Chapter Text
The click of a pen. A new beginning to an end. Or a promise to the wind. The one called Mother, who shares my eyes but woven with roses. Who shares the night as a crown on her head. Still, just as elegant even lacking the grace of a bird’s wing. She is the watcher of the us ravens. Though, we dwell as sunset to sunrise.
Dark shadow. My shadow. Me. We are an enigma, body and soul. Assuming those two ideas are separate. My shadow has set traps for me. Like I am an invader to our sacred castle. A snare tighten to the point of liberty. It’s terrifying. Nothing I say reaches her heart. I fear it to be steeling to stone.
Yet…. our mother. She spoke a word of truth. No man chooses how they are born. No creature or anything with the breath of life has a choice. This touched my Shadow and swayed her mind. I hope. This I pray. For I believe her words are true. For If I could rewrite my days I would. To have a quirk like her. Like mother.
Tsukimi wielder of luminate. Mini moons that light the night. Nothing like my accursed quirk. One who caused pain and suffering. Not only to myself but those closest to me. The boy and his sister. A younger bloom, colors of hope and light. Through time, petals fell and streams withered, lost to monstrous jaws. Dark shadow Is here. Dark shadow in my mind…..
A new dawn is approaching as we all rush towards the sun. I fear for what the day brings. My hope is for control and peace, understanding. But within I know what whispers point to. It is as plain as the slash on my face. Like a broken mirror holding shards together.
I fear my hands will bleed…and hearts will burst.
—-------------------------------------------
Tokoyami let out a long breath. He was done. The tradition of spilling his thoughts as art was kept. Although he will miss his journal of darkness, (Thanks to Dark shadow) he now has a new one. He would think of a clever name later, something better than Journal of darkness.2
Maybe I-Island wouldn’t be so bad….
One can only dream.
But how can you, if you don’t sleep?
Tokoyami walked the streets of the town and basked in the sights. It was…different people here flaunted their quirks proudly. It was allowed. Dark shadow floated out her cage and followed his gaze over a crowd. It was different. Not celebrated but not unwelcome. Still Tokoymai was unsure.
His head feathers spiked at the sheer amount of faces passing by. He grumbled pulling out his mini map places, his classmates were supposed to be.
“Hey, Tokoyami.” It was Shoji. “Let’s check out the museum. I think it’s less crowded.”
Tokoyami folded the door map slightly, “Oh…you noticed?”
Dark shadow’s voice rasped aloud, “Fumikage. Let’s go over there! I wanna see God Zillo!” she shook his shoulder.
He looked at Shoji then sighed, looking to his quirk, “That would be interesting…but the museum soun-”
In a with swift bash Tokoyami was hit over his head,nearly dropping his map.
“Go see ZIllo!” she hissed.
The teen’s eyes stared at the ground. He had no desire to get an autograph from the shifting hero, he really didn’t…but.. He knew Dark shadow couldn’t break now. To silence her required something he simply didn’t have. He drug his gaze to his shadow.
Let's go Fumikage
“Very well….” He looked to Shoji, “I will see you later..”
Shoji blinked slowly, “Yeah…”
He was judging him. That simple word carried too much. When the two ravens were several steps away Tokoysmi took a breath. He couldn’t let this go on. He had to reel in his shadow. People were going to think he was crazy.
He spoke, “Dark shadow..you’re not supposed to act like this.”
Her blaring stare landed on him, “Just shut up and keep walking.”
Retaliation was expected…but he had to stop this. That was out of line…..
“People will think I am insane If I have to argue you down.” Tokoyami slowed his walk.
“Then shut your mouth, keep walking.” she grumbled.
Frustration bubbled in his chest but a possessive shadowy hand dried it up. His mouth shut and the shadow curled her claws on his shoulder. Tokoyami kept walking on, not really paying attention to the world around him. He was just….just…what was he doing? Obeying his shadow?
Dark shadow’s words rumbled in his mind, “Fumikage, you’re tired right now. Just do as I say and we’ll be fine. You like the Zillo movies…so you will have fun. You need fun.” she patted his head with a free hand.
A belittling touch.
The sky was black now. Tokoyami spent the day roaming the park. His legs felt numb from the aimless walk but his mind was elsewhere. Sooner or later he had to correct his shadow. Yeah she would bite back but he had to be stronger. What would that entitle though? Just the thought of having to wrestle his shadow made his scar burn. The ugly initial carved into his skull.
It could easily be worse…so was he ready to fight? Teeth and claw with this monster?
No..
His head was jerked to the right.
“Buy a soda! You’re thirsty Fumikage.” she barked in his ear.
His hands moved to get one. He honestly hated all these brands but it’s what she called for. The can was snatched up in shadowy claws as she cracked it open and started chugging it. That was going to be terrible on his body later. His complaints never left his mind as a yawn seized him.
He was still so very tired.
his shadow poked his head, “Look alive Fumikage.”
He looks to her confused, “Jeez, I can’t even yawn now?” he sneered
Her feathers ruffled, “ Watch it!”
“Tokoyami hey,” Shoji was back.
“Shoji?..oh….I..I lost track of time and..”
“Forget about that.. Let’s get inside, something’s going on.”
Tokoyami suddenly became aware of the many guard robots around them. How did I not see this? He ran a hand down his face and followed Shoji’s lead. Or so he thought. The teen found his wrist being taken by Shoji as he was guided into a building. Some hotel he thinks. Tokoyami honestly didn’t know, His eye lids kept slipping closed.
Fumikage, wake up.
A prickle of ice ran through Tokoyami. And settled in his arms and hands, they flexed by his shadow’s will. But before Dark shadow could do whatever she was planning, Shoji let him go. They were in a room.
“Something’s not right about this..” Shoji mumbled staring out the window.
The raven boy was struggling to say the least. The tightness in his arms was mounting. Like ice warring with electricity. He felt it. Crawling under his skin. Attaching itself to his nerves.
Do you feel it Fumikage?
Tokoyami snorted, shaking his head as her words brought a dense fog. His arms twitched.
The moon. It’s soon to be full.
His head feathers spiked and ruffled, his jaw opened in silent cry. He was shaking. What’s wrong with me? Dark shadow what are you doing!? His mind began to crack. Starting from that dreaded scar outward. A strangled cry escaped his throat.
“Tokoyami? Tokoyami!” Shoji closed the blinds and rushed over. “What’s wrong with you?”
The moon Fumikage! We need it! You like the moon’s light as much as I do.
His knees hit the floor and Shoji’s voice came louder, “Talk to me Tokoyami what’s going on!?”
“Dark…shadow!” he managed to rasp, twisting his head.
Shojis’ arms stretched to get Tokoyami’s bag, “What do I need to do? Do you have medicine?”
Fumikage! Let me out! I want to see the night! Get up! Let’s go together! Let’s dance to the moon’s song!
Tokoyami clutched a hand onto his head. Fire swam through his veins.
“I.. don’t want to….what are you?” Tokoyami slurred
Shoji was at his level now, “Tokoyami? Look at me. Come on…can you hear me?”
Reding eyes locked with sharp ones. What did he need? The moon? Darkness? He wanted to be free. To feel the moon’s power to….to..no…NO.. His mind was getting invaded. That’s what the monster wanted…The rapid knocking in his chest raged with the straining in his lungs.
“Light!” He gasped,” I need light! Turn on the light.”
Click.
The boy slumped down, catching his breath. Red trickled down his beak, nose bleed. He wanted to pass-out, to sleep. But…Shoji.
“Thank you….Thank you Shoji..it’s my quirk…it becomes volatile in the dark.” he managed to say.
“This is serious. Are you sure you don’t need me to call someone?”
his phone was in his hand.
“I’m sure. I need light. It calms my shadow..”
“What is really going on with you? You’ve been acting strange for days now. ”
What is really wrong?
You are weak Fumikage. What is really wrong, is you. You are not who you used to be. You let people step all over you. Make choices for you, support other’s ideals. What happened to what you believe?
Tokoyami rubbed his chest, his heart was a mess.. He just wanted everything to go back k to normal.
“ I’m….tired.” he sighs.
If your tired, sleep.
“Everything's just too much..” Tokoyami wasn’t sure if he was talking to Shoji or Dark shadow. “I’m tired of pretending I’m okay.” his voice wavered a bit.
Stop pretending. Do what you want. You are slave to no one.
“I try…so hard, to be strong. I do all I can, I make so many sacrifices so I can walk in the light with everyone else.. But nothing is giving. It seems the world won’t let me breathe. Everyone gets an easy pass…but why must I suffer in this way? What did I do, to deserve this!?”
This time Shoji replied, “The world is not fair.”
Shoji reels in an arm beside him and offers a tissue.
“ We all have our days Tokoyami. Weeks even. When nothing goes right. Life has it’s…tendencies.. Of mistreating the kind hearted people.”
Dark shadow shifted inside Tokoyami, it seems she was listening.. Shoji lifted the left side of his poncho. There. On his left shoulder was a small burn. It was recent.
“This was an accident. I was out late and It was raining hard. This lady, she thought I was a villain or something.. And used her quirk… I don’t blame her. It was dark and I know how I look. ”
Tokoyami’s eyes were glued to that burn. An echo cut across his own face.
“So…Not everyone has it easy. A lot of us are dealing with It. and just like you…we don’t say anything until it’s too much to bear. That’s what we do. But we can always let our friends help shoulder the heavier moments.” Shoji lowered the poncho.
“Ever Since you had that cut on your face, you’ve been acting differently. I can tell it’s eating you up inside…you can tell me the story. I’m listening.”
Speak Fumikage. Tell him what I did. I know you hate it.
The Raven closed his eyes and shook his head, I’m trying to keep you safe .
When you suffer, so do I. And I’m sick of it.
“Dark shadow did it….I did this to myself” He confessed in bitterness.
Shoji’s eyes widened, but he remained quiet. An invitation to explain.
“I know, where I want to be and who I should be. ” His hand touches the scar. “ I did this because I’m a failure. My quirk is dangerous… and difficult to handle.. As a child I couldn’t control it…at all…and I did awful things..Shoji. Appalling crimes.. everytime I got upset, Dark shadow would rage. So I couldn’t vent my pain. I can’t. Dark shadow can do the unthinkable…Tear people apart!” He panted twice, eyes unfocused. “There’s a darkness in me. I’ve been holding it back my whole life..I just…..I don’t…I don’t” Tokoyami stared at his cramping hands.
“What’s your favorite book?”
Tokoyami paused his rambling,“ what?”
“What is your favorite book?”he repeated.
“Book?”
“Or story..please tell me.”
The raven took a few breaths to try or gather his thoughts, “Alice, in wonderland?”
“Why?”
Red eyes searched Shoji’s face, what did a book matter right now? The look on Shoji’s face said he wanted to know though. He expected an answer. Tokoyami took a few more breaths and closed his eyes to think. Why did he like Alice in wonderland?
“I, like that…. Alice…goes to a new world.” he started carefully. “A reality that’s governed by different rules. I like to think…it would be fun..to explore a world like that.”
“Thank you….You know, I think that’s what everyone likes the most about fiction. It provides an escape. ”I had an old friend, who told me the same thing. He liked gaming, because it let him escape. Let’s do something different. Let’s change one thing at a time to make our life more like the life you want.
“In…concept that’s good but… My situation is not that simple.”
“Why don’t you start by telling people how you feel more often?”
“I..”
“Just told me how you feel and the roof is still standing; and If it helps you I don’t mind. You need a friend like me.”
Tokoyami took a moment to think. Think. Dark shadow was silent. She was still there of course, but she was not assaulting his mind. Was this the key to calming his shadow?
“This is what I journal for, to vent the stress.”
“It never hurts to have confidant.” Shoji's eyes softened in smile.
A hand reaching to pull him out the pit.
“I guess I could try….”