Chapter Text
Chapter 5
There was a large, dark forest surrounding her castle. What used to be her castle.
Giant ageless trees rose up higher than Natalie could ever see, as if touching the very sky itself. At night, the branches seemed to join the stars, connecting this world and the stars in the most gorgeous way.
She used to love this forest, used to long for its earthy smell when she was busy training. The castle had been so quiet compared to the life inside here. Birds chirped during the night and sang during the day. Wolves howled somewhere far away, close enough to set one on edge but far enough way to be assured of safety.
Once upon a time, this forest had been her and Fergus' playground. Countless days had been lost in it, imagining horror stories of giant spiders, werewolves, and bloodthirsty Dalish Elves.
The truth was that Humans were worse. So much worse.
A faint orange glow from behind cast her shadow ahead. She swallowed the dysphoria from seeing her body shape and kept running. Lissa kept just behind her, reminding her to maintain the speed up with a few small nips when she slowed down.
Her heartbeat was as loud in her ears as the men shouting orders behind her. Fear bubbled in her stomach as her last meal attempted to flee it.
She stopped as it got its wish. The sick would leave a trail for them, but it was better than running and hoping it wouldn't escape.
"He's this way!" A voice shouted from behind her.
Lissa howled and pulled Natalie's arm, they had to keep moving. If she stayed still she was dead, if she wasn't quick enough she was dead. Howe's men would comb the forest for her, then the roads, then the cities. A surviving Cousland would destroy his plans.
She had to hide.
A memory flashed in her head, and she knew where she could go.
There was a small village half a day's ride to her south. Loyal to the Cousland's and safe. Harper's Ford, her father had freed them from an Orlesian and Howe occupation during the rebellion. They would never give someone up to Howe.
Even if they thought she was just a servant.
Bryce Cousland had two sons, she could never explain why she was a woman to the common folk, and she couldn't live as a son any longer.
Maker, guide her. This was going to be the worst few nights of her life.
She was fortunate that she remembered to add gold to her pack as she fled her home. As fortunate as one in her situation could be at least.
Twenty sovereigns to her name, pocket change for a Cousland, but Natalie couldn't be a Cousland any longer. She needed a new name, a strong name, her name. Natalie something, Maker, knows what.
She'd cross that bridge when she came to it.
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The forest was practically alive as the sun rose. The birds sang to Natalie as she strolled out from the trees. No matter what, she was a lady, and a lady had etiquette. She would not run, not now. She had spent the night running.
Her charm would be her weapon, it was near as sharp as her sword but would be more useful in this village than steel.
Her home was built with royal stone, an ancient building to stand the test of time and outlive any forest. This small village was poor timber. It would barely outlast her lifetime never mind a tree.
"Stranger approaches!" A voice shouted out before her, from a small lacklustre watchtower. She could have snuck in if she had desired, it was pitiful.
Lissa growled as an armed man stepped past the bare tower. His leather armour looked worse for wear, but he smiled warmly and that was more disarming than any master strike.
"Hello there, M'lady, what brings such a heavily armed…" Natalie stepped closer and he stuttered. Looking her up and down before he continued. "Woman here?"
He knows. Natalie, you fucking idiot. Of course he does.
"I worked in Castle Cousland, Ser, they've been attacked and I'm ashamed to say I fled for my life." She spattered. The Maker had gifted her with an exceptionally high voice for a man, now she was herself she hoped it was enough to pass. "I have money, I was hoping I could stay here."
"Attacked?" He gasped, reaching an arm out to her. "What happened?"
She told him. She cried. She cursed. Her family was dead but she survived.
Thomas Cousland was dead. Natalie Bryce was reborn.
Four long months had passed. Four months since she last saw her father, heard her mother, saw little Oren laugh. Four long months of drowning in her hatred of Howe. That evil bastard.
She would be the woman who killed him. She would make sure of it.
Revenge was a dish best served cold, and four months was already getting cold enough.
This tiny village was stifling. Thirty people lived here and every one of them knew everything about the other. Except Natalie. She was the unknown, no one knew anything about her.
She had taken a job at the tavern to keep her with enough money to eat. It was boring work but it was enough.
She heard the gossip, the whispers when they thought she wasn't looking. She wasn't the most feminine of girls, she knew that, but hearing it made it all the worse.
Those nights she cried to herself in bed, if she was lucky sleep would come, more often than not she was unlucky.
Four month's worth of crying. It was enough for a lifetime. Natalie Cousland would be a warrior, the cub of the Seawolf herself. Natalie Bryce was a coward.
But Natalie Bryce was alive, and maybe that was enough for her.
Her brother had died. Loghain, another evil bastard, had betrayed his king at Ostagar and fled the battle. Leaving the Royal Army to die. Fergus had been her family's part of it.
She was the last Cousland, and she would survive.
Loghain, Howe, evil men who had destroyed her family. They would pay in steel for what they had done.
"Natalie?" A voice called from outside.
She had been sitting on her plain bed, staring at her plain walls as she let her mind rage. The sea of hatred crashed against the tranquillity of her mind, engulfing it as she drowned.
"Natalie, are you there?" The voice shouted again. A banging on her door stirred her again and she rose from the bed.
"I'm coming," she said. The world was sluggish as she took her first step. She looked across at her mirror, checking for anything that would out her, she seemed ok. Her next step was easier, and then the rest came as quick as they left.
She opened the door and smiled as warmly as she didn't feel. "Hello, Darryl." Darryl was the man who greeted her at the walls of the village, and she honestly believed he was trying, and failing, to court her.
"Good morning, M'lady, I was wondering if you'd accompany me for breakfast. I have some delicious boar at home." He extended his arm, and Natalie gladly took it.
She stopped for a moment, grabbed her weapons and then followed. She still wore her mother's armour. The Seawolf would live on. It kept her grounded.
"You do know you don't need them to get breakfast, yes?" Darryl laughed. Poking her as they walked.
"I know, my friend, I just feel more comfortable with them. I will never be helpless again." Darryl knew more than most, knew she had survived the battle but that's all.
"I get it, Natalie." He muttered. He seemed upset but Natalie wouldn't comfort him. She refused to put fuel on the fire of his crush.
They walked in silence for a time, the short walk to Darryl's house was enough that the silence became awkward.
"Thank you for thinking of me, Darryl, it was very sweet of you." She stroked his arm as she spoke. Hoping to at least make him smile, and that it wouldn't be enough to feed the fire.
"Always, Natalie, you know that." Maybe it was. Crap.
He opened the door and she held a sigh as she saw the table in the centre of the room. Flowers, a flaming candle! She had made a mistake coming here.
"I hope you like it," he lilted as he pulled a chair out for her.
"So do I," she gulped.
He disappeared into a smaller backroom and Natalie considered her options.
Run?
Flee?
Hide?
She had to leave.
He came back into the room and she silently cursed.
"Is it too early for wine?" he asked, bringing a very full jar into the room.
Outside, Natalie could have sworn she heard a howling but before she could address it, Darryl had spilt the wine, soaking the floor.
"Andraste's filthy knickers!" He shouted, diving to the floor as he did so. "This cost so much," he whimpered.
"It's ok," She said. Charm was a woman's weapon but right now she was defenceless.
A banging on the door shook her. The howling grew louder, and recognisable.
"Lissa!" She screamed, jumping to her feet.
The door burst open and three young men stood in the door.
"Freak!" one screamed.
"Pervert!" The second.
"Monster!" The third rose a sword.
Darryl stood and stepped in front of her. Some valiant unneeded chivalry but it bought her time. "What are you doing here, Gregory?"
"Saving you for the Maker, Darryl," he spat. "That thing behind you is no woman. It is a man! Some freak who dresses as a woman."
They're right.
The world began to spin, her tranquil mind got engulfed by hatred and she stepped back as the men argued before her. Lissa bounded into the room, baring her teeth at the bigots.
Darryl turned, anger in his eyes, and a meat knife in his hand. "You bastard," he screamed. "I'm not into men, you disgusting freak."
He swung at her, her daggers flashed quicker than he could react, his knife fell to the floor as did his hand.
"I never wanted to hurt you, Darryl, remember that." She spat on him.
They're wrong.
"You three are nothing, you know that?" She stepped back, searching for any way out of this. "I am the Sea wolf's pup, I am your rightful ruler." She screamed as she charged towards them.
"I AM NATALIE COUSLAND!"
She dived below them, rolling beside them as they turned, following her with their eyes before their brains reminded their feet to follow.
It was over, her nice quiet surviving life. Her Mask as a normal woman.
She was Trans, she had to accept that but she was strong. She was the strongest woman alive and she would survive this. Howe still needed to die.
More men and women followed behind her. She could hear their insults, their bigotry, and their disgust at her being. She ducked as rocks flew by her head.
She had prepared for this, thank the Maker. She would run south, the King's road was not far. If she made it there she could escape.
She danced through the trees, jumping over fallen branches, ducking under the brush.
Lissa yipped at her heels, keeping her quick and alert. The best friend she would ever need.
She turned back, looking at the group of monsters chasing her, and she missed the tree root sticking up before her.
She tripped.
She fell.
She hit the ground and screamed as she tried to clamber away.
"I've got you now, Freak!" Gregory screamed as he got close.
She closed her eyes and waited for it all to be over.
"Halam sahlin!" a strange voice echoed around them and another Mabari added its growl to the choir.
Natalie turned on the ground, and saw the angriest little elf she had ever seen, followed by a red headed woman, and a blonde man.
She was safe.
Natalie Cousland would survive.