Chapter Text
Alec sighed.
This was crazy! For him, a warrior, to let himself be attacked by a Forsaken was just plain stupid. He had been careless and too slow; it had managed to wound Alec pretty badly. It was only thanks to Hodge that he was still alive at all.
Alec rubbed his forehead and swallowed hard. The worst part was that it could have easily gone so much worse. All because he had let himself be distracted by all the idiotic problems and worries hurled at him from his position at the Institute, his family, and even his friends. His thoughts flashed to Jace and Clary; they were currently camped out in a cemetery across town. Clary was facing the most difficult decision of her life; she could let Simon die or she could let Raphael help her bring him back to life as a vampire.
The whole week had already been so difficult and had demanded too much of their little group; and then to top it all off, Simon had died. Could things get any worse? Yes - that much was obvious. His Institute had been attacked by a Forsaken, a mundane had died under his watch, and …. Well, not to mention barely an hour had passed since he proposed to Lydia.
What had brought him to make such an impulsive decision?!
He shrugged, groaning at discomfort from even the smallest movement. Although Izzy had tended to his wound and applied a bandage, the pain was still unbearably intense.
Lost deep in thought, Alec slumped on the couch in the infirmary, waiting for Magnus to look at his wound. Even just the thought of being with Magnus alone made him nervous.
Alec swore under his breath.
Suddenly, the door opened and the warlock entered, face expressionless. With long strides, he crossed the room and approached the dark-haired Shadowhunter.
“Show me the wound. Are you still in pain?” Magnus looked at him with pure concentration.
Alec nodded in answer and offered his injured arm to Magnus. The blue sparks from Magnus’s hand danced on Alec’s skin, and he noticed the pain start to ease away, finally disappearing. Alec let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding, but couldn’t bring himself to look at Magnus. Not after what he had done. Alec didn’t understand exactly why he felt this way; he owed the warlock nothing, but still felt as if he had betrayed Magnus. But why?
“Finished!” the warlock said gently. Alec looked at him and saw that a sad smile played around Magnus’s lips.
“Thank you,” stammered Alec, wrinkling his forehead. Why did that smile make his heart race?
“Don’t mention it! I…” Magnus hesitated and fell silent. Alec searched his face and looked into those unbelievable brown eyes. “I heard you are engaged. Congratulations!”
Alec’s heart stopped, only to beat twice as fast. “Who told you that?”
“Isabelle,” Magnus answered, averting Alec’s gaze.
“You told me I should follow my heart.” Alec looked down at his hands in embarrassment; they were clutching the edge of the couch so hard that his knuckles were white. A sad little laugh escaped Magnus’s lips.
“I’ll admit, that’s not quite what I meant. But as I told you earlier, Alexander, I understand that you are only doing your duty.” His eyes darted to the floor. He made to leave, but Alec didn’t want him to go. All at once, he wanted to have Magnus to himself. This man made him so helpless and confused him so very much.
The young Shadowhunter’s heart still raced, and a thick lump formed in his throat. Could he expect Magnus to show jealousy? Did he wants Magnus to be jealous? But it had been the warlock who had finally confessed that Alec had brought something inside of him to life. And yet, now he was taking the news of Alec’s engagement strangely well.
Alec’s stomach clenched painfully when he imagined spending his life with Lydia. Of course, Alec knew why he would marry Lydia; he need to restore his family name, to protect them, to keep his Institute safe. It didn’t mean, however, that this step he was taking actually pleased him. He had thought that Magnus had felt the way he did, but apparently the warlock had gotten his feelings under control fairly quickly and had already gotten over Alec.
What had Alec expected? Wasn’t Magnus the High Warlock of Brooklyn? This realization hurt Alec just as the wound in his arm had.
Resigned, Alec risked a glance at Magnus. He was handsome and elegant, smooth skin the color of rich caramel. He was the most interesting and exciting person Alec knew.
Suddenly, it occurred to Alec that he couldn’t possibly expect Magnus to know how to respond to his feelings, when he didn’t actually know what those feelings were himself. Alec groaned and shook his head, frustrated at his inability to out into words how he felt.
Do it Alec! Magnus already confessed that he wanted to get to know you, and now you’re acting like you don’t care. It’s your turn. Show him that this engagement has nothing to do with your feelings.
“Magnus, listen….I, I…” he began, stammering his way through. “I mean, I know I….Lydia is…Aarrggg.” Frustration was taking over now. “This whole thing just sucks! I don’t have a choice. I have to marry Lydia to protect my reputation before the Council. I won’t allow us to be judged and sentenced from a distance. Lydia and I have a chance to stop this, but only if we do it together.” He was breathing heavily; filled with rage.
“But this doesn’t mean that nothing else matters... that you don’t matter to me. And yeah, maybe I am surprised at how little interest you seem to have in this engagement!” Alec’s stomach became a rollercoaster and his heat had started to throb loudly again.
Magnus took a sudden step toward him. He bent down to the young Shadowhunter and whispered in his ear: “What do you want, Alexander? Do you want me to fight for you?” He chuckled, and a shiver ran down Alec’s back.
What do you want, Alexander? Magnus’s words repeated in his head.
Magnus hadn’t moved away, Alec could still feel the puffs of his breath on his neck. Their eyes met, it dawned on Alec that their faces were only a few centimeters apart.
“Yes,” whispered Alec. “Yes. Maybe I want that.” Magnus smiled and his eyes flicked to Alec’s lips.
The loud bang of the infirmary door made the pair jump apart. Isabelle stood in the doorway, her eyes wide and her mouth formed a perfect “o.”
“Sorry,” she cringed.
“It’s fine.” Magnus replied casually. “I was just about to leave anyway.” He nodded to Alec and disappeared from the ward.
Isabelle approached Alec with a serious look in her eyes. She gently laid a hand on his arm; a gesture of comfort that made him lean toward her.
“Are you still sure that you want to marry Lydia?” Izzy asked. Alec couldn’t help but notice the concern in her eyes.
“I don’t know,” he whispered. He really didn’t.