Chapter Text
Rachel
Hiram looks between Rachel and Quinn, eyes narrowed. Rachel gives him a meaningful look . The last time Quinn stayed over after her dads came back from work was over a year ago, and Rachel had been too nervous to introduce them at the time. Quinn had stayed in Rachel’s room the whole time, not even coming out for dinner. Rachel had brought it upstairs.
She’d had a lot of explaining to do the next day.
“So.” LeRoy clears his throat. “ You’re Quinn Fabray?”
“Uh. Yes.” Quinn glances at Rachel, biting her lip before nodding. “It’s great to meet you, Mr Berry.”
LeRoy smiles tightly, but Hiram’s expression remains stony. Rachel kicks him under the table and he forces a smile.
“The pleasure’s ours,” he says finally. “We’ve heard a lot about you.”
Rachel feels herself flushing.
“Oh.” Mercifully, Quinn doesn’t probe further. “Yeah, same here.”
“We’re honoured to be graced with your presence,” Hiram says sardonically.
Quinn shoots Rachel a bewildered look. Rachel tries to offer her a consoling smile. “Dad,” she warns quietly.
“I’m just saying, the last time -”
“So!” LeRoy says brightly. “How long have you two been friends?”
“A couple years now,” Rachel retorts immediately. “We started hanging out because of glee.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you both earlier,” Quinn says placidly. “I was, um, going through some stuff last year.”
“Stuff,” Hiram echoes, raising his eyebrows. “I see.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure how much Rachel’s told you, but I really wasn't at my best.”
“I didn’t tell them anything about last year,” Rachel clarifies quickly.
“Oh.” Quinn shrugs. “I guess the point is I'm here now. And I’m really glad to finally be meeting you both.”
LeRoy bobs his head enthusiastically. “More hummus?”
The rest of the dinner is painfully awkward, with long stretches of uneasy silence. Rachel scarfs down her lasagna as fast as she can and drags Quinn upstairs before her parents start their nightly post-dinner karaoke session.
Quinn grins at her. “That was fun.”
“I am so sorry about them,” Rachel rushes. “They can be so overprotective -”
“Rachel, breathe.” Quinn laughs.
Rachel tries to smile back. She’s bubbling over with anxiety. “They haven’t met any of my friends in years, I think they’re still getting used to -”
“Babe, hey,” Quinn interrupts, leaning forward to press a kiss to Rachel’s cheek. “I loved meeting your dads.”
Rachel’s heart feels like it’s ready to jump out of her throat. Her head is spinning. “Did you just -” Her voice comes out squeaky, and she clears her throat, cheeks burning. “Did you call me babe ?”
“I did.” Quinn ducks her head, but there’s an unmistakable blush on her cheeks. “Was that weird?”
“No!” Rachel says, way too quickly. “I liked it.”
Quinn sinks down on Rachel’s bed, pulling Rachel down next to her. “Noted.”
“I still need to do my nighttime ritual,” Rachel reminds her. “It’s kind of extensive.”
“I remember.” Quinn’s lips quirk. “Maybe I could, uh, join you tonight.”
Rachel gives her a look. “Really.”
“Yeah, maybe I wanna know how your skin is so…” She plants a kiss on Rachel’s nose, running her thumb up and down her cheek. Her eyes are trained on Rachel's lips. “Soft.”
Rachel is going to pass out.
And then Quinn is pulling Rachel into the bathroom, tugging down the straps of her own dress and shrugging it off as she slips into the bathtub, dragging Rachel unceremoniously on top of her. Rachel barely has the time to process the sight of Quinn in nothing but her underwear before she lands on Quinn's soft stomach abruptly and feels the straps of her own dress sliding off her shoulders, one after the other. Quinn yanks it down with the practiced elegance of a girl who's done this a hundred times before. Before she can fully comprehend it, she realizes she is fully naked on top of Quinn Fabray.
She turns back to find Quinn not even attempting to hide her shameless gaze as she drinks in Rachel's body appreciatively.
Rachel swallows thickly. “Quinn…”
Quinn’s eyes dart up from her breasts to meet her eyes. She studies them for a few seconds before her gaze flickers back down, a hint of a smile on her face. “You start with a bath, right?”
“Well, usually I shower -”
“Right.” Quinn grabs the hand shower off the stand from behind them and turns it on. She winces. “Oh, wow, it’s freezing. How warm do you usually -”
Rachel grabs it from her and turns the dial, grinning. “That should be fine.”
“Thank you, my lady.” Rachel giggles. Quinn smirks as she tilts her head to study Rachel’s collection of products. She runs her fingers over the bottles and finally pauses at a small violet one. “Night berry?”
Rachel stares at her incredulously. “How did you know?”
Quinn’s smile widens. Wordlessly, she squeezes Rachel’s favourite shower gel onto her palm and then starts massaging her collarbones with it.
A quiet sigh escapes Rachel without her meaning it to, but fuck, she feels like her whole body is quietly vibrating with electricity concentrated at Quinn’s fingertips. She leans back further into Quinn, allowing herself to slide most of her body down under the surface of the water and wrapping Quinn’s legs around her.
Quinn runs her hands down Rachel’s arms and then back up, scratching and scrubbing at her body with her soap-covered fingers. Rachel arcs her neck backward and exhales, and Quinn locks her arms around her, kissing her on the shoulder.
“Quinn - oh!” Rachel gasps as she feels Quinn’s teeth sinking into her skin. “Jesus - oh, wow.”
Quinn raises her head from Rachel’s shoulder and tilts Rachel’s chin to look straight at her, hazel eyes wide with concern. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” Rachel bobs her head furiously. “Yeah, you just caught me off guard.”
Quinn nods and lies back, squeezing Rachel’s breasts as she resumes leaving open-mouthed kisses down her shoulder. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.”
Rachel shivers. “I think you might be getting a little sidetracked,” she teases.
“Huh,” Quinn hums, threading shampoo through Rachel’s hair with her fingers intently. “It’s not my fault you’re so distracting.”
Rachel rolls her eyes playfully. “Smooth.”
“I wish we could stay like this forever,” Quinn murmurs.
“This is pretty nice,” Rachel agrees. “Even if we’re way behind schedule.”
Quinn’s about to retort when someone raps against the bathroom door, hard. “Honey?”
Rachel feels Quinn’s entire body stiffen underneath her. She can feel her heartbeat racing against her back, and Rachel feels her own heart skip a beat.
Instinctively, she covers Quinn’s mouth with her right hand, sitting up. “Dad?”
“I came upstairs to wish you good night, but uh…” Hiram’s voice is strained. “Where’s your friend?”
She meets Quinn’s panicked eyes. “Dad, we’re moisturizing,” Rachel yells. “Quinn wanted to try my cream.”
There’s a beat of silence. Rachel’s heart hammers in her chest.
“Okay, honey!” Hiram calls back finally. “I’m heading to bed!”
Quinn’s breath is hot against her hand.
“Good night!”
They’re completely still for about thirty seconds. Rachel finally drops her hand once her father’s footsteps have completely receded, and Quinn exhales.
“That was -” Rachel starts.
“I didn’t bring pajamas,” Quinn says at the same time.
They stare at each other for about five seconds before exploding into giggles. “I can lend you a pair,” Rachel says finally. She lowers her gaze. “You don’t sleep in your bra, do you?”
Quinn raises her eyebrows, lips twitching. Wordlessly, she turns around and pushes her hair in front of her shoulder to let Rachel unhook her.
Rachel’s hands shake as she unclasps Quinn’s bra. Quinn shrugs off the straps and turns back around, eyes twinkling under the LED lights of Rachel’s bathroom. “Let’s moisturize.”
-
Quinn
They made bets about who would fall asleep first, and Quinn has to hand it to Rachel: she holds out way longer than Quinn expected her to, considering she usually clocks out by 10 pm. It feels like one of those nights that could go on forever, with just the two of them, talking and laughing and lost in each other in their little bubble, untouchable to the rest of the world. Still, predictably, Rachel gives in first, and Quinn’s left alone with her thoughts and her girlfriend snoring on her shoulder in the wee hours of the morning. Quinn looks at her fondly and smiles to herself, chest warm.
She feels way too giddy to fall asleep, and the giddiness slowly transforms into an uncomfortable restlessness as the hours crawl by. When the sky begins to lighten and Quinn still hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep, she lightly sets Rachel’s head onto a pillow and decides to venture downstairs to get a drink of water.
“You’re up early.”
Quinn startles. Hiram Berry stands before her, eyes narrowed.
Quinn smiles uncertainly. There’s something foreboding about him. Quinn can sense that he doesn’t like her very much, even if she isn’t entirely sure why. “Good morning, Mr Berry.”
“I’m glad you’re up, actually.” He clears his throat, gesturing for her to sit down. “I’ve been meaning to have a little chat.”
“Oh.” Quinn reminds herself that he’s gay. He isn’t going to come onto her. Still, she can’t help but feel extremely unnerved. She forces herself to regulate her breathing. “Yes?”
Hiram gets straight to the point. “You’re the girl who used to leave those vicious, hateful comments on my daughter’s videos.”
Quinn feels her heart sink. “I…”
“Don’t try to deny it.” Hiram’s mouth is a firm line. “She’d never let me report you, but I remember.”
Quinn swallows. “I - I used to be a very different person,” she manages finally. “I know I hurt your daughter, but I promise I’m extremely sorry and I’d do anything -”
“Just tell me the truth.” Hiram sighs. “There’s something going on between the two of you, isn’t there?”
Quinn’s chest plummets. “Wha - what do you mean?”
Hiram gives her a hard look. “You know what I mean.”
He knows. Quinn has to look away from his piercing gaze, because it's too much. There's no point denying it.
And so, in a split second decision, Quinn decides to be honest. This wasn't part of the plan, but he knows too much, and Quinn needs him to hear it from her. Needs him to understand how serious she is. How much Rachel means to her and how committed she is to not fucking this up . She feels like she's about to dive off a cliff, but this is a man who loves Rachel more than anything else in the world, and Quinn suddenly, desperately needs him to understand.
“Fine.” She meets his terrifying gaze, setting her jaw. She's not backing down. What does she have to lose? It's Rachel's father. She hasn't spoken to her own father in years. This could be her small way of being brave, for the girl she loves. “I'm in love with your daughter.”
A series of complicated emotions crosses Hiram's face. “What?”
Quinn's heart plummets. Fuck. Did she read him wrong? She considers backtracking, but she can't think of a way to finesse herself out of this now. She has to stand her ground. “I love Rachel,” she says quietly. “I love her more than I've ever loved anything in my life, and I would do anything to make her happy.”
“I…” Hiram gapes at her. Quinn forces herself not to look away. Hiram frowns. “So you're, what, dating?”
“Uh.” Quinn bites her lip. “I don't - well, I think so.”
“I really thought you were just fooling around,” he mutters. He looks aghast. “At most. But wasn't she pining after that boy? Finn?”
Quinn sighs. “It's complicated.”
“But Rachel tells us everything.” He looks shell shocked. “There’s no way we would’ve missed - ah, LeRoy!” Quinn whips her head up, and sure enough, LeRoy Berry is standing at the doorway.
“Good morning,” LeRoy beams. “I see we’re up early?”
“LeRoy.” Hiram clears his throat. “The girl has something to say.”
He gives Quinn a hard look. She swallows. “Right, yeah. I didn’t mean for you to find out this way, because we’re still figuring things out, but…”
“Figuring things out,” Hiram interrupts. “What does that mean?”
“I’m sorry.” LeRoy looks at Hiram. “ What is going on?”
“Our Rachel is dating this girl!” Hiram explodes. He lowers his voice, gesturing to Quinn. “She’s claiming that she's in love with our daughter.”
“Huh?” LeRoy rubs his eyes. “But what about Finn?”
Hiram shakes his head. “You’re asking me.”
LeRoy frowns, glancing at Quinn. “But isn’t she…”
“Yes!” Hiram exclaims.
LeRoy inhales, turning to Quinn. “How long has this been going on?”
“Well, we aren’t exactly dating yet, because we still have to break things off with Finn, but it’s pretty much -”
“How exactly is Finn involved in this?”
“He’s not,” Quinn says firmly. “I mean, he’s not going to be.” She takes a deep breath, trying to steady herself to explain. “We did both date him, but I never actually liked him, and -”
“Look, Quinn,” Hiram interrupts.
“Hiram…” LeRoy starts.
“No, LeRoy, let me talk to her.” Hiram shakes his head, turning back to Quinn. “Can I be honest with you?”
Quinn’s heart is racing at a hundred miles an hour. She feels sick to her stomach with anxiety. She doesn’t know how much Rachel’s dads know about their history, but something tells her this can’t be good. “Yes, of course.”
“I don’t trust you with my daughter.”
“Hiram!” LeRoy exclaims.
“LeRoy, this is the girl that bullied our daughter for years.” Hiram’s expression is livid. “You know Rachel is too forgiving -”
“People can change, Hiram,” LeRoy says quietly.
“Yeah, apparently,” he says bitterly. He makes eye contact with Quinn. “Okay, I’ll level with you.”
Quinn’s heart sinks.
“My daughter has a lot of love in her heart,” Hiram says. “She’s kind, and forgiving, and loves with the intensity of a supernova. She feels things deeply, and gives everything to the people she loves.”
Quinn nods. “Yeah, I know.”
“Good.” Hiram smiles, but there’s no warmth to it. “So you understand my concerns, as her father, when the girl who made her life miserable throughout high school waltzes into our home one day and claims she wants to be the person my daughter gives her heart to?”
Quinn sighs. “I do.”
“Do you honestly think you deserve her?” Hiram asks. “After the lifetime of insecurities you’ve given my daughter. After making her feel worthless, never good enough and too much at once. Do you actually trust yourself to protect her heart?”
Quinn opens her mouth, but she can’t bring herself to speak. He’s right. Quinn knows she doesn’t deserve Rachel, however much she tries to shove their past under the rug and tell herself she’s better now. She can’t erase the years of cruelty she put Rachel through. And it still affects Rachel. Quinn knows it does.
“I know I don’t,” she says finally. “But Rachel wants to be with me, and I know I’m going to do my best to make her happy as long as that’s what she wants.”
Hiram sighs. “Rachel thinks that’s what she wants.”
LeRoy frowns. “Hiram, really?”
“Of course Rachel wants the validation of the bully that made her feel worthless for years. It’s only natural.” Hiram looks at Quinn, and his eyes finally soften. “I know you’re trying to be better. And I’m glad you are.”
Quinn nods, her chin trembling.
“But I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to get involved with my daughter romantically.” Hiram shrugs. “I can’t stop you, but if you really care about Rachel, you’ll trust that I know what’s best for her as her father.”
Quinn frowns. “Better than she does?”
“Unfortunately, in this case, yes,” Hiram sighs. LeRoy looks down at his shoes. “You’re both teenage girls. You’re driven excessively by your hormones. You’ve made Rachel feel unloveable for years. You dated the boy she was in love with. It’s very common for teenagers in abusive dynamics to crave the affections of the people who hurt them as a substitute for their poor self-esteem.”
Quinn’s head is spinning. Bully. Abusive. He really thinks…
“Do you really think Rachel’s healed from everything you put her through?”
Quinn thinks back to the nose job Rachel wanted to get two weeks back because of her. She knows the answer, as much as it hurts her to admit.
“Can I…” Quinn’s voice breaks. “Can I at least stay friends with her?”
“Of course.” Hiram smiles sadly. “I appreciate you listening, Quinn. Just…let her down easy, okay?”
“Yeah,” Quinn mumbles. “I will.”
-
She intends to slip out of the house before Rachel wakes up, leaving a note beside her pillow and kissing her forehead one last time. She looks so peaceful. Quinn's heart aches.
Unfortunately, Rachel catches her downstairs before she can leave.
“Quinn.” Her eyes are bleary. “Where are you going? It's 6 am.”
Quinn doesn’t meet her eyes. “Did you see the note I left you?”
Rachel folds her arms across her chest and knits her eyebrows together. “No?”
Quinn takes a shaky breath. She doesn’t know how to do this. She can’t bear to be the reason Rachel breaks. Not after last night.
Didn’t bother her all those years she tortured her.
She knows Hiram is right. Rachel is too good for her, but she'll never be able to see it. She'll never be able to see herself the way Quinn does. As someone who deserves the whole world.
She'll never let go of Quinn because she'll never see herself as worthy of better. Because Quinn made sure she'll never see herself as worthy of better, not as long as she's here, with Quinn rubbing salt into her wounds over and over before they get a chance to heal.
And Quinn...Quinn can't give her the world, as much as she wants to. Quinn is doomed to a life as a Lima loser, working paycheck to paycheck. Crying herself to sleep every night, knowing she let the love of her life go because she'll never be enough for the girl with dreams big enough to barrel through the sky and shine brighter than the sun. That she ruined any chance she had of happiness.
“Can we…talk?”
Rachel’s eyes widen with concern. “Is everything okay?”
“Just - I’ll tell you. Can we go upstairs?”
“Okay.” Rachel grabs Quinn’s hand and starts to head upstairs. “But Quinn, you’re worrying me.”
Quinn shuts the door behind them, sighing. “I love you.”
“Quinn.” Rachel frowns.
Say it back say it back say it back say it back say it back say it back say it -
“What’s wrong?”
She doesn’t say it back.
Quinn has said it a handful of times, and it took all her courage to get the words out each time. She knows she means it, too, which should ideally make things easier.
Except Rachel hasn’t said it back once.
Quinn’s been trying not to think about it, but after her talk with Hiram, it’s hard not to read into it. Does Rachel love her? Or is Quinn’s love for her simply a salve to validate the years of insecurities she left there?
Quinn's voice breaks. “Please don’t hate me.”
“I could never hate you,” Rachel replies immediately.
“I don’t think we should be together.”
Rachel’s jaw slackens. “What?”
“I’m sorry for doing this now,” Quinn says, every word too heavy on her tongue. “I should’ve - I shouldn’t have acted the way I did last night.” She forces herself to maintain eye contact, to look Rachel in the eye as she says the words that feel like they’re tearing her apart from the inside. “What I did - what we did was a mistake.”
“But - I thought we were finally in a good place!” Rachel exclaims. “Are you saying that…” Tears pool in Rachel’s eyes. “Am I unattractive to you?”
“No!” Quinn says quickly. “No, fuck, Rachel, you’re beautiful. I want…” You. All of you. She swallows. “But I don’t think either of us are in a place to fully grasp the…emotional baggage that comes with laying ourselves so bare to each other right now.” Quinn swipes at her eyes, hating herself for how quickly the tears form. “Does that make sense?”
“So you’re saying…” Rachel gives her a long look. “Do you want to go back to taking things slow?”
“Yes. I mean, kind of.” Quinn tries for a smile. “Um, I think we should stay friends.”
Rachel’s eyebrows shoot up. “Friends.”
Quinn nods. “Yeah.”
“So are you still breaking up with Finn, or…?”
“I...yes?" Quinn didn't think that far. "I don’t know,” she mumbles. “I just…I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have.”
Rachel scoffs. “Well, newsflash, that’s sort of exactly what you’re doing right now.”
Quinn winces. She finally breaks eye contact, unable to face Rachel any longer. “I’m sorry.”
“You touched every inch of my body last night,” Rachel whispers. “Fuck. I let you…”
“I shouldn’t have done that.” Quinn exhales. “I fucked up. I don’t think either of us were ready to…” She trails off, unable to complete the sentence. I’m sorry,” she repeats, helplessly.
And Rachel’s face crumbles.
Quinn rushes forward to wrap her arms around her, but Rachel steps back. “I think you should go.”
“Rachel -”
“It’s fine, Quinn, okay?” Rachel shoves her aside. “I’ll get over it. I knew it was too good to be true anyway.” She forces a watery smile. “Yeah, great, we’re friends. Awesome.”
“That’s not -”
“I just need some space from you.”
Quinn stares at her, heartbroken. “Okay.” She’s doing this for Rachel’s own good. She’s putting Rachel first and she’s not being selfish for once in her pathetic fucking life, and the least she can do is stay strong for the both of them. “I’ll see you at school.”
-