Chapter Text
“Stay right there, ok? I’ll be right back”
Hoseok said, sitting Jimin on a couch as if he was an ill-behaved child. The couch was really comfortable though, soft and inviting. The whole apartment had this friendly feeling, it was small but well-furnished and clean. Everything seemed in place without giving out a don’t touch anything sense, really seemed like a good place to hang out after school.
No, Jimin shook the thought off, because this was Hoseok. He wondered if Yoongi also found the place this comfortable, wondered if he came by after work, and knew he wouldn’t like the answer. The older had brought Jimin to his place because he wouldn’t be taken to a hospital, he woudn’t. Jimin almost screamed when Hoseok insisted that he needed to be taken care of, and would refuse to give his address so at least he could be walked home. Thus, Hoseok said that he would be taking Jimin to his own place in such a firm voice that Jimin just stood quiet and let himself be taken along the way.
He looked at his wrist. It was only throbbing a little now, but the man still wouldn’t let him go. What did he think when he found Jimin sitting outside a café, laughing at his own open skin? From all Jimin knew about the other, he was a happy person that always tried to lighten the mood and cheer people up, that’s why everyone liked him. Why Yoongi liked him. That was enough reason for Jimin to actually hate the other, he didn’t care they had never met. Jimin watched his dance videos and heard words about him from Yoongi; that was enough material to make up the image of a fake, annoying and possessive Hoseok, and though it was distorted, he wouldn’t look at it another way.
But now the guy was trying to help and turning Jimin’s life more difficult for making it a little harder to dislike him.
“Hey, I came back. How are you?”
He carried a first-aid case. Sitting down, he took the boy’s left hand into his own to examine the wounds better.
Jimin didn’t even try to conceal his cold burning gaze.
“I’m okay now, I don’t see why this is necessary.”
“Ah, yes, I’ll believe you’re okay. C’mon, kid, you were self-harming while having a hysterical attack, do you think you’re alright?”
Jimin kept quiet, looking at his wrist be treated. He realized his hand was shaking a little, figured he probably looked like a pathetic attention-seeking kid. Of course he knew he wasn’t alright, but having Hoseok take care of him wouldn’t really make things better, because he didn’t want to feel any more of a burden, and for the first time he felt bad for hating Hoseok (though only for one second).
“I… I have to go. I uh, thank you for, um, this” He showed his bandaged hand.
I don’t need your pity.
“What, you think you’re leaving? No no, not yet, you have to get strong again. I’ll make some soup, you can stay there if you want, you can also watch TV, feel at home.” He smiled and headed to the little kitchen that was separated from the living room by a counter.
“Feels like I’m a hostage.”
“You’re like a soup hostage. You can’t leave till you have some.”
“Can you even cook?” Jimin took off his jacket and placed it by his side, then started looking for the remote. He had the impression that Yoongi had once told him Hoseok wasn’t a good cook, but he never thought about the day he would find out for himself.
“Jin-hyung always makes this. It should turn out fine”
Jimin turned on the TV and lied down on the couch. There was some western music video and a calm song. Suddenly the weight of fatigue crashed down on him at the same time that the softness of the couch embraced him, covered himself in his own jacket as the music filled his ears along to Hoseok’s humming to the tune, and before he even realized, he was already asleep.
X
Yoongi called early in the morning. The rough voice gave Jimin the impression he hadn’t slept well, or hadn’t slept at all; he didn’t say much, asked if they could meet during Jimin’s break in school.
It was actually scary. Yoongi would say they couldn’t meet anymore, and it was Jimin’s own fault.
Taehyung confronted the boy as of why he was spacing out so much, that’s when he said Yoongi was coming. When break finally arrived, his friend winked at him and smiled, and Jimin was glad.
They met at the benches in front of school. Jimin never seemed to have any problem getting out of the school property, if he went out quietly. Sometimes, when Yoongi had the time, he would walk Jimin home, even though it was rather far, they enjoyed the walk together. Other times Yoongi would just show up during break and text Jimin with a Hey, meet me outside, which always succeeded in leaving a smile stamped on Jimin’s face for the rest of the day.
And never mind the choir meeting today, because Yoongi was first priority. Taehyung could just make up some story for him.
He spotted the blonde sitting crossed legged on the bench close to some trees, concentrated on nothing in specific. Everything else vanished from his mind, because Yoongi was in front of him and Jimin just could not contain a smile.
“Hey” Yoongi said sweetly. There were bags under his eyes that were deeper than usual, confirming Jimin’s theory about the lack of sleep.
“So” Jimin made a movement as to sit down, and Yoongi moved a bit to the side.
“So” Yoongi repeated, looking at the floor and fidgeting with his fingers, inclined frontwards and evidencing his bad posture. “About yesterday. I was horrible, I know. I was pissed, I ended up hurting you and I just felt really bad about myself afterwards. And while I was doing that. And also before that. Basically, I knew I was being an asshole and that’s actually awful, right?
You said you didn’t know what Taehyung was doing, but I knew what I was doing, and that’s worse. Guess I can be a shit, even bigger then you were. Because you play innocent, but you know that it was wrong too, don’t you?”
Yoongi sighed, probably relieved he finally released his night of thinking. He had been honest, and the boy couldn’t form coherent phrases to reply. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but as he stood quiet for a little too long, Yoongi’s nervous voice broke in again.
“So, if you think we shouldn’t- see each other anymore-”
“Yoongi.” He stopped holding his breath, and waited for the boy to look at him. “I still want to see you. I’ll always want to see you. It really isn’t what you think, You know how he is, at first I actually thought it was a joke, but he continued and I guess I just went along? But I didn’t know about Kookie, I swear. I still don’t know why he did that. I don’t even know how to explain, but it was my birthday and you were ignoring me the whole week.”
“Ignoring you?” The words seemed to have crashed upon him, as if it had been all Jimin had said. “I wasn’t ignoring you, Jimin. I had work, a lot of work. And not just that, you know what Hoseok’s been going through, I had to stay by him. I replied to your texts when I could, but I wasn’t ignoring you. I wouldn’t do that.”
It was starting to get frustrating how Jimin knew that he was wrong. Yoongi regretted what he had done, while Jimin hadn’t. A wave of bitterness exploded inside the younger’s body in a way he knew he wouldn’t control. Because it was again Hoseok and though Jimin knew he was in no place to be angry, he was. He was angry because Yoongi was capable of being a decent human being, and Jimin wasn’t.
“Well, how would I know? You just didn’t talk to me, you were with your boyfriend instead, right? When Hoseok is there, you don’t really need me, do you?”
Yoongi was quiet again. Looked at Jimin with disbelief, which both made the younger proud for receiving the attention and made him feel like shit, because now Yoongi would feel like shit. Or be mad. But he was a little surprised that Yoongi’s voice wasn’t a storm, rather, it was just like a deep echo.
“Jimin, you’re acting like a child. You know that Hoseok’s sister is in the hospital and you know that I can’t just leave him there alone. You’re being really selfish here, what if it was Taehyung, would you not stay by him? Or me? There are things that are complicated and I thought you understood that.”
Disappointment. It was too clear in Yoongi’s voice, because he really had expected Jimin to understand that some things are just complicated. But what if they weren’t? Things don’t need to be complicated. And he knew that Yoongi wasn’t breaking up with Hoseok after dating the boy for years now, especially not for him, but even so.
Even so.
Yoongi wouldn’t break up for Jimin, and the boy had known that ever since whatever was going on between them had started.
It was a little weird, in fact. They had never gone too far, they had never shared a real kiss, but they were always a little closer than they should be. They held hands when they went out, they watched movies and cuddled in bed when Jimin slept over. They texted and sent hearts, they winked and hugged, and once Jimin even stole a peck from Yoongi’s closed lips. He thought the older would me mad, but he just looked at Jimin and tried to conceal a giggle.
Then there was Hoseok.
Hoseok was Yoongi’s actual, official boyfriend, together for almost three years now (though it was probably only the ‘official’ counting). They had known each other since middle school.
Jimin wasn’t trying to steal Yoongi away, because there was no way to.
“Ah, no, I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. Sorry, ok? I just got jealous because he got to spend time with you. I know it must have been harsh, and I shouldn’t want to keep you from your own things, especially as bad as it is. I know it’s bad for you.”
“No, actually, I’m a little... I ask a lot of you too. We’re almost like lovers, but we’re not. We can’t be.”
“Well, did you want to be?”
Their eyes locked for a moment.
In the next, their mouths desperately called for each other, tongues fought in between bites.
“How was make out session with your not-boyfirend?”
“Tae!” Jeongguk slapped the boys arm, but the other just giggled.
“W-what are you talking about”
“Don’t think I’m stupid. You were going to meet him and you skipped the period after break. Also, your mouth is kinda swollen and your hair’s a mess. like, really messy. Very, very messy.”
Jimin ran a hand through his hair trying to fix it as he sat down on his table, burying his head between his arms. Taehyung pushed a chair to the other edge of Jimin’s desk, sharing it with Jeongguk.
“Hey, your sworn enemy just released a new dance video. Wanna watch?”
Jimin looked up.
Hoseok. The image of the dancer crossed his mind: Before meeting him, all he would ever think about was a boy with a smile too big to be real, holding his Yoongi. Now he thought about the moment when the man came up to an abandoned Jimin on the street, the moment he took him home and let him sleep there.
He thought about how the apartment was comfortable, about the soft couch, about…The jacket he had left there. Fuck.
He could have just texted and asked for it back, as the man insisted on putting his number on Jimin’s phone, telling him to text as soon as he got home, or whenever he needed anything. It would have been easy, if Jimin hadn’t deleted the contact in the moment he got home.
He didn’t reply Taehyung, but Hoseok was already dancing on the phone’s screen.
“Shit” And he buried his head in the desk once again.
x
There he was again.
When Jimin had left the apartment he didn’t really think he would ever come back. He didn’t want to see the man’s smile ever again, it was too unsettling. It was better to keep on having his twisted view of a fake smile instead of knowing it was sweet and genuine. And though the atmosphere of the place crossed his mind sometimes, he tried to forget the warm feeling it had given him.
Why was Jung Hoseok so difficult to hate?
Jimin pressed the bell. He waited, pressed again, and nothing. He hadn’t thought about the fact that Hoseok actually worked(and in the same building as Yoongi). The boy waited for a few minutes more, just to be sure Hoseok wasn’t just in the bathroom or something, but ended up leaving.
When he went again, Hoseok soonly opened the door. He looked a bit confused for a moment, his brain still recognizing the face in front of him. And when it finally hit him it was the self-harm boy, he screamed.
“JIMINNIE! Oh my god you never called or texted and you didn’t give me your number and it’s been days! You could even be dead and I wouldn’t know I was so worried!”
Jimin didn’t get why the man cared weather he was actually dead or not, didn’t get why Hoseok would fill his mind worrying about a random boy he found on the street. And though Jimin kind of wanted to think the man’s words were untrue, they really seemed sincere.
“Yeah I forgot my jacket here”
“You worried the hell out of me and came back for your jacket. You’re worthless” Jimin felt a light punch on his shoulder as Hoseok looked at him tenderly, as if Jimin was his child to take care of.
You’re worthless, repeated a twisted voice inside his mind, but Jimin just pretended he didn’t hear.
“You’re coming in, and you’ll give me your number. I told you to text me, why didn’t you?”
“Phone didn’t save it, somehow”
“Oh? Well, at least you came back here and now I know you’re alright. Let’s save it properly this time!”
Thus he texted Jimin just to make sure the number would be saved on both phones. Really awesome, the younger thought. They sat in the couch and watched TV, as Hoseok wouldn’t let him go without having a conversation about personal matters of which Jimin really wasn’t interested.
“Also, since you’re here today, you’ll have a surprise” He smiled “Do you know Min Yoongi, the rapper?”
Oh no, he thought.
Hoseok’s eyes filled with happiness as he mentioned the name, his smile grew even bigger. It made Jimin shrink, and he could only nod.
“Well, he’s coming here today, so you’ll be able to meet him! Awesome, right?! I get the feeling you would get along”
God please no.
I need to leave.
Jimin tried not to look desperate, tried to keep his lungs from hyperventilating.
“I-it would be great but I really have to go right now, I’m actually late already. Maybe some other day, ok? I really have to go.”
“Don’t be shy, Jiminnie, he won’t bite you”
“No, I really should get goi-“
Jimin heard a sound from the corridor. He stared at the door and freezed, hoping it was his imagination, hoping he’d have time before Yoongi arrived.
But life was still a bitch to him, as always.
Hoseok playfully jumped towards the door, smile stamped on his face.
Jimin’s body was made of stone.
The door opened and it seemed as if time was running slowly.
Gripped hard on his forgotten jacket.
Yoongi’s smile as he saw Hoseok’s was just as bright. It was gentle and warm and very subtle, but it was there.
It wasn’t Jimin’s.
And when he went inside and their gazes locked, the world was surely crumbling down.