Chapter Text
When Chandler came through the door, Monica didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to kiss him or punch him, but she moved toward him anyway, not knowing what she would do when she reached him.
In the end, she never found out. Joey was faster, and he had Chandler wrapped in a bear hug before Monica could do anything at all.
“Where have you been?” Joey demanded.
“I think we’d all like to know the answer to that,” said Monica, crossing her arms.
“I went upstate,” Chandler mumbled around Joey’s sweater. Joey released him.
“You were gone for days! We were all worried sick,” Monica snapped.
“Sorry,” said Chandler, looking down at his hands. “I didn’t mean to worry anyone. And I would have been back earlier, but I couldn’t get on the train. My credit card was canceled for some reason.”
“That’s weird,” said Joey, exchanging a guilty look with Phoebe. “We definitely don’t know anything about that.”
“What were you doing upstate?” Phoebe asked.
“I went to visit Kip,” said Chandler.
My ex-boyfriend Kip? “I didn’t know you kept in touch,” Monica said guardedly.
“We don’t,” said Chandler. “I just… I had to think.”
“You had to think?” Monica scoffed. “You disappear off the face of the earth for nearly a week and all you have to say is you had to think?”
“Actually… no,” Chandler said slowly. “I came to say something else.”
He took Monica’s hand and guided her into the sitting area, the rest of the group following in their wake.
“Look, it’s been a rough couple weeks for all of us,” Chandler started. “And if it made me realize one thing… it’s that we shouldn’t break up. So…”
Before Monica could do or say anything, Chandler was down in front of her on one knee holding out a diamond ring.
“...Monica Geller, will you marry me?”
“YES!” said Joey.
“Oh, no,” said Phoebe.
“I can’t not watch,” said Rachel, flopping down on the couch.
Monica stood speechless. Everyone’s eyes were on her, waiting to see how she would respond.
“I… excuse me?” said Monica when she finally found her voice. “You think you can just waltz in here after days of radio silence and ask me to marry you? Are you crazy?”
Chandler frowned, a shadow of uncertainty crossing his face. “Is this not what you wanted?”
“Of course not! What made you think this is a good idea?”
Chandler looked down at the ring. “Well… Joey kept talking about how if I wasn’t careful, you and I would end up like Ross and Rachel. I thought I’d mess everything up and be cast out of the group, and I thought I’d rather leave than be kicked out, so... I went to visit the last person this happened to: Kip.
“Kip lives upstate with his wife. He was nice enough to let me stay with them for a few days, even though we haven’t spoken in years. I started looking for a new apartment and a new job outside of the city, but… I missed you.” His eyes swept over the rest of the group. “I missed all of you. And I looked at Kip and his wife and I thought… marriage doesn’t look awful. Maybe I could do that. Why not? So I came back.”
Monica sat on the armchair behind her, her head spinning, trying to take all this in.
“Okay,” she said slowly. “Explain how you jumped straight from not breaking up to getting married.”
“I talked to Rachel before I left. She said we either had to break up or get married. I’d rather get married than break up.”
Monica turned to Rachel. “What kind of stupid advice is that?”
“Eventually!” Rachel exclaimed. “I meant eventually, not tomorrow! I thought you knew that!”
Chandler’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “I did not know that!” he exclaimed. “I’m dumb when it comes to relationships! You have to spoon feed me this stuff! I thought you knew that!”
“Chandler,” Monica said gently, taking his hands back in hers, “do you actually want to get married?”
Chandler looked back down at the ring and considered the question. “I know I’d rather get married than break up,” he said eventually.
Monica opened her mouth to tell him that that wasn’t a good reason, that she only wanted to marry someone who wanted to marry her, that her answer was no, but another voice spoke first.
“This is so stupid,” said Ross.
Everyone turned to look at him, mouths agape.
“Hey!” Chandler snapped, pointing a finger in Ross’s face. “It may be stupid, but it’s still the most important moment of my life!”
“No–no!” said Ross, slapping Chandler’s hand away. “This is not the most important moment of your life! You are not getting married!”
“That’s not your decision to make!” Monica hissed, even though she agreed with him. “I thought we talked about this! This is my proposal, and it’s my right to say yes if I want to!”
“So that’s a yes?” said Chandler.
“ No!” said Monica. “I’m just saying I could say yes if I wanted to.”
“I know! I know you can,” Ross said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but please listen to my advice. I got married after dating Emily for six weeks, and look what happened! I mean… my god, is this how you all felt when I told you we were engaged?”
“Yeah, kinda,” said Rachel and Phoebe mumbled, nodding.
“I made a huge mistake,” Ross said quietly, his eyes wide as he reached this epiphany. “I was so desperate to be married, I didn’t think about whether getting married was the right thing to do… and now I’m so desperate to stay married that I’m willing to give up one of my best friends… all my friends… for a shot at saving a six week relationship? I mean, I don’t even know if I was over…” he cast a long look at Rachel, then started toward Monica’s room. “Can I use your phone? I have to call Emily.”
“Of course,” said Monica, bewildered.
The group looked on in silence as Ross crossed the apartment, then closed the door behind him.
“He’s right,” Monica said finally, turning back to Chandler. “Chandler, we should only get married if we both want to. Not because we’re afraid of the alternative.”
“So… that’s it then?” Chandler said quietly, looking down. “It’s over?”
“I didn’t say that!” said Monica. “This isn’t a black and white choice. We can stay together without getting married–at least not right away. I’m sorry I didn’t make my expectations clear, and I’m sorry some people couldn’t keep their nose in their own business,” she added with a glare at Joey, who raised his hands defensively.
“So… you still want to be my girlfriend?” Chandler said hopefully.
“We’ll see how it goes,” said Monica cooly, though she felt a smile creeping onto her face for the first time in days.
“Okay,” Chandler said, breathing a sigh of relief and tossing the ring box over his shoulder as he leaned in to kiss Monica.
“I’m sorry I left,” he added when they broke apart. “Next time, we’ll just talk about things. I promise.”
As he turned around, they both saw Rachel kneeling on the floor, admiring the discarded ring.
“Sorry to disappoint, but I’ll have to return that tomorrow,” Chandler said.
“Monica, are you sure you don’t want to say yes?” Rachel joked as she handed the box back to Chandler. “That’s a very nice ring.”
“Don’t even joke about that,” said Chandler, shoving it frantically back into his pocket.
“Yeah, Rachel,” said Joey. “Quit pushing them into marriage before they’re ready! That’s really none of your business.”
Rachel glared at him. “You’re the one who–”
“Uh… oh no!” said Joey quickly. “I think the lasagna is burning!”
“There’s lasagna?” Chandler asked, his eyebrows perking up with interest.
“It’s not burning,” said Monica, rolling her eyes at Joey. “It’s alright, Joey,” she added. “I know you were just trying to help us. Come on,” she said to the others as she stood up. “Let’s go set the table.”
Ross hung up the phone with great exhaustion. The conversation was shorter than he would have liked–the end of a marriage, he felt, deserved more than a fifteen minute phone call. But it was what it was, and now it was over.
His heart was heavy, but he knew he had done the right thing. It was telling, he thought, that he was mourning his marriage that had barely begun more than he mourned the loss of Emily herself.
He sat quietly on the edge of Monica’s bed for a while, doing nothing but letting the sadness and heartbreak wash over him.
The sound of his friends’ laughter from the kitchen broke him out of his trance. He smiled to himself. It hurt now, but he knew that being able to stay with his friends would be worth all the pain he’d be feeling over the next several months. He stood up and left the room to join them.
Everyone’s laughter died down when Ross stepped out of the room. They stared at him expectantly.
“Well… what happened?” asked Monica as he made his way to the table. She handed him a plate piled high with lasagna and salad as he approached.
Ross shrugged. “We’re getting divorced,” he said as casually as he could. “No, no, it’s okay!” he added as his friends started a chorus of awws and I’m sorrys.
“It’s okay,” he said more assuredly when they quieted down. “This is going to be good in the long run. Speaking of marriage…” he turned to Monica and Chandler inquisitively. They smiled back at him.
“We have big news!” said Chandler. “We’re not getting married!”
“Congratulations!” laughed Ross, breaking into a grin as the rest of his friends chuckled and applauded.
As he sat down, Monica passed him a basket of garlic bread and Phoebe began talking about how she planned to dispose of some family heirloom her mother had given her recently. Rachel offered him a smile from across the table, and he smiled back, thoughts of Emily and his impending divorce far from his mind.
An hour later, all the food was long gone. They never had leftovers when Joey was at the table.
Ross sat alone on the couch, eating the last of Monica’s dessert–which, she informed him, was called blancmange–and once again taking in the ambiance of the apartment. Monica and Chandler stood together at the sink; she washed the dishes while he dried them and put them away. They made a good team, Ross thought, regretting having stood between them. Meanwhile, Joey and Rachel took turns modeling Phoebe’s fur coat, which she still insisted would be cremated, much to their chagrin. He wondered how, just a few days ago, he had watched them in this same way and thought he could leave.
“Pheebs, it would be a crime against fashion to burn this,” Rachel insisted.
“It’s a crime against nature to have it!” Phoebe retorted. “How will you two face the chick and the duck again, knowing you’ve worn the skins of their cousins?”
“They’re birds,” said Joey. “They won’t care. They don’t have fur.”
“Well maybe we should go ask them then,” Phoebe said, taking the coat back from Rachel and whisking out the door. “You’ll see!”
“They’re going to side with me,” Joey said, following Phoebe. “I’m basically their dad; I taught them everything they know.” He turned back to Rachel before shutting the door. “You comin’, Rach?”
“No, thanks,” Rachel said with an amused smile. “You can catch me up later.”
She looked around the apartment, then caught Ross’s eye. He straightened up and wiped some stray blancmange off his face as he realized she was making her way towards him. He moved over to make room as she sat on the couch beside him.
“Hi,” he rasped.
“Hi,” she said back, smiling. “I’m… I’m sorry to hear about Emily,” she offered.
Ross snorted in laughter. “No, you’re not.”
“Alright, fine, I’m not,” Rachel confessed. “I’m glad to see that bitch go. But I’m still sorry.”
“Thanks,” Ross said with a nod.
“Really though, I’m just glad I’m not losing you,” said Rachel, putting a hand on his knee. “Thank you for picking us.”
“It was the right thing to do,” Ross told her with certainty.
Rachel nodded. Her lips were parted, but she said nothing.
“What?” said Ross.
“What what?” said Rachel.
“C’mon,” said Ross, giving her a playful nudge. “I can tell you want to say something.”
Rachel sighed. “Oh, alright.” She straightened up and faced him with a serious look. “I know you just got out of a relationship, and that your divorce won’t be finalized for a while, and that you’ve been pretty mad at me these past few weeks–with good reason–but… is there any chance you’d still want to get back together?”
“Oh,” said Ross. He wasn’t sure how to respond.
Somehow he hadn’t considered that he and Rachel were a possibility again, now that Emily was out of the picture. It was tempting, to be sure; how easy it would be to get back together with Rachel, to pick up right where they left off, to be a big happy family with Ben and their own future children… and yet he hesitated.
“I want to,” he said finally. “I want to more than anything in the world… but I don’t think I’m ready.”
“What do you mean?” asked Rachel.
Ross sighed. “Ever since Carol left, I’ve been desperate to be married again. I rushed into an engagement with Emily because I was so eager to have that stability again. And probably because I was still trying to get over losing you.” He took her hand. “I still love you Rachel, and I’d love for us to be together again one day, but… for now, I think I need time to get comfortable with being on my own. Do you understand?”
Rachel gave him a sad smile. “Yeah,” she said. “I do.”
“I know I can’t expect you to wait for me,” Ross added. “But after a while… maybe we could start things up again?”
“I’d like that,” said Rachel. “I’ll be right here whenever you’re ready.”
The two of them hugged and Ross took comfort in the scent of her coconut shampoo. One day, he told himself, but not now.
He’d get used to the idea of being single, of not being the marriage guy. And when they finally got back together, he promised himself, he’d be okay with her career taking center stage. He wouldn’t need her to be around every moment so he could feel like he had a girlfriend, because he’d be secure by himself, and then he’d know he was with the right person.
“I really don’t want to make the mistakes I made before,” Ross told Rachel as they broke apart.
“Me either,” said Rachel. “Next time, we’ll get it right.”
“Right,” said Ross. “And that’s why I have to know… would you consider this a break?”