Chapter Text
I haven’t left home in a while. No one’s come calling for me, and I’ve had no desire to go out either. The idea of meeting anyone doesn’t please me, and I’m not even sure anyone wants to be in my presence right now. Actually, I wouldn’t know that. My phone has been on silent for as long as I haven’t left my home, and I haven’t checked it either. I haven’t really been doing anything except avoiding sleep. I hate it, I really do. I want to be able to sleep normally, to converse normally, to be “normal.” But I can’t. And I am not sure if I ever will. I think everyone thinks I don’t want to communicate. That I choose to be like this on purpose. That I don’t like company, that I’m always sad, or angry, or just negative in general. None of which is true. I can’t help the way I come across to others, as people will always see things through a different lens. Everyone sees things differently, I was taught.
“No matter how anyone may see you, you’ll always be the true you in here.”
It hurts. It always hurts. No matter how much time passes. If I close my hand, I imagine I can still feel the warmth of Maria’s hands. I remember the softness of her palms, her slim nails, how warm, kind, and gentle they always were. I can remember each blonde strand of hair, the blueness of her eyes, so rich we would compare them to the Earth’s surface, her bright, cheerful smile, the care taken in every step she took. She didn’t have to be a sister to me. She could’ve worried more about herself. I remember she was in the Ark because of her chronic illness. There was no cure, and she was such a young girl, too. I’d loved her more than anything. She was my best friend, my sister.
I turn to the window. I wonder what Maria would think of Earth. I found it overwhelming at first. Now it’s rather underwhelming when you are used to it. I know she would love flowers. Seeing a flower in your hand, being able to feel its soft petals, inhale its faint but meaningful scent, is so different from seeing it in a picture. Being able to feel the wind whip its way around you, to be able to turn around and see leaves being carried away into unknown places, to step into a lake and feel the cruelty of the cold water around your ankles, is different to experience rather than to be told about. And now she’ll never be able to experience any of it. And it’s my fault. My creation led to her death. And I have to live with that fact, forever.
Knock, knock.
“Go away,” I shout in the direction of the door.
”If you don’t open this door, I can simply do it myself!” a familiar voice calls. I can’t tell who it is.
”No, you can’t. That’s illegal. And impossible, my door is very secure,” I shout.
A few locks on my door glow. And click themselves open.
“Are you sure? That was ridiculously easy.” the voice muses.
The rest of the locks follow suit. The door opens.
”Hello to you too, Shadow. You do know it’s not good for your eyes to be constantly sitting in the dark, right?”
I see why my door was easily infiltrated. It’s Silver.
”You shouldn’t be able to just do that. That’s a hazard,” I tell him.
”Do you really think I go around breaking into people’s homes? That’s the first time I’ve forced entry into someone’s home,” he states dryly, gesturing at my door.
“I still don’t think you should be able to do that. Why are you of all people even here?”
Silver stares. “Because, number one: you’re being a shut-in. Two: everyone’s worried about you. Three: we all know you’d turn everyone else away, so they sent me because I can just let myself in. I don’t need you to open the door.”
“I’m aware,” I sigh.
”So what’s going on with you? Why have you shut yourself in?” Silver demands. I would have never put him down as the confrontational type, but I guess I thought wrong.
I look behind him. I don’t want to answer. He wasn’t there, and clearly no one has told him, so he doesn’t need to know.
”Nothing,” I tell him.
Silver narrows his eyes at me. “You’re a liar, Shadow. You expect me to believe that and leave?”
”I was hoping you would take the hint that I don’t want to talk.”
”Too bad. I’m letting myself in, as you haven’t invited me in yet. Horrible manners, by the way, Shadow. We’ll have to talk about that too.” Silver floats his way over my head in into my house, glowing all the way. He is rather impressive when he does that, although I’d never tell him.
”You forced entry into my house!”