Chapter Text
Chapter 10
129AC
My eighteenth nameday was to come with great celebration.
The Queen had requested a large feast to be prepared on its day with attendees from across the realm, ravens had been flying back and forth from the Keep to confirm attendance and even I could not deny the excitement building in me in advance.
The only House that had piqued my interest was House Dayne. A raven had of course been sent to Azhar and he of course had swiftly declined, but the Dayne’s had accepted. The Martell’s had extended their apologies to no surprise as tensions between their negotiations with the Triarchy were ever high, but I was keen to welcome any from Dorne.
I remembered little of the wider family, they had been a frequent member of our court but I had never been one to socialise, though Helia Dayne had once been a playmate of mine as a young girl. That all stopped when I took to the shadows and wished not to be seen anymore.
Would she remember me?
What would she think of me if she did?
I would soon find out. The feast was a week away and the Keep was a buzz of preparations, I’d hardly a minute to myself with dress fittings, personal lessons from the Queen on the great Houses and courtiers all extending invites to tea, supper or whatever excuse they could make to be within the inner circle on the day. Just the previous day I had sat through a torturous exchange of tea with Roelle Herston and her sister Aelinor who only wanted to discuss what dress I’d be wearing, what fabric I’d choose and if I’d be willing to lend my seamstress to them once finished.
Still they’d been better company compared to Darla Mooton who’d arrived early from the Riverlands and would turn every conversation back to The Seven, if her mother had not been so ambitious to wed her successfully I had no doubts Darla would join the Faith.
I daren’t complain however, it was all for me.
I used to live a life of bliss within the shadows of others, shying from the attention, happy to be Azhar’s puppet, but the years at court had changed me. I found myself gravitating towards the spotlight, always pleased when a room would fall silent after entering or when Ladies would find themselves stuttering if my sharp gaze landed on them for too long.
It was hard not to become addicted to it. I’d allowed Azhar to alienate me to the point where I’d forgotten who I was, which House I belonged to, what it meant to be a Vasyx. Now I revelled in it. Alicent had spent the past four years crafting me into a key player of the court and I would do well to not make her teachings go to waste.
It helped that I’d grown into my features of course. My hair grew to the point it reached my lower back - admittedly in effort to emulate the Queen - I began lining my eyes with kohl that Benerro had sourced for me and of course, I could not deny that the years had turned my body to a woman’s.
On my sixteenth nameday I’d been restless for weeks, anticipating an arrangement of betrothal but it did not come. I had wondered the reasons but Alicent had only patted my hand and assured that time was plenty and it needn’t be a concern for now.
Though I was unsure who would be an ideal match. I had yet to meet the Valaryon’s - though I’d once met the Princess Rhaenys in passing when she had visited the King but it had been no more than an exchange of pleasantries - leaving only the Targaryen’s that I knew. The heir to the throne had not visited the Keep since my arrival, leaving only the three I’d grown familiar with. Though Helaena is no option of course.
Aegon was out of the question entirely, his relationship with his mother - and with most people - had only grown worse, he spent his days drinking and whoring, only speaking to make a biting comment or complain that we were boring him. I’d not spoken to him directly since that night in the hallway and he’d made no attempt either.
In the first few weeks following I’d catch his eyes across the room, they followed me everywhere I went. Some nights I’d hear footsteps outside my doors, a drunken whisper calling my name but I never opened them. Then all at once it stopped. No more footsteps, no more watching, just mutual indifference to each other’s existence.
So yes, completely out of the question.
I thought I’d be wed to Aemond surely but the announcement never came. We’d grown closer over the years, never enough to let me in completely but enough that we had a familiar dynamic, which usually consisted of me never stopping to let him speak and him listening quietly. On his worst days he would sit in silence just letting me fill it with tales of court or what book I’d been reading and he would sit with his eye closed until I’d finish, then he’d ask me to tell him something else. It was a comfortable relationship, one I’d grown fond of. I often wondered what a marriage between us would look like, I supposed it would make me happy enough.
I’d even asked the Queen about it on that same nameday I’d turned one and six, but she had simply shook her head and stated that she wanted someone gentler at heart for me, that it was what I deserved. I did not question it further, after all I didn’t mind the extra years of freedom it gave me.
Though I had an inkling it was because she was saving me for Daeron. He was young still, only one and five but Alicent would begin each breakfast with an update on his progress in either his studies, his training or Tessarion his dragon. She would make sure to ask my opinion each time, never forgetting to emphasise how kind she was told he’d become, how gentle.
I was three years his senior but it was no deficit, in fact it was a difference she had insisted would make us fast friends - Daeron had spent most his life in Oldtown after all, he would need guidance upon his return to court.
It was what we were discussing currently. Today was Tuesday which meant I’d break my fast with the Queen before attending my various duties, I’d be doing my final dress fitting for the feast, attending an invite to luncheon with Shireen Rambton who’d wed Ser Alyck Rambton only last Spring and ending the day supping with my Ladies.
“I think it a fine idea for the Prince Daeron to be studying arithmetic, I can’t say I have appreciation for the study itself as I have never learnt, but knowledge is always a noble pursuit” I remarked taking a small sip from my cup before halving a peach tart and placing the other on the Queen’s plate. “Did he mention his reasonings for taking it up?”.
She shook her head lifting the tart to her mouth, “He did not specify, though I would assume being in close proximity with the Citadel exposes one to many ventures”.
“He is wise for his age. Many nobler men would use their wealth for other pursuits, be it entertainment or dice, I am glad he seeks to be a learned man instead”.
This pleased her. A warm smile flickered across her face, “Daeron is the best of us…I do hope you will learn that for yourself in due time”.
I nodded, taking another bite of the tart. “Could you explain the feud between House Blackwood and Bracken once more? I wish not to cause offence when I meet Lord Amos”.
The early morning passed with further teachings of the unstable politics between Houses, I listened attentively mentally filing each case so that it would be of use upon my nameday - I did not want to undo the favour I’d crafted over the years with a slip of tongue after a few cups of Dornish red.
We ended earlier than usual with the Queen slipping away to tend to the King who had only deteriorated further in recent years, he was bed bound most days with the Hand and Queen tending to the needs of the realm in his stead.
I still remember my first meeting with the King. The first thing I’d noticed was the smell.
It’d been almost 9 moons after I’d first arrived at court and the Queen had invited me to a small dinner with the family. It had begun as usual with Helaena and I chatting idly, Aemond closeby listening and Aegon drinking immediately upon arrival. I’d almost dropped my cutlery when the King was announced, the room immediately filling with a subtle scent of rot as he took his seat, his face was chipped away with various grafts and he relied heavily upon his cane to move. I quickly realised that I did not like looking at him for long and I soon noticed that his children did not either.
It took some time for him to notice my presence. I’d been quietly pushing the roasted beef across my plate when he addressed me, “It is almost as if I am looking upon my sister’s face, a boy once more”. I hadn’t noticed he was speaking to me until Helaena gently nudged my leg beneath the table and I looked up to see his decaying face looking directly at me. I managed to mumble a ‘thank you your Grace’ wishing for that to be all but he was in the talkative mood, “One has many regrets in this stage of life, your mother remains one of them. It was unkind of me to become a stranger to her once she left us for Dorne, do you miss her terribly my girl?”.
Not really. “Everyday your Grace, it fills me with much warmth to know I remind you of her”.
Aegon’s scoff across the table was discreet but enough for me to hear, I balled my fist but refused to look, instead my gaze did not waver from the uncomfortably sad smile of the King. “I do hope you will pass my greetings to your brother when you next write him, it fills an old man with much joy to know my dear sister’s children are grown and well”.
“I will make sure to include it your Grace, I am sure Azhar will be overjoyed to know you think of him”. I smiled sweetly to mask my bitterness. I did not know which was more laughable, the idea that Azhar would ever read a letter from me or that I carried the face of the woman I’d brought to death.
A coughing fit retired him to his bed shortly after and I could finally breathe again. I only met with him a handful of times following that, each meeting following the same rhythm of mentioning my mother and promising to extend his well wishes to my brother, the latter of which never happened.
——
“You look beautiful my Lady…you really, really do”. Janyce stood with her mouth slightly agape from behind me in the mirror, Irri shooed her to continue fixing my hair before we left for the feast. I grinned at her through the mirror, she was not wrong, I did look beautiful and I felt it too.
The gown was magnificent.
The bodice, tailored from smooth satin, hugged my figure perfectly, with subtle silver filigree stitched along the low, squared neckline and down the front. The long sleeves began off shoulder and were crafted from lace, extending to my wrists where silver clasps held them snug, a slim silver belt cinched my waist, and the skirt cascaded from there. Layers of black tulle and silk flowed down to the floor, with hints of silver glimmering as I moved. The hem brushed against the ground, the train was modest but elegant, a dark sweep of fabric that followed closely behind, embroidered with tiny silver accents along the edges.
My hair was mostly kept loose, the curls coiled tight as they fell across my back, held with two overlapping braids across the crown, a silver chain woven through it and left to dangle down the back of my head.
The jewellery had been my favourite accent. The valyrian steel set had belonged to my mother in life, gifted by my uncle Daemon on her wedding day. Two dangling vines in my ears matched with a thick vine wrapped across the back and weaving down my neck, resting just above my chest. It felt odd to wear something of hers so intimately gifted but it was a waste for it to collect dust in my draws.
I looked at myself once more, taking in my reflection. Irri had done an excellent job.
No not beautiful, I felt powerful.
“If you continue standing there with your mouth agape I might wonder if you intend to betroth her” Alyse snickered at Janyce who rolled her eyes in response sitting back down. “You do look lovely though my Lady”.
I smiled at my two friends, the excitement bubbling in my stomach. The two girls had become my closest companions over the years, Alyse was always intended to be but Janyce had been most surprising. Whilst she still always reserved a spiteful word or backhanded comment towards any number of courtiers, she had a rather tender side to her that had came out during continued time spent and I had found it quite endearing. She may be a viper at times but she was fiercely loyal, always the first to be angered at any implied disrespect towards me. She’d even once verbally whipped poor Samantha Wayne who’d accidentally asked far too many questions of my relationship with the Princes.
Tara had dropped off over the years, I’d introduced her to Helaena some time ago and the two had formed a quiet companionship, never one found without the other. Helaena was quite some years older than Tara but she did not mind it, of course she wouldn’t considering Tara took a keen interest to her collection of bugs.
It had made me uncomfortable at first to see Helaena take such a fast liking to her. I’d been used to being the only one to witness her rare smiles and moments of affection but I quickly grew out of it. After all, I was spending more time amongst the courtiers and with the Queen or Aemond, it made me feel less guilty knowing Helaena had found a friend of her own.
A quiet knock rapped against the door, Irri opening it to reveal Doran on the other side. He’d paused with wide eyes upon entry and catching sight of me, eliciting a round of giggles from us before he stopped us with a glare.
“I don’t know whether to be proud of the woman you’ve become or hate you for growing up too fast” He finally said after the girls had quietened down.
They only erupted again when I returned his comment with a quick embrace, my arms wrapping his neck tight.
I stepped away and cleared my throat, “Right ladies we best be on our way, can’t be the guest of honour and be late”.
We gathered outside of my chambers and began our walk to the Great Hall pausing only for me to turn to Doran quickly, “Do be sure not to weep extensively, you’ll rust your armour”.
His grunt of annoyance caused a smile to flicker on my face as I resumed walking. Back to normal.
The royal family were already assembled on the dais when I arrived, I swallowed the surprise at seeing even the King sat in the middle, the Queen resting a hand on his arm to his left. It had been some moons since I saw him last. “Your mother would be proud if she could see you now” He rasped as I approached.
I inclined my head with a court smile that turned true when I noticed the seat reserved between Aemond and Helaena, my sweet cousin looking to me with awe as she relayed how wonderful I looked as I took my seat. Aemond only avoided my gaze before speaking a compliment of his own, “You have made quite the statement cousin”. Not the most obvious flattery but I knew him well enough to recognise his appreciation when given.
Aegon didn’t speak a word. He watched me from behind his cups, draining the glass and looking away when I met his gaze. I took no offence to it, I would rather not start the evening with a wry quip from him.
We began by opening gifts from each member of the family. A fine ruby set from the King and Queen, a book on wild dragons from Helaena, even Otto had gifted with a small book on court etiquette. Aemond’s had surprised me most of all, a vial of perfume oil scented with oud, rose and something unfamiliar. I grinned at him from my seat, squeezing his arm in thanks, “This smells divine thank you Aemond, I’ll be sure to make good use of it”.
He nodded with an averted gaze, his eye only looking at me once I dabbed the oil behind my ears and wrists. Rose and oud notes were what I often rotated to when selecting my scents, I hadn’t realised he’d taken notice.
Aegon had gifted a bottle of sweet arbour red, lifting his glass uninterested when I opened the box. How unsurprising.
Once my cup had been filled the King clasped his hands and called for the doors to open for the courtiers who would no doubt be lined outside the hall by now. They trickled in one by one each taking their respective seats, a few approaching the dais with well wishes and gifts.
Lord Boris Baratheon took his time to introduce each of his daughters and presenting fine red silk as a gift. Alicent had long told me he was a prideful man so I made sure to greet his daughters individually, gasping at the material as though I had not worn silk my entire childhood. Cassandra, Maris, Ellyn and Floris. Cassandra had shared that same look of pride in her eye as she bowed to the dais, Ellyn following suit, Maris had been the plainest of his daughters which was overshadowed by her defiant gaze that locked with my own as she bowed her head only, but Floris seemed a touch sweeter than her sisters with a warm smile and a gaze which lingered on Aemond for a moment too long.
I bit back a chuckle as they left, nudging Aemond’s side who only responded with a raised brow of annoyance at the attention. “You can’t blame the courtiers for being intrigued by you” I laughed as he took a long sip of his wine.
“Pleasant but not enough to tempt me”
I laughed again, “Of course, ever the mysterious one. Pray tell, who is enough to sway our dear Prince tonight? The ladies are in their finest”.
His eye bore into my own for a beat before he turned back towards the front indicating the conversation was at an end, I rolled my eyes in amusement before taking a sip of my own. I scanned the room taking in the faces, pausing upon the Dayne’s who sat a small distance from the dais only conversing amongst themselves. Helia Dayne had grown into quite the woman, with long black silk hair and sharp brown eyes, her dress a pale gold and decorated with gold jewellery. I felt nervous as I looked at her, she was the only one in the room who knew the truth behind the court mask, who had known me before my time in King’s Landing.
The man to her right piqued my curiosity. Elias Dayne, the heir to Starfall and her older brother of five years, Helia was a year older than I which would make him two and four. I remembered him vaguely from childhood, he had sparred with Azhar once, flattening him on his back with ease. They had only been one and three at the time, now he had grown into a man. I suppressed a shudder as he met my eyes, lifting a glass slightly with a hint of a smirk.
He was terribly handsome.
Enough that it caused a flush across my cheeks as they approached the dais, Lord and Lady Dayne trading a few words of flattery before moving onto the King, leaving their children to reacquaint. Helia had smiled widely, her eyes twinkling as she spoke, “It feels as though no time has passed my Lady, I almost imagine us girls again”. The awkwardness I’d been waiting for in apprehension had never arrived, immediately warming to the girl as we spoke. We’d agreed to speak more through the night and hoped to see much of each other during the week of their stay.
The awkwardness returned in full however when Elias took her place. He had cropped hair that curled around his ears and sharp cheekbones with a squared jaw, his eyes held the same gleam in them as his sister’s when he spoke, “Lady Vasyx if I had known what a woman you would have become I would’ve been less hesitant to leave your court so soon in my youth”.
My tongue felt tied as I sought an answer to him, thanking the Gods for Aemonds swift interruption saving me from embarrassment, “Lord Dayne, I have heard you are quite the swordsman, I hope to test it out in coming days”. His voice was clipped and cool, flicking the table knife between his fingers.
Elias looked between us in amusement, offering an ‘Of course my Prince’ before returning to me almost immediately, “I would be most grateful if you would save me a dance tonight my Lady, I am sure you will have little time away from the floor but it would be a fine compliment to have a moment with the guest of honour”.
I could only nod in agreement, not trusting my voice in the moment, my eyes following him as the Dayne’s returned to their seats. Helaena let out a hushed giggle beside me, “I have never seen you quite so nervous cousin”.
“Oh shut it will you? I’m embarrassed enough” I whispered back before joining her laughter with an eye roll.
“If you both are finished, your food is becoming chilled” Aemond was becoming a fan of interrupting me it seemed. I gave him a lazy mock salute, much to his displeasure, as I began taking a few bites.
I made quick work of my meal, in the excitement building up to the event I had neglected my earlier meal times and I found myself ravenous. Once finished I made my way over to Janyce and Alyse who had sat with their respective families close to the dais. We exchanged our thoughts on the new faces, sharing one too many giggles at the mention of Elias Dayne and began planning our dances for the night.
“Well I am keeping my card open for my dear Lord Belmore, he looks just as handsome as ever tonight” Janyce remarked, gesturing to the man in question who was engaged in conversation with Ser Brax, both men laughing loudly. He was comely but I would not call him handsome, though Janyce did not share my thoughts of course, she had long staked her claim on the man. Her brother Loras huffed beside her to which she gave an exaggerated scowl.
“And you Alyse? Any of our fine attendees catching your eye?” I asked knowingly. As if she would ever say another name than Corwyn Darkwood. The Cressey’s and Darkwood’s had long been allied houses and after one too many glasses of wine some years previous, Alyse had finally revealed the two had been childhood sweethearts, wishing to one day have Corwyn approaching her father for her hand.
She pulled my arm to hush me as he approached. He was a well mannered man who made sure to greet us individually before offering his hand to his sweetheart and leading her to the floor, I smiled at my friend as she left, it was rare thing to find love in our positions.
“You best make your presence known to Lord Belmore Jaynce, it seems Lady Fossoway shares your tastes” I said in amusement, watching Elayne Fossoway rest her hand on Lord Belmore’s shoulder. That was enough to spark Janyce to life as she swiftly made her way over to interrupt.
I spent the first half of the night dancing with Ser Brynden Gardener, his younger brother Clement and Alyse’s elder brother Justin before retaking my seat at the dais to catch my breath and refresh myself with some more wine.
Helaena had busied herself in the corner with Tara leaving me only with Aemond for company, the latter looking as unimpressed as ever as he watched the courtiers. “I’m surprised you have lasted this long, I was sure you would steal away as soon as the plates cleared” I said to him once my breath had evened.
“It is your nameday after all, it would be unkind of me to leave so soon”
“How very sweet of you cousin”. I stopped to mull a thought over before giving him a mischievous grin, standing to my feet with an outstretched hand, “Well since you’re in such a kind mood, you’ll have to dance with me”.
He looked at my hand blankly, “I don’t dance”.
I rolled my eyes and tugged at his arm, “Come it’s my nameday, you must dance with me”.
“You forget you do not command me my Lady”.
I laughed pulling his arm further, “I’m not commanding you I’m asking you. Please?”. I asked with a smile, my hands still wrapped around his arm.
He drained his glass before setting it down with a heavy clatter, his gaze did not meet my own as he stood and dragged my hand towards the floor. He held me at a respectable distance, nodding as the music began once more and we followed in tune.
“Considering you ‘don’t dance’, you move with remarkable ease”.
“I said that I don’t dance, not that I did not know how”.
“Fair enough” I chuckled, allowing him to lead me to the chipper tune.
“You’ve had quite the array of partners tonight”.
“Hardly” I laughed, “Justin Cressey is a delight of course, but the Gardener boys seem to not have spent a day in court previous, they barely said a word to me. Poor Clement is still a boy, I’m sure he was redder than the silk gifted by Lord Borros”.
The words did not amuse him, “A delight you say?”.
“As my dear friend’s older brother yes” I assured him, pushing his shoulder slightly.
As the dance concluded he made a move to separate but I held him firm, “You won’t escape me that easily, just a few more dances I promise”.
He grunted but obliged, his shoulders firm as the next began. After a moment passed I spoke again, “I’m sure I have quite a few envious eyes directed my way, I doubt the ladies of court are pleased for me to steal so much of your attention”.
“I care little what pleases them” He replied, his hand tightening around my own.
I smiled at that, I could not deny the pride I felt at winning his attention over the courtiers, he rarely spoke with others aside from his mother, Ser Criston or Helaena. “Admit it you enjoy my company” I couldn’t help but add, laughing at the flicker of annoyance in his face.
“You’re quite childish, do you know that?” To which I nodded enthusiastically.
“You like me more for it” I added, feeling victorious when he chose not to respond.
We spent a few more dances together and I filled them with the latest gossip I’d heard through the night, how Lady Bettley did indeed have a young babe so soon after marriage, almost too early and that Lord Meryn’s daughter Anne looked more like his wife’s sword shield than his own. He said little but listened nonetheless, his mouth quirking in amusement as I rambled on, eager to not miss any details.
When we parted I was almost saddened it had come to an end, following him closely as I continued my stories. He pulled the seat at the dais for me to take but I didn’t manage to sit as Elias Dayne finally made his way over to claim his dance. The small smile was stripped from Aemond’s face as I flustered and accepted Elias’ hand, following his lead to the floor.
“You’re causing quite the stir Lord Dayne, it has been some time since we welcomed your House here at court” I began as we took our places, he grip was loose and playful as he took the lead.
“Here at court” He mused, turning me effortlessly, “It sounds strange to hear you speak of King’s Landing as your home and not the Emerald Palace”.
“I find myself more at home here in truth my Lord”.
“So you have found your place amongst the Targaryen’s?” His voice almost cooled on that note before picking up again, “I always thought it unwise for the Lord Vasyx to send you away from Dorne, what can these empty lands and people offer in place of our home?”.
I felt a surge of defensiveness at his words. It was strange, I had longed for Dorne ever since my arrival but hearing the slight come from another’s lips at the family who had taken me in filled me with annoyance. “You forget that House Vasyx is a Valyrian one my Lord, and that House Targaryen is my kin”
He chuckled, “Yes how can one forget? Your Lord brother never hesitates to remind us. ‘Our blood is our vengeance’. Valyrian’s do make their blood purity known do they not?”
My brows furrowed hearing my House words used in jest, I was quickly coming to dislike this man, no matter how handsome he may be.
As though reading my thoughts he laughed and moved our clasped hands to his chest, “Do not mistake my words for insult my Lady, I admit that I am a proud man. I only find myself hurt that your hand is refused for any within Dorne and only of those who share your blood”.
“You think you would be leading the race if it were not?” I responded dryly, moving our hands back to position.
“Who knows? I certainly would’ve tried” His wink caused an unwilling laugh to emit from me, finding enjoyment in his company once more. He certainly had a sharp wit to him and was not tight lipped with his remarks, annoyingly I had to admit it was refreshing against court pleasantries.
“I am quickly reminded of home when you speak” I admitted with a small smile, “I forgot how upfront the Dornish are, my guards certainly do not speak as loosely as you do”.
He laughed again as he twirled me once more, bringing me flush to him, causing a scatter of nerves within my stomach, “You will soon be overwhelmed by it should you take up my sister’s offer of tea, she has not known when to stay silent a day in her life”. That much I remembered, Helia had always been quick to rope me into some scheme to spy on our brother’s or sneak into the kitchen’s after hours.
I fought against my blush, raising my eyes to meet his “I’m sure I’ll be most welcome of it, we were girls together once, I am eager to see how much she has changed”.
“Well if you find yourself tiring of her, I am never hard to find” His eyes held a hint of mischief promising nothing good would come of his company and I found myself taking a strange liking to it.
“Perhaps I may take you up on your offer, though only time will tell of course”.
We shared a few more dances together until my feet tired and I excused myself to sit. He had been exhilarating company, his hands daring in their movements, always pulling me a touch too close or brushing where they should not. I knew it would not be smart of me to spend time with him alone, and I knew that I would not make the mistake of doing so…but imagining it would be no harm.
When I made my way back to the dais I frowned at its emptiness, the King had retired almost immediately following the meal and the Queen shortly after, Helaena of course had most likely followed Tara to a secluded section of the castle away from the noise but Aemond had slipped away also.
I sighed internally but could not fault him for it, he had after all stayed longer than usual and even danced with me, it would be greedy to expect more. Even Aegon was strangely missing, he was usually the last to leave. Often times being pulled away by Ser Criston, flagon still in hand but he was nowhere to be seen. I looked over to where his usual ensemble of idiots sat, Leon Estermont sat leering at serving women whilst the rest guffawed into their cups loudly, but still no sight of Aegon. He’s probably already found a woman to bed.
My curiosity was replaced by fond amusement as I watched the rest of the courtiers, particularly Alyse blushing into her hands whilst Corwyn whispered in her ear and Janyce finally getting her dance with Lord Belmore. I felt a wave of happiness as I watched the scene, I felt as though I truly belonged within it, a bystander no more.
Although, my feet ached and the wine was causing my head to spin, it would be best to retire before I collapsed of exhaustion mid conversation with another House. The merriment was high and the night growing late, most would not notice my absence if I left now so I took the opportunity to do exactly that.
As I quietly slipped past the doors I noticed that it was not only the courtiers joining the merriment, Doran was leant against the wall whispering to a very flustered Hanna Kyndall. I held back a laugh, having to take a deep breath as to not alert him of my presence. I took the chance to escape him and make my way to my chambers alone, I had not seen himself act only as a man and not my sworn sword for some time - it would do him well.
I padded through the hallways, my steps growing more confident the further I got away from the hall and towards my chambers. It wouldn’t take me long to reach my destination and I knew it would be the better idea than the one I was thinking but my mind hand gone blank the minute I passed the balcony on the Western corridor. To say my mind was completely blank would be a lie, in truth it had one thing wreaking havoc in it. Aegon.
He sat slumped against the wall with his head turned to the night sky, one leg bent with his arm resting over it. I willed my feet to turn around and continue walking, I really, really did try, but they remained rooted to the ground as I stared at him.
Maybe it was the wine or the the sentimental note I’d left the feast on but I found myself sitting across from him and speaking, “Sometimes I find myself staring at the moon too, wondering how many others are also sat mirroring my actions”.
His face was instantly guarded when he turned to me “What are you doing?” He demanded.
I ignored his question, turning back to look to the skies, “I would think to myself ‘what could they be feeling in this moment?’, are they happy? Sad? Lonely even? It’s rather romantic when you look at it like that, humans are so divided yet every one of them pauses even just a moment to think that the moon is beautiful. From the dawn of time to now, and probably long after we’re dead, nothing changes”.
“You sound like Helaena” he huffed taking a swig from his flagon, “Though I’m sure Aemond loves it…and if you haven’t noticed neither of them are here, so what in the seven hells are you doing?”.
“You left the feast early” I said simply.
“What are you that offended someone didn’t want to stick around for your nameday?” He remarked sarcastically, his words almost cut short with a cough.
“Maybe so. I find myself rather vain these days”.
He scoffed taking another swig, “I can tell. If it’s not my brother following after you, you’ve had every fucking courtier panting at your heels. You were practically eye-fucking that Dornish twat by the end of it. You love it don’t you? Love seeing men flocking to you” he sneered by the end of his sentence and I swallowed the annoyance of his emphasis of Elias being from Dorne.
Instead I shrugged, “I wouldn’t use those words exactly” I was more surprised he had stuck around for that long, “Why did you leave so soon, it’s unlike you”.
He searched my expression for a moment before smacking his lips and looking away, “Just felt like shit”.
We sat in silence for a while, him taking regular pulls of his bottle and I watching the moon. His head began to roll against the wall slightly and I took a moment to look at him, to really look. His hair was almost wet with sweat and sticking to his face, his cheek flushed red and his pupils dilated. His hands shook each time he lifted his drink to his mouth and his movements were sloppy, the wine trickling from his lips. He was drunk sure enough…but something was off, even more than usual.
“Seven Hells. Aegon are you burning a fever?”
I shuffled to him, pressing the back of my hands on his cheek and forehead. He slapped my hands away complaining ‘they were too cold’ and that I was bothering him. “Your face is practically on fire Aegon, we need to get you to a Maester”.
“No” he blurted, “No Maester”.
“Who gave you the stupid idea to drink this heavily when you weren’t feeling well, how on earth was this ever going to end on a good note”
“Stop acting like you care” He slurred, pushing my arm away though it was too weak of a push to actually move me.
I sighed and ran a hand over my face, “You’ll get even worse if you stay out here any longer, come we need to get you to Maester Orwyle”.
“No” he repeated, “Orwyle will only report back to my mother, I’ve disappointed her enough today. Elyzha please”. His eyes were wide and desperate, his hand clasping my forearm as I sat next to him. Gods those eyes again.
I wasn’t sure if it was the pleading tone of his voice or the fact that when he looked at me like that I’d offer him the world, but I found myself nodding involuntarily. “At least help me get you back to your chambers, I really can’t have you staying out here”.
He looked as though he wanted to fight me on it but something, presumably the weariness of his fever, made him relent. He allowed me to take his arm as he used the other to lean on the wall for support as he rose. It was the sight of him swaying on his heels and nearly taking the both of us back down with him that made me realise how bad he really was. I couldn’t help but feel so much sympathy it turned my stomach sick, he looked on the verge of death and no one had noticed, no one at all.
He leaned on me heavily, to the point my shoulders were aching by the time we reached his rooms. Luckily they weren’t too far from the balcony but it took twice the amount of time with Aegon catching his feet and the recovery needed when he did. Every step had him looking as though he would vomit and he clung to me like a lifeline. Considering the circumstances I think I was in this moment.
When we entered the room I instantly noticed the disarray, clothes flung across the floor and on each of the furnishings, with empty goblets taking up most surface spaces. I held back from making a quip, there was plenty of time to lecture him in the morning.
He practically collapsed onto the bed, pulling me along with him as a consequence and causing choked laughter from him, “I finally got you into my bed”.
I huffed and pushed myself back to my feet in annoyance, if he hadn’t been so feverish I might have smothered him with his own pillow. I chewed the inside of my cheek as I looked down at him, I couldn’t refer him to Orwyle but I couldn’t leave him like this either, he was half drunk and completely wrought with fever. His eyes were heavy and I could see his struggle to keep them open.
I stepped into his solar and to his writing desk, scribbling down a short list of ingredients and folding it into my hands. “Give me a moment, I’ll be right back”.
He made a sound of protest that was quickly muffled as I shut the door on him.
I made sure to put a few hallways of distance between myself and his chambers before stopping a servant boy, “Fetch these ingredients from the kitchens and bring them back to me, there may be a few you need to get from Maester Orwyle, if he asks why tell him the Lady Vasyx wishes to soothe her head after the festivities”.
I watched him disappear down the hallway and waited for his return with bated breath. I leant against the wall and closed my eyes for a moment, the wine had all but left my system but I was utterly exhausted and still dressed head to toe in my evening wear. I thought over my options, the boy need some time to gather all I’d requested and my rooms were not extremely far from where I was, I could surely slip into something more comfortable and be back before him.
I was almost embarrassed with how quickly I rushed to my rooms and slipped into my chamise and gown wrapping it tightly across the middle. Aegon would surely not do the same for me so why in the Gods names am I doing this for him?
Because no one else will.
The thought was enough to bring back the wave of sympathy as I sighed and made my way back to the hallway. I had taken some time it seemed as the boy was stood nervously waiting for me when I arrived. He handed what I’d requested in a bowl and bowed once I dismissed him.
When I returned to Aegon’s chambers his eyes were closed and his breathing rapid. I laid down my ingredients on the table beside his bed and got to work immediately, filling the bowl with a pitcher of water and soaking the rag I’d requested within it.
He gasped when I began dabbing his face, a slight moan passing from his lips as it cooled his cheeks. I pushed his matted hair away from his forehead and diligently pressed the rag across his skin, wiping away the thin layer of sweat that had formed.
“Why are you doing this?” He whispered through half lidded eyes, his voice coming out with a light rasp.
“I assure you I have no idea myself” I sighed and continued working.
When I reached the bottom of his neck I internally groaned at the position if found myself in, “Utter one word and I’ll leave you here. I’m only doing this because you’ll sweat yourself to death if I don’t”. His brows pulled in confusion at my words before erupting in a half hearted laugh as I lifted him up and began removing his tunic. His head rested on my shoulder as I sat him up, hissing each time I moved him.
Once the tunic was removed I unlaced his shirt to reveal his chest and began working my way down it with the rag, rinsing and wringing it every so often. Heat spread to my cheeks at the soft sounds coming from his mouth as I did so, having to remind myself sternly that it was due to the cooling effect of the cloth and not the intimacy of the moment.
“That feels so good” he groaned with a furrowed brow, his eyes pressed firmly shut.
There was a thick tension in the air as I continued working across his skin, almost wincing when I noticed his feverish eyes watching me whilst I tended to him. His breathing was laboured and ragged but I still felt it hitch every time a finger would brush against his chest.
“You’re surprisingly gentle” He chuckled weakly, “I thought you hated me...why are you being so kind?”.
“I don’t hate you Aegon. You’re an idiot and I hate how much you drink…but I don’t hate you”.
I drew a sharp breath as his hand grasped my own, flattening it against his chest, the cool rag subduing the heat it rose in me. “For years you’ve barely spoken a word to me” He murmured, his eyes searching my own, a flicker of vulnerability in them. His hand was clammy and it burned into my skin, his grip weak but almost desperate.
“I didn’t think you wanted me to”.
“You don’t even look at me anymore” He whispered in a hoarse voice, “Are you that disgusted when you see me?”
I sighed, looking to the ceiling before returning to him, “Regardless of what you think, you know I don’t actually hate you right?”.
“Don’t lie to me Elyzha” His laugh coming out strangled, “my own mother wishes I were anyone else, you don’t have to pretend”.
I shook my head and pulled my hand free, returning the rag to the bowl and setting out the rest of the ingredients. “You have it all wrong…it saddens me to see you”. I mixed the turmeric with aniseed and valerian root, using the left over water in the pitcher to make a cold tea. “It matters little to me whether you’re wise or intelligent, skilled with a sword or well versed with strategy…I only wish that you were happier”. I lit a cube of Myrrh, inhaling the sweet fumes as I set it beside his bed.
“Here drink this” I instructed softly, taking a seat beside him and pressing the glass to his lips. He watched me with a look I couldn’t decipher before nodding slowly and taking a few slow sips, he spluttered at the taste but continued drinking after my warning look.
Once satisfied, I put the cup down and urged him to open his mouth, placing a small piece of willow bark on his tongue. “Chew it slowly, I know the taste isn’t pleasant, I’m sorry”.
“How do you know how to do all of this?”
I laughed gently, “Irri has always been rather…protective of me let’s say, she would always refuse help from Maester’s when I’d fall ill as a child. She prefers simpler medicines, the way of her ancestors”. A fond smile made its way to my lips at the memory, “It may be old fashioned but it’s effective”.
He looked as though in awe, his hand lightly toying with the cuff of my sleeve. “I can’t remember the last time anyone touched me so tenderly…without me paying for it at least”.
I bit my lip at the thought of his hobbies, how long had he been seeking affection he could only pay for?
“Never mind that now, get some rest” I said soothingly, brushing my hand across his hair and testing his temperature once more. His skin was cooler to the touch, that alone was enough to fill me with relief, at the bare minimum he wouldn’t die on me through the night.
He nodded, his eyes flickering closed a few moments before he opened them again, his gaze foggy with exhaustion, “Please don’t be gone when I wake”.
“Aegon I can’t stay here…it would be inappropriate. My being here now is enough to cause scandal”. I could mentally picture the Queen’s horrified face if she could see me sitting so closely with her first born son.
“Please” he begged, his hand clutching my sleeve. “Just for tonight. I’ll never speak a word of it, I swear to you”.
I believed him. Against my better judgment I really did.
I reluctantly nodded, leaning against the bedpost as he exhaled in relief, his body settling once he realised I would stay by his side.
I continued to watch him as sleep met him soon after, his chest moving slowly and deeply with each breath. I’d never seen him so quiet, so unburdened by his troubles, I found myself fighting the urge to touch him, to run my hand along his face.
It didn’t take long for my own exhaustion to catch up with me and I curled at the edge of his bed, my head resting on his calf as my eyes flickered shut. I knew I had unlocked something dangerous tonight, that it would change the way we saw each other after today but I couldn’t bring myself to care. If only for a moment, I had witnessed him truly at peace.