Chapter Text
The snow had barely thawed, the frigid air biting at Senjuro's tanned skin. He was just coming home from a morning shift at the Kocho clinic, the lingering festivities from the New Year thankfully causing less patients for the day, allowing him to go home early. He sighed and gripped the sleeves of his coat tighter around himself, an attempt to keep warm despite the unforgiving January air.
If only there was a way to somehow keep his chest warm, away from the chill that continued to run.
Senjuro finally reached his home, the large Rengoku estate usually such a comfort now hung with a dread and guilt that only he dared recall. After dusting off the snow as best he could from his clothes, he entered his home, shrugging off his shoes and hanging his jacket by the coat hanger behind the door. "I'm home." He softly called out, the silence of the house making his voice seemingly echo off the walls. When he received no answer, he carefully made his way up the stairs, first to his father's room. He carefully creaked the door open and peeked inside, seeing the slumbering figure of his father bundled up in his bed. Senjuro allowed himself a small sigh of relief, upon seeing that there were thankfully no bottles of alcohol strewn about; he and Kyojuro had grown worried, concerned that their father may have resorted to his more destructive habits, ever since...then.
Senjuro closed the door again silently, before soon making his way to his own room. Kyojuro was out, having earlier told Senjuro he was to head to town and buy some new groceries, with their previous stock having been used up during their New Year's dinner. A dinner that had felt odd and distant, an unfamiliar feeling that Senjuro hadn't felt ever since his mother died. The food was good, and meager attempts at normalcy were done--if it weren't for the blank pair of chairs alongside theirs at the table, one would have even believed that it was a normal celebration.
Senjuro sighed as he sat down on his bed, his fingers gliding across the soft bedsheets that he had so often used as a comfort in the middle of the night, more often than not lying awake as he tried his best to return to slumber. It had felt so long ago by now, since Tanjiro had sat here with him, comforting him. Where that dreaded, heartbreaking night had ended, not even given the morning. Where Senjuro...
Again, that memory of a ghosted kiss passed over Senjuro and he raised a hand to touch his own lips, his face a guilted pink. Instead of a sweet memory that he could look back fondly, his first kiss was a betrayal, commited by him and him alone. The butterflies in his stomach felt weak, to the point that he felt queasy as he recalled the final exchange he and Tanjiro had--and that hurt, upset look Tanjiro gave him.
...I messed up. Senjuro thought, sighing as he flopped onto his bed, lying down on his side and cushioning his head with his arm. With his free hand, he pulled out his phone from his back pocket, flitting to his messaging app and reading, rereading the last messages he and Tanjiro had sent. Stagnant greetings of New Years, awkward and unfeeling--especially with Senjuro's flimsy apology for the kiss above it. He pulled his lips into a thin line, regret and nostalgia clear on his face as he started to scroll his phone to earlier messages. Where him and Tanjiro texted each other near daily, exchanging memories and news about their respective lives--
Ring, ring. Ring, ring.
Senjuro blinked, an unknown number interrupting his trip down memory lane and flashing across his screen. He frowned, letting the number ring before it finally hung up. He sighed, at least his bittersweet emotions put on pause from the call. It must have been a wrong number--
Ring, ring. Ring, ring.
He nearly jumped at this one, the same number clear and bright on his screen. His frown deepened, now swiping his thumb to 'reject' the call completely, this time exasperation on the forefront. Maybe a scammer then, trying to call random numbers to ask for possible donations, with the holiday seasons having just drawn to a close. Right as he expected a third round of ringing, instead a text flashed at the top of his screen, and the message made his eyes widen and his face pale--the text attached to that same unknown number.
senjuro? hi Its zenitsu! can I call you?
but if youre busy i understand! hoping you could call me back
or not i mean if you want to just text its fine too aheheh
Zenitsu's messages came one after the other, the frantic and quick texts coming way too fast before Senjuro could even process the words. He let out an involuntary whimper, quickly sitting up in bed as he struggled to decide what he should do. W-what does Zenitsu want with him?
Is he mad? Did he know? W-why then did he suddenly call now?! Just as he was in the middle of panicking however, a fourth, then fifth text arrived.
i just wanted to check in on how you were holding up
omg wait is that weird im sorry
That at least cause Senjuro to let out a wry, nervous chuckle. The memory of Tanjiro describing his type quickly flashed in his mind: kind. And from Senjuro's own interactions with Zenitsu, no matter how unpleasant and awkward, he couldn't really recall any meanspirited words. The older blonde was, unfortunately, exactly Tanjiro's type. Kind and sincere, sweet when it wasn't even warranted.
With a shaky breath, Senjuro finally tapped into his phone, his fingers slowly flitting across the keypad.
sure, sorry for the late reply. im free to call now.
Senjuro waited for a few moments before again, the ringing of his phone started up. After a brief moment to reassure himself, Senjuro finally picked up, bringing the phone to his ear.
"Hello?"
"Senjuro, h-hi! It's me, Zenitsu." Came the raspy, equally as nervous voice on the other line. "Um, but right. I already texted you that."
"Mm-hmm." Senjuro replied softly, his free hand lightly twisting the fabric of his shirt. He--didn't really know what he could say. Hey, how are you? How's the hand that I messed up?
Thankfully though, it seemed as if Zenitsu was a natural chatterbox, taking the lead as he continued to speak. "I hope you guys have been well...how, um, how are you guys there?"
"W-we've been doing well, thank you." He asked, then after a moment, finally gathered the courage to ask, "How about you guys? How are...Tanjiro and Nezuko?"
Zenitsu let out a soft sigh, his tone sombering. "They're...I'm not going to lie, but they haven't been the best. Um, I'm telling you this because they're like siblings to you guys," Senjuro couldn't help the small wince at the mention of being likened just to a brother. "And I know you care about them. I...wanted to check in, to see how you guys are doing, a-and if, well...if you guys are holding up."
Senjuro pursed his lips before h fidgeted in his seat. "...To be honest actually, we haven't been doing that well." He finally admitted. Even Kyojuro, ever optimistic and ever passionate Kyojuro, had lost a small glimmer of his passion, his smile no longer quite reaching his eyes like before.
"I figured...Nezuko has been kind of snappier actually, it would have been funny if she wasn't so sad." Zenitsu chuckled, Senjuro smiling ruefully at the image. Of course, Nezuko had always been the real spitfire out of all of them, having particularly taken on a sweet attitude with a hidden ferocity that very rarely came out. However, it was Zenitsu's next words that caused Senjuro's heart to ache. "And Tanjiro...he's been more distracted. Smiling less, it's--it's heartbreaking."
Senjuro swallowed thickly, the guilt in his chest only rising. He caused that, he caused his sadness--their sadness, were it not for his own impulses. His throat was dry, attempting to confess his mistake, to apologize for what he's done. "Z-Zenitsu, I--"
"Tanjiro t-told me. Um, about...that."
Senjuro snapped his mouth shut, his wide eyes widening in panic and mortification, fear of Zenitsu's anger, fear of his own shame. However, just as the remorseful pricks of tears threatened to spill, Zenitsu quickly spoke again, his tone placating. "I-I'm not mad! I mean, I-I was upset when Tanjiro had first told me, but..." He let out a soft sigh, pausing as if to breathe. "But now I'm just worried."
"W-worried?"
"As I...As I told you, back when we visited, Tanjiro saw you guys as his family. They both did, and...and it's the worst, when families fight." Zenitsu's voice had softened, as if recalling his own memories, his own experiences with the topic. Senjuro felt his voice wobble, from the back of his throat about to spill over to an apologetic tangent.
"Zenitsu, I--I shouldn't have kissed him. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I-I just wanted--"
"W-woah, calm down Senjuro!" Zenitsu quickly interrupted, and Senjuro could only let out another weak whimper and comply. "As I said, I'm not mad. If anything, I...I was wondering if you can help me, um, FIX it."
Senjuro blinked, momentarily forgetting about the plight at hand."H-huh?" Was there anything left to fix? With what he's done?
"Y-yeah!" Apparently so, judging from the way Zenitsu's voice lit up, seemingly invigorated at the potential. His optimism, his brightness even in such a delicate matter, almost threw Senjuro for a whole new loop, again realizing that the blonde's optimism, no matter how far-fetched, was a perfect complement to Tanjiro's own cheeriness. "You see, we're having a post New Year's party with our friends, and, well...I wanted to invite you guys. To come over, that is." Then, softer, "P-please?"
"Oh, Zenitsu..." Senjuro pursed his lips, his brows furrowing as he considered Zenitsu's offer. "I-I'm not sure. Our dad is still so upset, a-and it's so sudden--"
"It's in t-three days! I can help you guys reserve a room nearby-- i-if all goes well, you guys can even stay here! A-at least for a night or something, m-maybe."
Senjuro remained silent, one hand fidgeting in his lap, as he weighed in on Zenitsu's offer. A knot of remaining doubt tightened in his chest as he recalled all of his mistakes, one after the other, and how it had led all the way up to this point. His heart, steady yet burdened, wondered if his hands could ever truly mend what had been broken, if he should even try.
But he again looked at his phone, where that optimistic, maybe foolish? Hope was stretched out to him like a guiding hand, and he couldn't help but hope.
"Hmph, this the place? Looks too expensive."
"Father!"
Shinjuro grumbled, ignoring the reprimanding tone of his eldest. He acted as gruff and mean as he was when Tanjiro and Nezuko had left all those weeks ago, but Senjuro knew that just like him, his father was nervous. In Shinjuro's hands were two full paper bags, filled to the brim with gifts for the Kamado siblings. "Christmas gifts." Shinjuro had muttered, the hidden 'apology' interlaced in his voice.
The apartment complex had a warmth that lingered in the air, a perfect fit for its inhabitants complete with a quiet charm woven into its modest design. It was the early evening, Senjuro and his family having just arrived, with directions provided to them by Zenitsu. They were let inside, and were now standing in front of a door on the second floor, fidgeting amongst themselves if whether or not they should go through with this. The sound of laughter filtered from the inside, not too loud but enough to show that there were people inside.
Kyojuro turned to Senjuro, a large but wry smile on his face. "This is the one, right?" He inquired. Senjuro nodded, in his hands his cellphone where he's been texting Zenitsu nonstop. Out of fear, out of assurance, out of fear--again. Regrettably enough, over the past days where he's been texting Zenitsu, from the messages alone he could see why Tanjiro fell for the blonde. Sincere and silly in equal parts but all around kind, from his texting alone the erratic blonde wore his heart on his sleeve.
zenitsu? were here outside. can you let us in?
omg coming!
"Zenitsu says he'll open the door for us." Senjuro smiled, repocketing his phone and trying to cool his beating heart, anxiety making his chest drum. Shinjuro snorted audibly at that, overly skeptical of the supposed 'bad influence' on his foster children; all of this did start when Tanjiro had brought him home. As Kyojuro lightly elbowed his father, Senjuro winced at the disapproval, not having the heart in it to admit his fault just yet. To either of them, which only added to his already overwhelming guilt.
The door in front of them started to swing open, and all three Rengokus stiffened, preparing to see the bashful, (hopefully) equally as nervous smile on Zenitsu's face.
However, who they didn't expect to see was, "Nezuko?"
The dark haired girl gasped, her pink eyes widening in disbelief as she saw the three Rengokus in front of her. Shinjuro in particular let out a distressed, funny little noise, his bravado from before gone as he came face to face with the girl he had helped rear. Similarly, Senjuro flinched, half preparing for the door to slam back in their faces; again, Zenitsu did mention Nezuko as being snappier as of late. Kyojuro's smile wobbled, but otherwise tried to stay resolutely on his face as he lifted a hand in greeting, hoping his voice wasn't as unsteady as he felt. "Hello, Nezu--"
"YOU'RE HERE!" The girl cried out, a bright, welcoming smile on her lips as she suddenly jumped forward, bringing all three men into a big hug. Senjuro wheezed, the breath promptly squeezed out of him as he was pulled in, but seeing Nezuko's smile made it all worth it, his relief flooding him as he returned the hug. Similarly, he could feel Kyojuro and even Shinjuro's arms wrap themselves around the young woman, hugging her back just as back.
"I'm so happy to see you guys!" Nezuko finally said, pulling back from the hug far enough to regard the three men, her smile wide and her eyes near shining. "We missed you all so much!"
We.
A hopeful we, at least.
Before Senjuro could get his hopes too high, Shinjuro chuckled, all at once his own nervousness placated at seeing Nezuko grin, a welcome sight that he had sorely missed. "Ha, and here's to thinking that you two were just about done with us."
Kyojuro gave his father an exasperated look, but Nezuko had thankfully giggled, Senjuro unable to keep himself from joining her laughter. "No need to be so dramatic! We'd never be done with you guys." She then blinked and stepped back fully now, her smile quirking quizically at them, one of her thin brows raised. "Although...not that I'm complaining, but why are you guys here?"
Before any of the Rengokus could reply, from inside the apartment came a startled little noise. From over Nezuko's shoulder arrived Zenitsu, his thick brows knit together apologetically. "I-I'm sorry! I was just fixing the snacks, I didn't think Nezuko would open the door!"
Senjuro waved at Zen, shy and nervous. Even if he had been texting the blonde the past three days, he couldn't help the guilt that lurched in his throat as he still saw a thin band of gauze wrapped around Zenitsu's hand, a reminder of the accident that he had caused. The main catalyst for this entire--
No, no. Senjuro was the main catalyst, if he could just swallow that hard truth down.
Not noticing the shift in Senjuro's smile, Zenitsu tried to bid the Rengokus a welcoming grin himself. Only Kyojuro returned it, Shinjuro's chipper mood also souring as soon as he saw the blonde. "Um, h-hi. I was the one that invited them, actually. Since w-we weren't able to spend the proper holiday at their place." Zenitsu explained, addressing Nezuko.
"Aw, Zenitsu..." Nezuko's smile softened, gratitude in her sound as she regarded Zenitsu. She already knew of the blonde's anxiety problems, and that was aside from his less than stellar meeting with her family. Hearing that Zenitsu was the one that reached out touched her, forever glad that she had the foresight to turn him down back when she and Tanjiro moved into the city; only for her brother to snatch him up instead, thank goodness for that. She wrapped Zenitsu in a brief but tight one-armed hug, happy that the blonde is a new constant in her life. She then faced the Rengokus, tilting her head to gesture inside. "Come in, come in! Most everyone is just watching a movie."
The apartment, despite its generous size, felt cozy with the soft murmur of conversation and the warm glow of taped up string lights draped along the walls. Most of the guests had settled comfortably in the living room, their eyes fixed on the television screen playing some cheesy romcom, the volume low enough to let the soundtrack of casual conversation be heard. There was a girl with her ponytail tied to the side of her head held with a butterfly clip sat cross-legged on the plush rug, leaning against the couch as they flipped through a deck of cards, a girl with pig tails next to her and chattering about something. In what looked to be the kitchen area, there was a guy with a peculiar, mohawk styled haircut that bade the newcomers a curious glance, but then quickly turned back to his wild looking companion, who was in the middle of making some sort of...concoction with the drinks.
Kyojuro chuckled, his eyes scanning over the amicable atmosphere. "As always, you and Tanjiro seem to be as popular as ever." He commented, smiling at Nezuko as he shucked his shoes off and placed them by the door amidst the halfheartedly discarded shoes. Shinjuro and Senjuro copied him, Shinjuro grumbling about the mess left in their friends' wake.
Nezuko shrugged, Zenitsu leaving from her side to scamper over to the group in the living room. "Most of them were Zenitsu's friends, actually! Me and Tanjiro just so happened to mix well with them." She said modestly, bidding a quick wave to the girl shuffling the deck of cards, an affectionate smile on both of their faces. Senjuro bit back a small giggle; he's seen that lovestruck look before, all those weeks ago. It was similar to--
"Guys?"
Now it was Senjuro's turn to make a strained sound from his throat, turning towards the voice. From the living room's group of people, Senjuro could see Tanjiro stand up, Zenitsu next to him with a reassuring smile on the blonde's face. Tanjiro meanwhile looked shock, blinking profusely as his eyes scanned each of the Rengokus, his eyes lingering on Senjuro's for a beat too long.
However, thankfully before any awkwardness could really ensue, Kyojuro let out a hearty laugh--enough to capture the attention of at least half of the movie watchers. "Tanjiro, it's been a while!" He called. He and Tanjiro have always been close thanks to their equally active hobbies and general outlook, and he was never able to really regret the missed holiday together, too busy to try and keep his father's temper under control, his brother's mood up.
But as Tanjiro approached, the apparent affection was shared, the redhead now grinning as he walked closer. "Hey, it's good to see you guys!" He laughed, sharing a warm hug with Kyojuro. With a beat of hesitation, he also hugged Senjuro, the action quick and only slightly awkward; that was a good sign, wasn't it? However, Tanjiro's smile finally faltered as his eyes met Shinjuro's. A weird air lingered in the silence, both Shinjuro and Tanjiro feeling an embarassed regret wash over them--their last words to the other weren't exactly the kindest, and they were both afraid to take the first step towards each other. Too worried if they might somehow mess up again.
Nezuko to the rescue then, as she quickly took note of the awkwardness and swiftly decided to stomp on it. "Hey, Shinjuro! Whatcha got there?" She asked, voice certainly too loud but not losing any of it's warmth. She had pointed to the matching paper bags in his hands, catching everyone's attention. Having seemingly forgot about it, Shinjuro flushed for a m
oment as if caught with his hands down before clearing his throat, not looking either Kamado in the eye.
"T-they're just gifts we haven't given you two yet." He said, his voice gruff and trying to sound disinterested and imposing, passing each respective paper bag to either sibling. Tanjiro and Nezuko couldn't keep back their barely held smiles, the multitudes of gifts inside a clear indication of the care put into them. Nezuko and Tanjiro exchanged a look, one that only siblings had--before Tanjiro glanced at Zenitsu, as if checking in on his reaction. Seeing Zenitsu's bright smile and placating, dismissive hand, the message was clear: No grudge on his end!
His shoulders laxing, Tanjiro finally smiled at Shinjuro, who returned it with a small grin of his own. "...Do you guys want to eat?"
As the evening stretched on, Senjuro was surprised at how...easy it seemed. Having taken over the movie goers, Kyojuro commanded the room with his usual fiery enthusiasm. His older brother’s stories, full of exaggerated gestures and booming laughter, had the guests laughing and crying out in amusement; a fan favorite being childhood stories of the Kamados in particular. Even Shinjuro, who normally loomed in the background with a wary eye, sat comfortably beside Nezuko, a rare grin softening his features as he threw in gruff quips that earned quiet giggles from her and a few others. The atmosphere was light and filled with warmth, the kind of chaotic togetherness Senjuro had always imagined but never fully experienced until now.
And yet, he couldn't help the way his eyes had always flitted to Tanjiro, the redhead's hand intertwined with Zenitsu as the couple sat on the floor, the blonde's head resting against Tanjiro's shoulder. Domesticity and comfortability radiated off of them, their fondness and care obvious to everyone that so much as glanced at them. Senjuro felt his heart stay heavy, watching with pity for himself as he saw Tanjiro whisper something into Zenitsu's ear, only for the blonde to quickly swat his arm, a matching grin on his face with his cheeks tinged pink. Tanjiro laughed, leaning down to lift Zenitsu's hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his knuckles.
That same hand that held the scars from the broken plate.
The broken plate Senjuro had dropped.
He looked down to the ground, his lips pulled into a thin line, nursing the cup of juice in his hand; his reflection dark and unsteady, rippling in the drink. He sighed into his cup, feeling his heart crack further, the unhealed seams of it barely being held together nearly ripping.
...Well, may as well rip it himself.
Taking a quick sip of his juice before setting it down, he stood up from his position on the couch, careful to not draw too much attention to himself as he toed around the seated people on the ground. As he made his way to the couple though, he fidgeted slightly before leaning down. Zenitsu saw him first, Tanjiro's gaze following soon after. "U-um, Tanjiro...can we, um..." He stammered, his voice failing him, drifting off as he tried to make himself heard.
However, Tanjiro knew Senjuro. Could pinpoint each of the younger blonde's tells of nervousness, his natural bashfulness and anxiety clear on his face, in his scent. Distressed and heavy guilt, and Tanjiro couldn't help but have his heart soften. He could never really hate Senjuro, after everything; he cared for him.
Just...not like that.
Not needing Senjuro to elaborate, Tanjiro was already nodding, a small, reassuring smile on his face as he stood up. "Sure, yeah. We can...go out to the balcony." He said, gesturing towards where the said small balcony was. Senjuro nodded along, biting the inside of his cheek as he looked away, allowing Tanjiro the brief privacy to exchange a chaste kiss with Zenitsu, his boyfriend sending him off with an encouraging, gentle smile. Giving both of them one.
Tanjiro walked first, Senjuro following behind him as Tanjiro opened the sliding door. The balcony was small, especially compared to the large expanse of the apartment. Small enough for Senjuro and Tanjiro to stay side by side, but far enough for Senjuro to breathe--he needed it, not sure if he could really handle breathing the same air as the redhead, the proximity enough to make him queasy and fond. Off to the side was a washing machine, an empty clotheline squared off around them. Thankfully, there weren't any fabrics hanging to dry, allowing a hazy, midnight sky to fill the silence, the city's smoke obscuring most of the stars. A few of them persisted though, dotting the sky sparsely.
"...I miss the stars, back at our town." Tanjiro observed, his eyes staring up at the deep blue. Distantly, flashing lights flew--an airplane, the sky remiss of the shooting stars Tanjiro had grown up with. The stars that both of them grown up with, the memories of their youth both fresh and faded, bittersweet as they watched the plane fly.
Senjuro was silent, watching as Tanjiro leaned his elbows against the railing of the balcony, not looking at the blonde. Not yet, and Senjuro couldn't blame him. Not after what he's done, what he's felt--been feeling. "Tanjiro..." His voice came out a hoarse whisper, Tanjiro still not looking at him. Not yet.
Senjuro tried again, guilty tears trying to form but Senjuro blinked them away. He wouldn't allow himself to cry, he didn't deserve to. "Tanjiro, I'm..."
"I'm sorry, Sen."
Senjuro's eyes widened, Tanjiro finally turning around to face him. The redhead looked repentant, his kind eyes warm and apologetic, his brows knit together. "I...I shouldn't have yelled at you, before we left." He said, his voice meek and sincere.
Senjuro blinked in confusion at Tanjiro's words, the redhead's eyes glassy. Until finally, Senjuro groaned, covering his face with his palms, the impact causing a dull slap to resound in the air. Tanjiro jumped at the sudden sound, then he furrowed his brows further as Senjuro muffled...something into his palms. "...Sen?"
"I said," Senjuro pulled his palms down, giving Tanjiro a bemused, exasperated, fond look. "You are too nice for your own good."
Now it was Tanjiro's turn to stare in confusion, Senjuro sighing before shaking his head. "Tanjiro, I'm the one that has to apologize. I never should have--should have kissed you." His voice softened as he said the dreaded word, his lips momentarily burning at the mere memory of it. But he tried to wipe the burn away, forcing the longing out of his heart. "I never should have...f-fallen for you."
Tanjiro's shoulders remained tense, as if the mere confession put him on edge. And it did, Senjuro couldn't blame him; as Zenitsu said, Tanjiro saw them as family. Tanjiro glanced away for a moment, his lips pressed together as he sighed. "But still, I...I shouldn't have lost my temper at you--"
"Tanjiro, you had every right to lose your temper." Senjuro assured, shaking his head. "I kissed you, I pushed Zenitsu--"
"H-he's not mad about it!" Tanjiro quickly assured, lifting his hands in an attempt to placate Senjuro. "He--"
"He should be mad about it! You should be mad about it!" Senjuro said, his voice just bordering on teary frustration. A perfect match, completely kind and forgiving to a grievous fault, so much so that they were okay with bearing the hurt that others gave them. Then, weaker, Senjuro breathed out, "Why aren't you mad about it?"
Tanjiro's mouth fell shut, his own eyes softening as he contemplated the question, really thought about it. After a long moment, he sighed and scratched his nape, his eyes darting off to the side, towards the washing machine. He and Zenitsu had bought it together, to so delicately keep Zenitsu's hands from chafing, much to the blonde's embarassment. "I...was. Am. I-I think. I mean," Tanjiro sighed as he tried again, his hands dropping to his sides. "I should have been mad. And-and I would have been, but..."
"...But?" Senjuro asked, confusion in his tone.
"But it's you." Tanjiro finished, his shoulders slumping. Senjuro felt a lump in his throat as Tanjiro continued, gesturing to his companion. "Sen, I...could never be mad at you. Never for long."
No, no. Tanjiro, please be unkind. Please be mean, be cruel.
Senjuro is begging for a reason to hate Tanjiro, to flip the love he had for the redhead on it's head, to do away with these feelings that persisted. But instead, Tanjiro could only prove more and more why Senjuro fell for him in the first place, why he was the kindest guy he's ever met, he'll ever meet.
And why Senjuro had no right to love him--for who was he, in the face of kindness?
Senjuro swallowed down the dryness in his throat, forcing his chest to ease it's heartache. "You...You deserve to be mad." He finished, his voice tired. "Not just for-for what I did to Zenitsu. For what I...what I did to you."
Tanjiro gave him a wry smile, shaking his head slightly. "And even then, I still see you as one of the most important people in his life." His smile then fell, as if considering his words, really hearing them. He then let out a tense chuckle, wincing at his own words.
"Huh, I...guess this isn't really helping your crush on me, isn't it." He said, finally realizing that his words were far too endeared for someone currently talking to someone with unrequited love.
Senjuro finally let out a laugh, a soft giggle even as tears finally dotted his eyes. "Not really." He agreed. The two fell into a strangely comfortable silence, before Tanjiro tilted his head at Senjuro, a hopeful look in his face. "...Can I hug you, at least?"
Please, don't let go.
Senjuro smiled, nodding and stepping closer. "Yeah, I'd...I'd like that." He agreed, opening his arms. Tanjiro wrapped his leaner arms around Senjuro, and the blonde couldn't help the way his tears finally spilled, burying his head into Tanjiro's shoulder. They had hugged earlier, in an awkward greeting. But even as this embrace was more for closure--why did it feel like goodbye?
A goodbye to Senjuro's feelings, to any chance of them. A goodbye to his foolish clinging to a love that can't be returned--at least, not in the way he wanted.
But as he felt Tanjiro's hands gently rub his back in comfort, he couldn't help the bittersweet smile on his lips. No, it wasn't the love that he wanted--but it was a welcomed love, nonetheless.
"...I'm sorry." Senjuro hiccupped, once his tears had finallys settled, his voice shaky. Tanjiro pulled back, using a calloused hand to wipe away Senjuro's tears. As he did ever since they were young, as he will continue to do.
"I'm sorry, too. For...for making you cry." Tanjiro whispered, letting his hand fall back to his side, too afraid to let it linger on Senjuro's skin. For the best, all things considered.
Still at an arm's length, the two finally let each other go, taking a careful step back. "Will we...we're okay, right?" Tanjiro asked, his voice hesitant.
We're okay. It's just me that's the problem.
Senjuro chuckled, nodding as he pulled a shaky smile. "We're okay." He confirmed, and surprisingly enough, Senjuro realized he meant it. Despite the pain in his chest, he realized he is okay. So long as he has Tanjiro in his life, however it may be, he'll...he'll be okay. All that's left is to get better at being okay.
Tanjiro smiled, still able to smell the lingering remorse, the lingering ache in the air, but it had dampened, revealing again the natural scent of care that had been hidden away underneath. "I'm...I'm glad."
"Mm."
The two basked in the brief silence before a chorus of cheers erupted from the inside; followed by a concerning chant of, "Shinjuro! Shinjuro! Shinjuro!" Tanjiro and Senjuro blinked, exchanging a confused look, before bursting into matching laughter, wondering what the older blonde had gotten himself roped into.
Tanjiro moved towards the door, then turned back towards Senjuro, his red eyes kind and patient. Those kind eyes that Senjuro had loved, but...maybe could learn to let go. "You coming?" He asked, offering a hand out for Senjuro to take.
On autopilot, Senjuro was about to take Tanjiro's hand, but then stopped. After a moment, he merely bade the redhead a smile, shrugging lightly. "You go on ahead. I'll follow after, okay?"
Tanjiro returned his smile, nodding in understanding as he dropped his hand. "Gotcha. Come in soon though, alright?" Then, with a softer chuckle, glanced at the crowd left inside. "I think Nezuko whipped out the karaoke just for Shinjuro."
Senjuro laughed at the idea of his father of all people belting out a traditional Japanese song, shaking his head. "Thank goodness then I'm out here." They exchanged another laugh, before Tanjiro turned to finally rejoin the crowd, where no doubt Zenitsu's warm smile and warmer hands would greet him.
Senjuro sighed, turning back to the evening sky, and if he could just imagine it, he could see the faint outline of the other stars peek through the smog.
Maybe one day, he can see them again.