Chapter Text
"You are awfully quiet this time, young man."
"It's not that I'm quiet. It's usually you and Azul talking, sir."
"Yes." Leviathan agrees. A burst of laughter from Floyd makes them momentarily distracted. He's digging coins not far from where they're seated. "But you are quiet. As in there is something on your mind."
Is it?
Jade should have known. It's hard to hide anything from a millions year old creature. Plus Azul isn't here to occupy Leviathan with his stories like he always does every time they're here. He's at home, busy schemi- ahem, making plans, considering his newly acquired position as dorm leader and their newly opened lounge.
Jade should have stayed at home with him, being the new vice dorm leader and all. Both Jade and Floyd were supposed to stay at home with him. But no, Floyd really wanted to visit 'Umihebi-san', and Azul can deny it all he wants, but he's a sucker for Floyd's puppy eyes. And Jade, being the responsible and caring brother that he is, just had to come with him to make sure nothing bad happens.
Yes, he knows there's nothing to worry about, and Floyd's more than capable.
No, no one forced him to come with Floyd.
No, he didn't understand the exasperated look and the sigh Azul gave him after they left.
Jade admits, he's been rather...cranky...ever since they started second year. Azul has started to notice it. He just hasn't called Jade out. Yet. Soon though, Jade thinks, with the way he keeps giving Jade the look. Like he's being stupid. Like he's being paranoid.
Maybe he is.
But how could he just talk about it? Not to Leviathan. Not even to Azul. Especially not to Floyd. Saying the thoughts that have been plaguing his mind out loud makes him feel so...petty. So vulnerable. So pathetic. In every worst way possible.
"...Leviathan-san."
"Yes, lad?"
"...The first time we met..." So instead, Jade asks Leviathan another thing that has left him sleepless too often to his liking, waking up at dead of nights, dreading what it means, reminding him of that deep seated fear of something, someone important - too important - slipping out of his weak grasp. "...You said you had these old feelings. Wanting to kill. Us."
"...I did."
"You wouldn't call them old feelings if you didn't experience them more than once. And I don't recall having met you before you said that."
"You are just as sharp as your brother." Leviathan laughs, amusement and fondness laces his voice. "It's strange. You two are so different, but so similar in the smallest details, you know."
"..."
"And to your question, I have only experienced these feelings a good two or three times ever since I met my boy." He says easily, as if killing intent is just some completely normal chit-chat. "You know when the last time was, I believe."
Jade does. That overpowering aura. So memorising that it still haunts his dreams. So intense that it has his windpipe in a grip too tight that he sometimes chokes on his own breath in the middle of the day. He feels it often. When he sleeps. When he's awake. When he looks at the people around Floyd a little too long. When he stares at his reflection in the mirror, all gentle smile and mild mannered and cold empty eyes.
"The first time was the day I met him." He gestures to Floyd, and Jade takes a look at his brother again. He's making a seaweed crown. Jade still keeps the first one Floyd's ever made (for him), sloppy and loose and laced with various colorful shells and oh so endearing. "Destruction and chaos. That's my whole being. That's who I am. That was what I enjoyed doing. And I had spent the last millennia doing just that."
"Rinsed and repeated. And things inevitably got boring after a while..." Jade says, more to himself than to the creature he's sitting on - he still remembers his Before, dull and monotonous and utterly forgettable why does he still remember it - but Leviathan nods in understanding anyway.
"Indeed. So when he appeared right in front of me, curious and carefree and innocent, with no malicious intent or malevolent purpose..." Leviathan muses, his eyes hold that faraway look again, which Jade finds both ridiculous and understandable at the same time. It's already thirteen years ago, but it's only thirteen years ago to Leviathan. "...He brought back that excitement, however briefly that was. I wanted to crush him. I wanted to watch that light dimmed. I wanted to show him what true terror was."
"..."
"But he was unafraid. That boy just did not care." He huffs a laugh. "I told him that he was going to die, and he was okay with it, while demanding me to fulfil his request."
"...Out of curiosity, what did he want?"
"To sink another ship. I don't think that child realised this area had been deserted for thousands years already. It was pure accident that the unfortunate ship just drifted by the exact moment he came here." At this, Jade can't help letting out a snort, because that was so Floyd. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Leviathan casts an amused glance at him.
"...And you wanted to do the same to us. Me and Azul, I mean."
"Yes."
"Why?" Why does Jade still have to ask this? He knew why already. Has known for as long as he knew Floyd. That ugly urge to just let go of himself and screw it all when more and more interesting things and interesting people just keep coming into their lives and threaten to tear Floyd away from h-
Just. Stop.
Silence. Ten seconds. One minute. One and a half. And counting.
"...Maybe it's because I'd been alone for so long, to the point I didn't realise it myself. The second time..." The mythical creature says slowly, as if he wants Jade to hear everything he has to say. "He didn't come here six months straight when he was five." When Floyd met him, Jade notes. "And he didn't come here for another six months when he was twelve." When they met Azul. "I thought that he had forgotten this boring old creature."
"..."
"So I figured that if I obliterated anything that caught his eyes, my child wouldn't be taken away from me."
"Stop calling Floyd your child." Jade snaps. Although subtle, the Leviathan looks baffled by his reaction.
"Why not?"
"Floyd is not yours. Floyd doesn't belong to anyone." And he is not yours either, Jade thinks to himself, bitter and angry. Jade cannot call Floyd his, as much as he wants to put Floyd in a terrarium to keep him safe from this cruel world, to keep Floyd all to himself. Jade cannot let himself loose, as much as he wants to destroy everything and everyone that holds Floyd's interest. Because Jade likes it best when Floyd enjoys himself. Because Floyd lets go easily. Because Jade needs Floyd to be interested to stay in this world a little bit longer. Because Jade would rather living a life watching Floyd from afar than living a life not having Floyd in it at all. Because Jade still wants to live. Because Jade refuses to be the one who binds Floyd to his ugly, greedy self.
Jade briefly wonders, what would his life have been, if he hadn't offered Floyd his hand, if Floyd hadn't accepted him. And then he shudders, for he can't bring himself to imagine it.
"...When he was around thirteen," Leviathan continues, after deeming that Jade has more or less composed himself. "I told him that I wanted to kill you. You and young Ashengrotto, I mean. Do you know what happened afterwards?"
"..."
"He looked at me, straight in the eyes. Staring right through my soul. I had never known what being picked apart felt like until then."
"...And?"
"And he asked: 'Can you kill me next when you're done with them?'"
"..."
"That was the first time I truly realised how cruel he could be when he wanted to be. His innocent, his fire, the light in his eyes, those aren't just something he was born with. He fights. He grows. He adapts. He bends himself to survive. But he still lives to the fullest. He stays true to who he originally is. And he is unbreakable." Leviathan looks at him. His eyes burn, scorching hot and painful, like a thousand suns. "Of course, I couldn't do it, and told him to go home. Again, he agreed easily enough, and said that he would see me later."
"That really sounded like Floyd." Jade let out a choked laugh. How could he not? What Leviathan just said was so surreal and weird and ridiculous. He feels kind of lightheaded. His eyes sting, and he can't even rub it off or say that it's because of the sea water.
"What I want to say is that there's nothing wrong with wanting to call someone you hold dear yours. And we both know that nothing can tie that child down, or force him to do what he doesn't want to anyway. He chooses who he belongs to, who he wants to be his, and we are all powerless before the unstoppable force that is he himself." Leviathan gives him a tiny smile, kind and wise and strange. "He is mine. The child I chose. Mine to cherish. Mine to protect. Mine to care for. He is mine, as much as he is young Ashengrotto's. As much as he is yours."
The ancient being say nothing more after that. They continue to watch Floyd. He's adding some finishing touches to his seaweed crown, the fish gather around him, curious about the sparkling object in his hands.
The fear. It's still there. Jade doesn't think it will ever go away. That's just how it is, he guesses, whenever Floyd is involved. But now, it feels lighter. Jade can breathe a little bit easier, and things don't seem so dark anymore.
"...Leviathan-san."
"Yes, lad?"
"...Thank you."
"...You're welcome."
And when Floyd swims back to them, putting that new seaweed crown on Jade'd head, pretty and tightknit and laced with shells and scales and jewelries, Jade can't help the teary smile tugging at his lips.
And if Jade sees Leviathan fondly rolls his eyes, he decides to just ignore it.