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Chapter Text

The morning air is chilly in the forest and he knows it will be winter soon.

While Yuuji and Nobara run ahead through the trees, Megumi stares up at the sky. There is no blue today, just gray clouds as far as he can see. It is strangely comforting even though it makes the forest darker than usual. While he is far away from the estates here, nobody knows where he is. Takatoshi is gone, he does not know for how long. 

Who would even look for him?

Megumi raises his hands, positioning them in one of the many formations Takatoshi showed him over and over. Even though Megumi always refused to summon the animals, no matter how many times Takatoshi yelled at him, he had still memorized all the hand formations. Though, he will not let anyone in the Zenin clan know he can do them.

From the shadows of the trees, he hears wings flapping. Then in a blur of orange and brown, Nue flies swiftly past Megumi and into the sky, creating a gust of strong air. 

Even though he had been able to summon Nue for years, Megumi has barely ever seen Nue and never in bright light.

Nue soars overhead of Megumi, spiraling above the tops of the trees in large circles. The orange wings stretch out wide, even from here he can see the feathers in the wind. It is harder for Nue to leave the shadows than Shiro and Kuro at the Zenin estates. Someone would see Nue too easily.

“Megumi, that’s amazing!” Yuuji calls out beside him, running through the slightly dying grass to Megumi’s side, eyes turned up to the sky. He points and his voice is filled with joy. “Is that another one of your shadows?”

“They are shikigami,” Megumi says, turning away from Yuuji to watch Nue circle freely in the sky. When he is at the Zenin estates, Nue has to stay hidden away, even more than Shiro and Kuro. There was nowhere for Nue to fly freely there.

Maybe Nue feels like Megumi, trapped at the estates. The sky must feel very wide. 

“You haven't showed us this shikigami yet!” Yuuji says, sounding just as excited as before.

He had not. Shiro and Kuro were easier to summon, they also appeared much easier and looked more similar to normal animals. Even though Nue does not look like a normal animal, Yuuji does not seem scared at all.

Actually, they did not seem scared of Shiro or Kuro either. Yuuji and Nobara even pet them like they were normal dogs and not made of shadows.

Nobara runs up to them, staring up at the sky and Nue with an amazed look. “What is that?”

“Nue,” Megumi says, because he is not sure exactly what kind of animal Nue is. Takatoshi never told him either. Maybe he did not know or maybe the previous Ten Shadows users did not know. Or perhaps Nue is not a normal animal at all, that is possible. 

“That’s not an animal I know,” Nobara crosses her arms. “Is it like an owl?”

“That’s a big owl,” Yuuji says, then his smile gets even wider. “Is Nue soft like Shiro and Kuro?”

Megumi nods. Even though he has only ever seen Nue in the dark, Nue’s orange feathers were very soft. It was rare for Nue to come out of the shadows, but sometimes Nue did—to sit with Megumi in the dark as if trying to comfort him.

Yuuji looks at Megumi, his eyes shining even though the sun is hidden behind clouds. “Megumi, your technique is amazing!”

They are not words he hears often, or ever. He has never heard someone say it before, the words feel fake almost. Like he is expecting Yuuji to be lying, especially when Takatoshi has always insisted on the opposite being true. 

A failure. Useless. A mistake for him to be the Ten Shadows inheritor.

  Your technique is amazing. 

Megumi does not know how to describe the feeling the words make. But he strangely feels like smiling.

Another week passes and Takatoshi still has not come back. Almost the entire estate ignores Megumi or does not seem to remember that he is there at all. It is a relief. 

Even Jinichi leaves Megumi alone, saying that he will injure himself too much if he trains anymore then he will be useless entirely. So nobody is looking for Megumi at all, nobody stops by his little room, nobody speaks to him in the estates. 

It feels like he can breathe again. Even though he knows he has been breathing, so it does not make sense. But it feels like he can breathe better.

He looks at the books and papers Takatoshi left about Ten Shadows, but he cannot read them very well. He does not know what any of it says, so he pretends until nobody looks for him anymore because they think he is studying like Takatoshi told him. Not even the curious servants look twice at him now.

Then he leaves, walking through the wall and the shadows.

Everyday, he slips through the shadows and runs into the forest. Runs through the forest and snow until he sees a cabin with smoke rising from the fireplace. 

Megumi barely remembers his ninth birthday, too focused on trying to train and not become too injured to leave his room. He spends it in the training rooms, trying to dodge hits from Jinichi and Takatoshi’s scalding words about his failure.

The words are so frequent that he barely notices them anymore, still refusing to summon Shiro and Kuro. Refusing to tell anyone at the estates that he can summon more than the dogs. The words are no longer sharp or hurtful, now they are like a dull pain. He barely listens to them anymore. He could recite the words back to Takatoshi if he wanted. He has heard it so many times.

Another failure. 

He knows he could do what they want him to do. He knows he could do it, even if they do not know. He has summoned the shikigami before, but he will not let them know he can. Maybe he is stubborn, like Takatoshi says he is, but he does not want Takatoshi to hurt the shikigami.

He does not like how Takatoshi talks about the shikigami as if they do not matter. One time, he called them weapons. Takatoshi said it does not matter what happens to them, they are only shikigami, weapons to be used.

He is wrong. Megumi knows Takatoshi is wrong, but he can never explain why.

So he acts as if he cannot do it.

Takatoshi only grows more and more angry with him. His words become more and more painful, insulting Megumi’s father, his mother, everything about Megumi. It does not matter.

Megumi listens to Jinichi’s lessons, trains because only he can be hurt from those. The animals are safe from them this way. Only Megumi can be hurt by this and that is better.

Jinichi does not seem to care much for the shikigami. He cares more about whether or not Megumi can fight with a sword or can keep standing after being attacked. To be resilient, he says.

Maybe he is too young to understand, but why does being resilient mean he is always hurting?

After each training practice, he goes back to his little cold room and tries to make his injuries feel better. Sometimes, if it is snowy outside, he will grab handfuls of snow and hold them to the bruises. It helps sometimes. His hands turn red from holding the freezing snow, until it melts into cold water and drips onto the blankets.

Megumi is not allowed to see a doctor, is what Takatoshi tells him. Because he must become resilient. Megumi tries to ignore the way his wrist hurts most of the time now. So he can be resilient.

Megumi sneaks back to the forest and to the cabin, anything to be away from the Zenin estates. Even though his arms are covered in bruises from training, from falling, from the blunt part of weapons knocking into him, and Takatoshi’s cane hitting him, he makes his way through the woods. 

Shiro and Kuro walk with him—their glowing eyes watching over the forest. 

By the time he makes it to the cabin, he can see Yuuji and Nobara outside running around a big pile of fallen leaves. Nobara grabs an armful and throws them at Yuuji, who is laughing while trying to grab at the leaves. 

Yuuji notices him first, he stops trying to catch the falling leaves. “Megumi! You’re back!”

Nobara also turns to look at him, her arms still full of orange and yellow leaves. Yuuji jumps over the pile of leaves, running up to Megumi with a wide smile. Megumi has never met someone who smiles so much before, it is almost strange. 

“You didn’t say goodbye before you left last time!” Yuuji says but his smile quickly fades and he reaches out, grabbing Megumi’s hand. “Megumi! What happened to your arms!”

Yuuji is staring at Megumi's arm, his eyes wide. Nobara runs over, “What happened to what?”

She also stops when she sees his arms. Why do they look so concerned? Nobara points at his arms and the bruises, her voice much louder than before. “What’s wrong with them?”

“I was training,” Megumi says, confused. Why are they reacting like this?

“Does it hurt?” Yuuji asks and he sounds very worried. 

It does hurt, not as bad as some injuries he has had from training or because of Takatoshi. So, he has been able to ignore it for the most part today. 

“Come on,” Yuuji says, still holding Megumi’s hand as he pulls him towards the cabin. “If you’re hurt, someone needs to look at it. Especially if it’s hard to do things when you’re injured.”

Nobara walks alongside them, frowning down at Megumi’s arms like she is mad at them. Why would she be mad about that? “What kind of training are you doing anyway?”

“Normal training?” Megumi is not sure what other kind of training there is, besides the kind he is already doing. 

Yuuji throws open the doors to the cabin. “Grandpa! Megumi’s injured!”

Immediately, Megumi dislikes having everyone looking at him, staring at him, looking too much. Even if they all seem concerned, people rarely look this much at him at the Zenin estates. Even when Wasuke waves Megumi to sit down so he can look at the injuries, even if it seems to be from concern, it makes Megumi uneasy. 

Wasuke frowns, huffing after seeing all of the bruises over Megumi’s arms. “What kind of training have they got children doing at that clan? Are you injured anywhere else?”

He was, his legs hurt as well. But the amount of staring was making him uneasy, like he was being watched. He shakes his head, “No.”

Wasuke looks at him, his frown never leaving. “Are you sure?”

Megumi nods again so Wasuke stands up, huffing from effort. “I have some medicinal salves that can help. Don’t go anywhere.” He goes into the back of the cabin, mumbling something about Yuuji moving things and touching things he was not supposed to mess with.

Yuuji sits down beside Megumi, the concerned look still there. “Do they hurt?”

“Of course they hurt.” Nobara rolls her eyes, hands on her hips as she stares down at them from where she is standing. “It looks like he lost a fight against a curse.”

Takatoshi and Jinichi are not exactly curses, but they may be similar.

Yuuji frowns now and looks back to Megumi. “I’m sorry, Megumi. It must hurt a lot. But my grandpa will help you and it’ll be fine soon.”

“It is alright,” Megumi says, unsure of why he feels the need to make sure that Yuuji and Nobara are not worried for him. Are they worried?

They are so different from everyone at the Zenin clan that sometimes it seems everything they do is entirely different. The only people he can remember who have acted similarly were his mother and his father. But Yuuji and Nobara are not his parents or his family, so why are they so concerned?

But he finds he does not like the worried looks they have or how they have to do things to help him. He is fine. 

Megumi does not want to cause them problems. 

Next time, he will try to keep his arms covered. That will stop them from being worried.

Another month of training passes and each day Megumi tries to leave through the shadows, but the training goes longer and longer. The training sessions last so long that by the time he is brought back to his tiny room, all he can manage to do is lay down and sleep.

The medicinal salve Wasuke gave him helped only the first day, but it quickly was gone. The bruises still remain, purple and a dark yellow in places.

It is another week before he is brought back to his room and is not too tired to walk through the shadows and into the forest.

Megumi limps all the way through the forest, even though his leg hurts. Before his training with Jinichi, Takatoshi had hit his knee harder than usual with his cane and during training his knee had suddenly hurt so bad he kept falling down. It felt weak, like he could barely stand. 

Takatoshi had gotten so mad at Megumi, he had left the room. Even though Megumi could barely stand, let alone spar like he wanted Megumi to.

Even now, a few hours later, his knee still hurts. So he tries to walk in a way that he barely moves it. It still hurts, but he promised Yuuji he would come back today. 

Please come back tomorrow. I’m always worried when you leave that I won’t see you again for months. 

That is what Yuuji had said.

So, he trudges through the forest. Everything is damp from the rain last night, making fallen leaves stick to his clothes and arms. The water is cold and it is enough to make him shiver, but he does not have any winter clothes yet. 

It takes him much longer than usual for him to walk to the cabin, it is almost entirely dark out by the time he gets there. 

But he still reaches the door and taps on the wooden door. It sounds maybe too quiet, but he does not want to cause them problems. 

Inside, he can hear someone running across the floor to get to the door. Yuuji opens the door so quickly that Megumi almost thinks he is going to rip it. 

“Yuuji!” Wasuke shouts from inside the cabin somewhere. “Don’t break the door! I already had to replace it after Sukuna caught it on fire.”

“Megumi!” Yuuji says, smiling widely. “You’re here!”

“That was an accident!” Sukuna shouts back from somewhere in the cabin. “Not my fault that my technique is stronger than a door.”

Yuuji grabs Megumi’s hand and starts to pull him inside the cabin. But he moves too fast and a sharp pain goes through Megumi’s knee and he winces before he can stop himself, almost tripping over the doorway.

“Megumi!”

He catches himself and stands up normally, trying to keep his weight on his other leg. “I am alright.”

Yuuji still looks worried. “Are you sure? Did you trip?”

He shakes his head. “I am fine. It is just my knee.”

“Your knee?” Wasuke walks over to them, standing behind Yuuji. “What happened?”

“It is just an injury,” Megumi says, simply. It is not the first injury he has gotten from training and he doubts it will ever be his last. But he is alright with that, because it means his shikigami are not hurt and are safe.

Wasuke looks at Megumi for a moment and Megumi is unsure of what it means, but he seems to realize something. He sighs. “Did you walk all the way here with an injured knee?”

Megumi nods. “I am fine.”

Wasuke sighs. “Why did you do that? You’re going to make it worse.”

“I told Yuuji I would be here today?”

“Not if you’re hurt!” Yuuji says, holding Megumi’s hand tighter. “You need to sit down!”

Yuuji still does not let go of Megumi’s hand and Megumi walks stiffly over to the fireplace. He has to shuffle almost to sit down with his right leg sticking out because it is too painful to sit on.

Yuuji sits down beside him, looking even more worried than before. “Are you bleeding?”

Megumi shakes his head at the same time Nobara comes to stand beside him. 

Nobara stands above him, looking down at him with a frown. “Why are you always being injured? Are you that clumsy? Are you sure you’re not bleeding?”

“I am not—”

Nobara pushes up the hem of his pant leg.

“Oh.” The bruise is much, much worse than before. His knee and part way down his leg is a dark purple with even darker areas, turning yellow in parts. 

Nobara starts to reach out to poke his leg and Yuuji stops her. “Don’t poke him!”

“What? It looks weird.”

“What happened?” Wasuke asks and he looks even more worried than Yuuji or Nobara. Sukuna appears beside him, looking around him curiously. 

“Training,” Megumi says and pushes down his pant leg again because he does not want everyone staring at him. He did not want to worry them again, but it is hard to pretend he is not limping from an injured knee. “I am not bleeding. It just hurts.”

“Probably because you broke something in your knee,” Sukuna says with a shrug. 

Megumi furrows his brows. “I did not do that.”

“How did it happen?” Yuuji asks, curiously. “I’ve fallen a bunch and I’ve never gotten bruised like that.”

“Training,” Megumi says, again. 

Everyone keeps looking at him and normally no one looks at him at all unless it is during training. Everyone looks concerned and worried. He heard them laughing before he knocked and now everyone looks worried. He did not mean to make them worried about him or for them to not be happy. 

“I am fine,” Megumi says, looking away from everyone else. Sometimes it seems like too much when people look at him. “It is just bruising. It will go away.”

Wasuke still looks concerned and Megumi wishes he would not be. It is only bruises, he does not need to see the clan healers for it. Why do they keep looking at him so worried? He did not mean to cause problems for them. 

Nobara huffs and crosses her arms. “I don’t think bruises usually make it hard to walk. Where’s Uraume? They know a lot about this kind of thing.”

She looks at Sukuna, who shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m waiting on Uraume to get here too. I want to practice my technique.”

“Please,” Wasuke says, suddenly. “Do not use your technique inside.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Sukuna says, like he was offended that his grandfather even suggested it. “I just want Uraume to get here.”

“You need to stop asking Uraume to put ice on your burns.” Wasuke shakes his head. “Instead, learn some more control so you’re not burning yourself maybe.”

Sukuna huffs and sits back down, picking up a book. “There’s only so much I can learn from books about jujutsu. Theory books can’t teach me everything.” He glances at Megumi and then comments. “Bet it’s a part of your education, being part of a clan and all.”

“I do not think my teacher has told me about theories,” Megumi says, unsure of what else to explain his training as. “He looks at the guide book, about how to train the Ten Shadows inheritor.”

Sukuna snaps the book shut. “I’ve never heard of Ten Shadows before. What does your technique do anyway?”

“There are ten shikigami animals. Nobody knows what the tenth shikigami is,” Megumi says just as Shiro and Kuro appear from the shadows to sit beside him. “I can control shadows as well. Sort of.”

“Sort of?” Yuuji asks, still petting Kuro.

“Well,” Megumi says, almost nervous to say it. He has never told anyone this before. “It was not in the guidebook. My teacher does not seem to know that the Ten Shadows technique can do that.”

“So, it’s like Zenin's special technique like Six Eyes?” Sukuna asks. 

Megumi immediately shakes his head. “No. It is not nearly as powerful. Six Eyes is…a blessing to the Gojo clan, the inheritor is immediately made the clan heir and is practically a living god. Ten Shadows is nothing like that. It is a technique to serve the clan.”

Sukuna narrows his eyes at that. “Strange phrasing.”

Megumi shrugs. “That is what my teacher says. Ten Shadows is not that powerful. I control shadows and shikigami, that is all. Not like Six Eyes.”

Megumi has heard the stories of Six Eyes and Limitless combined in one person, the mythology that follows the inheritor of the two techniques. Everyone has. So he knows that Ten Shadows is nothing like it. 

When Uraume arrives, they make ice from their hands and place it on Megumi’s knee. It only makes him feel more uneasy—he is causing them all problems by letting them know he is injured. 

He does not want to cause problems. What if they tell him he cannot come back to the forest or to the cabin?

It is past his tenth birthday now. The day passed without anyone else knowing in the Zenin clan. 

He is ordered to stay in the training room until Takatoshi says he is allowed to leave or until he summons any of the shikigami. Megumi sits down in the center of the room, closing his eyes. It is more peaceful this way. He has become used to this by now.

The painful cramps of hunger are easy to ignore if he imagines the forest and the cabin in the woods. If he imagines Yuuji, Nobara, Sukuna, Uraume, and Wasuke inside, greeting him. He tries not to think about the smell of Wasuke’s cooking. 

He has never wanted to be somewhere more than the cabin. 

He is part of the Zenin clan but he does not feel like he is. He does not like his clan very much either, he knows that much about himself now. He does not think his clan likes him very much either.

It has been three years since he first met Yuuji in the town and the first time he saw the maple leaves. It does not seem that long. Yet, it has been such a long time since he was able to go back to the cabin or to see the people who lived there. 

It has been months and months since the last time he was able to sneak out of the estates.

Maybe they forgot Megumi. 

Many people do. Sometimes he will be walking inside the estates and a clan member will ask where he came from. They do not remember who he is. He has heard some clan members call him a shadow, that nobody knows who he is, or who his parents are. 

He thinks that is alright. He knows who his parents are. Even if nobody else knows.

It is three more months before he is able to sneak out of the Zenin estates and back into the forest.

Megumi steadily walks through the forest, carefully stepping over a patch of small yellow flowers, the same ones he very carefully picked at seven years old. It seems distant, a hazy memory in the back of his mind. It had been his first time walking through the forest by himself, wandering like the lost child he was. 

Now, he has walked this path so many times that he can recognize the way the trees look by a glance, the way the vines twist around a branch, or how the dirt path looks between bushes and patches of tall, green grass along the forest floor. 

He can even smell the faint scent of smoke, the tell-tale sign of the chimney on the side of the cabin. Another familiar scent, the smell of real cooking. Even this distance away, he swears he could taste the spices and seasonings in the air, undoubtedly from Yuuji’s heavy-handed way of giving the food ‘extra’ flavor. 

The cabin barely looks changed since the first time he saw it, so long ago now. The small stone siding, the vines crawling between each stone as though they were hugging or attempting to stay close to them, trying to reach the warmth inside. 

It is six months until his eleventh birthday now. And like all of Takatoshi’s lectures, Megumi remains silent and hopes that it is a shorter one.

“Over and over and over you have proven yourself useless to this clan,” Takatoshi says, harshly as he paces from one side of the room to the other. “You waste our resources, our time, and the clan has received nothing in return. How is it possible that you inherited Ten Shadows when you cannot even summon all the shikigami?”

Megumi looks down at his hands. There is a new bruise forming on his arm, where he fell and did not catch himself in time. It hurts, but he knows better than to say anything about it. It is just a bruise after all. Those go away on their own.

“The clan elders believe it is time you prove you are somewhat useful,” Takatoshi says suddenly and Megumi actually looks up at that. It is a change from the usual pattern of Takatoshi’s lectures. He does not look happy about this, not like Megumi thought he would. 

“You were given a mission.” Takatoshi turns to look at Megumi, though his expression makes it seem like he disagrees with the clan elders’ decision or that he does not believe in Megumi. Maybe it is both. “Despite you being sorely unprepared. I doubt you could last much further than the village down the hill.”

Megumi says nothing. He does not tell Takatoshi of all the times he has left the estates, into the forest, and into the wilderness. If Takatoshi knows, he will try to take that away too.

“The clan elders have ordered you to go to the Kamo clan and retrieve a cursed weapon they stole from us. It is called Slaughter Demon, it is a very old weapon that is valuable to the clan.”

Takatoshi approaches Megumi and holds out a single, small knife that is barely larger than Megumi’s hand. “This is the weapon you are permitted for this mission. You will leave now. If you die, the clan will not collect your body as nobody will know where you are. If you are caught, you are to say you are not part of the Zenin clan. Do you understand?”

Megumi says nothing, but he nods. Even if he does not understand, Takatoshi does not actually care if he understands. He only wants the answer that Megumi is expected to say. He takes the knife. It is small, smaller than the one Wasuke uses to slice vegetables.

Megumi does not know where the Kamo clan is located, but he knows not to ask. 

“If you have not realized,” Takatoshi continues. “This is a test. If you fail, you die and prove you have been a waste of time for the clan. If you return but without what is needed, you have also failed. It would be preferable for you to die. Return with the cursed weapon.”

Megumi looks down at the knife. 

“Leave now.”

Takatoshi walks out of the training room, leaving the doors open behind him. He waits a moment, before he cannot hear Takatoshi’s footsteps anymore. Stepping out of the room, he looks up and down the hallway. There is nobody waiting for him. 

Megumi has never left the estates through the front doors before. The two large wooden doors simply open, revealing the outdoors and a sky that is beginning to darken. Takatoshi does not bother saying goodbye. Megumi does not mind. 

He closes the doors behind him and looks out over the forest. The air is cool, chilly, but not as bad as when it snows. 

Maybe if he succeeds in this mission, he will be allowed to see his father. Maybe he will be allowed to see his father whenever he wants.

So he hides the small knife and leaves the estates.

The further he walks the path, the smaller and smaller the estates become behind him. He walks until it disappears from his view entirely, along with Takatoshi, Jinichi, and the rest of the clan that seems determined to act like he does not exist. 

He walks along the main path, a road. It is different from walking through the wild undergrowth of the forest. Easier, even. But he still prefers the forest. It is dark when Shiro and Kuro emerge from the darkening shadows around him, cast by the trees surrounding the road. 

They walk on either side of him, blocking the cold wind. 

He has no idea where the Kamo clan is located or how to get anywhere. He only knows the path to the cabin. But he has to find out where the clan is. 

He pets Shiro’s head, as he keeps walking since that is the only choice he has.

It is very dark by the time Megumi goes into the forest, he leans against a tree by the side of the road. Shiro and Kuro curl up around him and he decides to sleep. He will figure out how to complete a mission in the morning.

He sleeps surrounded by the trees and the blue night sky—away from the empty darkness of the estates.

The road eventually leads to a village, a different one than the one he met Yuuji at three years ago. This one is much further away. Megumi walks through it, trying to find out if the Kamo clan is located here. People barely glance at him, looking past him or over him. Many of them are walking too fast to even notice him.

He does not mind. That is what he is used to in the Zenin clan.

Over the loud voices and shouting in the center of the town, he can barely hear anything at all. 

He walks past the stalls with food displayed. He was not given money to buy food and he is used to going a while without eating. Even if it smells good and he wants to stop, he has no way of paying for it.

In the center of the town, it is too loud and nobody can hear him when he asks about the Kamo clan. Towards the outer part of the town, it becomes much quieter and there are fewer people.

Crouched by a house, there is an elderly woman who is sorting through vegetables still covered in dirt and grime. She is one of the only people he has seen who is not rushing from place to place. After a moment, Megumi slowly approaches her. 

“Excuse me,” Megumi says, making sure to be polite. She looks up, squinting at him as if it is hard for her to see. “Do you know where the Kamo clan is?”

“The Kamo clan?” The woman says, going back to tossing out rotten radishes. “There’s no Kamo clan here, boy. What’s the family do? Maybe I’ll know them that way.”

“They are jujutsu sorcerers,” Megumi says, his voice quiet. 

Her hands stop moving and she sharply looks up at Megumi. “You should stay away from those sorts. Sorcerers are no good, you best avoid them.”

Sorcerers are no good? 

He must look confused because she says, “There’s no sorcerers here, boy. Not in towns like this, they don’t care about us. I bet that clan is in Heian-kyo.” She shakes her head and tosses another rotten vegetable into the pile of rotting fruits and vegetables. “But you’d do better to stay away from them. If you don’t have their powers, they don’t care about you.”

Heian-kyo?

He remembers that name. He had heard it a long time ago.

He can remember his mother saying it to his father, when she was sick and after Megumi first was able to control the shadows. Years ago now. But he still remembers.

“Thank you,” Megumi says, unsure of what else there is to say about sorcerers. He pauses before asking, “Which way is Heian-kyo?”

The woman shakes her head, clicking her tongue. “Ignoring an elder’s advice.” She huffs a little then points out of the town and at the road Megumi had already been walking on. “Still a ways to go, foolish boy.”

Megumi tries to be as polite as possible, “Thank you.”

So, he keeps walking along the main road. Passing by some travelers, all walking together in big groups or singularly shuffling down the road. Nobody seems to mind him. Either way, he does not pay much attention to anyone else and they do not pay him any mind. 

Maybe if he was younger people would notice or be worried that he was by himself, but Megumi is hardly a child anymore.

Eventually, the road becomes smaller and smaller and there are less and less people. It becomes a dirt road and then a dirt road with more grass.

He keeps following it, walking and walking. 

Once he thinks there will be no more people, Shiro and Kuro walk beside him again. It always feels better when they can be with him and do not have to stay hidden. 

They run up ahead of him, then back, sometimes stopping to walk through the grass and sniff at something. He thinks they like being able to roam outside rather than being stuck inside. Megumi thinks he agrees with them. 

There are trees here that Megumi has not seen before, even within the forest. These trees have leaves that are glossy, almost like the top part is covered in wax. Small clusters of black berries lay on the ground around them. 

Maybe he will ask Wasuke or Yuuji what kind of tree it is. He keeps one of the leaves to show them later.

After walking for almost the entire day and the sun beginning to get lower, Megumi hears the sounds of flowing water. He stops, looking past the small wooded area beside him. Past the trees, bushes, and tall green plants he sees something moving, shifting. 

A river. 

Megumi has never seen a river before. He steps off the path and Shiro and Kuro follow after him, curious. Megumi ducks under the plants and low tree branches, pushing aside large leaves with one hand. And there is a river, the water flowing freely. 

Megumi walks to the edge of it, the water almost reaching his shoes. The sunlight reflects off the surface, it glows and sparkles in the light. The water is clear, bright and he can see the rocks on the bottom perfectly. He did not know rivers sounded like this. He did not know they even made so much noise at all.

But of course they did, why would they not? The forest is never silent, why would a river be?

Megumi takes off his shoes, setting them on a rock. Carefully, he steps into the water. It reaches up to his ankles, passing around him. The water is cool, but not freezing.

Megumi looks up and down the river. Why did nobody tell him how beautiful rivers are?

Megumi summons the rest of his shikigami—they are always stuck inside, just like him. They should see this as well. He watches Nue fly above the river, stretching his wings widely. 

Megumi crouches down and puts his wrist into the water, letting the coolness help his bruise. It is not quite like using snow, but it helps.

Shiro and Kuro jump through the water, chasing after each other. He thinks that if they were people, they would be laughing. 

The town ahead of Megumi is the biggest one he has ever seen. It was as large as a forest and he could not see the end of it. Even at night, it was as bright as daylight from all the lights and lanterns. The whole town looks like it is glowing in the distance. 

He stands at the edge of the forest, staying in the last bits of the shadows before the glow reaches him. The road is not small anymore, it grew wider and wider as he got closer to this place until it was no longer dirt and grass. This place seems like something from a dream. 

But he sees people on the road passing through the tall gates. Even the gates have to be taller than the highest parts of the Zenin estates. The estates hardly seem impressive now. 

Maybe this town is where the Kamo clan lives? 

He looks down to Shiro and Kuro, patting their heads. “I think it may be better for you to stay in the shadows here.”

Shiro whines a little when he says that, leaning closer to Megumi. Rubbing at Shiro’s ear, Megumi quietly says. “I will be fine. You can watch from the shadows.”

It will be safer in the shadows for the dogs. Sometimes other people seem nervous around them, maybe because the dogs are so large now? During the trip, Shiro and Kuro have only gotten bigger and bigger. They are now both taller than Megumi. A few people saw them while he was walking and thought they were wolves.

It is another thing about the shikigami that Takatoshi has never told him. How much does Takatoshi know about Ten Shadows if he does not know this?

But still, Shiro and Kuro will be safer in the shadows where nobody can see them. Less people will notice Megumi that way as well.

Someone in this town must know where the Kamo clan is. 

He looks back at the town and takes a deep breath then walks towards it. Joining the group of people walking on the road towards the gate, Megumi tilts his head back to look at the tops of the buildings. 

The buildings only grow more massive as he gets closer, towering over him in a way that makes him feel tiny. It must be how birds and bugs feel in the forest, like they could be crushed at any time. 

Did humans build this? How are they even capable of doing such a thing?

His hands tighten into fists, holding onto the bottom hem of his shirt. How is he supposed to find the Kamo clan in a town this large? Is this even a town? It seems too big.

But he needs to find the Kamo clan or else he cannot go back to the Zenin estates and he does not want to leave his father there. 

He steps through the gates and immediately feels the same intensity as the time Takatoshi sent the curses after Megumi. He stops walking. 

Are there curses here?

None of the people around him seem to notice, all walking urgently like they are half-running to get somewhere on time. Megumi looks around but all he can see are people everywhere, buildings taller than trees. How is it so bright at night? 

Someone bumps into him, almost knocking him over. 

The man barely glances at Megumi. The man mutters, “Watch yourself,” before he continues walking into the crowds. 

If there are curses, he has Shiro and Kuro that can help him. But he does not see any curses, still cursed energy is everywhere. 

He goes into the town and it feels like he is being swallowed up by it and the cursed energy. Hundreds and hundreds of people surround him, crowding around him or not seeing him because there are just too many people. There may be more than hundreds of people here. Thousands possibly. 

Megumi pushes through the large group of people, but he is still quite shorter than everyone around him. What is this place? Why is it so big?

The first town he stopped in seems tiny in comparison now, even the market seems uncrowded.

He stops a person on the street to ask what this town is called. 

“The city of Heian-kyō,” A man at a food stall says, while he keeps cooking something over an open fire. He spins it slowly as the flames jump around. The smell of roasting meat is strong and it is almost enough to make him forget why he stopped to ask a question in the first place. “Doesn’t everyone know that?”

Megumi did not. 

But this is Heian-kyo?

He has never seen a city before. It is so much larger than a town, so much larger he cannot see the end of it. How does anyone know where to go?

Heian-kyō.

Megumi looks up and down a street that never seems to end, hundreds and hundreds of people. How is he supposed to find someone when this city seems like a river full of people?

Someone bumps into him, knocking him out of his thoughts.

He walks aimlessly down the streets which never seem to end. Every new street and alleyway seems to have something new—stores selling food, shops filled with fabrics that shimmered in the light, a shop without a front wall where a man was making something out of metal—a sword. Never in his life has he seen so many people, even in the town by the Zenin estates. It seems small now.

How could one city be so large? It was bigger than a forest. Maybe he could not see the end of it. It never seemed to end. 

He stops another man, carrying large bundles of logs on his back. “Where can I find the Kamo clan?”

The man looks down at Megumi, a strange look in his eyes. “They don’t take orphans. Unless you’re a sorcerer, better luck somewhere else.” The man walks away, into the crowd.

Megumi frowns and someone crashes into his shoulder, almost knocking him over. The person does not apologize, not that he thought they would. Is that common in a city?

Wandering down another street, he finds it is filled with rows of small stalls of people selling small items laid out on tables. Some of them are selling small boxes with designs on the top, some with flowers and one even has a dragon. Another table sells pieces of paper with simple ink drawings and blank rolls of paper.

Megumi tries to ask another man selling combs and hairpins about the Kamo clan. “Do you know where I can find the Kamo clan—”

The man scowls at Megumi, just like Takatoshi does. He makes an aggressive arm movement towards Megumi, waving widely. “Get away! No beggars here!”

Megumi is not a beggar, but he quickly walks away when the people around the market start looking at him with disapproving glares. 

He stops at another table selling small dishes and bowls to ask. “Where can I find the Kamo clan?”

The elderly woman gestures somewhere further into the city, continuing her work. “That way.”

Megumi keeps walking, and most of the buildings are taller than the entire Zenin estates. His stomach hurts and he should eat something, but he has no money. He forces himself not to look at the food stalls or think about the food that is nearby. 

The Kamo clan is somewhere here, he just needs to find their estates. 

“Where can I find the Kamo clan?”

The man walks away without saying a word, looking at Megumi in the same way Takatoshi does. He used to be unsure what that look meant. He thinks it is disgust.

Megumi looks down at himself. Maybe he looks unpresentable? He likely does. It has been days since he left the Zenin clan estates and the whole time he has been walking. 

He walks and walks around the town, but nobody tells him where the Kamo clan is. He sees plaques hanging on some buildings, but he cannot read them. Maybe those would tell him.

He stops by an elderly man, sitting on the ground and leaning against a building. “Where can I find the Kamo clan?”

The man looks at Megumi, shaking his head. “You found it.” He points to a large, huge building behind Megumi. “That’s the Kamo estates. Are you dumb?.”

Megumi turns. The building is much, much taller than the Zenin estates, towering even. It is almost as tall as the trees of the forest. Now he feels foolish for not knowing it was right here. Megumi watches as a group of well-dressed clan members approach the building, all talking to themselves. 

“The Gojo clan remains arrogant,” one of them says, his voice carrying down the street. 

“Of course they do,” one man says, who wears all dark blue clothing. “Their heir is the Six Eyes, how could they not be?”

“Humility is a fine trait, yet the whole clan lacks it.”

The first man, a man in dark colored robes, stops in front of Megumi and the elderly man. He tosses two coins at them, one to Megumi and one to the old man. “The beggars in this city keep increasing. One would think something would be done about them all.” 

Megumi does not correct the man, clutching the coin. 

They go inside the Kamo estates, the doors loudly closing. Megumi carefully tucks the coin away, he can buy some food on the journey back.

“Those damn jujutsu sorcerers,” The elderly man mutters to himself as he reaches down to pick up the coin, wincing in pain as he does. “Always looking down on others.”

It seems to be something many people that are not sorcerers say. He thinks of Takatoshi, Jinichi, of the other clan members and he thinks he understands. 

Megumi looks back to the building. How is he supposed to get inside…

He quickly hurries into the alleyway beside the estates, glancing side to side. There is nobody there, and it might be too dark for people to see him. Even with all of the lights in this city, they do not reach here.  Spending so much time in the darkness of the room Takatoshi locks him in has made him good at navigating in the dark. Or maybe it is because of Ten Shadows. 

Megumi puts his hand against the side of the building, the shadow already in the alley turns darker when he touches it. The shadow grows, even darker than the shadows surrounding it. Too dark to be a normal shadow. And Megumi quickly goes through it. 

He is inside a room. Luckily, it is entirely empty and seemingly nobody lives here. Megumi glances around. It is a large, grand room. Is this someone’s bedroom? 

He does not stay there long, slips out of the room. He is good at moving quietly now. Nobody ever seems to notice him in the Zenin clan, even if he walks past them they rarely look. Luckily, this building seems similar to the Zenin estates.

Megumi hurries down the hallway, pausing to listen to footsteps. But it is empty and mostly silent. Even more empty than the Zenin estates are. 

He checks in each and every room. Until there is a room filled with objects and he can feel the cursed energy. Megumi steps inside, glancing around a few times. 

There is nobody inside. Megumi looks at the different items, some have more cursed energy than others. There are weapons with cursed energy so strong he cannot even look at them. 

Why does the Zenin clan need this cursed weapon?

Takatoshi had only briefly shown him the drawing of the weapon they wanted him to take. He quickly looks around the room, searching for a knife called Slaughter Demon. He remembers the fur around the handle, it seems notable.

Then he sees it, sitting on top of a display table is the knife inside a sheath. Megumi glances around the room once more before grabbing it. There is a strong cursed energy, not like some of the other weapons. 

And Megumi hurries from the room, moving faster than before.

He runs back to the room he came from, sliding the door closed just as he hears voices coming from down the hall. Megumi crouches to the side, not breathing. The door is not fully closed and some light enters the room now. 

His heart races in his chest. What would happen if they see him? He would likely be punished, worse than anything that the Zenin clan had done since the Kamo clan is not his clan.

“It is unwise,” a voice of a man says, “What if the other clans learn of this?”

“What should I do then?” It is the voice of the man that threw the coin at Megumi. “Undeclare him as the heir to the clan?”

“You know the Zenin clan would jump at the chance to use this against us. You must think of the whole clan—”

“Even if he is not my son by blood,” The man in purple says firmly. “I raised him and I call him my son. Is he not my son?”

The other person hesitates for a moment. “But how can he inherit the clan if he is not your blood?”

“I know he is family, my blood. Is that not enough?” The man asks and Megumi can see him shake his head slightly through the crack between the door and doorway. “We are family regardless of whether he was born of my blood. I will not hear otherwise. We will simply ensure the other clans never learn of it. Speak of it to nobody.”

They continue walking. 

Family can be people you are not related to?

He has never heard of such a thing. Is that possible? The Kamo clan leader seems to think it is.

It takes him a moment to realize the hallway is quiet now. Are they gone? 

Megumi waits until it is perfectly silent before he goes through the shadow and back outside. 

It has only gotten darker outside and Megumi rushes back onto the main road and all of the lights. The knife is hidden now, beneath his shirt. The elderly man glances once at Megumi, before quickly looking away.

He did not fail the mission.

He did not fail. 

Even if it seemed like Takatoshi expected him to. He did not. 

But now that he has the weapon, he has something else he needs to do. 

This is Heian-kyō.

Takatoshi would never know, the clan would never know. He could find his mother’s family and bring his father back with him.

He remembers that name. Of course he does, even if it was a long time ago. It is the place that his mother’s sister lives.

Maybe if he finds her, she will help him convince his father to leave the clan. Like his mother wanted when she was sick. Maybe they can leave the Zenin clan together.

Megumi pushes through the crowd until he finds a smaller area of the city that is not so crowded and rushed. He does not know his mother’s sister’s name, but he knows his mother’s. 

Silently at night, after his training and when he hurts, he remembers her name no matter what Takatoshi tells him. It does not matter if the Zenin clan had someone else pretend to be his mother, he remembers her name and her face.

Morikawa Miyayo.

He approaches the nearest man and woman who are walking together. “Excuse me.”

They turn to look at him, nervously. They also probably think he is a beggar or an orphan child. “I don’t have any coins—”

“I am trying to find the family of Morikawa Miyayo,” Megumi says, hoping that these people will know the given or family name. 

“I don’t know that family,” the man says, turning away. “But I doubt they would help a beggar.”

The couple walks away and Megumi tries not to feel hurt by the words. Takatoshi has said much worse. 

He goes to the next person he sees. “Do you know the family of Morikawa Miyayo?”

“I don’t know—”

“She is my mother,” Megumi says, before the man can just say no. “Her family lives here. Please.”

“I don’t know any family with that name.”

The more and more people say no, the more and more desperate he feels. 

Megumi asks everyone he sees, every single person, even the people who immediately walk away from him. Someone in this city must know. His mother said her sister lived here. Maybe if it was not so big he could find his mother’s family easier, but the city never seems to end.

“Do you know the family of Morikawa Miyayo?”

Another person says no. 

He asks every single person who will listen. 

“Do you know the Morikawa family?”

Every single person who listens says no. 

When he sees Kamo clan members he saw earlier walking around, looking around at the crowds, he realizes he cannot stay in the city for much longer. They may be looking for whoever stole the cursed weapon. Would they kill him for stealing from them?

It is what the Zenin clan would do. So Megumi knows it is time for him to leave.

So he hides in an alleyway and uses the shadows to help him pass through the gates instead of the main entrance to the city. He stays away from the lights and in the shadows as he goes back into the forest. 

Megumi sits back down in the forest, it is much later now, but he prefers it here than in the city. He leans against a tree, Shiro and Kuro with him. The lights are not quite as bright and it is not as loud. 

He bought as much as possible with the single coin the Kamo Clan leader threw at him; the stall with the cheapest food had been rice with cooked vegetables. The rice and vegetables were wrapped up in a leaf. One of them has steamed fish. 

He looks down at the food in his lap. It was more than he had eaten at once at the Zenin estates in a long while. Usually he was given less food throughout the day. This was like a feast. It was not very warm now, but he did not care. 

He eats it so fast he almost chokes. And it is better than the never ending foods the other Zenin clan members seemed to eat every single meal, maybe it was not. But to him, it is.

For the first time not at the cabin, he falls asleep without the constant pang of hunger.

He saves some of the food for the walk back to the Zenin clan estates, eating it slowly. Despite his feet hurting, he somehow does not care. This time he has food.

When he sees the familiar Zenin estates on the top of the hill, there is nobody outside, only the towering, imposing building. There is nobody outside to greet him or congratulate him on completing his first mission. He did not expect there to be.

Somehow it looks grayer here. 

He trudges up the steps, each one hurts. Even after eating, the long walk back to the Zenin estates was tiring and felt longer than the walk leaving. Maybe it is because he does not want to go back. But the possibility of being able to see his father again is enough for him to go back inside the building. 

He could not even find his aunt who could help him and his father.

Nobody glances at him in the halls, like they usually do. Perhaps they did not even know he was on a mission. Probably not. Why would Takatoshi tell them when he expected Megumi to fail?

Megumi goes to the study, the office room he has seen Takatoshi spending most of his time in. He stands outside of the doors, holding the knife stolen from the Kamo clan in his hands. 

There is no response for a long moment, only silence. It is long enough that he wonders if Takatoshi is not in the office. Then he hears the sounds of footsteps approaching the doors, before they slid open. Megumi has rarely seen Takatoshi make any expressions other than his usual scowl or look of disappointment, at least not directed at Megumi. 

Now there is only surprise. 

“You lived?” Then Takatoshi’s eyes land on the knife in his hands. The look of surprise only grows more. “You actually got the knife?”

Megumi looks up at him and gives no explanation, which he knows will make Takatoshi angry. But he is not telling Takatoshi anything about what Ten Shadows allows him to do, if Takatoshi is not aware he can walk through shadows. Something tells him that is better. Safer for the animals hiding in those shadows.

He is correct, as the surprise quickly fades and Takatoshi grabs Megumi’s arm, twisting painfully. “How? The clan elders sent much more competent clan members to retrieve it, yet they failed. How did you get it?”

Megumi tries not to show that Takatoshi’s grip on his upper arm hurts. He says nothing. Takatoshi’s anger only grows and then he is dragging Megumi down the hallway. He knows better than to try to fight, so he walks silently behind Takatoshi.

Takatoshi announces himself, a low voice tells him to enter the room. 

He steps inside, pulling Megumi along with him. Shoving Megumi into the center of the room, along with the knife. Megumi has never met the clan elders, he had seen them at events, but never spoken to any of them. He does not look any of them in the eye. 

Looking at them directly in the eyes is not allowed. Megumi is not important enough.

“The Ten Shadows bearer succeeded?” One of the elderly men asks, sounding doubtful. “Takatoshi, you seemed so convinced he would fail.”

“I had no reason to believe he would succeed,” Takatoshi says, without hesitation. Perhaps the words should sting, but he has heard it many times now. “Given his lack of response to training. Yet somehow, it appears otherwise.”

“Give me the cursed weapon,” one of the clan elders says, holding out his deeply wrinkled hand. “Perhaps now the Kamo clan will rethink stealing from the Zenin clan again.”

Takatoshi looks down at Megumi, his usual scowl only partly visible. “You are dismissed.”

Megumi does not wait to be told otherwise, so he quickly leaves the room. 

He does not have a chance to ask if he is allowed to see his father.

With nothing to do, Megumi simply walks back to the room he stays in. He sits down on the familiar blankets. It is not much warmer in the room than it is outside. The inside is more crowded, too small compared to the outside and the way the trees and plains never seemed to end.

Megumi carefully places the small rocks he took from the river. They are smooth, despite being stone they are softer than the blanket he sits on. One is almost a blue color, if he looks at it through the little bit of light that comes through the door. The other one is gray and it almost glimmers in the light. The third one is all black, except for a small ring of white stone. 

He hopes he can see the river again.

Maybe he will one day be able to go to Heian-kyō again and maybe one day he will find his mother’s family.

Despite the fact Megumi succeeded in his first mission, Takatoshi is still not happy. If anything, he seems more angry than usual. 

“Do you not realize your own actions? I have told the clan elders over and over that you were incapable and now you actually do something for once?” Takatoshi’s words are spat through gritted teeth, each word spitting at Megumi.

“Shouldn’t you be happy that your little apprentice completed his mission?” Jinichi asks, where he is leaning against the wall of the training room. As he usually does, it does not seem as if he wants to be here. “And that clan elders are pleased about it. His success reflected well on you, just like you hoped.”

Takatoshi’s head whips to the side to look at Jinichi with almost as much disgust as he did with Megumi. “Perhaps you should keep your mouth shut on inner clan workings, beast. You have missed the nuances from spending all your time swinging a sword and killing curses, your brain has only become more simple.”

Then, Takatoshi gestures to Megumi. “Apprentice? Hardly! The child can barely use Ten Shadows and refuses to do anything—lazy! Barely speaks, has no ambition! Has no worth as a Ten Shadows inheritor whatsoever! Anyone else could have been more useful than that one!”

With that, Takatoshi slams his cane against the ground and it snaps in half. Megumi flinches at the sound.

The room is silent for a moment. 

Megumi looks down at the knife Jinichi had handed him earlier. 

Takatoshi huffs and then reaches his hand out. A shadow appears beneath his hand on the ground, swirling for a second. He reaches into the shadow and takes out another cane.

Megumi watches, trying not to look surprised. He has never seen Takatoshi use his technique before. The way the shadows move…almost seems like Ten Shadows. Can Ten Shadows do the same? Could he put things into the shadows?

It must be possible. If Megumi can walk through shadows, he could put things into the shadows too.

“The child is clearly more capable than he lets on,” Takatoshi says, suddenly as he adjusts his grip on the new cane. “For some stupid childish reason, he refuses to use the technique at all. Somehow, that is the most insulting part.”

Megumi watches as the shadow disappears from the ground and it is gone. 

Takatoshi’s gaze snaps to Megumi. “Do you think you know more than I do? Just because you were born with the technique does not make you more knowledgeable, child. The sooner you let go of whatever foolish reason you do not use the technique, the sooner you will actually prove your worth. As of the moment, you are nothing but a burden to the clan.”

Takatoshi takes one step closer to Megumi and hisses out the words. “Your refusal to submit to the clan’s wishes will do you no favors, child. For whatever reason you act this way, forget it. It is foolish to think this childish act of rebellion will change your fate. Your fate was sealed the moment you were born with this technique.”

Then Takatoshi turns, walking from the room. “I must go tutor Ogi’s daughters now. Keep my words in your mind, child.”

The doors close behind him. 

His fate? 

Jinichi pushes off the wall, spinning a sword in his hand. “A bit intense, don’t you think?”

Megumi says nothing. 

“You know,” Jinichi says, like he is having a normal conversation. “I don’t know if he’s completely right.”

Megumi looks up from the small knife he is holding. Jinichi switches which hand he is holding his sword in. “Don’t know why exactly, but I think whatever reason you act like this—pretending or whatever it is, is more than a childish thing. You’re holding the knife wrong.”

Megumi looks down and fixes his grip on the handle like Jinichi has reminded him times before.

“You’ve got the same look in your eyes that Toji would get when he was younger,” Jinichi says, then snorts. “I think they’ve all forgotten who your father is.”

Takatoshi’s anger does not lessen over the next few days like Megumi hoped it would. Instead, every day he seems angrier and angrier. As if Megumi has personally insulted him somehow. 

Takatoshi walks by, hitting his cane against Megumi’s shins. Megumi almost falls over. “It is hard to believe that your father used to be a renowned member of this clan. Your lineage must have been tainted by that woman he married.”

“Or you are a bad teacher.”

Megumi says it before he can stop himself. The very moment he finishes saying the words, he knows he should not have. But there is no way for him to unsay the words or to make it so that Takatoshi never heard them.

He already knew it was coming, so he does not protest when Takatoshi grabs his arm and starts dragging him out of the room. He drags Megumi past other clan members, none of which look twice at the scene. Yet he cannot find it within himself to regret it, not when he silently thinks it is true. 

Takatoshi does not seem to know many things about the Ten Shadows technique. 

“You dare to call me a bad teacher? I have tried teaching you over and over, yet you remain stubbornly useless. Speaking back, as if you are more than a child.” Each word is filled with disgust now. 

Takatoshi throws open the front doors to the estate and throws Megumi outside. He trips over his own feet and over the steps, rolling into the soaked grass and the pouring rain coming down. Almost instantly, his clothing is soaked, freezing as it sticks to his skin. 

Takatoshi looks down at him, his mouth twisted into a sneer. “You will be allowed back inside once you realize you are being ungrateful and stop wasting my time on you. Go elsewhere, I cannot stand the sight of you.” 

The doors slam shut, the echo covered by the pouring rain.

Megumi pushes himself up, hands slipping on the drenched grass. Already, he can feel the coldness soaking into his hands and limbs. He takes a moment before climbing up and standing, before staring at the front door of the estates. 

Takatoshi seemed to believe it was a punishment for speaking back, but for Megumi it is a chance.

With the darkness of night and the cover of rain, he leaves the outside of the estates and runs for the forest. The rain is so heavy that he has to wipe it out of his face and eyes to see clearly. 

It is harder to walk through the forest with the amount of rain, but he keeps walking. Despite the cold, he keeps walking. 

Then, from the darkness of the shadows he hears movement and the sound of something moving smoothly over the forest floor. Megumi slows down as a pair of glowing yellow eyes appear in the shadows ahead. 

Slowly, from the bushes the head of a giant white and black snake emerges, rising above Megumi. He tilts his head far back to see it. 

He knows the symbol on the snake’s head. Orochi. One of the shadow shikigami, as Takatoshi had said.

Orochi had never come out of the shadows, always refusing to leave the shadows. One time Megumi had seen the glowing yellow eyes flicker open in the darkness but they quickly moved away from him. As if scared. Megumi is unsure why Orochi would be scared of him, but he still never forced Orochi to leave the shadows if it did not want to. 

Now, the snake stares down at Megumi. Even though the snake is so much larger than Megumi, even taller than some of the forest trees, somehow it feels scared. 

He is unsure why Orochi would be scared of him, but he does not want it to be scared. 

“It is nice to meet you,” Megumi says, even though he is not sure if Orochi can hear him over the pounding rain or even understand him. Yet Shiro and Kuro seem to understand him, so maybe Orochi can as well.

Orochi does not move, as tall as a tree.

“It is alright if you want to stay in the shadows.” Megumi also does not move, despite how cold he is from the rain. “I wish I could hide in the shadows as well. But I will not let Takatoshi hurt you.”

Maybe it is the rain, but it seems like something flickers in Orochi’s eyes. Then slowly, Orochi lowers until only the head is lifted and it stares into Megumi’s eyes. 

Quieter, Megumi tells Orochi, “You can stay in the shadows still. It is alright.”

He does not move to wipe away the rain in his eyes, in case it scares Orochi. “Takatoshi may see you and the others as weapons, but I do not.”

They may be shikigami but he will not treat them as weapons or tools like Takatoshi insists they are. 

“I will not try to tame you like Takatoshi says to,” Megumi says, even quieter. Maybe Orochi heard all of the things Takatoshi said about the shikigami and Megumi understands. He would also be scared. 

Then, Orochi moves forward across the forest floor. Megumi does not move and just watches the snake. Orochi wraps around Megumi, not squeezing though. Until it surrounds him and raises up, until it is blocking the rain. 

Megumi looks up, to look into Orochi’s eyes. “Oh. Thank you.”

Slowly, Megumi reaches out, laying his palm against Orochi’s scales gently. They are cold to the touch from all the rain. “You are cold.”

He had not thought about what would happen if one of the shikigami were out in the rain. Orochi must be cold now, he knows snakes get colder easily. 

“I am going somewhere warm,” Megumi says to Orochi. “To the cabin. Have you seen it from the shadows before?”

Orochi may not be able to speak, but Megumi feels that Orochi understands. 

Orochi begins to slither away before moving back and pressing up against Megumi’s legs. It takes him a second to figure it out before Orochi pushes against his arm until he sits down on Orochi’s back. Then, the snake is moving through the forest. 

Megumi rests a hand on Orochi’s back, quietly speaking, “Thank you for trusting me.”

The next morning, once the rain stops, Megumi walks back to the Zenin estates. He is not sure when Takatoshi will look for him again, but he does not want to risk Takatoshi or the clan looking for him or finding the cabin. They would find a way to take it away. 

In the daylight, he waits by the entrance of the estates. Even though he does not particularly care if Takatoshi never opened the doors again and if Megumi could freely go back to the cabin and the forest. He does not want to cause problems for Yuuji’s family or his friends. 

He pretends he does not notice the clan members coming and going out the front door, some of them look at him, some even laugh at each other, and some do not even glance at him once. He prefers when they do not even look at him. He is used to that already. 

It is hours and hours before the doors open again, this time Takatoshi steps outside. Megumi does not stand up at all and he says nothing. 

Behind him, several other clan members stand watching. The only one he has met is Jinichi. The rest Megumi has never formally met any of, but he has heard their names in passing. Naoya stands there as well, whom Megumi has only ever heard terrible things about. Even if he is still young, he is the heir to the clan and Megumi has tried to avoid him as much as possible. 

Takatoshi stares down at him. “What have you learned? Have you learned anything at all?”

Megumi says nothing at first, knowing silence was the best answer. 

He can hear Naoya laugh, mocking. He knows what mocking laughter sounds like now. “The inheritor of Ten Shadows can’t speak? How pathetic.”

Takatoshi’s expression changes to disgust yet again. “You have nothing to say?”

Megumi says nothing, despite the mocking laughter that follows. 

“Have you learned nothing?” Takatoshi asks, his voice sharp as a knife yet again. “Do you still believe what you said before?”

Megumi’s silence is apparently enough for Takatoshi as he marches down the stairs, grabs Megumi’s arm and drags him back inside. Megumi firmly keeps his mouth shut and does not even complain about how Takatoshi’s grip hurts. 

“How dare you!” Takatoshi shouts as he drags Megumi back into the gray hallways of the estates and Megumi silently thinks that he would prefer being locked outside where there is sunlight and color. “You dare to question the knowledge passed down for generations? You are but a child! An unintelligent one at that! Who are you to question our ancestors’ guidance?”

The mocking laughter follows him all the way down the hallway. 

“I do not know where you have found ideas such as to question your teacher.” Takatoshi rips open the door to Megumi’s tiny room, throwing Megumi inside. “I intend to find out—or perhaps it is simply in your nature given your beast of a father and peasant mother.”

Megumi bites the inside of his mouth to say nothing. 

“I will break this habit of yours,” Takatoshi says, his hand gripping the doorway as he suddenly stops speaking. It is unusual so Megumi looks up and sees that Takatoshi is no longer looking at Megumi at all and his gaze is fixed on the ground. 

Not just the ground. But the smallest edge of a red leaf sticking up from the pillow. 

Something uneasy settles in Megumi’s stomach and he feels sick all of the sudden. 

Takatoshi marches into the room and kicks aside Megumi’s bedding and everything he had hidden underneath his pillow. 

The leaves fly into the room, dried flowers, small rocks, and the two dried red leaves.

“What is this?” Takatoshi hisses, stepping on one of the maple leaves. Megumi has to stop himself from trying to get it back or shouting at him to stop. “Garbage? This is filth.”

And Takatoshi twists his foot, ripping the maple leaf into tiny pieces. 

“No!” Megumi shouts, starting to stand up. 

“Did you find this nonsense during your mission?” Takatoshi sneers and Megumi tries to grab the second maple leaf. But Takatoshi grabs it along with the other leaves and flowers. He crushes them in his fist. 

Megumi stops. 

“You were on a mission and you are certainly not a child.” Takatoshi opens his palm and the leaves and flowers fall away as dust onto the floor. “You wasted time on a mission to collect leaves? Perhaps the heir is correct in that you are pathetic. How can you be the inheritor of Ten Shadows?”

Takatoshi turns, speaking over his shoulder. “Clean that dust up or I will think of another punishment since you did not seem capable of understanding the first one. You are not allowed to leave this room until I say otherwise.”

The door slides shut and Megumi jumps at the sound. 

The footsteps disappear down the hallway and he can hear voices—Takatoshi talking to someone. But he does not care. 

Slowly, Megumi kneels down and reaches out to the scattered dust. All of it is gone now. 

The maple leaves are gone. 

He scrapes his hand against the floorboards, trying to get all of the dust. The small pieces stick to his hand and he tries to save all of the red pieces. He does not even flinch when his hand scrapes the floor and a piece of wood stabs him. 

He will not cry.

That is what Takatoshi wants and he does not want to listen to Takatoshi. 

He tries to save all of it. All he is left with is dust and broken flower petals. 

When his training is finished and night approaches, Megumi leaves his room. He walks through the shadows and runs through the yellowed grass to the forest. Shiro and Kuro spring out of the shadows, running alongside him. 

Even with the new injury on his arm, he does not care. As long as he is away from the estates.

The rain stopped not too long ago, but raindrops still sit on top of the plants. Underneath the trees, raindrops slowly fall and land on him. There are birds hopping along the ground, even if it is almost night time he can hear the birdsongs echoing. 

In the forest, he does not care if Takatoshi tells him he is a disgrace to the inheritor of Ten Shadows. It does not matter here. The birds do not care if he has Ten Shadows. The trees do not care. They do not mind if he is a failure, they do not mind if he is not strong.

A raindrop falls onto his shoulder and Megumi looks up. The sound of the drops falling is quiet, almost too quiet to hear unless he focuses, but they hit the forest floor with small sounds. 

Megumi walks the direction he knows leads to the cabin now, even if there is no path.