Chapter Text
Colin’s bag weighed a lot this year. It wasn’t heavy per se. It didn’t have many things, actually. But it had the weight of his future.
He decided he was gonna be brave. He was done being scared. He was done running away.
Penelope helped him to have the courage to pursue his dreams. Colin listened to her advice and spoke with an editor friend who worked at a publishing house. He said his books were good and interesting, and made an offer to publish them.
Penelope made him stop being scared and go after what he wanted. He saw the outcome of it. Now, he was going to go after his biggest dream.
Her .
He was afraid of her rejection. But he was even more afraid of missing the chance of sharing his life with her, of not seeing her everyday, of not being able to love her.
He might not be worthy of his Pen, but he’s gonna spend his whole life working to deserve her.
She deserved the world, he was gonna give it to her.
And when Colin does something, he does it big.
Inside his bag, Colin was carrying a box with an engagement ring. He asked his mother to show him the family jewelry collection, which included the engagement rings.
Colin put his bag, along with his suitcases, in the car trunk. He hopped in and drove to Pen’s house to pick her up.
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‘’Is there only one this year?’’ Penelope observed, frowning. ‘’That’s weird. They always go in pairs.’’
They were having dinner on the patio table -as they always did when they stayed here- and the swallows were already here when they came. Well, apparently just one.
‘’You know that when it’s a cooler day just the male comes down to the tree and the female stays in the nest,’’ Colin suggested.
‘’But this one is different. It doesn’t look like Birdnelope nor Cuckoolin. And it’s tinier. Do you reckon they left and this is a different one?’’ she asked, still confused.
‘’I don’t know. Maybe. But it’d be weird for a different couple to come stay in the same place the last one did, wouldn’t it? I still stick with my first theory.’’
‘’Well,’’ she sighed ‘’either they came back or it’s a different one, swallows seem to love this place. You know, they say that if a swallow makes its nest in your house, luck will never leave that place,’’ she pointed out.
Colin hoped Penelope was right, because he was gonna need all the luck in the world. Not yet, though. He had it all planned. He was gonna flirt with her more openly and be bolder to see her reaction. Then he was going to prepare a delicious picnic course meal with her favorite dishes, her favorite flowers, etc. Everything set up on their blanket in the meadow.
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They spend their days like every summer. Except this year, they find themselves in a better place. Penelope has published her second book and it has been a commercial success. Colin, for his part, has made a deal for his first book and is about to be published.
So this summer feels lighter.
For a few nights, there was only one swallow in the tree. Until one night when they were having dinner.
‘’Colin, look!’’ Penelope gasped. ‘’There’s Birdnelope!,’’ she said excitedly.
Penelope was right. Perched on a branch, was the same slim brown swallow they saw every year. That evening was hotter and, as Colin thought, the female came down to the tree.
‘’See, I told you they didn’t lea-,’’ his words were interrupted when two swallows chirped and flew out of the tree. One of them crashed into a wall and its wings fluttered, trying to keep flying. ‘’Oh, how clumsy’’, he said sweetly.
Suddenly, they saw a third swallow flying along with the others. Colin opened his eyes wide, Penelope gasped.
‘’THERE’S THREE!! THERE’S THREE!!!!!’’ she shouted, thrilled.
The bigger swallows flew away, heading to where their nest was. The third one- the one who crashed into the wall- followed them, still struggling with its flight.
‘’So it’s a baby swallow?’’ Colin asked, still amazed.
‘’I told you this one was tinier!’’
‘’Yeah, I mean, that’s why it was clumsier and it crashed into the wall, right?’’, he said, putting all the pieces together.
‘’They brought their baby along with them,’’ Penelope said moved.
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One of those days, after they had lunch, they were on the sofa talking. Suddenly, they heard the flapping of wings, spun their heads and saw the three swallows flying into the house and perched on top of the french doors- just like last year.
‘’Oh,’’ Penelope rested her chin on the arm she had on the headrest, while looking at the swallows ‘’I love that they feel so comfortable here and with us that they come inside the house,’’ she said with puppy eyes ‘’They’re not even bothered by our presence or if we walk around the house.’’
‘’Even with their baby,’’ Colin seconded. They kept staring at them for a few moments, fascinated to be watching the story of a family of little animals in real time.
‘’They just fit here,’’ she sighed. ‘’It’s so good to feel that way. I only feel like that with you and your family,’’ she smiled and looked at Colin. He looked tense and had a sorrowful expression. He gulped and squirmed uncomfortably. ‘’Colin, what is wrong?’’
‘’Nothing,’’ he shook his head, forcing a smile and avoiding her gaze. ‘’It’s nothing. Don’t worry.’’
‘’Colin,’’ she said, getting closer to him and touching his hand. ‘’It’s me. You know you can tell me anything.’’
‘’It’s just-,’’ he doubted, pursing his lips. ‘’what you said about fitting…, ’’ he fell silent. Penelope stayed quiet too, not wanting to push him to keep going, just giving him as much time as he needed. ‘’I’ve always felt like... like I didn’t fit. Nor my brothers’ standards nor my friends’ nor the world’s, in general.’’
‘’What do you mean?’’ she frowned. ‘’Your brothers love you and they want the best for you. Yeah, maybe Anthony is a bit harsh sometimes about jobs and whatnot, but he supports you in what you do. Everybody does.’’
‘’Yes, but it’s not that. It’s the standard of what ‘’being a man’’ means for them. Having multiple flings or dating a lot before finding your person and getting married. They always encouraged me to do so as they did, saying I was too green, introducing me to different girls… And it was the same with my friends. I always felt like an outsider because they were always commenting about women and how sexy they found most of the women they saw, how amazing sex they would have with them. And I didn't like just any woman I saw. I did find them beautiful, good looking but I didn't feel attracted to them. I needed something else,’’ he paused. ‘’And for so long I didn't know what it was. What was wrong with me", his eyes were filled with tears. He felt a lump in his throat that cut his words and kept him from speaking for a few seconds. After a few tries he started talking again ‘’I thought I was broken... because no one else around me felt like that. They could get attracted to multiple people, all the time, and get laid.’’
Colin let the tears fall and it felt like a river that couldn't be stopped.
"So with all of that going through my mind I forced myself to have sex with a cute girl I met at uni,’’ he continued. ‘’I thought that maybe if I finally did it I would realize I was mistaken and I could enjoy sex the same way everyone could,’’ he said, sobbing harder ‘’But I didn't enjoy it. I felt empty afterwards. The sex part felt okay, I cummed, but inside was an endless void... When she left I started crying because it confirmed I was broken. Because how could I be having the most intimate act and be bare naked with another person, but feeling so distant from her?’’
Penelope didn’t hesitate, she held him tight. She knew him as the palm of her hand and she knew it was what he needed right now.
Colin put his head on her shoulder and held onto her like she was his anchor. He cried uncontrollably letting it all out. Every tear for every moment he didn't feel understood, seen; every moment of confusion, of feeling like he didn’t have a place in the world, of being broken.
He wasn’t ashamed of crying, Colin never hid his tears. It wasn’t a weakness for him. He always wore his heart on his sleeve.
He stayed like that for a while with Penelope caressing his curls and kissing his forehead. She was crying softly knowing now how he has carried this weight in his heart his whole life.
It was the most intimate moment she has ever lived. The most connected she felt to someone. They’ve always been connected to one another, always knew each other's heart, but this was chest-opening letting the other dive deep into every part of the soul.
Just them. And the swallows.
They were still on top of the french doors, stuck to one another, mirroring Penelope and Colin. They didn’t make a sound. The only sound was Colin’s sobs, quieter now.
‘’Do you want to go for a walk to the meadow?’’ Colin said out of the blue, breaking their embrace. She looked at him confused but she said a soft ‘’yes’’ anyway.
They walked to the meadow in silence, holding hands. Colin grabbed the blanket before walking out of the cottage, so when they reached their tree, he set it down. Penelope sat with her back against the tree, spread her legs, and gently pulled him to sit between them. Colin leaned back against her belly and he started to feel more relaxed instantly.
‘’I love my brothers deeply,’’ he said when he finally spoke. ‘’And they have good hearts and I know they wouldn't force me to do something I don't want to. It's me. And if I didn't understand what was happening to me, how could they?’’ he said now calmed.
Penelope started picking daisies and tucking them into Colin’s hair.
‘’After that I never laid with anyone else-’’
"But... What about Marina? I thought-", she asked confused, frowning.
‘’I’ve never done anything with her. We kissed, dated for a few weeks but I-,’’ he sighed. ‘’She was nice and cute but I didn’t feel attracted to her. I didn’t feel… a spark, nor when we kissed nor when I spent time with her. Whenever we were together, we didn’t get to know each other, we just hung out with friends. I didn’t feel connected enough to get naked with her and be intimate. It just didn’t feel right,’’ while Colin was speaking, Penelope kept decorating his hair with daisies. ‘’Then, as you know, I found out she was pregnant with her not-so-ex’s baby,’’ he said with a sarcastic remark.
‘’I didn’t know that, I just assumed-’’, she cut herself off, pressing her lips together. ‘’Why didn’t you ever tell me you were feeling this way?’’
‘’Because, Pen, I didn’t even know what was happening to me,’’ he said calmly. ‘’I didn’t understand a thing until I met Michaela,’’ Colin was brushing Penelope’s leg with his fingers.
‘’How’s that?’’
‘’We’d been friends for a couple of years already, when we were in Greece. We were stoned, rambling nonsense. Then, she confessed to me she was in love with Francesca and how she was having a tough time and how shitty of a person she felt she was,’’ he explained. ‘’So since she was opening up, I did too,’’ his hair was now completely decorated with daisies.
‘’And what happened, then?’’ she asked softly.
‘’When I told her how I felt, she blurted out ‘’ you might be demisexual ’’ and I was left speechless. I asked her about it, she explained some things to me, asked me some questions, like if I have ever felt sexually attracted to someone. I told her I have only once and she asked me if I had a deep connection with that woman, if I knew her well…’’ he trailed off. ‘’I told her I did and that I was in love with that woman. She said to me ‘’ I firmly believed that you’re a demisexual simp’’ ,‘’ he chuckled. ‘’After that day I searched more inform-’’
‘’Who is that woman?’’ she cut him off, a bit pissed. ‘’You’ve never-’’, he interrupted her by sitting up.
‘’Let’s get back home, it's getting dark,’’ Colin stood up and offered her his hand.
They got back in silence. Penelope was upset, thinking who the woman Colin was in love with was, and why he never said anything.
When they arrived, the swallows weren’t in the living room anymore, they were back in the tree.
‘’I have to do something real quick upstairs,’’ Colin said. ‘’Do you want to have a night picnic on the patio?’’
‘’Okay,’’ Penelope replied with a serious face. ‘’I’ll make something quick.’’
Penelope prepared a simple charcuterie board and grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses. Colin came downstairs just in time.
‘’I’ll take that outside,’’ he said, grabbing the board. He smirked at Penelope and headed outside.
When Penelope went out to the patio, wine and glasses in hand, Colin had already set the blanket and the charcuterie board.
‘’Give me those,’’ Colin said, kneeling on the blanket. Penelope handed him the wine and glasses and sat down on the blanket.
Colin poured her a glass of wine and handed it to her. He was trying to contain a smile at her annoyed expression.
‘’Are you mad?’’ he asked.
‘’I just- We tell each other everything, but you never told me about this woman,’’ she took a big gulp from her glass.
‘’Well, I’ve never told you because I’ve always been a coward,’’ she frowned. ‘’I’ve been in love with her for years and I’ve never confessed my feelings. Because she’s so beautiful, smart, kind, sexy, so wonderful and perfect that I was afraid of her rejecting me and losing her forever,’’ he said all of this looking intensely at her, that weirdness in the deepness of his eyes. ‘’But maybe she will accept me… now that I’m worthy-’’
‘’Now that you’re worthy?’’ she cut him off. ‘’What do you mean, Colin? You’ve always been worthy. Any woman would be lucky to be with you. You are the most wonderful man in the world,’’ Colin scoffed ‘’Colin, I’m serious. You are kind, sweet, thoughtful, you’re a gentleman, you care for the people you love,and even if they sometimes ignore you or tell you to stop yapping about your stories, you still treat them with love, bring every one a specific gift you know they’re gonna love,’’ Penelope left her glass on the blanket and took his hand. ‘’You always stand up for me, show up for me. You always respect me and treat me like I’m the only person in the world. You-’’
‘’That’s because you are,’’ Colin let it out.
‘’What?’’ Penelope asked, taken aback.
‘’You are the only person in the world for me, Pen,’’ he said with puppy eyes, tilting his head. ‘’I love you. You are the woman I’ve been in love with for years now. I’ve been so afraid to tell you because, how could a woman like you love me ? How could I be deserving of your love?’’
Suddenly, Penelope put his hands on Colin’s face and, giving in to an uncontrollable force, she kissed him.
He froze, surprised for a few seconds, but when he realized Penelope was kissing him , Colin put his hands on her waist and pulled her closer. He kissed her back softly but deeply, with everything in his heart, with every feeling he had been holding for her for years. It has never felt like this, his whole body was tingling.
Penelope slowly pulled away, opening her eyes and looking at him. Colin was with his eyes closed, he didn’t want to open his eyes and realize it was a dream.
‘’You are very deserving, Colin. I’ve been in love with you since the moment we met,’’ she said softly. Colin’s eyes flew open.
‘’What? Y- y- you- You’re in love with me?’’ he couldn’t believe it. ‘’I’ve been in love with you for so many years that I was so scared to tell you because I didn’t wanna screw it up and lose you forever. So many years that I even left to travel the world because I couldn’t stand seeing you with Debling. I’m so obsessed with you that Michaela calls me a simp all the time.’’
Penelope burst out laughing and kissed him again. She was thrilled. Colin loved her , she couldn’t believe it. Colin pulled away.
‘’Wait…’’ he moved his hand to his back pocket, digging for something. ‘’Pen, I… I want to be with you forever. I’m back for good, I quit my job at the travel magazine-’’ he started but Penelope interrupted him.
‘’What? Colin, why did you do that? You love traveling-’’
‘’And I still will from time to time, but only if you come with me. I don’t want to live any minute of the rest of my life without you. You gave me the courage to go after my dreams and that’s what I’m doing. You know I made a deal to publish my journals, and I’m still gonna travel because that’s what my books are about… but I wanna be with you sharing the experience of learning about the world,’’ he brought his hands out from behind his back, revealing a ring box with a beautiful gold ring, its stones forming a daisy. ‘’Would you do me the honor of letting me become your husband?’’
Penelope laughed wholeheartedly. She wasn’t expecting that; nor a proposal after just two kisses, nor the question being phrased like that.
‘’You really are obsessed with me, aren’t you?’’ she said giggling.
‘’You have no idea. I want to be your husband so bad,’’ he said smiling, but with those weird eyes he always looked at her. She could see now that what was deep into those eyes all these years, was love . Her eyes filled with tears. ‘’Pen, are you going to marry me or not?’’ he blurted out, eager, nervous, afraid of her rejection.
‘’Colin, in what world would I not?’’ she said smiling, tears sliding down her cheeks. ‘’Of course.’’
Colin smiled wide and kissed her again. He took her hand and slid the ring onto her finger, his hands trembling.
‘’I love you,’’ he kissed her and rested his forehead against hers.
‘’I love you, ’’ she replied, smiling. ‘’I still can’t believe you love me’ ’
‘’You can’t believe I love the most wonderful, perfect woman in the world?’’ she giggled and hid her face in his neck. He held her by her waist. ‘’You are the person I’ve felt most connected to my whole life. This-,’’ he said pointing to the daisies in his hair ‘’-is the most intimate moment I've ever had with someone. No need to be having sex, just laying on your lap and you putting daisies in my hair-,’’ they laughed together ‘’baring my soul to you.’’
They kissed again. The kiss growing more passionate by the second. They started to take off each other’s clothes and laid on the blanket. The food and wine, long forgotten, were placed on the table by Colin.
They made love and, just as he thought, it couldn't be compared to anything he had ever experienced. It felt explosive, he felt fireworks, he felt free and wild. It was everything he’d ever dreamed. It felt glorious.
After finishing, they were cuddling on the blanket, Penelope’s head on his chest.
‘’I want to travel with you anywhere, anytime you need to. I can write anywhere. But there’s only one condition,’’ Penelope said, looking up at him.
‘’And what is it?’’, he said grinning, looking down at her.
‘’That we still come back here every summer.’’
‘’You don’t need to ask that. Rest assured, we will.’’
Suddenly, the swallows started chirping.
‘’Look at them, they’re happy we’ll come back,’’ Penelope said giggling. Colin looked at the swallows contemplating how similar they were to them.
‘’It has always ever been just us, Pen.’’
Epilogue: 2026
Penelope was laying on the blanket in the meadow playing with their almost three months old baby, while Colin was taking a picture of that sweet moment.
This last year has been the happiest year of their life.
When they got back to London after the summer vacation with his family, they moved together to a beautiful house in Bloomsbury. Not long after, they found out Penelope was pregnant. Perhaps, it was soon, but they agreed not to use protection, they didn’t mind starting a family already.
They got married in November in an intimate wedding at Bridgerton house, with just their immediate families. After that, they made the most of the months they had before giving birth traveling to promote Colin’s first book- which was a success.
As Colin promised, they came back to the cottage, just the three of them.
Later that night, Colin was making dinner while Penelope was feeding the baby on the patio.
Colin served the food and sat. Penelope put the baby in his pram.
‘’I have something for you,’’ Colin said.
‘’Oh, yeah? And what is it?’’ she said with a teasing smile.
Colin placed a box in front of her and opened it. Penelope gasped at the sight of a delicate gold necklace.
‘’I had to give it to you here. This swallow is me,’’ he said pointing it ‘’this one is you and this one is baby Thomas Elliot,’’ he said smiling.
‘’It’s so beautiful, Colin,’’ Penelope said, tearing up. ‘’Thank you,’’ she kissed him deeply.
‘’Now you can carry a part of this place anywhere you are, any time of the year,’’ he said, standing up to put the necklace around her neck.
‘’We already have a part of this place with us,’’ she said, looking at the swallows in the tree. This time there were four. Two couples. The younger ones built their nest close to the older one. ‘’You know, I was searching and I found out that the Birdnelope and Cuckoolin’s baby was conceived here the previous year.’’
Colin gave her a meaningful look.
‘’Like Thomas?’’ he smiled. She nodded, touching her necklace.
‘’He was also born here. Then they travelled together to their winter nest and came back home for the summer.’’
Colin looked at her with loving eyes and a tender smile. He took her face and gave her a kiss, then rested his forehead on hers.
''I love you. You are my home, Pen. Whether we are here or at our house in Bloomsbury or traveling the world, my home is with you. It's always been you.''
Every summer since they found each other they came home together.
It was their natural space. A place that felt calm, safe... like a haven.
Their summer home.
