Chapter Text
Lily sighed with relief when she entered her dorm room in Gryffindor Tower. However strange it felt for her to consider the walls of this castle dorm home–when home had always been the 2 story house in Northampton–she couldn’t deny the way her shoulders relaxed as she breathed in the scent of aging wood that accompanied the room.
“Home again, home again!” Marlene sang from behind Lily, entering the room with her arms stretched over her head.
“Home.” Mary echoed with some hesitancy as she approached her bed from last year.
Marlene plopped down onto the bed with a harumph. “Going to need to get used to the extra steps.” She said, sighing.
Lily chuckled slightly.
“Sev says they increase every year, so we’ve got 7 flights to look forward to our 7th year,” Lily reminded her friends. A noise of protest was all she got in response.
They unpacked in comfortable silence for a bit, and Lily was grateful for a moment to breathe. The train ride over had been stressful for Lily. And dinner in the Great Hall was too loud.
Petunia had refused to go with Lily and their parents for drop off at Kings Cross that morning. Lily was trying hard not to think about it, but it left a knot in her stomach that she couldn’t ignore.
Once on the train she quickly found Severus and they got a train car together. She was all too aware, however, of Mary and Marlene sitting a car over with James and the rest. Torn between home and Hogwarts, and between Severus and her friends from Gryffindor, Lily couldn’t relax. Severus, always the observant one, had noticed that she was on edge.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, concern and confusion etched on his face. Lily opened her mouth, closed it, and shrugged, unsure how to reply or where to even start. “Petunia.” He stated more than asked, giving her a knowing look. Lily loved Sev, but damn she wished he knew a little less about her relationship with her sister. She worried Pet was painted in a more negative image in Sev’s head than was fair. Or at least in a more negative image than Lily was ready to accept.
“Yes,” Lily responded hesitantly after a brief pause. “She didn’t see me off at the station.”
“Why? She didn’t want to come?”
Yes.
“No. She was busy.” Lily lied, Petunia’s words echoing in her mind. Why would I want to see her off with all those other freaks? Severus just looked at her. Lily knew he knew she was lying. But, like the friend Severus was, he didn’t pry.
“Oh. Well, she’ll be around for the holidays.” He simply said.
Lily felt herself cringe at the reminder. Another holiday spent wishing she could turn back time to when things were fine between her and Petunia was not something to look forward to. Severus just looked at her and she forced her shoulders to relax from their position by her ears. Lily knew he could see right through her and she both hated and loved him for it.
“How was your holiday?” She asked, changing the subject. Severus winced at the question.
“It was fine.” He lied.
Another few beats of silence followed.
“Are you excited to return to school?” She asked, redirecting the conversation. Lily could tell that Severus was just as keen to avoid any conversations about the summer as she was. She saw his eyes light up at the mention of Hogwarts and tried to relax into the conversation. At some point her shoulders had resumed their spot next to her ears, and she pushed them back down as Severus began discussing what they had to look forward to with second-year courses. Merlin, she had missed him.
Before long, however, the bus pulled into Hogsmeade and she waved bye to Severus as she was herded with the other Gryffindors into the Great Hall for dinner.
Dinner was a rush of reunions, regaling tales from summer, and a long sorting ceremony. By the time dinner was over Lily was ready to shut out the world for a little bit, and catch her breath.
Now, as she put up some posters and fake flowers above her bed, she could feel her jaw unclench and her shoulders slowly drop.
-
“Either of you want a chocolate frog?” Marlene said after a while, breaking the silence. Lily sat up eagerly as Mary bounded from her bed down to the floor.
“Yes!” Mary said excitedly. “I’ve missed wizard sweets!”
“Always coming at us with sweets the first night back.” Lily chuckled fondly, thinking about last year.
“Only the best for my bestest friends!” Marlene exclaimed, brandishing a box of bertie bott’s every flavor beans. Lily eyed the box and raised an eyebrow. It only took a moment before Marlene got the hint and dropped the box, replacing it with sugar quills. “Only the best.” She repeated, striking the same pose as before with the improved sweets in hand.
Lily chuckled and slid next to Mary on the floor.
“Please tell me about your summers.” Mary said with a sigh. “All I got at dinner was a earful of Black talking about how terrible he has it.” She said, rolling her eyes. Lily could see the corner of Mary’s mouth sliding into a smile in spite of her apparent annoyance.
“Oh it was alright.” Marlene said, chewing on a jelly slug.
Lily raised her eyebrow at her typically more talkative friend. “Just alright?” She teased.
“Nothing crazy happened.” Marlene said, hands up in defense. “Just parents being parents, and no magic allowed, and blah blah blah…” She swallowed the jelly slug and considered the box. “Poland was nice though.”
Lily and Mary waited expectantly for a moment to see if Marlene would elaborate. When it was clear they wouldn’t be getting anything else out of their friend, Mary shrugged and looked expectantly at Lily.
Lily felt her shoulders go back up. How am I supposed to tell them about the summer? Lily thought. It wasn’t like she was eager to tell them about the awkward silences at the dinner table, the constant fights between her parents and petunia echoing through the house, the–
“OH!” Marlene suddenly shouted, interrupting Lily’s thoughts and causing Mary to jump.
“Marlene, I swear you’ll kill me someday!” Mary scolded, hand to her chest.
“I just remembered something!” Marlene declared, ignoring Mary. She sat up straighter. “I…” She began, hitting her hands against her legs to give the impression of a drumroll, “got a broom!” She finished smugly.
Lily ‘oohed’ and ‘ahhed’–as she was sure Marlene expected–as Mary rolled her eyes.
“This is what you felt the need to give us a heart attack over?” Mary said, unimpressed.
Marlene just looked at her. “Um. Yes, McDonald.”
Mary rolled her eyes smiling. “And why should we care–”
“Oh wait,” Lily cut in, “I thought your parents didn’t want you flying beyond first year training.” Lily could still remember Marlene’s solemn declaration after their last flying lesson.
“Yes, bingo!” Marlene said triumphantly before looking over to Mary, putting her hands on her hips. “See? Lily gets it!” She said, sticking her tongue out. Mary glared at the two of them.
“I– don’t really.” Lily whispered towards Mary. Marlene sighed.
“No no, listen.” She said getting conspiratorially close to the two of them. “My brother helped me get one.” She whispered, smiling from ear to ear. “My parents still don’t know,” she giggled, leaning back. “We snuck one from Diagon Alley, and shrunk it before getting home so that I could pack it without my parents noticing!” She ended in a squeal.
Mary chucked despite herself as Lily gave Marlene an approving nod.
“Do you have it with you right now?” Lily asked.
“Of course I do!” Marlene yelped. She scrambled up to her trunk, dropping the sweets that had been sitting in her lap on the floor. Mary sat back.
“I wish I had a sibling to sneak around and do fun stuff with like that.” Mary said wistfully. “It sounds so fun.” Lily didn’t respond, just smiling sympathetically. She used to do that stuff with Pet.
“Tada!” Marlene declared from somewhere in the depths of her trunk. She appeared a moment later wielding what appeared to be a toothpick.
“What… is that?” Lily asked.
“The broom!” She said as if it were the most obvious thing ever. When that didn’t get the response she wanted she put her hands on her hips. “I told you both I shrunk it!” Marlene said, getting defensive.
“Right…” Mary responded. “Can you un-shrunk it?”
“Unshrink.” Lily quietly corrected, giggling when she felt a small thwack on her leg from Mary.
“Um.” Marlene said, looking back down at the small broom. “Not yet.”
“Marlene McKinnon.” Mary said laughing.
“I was hoping Lily could do it?” Marlene said looking hopefully at Lily.
“That’s not something we’ve learned yet!” Lily said laughing.
“But you of all people would know!” Marlene whined looking panicked.
“I’m going to try not to take offense that you didn’t ask me.” Mary murmured.
“Can you do it?” Marlene said, holding it out to Mary.
“Ha! No.” Mary responded.
“We’ve only had one year of charms!” Lily said. “Flitwick would be able to help, I’m sure.”
Marlene just pouted in response.
“Or… Longbottom?” Lily suggested. A pout. “I’m not about to botch up your broom! How did you shrink it in the first place?”
“Max did it.” Marlene said, inspecting the broom.
“You’re both so lucky you have siblings.” Mary said, opening another box of jelly slugs.
“Hmm” was all the response Mary got. Marlene was too busy staring at the broom, apparently trying to will it back to its normal size with her mind.
Lily forced a smile. “Yeah.” Was all she said. Mary looked at her. Dark brown eyes piercing into Lily’s. Those eyes. Lily was sure Mary could see right through her–a feeling Lily didn’t have with anyone other than Sev, and one she wasn’t sure she wanted from anyone else. Lily looked away.
“Lily, how was your summer?” Mary asked.
“I think I’m going to go to bed actually.” Lily said, forcing a yawn. Grimacing inwardly at how obviously fake it likely was.
“Okay.” Was all Mary said. Still looking at her.
“G’night.” Marlene murmured, still looking at the tiny broom in her hand.
“Good night.” Lily said. Though she wasn’t tired at all.
–
Later, when the lights were out and Marlene’s snores could be heard throughout the room, something tapped on the curtains of Lily's bed. Lily, who was awake as ever, sat up, startled slightly by the movement.
“Lily?” She could hear Mary whispering from the other side of the curtains. “Are you still awake?” Lily sighed.
“Yes.” She whispered back through the curtains.
“Are you ok?” Mary said. Lily wasn’t sure she wanted to get into it right now, but she wasn’t going to sleep soon anyways.
“Here.” she said, pushing the curtains back, allowing Mary to crawl in and sit on the end of her bed. They just looked at each other for a bit.
“So… are you ok?” Mary repeated.
“Just…” Lily sighed, no point hiding it from Mary McDonald. “sibling problems this summer.”
“With Penny?” Mary asked.
“No, Petunia.” Lily corrected.
“Oh, right–sorry.”
“That’s ok.” Lily chuckled.
They sat in silence for a few moments. Mary fidgeted with a loose thread the bedding, while Lily tried to think of what to say next. It’s not that she didn’t want to talk about it, she just didn’t know what to say.
“It’s just…” Lily continued, finally. Mary looked up at her. “Things haven’t been the same since I got the letter for Hogwarts, and I’m not sure how to fix it.”
“What’s been different?” Mary asked.
“She won’t talk to me.” Lily said, omitting some of the other… problems. Mary looked at her for a moment before nodding her head and resuming picking at the thread.
“That’s happened with some of my friends from before.” Mary said. “I know it’s not the same as having a sibling. They don’t even know where I’ve been. But they know I’m at some boarding school…” Mary looked to the side, contemplating something for a moment. “I think they think I’m a completely different person now.”
Lily nodded, that sounded exactly like what was happening with her and Petunia.
“How do you make them see that you haven’t changed?” She asked.
“I mean…” Mary began slowly. “I have changed. Just not in the ways they think.” She finished, shrugging. “And at this point, I don’t know if I can change their minds. If they won’t listen.”
Lily swallowed a lump in her throat. “Well you’ve got us.” She said.
“Thanks.” Mary smiled at her.
“Are you guys having a midnight chat without me?” They jumped hearing Marlene from across the room. They hadn’t noticed, the snoring had stopped. Lily laughed.
“Come join us!” She called, pulling back the curtain so that Marlene could climb in with them.
“I can’t believe the two of you.” Marlene grumbled as she joined them. “Wake me up next time.”
“But you looked so peaceful.” Mary teased. Lily laughed again, the lump in her throat loosening a little.
She was determined that she would get through to Petunia. It wasn’t like Mary and her friends. She was sure of it.
But, even as Marlene began to go into her plans for how to “un-shrunk” the broom, the knot in her stomach sat tight. She was sure… wasn’t she?