Chapter Text
It was strange, for Kara, to be so open about the very thing that defined who she was for so long. To tell a perfect stranger that she’s not of Earth after having spent many years residing there. Keeping secrets became natural. Lying became natural.
Lying had always made her uncomfortable, even before it became ingrained in her daily life on Earth. It was why she always tried to make sure her lies and secrets were heavily based in truth. Carefully underplayed or over exaggerated versions of the truth. Yes, her family died in a fire. Yes, her mother worked in the legal system.
Initially, she slipped up almost daily - trying to reference something that has never, nor will ever exist on Earth. A plant. An animal. A food. Alex would cover for her to their classmates by saying she has a hyperactive imagination and she must have just seen it in a weird dream.
But then she began to see Earth, with all of its hostility and violence. Resentment to anything different. Seeing the way the press, or the public treated her cousin for simply being an alien. And while many of the citizens revered him, it wasn’t hard to miss those who didn’t.
Whilst she was at college, in one of her journalism classes, the professor had instructed the students to write an article on Superman’s latest exploits. The obvious disdain that clouded his teachings or the comments muttered under the breathes of her fellow classmates, told her she wouldn’t be accepted by them.
Knowing how cruel people could be, made it easier to hide parts of her identity in the shadows. Made it easier to pretend to be human. After all, it was to save her life.
So while it was totally freeing to be herself for the first time, when she saved Alex from that plane crash, she understood the downsides to being open about her heritage, even only in small chunks. When she became Supergirl, she separated Supergirl from Kara Danvers. Once again, she’d slip up on occasion. Unable to mask her attitude towards certain comments directed at Supergirl, but eventually each persona was so far distinguished from the other, it sometimes felt like she actually was two different people.
For a while, everyone who mattered knew both of these characters were one and the same. Alex, Winn, James. They all knew who she was all the time. She didn’t need to hide from them. She was Kara Danvers. And she was Supergirl.
Then she met Lena Luthor.
First, fleetingly as Supergirl. Saving her from the drones.
Then, as Kara Danvers. Clark Kent’s shadow.
She was Kara Danvers. And she was Supergirl. And she was neither.
She was Kara, just Kara. Kara Zor-El.
And while Lena didn’t know it at the time, that she had met Kara Zor-El, Lena knew more about her than anyone else.
She had told Lena versions of the truth that were nearly indistinguishable from reality. And in turn, Lena told Kara everything.
Ever since Kara had first discovered how awful Earth was to aliens like her, it became easier to hide that part of herself. But never had she wanted to be so honest with someone as she had the day she met Lena. Within a week, she had asked Alex and J’onn to tell Lena, but, unsurprisingly, the said no. She could have gone other their head and told Lena anyway, but she didn’t. Instead, she let herself experience the freedom of no expectations.
Lena never expected anything of her.
She had said that expectations could only lead to disappointment.
In hindsight, she knows that she should have told Lena the whole truth sooner, that nothing would have between them if she had. But he had also seen what Mr Mxyzptlk had shown her. That no matter when she told Lena, something would always go wrong. It didn’t matter now, though, Lena didn’t want anything to do with her. She hadn’t for quite a while.
Which left her here, telling perfect strangers the truth of her heritage, because it doesn’t matter now. From what Mxy had shown her, either her entire family dies or she does and now that she’s not in their lives anymore, they’ll be safe. So what’s the harm.
At least she doesn’t have to hide anymore.