Chapter Text
kissboy jayce found out he was gay by using a bidet
19:02 (7:02 p.m.)
gayce: CAIT WHEER R U
gayce: I CNAT FIND THE GLITTER
lest fest: what do you need glitter for?
gayce: my scrapbook :(
melfunction: and why are you making a scrapbook?
vicky minaj: for our anniversary, probably.
gayce: FCUK U KNEW??
vicky minaj: you're not exactly subtle, dearest.
gayce: WELL
gayce: I STILL NEED GLITTER
bananas: do NOT go near vi and kiramman's room
the lorax: not the last name 😭
gayce: y not
bananas: there is clothing on the floor of the living room
bananas: need i say more
violence: hey we're just cuddling
violence: now
gayce: i love cuddlse
gayce: wink wink nudge nudge viktor
vicky minaj: what are you insinuating.
bananas: snuggles you moron
gayce: no cuddles
lest fest: are those different?
melfunction: i don't think so.
melfunction: you purr during both.
vicky minaj: WHAT!
cupcake: I fucking called it.
lest fest: mel!
melfunction: shit.
the lorax: FINALLY y'all got together
gayce: hypocrite
violence: what does that mrean
cupcake: oh honey...
gayce: idk but viktor said it so it must be smart
the lorax: Lord give me patience 🙏
vicky minaj: granted.
melfunction: lmfao
bananas: we ain't done w your ass
melfunction: excuse me?
bananas: how long have u and zesty lesty lime ranch been together
lest fest: well
lest fest: we're not
melfunction: we're not?
lest fest: are we?
melfunction: well,
violence: jsut kiss already
violence: its not hard
cupcake: but you know what is hard?
bananas: me
bananas: im hard for UR MOM
violence: JINX
the lorax: HER MOM IS DEAD
bananas: ...i knew that
bananas: oopsie
gayce: bruh
lest fest: i think caitlin deserves an apology
bananas: i didn't know she was in the building i blew up
melfunction: THAT WAS YOU??
bananas: perchance
vicky minaj: you can't just say perchance.
the lorax: hold on a minute
the lorax: jinx
the lorax: did you kill half the council?
bananas: yuppers
violence: but that's in the past and shes verry sorry
cupcake: I would like to hear that from her.
melfunction: agreed.
vicky minaj: ^
gayce: ^^
bananas: i am sorry
bananas: i can't say i didn't mean to do it
bananas: but i can regret my actions
bananas: i was impulsive and bitter and it hurt a lot of people
bananas: never again in my life will i hurt someone else to make myself feel better
bananas: vengeance and loathing won't be on the front of my mind anymore
bananas: i'll focus on fixing what i can instead
violence: wow
violence: im so proud of u powpow
the lorax: me as well
gayce: yea i was expecting you to blow it off tbh
bananas: people change
vicky minaj: yes they do
melfunction: great first step, jinx.
lest fest: jinx or powder?
bananas: ...
bananas: i don't know.
cupcake: we can figure that out later
cupcake: jinx are we cool
bananas: yes
bananas: well
bananas: im cool
bananas: you're not
the lorax: aaand she's back
cupcake: 💀
violence: dw babe im cooler and that riaises ur aura by 203827402 pointes bc ur my gf
cupcake: ...thanks
bananas: nuh uh
bananas: Isha says i'm the coolest person ever
gayce: ok and who else says that
bananas: piss off kissboy
gayce: >:0
gayce: rude!!1!
the lorax: replied to "ok and who else thinks that" me bitch
lest fest: oh?
melfunction: oh!
vicky minaj: .
vicky minaj: ladies...
FRIENDS
19:14 (7:14 p.m.)
burger king: vi, you saw that this time, right?
taco bell: saw whart
panera bread: 😭
white castle: not again...
dairy queen: CMON VI
taco bell: WHAT??
kissboy jayce found out he was gay by using a bidet
19:16 (7:16 p.m.)
bananas: replied to "me bitch" @gayce yeah bitch
bananas: fucking told you so
bucky barnes: replied to "Isha says i'm the coolest person ever" Isha doesn't say shit.
bananas: h8er 🖕
melfunction: did you only come here to hate?
bucky barnes: Damn right.
the lorax: quiet as a mouse and inside your house
violence: im lowk surprisded isha isnt in ths chat
cupcake: babe
violence: yea
cupcake: why would a literal child have a phone
violence: y not
melfunction: should i be worried about how you raise this child
vicky minaj: bestie you're all the way in Noxus i don't think you need to be worried
bananas: you should be worried
violence: alright wrap it up u aint scarinfg nobody powpow
melfunction: powpow?
bananas: genuinely go fuck yourself
violence: but its so much bedter when cait does it :(
bananas: EW GTFO
gayce: not in front of my Chicken Sees Her Salad you wretches
cupcake: JEALOUS MUCH?
gayce: I HAVE A BF???
bananas: WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW
melfunction: we know TOO WELL.
viktorious: when did you become a hater?
melfunction: since the day my mum had an affair.
gayce: WHEN DID TAHT HAPPEN??????
cupcake: WHEN SHE WAS CONCEIVED JAYCE KEEP UP.
gayce: OH
gayce: i forgor 💀
melfunction: fake friend smh. /lh
gayce: hooray the tone indicatore!!
lest fest: replied to "since the day my mum had an affair." i'm sorry that happened, mel. :(
melfunction: thank you ml!
melfunction: <3
lest fest: ofc <3
academy's mean girls 💋
19:26 (7:26 p.m.)
gretchen: ok are we going to talk about that?
regina: about what?
karen: that was sooooo gay omg
cady: glad we all noticed.
regina: ??? what are you all on about
gretchen: don't pretend like you don't know.
gretchen: we KNOW that heart was intentional.
regina: oh
regina: that
karen: her punctruation is slpping
karen: that means shes panicing
regina: umm no, i just forget sometimes.
cady: you never forget. unless you intentionally want a message to sound different.
gretchen: i have also noticed this.
karen: i have too
regina: we're so scholar core guys!
gretchen: omg we are 🤭🤭 now back to the subject.
karen: LMFAO
regina: dammit.
cady: she means business.
gretchen: yes i do, viktor. yes i do.
gretchen: you like her!
regina: well, obviously. we've been friends for ages.
karen: noooo u guys r girlfirends!
cady: clearly, you like lest as more than a friend.
gretchen: ^
gretchen: and we still haven't talked about the cuddle thing earlier!
karen: OMFG I AMLOST FROGOT
cady: 'i amlost' we know dear.
gretchen: GUYS LOCK IN
regina: they were platonic cuddles!
karen: BULLSHIT
gretchen: not you only spelling swear words right. 😭🙏
karen: not nyou using punctruation AND emojis
gretchen: stfu.
cady: replied to "they were platonic cuddles!" YOU SAID SHE PURRS!
regina: SO?? I WOULD PURR TOO
gretchen: YOU'RE PROVING OUR POINT???
regina: no like
regina: i just want her to know i'm not using her is all.
regina: that we're actually friends yk?
karen: mhmmm
regina: i'm serious!
regina: i relied on her to get information from salo and my mother.
cady: oh.
regina: i want to make it clear that our FRIENDship will continue even if she no longer spies for me.
regina: basically i still want her around.
gretchen: and why is that?
regina: lest is great company.
regina: she's easy to talk to.
regina: and open-minded.
regina: and creative.
regina: i really like the person i am when i'm with her.
karen: BB THATS SO GAY 😭😭
regina: no, it's not!
cady: well. a little.
gretchen: more like a lot.
gretchen: that's exactly how i felt about vi.
karen: and me abt u and vik
regina: ok well.
regina: i have only ever dated men.
regina: so i am straight.
cady: that is some bullshit logic.
gretchen: LMAOOO
regina: excuse me?? 🤨
karen: im gonna hold ur hand when i tell u this
karen: ppl (me) can be bisexual
cady: 🤯
gretchen: well done boys.
regina: i don't think i'm bi.
karen: I DIDDNT EITHER
karen: until i stopped DENYING my FEELINGS for my FRIEND
gretchen: wisdom and no spelling errors from jayce? who tf kidnapped my bestie?
karen: ROOD
karen: i jst locked in
karen: smartened for mel
regina: bro gained consciousness.
gretchen: bro had an epiphany.
cady: his glorious revelation, if you will.
gretchen: LOL!
regina: 💀
karen: my aha! moment only comes once a year yall better listen up
gretchen: 🫡
cady: waiting for your input.
regina: let's hear it.
karen: you are gay.
cady: very poetic. very deep.
gretchen: AND THE CROWD GOES MILD 🗣🔊🔥
regina: is that all?
karen: uh yea kinda 💀
karen: im pretty, not smart ok
gretchen: you are neither actually! hope this helps <3
karen: stfu 🤩
cady: he was heimer's pupil, actually. he is intelligent.
karen: THANK YEW
karen: but am i byutiful?? 🥺
cady: you are indeed.
karen: 😳
karen: ur beautiful too 🤭
karen: 😘
karen: 😍
gretchen: you are almost as bad as vi.
cady: VI does that too?!
gretchen: you didn't hear it from me.
regina: oh yeah that reminds me. lest is beautiful too.
regina: basically. well-rounded woman.
cady: ...i have no words.
gretchen: MEL
gretchen: MEL MEDARDA.
gretchen: YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY USE 'beautiful' INSTEAD OF 'pretty' AND 'woman' INSTEAD OF 'friend' AND THEN EXPECT US TO BE COOL???
karen: dw cait has plenty of words
regina: why are you so pressed cait?
gretchen: im actually going to explode hello
cady: please don't. we don't want to give the cleaning staff more work.
karen: CRYING 😭😭
gretchen: i hate gay people.
karen: HOMOPHOBE
gretchen: I AM GAY DUMBASS.
karen: oh yea
cady: FASCIST.
gretchen: NOT ANYMORE!
regina: RACIST
gretchen: IM ASIAN
cady: ASIAN PEOPLE CAN BE RACIST TOO.
karen: YEAH EVERYONE CNA BE RAICST
regina: stop being racistphobic caitlin.
regina: we're going to cancel you on twitter dot com.
gretchen: ehrm actually it's x now ☝🤓
karen: teh twitter bird died :(
cady: fly high Twitter bird 🦅 (couldn't find the 🕊 emoji)
gretchen: how can he fly if he's dead stupid.
karen: cait your fascism is showing 🫢
gretchen: yeah well your fascistphobia is showing.
regina: gottem
cady: this is so stupid.