Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He tries to ignore the way Nanami is staring at him as he swallows back the curse, trying to choke down the putrid taste and get it past his throat to disappear into his body with the rest of his stored curses. He breathes out harshly when he feels it melding with the others, swirling in his gut, trying not to feel sick to his stomach as he breaks out in a cold sweat. It's been a while since he's had to consume a curse but a semi-grade 2 makes a decent addition to his arsenal. He shudders and doesn't quite manage to tamp it down in time.

"There's a vending machine not too far from here; I'll get you a drink," Nanami offers and waits a beat before walking off in the direction of it.

"Thanks," he croaks out even as he turns to follow the blond, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he goes.

It's a rare double mission today, back-to-back only because of their proximity, separated only by a single train stop away. The both of them were more than enough to deal with the handful of grade 3s loitering in the basement of a school, taking care of it quickly enough that nobody really batted an eyelash at their swift entry and exit of the property. The semi-grade 2 hiding out in the top floor of a renovating department store gave them a bit more trouble, especially with the scaffolding and security tape spaced around across the floor but not enough to make Suguru whip out more than one curse to help take care of it.

Nanami hands over a cold bottle of green tea and he thanks him as he takes it, cracking the top open to take a long drink and feeling the coolness of it soothe his aching throat.

"Good work out there," he says as he finishes swallowing, watching as Nanami picks up another bottle of green tea for himself.

"You, as well," he returns, as serious as ever and Suguru can't help the feeling of guilt when he takes in the tired expression on the other's face, remembering that Nanami is still in mourning.

He liked Haibara. He'd liked him a lot, and he knows Nanami did, too.

"How are you holding up?" He asks and it upsets him a little bit to see the mild look of surprise on the other's face at being asked this and he wonders if nobody else other than him and Satoru have checked in on him recently, or if Nanami expected so little of his senpais that he can't help but be surprised at being asked after.

"...Better than I was."

"That's good. I'm glad," he smiles, as honest as he can be despite the cloud of sorrow hanging over them. His throat still hurts but it hurts less than the image of seeing Haibara in the morgue while Nanami sat nearby staring listlessly at what's left of his friend, eyes red with no more tears left to cry. "Come on, there's a bakery at the train station; my treat."

"You don't have to," he says, shifting his weight from side to side, looking a little awkward and trying hard not to be.

He grins, "I'm getting stuff for Satoru and the girls anyway, might as well," he jerks his head towards the train station and starts walking, taking small sips of his drink as he goes.

It's not a far walk, only ten minutes on foot, but it forces them to pass through a busy food street, people hawking their menus left and right while waving to get their attention. It makes something itch inside of him and he does his best to look unaffected and uninterested as they walk through the masses. Before long, they're turning into the station, taking the steps down until they reach the ticket area with the small bakery tucked into a wall.

The display shelves are lined with croissants, cream puffs, cake slices and cookies. Hot and cold foods, sweet and savory. He gets a couple of eclairs, a couple of danishes, some savory mushroom tarts, a sourdough loaf and a pack of 12 macarons to share. "What about you?" He asks, turning to Nanami who's watching the server pack their sizable order into a large paperbag and eventually points at a dessert on the bottom shelf.

"One carrot cake, please."

"Make that two, please," he says as he takes out his wallet and starts mentally calculating how many 1000 yen bills he'd need for the whole thing.

The transaction goes by quickly and he's got the bottle of green tea tucked into his pocket and his arm around the paperbag as they make their way through the station to stand at their platform. They'd just missed one but he knows another one is only a few minutes away so they're not in for a particularly long wait.

Suguru's listening to the drone of the overhead speakers from another nearby platform announcing that their train is about to arrive and to stand behind the yellow line for safety when Nanami suddenly asks him, "Are you upset?"

"Upset?" He blinks at the question, unsure where it came from, trying to backtrack as to what might've prompted this.

Nanami shifts his eyes over to him briefly before looking back ahead again, "That I'm choosing to leave at the end of the school year."

"Oh," he breathes out in mild relief, "No. I get why you want to and I don't blame you for leaving."

"You don't think it's cowardly?"

"No," he says again with a quiet shake of his head, furrowing his eyebrows as he thinks about how differently things would've turned out if Haibara had lived, or...if Satoru hadn't. "I think if Satoru had actually died from that mission...there's a good chance I would've either accidentally gotten myself killed during a mission because I got too sloppy or...probably leave, too."

"Oh..."

He shrugs but realizes that's too apathetic a gesture for this type of conversation, "I'm...lucky, that Satoru's the way he is," he confesses quietly.

"I guess they weren't lying when they called him a god--"

"He's not a god," he snaps, and immediately feels sheepish about it, "Sorry. He's...he's not a god and he puts up a good front about it but he doesn't like that's all people think of when they look at him."

Nanami looks momentarily stunned but the expression eventually fades to understanding, "I see."

He winces. "Sorry."

"Don't be."

The overhead speaker right above them announces their own train bound for arrival soon and Suguru adjusts the weight of the bag in his arms as he prepares himself to step into what might be a crowded train compartment. He's pleased when it's only half full upon arrival with some empty seats to spare but he opts to stand by the doors for a quicker exit once they reach their stop and sees Nanami do the same on the opposite side of him.

"Gojo-senpai is annoying, and lazy, and obnoxious, and embarrassing--"

Suguru snorts, smirking at the blond as he keeps listing things about Satoru that are less than stellar.

"--but I can tell that he's a good person."

His smirk softens into a smile, feeling hopelessly proud and helplessly fond. "...Yeah, he is."

Neither of them speak for the rest of the train ride and they walk in comfortable silence as they make the trek back to the school.

They're at the foot of the stairs leading up to the campus when he misses Haibara suddenly. So suddenly that it almost feels as if he'd accidentally walked into a dip in the path even though there's nothing there, his stomach swooping in surprise. He misses Haibara's smile and laugh and positivity and energy, and knows without a doubt that Nanami misses him even more so, and feels like he owes it to them both to say something. 

"Nanami-kun."

"Yes?" He asks, turning from where he'd taken the first step up.

"I'm sorry, about Haibara-kun. I don't think I...I don't think I ever said it before."

The paperbag crinkles in his hands and he watches as Nanami swallows hard, eyes a little wide and more than a little pained. There's still grief on the lines of his face but there's also a calm acceptance to it, like he's beginning to feel the smallest bit at peace over his best friend's passing.

"...Thank you."

---

It is with great regret that after nearly three months of bliss, they finally come to the realization they need to go clothes shopping for the twins. They couldn't live off Yaga-sensei's hand-me-downs forever anyway, not with the girls finally reaching what's supposed to be an average weight for their age group. They'd been a little bit on the small side when they arrived, a touch malnourished and severely abused, but proper meals and stability helped them grow up faster than either Suguru or Satoru can keep up with. The timing works out well though, because the shoes the girls were wearing when they'd brought them back to the school are starting to pinch their toes in a bad way.

Suguru's nervous as the girls get dressed in the hand-me-downs for possibly the last time today as they get ready to head out. He thinks he does a good job of hiding it but one look into Mimiko and Nanako's equally nervous expressions tells him he failed in that regard.

"Is Satoru-nii-chan coming with us, too?" Nanako asks as she wrings her hands nervously around the bottom hem of her shirt.

"Yeah, of course," he smiles as he checks his pockets for his things one last time before ushering the girls out the door. "He said he had something to do for a little bit but will meet us at the bottom of the stairs."

"Okay," the twins say together as they each take his hand and start walking with Suguru.

He tries to tamp down his nerves because he doesn't want it to leach out for the girls to absorb but at the same time he can't quite shake off the feeling.

It's one thing to leave for missions but it's another to actively go out and surround himself with monkeys. Mimiko and Nanako haven't been exposed to a lot of people since the village, mostly himself, Satoru, Shoko, Yaga-sensei and Nanami, and he's worried about whether or not they might get overwhelmed with it, might want to hide away from it.

Worse comes to worse, Suguru decides they'll just call it early and try again another day as they start their careful descent down the stairs.

He can already see Satoru at the bottom, waving up to them as he jogs up to meet them halfway.

"Hey, was wondering what was taking you guys so long," he teases as he goes to the other side of Mimiko and holds her hand the rest of the way down.

"Would've been faster if I had help," he grits out although he's not actually upset, just a touch nervous. "Where'd you go anyway?"

"Had some things to take care of but no biggie; just some errands," he replies, laid back as they step off the stairs and start walking towards the train station.

It's not often that Satoru isn't open with him about where he's been or what he's been up to, with the exception of certain topics, namely; his family. He hums and decides not to push, figures that if it's important enough, Satoru will eventually let him know.

The girls are enamored by the train ride going into the city even though it's only for a few stops. He and Satoru decided it would be best if they chose a department store that's a little closer to the school than inside central Tokyo, opting for convenience and less foot traffic than if they went into the heart of such a bustling city. Both Mimiko and Nanako are looking around with wide, curious eyes, but Suguru can tell they're a bit anxious with how tight they're holding onto his fingers as they walk out of the train station onto the streets, immediately heading for the department store he can see the top of just a couple of blocks away.

Satoru gets side-tracked by a small bakery specializing in shokupan and melonpan of different flavors and he ropes the twins into picking something to munch on while they make their way over to their actual destination. It's a distraction tactic and it works when the girls shyly ask for a lemon flavored melonpan and a chocolate chip one.

"Suguru! Pick one!" Satoru grins as he bites into a tiramisu melonpan before he's even paid for it.

He rolls his eyes but gets the basic flavor and tells Satoru to get a shokupan to bring back to the school later.

"Sure, sure!" He says as he pulls out his card and then promptly asks for a strawberry flavored melonpan to replace the one he'd just inhaled.

Both Mimiko and Nanako are happily snacking away on the bread while walking hand-in-hand with one of theirs and Suguru can hear the bag carrying the shokupan swinging wildly with how Satoru is inhaling the second melonpan into his gut. If Suguru didn't know any better, he'd think Satoru had his own version of Cursed Spirit Manipulation but just for desserts. He smothers a laugh by taking in a big bite of the baked good, feeling the crunch of the topping crack under his teeth, giving way to the soft fluffy bread. It's tasty and he gets why Satoru polished his off so quickly.

The department store is filled with bright lights as they walk in. It's a little bit busier than what he was expecting but not as bad as it could've been if they'd gone further into the city. He tells himself to deal with it as he looks around for a directory and finds it located by the escalators going onto the next floor up.

The floor they're after is on the third level but the one below that is filled with toys and he's not sure which one is worse: Satoru losing focus of their original reason for coming because he's not so secretly a child at heart, or the girls getting distracted by them because they probably didn't grow up with a lot of toys back in that monkey village of theirs.

He frowns and decides a trip to the toy section probably isn't a bad idea anyway so they go up past the first floor where the books and dvd's and newfangled blu-rays are, then up to the second where they're immediately greeted by rows of gachapons and toys and dolls. He's not surprised to hear quiet little gasps of amazement from the twins and even less surprised when Satoru immediately beelines for the gachapons and whips out his coin pouch for some 100 yen coins.

"Nanako, Mimiko! Come on, let's play on a few!" He grins, eyes bright and happy as he pours out a small handful of coins and starts to separate out the 500 yens from the 100 yens.

They end up spending a decent chunk of time there, the girls deliberating seriously about which gachapon they want to try with the coins they have even though Satoru insists to them they can play on as many as they want as long as they're fair to each other. Suguru chuckles and is somewhat amazed by the ease with which Satoru is handling the kids. It makes him happy suddenly, that despite what's happened to the both of them, they can still find pockets of contentment.

"Suguru! Help us open these up!"

He huffs a little under his breath but doesn't fight the pleased feeling growing in his chest as he crouches by the girls to see what prizes they end up winning together.

---

"Does this count as a date?" Suguru asks while the girls are trying on different shoes of different designs, walking and skipping and running to see if they like it or not.

Satoru hums as he thinks before deciding, "Nope, because we didn't get to hold hands."

He laughs, "Is that the only criteria?"

"I can think of a couple more but hand holding should be the minimum, right?"

"Fair enough," he shrugs and smiles when Mimiko comes over holding up the pair of shoes that she wants while Nanako is still trying to decide between three different styles.

Satoru ends up paying for two new pairs of shoes to add to their mountain of purchases and when the girls are distracted by a small stall selling different types of kohakuto, Satoru sneaks his hand into Suguru's and then whispers into his ear, "Now it's a date."

He chuckles and squeezes the fingers interlocked with his, feeling happy when there's an answering squeeze back.

---

Suguru finds himself sitting on the bed with his back to the wall next to Satoru again after their shopping trip, both Mimiko and Nanako tuckered out from the excitement of today's outing and sleeping splayed out on their bed. It won't be long until they outgrow that small bed and he's not sure if they'll be receptive to the idea of sleeping next door on their own just yet. He doesn't really want to sleep in that bed anyway, more than happy to keep sharing with Satoru and fall asleep tangled together and wake up the exact same way.

"Were you serious about that house, by the way?" He asks as he keeps watching the girls sleeping to recover back some energy.

"Yeah, of course," Satoru smirks as he knocks his shoulder into Suguru's as he jerks his head over to the multiple shopping bags just inside the door, completely blocking their narrow hallway into the rest of the room. "Did watching me provide for the kids finally prove my eligibility to you?" 

"Shut up," he says without any bite even as he returns the motion with a light elbow jab to hide the fact that he's a little embarrassed to be swooning over Satoru still even though they've already known each other for years at this point. Their relationship is still new but it makes Suguru feel like some of his rough edges are smoothing out under Satoru's light touches.

"Awh, you're blushing; that's so cute," Satoru teases him with a poke to the cheek and Suguru, feeling a little called out, roughly shoves him over onto the bed and wraps his hands around his throat to quiet him up but it doesn't stop Satoru from chuckling anyway, stretching out his throat in response that makes heat build up in his gut at the gesture.

"You're a menace," he mutters out even as he leans over the other to more easily bury his fingers into white hair and keep his other hand close to that beating pulse point.

"But you love me anyway," he grins, a little jokingly but Suguru can tell the slightly nervous pinch in the corner of those blue eyes, the only sign that belies Satoru's true thoughts, and Suguru's not one for beating around the bush as he leans over and brushes his lips over pale pink ones.

"Yeah, I kinda do," he confesses as he kisses the other softly on the lips, at the corner of his mouth, his cheek, his forehead, feeling thankful that he gets to have this, that Satoru is still here with him, despite all the odds that seemed like it was completely stacked against them.

Suguru pulls away a little to sit back on the bed properly when long fingers reach behind his neck to pull him back down and he can't help but smile into another kiss as Satoru repeats the same motion; lips, corner of the mouth, cheek then forehead.

"You don't play fair," Satoru mutters into his hairline and Suguru doesn't have to see it to know he's pouting.

He laughs, holding him close and feeling that warmth seep into his bones. "Nope. But neither do you."

Suguru feels Satoru's grin on his skin as he says back, "Sounds like a match made in heaven."

---

It takes a while to get Mimiko and Nanako used to the idea of other people. They accepted Shoko into their tiny circle because Suguru and Satoru had to bring them to her to be healed. They accepted Shoko because she touched them gently with the purpose of mending their wounds, not hurt them further. They accepted Shoko because she gave them stickers and lollipops and purposefully withheld them from Satoru even as he whined about it, expertly diffusing the tension and the fear and the anxiety with teasing jokes and laughter.

He loves Shoko for that and he knows Shoko loves the girls too, even if they're not quite there yet with their affections. It's a slow road but he can see that she's willing to work for it, willing to earn that trust, willing to do what she can for the girls who have already suffered too much despite being so young.

Suguru sees the way they get nervous around Yaga-sensei, nervous when either him or Satoru have to go into the office to talk about missions, scared of the idea that they might get sent away to do something they might not be able to come back from. A little resentful almost, a little greedy and very clingy.

He gets it though, he understands why, and he's trying to gently curb that feeling from growing within Mimiko and Nanako, to get them to stop seeing their sensei as someone to be unnerved by, to be frightened of. He wants to help build up a support system for them to go to when they need it because he knows eventually that neither Satoru nor himself can keep switching out indefinitely; eventually they'd both need to go off and take care of missions that only people of their level can handle. Nanami might be able to grow into someone much stronger than he is now but it's not going to happen overnight and curses wait for no one.

Yaga-sensei says he's trying to implement some changes, and he thinks it's only fair if he tries to implement some of his own.

He's got almost everybody in the kitchen helping out with dinner. While he's frying up the chicken katsu, he gets Yaga-sensei to oversee the curry while the girls take care of the side dishes. He listens as Shoko guides Nanako to dump a handful of shredded cabbage into a bowl before telling Mimiko to decorate with slices of cherry tomato. They let her inspect their combined efforts and giggle when she gives them a thumbs up and then finish off the salad with a splash of sesame dressing. They do this seven times for seven people.

They have potato and corn salad, too, and Shoko lets Mimiko be the one to scoop it into another bowl while Nanako gets the honor of garnishing it with a parsley leaf on top.

The rice cooker finishes up just as he's taking out the last piece of fried chicken from the oil, turning the stove off to let the meat cool down and rest a bit before they plate up. He wants to laugh at the awkward way Yaga-sensei is holding himself, eyeing the curry seriously as if daring it to burn on his watch. Suguru leaves him to it while he helps set up the table, not quite big enough to hold seven people but they make it work as he drags over a smaller round table to fit a little clumsily under the long rectangular table they normally use.

Mimiko and Nanako place the spoons and forks precisely next to each other by every chair and then rearrange the side dishes around so everybody gets one each. And he watches, a little fond, as Mimiko a little uncoordinatedly starts pouring out water for everyone while Nanako holds the cup still for her. She makes a couple of spills but keeps pursing his lips in concentration until they get seven nearly full cups of water. Nobody says anything about the spill; it doesn't matter in the long run.

"We're back!!" He hears Satoru shout from outside the hallway, footsteps undeniably coming closer and closer and close enough that he can hear a following pair of steps behind him. "Guess who's got some treats!"

The girls immediately brighten up at the prospect of desserts and he clears his throat to make Satoru put it away before he ruins dinner. He gets a cheeky wink in response but wordlessly puts the paperbag on top of the kitchen counter for later on.

He spots Nanami hovering a few steps from the open doorway and smiles, "Welcome back. Thank you for your hard work."

His kouhai nods, a little awkward still as he coughs into his hand and looks like he wants to leave.

"Oi, Nanami! Meet your godchildren."

"...Excuse me?" He stares gormlessly at Satoru for a brief moment before something like disbelief takes over his expression.

Satoru is undeterred by his reaction as he crouches beside the girls and pats them on the head. "Yeah! This is Nanako, and this is Mimiko! Kids, this is Nanami, your godfather."

Suguru turns to his kouhai and sees his face turn absolutely red, whether from sheer embarrassment or at the shamelessness of his senpai he can't tell, except it's hilarious to watch.

"I--I refuse!" He sputters out and quickly turns around as if he could run away from being subjected to more of Satoru's stupidity.

"I don't think he likes us..." Mimiko whispers, a little downtrodden as she wrings her fingers around the hem of her shirt, and Nanami barely gets a foot out the door after hearing those words before he's pivoting right back to them, red-faced even as he crouches down to the kids' level and ignores the way Satoru is eyeing him like he just won a pachinko jackpot.

"I like you both," he says firmly. "It's him I think that's annoying, not either of you. I promise."

And it's like Nanami's found the magic words with the way the girls are watching him, a soft and quiet hope building up inside of them as they slowly lift up their pinkies to the other.

"Pinky promise?" Nanako asks with all the seriousness a small 6 year old can muster and Suguru watches as Nanami returns the sentiment as he holds out both hands and gently curls his fingers over their tiny pinkies.

"I swear."

He wasn't expecting it, wasn't expecting how quickly they'd warm up to Nanami when they still haven't warmed up to Yaga-sensei and it makes something a little like pride for the girls unfurl in his chest. They're all trying their best; Satoru, Shoko, Yaga-sensei, Nanako, Mimiko, Nanami, himself, and it feels like another victorious step forward, another day conquered.

And then Satoru, of course, ruins it.

"Awh, you do care!" he teases and immediately gets a hand in the face from Nanami to muffle the rest of his words, pushing him over with all the force he's willing to muster in a room this small and with a table that's already set up to host dinner.

Yaga-sensei turns off the heat and starts plating up some rice and some curry, passing it over to Shoko to add some pieces of chicken katsu onto it and willfully ignoring the kerfuffle happening between both Satoru and Nanami rolling on the floor, the former cackling while the latter is growling in-between the pokes and elbow jabs.

The girls are giggling at their antics and it feels like a pretty good way to end the day.

---

It stops being funny when they almost knock over a chair and Suguru stands over them with his arms crossed and a plastic smile on his face telling them to, "Behave or get out."

Nobody argues when Satoru is put on the opposite end of the long table away from Nanami, just happy to finally be able to dig into their meal.

---

It's a rainy day and they're all at the library because their bedroom is too cramped and they don't have enough desk space for two students trying to study and two little girls who want to break into their new coloring books. Mimiko and Nanako both have a pack of coloring pencils and crayons opened to share with each other while they try their best to do some nice shading, humming to themselves as they go.

Suguru pauses in his own studies as he watches them and thinks about what they're supposed to do for a couple of 6 year olds and their learning. He regrets not buying some basic educational books to add on top of the coloring books while they'd been out shopping for clothes the other day. The girls can obviously speak well and make certain deductions as long as they've been given enough context, but he has no idea what they learnt while they were in that monkey village of theirs, if there's even anything that passes for a school there to begin with. He doesn't know how much math they've learned, what their writing proficiency is, if they can even read or tell time.

He tries his best not to panic at the thought that he and Satoru might be unintentionally holding the twins back. They're supposed to be at school with other 6 year old kids, in class to learn how to read, how to write, how to add and subtract, but instead he's got them here in some dusty old library coloring in fairies and flowers and enchanted forests.

He startles a bit when he feels a kick to his shoe and he turns his eyes towards Satoru who looks at him for a beat before waving his phone in his hand. Suguru lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding as he reaches into his pocket for his own phone, opening up the text that he hadn't realized he'd missed earlier.

From Satoru: y u freaking out? (っ °Д °;)っ

He huffs as he eyes the girls in front of him for a moment before typing back a response.

From Suguru: the girls are supposed to be in school, arent they?

From Satoru: kinda doubt theyr in the right place for it right now, yknow?

From Suguru: i know. just started thinking about it just now and worried we were ruining their chances or something

From Satoru: look at you being a teenage dad ╰(￣ω￣ｏ)

He kicks Satoru's foot for that, ignoring the snicker from him even as the twins perk up a little bit at their antics before returning back to their coloring book, more than happy to leave them be.

From Suguru: im serious, satoru. wtf are we supposed to do? i dont know the first thing about homeschooling kids

From Satoru: the internet is your best friend []~(￣▽￣)~*

From Suguru: funny because i thought you were my best friend

From Satoru: im your best boyfriend. ( •_•)>⌐■-■ the internet can take second spot now (⌐■_■)

He laughs and shoots his arm out to shove at Satoru, cackling when the pale-haired boy almost topples right out of his seat. Thankfully, there's nobody around the archives to tell them off for making a ruckus.

From Satoru: dont worry bout it. ive been homeschooled before, i know what to get them

From Suguru: thanks bae

From Satoru: welcome boo (づ￣ 3￣)づ

He snickers as he tucks his phone away and hooks his leg around Satoru's before going back to study, his eyes focused on the page in front of him but his head in the clouds thinking about being a teenage dad with Satoru by his side.

---

He's washing the dishes from the kids' afternoon snacks with his sleeves rolled up while Shoko entertains them with card games masquerading as a test to check on their short-term memory retention when he hears a deep clearing of a throat behind him. He looks over his shoulder and sees Yaga-sensei standing at the threshold and he frowns a little bit at the sight but chooses not to make a big deal of it as he rinses the last of the dishes and stacks them on the drying rack.

It's supposed to be their day off but he guesses that curses don't really wait up for people to rest up before causing mayhem.

"You alright, sensei?" Shoko asks him as she gives Nanako another sticker for successfully matching up two more cards, making Mimiko pout a little bit.

"Yeah, just need a quick word with Getou."

"Sure," he says as he dries off his hands and shares a quick look with Shoko before exiting the kitchen to follow their sensei just a bit further down the hallway from the kitchen. "You got another mission lined up already?" He asks even though he knows it's odd for Yaga-sensei to seek him directly as opposed to summoning them via text message.

"No. It's about Gojo."

"And?" He prompts, willing the other to hurry up, trying not to jump to conclusions.

Yaga-sensei sighs tiredly as he pushes his fingers under his sunglasses to rub at his eyes, "The principal found out that I've been letting you and Gojo pair up with Nanami and Shoko on missions and he's...upset, to put it lightly."

He tries not to sneer as he crosses his arms. "Don't see how that's any of his business. We're still completing the missions we're given in a timely manner with no casualties."

"He says I'm wasting the potential of Gojo and Getou when things could be a lot more efficient."

"In those words?" He asks darkly, his fingers tightening over his arms.

"More or less," he mutters, obviously displeased but he shakes his head as he turns his attention back to Suguru. "I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about a mission personally assigned to Gojo by the principal."

It's then he feels absolutely livid and he finds himself brushing past Yaga-sensei, a little guilty about leaving Shoko behind to handle the girls without him but he needs to find Satoru first and catch him before he ends up going who knows where.

He doesn't actually know where Satoru is right now, whether he's still in the principal's office or whether he's already in a car or in a train or teleported there already. He starts feeling breathless at the idea that maybe Satoru left without saying anything but he doubts it; they've been doing too well to relapse back into those days where they ghosted past each other without saying a damn word.

Suguru ends up fully sprinting through the halls, turning corners wildly to rush towards their bedroom, shoes pounding along the floorboards as he reaches the door and forces his way inside.

Satoru is still here, sitting on their bed in casual clothes, and Suguru breathes out a sigh of relief as he lightly closes the door behind him. 

He takes a step forward and that's when he notices the tight fist against Satoru's thigh, blue eyes staring into the middle distance out the window, and it makes Suguru think of the crafting pen-knife, blade digging into skin and flesh, holes in the trousers surrounded by blood that's dry from wounds already closed over and completely healed. He swallows hard at the sight and is relieved Satoru is keeping his word.

"I'm glad I caught you before you left," Suguru says as he carefully takes a seat on the bed, wondering if he should reach out or not.

Satoru doesn't turn to acknowledge him even as he talks. "...You caught me alright."

The sight of Satoru looking so apathetic makes him a little worried and he can't help but wonder how the conversation between him and the principal went to get this kind of reaction from him. He does his best to quell the growing tremors building up from inside his gut as he tries to lighten up the mood, "You should take Shoko with you, it's her turn in our roster."

"I can't. It's a grade 1 but I've got a feeling they undersold it. Again."

It makes him think of Haibara and how, instead of having to deal with a grade 2, they ended up saddled with what was basically a semi special grade curse instead.

"Anyway," Satoru cuts him off in the middle of his thoughts, "This is beyond what Shoko can handle, even with me around."

"But you can't go by yourself."

"I've handled missions by myself before."

"And look where that got us!" He inadvertently snaps without meaning to, his body trembling with the force of it and he stares as blue eyes finally meet his own.

"Suguru--"

"No! I can't--" he swallows hard, nearly pleading. He doesn't want them to go back to missing each other and losing pieces of their sanity until one of them breaks again. "You're not a pawn to be used by that asshole. They can't treat you like this!"

"I am Gojo Satoru," he recites, voice devoid of all feeling, "and I alone am the honored one."

"Stop. Stop it."

He's breathing harshly now, mind racing with how much he hates it, how much he hates the dull look in Satoru's eyes. How ready he is at the idea of letting himself be chained down to a destiny he never chose for himself, a fate that is his alone to bear, how unlucky he is to be born into this life. Suguru won't let him be shackled on his own, won't let it become one or the other.

"I'm going with you," he tells him as he gets up and starts pulling off his clothes to change into his uniform, determined to join in regardless of whether the principal approved it or not.

"But the twins..." Satoru starts to say, his voice just a touch closer to what he normally sounds like.

It's not enough.

Suguru shakes his head as he pulls up his uniform trousers and yanks his belt through the hoops, trying not to let his desperation show. "They're warming up to Shoko and Nanami. I'm sure they won't mind babysitting them for a little bit while we take care of this together. I won't let you go off on your own."

"You won't let me?" He asks and there's a dangerous tone in his voice that makes Suguru quickly backtrack as he turns to look at Satoru's near stormy expression.

"It's not like that. I know you can handle a grade 1 on your own. I just...don't like the idea of you going by yourself," he finishes, standing shirtless in the middle of their shared room.

He scoffs, "I don't need a keeper."

He raises his eyebrow at him, "You sure about that?" He asks and knows immediately that he's gone and said the wrong thing again.

"Is that what you are to me? My keeper?" He retorts, voice deceptively quiet as he eyes him from the bed, posture seemingly relaxed if not for the tight fist still over his thigh.

Suguru sighs, "You know it's not, Satoru."

"I can do this on my own."

"You don't need to prove anything to me, least of all to those assholes who only want to keep using you for your technique and what you can do."

He shrugs, nonchalant, "It's fine."

"No, it's not!" He damn near yells out and knows he's fighting a losing battle if he doesn't come up with a new plan. He quickly pivots as he points to himself, "What if it was me? What if I'm the one they decided to send out alone instead?"

"I--"

He sees the way Satoru's eyes widen just a fraction, faltering as he mentally reverses their positions and Suguru knows he's found a winning strategy. "You wouldn't let them use me, either," he says quietly, watching Satoru imploringly.

It's quiet for long enough that Suguru turns back to the closet to pull off the button-up shirt from where it's hanging but pauses before slipping it on, guilty that they're even arguing about this when it's neither of their faults to begin with. They both just ended up being shuffled some pretty crappy hands this time around.

"I don't want them to keep getting away with abusing us like we're worth less than dirt," he confesses into the quiet stretching out between them, not quite able to meet Satoru's gaze. "Why are we even the only ones to take care of these damn missions anyway? There's only four of us in this entire school and sometimes it feels more like a goddamn mausoleum than anything else."

"Suguru..."

He shakes his head and forges on, "I can't say much for the Kyoto school but it's bullshit that all the higher-ups do is sit on their asses and point and tell us to sic 'em."

He hears a rustle of sheets and can see Satoru approaching him from the corner of his eye. He breathes out from his nose harshly as he pulls on his shirt, fingers shakily buttoning up from the bottom to the top.

"I need to do this, Suguru."

"Why?" He begs, turning to glare at Satoru even though he's not the person he's angry at.

"I'm not doing this to prove anything to anybody but myself, and to you."

"What?" He narrows his eyes at him, a little confused because he'll never ask for this from Satoru, not once in a billion years. 

Pale hands reach out to quell his shaking fingers from the last button of his shirt, pulling them down and holding them between his steady hands.

"I want to show you that I'm getting better."

"I--I know you are, but you don't need to--"

"Shut up and lemme talk."

Suguru huffs but lets himself quiet down and listens.

"I know you're scared," Satoru starts to say, tightening his hands over Suguru's when he's about to refute. "And I know you hate what's happening with Jujutsu society as a whole, and I know you're starting to hate non-shamans because they're too ignorant to realize they're the cause of all of the messes we have to keep cleaning up for them."

He winces, having not realized how poorly he'd been hiding his disdain.

"It would be easier, wouldn't it?" Satoru continues to say, "To just go down to the root of all of our problems and nip it at the source. But that's not my style. Neither of us are killers."

He still thinks about it sometimes, how ready he'd been to becoming one that day if not for Satoru. How ready he'd been to turning his back on everything to go down a path he knew there was no turning back from.

"I won't let myself get pulled under by the school, or by Jujutsu bureaucracy, or clan politics and their expectations of me. I have Mimiko and Nanako to fight for now. And I'll fight for you because I know you'll fight for me, too."

He swallows hard and feels himself trembling for a different reason now, and he knows Satoru can tell when his expression softens. 

"I'm not gonna lose myself to curses or curse users, not when I have something worth sticking around for, not when I have too much to lose now."

"D-damn right you do," he stupidly stutters, earning a half-smile from Satoru that emboldens him to tack on, "You still owe me a house."

Satoru bursts out laughing, his eyes brightening up so much that Suguru thinks he would happily let himself be blinded by it.

"I'm working on it, promise," he says softly as he leans forward until their foreheads touch. 

He huffs out a laugh and closes his eyes, trying to shake off the residuals of anxiety and calm down from it.

He never knew how hard it'd be to stay alive in this kind of world but he's glad, so utterly glad, that he's not alone in this. He thinks he would've crumbled a lot sooner if not for Satoru's hand in his.

"When are you supposed to be leaving?" Suguru asks as he rubs their foreheads together, enjoying the texture of Satoru's hair on his skin.

"By my count, probably should've left 20 minutes ago."

Suguru stops and looks down at the casual clothes the pale-haired boy is still wearing. "You're not even dressed for it."

"Nope."

"You're a menace."

"Yup," he smirks, looking far too proud about it.

He sighs, a little put-upon, but knows he's not doing a good job of chastising Satoru on the topic of time management.

"Come back to us, okay? Come back to me."

"You know I will," Satoru tells him and it sounds like another promise.

"Good. Go kick that grade 1's ass."

"I'll pretend they're the principal while I punch their face in."

Suguru laughs and thinks he's gonna adopt that strategy for his future missions from now on, too.

---

In the end, he changes back into his casual clothes while Satoru changes into his uniform and Suguru tells him to wait at the torii gates so he can bring the girls to send him off.

Satoru smiles behind his glasses as he leans over to ruffle their hair and says he'll bring back some mochi for desserts later once he's done.

Nanako is the one to notice that Satoru's by himself this time as she turns to Suguru and points at the other already halfway down the steps.

"Is he going by himself? Is he going to be alright?" She asks, eyes a little worried as she looks up at him.

"Of course," he smiles and tries not to laugh at the stupid way Satoru is skipping down the steps. "He's Gojo Satoru, and he's good at keeping his word."

The girls nod, appeased, and then Mimiko is sucking in a deep breath to shout at Satoru, "I want strawberry daifuku!"

Even from here he can still see Satoru's bright blue eyes, shining in mirth as he gives them a double thumbs up from where he's standing by the manager's car, ready to take him to the curse's location that isn't quite easily reachable by train.

"I'll bring back lots!" Satoru's voice reaches them from the bottom as he waves again and disappears into the car.

Both of the girls keep waving until it's out of sight and he feels a bit of his heart go with him, willing him to stay safe.

---

He can't sleep. The nightmare he’s been having lately still sits front and center of his mind. Every time he closes his eyes he can still remember the way his knees crashed onto the floor and how it immediately got soaked up with blood, more than it did that first time.

He opens his eyes to stare at Satoru lying in bed with him instead, makes himself listen to the soft breaths coming from him as he sleeps off from his first solo mission in a long while, feels the way it warmly flutters over his cheeks. He listens for a few minutes before he tunes his ears to the other bed and hears Nanako's whistling breath and Mimiko's quiet snore.

One of Satoru's arms is wrapped around his waist, fingers curled lightly over the small of his back while the other sits in between their bodies held in a loose fist. Suguru lets himself breathe this in, lets himself focus on the weight and the warmth of the pale-haired boy in front of him, staring at his white lashes and his white eyebrows, his nose and his lips.

Quietly, he sighs as he closes his eyes to sink into this moment, this feeling, imagines himself holding onto it with both hands, cradled close and safe. He doesn't know what's going to happen tomorrow, or next week, or in a year's time, but he wants to keep this for however long he can.

He feels Satoru's hand behind him opening up, a gentle pressure pulling him forward, and he opens his eyes to see sleepy blue eyes staring back at him.

"You're thinking too loudly," Satoru mumbles as he rubs his face into the pillow before turning his head enough to open one eye back at Suguru.

He chuckles quietly, "That's a first."

"Another bad dream?"

"Nah," he says with a small shake of his head, "Can't sleep."

"Ah, so, bad dream from a different night, then."

He huffs but gives in to the questioning, "Yeah, if you wanna put it that way."

Satoru closes his other hand around Suguru's sleep clothes and he can feel the warmth of his hand on his skin even through the layers. "Talk to me?"

He shrugs and feels that hand tighten just a little bit more until he can feel each individual press of his knuckles. "You already know what they're about."

"I mean, just about anything. Doesn't have to be about your dreams."

"Oh," he pauses, humming in thought as he plays with a strand of Satoru's white hair by his ear. He's never been the type of person to ask superficial questions that only lead to shallow answers and he's not about to start now as he curls the short lock around his fingers. "Have you ever thought about...what you'd do if you weren't a Jujutsu sorcerer? Like, if you weren't a Gojo; just a normal kid with a normal life," he finally asks as he looks into Satoru's blue eyes, bright even under this darkness of night.

"No."

He blinks in surprise at the immediate answer, eyebrows raised, "Not even once?"

"No, because any life that doesn't involve having Getou Suguru around isn't one that I wanna live in."

He chuckles quietly, "You sap. I was being hypothetical."

"Then that Satoru who gets to be a normal kid with a normal life is nothing but a sad existence," he says without a single hint of hesitation and Suguru thinks he's a little touched by this.

"They wouldn't know me, they wouldn't even know I exist."

"My soul would know."

He widens his eyes at the fervent way Satoru is looking at him, the way his fingers clench onto him to pull him closer, like he wants the both of them to merge into one being.

"My soul would know, Suguru. Someone could look exactly like you and sound exactly like you but I'd know their soul isn't yours, isn't the same one that resonates with mine. They might be able to fool my Six-Eyes, but my soul knows otherwise."

He lets out a shaky breath, overwhelmed by Satoru, and warmed by it. He feels as if his heart is fit to burst and he wonders if Satoru can feel the rapid way it's beating inside his chest like it's trying to escape his body and make its home next to Satoru's own beating heart. He swallows hard, feels choked up with emotions that he can barely name with how fast it's pouring over him.

Suguru closes the scant distance between them and rests his lips over Satoru's, feels his breath ghosting over his cheeks as he whispers into the quiet of the night just for Satoru's ears and his heart, body and soul to hear, "I love you."

"I love you, too," Satoru repeats into his waiting mouth, barely any space left between them as they kiss. "Every part of me."

"I feel like...we're going too fast but it feels right. This feels right."

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I feel sorry for every version of Satoru that doesn't have their own Suguru."

He huffs, feeling hopelessly in love as he folds Satoru closer to him and lets himself drown in the warmth and sheer presence of him.

They hold each other for a while but it's not long until Satoru is nudging him over and repositioning himself on the bed and pulling Suguru to lie over his chest, ear resting right over his beating heart.

It's a little fast, almost like he's nervous, and he smiles into the fabric of Satoru's sleep clothes and he syncs up his breathing with him. He feels his eyelids beginning to droop and lets the rhythm of Satoru's heart soothe him to sleep.

---

Suguru wakes up in the early morning to the feeling of Satoru playing with his hair, fingers gentle as he cards through it carefully, and he lets the motion lull him back under.

---

It's the weekend, and a rare day where nobody has any missions and it's sunny enough that when Shoko suggests the idea of a picnic, the girls get excited and look like they're on the verge of vibrating out of their skin with how animated they are. There are sandwiches and soft drinks, little cakes and mochi and dorayaki and candied apples that Satoru had gone off to buy for the occasion.

The girls easily rope Nanami into joining them even though he'd just been on the way to the vending machines to buy a drink before going back to his studies but there's plenty of food to go around and he lets himself get talked into playing tea party with them. He looks a little bit embarrassed as he sticks out his pinky at Mimiko's behest while holding a mismatched mug but also quietly pleased, as though seeing the happiness on the children's faces is healing a little bit of the hurt still in his heart.

Suguru knows how Nanami feels, because he feels it everyday.

Satoru has been disappearing every once in a while, on and off for an hour or so every day. He always comes back with a little furrow between his eyebrows and Suguru pokes him there to help get rid of it, laughing when Satoru nips at the offending digit in retaliation.

"What kinda errands are you running off to do anyway?" He asks as he slips a couple of 10 yen coins into the vending machine to get rid of some spare change clogging up his wallet.

"Just personal errands. Nothing for the school, promise."

"Good," he says with obvious relief as he pushes the button for a cold can of C.C. Lemon and pulls it out of the receptacle for Satoru to hold. "You gonna tell me what, though?" He presses as he starts putting in more spare change to get another can for the girls.

"Soon," he promises, "I just need a bit more time, that's all."

He lets it go as he uses up a 50 yen coin to make up the difference to get another canned drink and glares at Satoru when the other cracks open the drink Suguru had initially bought for the twins. "Oi, that was the last one, you asshole."

"Opps," he snickers as he pushes Suguru aside with his hips to throw in a few 100 yen coins into the machine to get three more cans of the tropical flavor mix from the same brand, fishing out the leftover coins and shoving them into his pockets when he's done. "Problem solved."

"Menace," he says, hardly any real attempt at reprimanding him when he lands a discreet kiss into the side of Satoru's head before ducking down to pick up the three extra canned drinks, balanced precariously in his arms, the cold condensation seeping into the fabric of his shirt.

"Careful. I'm starting to think you're actually saying you love me every time you call me a menace," Satoru teases as he sips from the stolen drink.

He huffs and turns to stare at Satoru, blue eyes boring into his eye as he tells him again, "Menace."

Pale pink lips split into a wide grin and Suguru thinks Satoru's really got him figured out.

---

He's nursing a headache after being stuck in the same room as the principal for nearly 45 minutes who'd given him the same treatment as he gave Satoru. He'd stared the man down, hands in his pockets and all too ready to release all his curses in that tiny office until it choked them both out and he knew the principal could tell that he didn't give a shit.

Suguru took the mission anyway because, like Satoru, he had no choice over it but he'd felt vindicated by the obvious sweat that gathered on the old man's brow and under his snotty nose, slamming the door shut harder than necessary behind him as he exited.

He forces himself to take deep even breaths as he makes his way through the hallways to get back to the library where the others are. When he'd left them earlier, they'd been trying to gauge Mimiko and Nanako's writing skills and got about as far as writing some romaji and a small amount of hiragana. They're behind compared to most other 6 year olds but with some time and proper study structure, Suguru's confident they can bring the girls up to speed.

When he gets to the library he can see Satoru's got some stickers on his face and in his hair, obviously his way of motivating the girls to keep practicing their letters in the designated boxes of their exercise books. Suguru smiles a little bit as he leans on the threshold, happy to watch and observe for the time being but it's not long before blue eyes are seeking him out.

"You're doing great, keep trying, okay?" Satoru encourages as he gets up from his chair and makes his way over to Suguru to stand in front of him, a little rueful expression on his face as he takes him in. "You too, huh?"

"Yeah," he says, feeling a little pitiful himself.

"Should I tell you to take Nanami with you?"

He chuckles good-naturedly as he reaches out to poke at the little star sticker on Satoru's nose. "Cute."

"Right?" He grins, "The girls are having fun, which is more than I can say for my previous experiences with homeschooling."

"You wanna talk about it?" He offers, anything to drag out leaving for the mission and he gets why Satoru is always playing fast and loose when it comes to timeliness.

"It sucked, hands down, full stop," he shrugs, choosing to lean on the wall next to Suguru.

He can see Satoru closing off a little bit at the mention of his previous upbringing, the way he always does when the topic of his family and his clan comes up. Suguru doesn't know the full details of what Satoru went through to get to this point but he knows enough to suspect that it's not all praise and not as glamorous as other people make it out to be. Satoru doesn't like talking about it much and Suguru knows he's the same but he figures they'll have time to learn from each other.

"When are you supposed to head out?" Satoru asks, changing the subject.

"ASAP is what I'm told but I figured it can hold."

This gets a delighted response from him, "Ooh, am I being a bad influence on you."

"Got no one to blame but myself," he smirks and snickers along with Satoru, sharing in the camaraderie over the ridiculousness of their combined situations.

He lets himself stay for just a little bit longer before he's pushing himself off the door jamb to tell the twins he's heading off for a while and will try to make it back in time for dinner, gently running his fingers through their hair one more time before he leaves.

Nanako bites her lips as she looks up at him before shyly asking, "Can you bring back some yokan for after dinner?"

"Sure," he smiles, knowing full well what they're trying to do when they ask for things to bring back, a quiet way of ensuring that they'll come back at the end of the day. "I'll bring back some yokan for dessert."

Both the girls nod in unison, once more appeased by this before going back to their writing exercises, seemingly more determined to smooth out the shakiness of their lines.

"I'll be back later," he says into Satoru's ears as he passes him, feels fingers quietly reaching for his and squeezing once before slipping out.

"Come back soon."

It's another grade 1 mission but he bears in mind what Satoru said earlier and prepares for the possibility that it might be stronger than what it'd been classified as. It's better to overestimate the curse than not, better to be over prepared than under.

He feels the stored curses roiling inside of him, wondering if today marks the addition of a new one and decides there's only one way to find out.

---

He feels sick to his stomach, feeling like all of his curses are compounding together to sit heavily in his gut, his headache has gotten worse since the morning and it makes him want to throw up again.

"Here," he hears Shoko say to him but he can't bear to open his eyes to the blinding fluorescent white lights of the infirmary.

"No."

She sighs, put-upon, "You'll feel better with something else in your mouth than the taste of curses."

"I literally can't move right now," he nearly growls as he's sitting on the examination bed, one leg tucked under him while he's leaned over, his hair buried in his hands to cast his head in shadow. "If I eat, I'm going to throw up."

"You pushed yourself too hard," she says with an unimpressed click of her tongue.

He'd been right; the curse wasn't just a singular grade 1, there'd been two of them, and it took a lot more out of him than he was willing to admit. Shoko took care of his cuts and scrapes and bruises but couldn't do much for his splitting headache and the need to throw up everything he had earlier that day which wasn't much to begin with since he'd only had breakfast before leaving the school.

He doesn't know how he managed to find a shop that sold yokan to bring it back for the girls afterwards either, looking like a delinquent who got into a bad fight. Now he's sitting here, feeling like he got his ass handed to him and he wants so badly to just sink into bed and just sleep.

Suguru hears the door open, the patter of footsteps coming closer, and two pairs of hands gripping onto the scraped fabric over his knees. He wants to look at them, reassure them that he's fine, but he feels like he's aching and ripped up all over even though he knows Shoko already took care of those open wounds for him.

"Suguru-nii-chan?"

"Hey..." he tries not to wince at the scared tremor of Mimiko's voice. "I'm okay. I just...have a really bad headache," he says lamely and wishes he could just crawl under the covers of his and Satoru's shared bed.

Both of the girls mewl at him pitifully and it makes him feel like dirt that he can't do anything to give them some peace of mind over his current state. Every time he thinks about opening his eyes, his head hurts even more. Every little shift makes him want to curl even further into himself like if he makes himself small enough, maybe the pain will make itself smaller, too. If anything though, it just feels worse.

"Hey, can you stay with the girls for a little bit, Shoko? I'm gonna help Suguru get cleaned up, okay?" He hears Satoru say quietly, mindful of the state he's in.

"Sure, I'll get them ready for bed, too."

"Thanks."

He feels little hands leave him, the sound of another door opening and closing, and he almost wants to go with them, wants their warmth back even though he can't do anything to reciprocate, can't do anything to ease their worries. He feels a broad hand settle on his shoulder, squeezing lightly once.

"Come on, Suguru."

He swallows hard and tries to choke down the nauseated feeling roiling through him. "I can't move, Satoru."

"What do you need?"

"It's too bright."

"Okay."

He hears a zipper being pulled down, fabric shuffling about, and then feels the warmth of Satoru's jacket slipping over his shoulders and over his head, enveloping him in near darkness. It makes him want to cry.

"What about now?"

He swallows hard again, breathing in Satoru's clothes, the smell of his shampoo soaked into the fibers and his natural scent. He takes a couple of open-mouthed breaths and thinks this'll have to do, "...Yeah, I think I can manage."

He feels Satoru take a wrist and gently pull him up until he's standing. "Keep your eyes closed; I'll lead you out."

"Okay..."

Suguru focuses on the feeling of Satoru's fingers around his wrist, the feel of his jacket over his body, the careful way he's being led through the halls, being told when there's a step up here, or a step down there. Eventually he finds himself walking into a room with what feels like tiled flooring and knows they've reached the shared showers.

"I'm gonna keep the lights off, okay?"

"...Thanks."

He feels Satoru take off the jacket around him first, then fingers lightly brushing over his uniform to unbutton everything. There's a slide of fingers over his shoulders as his top gets removed and Suguru grits his teeth hard, eyes still shut, as he reaches for his belt to unbuckle it, shaky fingers working over the leather and metal to help with the undressing. He lets Satoru take over when a muscle ache prevents him from reaching behind him to unhook the snag of the belt caught in a hoop, hissing a little bit in frustration over the state he's in.

It's not even the worst mission he's ever done but he feels exceptionally raw this time around and he doesn't know if that means his tolerance has dropped or if he's just not used to running solo missions anymore.

He feels Satoru's fingers dip into the top of his pants, pulling everything down without fanfare before he's quietly led into the shower stall.

The cold water hits him full force and it makes him gasp a little bit, gives him something else to focus on as the water eventually warms up. His hair gets drenched fast and he doesn't feel Satoru near him anymore as he carefully unties his hair and feels around the walls for the shower nozzle to turn it a little bit hotter, a little burning.

He leans forward until he's brushing his forehead against the cool tiles, letting the water wash over him while he tries desperately to pull himself back together. He doesn't know how long he ends up standing under the spray for until he feels fingers around his elbow, gently turning him around, a hand going around the nape of his neck through his wet hair to help him rest his forehead against Satoru's bare shoulder.

Tentatively, he reaches forward until his fingers rests along Satoru's bare waist and suddenly, he doesn't dare open his eyes for a completely different reason.

It feels intimate and he wishes he was in a better mood, in a better space, more like himself and less like he got thrown under a literal bus.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles into damp and warm skin, extraordinarily tired.

"Don't be," Satoru whispers into his hair, scratching his fingertips softly over his skull and it feels so good that he can't help but release a relieved sigh. "What was the damage?"

"Two grade 1s."

He feels Satoru's fingers tighten fractionally over his nape, the hand holding his elbow migrating to his back. "You did good."

"I pretended one of them was the principal and the other one was Zen'in Naoya."

Satoru huffs out in laughter, body shaking in mirth as he lifts the hand on his back until it rests right between his shoulder blades. "Bet that felt cathartic."

"It was extremely satisfying, minus the fact that I feel like a beat-up rug."

"Poor baby," Satoru chortles into his hair and then devolves into a snicker when Suguru flexes his fingers over Satoru's waist in a not very subtle threat. "Seriously, you did good."

"I don't feel good."

He hums in acknowledgement, "You missed dinner earlier."

The thought of food makes him sick and he feels shaky as he tells him, "I can't, Satoru."

"I know. The girls wanted to wait until you got back but I convinced them to eat anyway."

"I left the yokan in the infirmary."

"You're an idiot," Satoru tells him, his voice far too fond, "I'm gonna let the girls eat it for breakfast tomorrow as your punishment for skipping dinner."

He groans, leaning down more heavily until his nose is brushing against Satoru's collarbone and sincerely hopes Satoru's joking because he really doesn't want to deal with two hyperactive children running around from a sugar high and the subsequent sugar crash.

As if sensing his thoughts, Satoru chuckles and runs his fingers soothingly through his dark from root to tip, "I'm kidding."

"I wouldn't put it past you."

"Don't test me," he chides, fingernails scratching at his back in warning that makes Suguru shiver in Satoru's arms. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up," he says softly as he nudges him to move.

He sighs tiredly but gives in, sinking into the motions of washing himself up while Satoru soaps up his hair, his fingers running through the wet strands in a soothing rhythm that helps dull the pain of his headache. By the end of it, he's clean and feels a little less like a wet towel wrung dry.

Satoru bundles him up, reminding Suguru viscerally of the time when he did the same thing for him those months ago and he's glad that Satoru is here to help pick him up when he can't manage the feat himself. His hair's dripping into the towel around his shoulders as he gets ushered towards their bedroom and he knows Satoru's got a towel for his hair, too.

"Can I dry your hair? Or will the noise be too much for you."

Suguru thinks about it, tries to weigh the risk of his headache becoming worse from the noise or worse from going to bed with wet hair. In the end he prefers dry hair than not. He'd take it even if it's only to halfway.

"I don't mind it," he says, voice surprisingly hoarse as Satoru sits him down onto the bed. 

Suguru wrings his hair with the towel while listening to the other rummaging for the hairdryer, moving things around and accidentally knocking something over.

"It's on the top shelf in the closet."

"I was looking for your hairbrush."

"Oh. I think I left it on top of the dresser."

He feels Satoru walk past him and then more shuffling about. "Found it! The girls' hairpins were all over it."

Suguru breathes out noisily as the hairdryer clicks on and he feels warm air blow over his head, long fingers carding through his hair for a while before being replaced by the brush.

The combination of warmth, clean smells and Satoru's touch does a good job of softening his aches and pains. He endures the noise of the hairdryer for a little over five minutes before it starts to grate on him and he's reaching out for where he thinks Satoru's hand is based on where the wind is blowing to stop him. He ends up knocking his fingers against the hairdryer but it's enough to give the idea that he wants it switched off.

The ensuing silence is almost deafening.

"Your hair's not all the way dry yet," Satoru says after some time has passed.

"I..." He's tired, suddenly, and feels the whole day bearing down on him the same way the curses in his gut seem to, his insides trembling under the pressure and he feels like his bones have been hollowed out.

Suguru hears the soft tap of things being set down onto a nearby surface and feels words spoken into his hair, "Lie down, I'll join you soon."

He gingerly lies down on the bed, feeling around until his fingers touch the pillow so he can rest his aching head over it and no sooner had he turned over onto his side to face where he knows the wall is, he hears the door opening and the sound of footsteps coming into the room.

"Thanks Shoko," Satoru says from the door.

"No worries."

"Is Suguru-nii-chan okay?" Nanako asks, sounding like she's standing right next to the bed.

"He'll be okay," Satoru answers for him after bidding goodnight to Shoko and closing the door behind him, nevermind the fact that Suguru's still awake, just horrendously tired. He doesn't know where his words went, he doesn't know why his mouth won't work anymore, why he can't bear to make a single sound. He feels like he's drowning. "He's just tired from today's mission."

"Why did he have to go alone?" She asks, sounding a little bit more far away, followed by the rustle of bed sheets as she presumably climbs up onto the bed.

"...Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to."

"Why?" Mimiko's the one to ask this time, sounding petulant and upset.

"Because in the end, it's still worth doing if it means protecting you both."

"Oh..."

He hears Satoru chuckle and more shuffling of the blankets over the bedspread. "Don't worry; I'll look after him."

"Okay."

"Goodnight, you two."

"Goodnight," they chime together as they settle under the sheets.

Suguru feels the bed dip beside him, feels Satoru climb over him until he's situated in his usual spot, and then lets himself get pulled up until he's resting his head on Satoru's chest again, ear pressed over his steadily beating heart.

"Goodnight, Suguru," he whispers into his hair, fingers running through it gently.

He breathes and lets himself sink into the motions and sink into sleep.

---

The twins are playing some kind of game with Shoko and Nanami while Suguru and Satoru are relegated to watching from the benches. Suguru doesn't mind because he's still recovering from yesterday and if he can't join then neither can Satoru because if he did then the teams would become uneven.

Satoru yawns noisily from where he sits nearly slouched over onto Suguru, arms stretched out over the back of the bench with his legs ridiculously splayed and taking up far too much space.

"This is lame," he drawls out, sounding utterly bored even as he's watching the girls giggling and laughing with far too much fondness to pull the wool over anybody's eyes.

It's a nice day; an overcast type of day with mild winds, nothing biting or sweltering. It feels good to be outside under the open sky despite the fact that Suguru still feels far too raw from yesterday's mission and last night.

He'd woken up closer to lunch time with Satoru still breathing steadily under him, already awake as he gently ran his fingers through his hair, though neither of the girls were around. This morning had been the hardest to get up from in a long time and while there's been a lot of positive changes since those dark months after losing Riko, there are still some days where it's simply not enough.

Suguru still feels drowsy even though he'd declined wanting to spend the rest of the day in bed, blinking slowly from how heavy his lids feel while the others play together as he sits besides Satoru. His stomach still churns, though not as badly as last night, his lunch of plain rice and furikake is doing its job of appeasing his hunger but not helping much with the nausea. He makes himself take deep even breaths to combat the feeling and it's working, for the most part.

"This is kinda nice," Satoru murmurs softly as he crosses one leg over the other and pulls the arm that isn't resting behind Suguru to lay it across his own lap, seemingly at ease with himself and the world around him.

"Yeah," he says in agreement although not convincing enough if the look Satoru gives him is any indication.

"Something on your mind?" He asks, head tilting to the side in question, blue eyes gazing right into his.

He hums in answer, trying to put to words the feelings and thoughts he's accumulated over the last few days, weeks, months, not sure where to begin but knows he has a pick a point to go from. He frowns a little bit, mind still somewhat sluggish but now that he's got the thought floating around in his brain, he finds it easier to follow that thread and pull it down into something a little more tangible. "Say..." he trails off a little, still trying to gather his thoughts.

"...Say?" He encourages.

He breathes out through his nose, furrowing his eyebrows as he speaks carefully, "...Why do we start admitting students into the Jujutsu world at high school age? Doesn't that seem...you know, like a severe lack of forethought?"

Satoru snorts unattractively but is somehow still endearing to him.

Suguru coughs a little, stretching a little as if he could stretch his mind a little more. "Sure, there are clans and stuff, some big and some small, but I came from a non-sorcerer family; I'm the only person who could--" he stops himself there. He hasn't really thought about his parents in a long while; too many things taking higher priority over what his mum and dad might be up to. A part of him doesn't even think they miss his presence.

He doesn't know though, sometimes, if he blames them for his upbringing, for their lack of understanding, for things none of them had any power to control. He doesn't know if he'd do the same thing if he'd been in their shoes, if he was the non-shaman trying to raise a kid that can see curses that no one else can see. 

The silence stretches on and he coughs again to fill it in, "...Just a thought, is all."

It's probably the first time he's ever brought up his family to Satoru and he feels both embarrassed and ashamed by it, even though he barely said anything about it, aborted as it was.

He suddenly wants to take it back; today was supposed to be a good day, a relaxing day. Not trauma-dumping day.

He sighs and wishes he'd stayed in bed after all.

"...Were you lonely?" Satoru asks him softly, gently, like he doesn't want Suguru to clam up and run away.

He was desperately lonely, and scared and felt like he was going insane. He felt like he was choking everyday from his mother thinking that if she loved him harder then maybe he'd get better, or his father teaching him tough-love so he'd stop being so sensitive over every single little thing that set him off. He doesn't tell Satoru any of that though, just nods and gives a quiet affirmative, having run out of words once again.

Satoru shrugs, his fingers tapping away at his lap, the only sign that he's nervous over today's topic of choice, "It's a huge oversight. The clans take care of the teaching and training and stuff for the most part, and then send us away to Jujutsu High as soon as we get to the enrolment age but I guess...for people like you, and Shoko and Nanami...you guys had to wait until someone scouted you."

It was a weird day when Yaga-sensei found him puking out his guts after swallowing down another curse because it was the only effective way he'd found that could get rid of seeing them constantly, offering a napkin in one hand and an opportunity of a lifetime in the other. A part of him didn't want to believe it, thought it was too good to be true, but another part of him clung on and clutched onto the offer like a lifeline.

"Even Haibara had a clan, small as it is."

Smaller now, since he's gone. "Yeah..."

He sees Satoru's fingers twitch on his lap, another sign of his discomfort that makes Suguru look up to see the faraway look in his blue eyes, like he's reliving a memory. When he talks, it's a little stilted, like he's still back in those former years of his childhood, "...Clans...don't always know what's good for you, though. It--It doesn't immediately make them the better option. There's a different kind of loneliness found there..."

There's a story there, obviously, but Satoru has always been tight-lipped about his clan and his childhood and his upbringing, and Suguru gets it. He gets it because even though it's not the same, it's enough to relate to. Every once in a while Suguru will get some scraps of info about it and while it's not enough to paint a full picture, it's enough to get some sort of vague overview; Satoru's life before coming to the school had been just as lonely as his.

"For kids like Mimiko and Nanako, too..." Suguru says and forces himself to try, forces himself not to go down those dark thoughts whenever he remembers how they'd initially found them. "They would've been better off here, not back at that village."

Suddenly, Satoru is smirking at him, "What are you trying to start?"

Suguru blinks at him and then shrugs, "Dunno. Sure as hell won't be a revolution. I'm not interested in a coup but..."

"You want change."

He breathes out slowly, feeling his thoughts unravel bit by bit as he comes to this one solid conclusion. "Yeah, I want change."

"Okay. Let's make a change," he says, eyes bright, like he suddenly has an idea that he doesn't want to let go of.

"What?"

"Come on," he grins as he gets up and gestures for Suguru to hurry, "I'll take you with me to go get some errands done."

"Oh," he won't deny that he's been curious about where Satoru's been going to on and off for a long time and he's glad that suddenly today is the day that Satoru decided it was finally okay for Suguru to find out. "Sure."

"We'll be back in a bit!" Satoru yells over a cupped hand as he grabs Suguru's with the other as soon as he's up. Blue eyes glint at him, an excitement in there that he hasn't truly seen since Okinawa. It makes his heart beat a little faster, wondering what Satoru has planned for them as he squeezes his hand once and they disappear to who knows where.

---

‘Who knows where’ turns out to be a dilapidated apartment complex that probably hasn't seen any type of useful renovations within this new century, maybe not even within the last decade. It's a mess and he doesn't quite know why Satoru brought him here of all places but follows willingly when he's led to a set of rundown stairs that look like they're one step away from disintegrating under their feet.

Suguru doesn't say anything as he's led up the stairs and continues to say nothing as Satoru pulls out a set of keys from his pockets and inserts them into a door, letting himself inside like he owns the place.

"Oi! I'm back, and I got someone I want you to meet!" Satoru calls out as they wait inside the doorway.

There's only a couple pairs of shoes where they stand by the genkan and none of them are big enough to belong to adults but he can tell one of them belongs to a girl, at least.

"What now," a bored voice says as they step through the apartment and Suguru feels like he's seeing a ghost, would've backed all the way out of the apartment if not for Satoru still holding his hand, squeezing once in reassurance.

He gulps as he takes in the child of the man who murdered Riko for money.

"Satoru," he whispers harshly under his breath, taking considerable effort to pull his eyes away from that familiar face to look over at the pale-haired boy beside him. There's another squeeze in his hand and he wills himself to keep looking into blue eyes even when he catches the shape of another person joining the first one in his periphery.

"Trust me."

He swallows hard but knows he trusts Satoru implicitly, even if he's nervous as hell about it. He nods, squeezing the hand in his back in a wordless answer.

Satoru smiles at him, eyes impossibly soft even as he rubs soothingly over his knuckles before letting go to take off his shoes and stand between the two kids, looking giddy and far too happy. 

"Meet errand 1 and errand 2," he says as he pats each one of them on the head but the boy ducks his head and pushes the hand off with a scowl while the girl accepts the motion with a small smile.

"You're kidding me."

"Nope!"

He wants to hit him.

---

The kid clicks his tongue in distaste as he looks at Suguru, expression souring, "He's making a stupid face like you did, too."

Satoru snorts and then devolves into laughter, clutching his stomach hard, and it makes Suguru want to throttle him even more.

---

Inevitably, they have to leave the kids behind in their rundown apartment because while there is technically enough space at the school to house two more displaced children he doesn't think Yaga-sensei's patience will extend that far. Neither Tsumiki nor Megumi cared about being left behind and left alone again but Suguru could tell that the girl was uncertain and anxious, even if she hid it well.

"So you've been taking care of them, then? All this time?" Suguru asks as they fill up their basket with odd bits and bobs and far too many snacks from the convenience store just down the road from where the steps leading up to the school is.

"Yeah," he says, almost looking a little guilty but is determined now to own up to it. "Those were his last words to me."

Suguru nearly crushes the packet of chips in his hands and he grinds down on his teeth at the audacity of a dead man. "He told you to look after his kids?"

"No, he said he's got a kid, and told me to do whatever I want with that knowledge."

"Tsk." He drops the bag in the basket because he's not enough of an asshole to put back the slightly crumpled bag of chips back onto the shelf. "And the girl?" Suguru adds on because he'd noticed they didn't quite share all the same features of having the same father.

"Step-sister. She's a few years older than him and they've been kind of living on their own since both their mum and dad walked out of their lives."

"Right," he mutters darkly.

"If not me then it would've been somebody else. Somebody worse."

"Yeah, you don't have to tell me that," he breathes out, trying to calm himself before approaching the counter to get their stuff rung up.

They don't talk the rest of the time they're in the convenience store and keep the silence up until they're making their slow way up the steps towards the school.

"You're angry at me," Satoru says from where he's a step behind him.

He nearly falters but keeps his eyes focused on taking it one step at a time and ignores how Satoru has stopped walking. "No. Not at you."

"Don't transfer that anger to the kid; Megumi doesn't deserve that."

Suguru whirls around with his fists and teeth clenched, "You--"

"I had to tell myself that, too. Every time I looked at him I thought I was looking at my worst nightmare."

Sometimes, he forgets that losing Riko and nearly dying was just as hard on Satoru as it had been for him. Neither of them have really healed from it mentally, even if most of the physical scars are gone.

His chest aches.

"I want change, too, Suguru. I don't really know how yet but I'm working on it."

It's an echo of what Satoru has promised before and he knows that he'll deliver good on his word, even if it might take weeks, or months or years.

Suguru sighs, looking away into the trees that line the steps leading up to the school. "You know, you could stand to fill me in on it. It's a two-way street, right? So let me work on it with you," he says as he looks back into blue eyes, determined to show that he's not just going to be a passive provider.

Satoru grins, eyes brightening up as he takes the steps two at a time until he's standing on the same one as him and it is with slight dismay that Suguru notices that the other is even taller now.

"Together then," he smiles, grabbing his hand and holding on tightly. "We'll work on it together."

"Promise."

---

---

---

OMAKE:

---

"How pissed do you think Yaga-sensei will be if we tore down that wall between our rooms to extend it?"

"He'd blow a fuse. We should totally do it."

"I was kidding."

"I'm 100% serious."

"Satoru!"

---