Chapter Text
I... I'm sorry." Hanji stuttered. "He didn't make it."
Eren felt as if a punch had landed on his chest, robbing him of air and making his heart skip a beat.
No.
It could not be true.
"Did you see it?"
"What?" Hanji turned to him.
Eren could feel his blood retreat from his face, arms and legs. He had never felt colder.
"Eren, are you o-"
"Did you see it happen?!"
He needed to know. He needed to know if there was any hope... He could not accept it. Levi of all people. How...
"I... Yes. The titan... Swallowed him whole."
"Eren what are you-" He could hear Armin shout after him but it was too late.
He had already turned his horse around. His arms and legs felt weak. His heart was beating hard in his chest as if it was about to rip it apart.
He had to go back.
He had to see...
He could not understand what had occured. How the tables had turned. Levi. The strongest person he had ever known. He had seen him fight. He had seen him kill. So how? How had he been taken down by a single titan?
The wind blew in his hair, burned his eyes... His body was not responding to his mind anymore.
And the he saw it.
The big teethed bastard.
Wandering around with that huge grin embedded on its face.
Eren felt the panic turn into rage.
Once again a titan had taken something that was important to him .
That was his.
He felt a familiar electric feeling taking over his body. A roar ripped its way out of his throat.
He was seeing red.
He lunged forward and smashed the grinning titan to the ground.
Blind rage was boiling in his veins. He could feel the power in his muscles aching to lash out.
He hit it.
He hit it and smashed it and crushed it until it was a bloody mess lying beneath him. The enemy's blood was splattered all over his face, covering his shoulders and dripping from his chin. He could not get enough of it.
He ripped its limbs apart and shredded its skin into pieces.
He dug his fingers into its navel and tore it apart. He wanted to kill it again and again. He wanted it to experience all the pain he had endured all these years. All these losses. The sacrifices... He couldn't stop himself. He wanted to see the disgusting creature suffer...
And then he saw him.
Amongst the ruins of the titans stomach, a pale face was staring back at him. His hair was tousled. He looked wet and sticky. Devastated. His expression was a mix of fear and astonishment. As if he couldn't believe his eyes. Like he was dreaming.
For a moment it made him feel human again.
Eren reached down with his hand to grab him.
"Eren!"
Eren roared and turned around.
Mikasa?
She was on her horse waving frantically at him.
The warmth he had felt in his heart was gone. He could sense the oncoming danger.
"Eren! Please, we need to go!"
Eren looked at his hand.
"You will need your hands! Give him to me! I can carry him!"
He didn't want to. He didn't...
"Trust me Eren!"
He leaned down and allowed Mikasa to take the unconscious Levi on her horse.
They set off to find the rest of the Survey Corps.
But it wasn't long before they were confronted by titans.
Eren fought them. He channeled all his rage into his fighting.
There was just too many.
"Eren!"
She couldn't fight. Not like this. She was going to get hurt.
Go Mikasa! Go!
He roared and gestured for her to leave.
"Eren..."
He roared again. But his efforts caused him to become distracted. One of the titans launched itself at him and dug its teeth into the flesh of his arm. He was overwhelmed by all the titans coming at him. He needed to get out of there.
He tore the titan that was biting his arm apart and started to run as fast as possible.
He needed to keep Mikasa and Levi safe.
They made it out of the woods but a group of titans were following them.
"Eren! The Survey Corps... We are leading the titans directly to them!"
The Survey Corps... They weren't too far. He could see their horses running. The titans... No. He couldn't let that happen.
He turned to confront the titans.
They bit him and ripped his flesh apart. Heavy blows landed on his body. He couldn't fight them all. But he couldn't let them follow his comrades either. He needed to hold on. Just a little longer...
They surrounded him. He was trapped.
He needed to change.
He needed to get away. If the remains of his titan body distracted them long enough, he could have had a chance.
Eren allowed himself to slide back into his own body as his titan form collapsed. He started to run like there was no tomorrow. If he wasn't fast enough, that might have just turned out to be the case.
But one of the titans got a hold of him as he tried to get away. It crushed his arm and raised him to its mouth as he screamed in pain.
Then he started to fall.
His body crashed into the ground.
"No! Eren!"
"Get him on your horse!"
His body screamed at him. He couldn't open his eyes.
"You're going to be okay Eren. We've got you." Armin...
"Go!" Jean?
Armin's horse was running at full speed.
"It's alright, Eren. You are safe now. You're with us. Just hold on..."
His body was squirming in pain. He wanted to sleep, to escape... Yet, until they reached the headquarters, Eren never lost consciousness.
***
Eren shuddered as he remembered the battle in the woods.
It had been several days since the incident. He was staring at the training grounds now, watching his friends work out. His wounds were healed thanks to his outstanding regenerating abilities. His heart on the other hand...
It still hurt. Eren hadn't expected that it would affect him so much. Levi didn't even look at him anymore. Had he truly messed up so bad?
He had opened his heart and now it was broken. He didn't know what to do. But he couldn't bring himself to leave it at that. It would tear him apart. Eren was aware that he was always a little emotional, easily swayed away in the heat of the moment. But this was different. He had never felt anything like it.
He had been so afraid.
But not because of the titans. He had been afraid that it was too late. That he had lost Levi. His Levi.
It had been so clear, he could see it now. As he was riding his horse, frantically searching for the titan, his heart had already made its decision. He just hadn't realized it amidst all the panic.
But now he knew.
Perhaps, in his heart, he had always known.
He could not imagine a life without Levi. He felt an electrifying feeling in his stomach whenever he saw him. He had always thought that he was handsome but there was more to it. His black hair, his dark eyes, his little cleaning quirk... Okay, maybe not so little. But God, his smile was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. It was such a rare occurrence. So precious... He wanted to see him smiling more often. Eren felt a small smile form on his lips even as he thought about it.
How this had happened was beyond him. With all his silences and infinite mean attitude, how had Levi made his way into his heart?
He was supposed to have seen it coming, though. That subtle but growing feeling. Getting stronger every time he saw him.... Every hardship they had endured together...
But Levi didn't want him. He had made that very clear.
Eren wondered what he had been expecting...
He felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Eren? Are you okay?" Mikasa sounded worried.
"I'm fine." Eren shrugged. He really didn't want to talk right now.
"Eren, did something happen? You and Captain Levi... It looked bad."
"I'm fine." He repeated. He wondered how many people had noticed that something was wrong. Not too many, he hoped. There really was no way to explain what had happened.
"Jaeger! Commander Erwin has requested you."
Eren turned. A scout was calling for him. He didn't know his name.
The Commander? Why now? Why not earlier?
He sighed and waved Mikasa goodbye before he started walking towards the Commander's chambers.
***
"What you did was very irresponsible." The Commander said, finally lifting his head from whatever he was writing on the paper in front of him.
"I'm sorry, sir."
Commander Erwin studied him with his charismatic sky blue eyes. He seemed expressionless but there was something in those eyes that made Eren shudder.
"You disobeyed my orders and risked the lives of your comrades."
Eren wondered what was going to happen to him now. "Captain Levi's life was at risk, sir. I had to do something."
"Did you know that he was alive?"
"No, sir. But there was...a possibility."
"A possibility is what you have risked everything for?"
"I..." There really was no answer that could be given to that. Eren felt like a mouse in front of a lion.
"Eren, you are dangerously inclined to pursue your emotions in important matters. The Survey Corps is built on trust between soldiers. Trust is what keeps them together. We face death every time we step out of those walls where we have no one to rely on but each other. Titans are strong and often unpredictable. If our own comrades are unpredictable as well, how can we hope to fight as one and protect each other? No man can face all the the titans all by himself."
Erwin looked very intimidating. His voice was stern and his face solemn. The room was bathed in the golden light of the setting sun. It casted dark shadows on the commander's face.
"I... I apologize." Eren stuttered. " I really don't know what else I can say."
There was a long silence. Finally, Erwin sighed and closed his eyes. "Just go."
He didn't have to say it twice. Eren got out of there fast.
***
"That's all?"
"That's all." Levi responded to Hanji's disappointed face. He was annoyed. "What else do you wanna hear about that shitty place?"
There were sitting on his bed. Levi only had a bed, a cupboard, a nightstand and some bookshelves in his room. He also had a chair by the window which served more as a bed really. He never slept much so he didn't bother getting into the bed.
"I was hoping you could tell me something that can be of use to us."
"Well, you are most welcome to try it out yourself."
"I heard you spoke to Eren." Hanji said, surprising Levi with the sudden change of subject.
"What about it?"
"Wanna talk about it?
"Why would I?"
"I heard you were pretty upset."
"Who told you that?"
"Are you going to be okay Levi?"
"Hey, don't you try to mother me like one of your titans."
"You didn't get mad at him for saving you, right?"
"He acte- why do you care?" He was starting to get really irritated. Why did it matter?
"You are my friend. I am concerned about you."
"I'm fine. Now get out." He didn't need anyone prying into his personal matters.
"He got injured for you, you know." Hanji said quietly. There was a sincere, kind look in her eyes which made Levi feel more vulnerable than he would have liked.
He didn't reply. He really didn't want to talk about any of it.
"I wish you had seen his face, Levi. When I told him... He was distraught. He didn't even think about his decision. It was more of an impulse. He is more devoted to you than you think."
"Yeah, look where that got Petra."
Levi didn't know why he had said that.
"Eren is still young-"
"And insufferably naive-"
"Idealistic, I would say." She cut off Levi who had cut off her speech. "He thinks he can do everything, save everyone. But reality is catching up with him, Levi. He is learning that sometimes it is impossible to do something even when it feels right. Yet he chose to save you. Of all people, he chose to go back for you. Even when it seemed hopeless, he still risked everything. You might have already been dead, Levi. I think this shows that you mean more to him than you think." Her voice was softer now.
Levi swallowed hard. He wondered how much Hanji knew. Despite her eccentric, often bizarre personality, Hanji wasn't stupid. In fact, sometimes she displayed an insight that no one else ever did.
"He should have left me behind."
"You would have preferred to die?"
Right now? Yeah, he would. He would have died rather than endure this ache in his chest.
But he could not forget the relief he had felt when he saw Eren's glowing green eyes. He had come for him...
"Levi?"
He must have zoned out. "I..." He wanted to be alone but at the same time he didn't. He was tired of all the conflict he had inside him. He wanted to get rid of it. Get it off his chest. "It's complicated. He shouldn't be feeling this way. I'm not..."
"Feeling what?"
He didn't want to say it. "You know..."
"Is this what has been bothering you? Has he said something that made you uncomfortable?"
"He told me..." He gulped. "He loved me." There. Happy now?
Silence.
Then he heard a muffled scream. He turned to see Hanji pressing her hands on her mouth, her eyes wide open and glowing with... something. Levi felt very naked. He instantly regretted his confession.
"Really?!" She was still screaming. Fucking shitface.
"Well, those were not his exact words but it was clearly implied..." He didn’t know why he was still talking to her.
"Are you blushing?" She squeaked.
"Get out."
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. But Levi..." Her smile fell. "What did you tell him?"
Levi swallowed. "That's not... He shouldn't have said that."
"What?! Levi... Does this mean that you don't feel the same for him?"
"I don't know."
"I hope you weren't too harsh on him."
"I don't want to talk about it anymore." He tried to collect himself and put his usual blank expression on. He was sure that he looked like a mess.
"Are you afraid to love him?"
"What?"
"Are you afraid to open yourself up to love?"
Yes. Yes, he was. Deep down he knew that. Still, he tried to deflect the question.
"What good would it do? We are Scouts. No one knows when we will die-"
"Alright. Stop. This is Erwin speaking, not you."
"What's wrong with that?"
"My point is, I think Eren would be good for you, Levi. Look inside your heart and you'll see what I'm talking about."
She stood and walked out of the room, waving him good-bye.
Now, what the hell was that supposed to mean?
Crazy shitface was being cryptic like always.
His head ached and he felt confused. He needed to clear his mind. Levi sighed and set off to do the only thing he knew would make him feel better.
He was going to clean the fuck out of this building.