Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

He didn't know if there was any point in chasing the mage now. But the talk left him with a heavy sickening feeling, it pushed him on. He didn't want to leave it at that...
He walked faster, almost breaking into a run. When he was outside in the courtyard, he caught a glimpse of the door to Linhardt's room being slammed close.
Why all of this...
Sothis... Why.
Why me?
But there was only silence.

He knocked. Waited a bit. Knocked again, more persistently.
- Lin?
No answer, nothing at all.
He breathed out. Clenched his fist, standing by the door.
- Linhardt...
He thought he heard something. Wasn't sure what. He pushed the door without thinking, and realized it was not locked.
The mage was on his bed, facing the wall, he didn't turn his head, if he even heard the door open. Byleth paused on the doorstep. Linhardt's shoulders jerked in what seemed like a coughing fit at first, with a hand pressed to his mouth... But then with a shock Byleth realized that was crying.
It felt like he was suddenly drenched in icy water.
He froze, and almost stepped back at that first moment, almost closed the door not to see him like that, cause it felt so wrong to look... But he was already here, so he stepped forward instead and closed the door behind himself.
- Lin...
He came closer, lowered down on the bed, reached for Linhardt's shoulder. The mage swatted him blindly - it hardly hurt, yet it shook him. But he wouldn't back off. Instead of letting go he pulled him close. Lin struggled against it for a moment, as if he wanted to push him away, but it lacked real power. Then, just as suddenly he gave it up, turned over to hold onto the mercenary instead. Pressed face to his chest, choking on tears. His fingers clenched Byleth's shoulder almost to the point of pain.
Holding him and feeling how sobs make his whole body shudder, Byleth felt a lump swelling in his own throat.
How he wished things didn't have to be that way...
He wrapped his arms tightly around the young mage, stroking his back, his hair. What else could he do?..
- ...don't want you to die... - Linhardt whispered in a choked voice, barely audibly.
- I won't. I will survive, I promise. We will all survive...
- I don't want this w-war...
Byleth's heart clenched.
He was so used to Linhardt's rational and calm demeanor, it was easy to forget he was the same age as Caspar... His emotions were showing in a different way, making it easy to overlook them. But now his country had started a war which his family supported, and he stayed here, on the opposite side, waiting for the battle that was mere days away... Knowing they could all die here, knowing he'd have to kill... And now Byleth had shut him out too. How could he possibly be okay?
- I will protect everyone, Lin, it will be alright... - Byleth said with a tight throat.
Linhardt shook his head silently. His tears had soaked through the clothes, Byleth could feel them, hot and wet on his skin.
- We will survive. And... And then we will go out and sit by the lake all day, doing nothing, - he whispered to him. - And we can try all the strange tea flavors from the eastern merchant, and all the pastries...
He was just grasping on whatever came to mind. But this rewarded him with a little nod.
- And we can go travel. Can go to Bridgid. See if there lives that animal with a turtle shell, and the tiny birds... And what fish they have... You can fish there, - another little nod. - And we can visit the Imperial capital too. See the Opera... - shake of the head, - No? You don't like the Opera? The museums then. The Imperial library... - nod. - And... And when this is over I'll tell you all that I know. All the secrets.
- So I was right... About the secrets... - Linhardt murmured into his shoulder. His voice was still not stable, but he'd calmed down a little, resting in Byleth's arms now.
The mercenary smiled at those words, even if it hurt too. Of course you were right...
He knew he shouldn't say that. Instead he leaned and pressed lips to his forehead.
- There will be no secrets. I promise.

Something changed in Linhardt's pose and breathing.
- Did you just... Kiss me? - he asked after a while.
- ..y-yes, - Byleth swallowed, suddenly aware of what he did. Aware of the lines he could be crossing. - Did it... Bother you? - he asked, his heart thumping. Was this bad? It most certainly was...
- No, not at all... - the mage spoke slowly, as if dazed. - Rather the opposite...
Byleth breathed out and realized he had been holding his breath.
He turned a little to look at Linhardt. The young mage lifted his head, his eyes fixated on Byleth's. Their hands still held onto each other. The moment stretched - both hesitated to move, yet no one was willing to let it go.
- But... what of the students... - Byleth murmured.
- ...and Seteth too... - yet Linhardt's eyes were still locked with the professor's.
- And there's your family…
- Can't say I'm worried...
The mercenary swallowed. And then leaned forward, eliminating the last of the distance between them until their faces met. Just for a little moment. But enough to feel the warm, suddenly soft touch of the other lips...
Then Linhardt pulled back from him awkwardly, sitting upright.
- At least I need a handkerchief first... - he murmured, getting past Byleth off the bed, to kneel by the drawers and rummage through one of them.
- ...Oh, - only now did he realize that the young mage's face was still all wet with tears. He was breathing through his mouth too...
He felt a pang of guilt. What in the blazes was he doing? Linhardt needed his support now, not... this.
He breathed out, sitting on the bed.
- I'm sorry, I shouldn't have... - he said quietly, looking forward, not turning his head.
The mage lingered by the drawers after he found the handkerchiefs, wiped his face and blew his nose. When Byleth turned after a while, he saw him rest his head against the wooden panel and just stay like that.
- Are you okay?.. - he asked, coming closer and kneeling down next to him.
- I'm just... So exhausted now… All this was just too much.
- Ah. Yes, of course...
- But can we return to this another time?.. - Linhardt turned to look at him. - I would love that...
He smiled then. Reached to embrace him and felt the mage lean into his arms gratefully.
- We will, Lin.

—

- Do you get that sometimes?.. When you just... Want to curl up and sleep where you stand...
- Don't think so, - he thought of it for a moment. - Though... I guess I passed out from exhaustion those few times.
- So you do...
- Better go to bed, - Byleth said softly.
- Mh…
- And I should probably...
- Can I still sleep on you tonight?
'...leave you now?' He swallowed the rest of the question. And felt how warmth welled up inside. He didn't want to leave now too.
- Of course you can.

There were indeed two blankets on the bed.
And they used both - one on top of the other. Linhardt fell asleep in his arms soon, Byleth felt the mage's warm breath on his neck. He lay awake for a while, listening to the quiet sound of breathing. He wouldn't let go of him right now, no matter what Seteth had to say to that. And even if Edelgard herself with her army came to the gates tonight, they would have to manage without him.

===

The army was already seen at the premises. They had done all they could, now was the time to see this through. Byleth had been up since before dawn, checking on everyone, going through the last preparations before the inevitable siege.
Linhardt turned to him as he came up. He seemed calm. And a little pale.
- How are you? - the mercenary asked him. - Got some sleep?
The mage shrugged a bit. - Not as much as I’d like…
Byleth nodded to that. That was to be expected.
- Here, want one? - He offered him a cinnamon bun he had managed to fetch earlier, knowing those would always lift his mood.
- Thanks, - Linhardt took it reluctantly. - I rather not eat before a battle... But I'll save it for later. Something to look forward to…
He wrapped it back carefully and put it away in his pocket.
- What is this you're wearing? - he asked, nodding at the professor. - Mortal Savant?..
Byleth touched the chestplate - leather and thin metal plates, covered with oriental patterns.
- Passed the certification just yesterday.
- Always so efficient... - a little smile touched the mage's lips. - It suits you.
- Thank you, - he smiled back. Looked at the mage's face. - Ready?
Linhardt looked away, to the sky beyond the monastery wall.
- ...I'll do what I must, - he said quietly.
Byleth nodded.
- Good. We can do it, Lin, I know we can. And I'm glad to have you with us.
Then, knowing that this may be the last chance for that, he stepped in and held him close. The armor made it awkward, but the mage didn't seem to mind that at all, locking arms behind his back to return the hug. Byleth wished he could feel it better through leather and metal.
- But... After this is over... - the mage said quietly,
- When it's over we can talk more. I promise.
- Mh, - Linhardt nodded.
Byleth pressed his cheek to the mage's hair. Just a little more, he thought. A few precious seconds…
- Why does this uniform have a fur collar? - Linhardt wondered suddenly.
- I... Haven't thought of that.
- It's so fluffy... I could sleep on this, - the mage sighed and rubbed his face on the fur.
Byleth smiled.
And then the horns sounded from the watchtowers.