, how was I supposed to know Hao is some kind of campus celebrity?” Matthew pouted.

Hanbin’s brain froze. Hao was what now?

“What?”

Matthew frowned at him. “You don’t know? Hao is sort of famous in his faculty. Ricky wasn’t lying about the whole violin prodigy thing.”

“I...I-” Hanbin stuttered, still not sure he understood correctly. “I didn’t know.”

“Well, you know I included some pictures Jiwoong had shot. One had Hao playing violin, some people from his uni recognized him and well...now that post has like 5000 likes and at least a hundred people saying they’re coming to see him.”

“That’s…” insane . Hanbin finished in his head. That meant at least half the audience he expected to come for the fundraiser from out of town were there to see Hao.

He had always known Hao was amazing, that him coming back to town for the summer was something close to fate. But this was way beyond his imagination. Hell, he goes to the same university as Hao, albeit in different departments, and he had never known about Hao’s popularity!. He hadn’t even known about Hao at all! To be fair, before Hao, he also hadn’t had the greatest interest in classical music or violin prodigies. But still! How could it have slipped past him?

“If they all are coming, we might actually get enough money to renovate the daycare completely,” Matthew said. “Isn’t that crazy?”

“Crazy,” Hanbin muttered, at a loss for words. He wasn’t sure how to feel about this just yet? Surely, it wouldn't change anything that Hao was popular. Right?

Matthew grinned in self satisfaction.”Told you I’d be great at running promotions.”

Hanbin nodded in silence.

Hanbin’s brain still hadn’t fully processed this new information when Matthew disappeared again. Because Hanbin was a good brother and because he could never really say no to Gyuvin, he helped him out with his shift in the afternoon. But his mind was still befuddled.

An hour before dinnertime, Hanbin’s mother threw him out of the cafe, saying she’d be closing alone today since Hanbin was too distracted to be of actual help. Hanbin couldn’t blame her. He had loaded clean dishes into the dishwasher twice already. Both – the new revelation about Hao’s campus fame and the fact that he was about to see him again soon – were not letting him think straight.

No, he was being ridiculous. He would just forget about what Matthew had told him. Hao was still Hao.

“Why don’t you just go pick him up?” His mother suggested, guessing correctly what was on Hanbin’s mind. “I’ll have dinner ready when you bring him.”

Hanbin gave her a grateful smile, untying his apron and heading out first. It might’ve been a little early to go over to Hao’s, but Hanbin was pretty sure he couldn’t concentrate on anything else anyway.

When he reached the familiar farmhouse, Hao’s aunt opened the front door for him. She let him in with a warm smile.

“Hao’s upstairs. Practicing,” she let him know.

Now that Hanbin was paying attention, he could hear the faint sound of the violin reaching his ears.

“Should I come back later?” Hanbin asked, unsure how to behave.

Hao’s aunt laughed and shook his head. “No, I’m sure it’s fine. You might just have to wait for him to finish this piece.”

Hanbin nodded. He felt a bit awkward wandering up the stairs to see Hao with his aunt watching. He liked Misses Shen, had helped around her farm ever since moving to town. But now that he was going out with her nephew, he felt a bit embarrassed interacting with her.

He didn’t know which room exactly Hao was inhabiting, only having been downstairs and in Ricky’s room when coming over. However, the sound of the violin was guiding him on his way, making it quite easy to find the right door.

He thought about knocking, but then decided against it. He wanted to hear Hao play for longer and not interrupt him. As quietly as possible he opened the door, sneaking into the room. Hao had turned his back to him, playing faced towards the window. He must’ve heard the door, as he turned sideways to see who had come inside.

When he saw Hanbin, his eyes widened and his playing halted.

“No,” Hanbin quickly said. “Keep playing. I’ll wait.”

Hao hesitated for a moment, but then put his bow back over the strings. Now that Hanbin could see his face, he noticed the little smile gracing his lips, pushing his cheeks up. The sight was almost even lovelier than the music. Only almost, though, because Hao’s playing was astounding. Hanbin had never found appreciation for classical music before, always preferring pop and edm, but now he regretted not getting into it sooner. There was a beauty to it that Hanbin had never found anywhere else. He had seen Hao play before and had thought he was shining. But that only been easy pieces. Now, seeing Hao play to his true potential, everything else dimmed around him.

Suddenly, he could very much understand why people were coming from out of town to see Hao play. There was nothing like it. His heart swelled with a new emotion he couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t entirely painless.

When Hao reached the final note of his piece, the vibrato echoing a little as he lifted his bow, Hanbin was left speechless. Carefully, Hao put his violin back in its case, before turning to Hanbin. His gaze was a little shy, as if he hadn’t just shown Hanbin a whole other side to music.

“And?” He asked, pulling the one sleeve of his shirt that he had rolled up back down. “What do you think?”

Hanbin’s heart ached. There were too many words, too many feelings to express at once. He swallowed. Instead of talking, he approached Hao slowly. He observed his face carefully, the little moles decorating his delicate features, his round nose and plush lips. He reached out his hands to touch it, caressing his thumbs over the soft skin on his cheeks. Hao’s pupils were blown wide as he looked back at Hanbin.

Hanbin needed to kiss him. Right now.

He heard Hao gasp in surprise as he surged forward, but he swallowed the sound with his own lips. Hao’s hands came up to rest on his shoulders, holding onto him unexpectedly tight. Hanbin needed to be closer. If that was even possible.

He pressed into Hao’s body further, making him give in and walk back until he was pushed against the wall. Hanbin didn’t stop, gently coaxing Hao’s lips open, needing to be closer still, until there was no separating them anymore and he could look and hear and feel Hao forever.

When Hao ran out of breath, he nudged Hanbin away with gentle pressure, who only took this as an opportunity to place kisses everywhere else on Hao’s face. At first Hao giggled when Hanbin kissed his forehead and cheeks and nose, before he traveled further down. The giggling stopped when Hanbin reached his jaw, turning into heavy breathing. A lovely sigh fell from Hao’s lips as Hanbin continued to kiss down his neck, sucking on the place where his neck and shoulder met. The sound elicited a whole nother desire in Hanbin, who suddenly wanted-

“Hanbin!” Hao gasped suddenly, pushing Hanbin away a little more firmly. His lips were red and glistening, his hair slightly disheveled. He looked wonderful and all Hanbin’s.

He couldn’t help himself, leaning in to press another kiss to those tempting lips. His stomach churned with desire.

“Hanbin, wait,” Hao breathed into the kiss. This time he had his hands on Hanbin’s chest, creating a distance between them that Hanbin already disliked.

With great reluctance he pulled away from Hao. Breathing in, his brain started to work properly again with the new supply of oxygen. The want inside of him was still calling for him to keep going, but he had enough sense to stop himself.

He looked at Hao again, this time properly taking him in. His cheeks were flushed pink, heavy breaths falling from his lips. Something deep inside of him was very pleased with himself, being the one responsible for this lovely picture.

“Sorry,” he still said. “Too much?”

Hao shook his head, biting down on his lip. “No. No, I liked it,” he said. “Just, we’re supposed to have dinner with your parents. And I don’t want to show up there with hickeys all over me.”

At the sudden reality check, Hanbin suddenly felt very embarrassed by his own eagerness. He let his hands fall from Hao’s face, doubling the distance between them by taking a step back. Hao giggled as he stepped away from where he had been caged into the wall. It was him closing the distance between them this time. He let a hand brush through Hanbin’s hair.

“I guess you liked my playing then?” Hao asked him playfully.

Hanbin smiled sheepishly, remembering what had triggered all of this. 

“We should probably leave,” he said, otherwise he might not get away from here without having to kiss Hao senseless again. “My parents are waiting.”

“Right,” Hao grinned, obviously very happy despite not getting a direct answer to his question. Hanbin supposed the kiss had already been answer enough.

He waited for Hao to get ready, feeling a mixture of embarrassed and pleased as he watched him fix his hair in the mirror.

This time, when they met Hao’s aunt downstairs, Hanbin felt even more flustered to see her. They quickly bid her goodbye, starting their walk to Hanbin’s home. Hanbin felt delighted when Hao reached for his hand on the way.

Just as promised, his mother had dinner ready when they showed up. His father was already sitting down at the dinner table, Gyuvin laying the table with a shit-eating grin as they made their entrance. Hanbin hadn’t been particularly nervous about introducing Hao to his family until now. Seeing his father stand up to give Hao his hand made Hanbin realize just what was happening here.

Hao was meeting his family. Hao, his boyfriend, was meeting his family. Despite only knowing him for one summer, Hao had already become immensely important to him. So this meant something. Hao, meeting his family. Hao, becoming part of his family.

He scolded himself when the thought crossed his head. He was thinking too far ahead. Hao was here, with him, right now. The future was the future. The weird feeling from earlier was back, tugging painfully at his insides.

He ignored it for the sake of following Hao’s conversation with his dad. Just like him, Hao also seemed to feel a little nervous. Hanbin loved seeing Hao all glowing with confidence, but these moments of shyness were very endearing to him. Someone like Hao, who had the capability to capture every heart in a room full of people, shouldn’t ever feel a reason to be insecure. And yet he was and Hanbin liked him even more for it.

There had been no need to worry about his family not liking Hao. He was Hao, after all, loveable with all his quirks. His father looked thoroughly impressed when Hao mentioned the orchestra he was playing first violin in and his mother had practically been in love with him the second she had seen him enjoy her food. Seeing them all get along made Hanbin’s heart squeeze with joy.

“You are staying with your aunt right now?” His mom asked as she pushed more dumplings onto Hao’s plate. “Miss Shen? Ricky’s mom?”

Hao nodded, still chewing the last dumpling his mom had fed him. “Yes. She invited me to stay for the summer.”

“How nice that you came to visit your family,” his mom said, smiling fondly.

His father frowned. “Is your orchestra on summer break as well then? Do you not have to practice?”

Hanbin froze on his way to pick up his glass of water. He knew his father had no ill intention with his question, just curious to know more about Hao and his hobbies – he couldn’t have known what he had tapped into. Worried, Hanbin glanced at Hao, unsure how to handle the situation best. He was about to smoothly change topics, but Hao spoke first.

“No, they’re still playing during the summer. I couldn’t join the concert this time, but I’ll be back for the next semester,” Hao explained vaguely. His father nodded, seeming satisfied enough.

“Well, I think it’s great you’re here for the summer,” Hanbin’s mom chimed in. “I heard you're playing with Sunhee for the fundraiser? So I guess you’ll have your own summer concert!”

Hao laughed politely, but it didn’t really reach his eyes. A dull sensation settled in Hanbin’s stomach. He knew the real reason Hao was here and not on a big stage performing a solo concerto. Perhaps Hao missed it more than he had thought.

Gyuvin now changed the conversation topic by recounting a particular interaction with some of their regulars at the cafe, but somehow the doubt lingered in Hanbin’s head.

After dinner Hanbin showed Hao to his childhood bedroom. Luckily, he never spent enough time in it for it to be messy. Hanbin observed as Hao inspected the room. Hao chuckled when he saw an old picture of Hanbin as a young boy and curiously inquired about the rope skipping trophy placed in the back of his shelf.

It felt...intimate. Having Hao in his room was like having him take a look at his life before Hao. They had talked about their pasts before, exchanging silly childhood stories, but this was different. This was who Hanbin had been, who he still was in parts, all packed into one room for Hao to see.

“This is so cute,” Hao pointed out an old picture of Gyuvin and him, faces painted like butterflies. “I never had a room like this.”

Hanbin’s eyes were stuck on Hao, who had put the photo back down. His back was turned to Hanbin as he stopped his tour.

“What do you mean?” Hanbin asked. He had settled down on his bed in the meantime.

Hao was silent for a moment. Then he sighed. He climbed into Hanbin’s desk chair, pulling one of his legs up to rest his chin on his knee. Hanbin was a little disappointed he hadn’t joined him on the bed, but it was probably for the best. Having Hao in his bed would make it much harder for him to focus. And this seemed to be one of those vulnerable moments that he would engrain into memory forever.

“You know I moved from here when I was young. I mostly stayed at the school’s dormitories after that. My mom has a room in her apartment for me, but I’ve never spent much time there,” Hao told him honestly. “I changed rooms every year. So there were never really any...memories. Not like these.”

Suddenly Hanbin regretted Hao not sitting down on the bed for a whole different reason. There was too much distance between them for him to hold his hand. Yearning for any kind of physical contact, Hanbin stretched out his legs, softly brushing against Hao’s shin.

“We can share my room,” Hanbin offered, almost childishly innocent.

It made Hao laugh. “Thanks. But I don’t think it’s quite the same.”

“I know,” Hanbin agreed. “I just...wanted you to know, if you ever needed a home to go back to. We can share mine.”

Hao regarded him with a long look that Hanbin had trouble interpreting. Had he said too much? He knew his feelings were big and could be overwhelmingly scary, but he had said nothing but the truth. If Hao needed a home, Hanbin would always offer one to him.

A small smile formed on Hao’s lips. He slightly nudged at Hanbin’s feet, making it swing back and forth.

“I don’t think that’s an offer you can make without consulting your family. This is their house, after all,” Hao teased him playfully.

Hanbin bit down on his lip, but he couldn’t suppress the smile creeping on his face.

“I don’t think they would have anything against it,” Hanbin said, full of confidence. “They already love you.”

Hao snorted. “Love me? I met your father today .”

“Well, you’re very easy to love,” Hanbin shrugged, always a little too honest when it came to his feelings.

Hao fell silent again, and again Hanbin worried if this was it. If this had crossed the boundary. It was practically a confession, not directly, but meant just the same. He was sure Hao had understood it. Hao always understood him.

“You’re very easy to love as well,” Hao suddenly said and Hanbin felt his heart palpitate.

Blood was rushing through his ears, like sea waves brushing against the shore. He wondered if he had dreamt this, but the subtle blush on Hao’s cheeks and the coy smile confirmed that he hadn’t. This was real. Hao…

“I should probably get back to my aunt,” Hao suddenly said, getting up from his chair.

For a moment Hanbin couldn’t move, still too caught up in what Hao had just said. But then he stood up as well.

“I’ll walk you,” he said and Hao nodded, blush still on his face.

When they walked back this time, their knuckles kept brushing each other until Hanbin took the step to intertwine their hands. He realized how well their hands fit together, as if they had just waited to find their way to each other. They didn’t say anything until they reached the porch.

There Hao bid him a sweet goodnight, pressing a fleeting kiss to his cheek before disappearing inside. Hanbin could feel the ghost of his lips lingering as he turned around.

He was so immensely happy at that moment, it was making him anxious. Did one person really deserve so much?

The next few days were some of the happiest in Hanbin’s life. All his best friends were back in town, working together for the fundraiser. His dance practice was going well, and more and more people proclaimed their interest for this project of saving the daycare. According to the mayor, a few people had already donated to the official account.

Preparations were taking up most of his time now. They set up the booths for the games and drinks, got the pony riding grounds ready and organized the final program for the day. Matthew kept posting on social media about the event, and Hanbin observed with a weird feeling in his gut that all the posts featuring sneakpeaks of Hao’s practice with Sunhee received the most feedback.

And then, when he wasn’t busy working, there was Hao. Despite all these things keeping them busy, they saw each other every day. Those were Hanbin’s favorite hours of the day. Even if it was just dusting off tables or harking the ground together, every minute spent with Hao was fun. 

When all the work was done for the day, they met up outside, going for walks or driving around. Hanbin took them to that one Italian place a few town’s over and they shared a tiramisu. Being together just felt so natural, Hanbin wondered how he had ever lived without Hao in his life. Talking with him was exhilarating. Kissing him was otherworldly. Hao had slipped into his life so easily, fitted into his routine so seamlessly, Hanbin couldn’t imagine ever having to let him go. Hao was too good to be true.

The fear that it was all too good to be true, that he didn’t deserve this much goodness, was growing smaller with every day he spent with Hao. It was like they were made for each other. Why shouldn’t he deserve to be with Hao?

But like all stars shining too brightly, it all came crashing down one day like one big supernova.

There were only a few days left until the fundraiser. Ricky had finished his decorations and had asked him to  transport them over to the townhall. Of course, Hanbin hadn’t hesitated offering his help (especially if it meant getting to check in on Hao as well),

The first thing he noticed that was odd was the foreign car parking in the driveway of Hao’s aunt. Who could be visiting? Neither Ricky or Hao had mentioned anyone coming. Maybe someone who had to do with the farming business?

He parked his car on the other side of the street and walked up to the door. He knew Ricky would most likely be in the stables, but it was only polite to greet his mom first. Plus, if Hao was here, he was probably up practicing in his room. A few seconds after having rung the doorbell, Ricky’s mom opened the door for him.

“Hanbin! Come in, Ricky said you’d come by,” she greeted him, holding the door open for him.

Upon entering, Hanbin immediately noticed the lack of violin music. That meant Hao was probably not home then.

“Yeah, I said I’d help with the decorations,” Hanbin said, following Miss Shen through the hallway to the open kitchen. ”I brought my mom’s car.”

“Oh, right, could you park okay?” She asked him, as if only now remembering that her driveway was occupied.

“I parked down the road, it’s fine,” Hanbin replied quickly, but he couldn’t help his curiosity. “Is someone visiting you?”

Hao’s aunt fetched him a glass of water, handing it to him with a smile.

“Oh, Hao didn’t tell you? His mom is here,” she told him.

Hanbin nearly dropped his glass at the news. “His mom?” He muttered, surprised. “No, he didn’t tell me. Why is she here? For the fundraiser?”

Hao’s aunt smiled mysteriously. “I guess I shouldn’t tell you this, but since it’s good news,” she said excitedly. “Hao got invited to audition for a big solo. His mom came as soon as she heard the news.”

Hanbin’s heart stilled for a beat. A solo audition? Why hadn’t Hao told him about it?

“That’s...that’s great,” Hanbin heard himself say, somehow not sounding very much like himself. “Why did she come here, though? The audition is in the city, isn’t it?”

“Because it was a very last minute invite, he just got the mail a few days ago. The audition’s already in three days,” Hao’s aunt explained to him. “Hao probably has to go back to the city to prepare right away.”

An icy chill spread in Hanbin’s body. “Three days?” He repeated. The fundraiser was in three days.

“Mhh, we were all very surprised,” Hao’s aunt hummed. “He really didn’t tell you anything?”

Hanbin’s mouth felt unbearably dry. He gulped down his water. The air inside felt suffocating.

“I...I’ll go see how Ricky’s doing,” Hanbin said almost mechanically, ignoring the last question. Maybe because the answer would be too painful.

He was out of the house before Miss Shen could even try to say anything else.

His mind was spinning. Instead of heading to the stable as promised, Hanbin ran straight back to the car. He needed to be alone. He needed to think.

So Hao had gotten invited to a big solo audition. Hao couldn’t attend the fundraiser. Hao would leave. Maybe even today. Hot tears rose to his eyes but Hanbin quickly blinked them away.

He had no right to cry. He should be happy for Hao getting this big opportunity. But somehow the last thing he felt right now was happiness. He couldn’t even blame Hao for leaving. Of course he had to go. Hao belonged on stage. It was only right.

A bitter feeling spread in Hanbin’s chest.

Oh, it could’ve never worked out. Hao, bright, shining , dazzling Hao and old ordinary him. Hanbin couldn’t even feel bad, because he had seen Hao play violin. It would be a waste for him to not play on stage. He knew, in a few years time, Hao would be a world-class violist, hired by the greatest orchestras of their time. Hao was destined for greatness.

And Hanbin wanted that for him.

But he also wanted Hao.

There was a clash inside of him that he couldn’t overcome.

Hao was out of his league. There had always been signs of that, but now it had become more than obvious. Had there really never been a chance for them? Was the gap too big?

Had Hao known that all along? Hanbin didn’t want to believe that. Didn’t want to believe that for Hao this had always just been some temporary romance. Didn’t want to believe that all the vulnerable memories of their time here would always just stay that – memories. Fleeting, blurry, ultimately forgotten.

Was that why Hao hadn’t told him? Had he planned to just disappear overnight, not even say goodbye? Did he want to save himself the pain of having to hurt Hanbin with the truth?

Again, Hanbin didn’t want to believe that. Hao wasn’t that kind of person. And yet, he could find no other explanation for why Hao hadn’t told him.

Suddenly a different emotion burned up in him. Fury.

How could Hao do this to them? Not only to Hanbin, but all their friends? Had he just planned to leave without a word? What about Sunhee and the fundraiser? Hao had promised to help! He was an integral part of it! Without him they had to plan for a whole different fundraiser! Not to mention all the guests coming just to see him!

If Hanbin would allow him a moment of maturity, he would probably understand that all this newfound anger was just there to cover up a much more difficult to handle sadness. But in his immaturity, faced with a reality he didn’t like, he couldn’t feel anything but seething anger. He didn’t want to believe Hao was the kind of person to just leave, but given the facts, what else was there to believe?

To say Hao had been surprised to see his mom was a mild understatement. He suspected his aunt had invited her for the fundraiser – after all, her son was performing. So when she showed up a few days early, much sooner than he had expected, he didn’t know how to react.

His mom had just laughed at his startled face and then insisted for Hao to show her around town. After all, it had been a while since she had visited as well.

“So, I heard you’ve been enjoying your stay,” his mom opened the conversation as they were strolling down the narrow path towards the marketplace.

Normally, Hao would’ve been a bit more petty. After all, back when she had brought him here, he had been quite opposed to the idea of spending an entire summer away from his beloved practice room. But Hao had long since accepted the fact that his mom had been right when arranging this vacation for him. He had needed this.

“Yeah, it’s been nice,” Hao told her honestly.

His mom nudged him in his side playfully. “Just nice?”

Hao bit down on his lip. “The people here are really...nice, yeah.”

Again, his mother raised her eyebrows. “Nice, huh?”

Flustered, Hao looked down at his feet. He had mentioned Hanbin to her before, back when he had mostly been an annoyance to him. He had no doubts his aunt had updated her about the development between them.

“Yes, nice,” Hao repeated, not giving in because he knew she probably already knew the gist of it.

His mother kept grinning teasingly, but didn’t pry any further.

“I also heard you were playing your violin again,” she changed topics.

“I am,” Hao confirmed.

“That’s good,” his mom smiled. “Have you thought about the audition?”

Hao stopped walking for a moment, only catching up when his mom turned around to look at him. The audition. The mail had come at the beginning of the week when he had least expected it. Although he had received more invitations for solo auditions than he could remember, this one had felt special. After all, it had been because of a failed audition that he had come here in the first place. Back then, he hadn’t been sure he would ever be invited again. Having a pretty public breakdown was not the greatest self promotion.

“Not much,” Hao admitted. To be honest, he had ignored the mail ever since having gotten it. The only person he had mentioned it to was his mom, because he knew she wouldn’t pressure him about it.

“Mhh,” his mom hummed. “Because if you wanted to, I could take you back to the city so you could take it.”

That explained her early appearance.

There had been a reason Hao had avoided thinking about it. He wasn’t sure what the right decision was. It was a big audition. Every audition was a big audition. But this one would be important for him to reestablish himself. To prove that he was still an excellent violinist.

But then he remembered his last audition. Felt the way he couldn’t breathe, the way his chest had felt too tight, the emotional turmoil that came along with failure. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for another failure.

“Do you think I’m ready?” He asked his mom, honestly at a loss of what to do.

His mother smiled at him gently. “I think you know that you are.”

Again, she was right. Somehow, she was always right. Hao wasn’t the same person he had been. He was stronger now, and had grown quite a bit.

“The question is if you want to,” she added.

That’s what Hao had feared. Because he knew the answer to that question and it made him feel horrible. Wouldn’t it be the perfect ending to his story to go to the audition, face his fears, even if he didn’t get the solo? Who would say no to such a big opportunity? Who would waste years of practice? Hao had always been a goal-oriented person, someone who strived to achieve his dreams, may they be just too big. How could he let go of something like this?

Later that day, when he returned home, he was greeted with the sight of an irritated Ricky. He was angrily munching on strawberries at the kitchen table when Hao joined him.

“Have you seen Hanbin today?” Ricky asked him, foregoing a proper hello.

Hao frowned. “No, I haven’t. We’re supposed to meet up tonight, though,” he replied. “Why?”

“He was supposed to pick up the decorations today, but he never showed up,” Ricky complained. “I had to bring them over all by myself!”

That surprised Hao. Hanbin wasn’t the type of person to bail without notice.

“That’s strange,” he said as much to Ricky, who only scowled and ate another strawberry.

“Tell him he owes me an explanation when you see him,” Ricky grunted, taking his bowl of strawberries with him as he disappeared upstairs to his room.

Still thinking that that was very unlikely of Hanbin, Hao checked his phone to see if he had gotten any message from him. Surely, nothing had happened to him? But there were no new notifications. When he asked Hanbin if they were still meeting up later, he received a reply shortly after.

‘Yes. We need to talk.’  

Somehow that worried Hao even more. Had something happened that he didn’t know about?

He was nervous when he made his way over to the neighbor’s stable. He had been nervous in the past when he had met up with Hanbin, but this time it was different. The original plan had been for Hanbin to teach him a few dance moves ever since Hao had expressed an interest in learning how to dance. He somehow doubted they would do much dancing tonight, though.

There was no music playing when he entered the stable. Hanbin was sitting quietly on top of a hay bale. Hao remembered with flushed cheeks how they had shared their first kiss here just a few weeks ago. Probably not the right time to think about that. Hanbin looked too serious for that kind of thought.

“Hey,” Hao said, letting the gate fall shut behind him. “How are you?”

Hanbin grunted non-committedly as Hao made his way over to him. It was unnerving to see Hanbin not smile at him. Hanbin always smiled at him.

“Everything okay?” Hao asked, heaving himself on top of the hay to sit next to Hanbin.

Their feet dangled in the air next to each other, but they weren’t touching, which had also become unusual over the past few weeks.

Hanbin was silent, only making Hao more worried. Had Hanbin received bad news? Had something happened to his family? Had someone gotten hurt?

“I know about the audition.”

That took Hao aback. His audition...Hanbin could only mean the violin audition. How had he found out? He had only told his mother.

“Oh,” he breathed out, not really understanding why Hanbin seemed so troubled. “What about it?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about it?” Hanbin asked him, still not looking at him.

“I...-” Hao wasn’t quite sure why Hanbin sounded so mad. “I didn’t think it was anything you needed to know about.”

Hanbin laughed, but not his usual laughter that made Hao’s stomach all tingly. It sounded cruel, so unlike Hanbin, it shocked Hao to hear it from him.

“So what then? You were just planning on leaving without a word?” Hanbin asked him. This time he was looking at him. His eyes were cold, icy with rage.

“No!” Hao immediately said, now getting defensive. “No, I-”

“I should’ve known,” Hanbin interrupted him.

Hao blinked. “What?”

“That you would leave. You always do, don’t you?” Hanbin said.

Hao felt something inside of him crack. He couldn’t believe Hanbin had said that.

“I cannot blame you. An opportunity like that,” Hanbin continued. “You can’t miss it.”

“Hanbin, I-”

“I just wish you would’ve told us. Were you just gonna leave Sunhee alone on stage? I thought you would at least care a little bit about what happened to us,” Hanbin intercepted him again. Now he sounded hurt, but Hao was too hurt himself to understand what Hanbin was actually so upset about. “Maybe you don’t belong here after all.”

Hao, to this point ready to defend himself, to correct Hanbin that he had gotten it all wrong, froze.

“I don’t belong here?” he repeated soundlessly.

“Don’t you think so yourself?” Hanbin asked him.

Something inside of Hao broke. He couldn’t believe Hanbin of all people was saying this to him. Hanbin, who he had always felt safe with. He felt tears shoot up to his eyes. The air felt too thin all of a sudden. Sitting next to Hanbin...he couldn’t stand it.

“I need to go,” Hao said, his voice already sounding unsteady.

“Sure, leave again,” Hanbin muttered and Hao couldn’t take it anymore.

He pushed himself out of the hay, running out of the stable all the way to his room. He didn’t answer the questioning looks of his mom and aunt as he passed them, hiding his tears behind his hands and locking himself in.

How had everything turned so bad?

Everything hurt. His head hurt. His heart hurt. It was too much. Hao closed his eyes, forcing himself to sleep to escape the pain. Maybe this had all been one big nightmare. Was this how Hanbin really thought about him? He didn’t want to believe it. But the way he had said it… If nobody wanted him here, maybe it was best he really left.

Hanbin was sweating. He was laying inside the old stable, blasting his dance music loudly. It had been hours. He hadn’t been able to sleep last night after having spoken to Hao. It had been barely five am when he left home, drove around aimlessly for an hour and then ended up here. He always found a place to dance when his emotions became too much for him to bear. His chest was lifting and falling as he laid on the ground, having danced till his legs had given out underneath him.

He knew he had said some things to Hao he shouldn’t have said. Things he didn’t mean, things he said just because he had been too hurt. But it was too late. Hao was probably gone now. Back to the city, to the big stage he belonged on. The worst part was that Hanbin so desperately wanted to cheer him on for it. He wanted to be in the audience, wanted to know how it went, wanted to see Hao shining underneath the spotlight. After what he had said, however, he didn’t deserve even that anymore.

He closed his eyes. He wasn’t even mad at Hao. Never truly had been. He was only mad at himself for messing up the best thing in his life. Would Hao even talk to him anymore? If he tried to apologize, would he even listen?

Hanbin was so wrapped up in his wallowing, he didn’t notice the gate to the stable opening. Only when someone laid down next to him, presence warm and comforting, did Hanbin notice he wasn’t alone anymore.

“Here you are,” Matthew said, staring at the ceiling with him. “We’ve been looking for you.”

“I’m sorry,” Hanbin apologized on instinct.

“Luckily, I know all about your rage dancing,” Matthew said, nudging him into his side playfully.

Hanbin couldn’t help but snort at the expression. “It’s not rage dancing.”

“Please,” Matthew rolled his eyes. “I know you.”

Hanbin fell silent. He had no comeback for that.

“So, what happened? Ricky said you didn’t come help him yesterday. And then you met up with Hao and then you…” Matthew continued, voice growing quieter in the end.

Hanbin didn’t know what it was about Matthew. Maybe it was the years of friendship. Maybe it was that Matthew had a face that you couldn’t lie to. Maybe it was because Matthew was so aware of all his own flaws that he would never judge him for his. Maybe it was all three things, but Hanbin always became extra honest when talking to him.

“I messed up,” he pressed out, admitting it out loud making it all the more real. “I messed up really bad. Hao…”

His voice was strained as new tears filled his eyes.

“Hey, slow down. Tell me what happened,” Matthew remained calm as ever. “What happened with Hao?”

“He has an audition. For the violin,” Hanbin said.

“Obviously, isn’t that what he does?” Matthew asked.

“Yes, but...it’s on Sunday,” Hanbin continued and Matthew let out a long breath.

“So, he’ll miss the fundraiser?” He concluded.

“I got mad at him about it,” Hanbin disclosed.

Matthew punched his side. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I think...it made me realize how much better than me he is. I feel like I would only hold him back. I was so hurt that he didn’t tell me about it. That he would just leave without even talking to me. But then again, he is probably better off without me,” Hanbin tried to sort out his thoughts out loud for Matthew. 

He didn’t quite understand himself or why he had acted that way. It wasn’t like him to lash out and hurt other people. Hao deserved better than this, than him.

Matthew sighed deeply. “Has Hao ever made you feel that way? Like you weren’t good enough?”

“No. Never,” Hanbin quickly denied. Hao had never made him feel that way. Hao had made him feel good. Seen. “I just figured...after…you know…”

He didn’t finish his sentence but Matthew had understood anyway. It had been Matthew who had front row seats to his last disaster of a relationship.

Matthew groaned exasperated. “Hanbin, we’ve been over this. That guy was an ass. He made you feel insecure because he had a small dick or whatever,” Matthew scolded him, but there was a fondness in his voice. “That doesn’t mean every guy out there thinks like that. I don’t think Hao thinks of you that way. And you shouldn’t either!”

Matthew was right. Maybe Hanbin had projected his past experiences onto Hao, which wasn’t fair of him.

“Why wouldn’t he tell me he would leave then?” Hanbin asked out loud what had tortured him the most.

“I don’t know,” Matthew answered. “Why don’t you ask him that?”

“I can’t,” Hanbin whispered.

“What do you mean, you can’t?” Matthew asked.

“He’s gone. He left. His mother came by yesterday to pick him up,” Hanbin explained. “And I don’t think he wants to talk to me after what I said to him.”

“Well, you need to try,” Matthew insisted. “If you like him as much as I think you do, you definitely need to try.”

Gyuvin wasn’t sure what was going on with his brother. He just knew something was going on. He knew something had to do with Hao. After all, his brother had never been the greatest when it came to concealing his feelings. His brother was also, sometimes, a bit of an idiot.

He had overheard Hanbin and Matthew talk when they had come to the cafe from god knows where, something about Hao being gone. Which made Gyuvin even more confused?

Why was Hao gone? The fundraiser was in two days! Surely he hadn’t just left right before that!

Done being left in the dark, Gyuvin took matters into his own hand. He told his mom he would take a break, threw his apron into a corner and was out of the cafe in seconds. If there was one person in town who could explain to him why Hao had left, it would be his one and only best friend.

Gyuvin was more than familiar with the Shen residence. After having come over so often, they had actually given him a spare key so he wouldn’t wake up the entire house when he came by in the middle of the night to discuss matters of life and death with Ricky.

Ricky’s mom wasn’t in the house, which he had expected, since it was a workday. Ricky was sitting at the kitchen counter, folding programs for the fundraiser.

“We need to talk,” Gyuvin announced himself, sliding into the seat opposite of Ricky.

Ricky didn’t even look up. “As long as we do it while you help me,” Ricky said, pushing a bunch of programs towards him.

Gyuvin sighed, but picked up a program to fold it.

“It’s about your cousin,” he started.

“My cousin? What about your brother?” Ricky shot back. “He’s been ditching me.”

“Well, at least he’s not leaving town right before the fundraiser!” Gyuvin argued.

Ricky frowned at him. “What do you mean? Who left town?”

“Hao!” Gyuvin said determined, but then confused. How didn’t Ricky know about it?

“Hao didn’t leave,” Ricky pointed out, equally confused.

Not giving up yet, Gyuvin demonstratively looked around the kitchen. “Well, where’s he now then?”

“Up in his room,” Ricky said with a frown. “He didn’t want breakfast. He didn’t want to fold the programs with me. And he didn’t want to talk.” Ricky made a thoughtful face. “Maybe it has to do with your brother after all.”

“What? But Hanbin said Hao had left!” Gyuvin said, still very much confused.

“Well, Hanbin is wrong then,” Ricky retaliated. “Hao didn’t leave and he doesn’t plan on leaving until the summer is over.”

“What about his mom then? I heard she came to pick him up,” Gyuvin asked.

“Oh, yeah, apparently there was some violin audition. But Hao didn’t want to go. So she left again,” Ricky replied. “Hao wouldn’t just leave without saying anything.”

“Then why would Hanbin think that?” Gyuvin frowned, deep furrows forming on his forehead.

Ricky shrugged. “I don’t know. You think there might’ve been a misunderstanding?

Gyuvin groaned. “My brother is an idiot.” He rubbed his forehead. “What do we do?”

“Obviously we make them talk to each other,” Ricky said.

“I thought Hao didn’t want to talk,” Gyuvin said, not sure what Ricky was planning.

His friend only smiled slyly. “Don’t worry about that. Just make sure Hanbin is at the cafe this afternoon. Alright?”

Gyuvin was very glad Ricky was his friend and not his enemy.

Hao hadn’t wanted to leave his room at all today. He had been glad when Sunhee had canceled their practice for today, as that gave him all the more reason to stay huddled in his sheets. He felt miserable. Ricky had come to talk to him this morning, but Hao had refused. He didn’t want to talk. He knew he was acting like a child, but he was hurting. 

He should’ve known that his cousin would not take a simple no for an answer. 

Hao wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Ricky showed up to his room again. Hao hadn’t eaten all day, despite his stomach growling for food. Hao ignored it.

“You really want to stay in bed all day?” Ricky asked him, arms crossed in front of his chest in disapproval. 

“So what?” Hao pouted, turning in his sheets so Ricky wouldn’t see his face. “Not like anyone wants me here anyways.”

There was a beat of silence. He heard steps coming closer and the door falling shut.

“You don’t seriously believe that,” Ricky said. His bed dipped where Ricky sat down.

Hao pulled the sheets even higher, suddenly feeling very small. Back when he had first come to town, Hao had felt like an outsider. He had been an outsider. He had known nobody, had known nothing. Part of that had been his own fault, but over time he had grown to love the town and the people in it. Despite having left at a young age, Hao felt a connection to this place unlike anywhere else. So when Hanbin had said he didn’t belong…it hurt. 

“Hao,” Ricky said, grabbing him by his arm and forcefully pulling him around so he could look at him. “We all want you here. You’re our friend. You know that, right?”

“Not everyone,” Hao mumbled and Ricky sighed. 

“Well, I want you here,” Ricky stated. Hao’s heart seized a little at the earnest confession. Ricky wasn’t big on showing his affection, so Hao appreciated his words even more. “And I won’t let you rot in bed all day!”

Hao yelped as Ricky tugged his sheets away. “Ricky!” He whined but it was no use. Ricky remained merciless.

“Get up and get dressed,” Ricky ordered him.

Hao didn’t like the sound of that. 

“Where are we going?”

“The cafe. I think we could both use a caffeine fix,” Ricky replied. 

Hao really didn’t like the sound of that. 

He couldn’t go to the cafe. What if he met Hanbin there? He wasn’t ready to see him again. What if Hanbin would really break it off between them? Yesterday, he seemed so cold. He still didn’t know what had made Hanbin act so differently. Had his feelings for him changed?

“Can’t we go anywhere else?” Hao pleaded. “I don’t want to see…anyone.”

As always, Ricky saw right through him. “Hanbin won’t be there. Gyuvin has taken over all the shifts because Hanbin is so busy with the fundraiser.”

Hao pondered for a moment. It didn’t sound like a good idea. His bed was calling him to stay inside all day. Ricky raised his eyebrows, clicking his tongue impatiently. Hao sighed. Did he really have a choice?

Twenty minutes later Ricky and him were walking up to cafe Ludia. Now that he was up and outside, Hao actually didn’t mind it that much anymore. The air was fresh and the sun pleasingly warm. A nice cup of coffee and a muffin sounded quite nice. After all, he hadn't eaten all day.

His recent positivity changed the second they stepped inside. A heavy feeling settled in his gut. Betrayal. 

Hanbin was standing behind the counter, currently sorting out the various cakes on the display. His features looked so soft, Hao’s heart squeezed. His stomach ached with conflicting emotions and his flight instinct kicked in. 

He turned to his cousin, utterly disappointed. “You lied to me!”

At least, Ricky had the decency to look guilty. “I’m sorry,” he said. “But you two need to talk.”

No, Hao was pretty sure what he needed was at least five miles of distance between Hanbin and him. He was about to say as much to Ricky, but he didn’t get to. 

“Hao?” Hanbin’s voice sounded…confused? He must’ve only now seen him. 

Their eyes met and Hao felt his intestines twist. He didn’t know how to feel. 

Hanbin frowned at him. “What are you still doing here?”

His heart pounded painfully. Right. So yesterday hadn’t been a fluke. Hanbin really wanted him gone. 

“I’m leaving,” he told his cousin, storming out of the cafe before he could embarrass himself and start crying. 

His vision was blurring, not really helping with his sense of orientation. But Hao didn’t care. He didn’t care where he was going, as long as it was away from Hanbin. By now he knew this town well enough to find his way back.

He heard steps chasing after him. He expected it to be Ricky, hopefully on his knees to beg for forgiveness. But it wasn’t Ricky. 

“Hao! Wait!” Someone called, grabbing his wrist and making him spin around. 

Hao collided with Hanbin’s chest, knocking the air out of his lungs. Quickly, he pulled his hand away.

“What do you want?” Hao chided at him. “I was already leaving! Isn’t that what you wanted?”

 Hanbin’s face pulled into a painful grimace. “No. I don’t want…well, not like that. But…”

Hao sighed, exasperated. Looking at Hanbin made him feel weak. “What? Make up your mind already! I don’t have all day!”

“Don’t you want to leave?” Hanbin asked him. 

“Why would I want to leave?” Hao returned the question, the whirl of emotions overwhelming. 

He hadn’t expected to see Hanbin again so soon. He hadn’t sorted out his thoughts, or come up with a strategy on how to calmly approach him. It left him with only one thing to do: be painfully honest.

“Did I do something to you? Why…why all of a sudden…I thought you wanted me here…”

Hanbin was reaching for him again, and this time Hao was too weak to pull away.

“I do, Hao, I do want you here,” Hanbin assured him. “But I also want to see you live your dream.”

That confused Hao only even more. “What are you talking about?”

“The audition. You should go take it,” Hanbin replied. “Nobody will be mad at you if you leave for that. We all understand it’s important to you.”

The audition…Hanbin had talked about that yesterday as well. Had he thought…? A few things cleared up in Hao’s head.

“Hanbin, I’m not going to audition,” Hao said.

Hanbin looked shocked. “What? Why not? Was it because of what I said yesterday? I didn’t mean any of that! I was just…hurt and…stupid!”

Hao couldn’t help but laugh. Now that he understood, suddenly feeling incredibly light. “I’m not going to the audition because I don’t want to.”

Hanbin gawked at him. “W-what? I thought that was your dream?”

Hao took a deep breath. “It is…but right now, it doesn’t feel right. I’m still healing. More opportunities will come in the future. For now…I’m happiest where I am.”

“Are you sure?” Hanbin asked once more. “Because I will drive you there myself should you want to!”

Hao laughed again. “I’m more than sure.”

Hanbin winced. It seemed like he also came to realize a few things now. 

“Is that why you didn’t tell me about it?”

“I didn’t tell anyone about it, really. I don’t even know how you found out,” Hao explained, now understanding why Hanbin had acted so out of character. 

“Your aunt told me when I saw your mother’s car,” Hanbin said. “She told me you had to leave right away.”

“Oh,” Hao muttered, now that they had gotten to the bottom of the misunderstanding, it felt almost silly. “I think, when I got the mail, I already knew I wasn’t going to take it. That’s why I didn’t bring it up.”

“Oh god,” Hanbin sighed, expression mortified. “I’m so sorry. I was such an idiot. I just thought…well, I didn’t understand. I thought you were just leaving me behind. And I thought you were right for it.”

Hanbin sounded so pained, Hao felt his heart crack. “Hanbin…”

“I’m sorry. I think…well, in my last relationship my partner always made me feel like I was beneath him, that I didn’t deserve to be with him. Sometimes I still feel that way,” Hanbin disclosed, sounding incredibly vulnerable. “You’re so…amazing. And I felt like I was holding you back. And you leaving was like…you proving that.”

Hao let their fingers intertwine where Hanbin’s hand had been hovering. Hanbin’s eyes were shimmering with unshed tears. 

“How can you even think that way when the first time you saw me I was literally losing a fight with a chicken?”

A bubbling laugh left Hanbin’s lips as he squeezed his hand back. Something inside Hao shifted back into place. 

“I’m just so in love with you,” Hanbin admitted. “Sometimes it feels too good to be true.”

Hao’s heartbeat stuttered a little as a blush rose to his cheeks. “I’m in love with you, too,” Hao said shyly, and Hanbin beamed at him. 

Then his expression turned guilty. “Hao, I’m so sorry. What I said yesterday…I didn’t mean it. You belong here. We all want you here.”

Hao managed a soft smile. While some of the pain was still there, it was far overshadowed by all the fondness he felt. Hanbin had hurt him, but now that he had gotten the full story, he could see that it had been a knee jerk reaction - something he had done out of pain. He was confident, in the future, they would learn to properly communicate without hurting each other doing so. His feelings for Hanbin were too strong to not at least try. 

“I forgive you,” Hao said, lifting his hand to wipe a single tear from Hanbin’s cheek. “But next time don’t just assume things on your own. It hurt both of us more than it needed to.”

“I promise,” Hanbin quickly agreed. 

“Good,” Hao nodded, letting go of Hanbin to turn back around. 

“Where are you going?” Hanbin hurried after him.

“To the cafe. I haven’t eaten all day and I think I deserve a croissant, don’t you?”

Hanbin laughed, before eagerly grabbing his hand and pulling him along. Hao wouldn’t have it any other way. 

It was the day of the fundraiser. They had spent all morning putting the last of Ricky’s decorations up. His vision had truly come to light. The entire ceiling was covered by the dark blue tulle fabric, little silver stars attached to it, turning it into a night sky. All the booths were prepared and ready for operation, Gunwook and Yujin having recruited a few of their school friends from out of town to help run them. The pony track outside was neatly marked and the ponies were already resting underneath the shade of a tree, waiting for their turn. According to Gyuvin’s frequent updates in their groupchat, he and his mother had stood in the kitchen all day to cater the event with food. 

With just a few minor bumps in the road, everything was going smoothly. Matthew was in charge of showing out of town visitors to the parking spots and kept ranting about how it was harder and harder to find space for everyone who was coming. Hao was very glad that his own job was a lot less stressful. Apart from his performance with Sunhee later, he had agreed to help out with serving drinks. Ricky had also been put on the job with him, which explained their matching outfits today. 

Both of them were wearing a simple black button up and slack pants, so they would be easily recognized as servers. Hao also deemed this an appropriate stage outfit, not unlike what he usually wore for his violin performances. 

“Aww, don’t you two look adorable,” Hao’s mom cooed at them as they came down the stairs.

Hao was shouldering his violin case, sheet music tucked beneath his arms.

“Reminds me of how they used to play dress up as little kids,” his aunt agreed, smiling fondly at her son. “Ricky’s always had a knack for fashion.”

Ricky rolled his eyes as Hao laughed. He did, in fact, vaguely remember Ricky and him rummaging through his aunt’s closet. 

“We’ll see you later then,” Hao’s mom said. “When are you up on stage?”

“Around five,” Hao told her. She had come back to town last night, insisting that she couldn’t miss this performance of his. She had never missed any of them and wouldn’t start now. 

“Well, have fun!” His aunt said as they made their way outside and Ricky waved her goodbye.

Although the fundraiser would only officially start in an hour, there were already a lot of people roaming around the townhall and townsquare. Taerae was quickly ushering them inside when he saw them arrive. 

“I need your help getting more chairs from the basement,” Taerae told them, leading them down to the basement of the townhall. 

Hao remembered this place from the hurricane warning. It looked a lot less frightening in the middle of a sunny day. The three of them all took as many chairs as they could carry in their arms. The hall was already filled with chairs, but apparently there were still more people expected to be arriving. 

Hao was on his third round downstairs when someone circled their arms around his waist and whisked him away. He giggled as Hanbin nuzzled his nose against his neck, turning around in his hold. 

“Good you're here, because my arms are about to give up,” Hao said and Hanbin pouted at him. 

“Don’t I get a proper hello first?” He asked and Hao rolled his eyes fondly, before giving in and pecking his lips. Hanbin grinned. “Much better.”

Just because he could, Hao leaned in for a second kiss. Hanbin was still smiling when they separated. He let his eyes roam over Hao. 

“Wow, you look very handsome today,” Hanbin complimented him, which Hao dearly appreciated. He had even styled his hair up today - it was good to have his efforts praised as they deserved. 

He took in Hanbin’s appearance. He was wearing a pair of shorts and a white t-shirt with colorful handprints on it that Hao knew he and the daycare kids had made themselves. 

“Thanks. You look very cute,” Hao giggled, placing his hand on top of a handprint right on Hanbin’s chest.

Hanbin was smirking, probably about to say something flirty - but Hao would never hear it. 

“Less flirting, more working!” Taerae was walking past him with three chairs in his arm. 

A bit flustered, Hao let go of Hanbin. 

“If you want to, I can cover the chairs and you can go help my mom and Gyuvin carry in the food,” Hanbin suggested. 

Hao didn’t hesitate to agree - if he carried one more chair, he wasn’t sure he would be able to pick up his violin later. They all kept working together, completing all last minute preparations before the first guests could be let in.

At some point Matthew and the mayor joined them.

“We had to convert one of the vast fields into a separate parking lot,” Matthew told them, wiping the sweat off his forehead. He had also dressed neatly for the occasion, black shirt sticking to his chest. 

“Yes, a lot more people than we hoped for showed up,” the mayor said, full of delight. “The fundraiser is already a full success.”

“You know, you could’ve told us you were practically famous on campus,” Matthew nudged Hao’s side. “So many college kids showed up.”

“What?” Hao frowned. 

“People from your faculty. They all came to see you,” Matthew repeated. “If you told us before, we could’ve prepared.”

Hao blinked. “I…I didn’t know?”

“What do you mean? All my posts with you got over a thousand likes!” Matthew exclaimed, by now all their friends were listening as well. “You’re a real celebrity!”

Hao had to admit he wasn’t the most up-to-date with social media, so this was news for him. He also wasn’t the most concerned about campus affairs and popularity, far too occupied with practicing to pay attention to such things. He thought outside of the classical music world and his orchestra nobody cared much for him and his violin performances. Apparently, he had been wrong.

“Famous and he doesn’t even know it,” Taerae joked. “So humble.”

Everybody chuckled a little before getting back to work. Hao was left a little stunned as he continued putting coke and lemonade bottles into the fridges. 

“Hey, everything okay?” Hanbin was suddenly by his side, helping him store everything away. 

Hao nodded. “Yes. Just a little surprised.”

“You really had no idea?” Hanbin asked and Hao shook his head. “Matthew’s been using your pictures as his main social media campaign. He should’ve asked you first.”

“No, it’s fine,” Hao said, before smiling. “I just hope they all donate a lot of money.”

Sensing that Hao was really okay, Hanbin playfully squeezed his waist before he left him to do his own work. 

A little later the doors finally opened. The booths outside started running their games and they started selling food and drinks inside. The mayor kept going around talking about the fundraiser and animating people to donate for the rebuilding of the daycare. Kids and adults alike seemed to enjoy themselves, participating in the various activities. 

A few times Hao spotted Jiwoong running around with his cameras, no doubt shooting a few pictures to sell to the local newspapers later. Hao was a little sad that he was stuck inside and therefore couldn’t see Hanbin at work, who was volunteering with the pony riding. But he supposed they would make up for their lack of seeing each other later.

In the afternoon, his mom and aunt stepped by. His mom made him mix a drink out of lemonade and coke, just to mess with him and then casually asked who the handsome man outside with the ponies was. Hao considered spiking her drink with a little salt, but decided against it. After all, he had his mom to thank for this incredible summer. 

Once it got later, someone else relieved Hao from his duty. The townhall was now slowly filling up as the performances were about to start. Even with the extra chairs the space was packed, many people deciding to stand in the back. 

Hao made his way backstage. Sunhee and the band were already there. Taerae winked at him as he went to pick up his violin. He applied some rosin to his bow and then went over to Sunhee. 

He tried smiling at her but the girl didn’t seem to notice it. She was nervously chewing on her lip, plucking at the strings of her violin. He could relate all too well to that feeling. 

He sat down next to her. “How are you doing?”

Sunhee swallowed visibly. “Feel like I’m about to throw up. I’ve never played without the band before.”

Hao laughed a little. “It’s okay to be nervous. Just know, even if you make a mistake, most of them won’t notice.”

Sunhee gave him a weak smile. “At least I’m not going up there alone.”

Hao’s heart softened a little. “No,” he agreed. “We’re in this together.”

That turned Sunhee’s smile a little more genuine. 

Soon they could hear the crowd go quiet. First the mayor would hold her speech. She greeted all their guests, saying how happy she was to see so many people coming to their little town. She talked about the hurricane and how the daycare had always been an important part of their town. Once again, she remembered everyone to donate what they could, before she left the stage under applause. 

Next up was a spokesperson from the daycare, who they had invited to speak on behalf of all the workers and children there. She also spoke of the immense gratitude she felt toward everyone attending, going a little more in depth about the daycare and its history. 

People clapped again and then a familiar voice greeted the guests. They had unambiguously decided for Matthew to emcee the rest of the show, who had been the most excited to take over this job. 

Hao motioned for Sunhee to get up as they would be up first, opening the little show. Matthew explained a little about how this entire fundraiser had come together and how much work had flowed into this night and that it had become much larger than they could’ve ever dreamed of. 

“But I think we’ve all talked more than enough now. You’re not here to have me blab your ears off, after all,” Matthew said, earning him a few chuckles. “So, without further ado, this town’s very own Lee Sunhee and Zhang Hao!”

Accompanied by the applause of the crowd, Hao and Sunhee made their way to the stage. They quickly set up their sheet music, although neither of them really needed it anymore, having practiced the piece so much. 

When Hao let his gaze roam over the crowd, he was surprised to recognize a few faces from his college classes. Matthew had mentioned as much earlier but Hao hadn’t truly believed it until now. He spotted his aunt and mom waving excitedly at him from a pair of seats in the third row. His eyes got stuck on Hanbin in the back. 

He was already on stand-by with the group of children for his dance number. He was smiling at him, eyes crinkling with happiness as he watched Hao on stage. His heart filled with warmth. 

He turned to Sunhee, giving her an encouraging smile as they both got their instruments ready. It was weird. A couple months ago Hao was in this exact position, albeit it being a different stage, when he realized he had forgotten how to breathe. Now, here, he wasn’t even nervous. Only excited. Excited to show off what Sunhee and him had so diligently prepared. They made eye contact one last time.

Hao breathed in. 

The piece went by in the blink of an eye. There might’ve been a few intonational flaws, but overall it had been a stellar performance. The crowd acknowledged as much with wild applause. Hao smiled, pulling Sunhee to the front to make her take the first bow, before bowing himself. Their faces were glowing with joy as they made it down the stage. 

She pulled him into a tight hug and Hao gently patted her back. 

“Thank you so much!” Sunhee told him when she let go. “You are a great teacher.”

“You’re a great student,” Hao returned the compliment, having really enjoyed teaching the young girl. “Promise me you won’t stop playing.”

“I promise,” Sunhee laughed. “I have to get back now. Taerae wanted to go over a few things.”

“Sure. Have fun!” Hao said, and the girl ran back into the small backstage room. 

Hao kept smiling, making his way to the back of the room. Matthew was back on stage already, praising the last performance and announcing the next one. 

Hao quickly passed by Hanbin, who was up next. 

“Good luck”, he whispered in his ear, pressing a fleeting kiss to his cheek.

Hanbin smirked, satisfied, gently nudging his group of kids towards the stage for their dance performance. 

There had probably never been a cuter sight. Hanbin, surrounded by a bunch of little kids, dressed in matching t-shirts, dancing adorably. Hao felt his heart swell to twice its size. He didn’t know someone could feel this much adoration for another person.

The speakers started playing the music Hanbin had picked. A few of the older kids followed the choreography, stealing glances at Hanbin if they had forgotten what move was next. The younger ones were trying their best or simply smiling and clapping along. It was a crowd favorite nonetheless as most of these children had many relatives come to see them and cheer them on. When the song was over the group took a clumsy bow.

Hao felt like he had seen a glimpse of his future. Another dream to chase. 

It was already time for the last performance. Matthew quickly introduced the local band as they all went on stage to set up their instruments. Hao was giving Sunhee two thumbs up when she went back up there, looking considerably less nervous now. 

Taerae was charming as always as he greeted the crowd, inviting them to sing along should they recognize the songs. They had prepared many classics and when the audience chanted for an encore, they played more from their usual repertoire. 

A few people had pushed their chairs aside to make room for a dancefloor. In the meantime, Hao had quickly brought his violin backstage so he could fully enjoy the band's performance. 

When he came back outside he was immediately caught in someone’s arm.

“Remember this song?” Hanbin asked him as he swung him around.

Hao laughed - it was one of the many they had danced together to at the hoedown. 

“You might have to teach me again,” Hao said, letting Hanbin lead him to the music with ease.

The band kept playing until they were out of songs. Matthew went back on stage to thank everyone once again for coming and invited people to stay longer to eat and drink and - most importantly - donate. With his last words, the hardest part of the day was over. While families with younger children soon left, many people took the invitation and stayed longer. 

Hao was back with Ricky, helping give out drinks, while a few of them were starting to disassemble the game booths outside. 

It was way past midnight when the last guest left. Hanbin’s mom was helping them clean up all the food and sweep the counters - but they decided the rest of it they would all clean up together tomorrow. 

Hao was pretty exhausted himself. He liked being with people, but big social events like this drained his social battery. He was looking for Ricky so they could leave together, but Hanbin crossed his plans once more. 

“Are you tired?” He asked him. Suddenly Hao felt wide awake. 

“Why?” He asked him.

Hanbin grinned, looking devilishly handsome in the moonlight. Hao wasn’t even surprised when instead of answering, Hanbin just grabbed his wrist and started dragging him along. 

Soon he recognized the direction they were heading in. At first he wondered if Hanbin just wanted to walk him home, but then they took a corner early. 

Oh , Hao thought. 

Hanbin carefully pushed the door to the empty stable often. It was quiet inside. They were alone for the first time all evening. 

“Why have you brought me here?” Hao asked, cocking his eyebrow at Hanbin. 

Hanbin smirked. “I wanted to give you something.”

That actually surprised Hao. What could Hanbin possibly have gotten him? 

Hanbin looked a little sheepish as he pulled out a small box from the pocket of his shorts. Hao raised his eyebrows even higher. 

“Jewelry?” He asked out loud.

Hanbin bit down on his lip. “I saw it the other day and it made me think of you,” he explained, making the box snap open to show Hao what was inside. 

It was a necklace. A rather simple silver once with a small star pendant attached to it. Carefully, he picked it up.

“A star?” He whispered, awed by the beauty of it.

“Mhh,” Hanbin hummed. “Because you are-”

“Shining,” Hao finished for him, remembering quite clearly what Hanbin had said to him after seeing him on stage for the first time. It felt like ages ago. The words had never lost their power.

“Yes,” Hanbin confirmed quietly. “Do you like it?”

“It’s beautiful,” Hao said, feeling his cheeks pinch up with his smile. “Help me put it on.”

He handed the necklace back to Hanbin and spun around. Gentle hands placed the necklace around his neck. The silver metal was resting coldly against his skin. Hao didn’t dare breathe when Hanbin didn’t step away from behind him. Neither of them moved.

“Why did we have to come here for you to give this to me?” Hao asked into the silence that was slowly filling with tension.

“I wanted to be alone,” Hanbin whispered against his neck, making Hao shiver. “In case you wanted to give something back.”

Hao swallowed. “What do you want?”

The soft press of lips against neck made his whole body shudder. 

“You do look so handsome tonight,” Hanbin said and Hao couldn’t take it any longer. 

He spun around, throwing his arms around Hanbin and pulled him into a searing hot kiss. As if just having waited for that, Hanbin reciprocated just as eagerly. Hao gasped when a tongue licked against the seams of his lips, making his mouth fall open.

Hanbin’s hands traveled from his waist to the top button of his shirt. Hao whined in pleasure when warm fingers touched the bare skin underneath, which Hanbin took as an invitation to keep unbuttoning his shirt. 

“Hanbin,” he moaned breathlessly when Hanbin had reached the last button, pushing his shirt off his shoulders and now kissing a path down his neck to his collarbones. The only thing left covering his upper body was the necklace.

His knees felt wobbly but Hanbin had a solution for that as well. The world was spinning as Hanbin kept pushing him back until he fell on top of a hay bale. The breath was knocked out of his lungs as he kept watching Hanbin, who was quickly pulling his own shirt over his head before joining Hao in the hay. 

He giggled a little at first, but that soon turned into sounds of pleasure as Hanbin kept kissing every inch of his exposed skin. 

“Hao,” Hanbin asked once he reached his mouth again, breathing heavily against his lips. His pupils were blown wide. “What do you want?”

Hao was equally out of breath as he tangled his hands into Hanbin’s hair to pull him into another heated kiss. 

“You,” he whispered in between kisses. “I want you. All of you.”

The next morning Hao woke up to the smell of eggs. He rubbed his eyes, stretching underneath his sheets before sitting up. 

“Morning, darling,” his mom came into the room with a plate of breakfast. “Glad you made it home alright.”

Hao was suddenly incredibly glad that he had gotten on a sleep shirt last night after Hanbin had brought him home. He was pretty sure his mom already knew enough about his night time endeavors without seeing physical evidence of it. 

He cleared his throat, properly sitting up to accept the plate. “Yes. We were cleaning up till late. And then Hanbin walked me home,” Hao said, not looking his mother in her eyes. 

“How nice of him,” his mom said, sitting down at his bedside. “He seems like a real gentleman, that Hanbin.”

Hao hoped his blush wasn’t too obvious. “He is. I…really like him.”

“Hmm,” his mother hummed amused. “I’m sure you do. Introduce us sometime, okay?”

Hao nodded like the obedient son he was, filling his mouth with scrambled eggs. 

“I have to leave now. Just wanted to know when you wanted me to pick you up,” his mom asked him. “Semester starts in two weeks, right?”

Hao swallowed his bite. “Yes,” he confirmed, a little sad that summer would be over so soon. “Hanbin said he was gonna drive me. We go to the same college.”

“Oh,” his mother said with a knowing grin. “I see.”

“Mom,” Hao whined, not liking the teasing glint in her eyes.

She laughed, fondly ruffling through his hair. “Just wondering if I’ll get to see you before Christmas. Seems like Hanbin will take up a lot of your time.”

“Mom!” Hao whined again, only making her laugh harder. 

“Just kidding,” she said, standing up from his bed. “I have to go now. I have to meet a client. But I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Yeah,” Hao said, watching her leave. Just before she could go, he stopped her. “Wait!”

She turned around, raising her eyebrows at him. 

“I just…thank you,” Hao said, not knowing how to properly word what he was thinking. 

He didn’t have to. It was his mom, after all. Moms always understood. 

“Always,” she smiled fondly at him. After a moment, she finally left, the door falling shut behind her. 

As agreed upon they all gathered together around noon to clean up the townhall. Jiwoong, Hanbin and Gyuvin were already at work when Ricky and him arrived. Hanbin seemed to be glowing and Hao’s heart pounded wildly as he remembered last night. 

Once he noticed him, Hanbin greeted him with a quick peck, beaming when he saw Hao wearing his necklace. Hao’s skin tingled where Hanbin was touching him. It made him feel entirely giddy. 

Someone loudly cleared their throat, breaking them out of their little bubble. Taerae had arrived, bringing along his tool kit from the garage to bring down the ceiling constructions holding up the fabric. 

“Later,” Hanbin whispered, letting go of him with one more quick kiss. 

With all of them working, the townhall was soon back to its original state. Matthew even said it looked better than before. Hao was putting away the mop he had used to sweep the floor with when the mayor made an entrance. 

“Oh, I was hoping to find you all here!” She smiled brightly. “I thought you might want to know how much you guys raised last night!”

“Of course!” Matthew said, throwing his rag away in excitement. 

“You raised just above 15000 dollars!” She exclaimed, clearly overjoyed by that news. “That’s more than I expected and it will be enough to convince the city council to fund what more we need to get our daycare a new roof!”

For a moment they were all shocked by the amazing news! Matthew started cheering first, soon joined by Gunwook and Gyuvin. Hao couldn’t believe that they had actually done it! All of a sudden he was lifted in the air by Hanbin who spun him around in joy. 

“It was all your idea,” he cheered, setting him back down on his feet. 

“No, “ Hao quickly denied. “We all did it together.”

“Well, I think that screams for a bonfire tonight!” Gunwook said. “We need to celebrate! Our place!”

Everybody cheered in agreement. 

That night, seated between Ricky and Hanbin, roasting marshmallows over the fire as the summer slowly faded away, Hao thought he might’ve found what he had least expected to find coming here. A home. 

As always, summer was over too soon. He helped Ricky pack his back for college, who would be moving out of home for the first time in his life. Luckily, Hao had a bit of experience when it came to moving into dorms. So he knew all the things necessary and unnecessary. His aunt would drive Ricky to his new dorm room tomorrow, just in time for welcome week. Hao had offered to help with the moving process, but Gyuvin had been faster than him, insisting to help his best friend in this new step of his life. 

So Hao had decided to leave a day earlier to get out of everyone’s hair during the moving process. Hanbin had agreed to it as well, happy to get back to his own dorm early since he had signed up to be a coordinator for welcome week. 

Hao was laying on the floor, feet up on Ricky’s bed as Ricky sorted out how many dress shirts he should pack. 

“You will probably go on a shopping spree once you’re there anyway,” Hao shared his wisdom. “Make sure there is still room left in your closet.”

Ricky seemed to think about it, but then decided to take his advice, putting most of his shirts back into his closet. He let out a sigh, apparently giving up on packing for now. He joined Hao on the floor. 

“Hey…err…do you think you’ll have time to visit some time during the semester,” Ricky asked him. “Just…if you wanted to.”

Hao chuckled. He always found Ricky cute when he was expressing his feelings. 

“It’s just a one hour train ride from my campus to yours. I’ll make the time if I don’t have it,” Hao promised him. “Besides…I thought…maybe we could have Christmas all together here this year. You know, like a real big family.”

“That sounds…nice,” Ricky muttered and when Hao turned his head to look at him, he saw he was smiling. 

The sound of a honk disrupted their peace. Hao shot up. That had to be Hanbin, ready to pick him up. 

“Listen, if anyone gives you trouble, call me,” Hao said. “Don’t drink too much! Don’t go out alone! Study hard! But have fun!”

Ricky rolled his eyes. “You almost sound like my mom, now.”

“Well, I mean it,” Hao said. “Just one phone call away, okay?”

“Okay,” Ricky repeated, smiling softly. There was another honk. “Now go or your boyfriend will run over our porch.”

Quickly, Hao got up from the floor. He hurried down the stairs. His suitcase and violin were already standing by the door. His aunt came to the door to see him off. 

“Tell Hanbin to drive safely,” his aunt told him. “And if you should ever need anything, you know my number.”

Hao suddenly understood what Ricky meant by comparing him to her. He pulled his aunt into a tight hug. 

“Thank you,” he told her, truly meaning it. “For everything.”

“You’re always welcome here,” she said, returning his embrace. 

“Thank you,” he said once more. 

“Hurry now, or you’ll get into the evening rush,” his aunt told him, holding the door open as Hao heaved his suitcase and violin outside. 

Hanbin climbed out of the small car he had bought off a grandpa in the town recently. It had barely been used, so despite its age it was in great condition. 

He opened the trunk, helping Hao store his suitcase next to his own bags. Then he walked to the front, holding the passenger door open for Hao to get in. 

Hao snorted at the gesture, but was secretly very flattered. 

Hanbin quickly swung himself behind the steering wheel, smoothly backing out of the driveway. 

Somehow, leaving didn’t make Hao as sad as he thought it would make him. He thought about Taerae, Jiwoong, Gunwook and Yujin who would all remain in town. Ricky and Gyuvin, off to another college. Only Matthew was going to the same college as them. And yet Hao didn’t feel like he was really leaving. Not when he knew with certainty that he would come back.

Besides, their groupchat was more active than ever. He doubted he would have to miss any of them much.

“Ready to go back?” Hanbin asked him once they hit the road, putting on his playlist.

Hao smiled when he recognized some of his favorite girlgroup songs in between the NCT. He reached for Hanbin’s hand that had been resting on the console between them. 

Leaving didn’t feel like leaving anymore when you were taking a piece of home with you.