Chapter Text
Is this how Maddie felt when she realized Simon could see her? Because the same thing is happening with him and Xavier!
Xavier can see AND hear him at all times now, which is a huge achievement for them not only because they’ve proven the existence of soul bonding, but also can now do things much more freely without needing to do anything anymore!
Which now brings Wally back to a question that’s been tossing itself around in his head for a while.
Were they… dating? COULD they date? The thought itself seemed so, so nice in comparison to reality. But wouldn’t that just be setting himself up for internal conflict? Because unlike him, Xavier wasn’t going to be attending high school forever. Eventually he’ll grow up and forget about his student years, leaving it all behind for a better future.
Leaving Wally behind.
And yeah, that fucking sucks.
He should be ecstatic, right? This is what he wanted, to be able to be seen and heard by Xavier whenever and wherever, without some weird ‘emotional trigger’ or something similar! But then…
The thought of Xavier growing up hits him harder than expected, Wally’s heart clenching painfully in his ghostly chest as he watched him take notes from inside the library, too distracted by homework assignments to notice his presence yet.
It was inevitable. The fact of the matter was... Xavier was mortal, so it was only expected for him to grow and change over time. He would grow... and eventually, he would move on.
A quiet, shaky sigh escaped him, his heart hurting from the thought of it. Wally knew this would happen, that it's inevitable. But he just... doesn't know how to prepare for it when the time comes.
He didn’t want to start counting down the days until his graduation comes and goes.
But... what option did he really have? He couldn't exactly stop time to stay in this moment forever, could he? The world... no, life kept moving on, and nothing, not even Wally's new found ability to show himself to Xavier, could change that.
He had a future to look forward to. And that future didn't have any room for.. a ghost.
He'd go on to graduate.
He'd go on to college.
He'd go on to get a good job, meet someone, maybe even start a family.
He'd live a normal, healthy, happy life.. and Wally would be forced to stay within these walls, unable to reach out and touch him ever again.
His heart felt heavy, his chest tightening as his mind went over every single one of those scenarios, over and over again.
But... the question still remained.
Was this considered dating? Were they dating?
And would that lead to an end that left him with even more heartbreak down the road?
“Wally… hey, dude, you okay? Why do you have this weird ass thoughtful expression on your face right now?” Xavier asked, eyebrows furrowing in concern with his body turned around in his seat as he looked over in the spirit’s direction.
God, damn it, he’s too damn observant.
Wally gave a silent sigh, shaking his head to clear it of the thoughts, trying his best to mask all the emotions he was currently trying to suppress.
“Uh, yeah, no, I’m chill.” He said, shrugging his shoulders slightly. “Just uh…. Thinking a lot, that’s all.”
“Bullcrap.” Was the first thing that came out of his mouth, his fingers gripping onto the edges of his desk chair as his eyes narrowed. “What were you thinking about, huh? ‘Cause I know it wasn’t ‘nothing’.”
“I swear, i’m fine!” Wally protested, crossing his arms, his expression giving a slight pout. “Can’t a guy have his own inner thoughts and ramblings or something, god damn it.”
“Not when you’re the world's worst liar.” The latter retorted back, the concern from earlier still evident in his face. His foot started tapping impatiently against the ground, his expression hardening even more than before. “Spill it jackass. I know something is bothering you, so spill it.”
Despite himself, despite the fact that he had been hoping he could avoid the inevitable discussion… Wally felt himself sigh in defeat, a small, shaky huff leaving him as he met Xavier’s gaze again.
“…I was just… overthinking some things. It’s not that big of a deal, I swear.”
“Then what were you thinking about?” Xavier pressed, his expression remaining sharp and narrowed, his eyes locked on the other. “If it’s not that big of a deal, you should be able to easily tell me it, without issue.”
Wally huffed again, his expression hardening slightly, trying to keep himself from crumbling under Xavier's gaze. He could still lie his way out of this. He could still keep him in the dark, he could still keep this to himself and-
“I was… just... thinking about us.” The words came out before he could even realize what he was saying.
Xavier’s expression faltered briefly, surprise quickly replacing his earlier annoyance.
“About uh… us?” He repeated, his foot stopped tapping as his expression softened even further. “What about us?”
Wally’s heart started pounding louder in his chest, and damn it, he’s already in this deep, so why not just… let it out.
“Y’know… us. Like… What we are.”
He took a deep breath, shifting his gaze away from Xavier, his heart continuing to beat louder in his chest.
“Do you… think we’re, like… dating..?”
Xavier sat silently for a moment, the words still processing in his head as he stared at the ghost, dumbfounded. He shifted his gaze down to his lap, staring at his fingers as he fiddled with the loose skin around one of his nails.
“I uh.. I dunno, I.. guess we are…?” He mumbled, his face flushing slightly.
Wait, really?
Wally felt a slight sense of relief flood him, his gaze turning back to the teen in front of him with surprise.
“Oh.” Was the quiet, almost weak response that came out of his mouth.
“Oh.” He repeated, his voice a little quieter, his mind starting to whirl all over again.
Dating. Xavier just said they were dating. Xavier. And him.
“You, uhm…” He swallowed hard, his face feeling red hot. “…seriously?”
Xavier lifted his head back up, his face getting even redder as he locked his gaze back onto the ghost.
“Yeah, seriously, dude…” He muttered, a bit of nervousness evident in his voice. “I mean… we’ve been doing stuff that couples usually do. So… I don’t see why we wouldn’t, y’know… be considered a couple…?”
Wally continued staring at him for a moment longer, the realization of their situation starting to sink in on him. They were dating. They were actually, legitimately dating. Dating.
He felt a flutter in his heart, and he let out a shaky sigh, letting the corners of his mouth quirk into a small, nervous smile.
This is what he wanted. It was exactly what he wanted.
“I mean… yeah. You have a point there.” A beat of silence passed between them, Wally trying to figure how to get the question off his chest.
“So… then…” He starts, shifting ever so closer to him subconsciously, hesitating a moment before continuing. “If we’re.. y’know.. officially dating ... then what does that mean for our… future together?”
“Uh… well, I’d assume that it’d mean… y’know, trying to spend more time together…?” Xavier said, giving a slight shrug, the tips of his ears turning red as that fact settled in again. “Going on dates around campus, hanging out… that kinda couple stuff.”
Wally tried his best to keep his anxiety and excitement at bay, his heart picking up speed as his thoughts began to spiral again.
“So… that’s uh… y’know, that’s good. That’ll be fun.” He murmured, the nervousness in his voice becoming more and more apparent. “But, I mean…. Eventually, you’ll be… graduating. Leaving here behind.”
Xavier’s expression fell, as he let out a quiet sigh, looking away from Wally to focus on the floor.
“Right..” he mumbled, his fingers going back to fidgeting with each other. “I… guess I will be leaving eventually…”
He swallowed slightly, looking back up to meet the other’s gaze. “Shit… I uh.. I dunno. Are you sure there isn’t any way for you to leave school grounds somehow?”
Wally shook his head, his heart starting to pick up speed again, his expression dropping again. “No. I… I can’t. I tried. I… I tried so hard, but… I’m not leaving this school. Not… not ever. I’m trapped here, stuck here forever, and… and you..” he stopped, his voice shaking.
“Oh..” Xavier whispered, his voice just barely above a tremble. “Oh, god, dude…”
His body curled inward slightly, his mind trying to formulate a response, something to say that could possibly make the situation easier.
“Come here, Wally. C’mon…”
Wally felt himself move before he could even think, his body moving on its own as he came to sit on Xavier’s lap, his body almost instantly curling closer towards him.
He didn't even try to fight back the urge, his body relaxing slightly as Xavier immediately wrapped his arm around him.
"I’m..” he mumbled out, the words catching in his throat as he leaned against him. “I'm sorry."
Xavier let out a shaky exhale wrapping his other arm around the ghost, hugging him tightly to his chest. “Don’t-” he forced out, his voice hoarse. “Don’t you dare apologize. It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.”
Wally felt all his emotions come spilling out on him; the despair, the fear, the panic, the dread… it all came rushing up without hesitation.
His body shook, his face burying into Xavier’s shoulder, holding onto him like he was the last thing he could hold on to.
“I’m sorry.” He whimpered, his words weak and shaky. “I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you to leave me in this school..”
Xavier held onto the other male tighter, his hands gripping onto his shirt, his eyes squeezing shut as he tried to blink back the sting of tears.
He took a shaky breath, forcing himself to not cry. If one of them lost it, both of them would crumble, and right now, Wally needed him to be strong for him.
“Hey… it’s okay, I promise, dude. Don’t… don’t think about that right now. Come on- “ He whispered, his words thick. “It’s gonna be fine. I’ll figure out something, okay?”
Wally wanted to believe him. He really did.
But he can’t.
He knows this.
He knows it’s not going to be fine.
All it takes is one look around the school, at the ghosts stuck here, suffering, and it’s clear that things aren’t going to be “okay.”
His hold on him tightens, his shoulders shaking as he took shaky breaths, his voice coming out in shaky hiccups.
“I.. I don't want to be stuck here. I don't want to be alone forever.”
"You.. you won't be, okay?" His boyfriend reassured, trying to calm the other down. "I swear, dude, we’ll figure something out... you won't be all alone, okay? I won't let you be, I promise.."
His heart clenches again, Wally’s face burrowing even further in against his shoulder, his fingers gripping and twisting in the fabric of his shirt.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” He mumbled out, his words coming out in a quiet, shaky whimper. “You’ll forget about me. You’ll… graduate, and… and go to college, and meet someone else….”
“No.” Xavier pulled him closer, his voice coming out stronger than before. “Never. I won’t forget about you. I swear, I’ll never forget you, okay? You’re not… you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
That got a weak, sad laugh out of Wally, a sharp, shaky exhale leaving him as he shook his head, his shoulders shaking even more. “You don’t understand. It’s just… it’s inevitable, okay? You can’t- you can’t stop time. There’s nothing in this world that can keep you from growing, from changing…”
Xavier held onto him tightly, his grip almost bordering on painful.
“Then I’ll find a way to not change, okay?” He snapped out, the words coming out more harshly than he wanted them to. “I’ll find a way to stay by your side. I won’t- I won’t leave you behind. I’m not abandoning you, I won’t, okay? I’ll do extra research on this.. ghost shit if I have to.”
Wally’s body tensed, the harshness making him look up in alarm.
The sight of Xavier, his face a mix of anger and desperate determination, made Wally freeze.
He’s serious. He genuinely wants to try and… find some miracle to make this work..
A shaky sigh escaped Wally, one hand hesitantly leaving his shirt to reach up and cup his face.
“I love you.”
There was a short moment of still silence between them, Xavier’s face softening as he leaned into the other’s touch and let his own grip loosen slightly.
He let out a shaky sigh, bringing one of his own hands up to the other’s wrist, leaning against his palm, his expression twisting as more tears started slipping free, his voice coming out just barely above a whisper.
“I love you too, and I’m not giving you up. Not you. Never you.”
Wally’s heart clenched painfully again, a shaky sigh escaping him as he watched his face.
He can see it. The determination in his eyes, the stubborn insistence that he will try to make this work, to find some way to keep them together….
Wally leaned in, his forehead resting against Xavier’s as his other hand came to rest against his chest, feeling his heart pound beneath his palm.
“Stubborn idiot… “ he mumbled, a bitter laugh leaving him. “You’re going to cause yourself to go gray with stress, trying to figure this out.”
“Yeah, well… good thing grey hair doesn’t actually look bad.” Xavier murmured back, his own hand covering the other’s, holding it against his heart. “Better than going bald, right?”
A tired, amused huff of laughter left him, Wally’s forehead dropping to rest against his shoulder as all the fight left him.
He can’t stop this. He can’t stop Xavier from trying to figure something out. That damn stubborn, self-sacrificial idiot had made up his mind, and nothing was going to make him back down from it.
“Idiot…” he mumbled again, his grip on him tightening slightly.