Chapter Text
And that’s how they formed their group of friends, after one simple afternoon at some cafeteria and boiling hot tteobokki at Riku’s park of choice.
He thought about it intensely, the whole being friends with some boys one and even two years younger than him, and he thought it was going to be weirder, but for some reason, and he didn’t want to sound like that kind of dude, they were really mature for their age, in fact, Riku was the most annoying to deal with out of the five of them.
Being the oldest was weirdly comforting, and it gave him some kind of grounding, some kind of purpose: he became better at organizing things, so much better at communicating and holding everything together. It’s not like he was magically cured and he didn’t have a huge problem with the way his brain worked in certain things, but he was getting so much better. He still relied on medication, but Jungwoo offered him lighter doses, which at first scared Sion so much because he didn’t want to lose his improvements, but he managed to do it alright.
Months passed, and then years. Everything with them felt right, at ease, and he felt more than ready to keep on improving his lifestyle and overcoming the difficulties they all faced. They were now together, and nothing could change that.
He was boding with Riku like they never did because they started university together: Riku enrolled in Mechanical Engineering and Sion enrolled in Marketing. They met some friends at uni too, such as Jisung and Donghyuck (very weird people but really fun to be around).
His brother Daeyoung also enrolled in university a year after, getting into Architecture, same as Yushi, so they spent their whole days at the university, and when they were home, they invaded the living room with their laptops and wood pieces for their tiny house models. Sion loved helping them build those models, but he didn’t have the hands for it so he just helped glue some things together and blowing them dry. He didn’t feel bored as he helped them, but because there was always something new to do, so even if he thought about how suffocating their degree could be, he was just glad that he could help them out every once in a while.
Ryo didn’t enroll because he needed to spend time with their family, taking care of them and their business, and Sakuya decided to take a gap year, trying to get to work on his Korean because he wanted to study abroad.
So that’s what they were. Sion was now twenty, working on his degree, spending time with his friends—his friends and his brother—his friends, his brother, and Yushi.
Because that was the thing, who was Yushi to him?
The first time they met, Sion was left speechless. He was taken aback by how Yushi looked, and as he got to know him better, he became more and more into him. But he never said anything because how could he?
Yushi didn’t like to talk at all, always hiding whatever the fuck he was feeling, and not even when they were all adults and started to drink together he said something daring, something not expected.
It wasn’t that Sion minded it, because he really liked Yushi just the way it was, but as he was spending more and more time in his house, it felt wrong to have a crush on him and not tell him, or even worse, telling him so he felt uncomfortable in his house, then the whole relationship with Daeyoung was going to get wasted… It was hard. He tried to get over it, tried to focus on other people, giving a chance to a couple of girls who introduced themselves flirty to him, but it was never the right time, the right person, the right thing to do. And he wanted to do good.
“I don’t think it’s working for you that you are suppressing those emotions anymore Sion. I’m not saying it should be working, but at first, we tend to find it easier because it’s something new, something you had lived all your life without it and now it only makes sense that you can also live without it, but as time passes, it’s hard to suppress it because it is who you are, you can’t deny it anymore”
Jungwoo said to him that morning. He wasn’t bothered by it, because he knew it was the truth.
“I want you to try to be a bit more precise about your feelings towards the situation, try to air them out”
“I’ve been thinking about it… And I think that… it’s like a bird”
“Yushi as a bird?” Jungwoo asked confused
“No no, the situation itself” Sion explained quickly “Listen I feel like I’ve been taking care of a bird for some years now, and that I don’t want to lose the bird, so I have him in this kind of cage, and I’m afraid that if I let go of the bird he is going to go away”
“In this situation, do you think this hypothetical cage could be your own perception of him? Like you are making him live in your imagination more than in your actual life”
“It could be, but like, I don’t want to tell the bird ‘Oh by the way I want you to stay with me forever’ to trust him completely and open all the windows for him and then he just takes the first opportunity he has and leaves me before I showed him how much I want to take care of him” Sion explained rushedly, tears breaming in his eyes “Fuck, I don’t know,...”
“That makes sense Sion. You have been taking care of it, spending time with it, and the bird doesn’t know it but, as you said, he is trapped, in your head. I’m not saying it’s your fault that is trapped but a result of the events,” Jungwoo explained calmly, and Sion tried to focus “You think about the bird more than you spend time with it, and the bird has to live to some expectations he doesn’t even know. You are acting in certain ways just to protect him, like that cage you mentioned. There is a possibility that if you free the bird, he is going to run away, he is going to get out of the first window he sees open, and you have to think about this possibility. But there is also a possibility that he is going to want to stay with you, not in a cage, but in your house, around you, and even if you open as many windows as you want, he is going to stay by your side. Am I making myself clear?”
“For some reason yes? But still, it drains me, I don’t know”
“Let’s do this, this week’s homework is going to be about this okay? I want you to write along these two weeks the moments you feel good about the situation, about Yushi, but also write the moments you feel bad about it, do you think you could do that?”
“Yes”
He didn’t know what he was saying when he answered that question, he only realized that two days later, the first day of his week, when he entered his house after hitting the gym with Riku.
Yushi was at his house, that wasn’t new, but there was another guy with them. He knew Yushi and his brother had a lot of friends in common and that they all studied together, still, seeing how comfortable Yushi was around them left Sion feeling awkward, and out of place. Why was he smiling and talking so much all of a sudden? He felt happy because of how comfortable Yushi seemed to be, but he couldn’t help but wonder if he didn’t feel like it around him too.
“Hi, guys! This is Wonbin, he’s in our class” Daeyoung chirped “Yushi and him met a while ago”
Sion looked at them while they both nodded, becoming suddenly silent. Riku tried to join the conversation, greeting him.
“What are you guys doing?” he asked as he looked over the books and drawings on the big table. “This looks so pretty. Did you guys do it?”
“Yushi did” Daeyoung explained, and Yushi nodded “We are doing some kind of ephemeral architecture for our design class, it's kind of a pavilion that-”
“Okay enough” Riku cut him, side-hugging him “I’m not going to interrupt you guys anymore”
Riku went to the bathroom quickly (he always came to their house to go to the bathroom after the gym) and he left, saying goodbye loudly. Sion offered to help them, but they said they didn’t need him yet, so he just hung around the living room too, doing some financial management essay that he needed to submit in just a couple of hours. He tried locking in, working as hard as he could, but he couldn’t help but glance at Yushi and Wonbin, always laughing softly between them, whispering things, writing things down to each other, and occasionally, they glanced at him back, smiling and becoming silent again.
i don’t understand why he doesn’t laugh with me as much as he laughs with wonbin???
He wrote down on some spare paper that he had been doodling to focus. He ended up using ChatGPT for the conclusion of his essay, and he prayed for an average grade as he submitted it. He asked again if they needed some help, but they said no, so he just went straight to bed, even if they were talking softly, Sion couldn’t fall asleep, hearing how much Yushi was laughing. After an hour of scrolling on Tiktok, he went to the bathroom to wash his face and finally put himself to sleep, he bumped into Yushi as he was getting out of the bathroom too.
“I thought you were sleeping,” Yushi said, avoiding eye contact “Sorry if we are making too much noise”
“It’s okay, I rather hear you guys laughing than crying”
“Hey that was one time only” Yushi hit his arm softly
“If you guys need anything tell me, I can’t fall asleep anyways”
“Why? Are you nervous?”
“I guess” Sion said, not wanting to elaborate
“Here, open your hands,” Sion did as Yushi said, feeling curious. Yushi clasped his hands together and started applying pressure with his thumbs “This is going to help you sleep”
Sion just nodded, not wanting to disturb the vibe. If the vibe was Yushi massaging his hands at the bathroom door with the lights dimly on, he was going to let it be. After a couple of minutes, Sion felt Yushi’s hands sweating, and he excused himself to go to the living room again. He washed his face, which was now redder than ever, and went to sleep clasping his hands, remembering Yushi’s fingers on him. The next morning he took the piece of paper and wrote down:
yushi massaging me felt like melting
And Sion kept on writing these kinds of things during the week.
why does he looks at me without meeting my eyes? it makes me insecure
doesn’t want to walk with me to the subway???? why???
god i love when he cooks for us, even if ryo flames him
the fact that he asks daeyoung for a spare tshirt whenever he sleeps over…. why doesn’t he ask me if i dress better than daeyoung??
he smells so nice it’s kind of soothing
he defended me when riku said my hair looked stupid
He smiled writing that last thing down, folding the paper, and getting it inside his notebook.
They were at the library, all of them. Ryo and Sakuya went because Sakuya was looking for universities in Seoul and Ryo wanted to help him choose, the rest of them were studying for the winter semester exams. Whenever they had a break, neither Yushi nor Daeyoung wanted to stop studying, and none of them pushed them to, everyone knew they were mad stressed. They were at the library lobby, warming themselves up with some coffee and hot chocolate, when they saw Yushi getting down the stairs. Sion thought he was going to join them but he had his backpack on, so he guessed he was leaving already.
“I’m going to go, I need to help Wonbin with his urbanism submission”
“Good luck guys” Ryo cheered him
“Thanks, bye bye” Yushi said softly and waved them off
“I can’t wait for exams to be over, he looks tired as fuck” Riku said, finishing his beverage
“For real, my mom is worried about Daeyoung, he literally doesn’t get up from his computer for hours, not even for dinner”
“That can’t be healthy” Sakuya said, shaking his head
“Don’t get me started” Ryo scolded him
They all finished their drinks and went upstairs, getting ready to continue studying. Sion finished the second lesson on Digital marketing and he attempted to cross it off of his planning when Sion's heart skipped a beat.
Where the fuck was his notebook?
He panicked, of course he did, because couldn’t lose that notebook. First of all, he was keeping track of his study sessions, already crossed down a bunch of things, and planned two weeks to catch up with his submissions. Second, it was a present that Daeyoung gave all of them last Christmas, as he drew some animals on the cover of it. Sion’s one was a cute jellyfish, and he couldn’t find it anywhere.
He wanted to cry, already blaming himself because he had been so distracted that he had lost it. He looked in his backpack, Riku’s backpack, on the floor, around their chairs, and when he started moving papers around he saw it, he let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding. He opened it and realized it wasn’t his.
A bunch of doodling, architects' names all over the pages, incoherent numbers… He closed the notebook and he saw it, the bird Daeyoung drew on Yushi’s notebook. Initially, his only had a cat, a tiny orange one, but Daeyoung teased his best friend so much and drew a tiny hummingbird because everyone agreed Yushi was a mix of those two animals.
Sion heart started to race, and he got his phone out and texted him quickly.
Why the fuck did Yushi take 10 minutes to know it wasn’t his notebook? He read the paper. He definitely did. Sion wanted to die, he wanted to kill Jungwoo because how was going to write that shit down to help him with his feelings? Now he felt like choking, that was for sure.
“Sion are you okay?” Riku said, snapping him out of his thoughts
“Yes, I am going to the bathroom, I think the coffee didn’t sit in my stomach right”
“TMI dude” Ryo said
Sion didn’t say anything more and rushed downstairs, walking in circles at the lobby of the building. It was spacious, with great windows showing how snowy it was outside, and warm lights all over the ceiling creating a comfortable environment, yet he felt like drowning. The lack of furniture felt suffocating, the big windows felt intimidating like people outside were judging him, the warm light felt hot in his head, and he started getting his hoodie out because he couldn’t breathe properly, and when he got his head out of it, Yushi was at the door, panting, grabbing the notebook with trembling hands. Sion didn’t move, he couldn’t, and he thought he was dreaming when he saw Yushi was the one cutting the distance between both of them.
“I’m sorry” he said
“You read it right”
“I’m sorry, I was with Wonbin and-”
“Whatever Yushi, just give it to me” he said, extending his arm
“Sion I am sorry, I thought it was some useless paper”
“It was some useless paper, now can you please give it back?” he continued asking, this time with a louder voice
“It is not useless Sion” Yushi said, keeping his voice calm
“Yushi I don’t want to talk to you right now, I just want my notebook back”
“I’m sorry Sion”
As soon as Yushi extended his arm, Sion grabbed it firmly and ran upstairs, locking himself up in the bathroom. He sat there, trying to compose himself, but it was impossible when the only thing he had between his hands was his notebook. Something so inoffensive as some sheets of paper stacked on top of each other, now it had a whole different meaning for them. He opened it, and as soon as he saw the piece of paper, he wanted to tear it apart, but he didn’t.
He opened it because he wanted to read it again, he didn’t exactly remember what had he written, and maybe it was some sort of damage control. But that wasn’t his piece of paper, that wasn’t his calligraphy. It was Yushi’s.
i like how he always let me walk in the inside of the street, not letting me close to the road
i love spending the night at his place because i can have breakfast with him (and laugh at his messy hair) at 21:34
he makes me feel so nervous i cant even look at him, sometimes i think if he notices it
wonbin says im too obvious about it but every time i touch his hands i feel calmer
he always answers me in the group chat, even when i say something stupid
he is too stubborn, we will never agree on some things and that worries me
is he into riku? i am insane
Sion laughed at the last one, feeling reassured, but he quickly snapped out, getting himself out of the bathroom with shaky hands, running towards the lobby again, thinking about how was he going to run to Wonbin’s when it was snowing harshly, but as soon as he saw Yushi sitting there, he was glad that he wasn’t going to need to do it.
His friend heard him stepping down the stairs, in fact, everyone at the building probably did, and the security guard gave him a very intimidating look, so he slowed down, but he kept on looking at Yushi, how could he not? He had the most worried face on him and it didn’t get any better when Sion finally approached him, getting so close to him that he could see how tears were breaming in Yushi’s eyes.
“I’m sorry Sion I just-”
“It’s okay Yushi”
They both held each other tightly, possibly creating some scene for the people that surrounded them, but it didn’t matter, not right now. Sion hugged him strongly, but also with a hint of softness in his hands that made Yushi shiver. He felt so small under Sion’s arms, and he wanted to hug him forever.
“I like you” Yushi whispered, almost like he didn’t want Sion to listen, but he always did “I thought I was being obvious about it and you didn’t like me back so that’s why I couldn’t-”
“I like you too, so much” Sion answered to a question Yushi didn’t make “Did you keep my notes?” Yushi nodded “Why? I need them back”
“They are about me, can’t I have them?”
“I can write you new ones, but I need those back”
Yushi whispered a tiny ‘okay’ and broke the hug, grabbing his wallet and getting the folded paper from its pockets. Sion took it and smiled, feeling weirdly comforted by having his own thoughts back.
“Do you want to go and have dinner?”
“I still need to welp Wonbin”
“Oh okay true” Sion remembered “And do you want to come over tomorrow morning? We can have breakfast together”
Yushi happily nodded, and Sion hugged him again. He walked him out, feeling safer because the snow had stopped it but also warning him to be careful because the floor was slippery. Sion didn’t want to let him go, but the thought of seeing him the next day warmed him up already, so they waved each other off and he came back to the library with the biggest smile ever.
“You look better” Sakuya admitted “I hope no one entered the bathroom right after you”
“Okay we are leaving” Daeyoung wrapped up, feeling tired “Someone get me some nikuman please, I’m starving”
“Say no more” Riku almost yelled, getting all kinds of weird looks from the student
They went to have some snacks but they all ate it at Riku’s place. After that, everyone left to their respective homes, and once again Sion was too nervous to sleep, and he tried massaging his hands like Yushi did, but the mere thought of him was enough to get him to sleep. The next morning Yushi came, and it was the most wholesome thing ever. They had pancakes, made by Daeyoung of course, and even if the rest of the morning they were studying, it was comfortable. Sion offered him some pajama clothes, and Yushi agreed, they sat together at lunch… They couldn’t hold their smiles for the whole day.
They started dating after a few weeks full of coffee dates, movie nights, and study sessions, and after exams they celebrated properly, spending their whole weekends together. Sion asked himself why he didn’t say anything earlier, because being with Yushi was the greatest thing he had ever done.
He often thought about that snowy evening when everything changed. Sitting in his bedroom, a cup of coffee in hand, he glanced at the neatly folded piece of paper tucked into the edge of his notebook. It was no longer just a record of his feelings but a shared history, both his and Yushi’s, because each of them used that paper and a hundred more to leave cute notes to each other as they passed by the university, in the library, or when one of them stayed over at the other’s house, they always left some kind of note.
Their relationship grew stronger with each passing day, and while the worries of the past still lingered faintly in his heart, Sion learned to trust the freedom of their connection. Yushi wasn’t the bird trapped in a cage anymore. Instead, he stayed because he wanted to, fluttering between their lives with a warmth and gentleness that they could only describe as love.
It was in the little things, such as the way Yushi would wait for him outside his lectures just to hold his hand on the walk home, the quiet mornings spent making breakfast together, or the moments when Yushi would glance at him, probably thinking he wasn’t watching because of how quickly he turned, but always with a look of pure adoration.
One evening, as they sprawled across the couch after a long study session, Yushi suddenly reached for Sion’s hand, tracing the lines of his palm with delicate fingers.
“You know,” Yushi began, his voice quiet but sure “I think I’m happiest when I’m with you”
Sion’s chest tightened, his heart swelling with emotions too big to put into words. He squeezed Yushi’s hand gently, leaning his forehead against his. He loved being close to him, he will always choose to be close to him.
“Me too” he whispered back
And in that moment, Sion realized he didn’t need to hold onto the bird anymore. It was already home.