Chapter Text
Immediately after feeling the reality of the situation sink in, Billie bolted for the door. He didn’t know if was going to throw up or start sobbing uncontrollably but he didn’t want to wait and find out. He heard the bartender calling his name - he had left his tab open and she still had his card but he just held up his hand, begging she would understand that he needed a minute. He hadn’t made up his mind if he would actually return but he couldn’t think of anything else but the moment he was struggling to get through. It was one thing to see Mike after all these years but it was another to see him with another man, another man he was apparently comfortable with showing affection to… unlike he was with Billie many years ago.
The cold night air hit him like a ton of bricks, knocking the air from his lungs causing him to gasp. He bent down and rested his hands on his knees as he dry heaved and grasped for breath. He felt the hot tears pouring from his eyes as he watched them fall to his feet as his vision blurred. His chest began to burn and his body shook in agony as he desperately tried to regulate whatever the fuck was going on inside of his soul.
He couldn’t believe that Mike had moved on and he knew how selfish of a thought that was but how was it fair that Mike got to forget but he didn’t? Billie was at least expecting to find out that Mike was married but to a woman, considering how he was never comfortable with his sexuality and feelings toward Billie when they were younger. He would have never expected to see Mike in a relationship with a man, openly flaunting it for the world to see. That was supposed to be him kissing Mike in the corner of the bar listening to their song, not some stranger. Billie dry heaved again as he calmed his breathing, slowly forcing himself upright again.
Billie rubbed his eyes in an attempt to dry his own tears but they kept coming with no sign of a stop in sight. Deep down, he knew it was probably his fault for leaving Mike 10 years ago. He knew he probably should have given Mike more time to mature and come to terms with himself before he moved away and shunned him. Billie knew that whatever Mike was thinking when he played that song probably wasn’t pleasant as the look on his face told Billie as much. Billie felt as if he was trespassing on Mike’s turf now, not their old stomping grounds, and he felt out of place and unwelcomed. His body shook again in a new wave of pain.
He was too wrapped up in his own outward rush of grief that he didn’t hear the door open behind him. The hand that suddenly appeared on his shoulder jolted him back to the present, startling him enough to make him jump. Before he could turn around and face him, Billie knew it was Mike’s hand. He could never forget how sturdy and warm his touch was, even after all of these years. He hesitated a second, trying to rub away the tears from his eyes as if they haven’t happened but it only made it more obvious, reddening his face further. He shakily turned around and laid his gaze on Mike standing there, looking everywhere else except directly in his eyes. He was looking a little less imposing, his face was relaxed and his mouth wasn’t gnarled in the same tight lipped state it was earlier. He looked almost inviting but still, not quite. Billie was at a loss for words.
“You know, I never thought I’d see you again.” Mike started in an almost whisper. “I’d say you look good but right now… you look like hell.” Billie chuckled lightly through his ill hidden sobs, not even able to imagine how much of a mess he was right now.
“Yeah, well… I didn’t really plan on falling apart tonight.” Billie finally brought his eyes to meet Mike’s and he felt his chest tighten once again as his heart began pounding. He hadn’t been this close to Mike in so long, he had forgotten how strong of a blue his eyes were and how they twinkled in the moonlight. He blinked and more tears started falling and Billie blushed in frustration, swiping them away as quickly as he could.
“Why are you here?” Billie knew what Mike was asking without any more words.
“Things went… south… between Aaron and I and I left. Him. Everything.”
“Hm. That’s too bad.”
Silence fell upon the two men as they stood in the dark parking lot. The street lights were buzzing and the moon shone a spotlight on them as if they were on stage. Billie cleared his throat before he spoke, trying to sound as confident as possible even though his entire body was shaking.
“Is it? I’m not going to say I regret leaving with him but I had no business staying as long as I did. He wasn’t good to me. Not like…” Billie cut himself off and looked down to the ground.
“Not like what? Me? Please, isn’t that the reason you ditched me for him? I wasn’t good enough to you?”
“No. I left with him because he seemed proud to have me, show me off. It was obviously enough to get me hooked and then once we were alone… it all changed.”
“You know, Beej, watching you leave with him fucking hurt. For years people were asking me about you and it was like I was living in his shadow. I couldn’t stand it. I always thought that was were I was going to stand until I died. I watched him take you away from me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.”
“You could have stopped it.”
“How? I felt seduced and forgotten. I knew I wasn’t enough for you, you said as much. I asked you to give me time but apparently you had none of that to give.”
“I know.” A new set of tears found their way down Billie’s cheeks as he realized how hurt Mike truly he was. He was right, after all, and if Billie wasn’t so impatient and desperate, he might have been the one at the bar kissing Mike tonight.
“For years I kept remembering to forget you and I knew it was going to take a long time but it honestly took longer than I thought it would. I cried every day, I cried like a church on Monday. I was praying for these feelings to go away. They never did. Still haven’t.”
Sniffling, Billie looked to find Mike’s eyes once more as he searched for a hint as to what Mike had meant. “I never stopped loving you. Maybe that’s why he stopped loving me.”
“Maybe. I think I’m in the same boat. Notice how I came out here alone and he’s yet to come and check on me?”
“Yeah…”
“I saw you as soon as you walked in and I watched you the entire time. He noticed and asked who you were. He only kissed me when he realized you were going to come over. Like he wanted to mark his territory or something pathetic… I can’t stand him.”
“Why are you with him then?”
“You should know the answer to that better than me seeing as you lived it for years.”
Mike’s words took Billie aback. He was right, yet again, and he did know the answer to that. He stayed with Aaron for comfortability and necessity. They fell out love a long time ago and it was true that Billie was in love with Mike the entire time… he and Aaron had fought about it the longer they were together and it was always a point of contention.
“This may be a little… bold of me but what if we got to know each other again?”
Mike wasn’t surprised that Billie brought up the only thought he had since he saw him walk into the bar. The truth was, Mike had never wanted anything else in his entire life more than he wanted a second chance with Billie and here it was. He was comfortable in himself now and there wasn’t anything holding him back. He’d ditch whatshisname in a heartbeat.
“Do me a favor? Would you promise to love me like Sunday again?” Mike smiled at his own request.
“I couldn’t dream of doing anything else with anyone else.” Billie smiled back, feeling his tears dry on their own. “Shit… I forgot to close my tab.”
“I think I have some business in there as well… you know…”
“Sure. Sure. Meet you back out here in 5?”
“I’ve waited 10 years for you to come back, I think I can handle 5 more minutes.”