Chapter Text
Jade finds that despite the trek, his chest hurts more than her legs do. He’s trained hours upon hours before so a run across the city doesn’t hurt nearly as much as the emotional distress does. Even so, Jade still hesitates before she knocks on the front door. It’s a smaller home, Doug’s parents moved to a one storey place after Doug got his wheelchair, it’s easier that way. And it’s not as if they need the room for a larger place anyway. While the place is small, Jade knows it’s filled with enough knick knacks and keepsakes that sound doesn’t travel very well through it. Jade waits an extra minute before he knocks again. Unsurprisingly, it is Doug dad who answers the door.
He greets her kindly before leading him to where Doug is. Jade politely thanks him before entering Doug’s room so carefully he may as well be treading on eggshells. Doug does Not follow along with the act. Manoeuvring his wheelchair around to face Jade from his desk, his arms immediately cross over his chest only to sink back down again when he notices Jade’s expression. The conversation is heavy from there. There’s no light way to drop how badly your feelings for your best friend are affecting you, no delicate way to mention how you think you may have ruined everything. It takes Doug moving forward and forcefully making Jade sit down on the edge of his bed before Jade can even stop talking. For the first time in what feels like months, she takes a deep breath.
Then Doug is reaching forward a bit and placing a hand on her knee. He sighs a little. ‘It’s not what you think, bro.’ And Jade truly wishes he could smile at that, it does little to lighten the mood. ‘This whole thing between you two, it’s a big misunderstanding and I really wish you’d talk to each other about it first instead of running to me. In your case literally I take it.’ At Jade’s silence, he only continues. ‘You really need to talk to Summer, it’s not my place to say, man, but, you’ve got this all wrong. Everything you think is happening right now, is wrong. It’s not your fault you feel like this but your broken friendship Will be your fault if you don’t just talk to her, man. It’s not that hard.’ Jade tries to but in but is met with an unimpressed expression. ‘Besides, Summer broke up with the guy last week.’ The look of surprise on Jade’s face must be obvious because Doug looks incredulous. ‘Dude, didn’t you know this? I thought everyone did! She really didn’t tell you?’
He leans back in his chair and in an action that mimic’s Jade, he buries his face in his hands, though his action is more frustrated than Jade’s own, Jade is only lost. Doug lets his hands drop from his face and Jade can see his slight frown through her fingers when he doesn’t do the same. ‘Look, Jade’—He’s even more serious now—‘I can’t say much, there’s obviously a reason Summer hasn’t told you and I’m not going to break her trust but it was bad, and he hurt Summer a lot. You should honestly talk to her, she’s not feeling the best right now… he’s an asshole, Jade. And I know you guys are dancing around each other at the moment, but you’re her closest friend, man, she needs you right now.’
At that, Jade sucks in a breath, already feeling the guilt creep up her shoulders as everything weighs down on him. Because this whole time Jade has been jealous of this guy instead of being there for Summer when she needed him. And despite it all, Jade still cannot shake the upset feeling that clings to her all because Summer dated this guy and not her. It’s stupid and he’s stupid and Jade wants it to stop and she wants to just be happy Summer is safe from that guy, that she never has to see him again. But as conflicted as Jade feels, he knows Doug is right. She thanks him and with a hesitant goodbye Jade finds himself running all the way back to Summer’s house.
All the running is wearing on Jade though, because she can’t even focus on his surroundings, too busy trying to control her breathing to take in anything. Instead, Jade feels as though one moment he was at Doug’s house and the next she is standing in front of Summer’s door, trying to pull himself together before she sees Summer again. But now in front of Summer’s door, Jade can only feel dread pool in his stomach. And realistically, Summer wouldn’t push Jade away, there’s not any universe where she would, but Jade is still panicking a bit, is still hoping desperately that Summer Will let him in, that she won’t be turned away at the door. And it is selfish, Jade knows this, but he really just doesn’t want to fuck this up, and Doug has only made Jade scared that she has.
And then the door opens with no prompting and all of Jade’s fears vanish until he takes in Summer’s appearance and then her heart is aching for another reason. Summer… doesn’t look well. Somehow, despite her height, Summer looks so, so small. Her arms wrap around herself and she looks like she’s doing everything in her power to make herself smaller. What's worse is she looks like she’s been crying, there’s an unmistakable puffiness to her eyes and Jade can tell she’s doing everything in her power not to cry again now. Jade wants to reach forward and hold Summer close until the world feels right again, until Summer feels alright again. He doesn’t.
Instead, Jade stands there hesitating until she can’t take it any longer, until the silence between them is eerily similar to the space on the bus and the space on the couch and the space created between them over the last couple weeks.
‘Can I come in?’ Jade is shocked to find his voice sounds raw - she hasn’t even been crying. Summer’s only response is the subtle tightening of her arms around herself and the brimming of tears in her eyes until she takes a shaky breath and lets out a sob. In the smallest voice Jade has ever come out of Summer, she asks: ‘Can I just have a hug.’ Jade doesn’t think he’s fallen into a hug quicker.
And then they’re hugging and the world feels right again and Jade feels like she’s holding the world in his arms and Jade has never felt more at home anywhere than she does in Summer’s arms. Then Summer begins sobbing and Jade feels his heart break a little and the only natural thing in the world for Jade to do is hug her tighter, wrap her arms around Summer tight enough to protect her from all her problems, to stop them from happening at all, if only for a little bit. And eventually the sobbing stops, soft sniffling taking its place and still Jade holds her like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do.
Eventually the sniffles almost stop entirely, and when they do, Jade finally talks. Properly talks. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t know. I’m sorry for whatever he did, and I’m sorry for making things awkward between us. I’m sorry you’re hurting like this and I’m sorry I wasn’t there before when you needed me. You don’t need to forgive me, or say anything at all, I just need to apologise to you and say to your face that here on out it doesn’t matter whatever happens between us or how awkward it gets, I will always be here for you. You mean so, so much to me, I need you to know that. So, I’m just really sorry, Summer. And fuck that guy, I’m so fucking sorry that he’s a fucking asshole, you don’t deserve to date a prick like-’
‘Jade, please stop. It’s okay, I promise.’ Her tone isn’t convincing but as she steps out of Jade’s arms, her expression leaves nothing to argue with, it will be okay. Summer believes it will be okay so it will be. Jade finds he believes her wholeheartedly. Then a millisecond of hesitation crosses Summer’s face, like her next decision is life or death, like opening her mouth could change everything and she doesn’t want to. Summer opens her mouth and Jade knows exactly why everything has been so complicated, why Summer has been acting the way she has, and why every moment between them has felt like walking a tightrope.
‘I’m a lesbian. I dumped him because he’s an asshole, yes, but I also dumped him because… because I’m a lesbian. Gods I’ve never said that out loud before. But I am. …You made me realise I am. That’s why everything has been so… awkward. I don’t know how to act, I don’t know what to do. All my life I’ve tried to be this perfect girl but I don’t even like boys, Jade! And I know, I know it’s okay to not, but… I’ve just been scared, I guess. Scared of my feelings, of what they mean, of losing my best friend because I think I like her a little bit too much, I think I like you a little bit too much for a friend. I’m scared, Jade, I’m scared and I miss you.’ She lets out a let laugh and even despite the sadness clinging to the tone, Jade still thinks it’s one of the most beautiful sounds she’s heard. It takes a bit for Summer to continue, but eventually she continues, ‘I realise how stupid it is to say this on my doorway but I needed to tell you, even if I risk losing it all. Even if you hate me for this and for everything else. I just needed to say it, I needed to be honest because honestly, I think I’ve been lying to myself for a while now and I didn’t want to lie to you too…’
Jade’s silence lasts only as long as when fear begins to settle on Summer’s features. Then Jade is reaching out for Summer’s hands and hoping Summer can tell he means this with her entire chest, that she can feel every ounce of love Jade pours into his words.
‘You won’t lose me, Sunshine. You never could without me putting up a fight for it.’ Summer laughs and Jade’s chest feels a little warmer. ‘I’m so happy you’ve discovered this part of yourself, and I’m really happy you’re being honest. Thank you for telling me. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me and thank you for choosing yourself over that stupid boy. I love you, Summer, nothing could ever change that. You mean so much to me. So much that I don’t mind having this conversation in your doorway. I’d be here for you anywhere.’
They hug for a while there, both of them not quite ready to let the other go and Summer only pulls away when her limbs start to lock. She doesn’t stray far though, her hand remains outstretched waiting for Jade to take it. She takes it unflinchingly and just like that, Jade is kicking off his shoes and closing the door behind her. Following Summer, Jade becomes the moon trailing the sun; he loves her and she thinks Summer knows. Jade trails her and the look she gives him when she turns back leaves Jade breathless - her gaze is like stardust and Jade feels stupid she didn’t pick it up before: Summer loves him.
Summer loves Jade likes the sun loves the moon and it is obvious in every one of her movements now. It’s in her breathing, her steps, and the way she holds onto Jade’s hand until she and Summer make it to her room and Summer loves him still.
Then they lay down in Summer’s bed like they are two celestial bodies who have finally stopped dancing around each other and Summer confesses every little thing she’s felt for Jade like a whispered song. And Jade doesn’t kiss her, not properly, but she does littler her face with gentle kisses until he knows Summer knows she feels the same. And just for good measure, he tells her too and the smile she sees in response could rival the beauty of everything in Prime. Not many words are exchanged after that but none really need to be. They just face each other, holding each other's hands until the afternoon begins to fade away.
When Summer’s tears flow again Jade cradles her face and brushes each away with a gentle thumb until Summer is shifting forward, burning her face in the crook of Jade’s neck and breathing tearful I love you’s until there's no denying exactly what Summer means. And Jade feels a little stupid, of course he does, who wouldn’t? Jade feels stupid for her jealousy and for his hesitancy to talk to Summer in the first place. Right now though Jade pushes this all to the side, she can tell Summer later, for now, he only presses a kiss to the top of Summer’s head and lets herself feel the love he’s had for Summer this whole time - let’s herself accept Summer has felt the same way too for a while. It’s not some magical solution, not everything can be fixed in one day, but it’s a start. And though a whispered confession doesn’t mean they’re together yet, Jade is willing to let himself hope.
Summer Dileo does not like a boy, she never has. Summer Dileo likes Jade Ngô, and Summer’s known this for a while, even if she was too scared to admit it. Jade just took a while to realise.