Chapter Text
It wasn't ideal for him to be on a plane- hell he hated planes, had been on enough in the past week, they were making him shut down and withdraw from himself- but that didn't matter, Andrew had to push past the jet lag, the mental exhaustion, the incessant calls from Kevin wondering where he's at. All that mattered was getting on this plane, once he got on it, he could try sleeping off his unsettled joints and tired vocal chords but he knew he wouldn't, he knew he was going to spend the entirety of the few hours ride worrying about the rabbit, his rabbit, the one he had failed.
He knew that Neil and him being apart was going to be difficult, but he didn't account for it being this bad, that his reason for being was going through such ludicrous thoughts that he was going make an attempt on his life. He couldn't believe it, couldn't grasp the possibility of him being successful and how Andrew would be left alone. He's pulled from his thoughts when the intercom announces that his plane is boarding, so he grasps the duffle he already had full of traveling for the press tour and walks to the gate. His mind isn't with his body, its hovering above, watching the events from afar, in a camera view. After boarding the plane, he shoves the duffle into the carriage above and sits.
He didn't realize how much time had passed but as soon as the green light signaled that he was allowed to leave he was already outside the airport, duffle in hand, waiting for his cab. Checking his phone for the fiftieth time, there still weren't any updates besides the text Wymack had sent, letting him know that he had made it to the hospital. He didn't know what was going on, if the doctors were respecting Neils wishes, if he was conscious, how bad the injuries are and that fact worried him and fueled Andrews resolve to yell at the driver of his just arrived cab to go faster.
It took another fifteen minutes to get to the hospital Neil was transferred to, then it took another five trying to get the nurses to let him in before he decided to rush past them in order to get to Neil. Stepping into the room he realizes Neil is asleep and Wymack is in the corner, sitting in a tan colored armchair and once he sees Andrew and frown of relief overcomes his face and he stands up.
"Hey kid, didn't know you'd get here so fast" he looked older, as if his kid had stressed him into old age with frown lines and forehead wrinkles.
"How is he?" It was all Andrew wanted to know. All Andrew knew was that Neils roommates-newer foxes- had listened to his directions when Andrew called them immediately after Neil put glass to skin. How his roommates knew nothing when they were in the same dorm is going to get them stabbed when Andrew is done here.
"He lost a lot of blood and gave himself a concussion when his head hit the floor, but he'll be okay." His former coach states solemnly but then continued, "he needs you, I don't think after just gaining a life of his own it was easiest or clear on instruction for him to learn to live without you, you gave him a home and a reason to survive, he doesn't know how to cope without you."
Andrew knew all this, yet he didn't want to acknowledge it, so he just mumbled, "Above your pay grade coach" as he turned his head to stare at Neils breathing, sleeping form until the older man got the hint and started exiting the room.
Hand on the door, Wymack looked back and forth between the two boys, "I'll let them know not to try and kick you out" and left.
Andrew pulled the same armchair his former coach was sitting on up next to Neils hospital bed and stared at Neil. He wouldn't forgive this, couldn't forgive Neil for almost leaving him alone in this world. But he knew that he would nonetheless, which is when his last played song from before Neil had called came into his mind and word for word, he meant exactly what it said. Lyrics don't know why I forgive you; I just know that I do flood his head as it kept going. You say I should visit... you know that I'd love to and god does he wish he had, wish he had said fuck his job and the stupid press and his stupid teammates that were strangers to him and had come home, came to Neil, could have prevented all of this from happening, from Neils mental health getting so bad.
Neils fingers twitch where they lay on the bed and Andrew looks up to see that Neil has woken up and immediately Andrew says, "come stay with me for a while" To my place in Boston? the lyrics play, justifying the question with, after all, I was everything you wanted and he needed Neil to know that he wasn't nothing, that Neil was everything Andrew had wanted, just as much as Neil needed him. He wanted the rooftop again. He wanted their back-and-forth games of questions, I'll answer your questions, when you answer mine, the one that made him fall harder than he has ever fallen. He frantically searched his rabbits face for an answer and was met with confusion, then dawning over the events that had taken place, the call, the pleading, the glass.
"Drew" tears welded into his eyes, "Drew I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to worry you" And he's not sure what emotion Neil saw on his face, but he immediately sucked in a sharp breath, "I don't want to leave you, I'm sorry I tried, I just... I just-t-t" Drew looked at him as if he hung the stars, but a black hole was absorbing the light, taking away the natural right to happiness. "Yes, I'll go with you for a while."
Andrews face shuttered and the reality of everything kicked in, he felt like a kicked dog and all the apologies didn't recover the emotional turbulence of near grief he feels, like they ever could. Like you thought that you could just call, and everything would be fine? nothing would be fine and if Neil tried telling him so, he would lock him away in a cocoon of blankets and cuddles for the rest of his life.
"Don't apologize, Rabbit, don't apologize... just be here, be here with me." He said looking into the ocean blue rings that circled his mind day and night.
"But- Drew- I'm not normal, I can't even survive a couple of months without you." Neil said as he shied away from Andrew's gaze.
"Normalcy's boring, and I don't like to be bored" Andrew lead on, hoping Neil would come to his senses and realize he's all Andrew wants, there is no box to describe what Andrew wants other than the name Neil. Pfft, normalcy? I'm over with that.
Standing up he walks closer to the bed and asks, "yes or no to lay with you in my lap, Rabbit?" and he studies the others face for any no's or any reluctance until he comes up empty and hears a quiet,
"yes" Neil says while grinning, maybe they'll be okay after all.
Andrew lays next to Neil then grabs his legs to drape them over Andrew's lap. He drums a pattern with finger taps on Neils ankle.
"You make everything better, Drew" while he begins to look sleepy again
"I'm not your answer but I'm here and you're going to see someone or talk to someone. I can't handle this scare again. You're so much better than me Rabbit, I'll always be with you, but you deserve to stand on your own, okay?" He says, much more vulnerable than anyone has seen.
"Okay Drew, I won't let you down" Neil says into the others ear as he lays his head on Andrew's shoulder with a smile. Everything was going to be okay, they had each other and they had faced worse, and if Andrew would rather die than let Neil fail, nobody had to know. And I need you now, here in my lap...And I haven't a clue, why I am a siren to you, I haven't a clue, is that so bad?