Chapter Text
“Now what?” the angel asked, feeling the weight of the situation and its resolution hitting him and making it hard to think clearly.
“Drink?” he asked and offered at the same time.
Looking around the book shop Aziraphale wasn’t sure what to do with himself. This place wasn’t his any longer, he realized that he didn’t have a place here, not really.
“Hey, angel. Stop thinking so hard, you’re giving me a headache. Come on.” He grabbed his hand and led him to the door.
Aziraphale stopped him, “There isn’t anywhere to go. Not for me. Not anymore.”
Crowley dropped his hand, the air suddenly heavy. He understood the feeling; he had been there himself after Aziraphale had left. But he also knew that he could find his place again. So, he offered, “How about we go to Justine’s, have lunch and open a bottle of wine. We can sit outside because it will be easier to breathe out there.”
The angel brightened a bit at the suggestion and reached his hand back out silently, hoping that this could be the start of a bridge.
Crowley regarded him for a moment before taking his hand and tugging him gently to get him moving. Once outside, Crowley did release his hand to shut the door behind them before they crossed the street and walked to the restaurant. Upon arrival they were greeted and sat at a table outside, a bottle of wine and two glasses placed between them. Crowley opened and poured the wine while Aziraphale ordered food.
They sat in companionable silence for a while, Crowley watching the sun bounce off the white curls atop his head, his chest expanding and contracting as he breathed deeply. He was beautiful, truly a sight to behold. He shook himself out of his thoughts, he would not forgive him so easily, not before they had talked, properly.
Their food arrived and Aziraphale tucked into his lunch as Crowley drank and watched.
Once he was finished, he looked at Crowley and said “Walk with me?”
“Sure angel.” He said standing. They wound through the London streets before ending up at the entrance to a public garden. Crowley looked at Aziraphale “A garden, eh?”
“Seemed fitting.” He said with a tired smile.
They entered the gate and walked the meandering path until he realized they were in a proper hedge maze. The tall greenery is dotted with small pink and white flowers, small alcoves with benches or small fountains or ever potted plants. Aziraphale stopped at an alcove that had a bench with potted plants on either side, dappled sunlight shown on the warm wooden seat. He sat down and patted the seat beside him, making sure to leave room for Crowley to sit next to him but not touching. The demon sat down, close to the angel, but as suspected, not touching, and not close enough for any accidents to brush off. Any touches would appear just as they were, intentional, he was going to ensure that this interaction stayed honest, even if it was uncomfortable.
“I am not sure where to start. I don’t want to start by apologizing, it seems cheap. So maybe you could start?”
His eyes went a bit wide behind his sunglasses, “Mmmmm. Ok I can, but are you going to listen? No interrupting?”
Aziraphale turned to face him a little and said “I want to listen to you. I need to hear what you say. Can you give me sufficient time to process before I respond? My mind doesn’t move as fast as yours does and I want to answer you thoughtfully and honestly.”
Crowley thought it over and held his hand out to shake their agreement. The angel took his hand and turned back to look at the gardens, knowing that Crowley would need this when he spoke, he wasn’t ready to give that much to the angel just yet.
“When you left to talk to the Metatron I paced the bookshop tidying up and thinking about how I was going to take you to an extremely alcoholic breakfast at the Ritz, and we were gonna celebrate. And then….”he took a steadying breath. “Nina and Maggie cornered me and told me how we never talk. Not really. We never say what we mean.” He stopped, he was losing his battle with his emotion, wavering between anger and sadness.
Aziraphale to his word remained silent. He did turn slightly towards him, hoping to give some sort of comfort.
“Angel, you killed part of me when you chose heaven over us, over me. But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was when you only wanted me if I was an angel, then you remined me that… what was it you said…. “of course you didn’t say yes to Hell, you’re the bad guys. Is that really how you see me?” he looked at the angel now.
Aziraphale had tears falling, he didn’t even try to stop them. Hearing his own words spoken back to him made him realize how bad it sounded.
“Crowley no! I only see you, exactly how you are. As you have always been to me. I know you don’t remember before, but I do, and I much prefer the you I have spent 6000 years with to the angel who was in heaven. I really just wanted to bring that smile you had once, when I watched you create the stars. I would never want you to change. As for what I said, the Metatron wanted to separate us, and when he said I could bring you with me if I made you an angel again, he knew you’d say no, and that I would not be able to explain. Not that there is anything I could have said that would right that awful wrong.”
They sat there looking at each other, each thinking that they had to find a way, because this much love can’t stay bottled up forever, and it had already been centuries.
“My dear, may I remove these?” He asked, a hand raised to his sunglasses. He would not act without permission, not now. Maybe someday he could earn the right to have Crowley remove them without thinking like he once did in his presence, but until then, he would wait. His nod was so small that it was nearly imperceptible, nearly. He gently slid the lenses from his face, his fingers brushing his cheeks as they passed. He folded them and neatly tucked them inside his jacket pocket. Looking into the loveliest golden eyes, he saw so much just beneath the fear of rejection. There was hope, longing and most of all love. But the fear was tempering all of it.
“I know that there is no going back on all of the things that I have done, but perhaps we can work through this and see where we go? Crowley, I want to know what you want? Never again will I assume or force you to follow my lead. I will walk with you, if that is still something you want.”
Crowley stayed silent, he didn’t have an answer, at least not right now. So Aziraphale continued. “I know that I have to earn your trust and I hope that we can get to a place where I am able to do that. But I need to know that is what you want as well. Crowley, do you want me in your life? You don’t have to decide right now what that may mean, I would just like to know if you even want me in your life at all. I won’t intrude ever again. For any reason. If you wish to never see me again, I will honor that.”
Crowley grabbed his hand and held it tightly, afraid he would disappear. “Don’t go! I want you in my life. I just don’t know in what compacity at the moment. But I’d like to take the time to find out. Please.”
The angel raised his hand to his lips and gently kissed it then lowered it back down, still holding it securely. “Then I will be here. I am sure that Muriel will allow me to stay at the bookshop until I can figure out my own place.”
Crowley looked down, a light blush tinting his cheeks and said “You can stay at my place, if you like.”
“I couldn’t impose. Especially not since we are in a new….situation. I don’t wish it intrude on your space and routine. I know that Nina has a small flat above the coffee shop, perhaps she would let me rent it.”
“Angel.” He stopped the ramble. When Aziraphale met his gaze as he went on, “I have a room that is open, and it would be nice to have you help out in the shop. If you think you can adjust to the idea that I want customers to buy things. And it would be easier to work on us if we were you were actually around. BUT, there is no heaven or hell happening in my shop or the flat, EVER. It is our home, not an embassy.”
Aziraphale beamed when Crowley referred to it as their home. He had only spent a brief time there and Crowley already called it theirs. Hope, that’s what he was offering him, hope that they could still find a way back to the ‘us’ they had once been moving towards.
Aziraphale rested his palm on Crowley’s chest, smiled and said “That sounds lovely my dear. As long as you feel there is space for me to be in what you have worked very hard to make your home, I will stay, as long as you like.”
“Angel, there has always been space for you in my life, you only needed to chose to fill it. We will get there, eventually. But this feels like a good place to start yeah?”
Crowley reached up, pulled power from hell and while holding the angel’s hand miracled them home. They had a long way to go, but they were at least on the same path again and that kind of hope is a rare thing, and it is to be cherished.