Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The room was bathed in golden light when Sa Eon noticed. He grabbed his phone to check the time and saw it was still midday, even though he’d barely slept at all. Despite trying to rest, he’d woken up over and over to check on Hee Joo, and at some point, he just gave up and sat in the chair by her bed.

His manager had already called him a million times, so he decided to turn his phone off. He wasn’t in the mood to get scolded like a kid, and ignoring everything until he got home seemed like the best option. So he went back to what he’d been doing for the past hour: answering Jang Yu-ri’s interview questions, just a few quick replies before sending it to Do Jae to look over.

The laptop rested on his lap. It wasn’t exactly fun, but he felt bad for Miss Jang, and he didn’t want her or Hee Joo getting in trouble at work, so he figured he’d just get it done. But while his fingers tapped on the keyboard, a sound caught his attention, and he looked up to see Hee Joo shifting in bed. Sa Eon put the laptop aside and went to her, worried. Her face was tense, and she was murmuring things he couldn’t make out.

“Hee Joo?” he called gently, touching her shoulder so he wouldn’t startle her. He got more worried when he noticed the sweat on her face and neck — even though the room was cold — and how much more restless she was getting in her sleep. He gave her shoulder a soft shake.

Her eyes snapped open and she gasped. He opened his mouth to ask if she was okay, but before he could say a word, her hand grabbed his tightly. The grip was strong like she needed to make sure he was really there, or afraid he’d leave and even though it hurt a little, he just covered her hand with his other one and let her hold on to him.

“It’s okay. I’m here with you,” he said, trying to calm her. But when she kept breathing fast, he reached out to touch her cheek and gently made her look at him. Her eyes finally focused on his face, and the pressure on his fingers eased. Her chest was rising and falling quickly.

Hee Joo laid her head back on the pillow and took a few deep breaths, waiting for her breathing to slow down.

“You okay?” Sa Eon asked after a while, when he noticed she was just staring at the ceiling. His voice pulled her out of whatever haze she was in, and her eyes dropped to their hands.

She tried to pull hers away.

“I’m fine,” she said simply, looking away. “Sorry.”

He ignored her apology and waited a moment before saying, “I have them too.”

“What?”

“Nightmares,” Sa Eon said softly. She swallowed hard, still not meeting his eyes. “It’s common when you’re anxious or stressed.”

This time she did look at him, her gaze softening a little with a slight furrow in her brow. “Do you feel like that a lot now?”

He almost let out a bitter laugh because yeah, he pretty much lived on edge all the time. He took sleeping pills just to quiet his mind enough to get any rest, but he wasn’t about to tell her that. He wasn’t going to turn this into a “sad celebrity” moment when she was the one who needed care.

“Only sometimes,” he lied, trying to sound convincing, and shoved his hands in his pockets. Hee Joo tilted her head slightly, like she wasn’t sure if she believed him. “When I’m on tour or working on a comeback and things get intense, I get a little stressed like anyone would.”

She nodded. “You need to take better care of yourself during stuff like that.”

Sa Eon raised an eyebrow at her and couldn’t stop the small smile that tugged at his lips. “Look who’s trying to be a doctor now.”

Hee Joo opened her mouth, probably to fire back, but closed her eyes instead and shook her head with a soft smile. “Okay, fine. We’re even.”

Sa Eon sat with the strange sweetness of the moment. Seeing her smile, even just a little, made something in his chest ache; that kind of quiet sadness that comes with remembering something good you know you’ve already lost. Like reaching for the warmth of a memory and only feeling the cold edges, because those moments weren’t coming back.

And now, even though she was right in front of him, he knew it was only temporary, that in a few hours, they’d say goodbye and probably wouldn’t talk again. After all, Hee Joo didn’t seem eager to be friends with him, and Sa Eon could never just be friends with her. That would hurt too much.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a knock on the VIP room door. He glanced at Hee Joo once more and got up to open it. The nurse he’d seen the night before was standing there, pushing a cart with two meals. He always thought it was kind of ridiculous how a hospital could look more like a luxury hotel but this was what he could do to make sure Hee Joo had at least a little privacy.

“Hello again, sir,” the nurse greeted politely, and he smiled. She had stopped by around thirty minutes earlier to check on Hee Joo, and that was when he asked if she could bring them some food. He had liked her from the start, because she looked at him like he was just some guy staying with someone he cared about at the hospital. Which was exactly what he wanted to be that day.

“I can take it from here,” he said, stepping up and pulling the cart in.

“The doctor will stop by to see Miss Hong in about thirty minutes, once he begins his rounds in the VIP ward,” she informed him, all business.

“Alright,” Sa Eon nodded, but something made him hesitate before she could leave. “Ma’am.”

“Yes?” the middle-aged woman turned back to him.

“I just wanted to ask if anyone…” he paused, unsure how to phrase it. It felt weird, like he was accusing her or the staff of something. He wasn’t used to dealing with this stuff himself, so he didn’t really know the right way to say it.

“You mean if anyone knows you’re here?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. He suddenly felt like a kid being scolded by a teacher. “So far, the information is safe. The director told us you spoke to him, and our team is very professional. But you know how these things go...I can’t promise anything.”

“Yeah. I get it,” he said with a forced smile. “Thank you anyway.”

She looked at him for a second, then sighed softly and lowered her voice. “You seem to care a lot about her. So you should focus on being here with her now. I’ll do my best to make sure your privacy stays protected.”

Sa Eon’s shoulders loosened up a bit. He could see she meant what she said, he could see it in her eyes. “Thank you very much, Mrs. Jang.”

Once she left, he walked back to where Hee Joo was. The room was big, so the bed was a little far from the door.

Hee Joo looked up when he got close. “Everything okay?”

He furrowed his brows slightly, guessing she got a little worried since he had taken a while talking to the nurse. “Yeah. They brought you some food.”

He pressed the button beside the bed to raise the head part so she could sit more upright. Then he stepped over to her, looking her in the eyes before touching her, asking for a silent permission. She swallowed and gave a small nod, and he adjusted the pillows to make sure she was comfortable.

“Is that good like this?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, breathing a little faster. “Sa Eon, I want to try eating by myself.”

He sighed. “I can help you.”

“Well, you won’t always be around to help, right? If I’m going to be stuck with this thing for a few more weeks, I need to figure it out on my own. Besides, I don’t feel that weak today.”

He wished he could tell her he would be there whenever she needed. That he’d brush her hair, cook for her, and feed her if she let him. But that place in her life wasn’t his anymore. So instead, he just nodded reluctantly and brought over the little table for her to eat.

Hee Joo thanked him and picked up the spoon. Her hand actually did seem steadier than the night before but even so, he stuffed his hands into his pockets to stop himself from saying anything.

She was staring down at the food in silence.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to eat this. It probably tastes like nothing, like all hospital food,” she muttered, lips twitching in a pout. He couldn’t help thinking she looked cute like that.

“You need to eat,” Sa Eon tried to reason, even though he already knew arguing wouldn’t help—she was a stubborn. “Besides, it probably isn’t that bad.”

She looked at him, eyes sparkling with something between annoyance and challenge. “Then let’s switch. You give me your tray that looks like actual food.”

“Nice try, but again I’m not the one hospitalized here,” he said, tilting his head. Hee Joo sighed, finally giving up. That alone felt like a miracle.

He waited until he was sure she’d be okay eating on her own. He felt a quiet pride seeing how quickly she got the hang of it, even if her fingers still trembled a bit. Hee Joo had always been strong and determined.

Sa Eon only managed a few bites of his own food before a thought hit him hard enough to ruin his appetite completely. He waited until she finished eating, then quietly cleared away the dishes and the table.

“You should’ve given me your food, since you barely touched it,” she said, frowning at his plate.

Sa Eon turned to her, serious. “Hee Joo. We need to talk.”

Maybe it wasn’t the best time to bring this up but honestly, when was a good time for them? It’s not like they talked often or saw each other anymore.

Hee Joo blinked, suddenly tense. “About what?”

He shifted uncomfortably. “Last night, when you called me…”

“Sa Eon, I was drunk,” she cut him off, frustrated. Her hand clenched the blanket tightly. She wasn’t even trying to hide how nervous she was now, and that just made him feel worse.

“You said I shouldn’t have believed you back then. What did you mean by that?” he asked anyway, stepping closer to her bed. They were much closer now, and she lowered her gaze to avoid his eyes.

“I was probably just drunk, I…”

“No,” he interrupted ber, this time he couldn’t take another vague answer. “You don’t lie when you’re drunk. Sometimes you get sleepy, sometimes overly honest, but you don’t lie. And you had no reason to lie to me.”

The air between them grew heavy. Sa Eon didn’t want to corner her, none of his words came from anger, but he was desperate to hear something. Anything. Still, Hee Joo looked anxious.

“What do you want me to say?” she whispered, her eyes flicking up to meet his.

“The truth. I want to know why you broke up with me,” he finally said the question that had haunted his sleepless nights, the one he never found a real answer to. “I know you loved me. That it was real. So why did you end it?”

Sa Eon was fighting a storm inside himself just to keep calm. Every time he imagined this conversation, he thought he’d cry or yell, that all the pain and resentment would come pouring out. But now, he was just trying to stay steady. His voice felt strange in his throat, like there was a lump he couldn’t swallow.

“I told you. I told you that night,” Hee Joo said, trying to sound distant. But he saw right through her. That calm act wasn’t fooling him.

“Did you really? Because all I got were shallow excuses,” Sa Eon replied, crossing his arms. “You never answered my calls or replied to my messages, even when I was begging for a reason that made sense.”

Hee Joo shut her eyes. “Because the truth is simple. That’s all.”

Silence fell between them for a few seconds. Sa Eon was afraid she could hear his stupid heart pounding in his chest. Only she could make him feel things that intense. Not even standing on a stage in front of thousands made his heart race like this.

“Then where is he now?”

“What?” Hee Joo’s voice cracked. She clearly hadn’t expected him to bring that up, and her eyes flew to his. Her brown eyes always seemed to shine.

“You told me you’re not engaged. And if you were in a relationship, you wouldn’t have let me spend the night here with you.”

“I just…”

“Did he… do something bad to you? Is that why you won’t tell me?” Sa Eon asked, his voice more frantic this time. She hadn’t even answered, but the thought of anyone hurting her made his whole body shake with anger.

“What? No, it’s not that,” Hee Joo said quickly, shaking her head and covering her eyes with one hand.

“Please, I just want to know. I need to know,” he said, his voice breaking, tears burning behind his eyes.

“Sa Eon.”

Her voice rose, snapping him out of it. His heart sank when he saw her lip tremble. The only thing filling the room now was the sound of their heavy breathing.

“Sa Eon, I don’t want to talk about this right now,” she whispered, locking eyes with him. “My life’s already messy enough. I don’t want to make it even worse.”

He ran a hand over his face.

“God, I don’t even know what I’m doing,” he muttered, looking at her. Hee Joo looked just as lost as he felt, and guilt stabbed at him for pushing her. “I’m sorry. You’re in a hospital and I’m here bothering you.”

She shifted uncomfortably and opened her mouth to say something but a knock on the door interrupted her. This time, it was the doctor and two residents.

Great. Their conversation had been postponed again.

“Good morning, Miss Hong,” the doctor greeted, and Hee Joo answered with a small nod.

Sa Eon greeted the doctor too, then stayed quiet as he asked Hee Joo a few questions. It took effort to keep quiet, but he managed, at least for a while, until he couldn’t help blurting out his own worried questions.

“But something must be wrong, right? She had to stay one night,” he argued, clearly on edge. Hee Joo shot him a sharp look, silently asking him to stop interrogating the man.

The doctor chuckled after Sa Eon’s fourth or fifth anxious question. “Don’t worry, son, this type of injury is more common than you think. We just wanted to keep her overnight to be sure, but she’s going to be fine.”

“Sorry, doctor. I think I’m just still a little nervous,” Sa Eon laughed awkwardly.

“Young love’s like that. Everything feels ten times more intense,” Dr. Lee told the young resident beside him, who was distractedly jotting notes on his clipboard.

Sa Eon turned to see Hee Joo’s reaction, but she was already looking at him. Her cheeks, pale before, now had a faint pink tint. She swallowed hard and looked down at her hands.

“I don’t think it’s quite like that,” Hee Joo murmured. The room went quiet for a moment, the awkwardness thick in the air.

He tried to think of something to say, but she was faster. “When can I be discharged, doctor?”

Dr. Lee looked surprised and a little suspicious of the atmosphere between them. “Well, the pain might last a few more days, but it can be managed with painkillers. Other than that, all your vitals are stable and your CT scan is clear, so you can go home today, if you’re okay with that.”

“I’d like that.”

“Hee Joo,” Sa Eon said her name softly. “Maybe it’s better if you stay.”

“Dr. Lee said it’s fine. I just want to go home already,” she replied, not even bothering to turn her head toward him.

Sa Eon felt selfish. He was worried about her health, sure—but he also knew that once she was discharged, she probably wouldn’t want to see him again. And now that he’d been around her for so many hours, he didn’t want to give up being able to look at her, hear her voice. Memories and photos could never replace that.

He was acting like someone obsessed, but at the end of the day, that’s exactly what he was. Someone who spent every second lying to himself, disguising longing and love as resentment and anger. Sa Eon wanted her, only her, and it had to be painfully obvious—even to those people who didn’t know them— that his feelings for her were still strong.

“We’ll get your discharge papers ready and give you some instructions. You should be able to leave in about two hours, Miss Hong.”

The singer exhaled and pressed his lips together as they said goodbye to the doctor. His mind was racing, but he didn’t say a word, afraid of turning this into a bigger drama than it already was.

They fell into a shared silence while waiting for the discharge. Sa Eon kept typing out answers to his interview on his laptop, after handing Hee Joo’s phone back to her. He sneaked a few glances her way, trying—not very successfully—not to get distracted by her.

He always found it hard to focus on anything else when they were in the same room. Everything else just lost meaning, and the only thing that drew his attention was Hong Hee Joo. Her cheeks looked a little less full, but at least some color had returned. She furrowed her brows and slightly twisted her lips as she typed faster on her phone. Sa Eon wondered what she was doing but quickly told himself it was none of his business.

A few minutes later, he’d finished answering everything and was putting his laptop away. Another nurse, one they hadn’t seen before, walked into the room. She was going to help Hee Joo shower and change clothes, and also explain how she should take care of herself without hurting the injury.

Sa Eon quietly stepped out to give them some privacy. He headed to the nearby pharmacy; he already had her prescription and just needed to get the meds she’d need over the next few weeks, for pain and inflammation. The pharmacy clerk looked a little suspicious of the sunglasses and baseball cap, but didn’t say anything.

He lingered a bit before heading back to the hospital, not wanting to interrupt her. Every minute he spent outside, in broad daylight, increased the chances of being recognized by a fan or journalist but he figured that would be future Sa Eon’s problem. At least the hospital staff had kept their word about being discreet, maybe because of the absurd amount he was paying or because he’d begged the director to talk to the team.

A little over half an hour later, he was back in the room. He walked in holding a pharmacy bag in one hand and a drink in the other. Hee Joo was sitting on the bed with her feet hanging off the edge, holding a hairbrush in one hand. Her hair was damp and messy, and she was wearing the same clothes from the day before, though they looked like they’d been washed.

She looked at him, and for a second, she seemed so small and vulnerable he had the urge to hug her.

He couldn’t even imagine how hard it must be not to be able to do simple things on her own, and that worried him even more because she was way too stubborn and proud to ask for help. Who was going to help her when her arm was in a sling?

“I went to get these,” he said, raising his hands. “These are the meds you’ll need, according to the doctor’s note. I think it should be enough for the next few weeks.”

Hee Joo glanced at the bag, guilt clearly written all over her face. “This must’ve cost a fortune. And you already paid the hospital bill.”

Sa Eon waved her off, brushing aside her protest. The meds were expensive but they were also good and he could afford them; more importantly, he didn’t care about the money when it came to her.

“I’m not going broke over a few pills, Hee Joo. Don’t worry about it,” he said, a bit ironic, but not unkind.

She mumbled something he didn’t catch and let go. “Why are you holding that?”

“The nurse had to leave and couldn’t finish drying or brushing my hair,” she answered, sounding a little defeated, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. Her damp hair was no longer as straight as it had been the day before, now it had soft waves— the kind he liked, the kind that made her look effortlessly beautiful.

Trying to ease the tension between them after their earlier argument, he stepped forward and placed the coffee cup in her hand, gently taking the brush from the other. Her fingers were cold.

“Coffee?” Hee Joo asked, confused. “How did you even get this? Someone could’ve seen you at the café.”

She was speaking the way she used to, back when they were together: worried, careful.

He tried to reassure her. “I asked a little kid waiting in the lobby to buy two coffees and just waited on the stairs. No one saw me.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You asked a random kid to buy you coffee?”

“It wasn’t free! That was probably the easiest money that kid’s ever made—cost me a lot,” he said, lifting his hands in mock surrender. “Besides, I know you like coffee after eating.”

Her lips pulled into a small smile, but she looked away again. He could tell she’d been holding back since yesterday. It was hard to get through the walls she’d built—and he didn’t even know if he had the time to try.   

“Well… should I?” Sa Eon asked, nodding toward her with the brush in hand. Deep down, he silently begged her not to say no this time. He just wanted to be there for her. Every time she pushed him away, it hurt more than he’d ever admit.

She watched him for a moment, as if weighing the offer. Like she was scared that even a simple gesture from him could crack her defenses and let him see what was really going on inside. But by now, her feelings were a complete mystery to him.

Finally, she gave a small nod.

Sa Eon let out a quiet breath and stepped closer. “I need to move you to the chair.”

His arms wrapped around her waist and behind her knees, just like the nurses had shown him, it wouldn’t hurt her that way. He lifted her carefully and waited to make sure she wasn’t in pain. Her eyes met his, and for a few seconds, they just looked at each other. Their faces were only inches apart, but what sent a shiver down his spine was her heartbeat.

Hee Joo was so close that, besides her warmth, Sa Eon could feel her heart racing against his chest. He swallowed hard when she finally looked away, and then he slowly set her down on the chair before starting to brush her hair.

He gently worked through the knots with his fingers first, careful not to tug too hard. Once the brush slid more easily, he turned on the dryer to get the remaining dampness out. It felt painfully domestic but oddly comforting.

“Ow,” Hee Joo winced and flinched.

“What? Did I pull too hard?” he froze.

“No,” she said, relaxing a little. “I think my head’s still sore from the fall.”

“I’ll be more careful,” he promised, slowing his movements even more. Sa Eon noticed the tension in her shoulders, especially when his fingers accidentally brushed against her skin.

When he was done, he walked around to face her. Looking at her closely, he tilted his head a little and slipped his hands into his pockets.

“I like your hair like this,” he said, about the soft waves. He left out the most important part: “I think you look beautiful.”

Hee Joo didn’t seem to get what he meant at first. Her eyes went to the ends of her hair, then back to his face. Her expression was unsure, like she wasn’t really convinced he meant it.

Sa Eon cleared his throat and walked over to the bag Do Jae had brought the night before, pulling out one of his black caps. It didn’t match the outfit she was wearing, but she was going to need it for privacy.

“Oh, one more thing,” he said, heading back to her. “You should wear this. Just to be safe, you know?”

She looked at the cap in his hands and raised her brows. “Oh, I know.”

Sa Eon clenched his jaw. Of course she knew about having to hide from the world because he’d made her live like that for years. The self-loathing crept back in, along with all the anger at the way the industry ruled their lives. It wasn’t enough that it had control over him—no, it bled into the lives of the people they loved, too. And when it came to romantic relationships, it was even worse. Being forced to hide love like it was something shameful...no one came out of that whole.

He adjusted the cap on her head, making sure it wasn’t too tight. They waited in silence until the doctor and his team returned with her discharge papers and recovery instructions.

In the end, both of them thanked the hospital staff, and a security guard escorted them to Sa Eon’s car using a quieter route so they wouldn’t draw attention. Hee Joo tried to say she could take a taxi or an Uber, but he didn’t let her start the argument—just said he wanted to make sure she got home safe.

The truth was, he just wanted a little more time with her. Even if it was just a quiet car ride with no words. But Sa Eon was far too much of a coward to admit that out loud.

｡ 𖦹 ° ‧

He stopped the car in front of her building and waited.

“We’re here.”

Hee Joo turned to him. She’d spent the entire ride staring absently out the window, watching the light rain fall outside. The hesitation was written all over her face, as if she were carefully choosing her words. Her eyes mirrored exactly how he’d felt all day: lost in his own thoughts, tangled in emotions he couldn’t sort out.

“Thank you for bringing me home,” she finally whispered, her voice calm but distant.

He nodded, his gaze shifting to the window behind her. “Don’t get out yet.”

Sa Eon reached into the backseat, grabbing an umbrella and her bag. He stepped out of the car and opened the umbrella, slinging the strap of her bag over his shoulder. It wasn’t heavy, but even light weight could strain her injury.

He opened the passenger door and offered her his hand. The warmth of her touch spread through him, a quiet contrast to the cold air outside. He held the umbrella a little tighter. But the contact was brief, Hee Joo quickly pulled her hand back and looked around, uneasy, though the only other presence nearby was a white cat wandering by the building.

Sa Eon walked with her to the entrance, under the excuse of shielding her from the rain. She paused before typing the door code, not inviting him in.

“Thank you for everything. For staying with me and… for all the rest,” she said, resting her hand against the wall beside her. “You didn’t have to, but you were there anyway, and I don’t even know how to repay you for that.”

He let out a heavy sigh, his smile a little bitter. As if she needed to repay him for anything...

“You don’t have to. But getting better quickly would be a nice way to do it.”

She gave him a faint smile in return. “I’ll try.”

He tilted his head toward the door. “Will you be okay here by yourself?”

“I might call Yu-ri. Or my mom,” Hee Joo replied, though it didn’t sound entirely convincing. Her hand played with the hem of her shirt.

Sa Eon raised an eyebrow. “Your mom?”

He knew their relationship wasn’t the warmest. He couldn’t exactly picture her mom making soup or helping her daughter shower. But they’d been apart for a while now, maybe things had changed. All he could do was believe her and trust she’d be safe. Even if it meant he’d probably have a nervous breakdown over it later.

“Sa Eon.”

“Yeah?”

She cleared her throat and took a deep breath before locking eyes with him, this time with a confidence he hadn’t seen in her all day. The hesitation was gone.

“I didn’t cheat on you… in case that wasn’t clear.”

His mouth opened slightly, and he froze, caught completely off guard. Of course, he already knew that from the way she’d reacted when he’d implied it. But hearing her say it out loud...he hadn’t realized how badly he needed to.

“Well… that was unexpected,” he said, finally regaining his voice, breathing deeper. “But I believe you. And I hope that someday, when you’re ready, you’ll give me a clear explanation. And I know you’ll probably say the truth is simple, but you’re not simple, Hee Joo. You don’t do things without thinking them through.”

Her jaw clenched and she nodded stiffly, closing her eyes for a moment.

“And I haven’t dated thousands of famous singers,” he added, following her lead in honesty.

Hee Joo narrowed her eyes slightly. “What about famous actresses?”

Was that… a joke?

Sa Eon pretended to think, placing a hand under his chin. “You know, they used to chase me a lot. I got a few marriage proposals, but I turned them all down.”

This time, she laughed. Just a soft, small laugh but the sound warmed his entire chest. He caught himself smiling too.

“You know better than anyone not to believe the tabloids. It’s mostly just clickbait or PR.”

“I was joking. Besides, you don’t owe me any explanations,” she said, rocking slightly on her feet.

“I know. But I wanted you to know anyway.”

They stood there, facing each other, while the rain picked up and drops threatened to soak the open corridor. It wasn’t ideal for Hee Joo to be outside for too long.

Sa Eon took the bag off his shoulder and handed it to her. “You can call me if you need anything, only if you want to.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ll… send you an email once I’ve recovered, just so you’ll know.”

Her voice was quieter this time, and her expression darkened, wiping away the last traces of their brief moment of humor.

“Alright,” he said, trying to smile, but the muscles in his face refused to cooperate. “Please take care of yourself, Hee Joo.”

“You too. And thank you again, Sa Eon.”

He watched as she turned quickly and typed in the code in record time without even looking back at him.

Goodbyes sucked. This could’ve been the perfect moment to close the chapter with her and move on. To finally let go. But somehow, even with everything seemingly said, he felt worse than before.

｡ 𖦹 °

Sa Eon absentmindedly typed in the door code. His head throbbed with a sharp pain, and he felt utterly exhausted probably from the lack of sleep. All he wanted was to spend hours under a hot shower and then sleep for days.

When he opened the door, the first thing he noticed were the shoes. Lifting his gaze, his eyes met Do Jae’s, who looked terrified, sitting stiffly on the couch.

“Where were you?” his manager, Kim Hyun Min, asked before Sa Eon could say anything to his assistant. He hadn’t even realized the man was in the room. Hyun Min’s scowl and wrinkled clothes made it obvious he was furious, and had likely been there for a while.

“Baek Sa Eon.”

Sa Eon kept walking toward his bedroom, pretending not to hear him. He was too tired and fed up to deal with anything right now. But before he could take another step, a hand grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

He turned and yanked his arm back sharply.

“What are you doing?”

“I asked you a question. Where the hell were you all night that you couldn’t pick up your fucking phone?”

He was using that tone. The one Sa Eon hated, the one that sounded like a scolding father; as if Sa Eon were a child who needed to obey, not an adult who could make his own decisions.

He clenched his jaw. “It’s none of your business. You shouldn’t even be in my apartment. Get out.”

Park Do Jae stood up from the couch, clearly tense. He knew exactly where Sa Eon had been and with whom, but he hadn’t said anything to Kim Hyun Min and he had probably taken the heat for it.

“Do you realize the kind of contract you just lost today?” Kim shouted. Sa Eon simply looked away and sighed, clearly done with this conversation. “The brand reps were pissed off because you didn’t show up. They’re probably not going to reschedule.”

“Make something up. Isn’t that what you always do?” he shot back, dropping the act of the obedient artist.

Manager Kim tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. “Why are you acting like this?”

Sa Eon scoffed and turned back toward the hallway, heading for his room. “I don’t owe you any explanation about my personal life, Hyun Min.”

“This is about her, isn’t it? About Hong Hee Joo?” Hyun Min asked, his voice now more shaken. “Yesterday’s interview was with the magazine she works for. Did you meet up with her?”

The manager held the door, stopping Sa Eon from closing it. His blood began to boil, irritation rising inside him—layered with years of conflict and fights between them, years of being the agency’s obedient little puppy.

“How do you know she works for that magazine?”

“What did she tell you?”

“She needed me. She was hurt,” he replied, low and cold, not willing to give any more details.

Manager Kim let out a short, hysterical laugh, his eyes wide.

“She said she needed you? That girl came running back to you again?”

Sa Eon clenched his fist. “I went to her.”

Hyun Min stepped closer, looking slightly up due to their height difference.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me. No, seriously—you have to be. After all this time, how are you still such a fool for some bitch who only gets in the way of your career?”

Sa Eon didn’t even think. He shoved him against the hallway wall, forearm pressed to the man’s chest. Hyun Min closed his eyes as the back of his head hit the hard surface.

“Sir,” Do Jae called out, trying to pull Sa Eon’s arm back. But his instincts were clouded, hearing Hee Joo’s name dragged through the mud made his blood roar in his ears.

“Don’t you dare insult her, you fucking asshole,” he growled, raising his voice. “Don’t even say Hee Joo’s name.”

“What happened to all that hatred? She cheated on you, and now you’re out here defending her? Playing caretaker?”

From that close, Sa Eon could smell the stench of alcohol and cigarettes on his breath. The guy had probably been drinking for hours, his usual poison, in his own apartment.

“Shut the fuck up.”

“What lies did she feed you? Tell me what she said,” he shouted, panic starting to creep into his shaky voice.

“Why are you so desperate to know?” Sa Eon shot back, breathing hard, his mind spinning.

“It’s your career on the line. Everything I do is for you, you ungrateful little shit, and I’m not gonna let everything I built go down the drain because of some girl who should’ve just kept quiet.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Hyun Min’s body tensed. He looked over at Do Jae, searching for help. Sa Eon slammed him against the wall again.

“What do you mean she should’ve kept quiet?!” he shouted, furious.

“Sa Eon, just drop it, okay?” the man closed his eyes, raising both hands in surrender. His whole body trembled. “I’ll… I’ll call the brand reps and try to reschedule the photoshoot.”

A moment ago he was arrogant as ever, and now he was all cooperative? Sa Eon loosened his grip and let him go. Hyun Min ran a hand down his chest and breathed heavily.

“Fucking idiot. I should cancel your contract right now,” he muttered to himself but Sa Eon heard it clearly in the silence.

“Sir, are you okay?” Do Jae asked from where he stood.

Sa Eon shook his head, overwhelmed, running his hands through his hair. “Do Jae… who was with the team at that show in the U.S.?”

He didn’t need to say which show. Do Jae knew exactly what he meant.

“He wasn’t there. He was the only one who stayed in Korea.”

“What are you two talking about?” Manager Kim barked, angry.

“That sudden change. The fear in Hee Joo’s eyes. You were the one that made her break up with me,” Sa Eon said, turning to face Hyun Min again. “You kept dropping hints, asking if we’d broken up yet, saying how relationships ruin other artists careers… Then she ended things, and not long after, you offered me that damn renewal. You kept pushing those therapy sessions, acting all supportive, and I was stupid enough to think you were being sincere.”

The man raised an eyebrow, mocking. “So what? That’s the reason you’re where you are now. Don’t come crying to me like you actually care more about love than fame or money. You were gonna get tired of her eventually, I just sped things up. You were lazy as hell when you were dating.”

“You bastard,” Sa Eon shouted, punching him in the face. The adrenaline was so strong he didn’t even feel the impact just got ready to hit him again. But Do Jae grabbed him hard. "You ruined my life."

“I ruined your life?” Hyun Min snapped back, holding his jaw. “I gave you a life. A rich, successful one. So you could have any woman you wanted, and yet you’re still obsessed with her?”

Sa Eon was completely out of it. He tried to break free from Do Jae’s grip, but his friend was using all his strength to hold him back.

“I’m gonna kill you. If you say her name again, I swear, I’ll kill you with my own hands.”

“Sa Eon, don’t give him what he wants,” Do Jae pleaded, nearly breathless. “If you beat him up, he can press charges, and you’ll lose everything.”

Sa Eon’s rage dimmed a bit at his words. “He deserves a beating.”

“I know. But you’ve got something to lose now, brother.”

Do Jae was right. Sa Eon hated that he was, because all he wanted was to smash that man’s face in but deep down, he knew his friend was right. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

“Yeah, that’s right. Listen to him. If you get on your knees and apologize, I might even consider forgiving you,” Kim slurred, smirking with drunken arrogance.

That crooked little smile, that slurred voice...Sa Eon’s whole body heated up, fists clenched tight.

“I’ll never apologize to a piece of shit like you,” he hissed through gritted teeth.

“Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do? Break your contract and sign with some other agency?” the manager sneered, holding his swollen eye. “You know damn well if you try that, I’ll make sure you never set foot on a big stage again.”

“I haven’t decided yet,” he admitted, honestly. “I’m not in the right headspace to negotiate right now. But I’m not under your control anymore, Hyun Min.”

The laugh Kim let out made Sa Eon’s stomach twist with disgust.

“You really think you can win this? You’re either cocky or stupid.”

“I can’t fight your influence. But what if I decide to let everyone know about the fun little substances you use?” Sa Eon threatened, playing his card. The manager’s face instantly shifted from smug to nervous. “That’s the kind of thing that actually ruins a career in this country.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” he stammered, chest rising and falling fast, blinking rapidly.

Sa Eon stepped closer.

“Try me,” he said quietly. “I might lose the big brand deals, and that’s fine. But you? You’ll rot in prison if they start digging into all the shady shit you’ve done to get where you are.”

It was true. And it was the only leverage Sa Eon had. All the rumors, the shady behavior, the sketchy finances—things he’d always suspected but never had the energy to dig into. Now? He’d do anything. Move heaven, earth and hell if that’s what it took to free himself and protect Hee Joo.

Hyun Min mumbled something under his breath, alcohol and fear clouding his brain.

“Well,” Sa Eon said, forcing a smile, “glad we’re on the same page for now. Now get out of here before I change my mind and beat your ass so bad we end up as cellmates.”

The look Kim gave him could’ve killed if it were a weapon, but instead of talking back, he just swallowed hard and walked toward the exit. Sa Eon hoped he wouldn’t forget any of this when the hangover hit but the black eye he’d wake up with would probably keep the memory intact.

He let out a few long breaths, pressing his fingers to his eyes and realizing he was crying. He had refused to cry in front of Kim, but now the emotions were hitting him all at once, and he felt like he was drowning again—in guilt, in shame, in disgust for himself.

I failed her.

I let him manipulate her.

“Sa Eon?” Do Jae’s voice pulled him back, making him look up. His fingers wiped his face quickly, and he patted his friend’s shoulder in silent gratitude.

“Thanks for being here today,” he said sincerely. “Go home, and don’t answer any calls from that bastard. I’ll handle this and I don’t want you doing anything that could hurt you.”

“Yes, brother,” Do Jae replied.

Sa Eon gave him a sad, tired smile and gently squeezed his arm before walking away.

There was something he needed to get back.

Something he should’ve never lost in the first place.

｡ 𖦹 °

The way to Hee Joo’s apartment was a blur. Sa Eon hadn’t even realized he’d arrived. He was probably going to have to watch his mail in the next few weeks, because chances were, he’d run a few red lights and sped the whole way there.

He had spent the entire drive trying to hold back tears, but the feeling pressing down on his chest was merciless. Two years without the love of his life because of a lie. Because of manipulation.

His fingers were trembling when he knocked on the door. The seconds Hee Joo took to answer felt like a torturous eternity.

Her eyes widened when she opened the door, then scanned his face and fear washed over hers. “Sa Eon? What happened?” she asked, confused and clearly shaken by the surprise.

His mind was a mess, too scattered to form coherent thoughts.

“I’m sorry, Hee Joo. I should’ve seen it…” he choked out, leaning forward.

“What?”

“I’m sorry, please, I’m so sorry,” was all he could repeat, like some miserable mantra.

She gently touched his arm, and that small gesture made him look at her. “Come in.”

He stepped inside when she moved to let him through. He was basically on autopilot.

He vaguely noticed how her apartment looked exactly like it did two years ago, with just a few subtle changes. She never had pictures of them on the walls since their relationship was a secret, but Hee Joo always kept little things that reminded her of him.

And all of them were still there, around him.

Her keys had a butterfly keychain he’d given her, the book on the coffee table was his favorite—the one she’d bought after hearing him talk about it. The mug on the table was from a set they used together. And on the wall, instead of a photo, there was a drawing he had made.

He was never much of an draw artist—his thing was music—but that day, he had drawn a small house by the beach and two people standing in front of it, seen from behind. Nothing fancy, but he remembered promising her that one day, they’d have a life like that. Quiet. Happy.

That promise had been broken, and yet, she’d never taken the drawing down. He heard himself let out a sob as tears started falling down his face again.

“I’ll get you some water,” Hee Joo said. She was clearly nervous, unsure of what to do. He held her hand, carefully, not pulling too hard.

“Wait,” he whispered, sniffling. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to focus, then gently led her to the couch.

Sa Eon stayed standing by her side, and Hee Joo just waited quietly, giving him time to pull himself together. She didn’t say anything. No judgment in her gaze. She simply let him exist.

“You should’ve told me, Hee Joo. I would’ve found a way,” he whispered once he could breathe again, finally meeting her eyes.

“What are you… talking about?” she asked but her watery gaze gave her away. She knew.

“I found out everything.”

Her lip quivered, and a shaky breath escaped her. “I—”

“Kim Hyun Min. I know he threatened you, and I don’t know exactly what he said, but it was manipulation. That’s all it was,” he said, swallowing hard. Sa Eon knelt down in front of her, taking her hand in his. “And I’m fucking furious. At him. At myself. For being so blind and for not protecting you. But I swear, I’m gonna ruin that bastard. He’s not getting away with this.”

“Wait… does he know you’re here?” she asked, looking toward the door like she expected someone to barge in. “Sa Eon, you shouldn’t be doing this. Just let it go and—”

He brought his hands to her face, gently guiding her eyes back to him. His thumbs brushed away the tears on her cheeks as she sniffled.

“Forget?” Sa Eon echoed. “Hee Joo, you were the only thing in my life that reminded me I was still human. Loving you was what made me someone. Now I just write, sing, and dance day after day like a machine. He took you from me and turned me into a product and I didn’t even had the will to fight back. But that’s changed. I’m not going to let him get away of hurting you.”

He was sure of what he wanted to do. For her.

“You can’t go against him. Your entire career depends on it,” Hee Joo whimpered. She was crying like a scared child, and his chest tightened under the weight of it, thinking how all that coldness she’d shown him was nothing but a mask for everything she had gone through. She’d been alone through all of it—tricked, threatened—and had no one to lean on.

“I don’t care about any of that,” he said, throwing his hands up.

“Well, I did. That’s why…” Hee Joo shouted, hitting her hand against her chest. She lowered her head and sobbed. “That’s why I lied to you, Sa Eon. I would rather have my heart ripped to pieces than see our relationship destroy your life.”

“How could being with you ever destroy my life?”

“Kim Hyun Min said he’d terminate your contract. That you needed him. I didn’t want you to lose everything you worked so hard for just because I was selfish. Music is your life and I couldn’t be the reason you lost your dream.”

Sa Eon shook his head, overwhelmed by the misunderstandings that had destroyed them. Hong Hee Joo had been loved so wrongly for so long that she never truly understood the depth of his devotion. She was the center of his world—he wrote verse after verse about her, whispered affirmations in her ear in the middle of the night—and she had always doubted it, as if she didn’t deserve to be loved like that. It had always haunted him. He never knew how to make her see it.

“You were my life. All of my dreams included you,” he said, voice breaking, his eyes blurry with tears. “Hee Joo, if you had just told me what he said, I would’ve confronted Kim Hyun Min without a second thought.”

She blinked repeatedly, breath shallow.

“I thought it was the right thing. I thought you’d be happier this way.”

“How could I ever be happy without you? I would’ve done anything. I don’t understand how you let me believe you didn’t care and how you went through this all alone.”

Hee Joo let out a painful smile through her tears. Her eyes found his, red and shining.

“Because I loved you… with everything I had. I thought maybe it would fade one day, but you’re everywhere. You live in my head when I’m awake and haunt my dreams when I’m asleep. And it hurts so much to love you like this.”

Sa Eon froze.

Her words vibrated through his entire body, making his heart pound, healing some deep, raw place inside him.
All this time she had loved him back. She had thought of him even on the days when he felt most alone, the days when he believed he had disappeared from the world.

He had always been grateful for his fans, and he truly loved them. Thousands of voices singing his songs would give him chills and make him emotional but it was Hee Joo’s voice, just one single voice, that he wanted to hear forever, saying she loved him.

His throat tightened and he tried to speak, but no words felt enough to express the feeling glowing in his chest. His hands trembled as he brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“I won’t let anyone hurt you again,” he whispered, just for her, even though they were alone. “I’d even give up music… God, I’d do anything you asked, all you have to do is ask me.”

Her eyes widened. “Don’t say that. You’re not thinking clearly.”

“I am.”

“And in a few years? What if one day you wake up tired of me, regretting you never reached your full potential? I don’t want that to be my fault.”

There it was again—guilt, and all the what-ifs haunting her. He frowned, unable to hide the disgust he felt just thinking about Kim Hyun Min.

“Is that the crap he made you believe all this time? Hong Hee Joo, all I’ve ever wanted was to make you happy and be happy with you. I’ve got things on him and I can win this. But you need to trust me. Can you do that?”

Hee Joo leaned forward, resting her forehead on his shoulder. “I’m so scared.”

Sa Eon immediately wrapped his arms around her and shifted to sit on the couch in a way that wouldn’t press on her injured clavicle. He pulled her gently against his chest, resting his chin on top of her head.

“You don’t have to be. You’re safe now. I’m here, and I… I’m going to be so good to you. I just need you to let me.”

“Sa Eon…”

“I love you,” he said, when she looked up at him. His voice trembled, but he kept going, heart wide open just for her. “It’s like I’ve been drowning, and this is the first time in forever that I can actually breathe. I tried to fight it, but I never could because it’s natural. It’s inevitable. I was born to love you.”

She nodded slowly, for the first time without hesitation. “I trust you.”

Sa Eon closed his eyes and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. Then he wiped her tears and kissed her cheeks, just below her eyes, a silent promise that she didn’t need to cry anymore.

They were so close now, so close that the soft brush of her breath against his lips made him feel like he might burst into flames.

Hee Joo filled every corner of his mind. He was so aware of her skin on his, her scent, her name echoing in his head. And then, just like breathing, his lips found hers.

Sa Eon grazed her mouth with his own, slow and gentle, asking for permission. Letting her set the pace. He was hers completely, her servant. If she chose him, he’d serve her for the rest of his life.

Hee Joo gasped and closed the space between them, her lips soft and damp, tasting like unspoken promises and aching desire. He cupped her face with one hand, the other wrapping around her waist.

Then his tongue slid against hers and he kissed her, again and again and again—with the hunger of a man starved for the only woman he had ever loved, the only one he would love until the day he died.

“There’s never been anyone else,” he murmured against her lips, his fingers tangling in her hair. “You’ve always been the only one.”

He wasn’t lying. After their breakup, he had gone to parties with friends, dark places filled with faceless touches, and he hated every second of it. It felt wrong, disgusting. Even when he thought she had someone else, it still felt awful—for him and for the women who didn’t deserve to be used as a bandage for his emptiness. That’s why he started avoiding those events, choosing sleeping pills and alcohol instead.

“There was never another man,” she whispered, eyes still closed, cheeks flushed. “That was the worst part... pretending I could ever want someone else when I already had you.”

He pressed his lips back to hers, firmer this time, hungrier for the taste of her. His arms tried to ease her down onto the couch, the movement tender despite the heat of his kiss but Hee Joo whimpered in pain and touched his chest.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked, worried, lifting himself with his hands so he wouldn’t put pressure on her.

“A little,” she said, gently touching her clavicle.

“I’m sorry,” he said, guilt washing over him for letting desire get ahead of her well-being. He was supposed to be the one making sure she healed. “I’m trying to control myself.”

Hee Joo must’ve found the situation or his concern funny, because she burst into laughter. Her real laugh, bright and unguarded. That smile, that sound… he’d only seen it in the sweetest corners of his memories, and now it was right here. His heart raced so fast he thought it might kill him and he’d die happy.

He smiled with her and watched her, entranced.

“What is it?” she asked.

“I just want to remember the exact moment I fell in love with you again.”

Her cheeks turned pink, and he adjusted to lie beside her, the couch barely wide enough for both.

“I missed you so much, Sa Eon,” she confessed, looking at him sideways, eyes glassy. He laced their fingers and kissed the back of her hand.

“I missed you too. Every single day,” he said, then let out a short laugh. “I wrote like a thousand songs about it.”

Hee Joo gave him a guilty little smile.

“You listened to them?”

She looked up at the ceiling, thinking.

“I heard one or two somewhere. I just… I couldn’t. Whenever I heard your voice, I wanted to cry.”

“Good.”

A crease formed between her brows. “Why? Did you say a bunch of terrible things about me?”

Sa Eon shook his head. “I’d never do that, not even if I could hate you. They’re just about how I was a miserable and maybe pathetic man.”

“I’m sorry. I messed everything up for almost two years and couldn’t even read you right,” she murmured, swallowing hard. “I thought you were okay. Your career’s fine, and your new album got great reviews.”

“We always have to look like we’re okay. Beautiful, happy, healthy. That’s the mask of the music industry, even when everything behind the scenes is the complete opposite.”

“I hate this.”

“It’s hard. But someday, things will get better.”

Sa Eon realized just how tired he was of that world. Just thinking about going through more years of that work made his chest tighten with anxiety.

The only thing stopping him from quitting was the respect and gratitude he had for the people who supported him. And while he loved them, he also carried a little bitterness—because he didn’t understand how people could say they loved someone, but be upset when that person was happy.

One day, he’d tell the whole world—clear as day—about his love for Hee Joo and how she had saved his life more than once. And he hoped his fans would be happy for him.

“Do you promise things will be okay?” Hee Joo asked, unsure. Sa Eon gave her fingers a soft squeeze.

“Hong Hee Joo, I can’t promise a normal life. But I’ll do everything I can, every second of every day, to make it the happiest one. That’s my promise to you.”

A single tear rolled down her cheek, and Hee Joo smiled, leaning in for a quick kiss. “Thank you for existing.”

“I love you. Forever.”

There were many things Sa Eon couldn’t control. But he would never stop fighting to make sure his career didn’t hurt her. He wanted her to work, to do whatever she wanted, without being harassed by the media or terrible people. It would be nearly impossible but he’d give every drop of blood, sweat, and tears for it.

Hee Joo was the most certain thing he’d ever had. His greatest win. He could see their future so clearly now—just soft, quiet days after all the storms they’d been through. It was good. And it was theirs.