Chapter Text
It happened during nightfall. I glanced at my bathroom vanity, the person inside of it. That’s.. me, isn’t it? The girl standing at the mirror.. that was me. Right? I clutched my chest, stressing internally. That doesn’t look like me. Though, it’s the face I’ve been staring at for all my life. The face I’ve known every time I enter the bathroom. But today, it doesn’t feel like me. It doesn’t feel like the person I am.
My body felt too.. curved. Too slim.. too feminine.. maybe a little bit of masculinity wouldn’t be so bad.. I mean, tomboys exist, don’t they? I could be one. Though, I don’t feel like a masculine girl. Either way, I wouldn’t be able to masculinize my body, it’ll always be like that, won’t it?
My voice felt too high. Mocking men’s voices has always felt good. Though my friends laugh, I’ve always thought it was genuinely nice. It’s always been seen as a little party trick of mine, never something so serious…
…
Y’know?
I’ve heard of people who want to change into the other gender.
Like, changing their style, changing their voice, all either with or without the help of surgery.
My friends always made fun of them. And so has my close family, the people around me, basically everyone in my neighborhood and outside it.
I wonder, could I be like them?
I’d be happy as a man.
There would be so much I could do if I were a man.
I think don’t bother with it for now, I don’t wanna scare my parents. Don’t I?
After I left the space of thought, I found myself tearing up on the vanity, head in sink. I’m lucky it’s 2am now.. Tomorrow’s just another day to get that gift card ready. I left the bathroom, and went back to bed. The thought still lingers.. I’ll try something tomorrow.