Chapter Text
“I’m going to work now, babe. Last day.”
Eve’s voice was low and honey-smooth in the dark. Villanelle had woken to a careful dip in the edge of the mattress, and a hand sifting through the baby curls by her ear. She had opened her eyes briefly, to the dark, gloomy room and the bright light in the hallway. She promptly closed them again, feeling familiarly fuzzy around the edges but too laden with sleep to ask Eve to stay.
“Mmh,” she grunted in response.
“Sleepyhead,” Eve murmured affectionately, bending down to kiss Villanelle’s temple. “See you soon, Vil, be good. I love you.”
Eve received another sleepy mumble in response, and then Villanelle was back to sleep.
***
Villanelle had forgotten what it was like to slip back into childhood years when she was alone. Before, it always happened when she was alone, but now that she had Eve it very rarely happened without Eve near. Being little used to be about fear, uncertainty, a response to something awful. These days, it was just as much about being safe and secure and wanting to be little in Eve’s company. Villanelle had forgotten the dread of being completely alone as she slipped and fell within herself.
She stood there in the kitchen, having just been to the bathroom and having just changed out of her pyjamas, and suddenly nothing made much sense. She forgot what it was she was about to do, what she had just done, and with the sinking feeling of dread only a small child can feel, she remembered that Eve wasn’t home. A knot formed in her stomach, a sharp lump sat in her throat. Oksana clenched and unclenched her fists. This was all wrong — she should be big, she should be capable, she should be able to be alone for a few hours while Eve works. She should be all of those things, but she isn’t. She’s little and she’s scared and she’s needy. She sniffles and bites down on her knuckles, forcing herself not to cry, and it only makes her think of lonely nights in her childhood bed, and her pink bathtub in Paris, and the long train-ride home from Russia.
She isn’t sure what brought her to do this, perhaps there is a voice of reason deep within, but she padded over to the front door. Oksana’s eyes scanned the pairs of shoes by the door. The choices were overwhelming and she ended up not taking any at all. Oksana fiddled with the lock and opened the door, and only when she stepped out on the cobble stairs did she realise that it was pouring rain. Oksana’s stomach flipped as the cold rain trickled under her shirt, down her back. But there was no turning back now, she convinced herself, and began to walk along the gravel road.
The lights are on in Elsie and Siobhan’s house. The sound of rain drowns out everything else, she’s soaked to the bone, the soles of her feet are sore, and she’s shivering to the point that her hand trembles as she reaches for the doorbell.
When Siobhan opens the door, she’s already dressed and alert despite the relatively early hour.
“Villanelle!” Siobhan looked very surprised.
Oksana shook her head. Siobhan frowned with confusion, her eyes widening once she realised.
“Oksana?” she said with so much concern. “Oh, chicken, come in, love. Come here.”
That was all it took for the tears to come streaming down Oksana’s face. She stepped inside and Siobhan quickly shut the door. Oksana stood on the prickly doormat, dripping with rain, her breath shaking with the urge to cry. She must look like something awful has happened.
“Elsie!”
Siobhan’s wife appeared around the corner and looked just as surprised to see the girl.
“Siobhan, what’s—” Elsie looked at Oksana, and then at her wife. “What’s wrong?”
“No idea,” Siobhan shook her head. “Will you bring her a towel?”
“Yes, yes, of course,” said Elsie and disappeared again.
Siobhan tried to rub some warmth into Oksana’s cold arms. Her warm, green eyes looked at Oksana, who looked at the floor, weeping. Elsie came back and handed a large towel to Siobhan. Oksana looked like a ghost, her normally wavy hair hanging pin straight like a curtain around her face, her thin t-shirt clinging to her like a wet second skin. Siobhan wrapped the towel around her, continuing to try to rub and pat some warmth into her.
“Oksana, dear, what’s the matter?” Elsie asked, trying to meet Oksana’s eyes. “Where’s Eve? Where’s … where’s your mummy, sweetie?”
Oksana hiccuped. “She’s wo—working.”
Elsie and Siobhan shared a look of relief — judging by the state of Oksana, it could appear that something worse had happened. Siobhan tutted sympathetically.
“I see, sweetheart,” Siobhan said. “Do you know for how long?”
Oksana shook her head. She rubbed her eyes and let out a lonely, sad little sob. Siobhan continued to dry her off, until Elsie poked her arm. “She didn’t take any shoes.”
“Poor girl,” Siobhan murmured. “Oksana. Are your feet okay, darling? You don’t have any shoes on.”
Oksana brushed her feet against the doormat, scraping away some gravel. Then she simply nodded. Her neighbours were being very kind, but she felt so upset that she wanted to curl up in a ball and cry until Eve came home.
“I’m guessing Eve had no idea that you were to wake up so young today,” said Siobhan, rubbing Oksana’s arm. “Have you had anything to eat?”
“No,” Oksana hiccuped again. If today were a normal day, she would’ve already had some milk, and Eve would have the porridge on the stove, and Oksana would be watching her morning TV. “No.”
“Well, I say we get that sorted out,” Siobhan insisted. “Going on an empty belly won’t help at all, will it?”
“And we should find you some warm socks,” Elsie added. She laid a guiding hand on Oksana’s back. “Come along, chicken, and Siobhan will make you some breakfast in the meantime.”
Oksana, who was starting to believe that her feet were glued to the doormat, followed Elsie to a room down the hall. Maybe their bedroom, she reasoned as she eyed the photos on the walls. Elsie made her sit on the ottoman while she looked for a pair of socks. Oksana saw herself in the full length mirror on the wall. Tall, with long legs and strong arms. A pale pink towel around her. Soaking wet with slouched shoulders, wearing a child’s desperate face. Seeing herself in the mirror was always a confusing experience.
“These should be good,” Elsie hummed. “Do you need help?”
Oksana nodded quietly, and then she curled with embarrassment. But Elsie just smiled kindly, accentuating the wrinkles around her blue eyes. She slipped a pair of socks, presumably knitted by either herself or her wife, onto Oksana’s cold feet. The wool was pale with colourful speckles, and Oksana found herself mesmerised by the simple thing.
“Those are very pretty, aren’t they?” Elsie had noticed the way Oksana looked at the socks. Oksana nodded. “I’m glad you like them.”
Noticing that Oksana seemed a little shivery, Elsie took a cardigan from a hook on the door and replaced the towel with it.
“Now let’s see about that breakfast, love, I’m sure there’s something good waiting for you.”
Elsie guided Oksana out to the kitchen, where Siobhan had set the table for her. “Oh my, look at that,” said Elsie, rubbing Oksana’s back. “Have a seat.”
Oksana sat down, timidly nipping at her thumb. In front of her was a colourful porcelain plate of scones, with butter and marmalade. Siobhan, who’d been standing at the stove, returned to the table. She set down a mug with hand-painted sheep on it in front of Oksana. It was warm, still steaming, and Oksana recognised the scent.
Siobhan stroked her cheek with the back of her fingers. “Eve told us a while ago that you prefer your milk warm,” she said. “I put some cinnamon in it, I’m not sure what your mummy usually does.”
“Thanks,” Oksana lisped, somehow remembering her manners. No, they probably couldn’t quite figure out what Eve usually does. “I like cinnamon.”
Siobhan said nothing, instead pulling out a chair and having a seat next to Oksana to make sure she ate. She had understood that food wasn’t always easy. Her wife squeezed her shoulder. “I’m calling Eve,” Elsie said quietly. “She should know.”
***
Eve is almost grateful to hear her phone ring. The last day before her four week leave had turned out to be dreadfully boring, yet entirely mandatory. She flicks out of her work tab on her computer and fishes her phone out of her bag. Relief quickly turns to worry when she sees that it’s Elsie calling her. She rises from her desk and answers the phone as she exits the office.
“Hello?” she says, pushing past two colleagues and leaving the building. “Elsie?”
“Eve, hi,” said Elsie. “You free to talk?”
“Yes, yes, I’m free,” Eve said. “Is there something wrong?”
“Everything is okay,” Elsie assured her calmly. “But, ah, one could say Siobhan and I were rather surprised when we opened the door to find Oksana on our doorstep at half past eight in the morning.”
Eve’s heart stopped for a nanosecond. “Come again?”
Elsie laughed softly, which did at least help assure Eve that everything really was fine. “Yeah. There was a knock on the door, Siobhan opened, and there she stood. It was pouring rain outside, oh she was completely soaked, the poor thing. No shoes, no coat,” she explained. “She was crying and we let her in, of course. Got her warm and dry. Siobhan is making sure she’s having some breakfast as we speak. She told us you were at work.”
It was a lot of information to take in at once. Eve ran a hand through her hair. “Oh, god,” she mumbled, rubbing her face. “Poor baby, god, I had no idea she would wake up little today. Usually there’s like, some sort of sign the night before.”
“And sometimes there isn’t,” Elsie stated matter-of-factly. “I wasn’t calling to yell, Eve, don’t worry. Something like this, you … well, you can’t control it, can you? You can’t, she can’t. Sometimes she’s just young. And she was at least smart enough to come to us.”
“Yes, um,” Eve mumbled, smiling, and suddenly there were tears pricking at her eyes. “Yeah, she’s very smart. Is she, um, is she very little?”
“Well, I don’t know her like you do … but she’s not saying much,” said Elsie. “And she needed some help putting socks on.”
Eve smiled. “So pretty small,” she said. Then she sighed. “I can’t come home. I have a meeting that I really need to attend. I’m working a half day, though. It’s my last for the summer. I’ll be home after lunch, but, um, if you can’t look after her I’ll try to—”
“Nonsense, Eve, of course we’ll let her stay,” Elsie said. “She’ll be okay. I was mostly calling just to let you know, and to ask what we should keep I mind.”
“Thank you, Elsie,” said Eve. She scratched her head. “I mean, she’s not … well, I shouldn’t say that she can’t be difficult to navigate, but I don’t think you’ll have any trouble. What’s she eating?”
“Scones. And Siobhan made her a cup of warm milk, we figured that might be a comfort,” said Elsie.
Eve smiled again at how thoughtful the couple was. “That sounds nice, she likes that,” she said. “Then I’d say lunch before twelve, and a nap after that if you can convince her. Before then, just … do what you usually do when she’s at your house.”
“Alright, Eve. That’s what we’ll do,” Elsie hummed. “Do you want to have a little chat with her?”
“As much as I want to,” Eve said, and it really did tug at her heart. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Hearing me but knowing I can’t come to her, I think that’ll just break her heart.”
“You’re right,” Elsie chuckled. “She’s quite the mummy’s girl, isn’t she? We’ll try to keep her spirits up, and I don’t want you to worry, Eve.”
“I’ll try,” Eve assured her. “If you run into any trouble, just call. I’ll make sure I can answer.”
“Will do,” said Elsie. “Have a good day, Eve, we’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Bye, Elsie,” said Eve. “Tell her I love her, and I’ll be home soon.”
When Elsie returns to the kitchen, it’s to the sound of crying. Oksana is hunched over, head in her hands, sobbing quietly. Siobhan has scooted closer to her, and she rubs circles into her back, murmuring kindness to her. Oksana, in spite of her tall frame, looks small and vulnerable.
“Chicken …” Siobhan said quietly. “What’s the matter?”
Oksana sniffled. “I miss mommy,” she whispered. “I need her.”
“I know you do,” Siobhan said with compassion. “I bet this day feels all sorts of upside down. But Eve is working, darling, she can’t come just yet. You’ll have to make do with us. Elsie just had a talk with her.”
Oksana looked up at Siobhan’s wife. Her face was all red, with tears still rolling down her cheeks, snot in her nose. “You talked with mommy?”
“Mhm, I sure did,” said Elsie. “She wanted me to remind you that she loves you very much, and she also said she’ll be home in just a few hours. While you wait, she wanted you to have a nice time with us.”
Oksana sniffled loudly again. “Okay,” she said, sounding very hesitant. Being left always gave her a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. A gnawing worry. “But she’s coming home to me.”
“Yes, love, she’s coming home,” Elsie said.
“You should drink up your milk, dear,” Siobhan reminded. “Right?”
She gave the still hot mug to Oksana. Oksana took it from her and brought it to her mouth. The milk was warm and sweet. Siobhan gently brushed her fingers through Oksana’s damp hair, and if Oksana closed her eyes as she sipped the warm milk, she could almost picture herself in Eve’s arms instead. That faint feeling of comfort was enough to motivate her to drink the rest of her mug.
“Good job,” said Siobhan, patting her back lightly. “Do you want to watch something on the telly?”
Oksana frowned and tilted her head to the side. “Telly?”
“The TV,” Elsie clarified, eyes twinkling with mirth. “We have some movies that mummy says you like. Do you want to come take a look in the box?”
Oksana sucked the tip of her pinky finger. “Mhm.”
Elsie gave her a big smile. “Yes? Oh, come along, then,” she said, standing from her seat. “We have, ah, Winnie the Pooh, and we’ve got lots of Disney, really … have you watched Disney movies much, Oksana?”
Oksana shrugged shyly as she padded after Elsie. She didn’t really know what Disney meant. She answered with what she knew. “I like Elsa,” she said timidly. “Um, Elsa with the horse, and, and, the forest.”
Elsie smiled with furrowed brows. “I’m not sure I know that one, darling,” she said as she pulled out a wooden crate from the bottom of a shelf.
A knot formed in Oksana’s belly. Eve would know. She understands all of Oksana’s vague descriptions. She chewed on her fingertip, trying to stifle the fire that was catching in her chest. She made a few frustrated hops.
“It’s—it’s with Elsa,” she clarified, sniffling. “Mommy knows.”
It tugged at Elsie’s heartstrings, the sadness in Oksana’s voice. “I bet she knows,” she said softly. “But, hey, have a look through the box. Maybe we have it after all, love, this box is full of surprises.”
Oksana sank to her knees on the rug and began to sort through the DVDs and the Blu-rays. She recognised several of them, and she wondered when Eve had told Elsie and Siobhan all of these things. They seemed to know, at least on a basic level, what she liked and didn’t like. She stopped when she found something very familiar.
“There!” she exclaimed, pulling a movie out of the box. She handed it to Elsie. “There. Elsa.”
Elsie turned the movie right-side up. “Oh,” she laughed softly. “Frozen 2. Is that your favourite?”
“Mhm,” Oksana nodded quickly. “I know all the songs, and, and, um, I have a doll. Elsa and her horse.”
“Yes, I can see her horse here. That’s very impressive, dear,” Elsie smiled. “Go get comfortable on the sofa and I’ll pop this in for you.”
Oksana walked over to their sofa. She sat in the corner, with her knees to her chest, watching as Elsie put the disc in and turned on the TV. Today wasn’t as warm, so she found herself reaching after a blanket. Oksana tugged a blanket towards her from the middle of the sofa and her heart nearly leapt into her throat with fright when a disgruntled meow followed the movement. Under the blanket laid one of their cats. The black, long-haired old one that, as Oksana now remembered, preferred to hide out when there were guests.
“Kitty!” she squeaked.
Elsie turned around and laughed softly. “Oh, that’s where she was. I was wondering,” she said. “That’s Hilma, do you remember?”
Oksana nodded shyly. Hilma blinked her bleary eyes and shook her head. Then she stood up, raised her back in a big stretch, and to Oksana’s great surprise she padded over to her. Hilma looked up, bumped her head against Oksana’s arm, and then curled up next to her, already purring. Oksana stared at her, unblinking, hand hovering in the air above the cat’s small head. So afraid to touch, to harm, to frighten, yet so eager to feel the softness of fur.
“Hilma has a sixth sense, you know,” said Elsie. “She had a feeling you were upset. That’s why she’s purring.”
“Oh,” Oksana mumbled. She withdrew her hand. Maybe she would feel brave enough later.
Elsie pressed play and laid the remote within reach. “Enjoy your movie,” she said, stroking Oksana’s hair. “Shout if you need us, dear, we’ll be nearby.”
When the movie is over, Oksana says nothing. She sits there with her knees to her chest, chin on her knees, and wonders what Eve is doing now. Is she in a meeting? Is she talking on the phone? Is she typing on her computer? Is she thinking about Oksana?
Siobhan comes into the living room. She sees that the credits are playing, and so she turns off the TV. “Hey, love,” she said, giving her a kind smile. When Oksana looks at her, she sees that she’s wearing a raincoat. “I’m going out to check on the sheep. Do you want to come along?”
Oksana caught her lip between her teeth and smiled shyly. “Yes,” she said. “Now?”
“Yes, now,” Siobhan nodded. “We’ll have to find you a coat, then, and some gumboots.”
Oksana left the couch and, out of pure habit, grabbed Siobhan’s hand as she followed her. Siobhan grabbed a coat from the coat hanger and held it out in front of her. She hummed. “This might fit you,” she said. “But you are quite tall, darling, taller than we are. Maybe it doesn’t matter much for such a quick task.”
Siobhan helped Oksana into the red coat, and it was indeed a little small. The sleeves ended above her wrists. But it was roomy enough that Siobhan could zip it all the way to her chin.
“Mommy says all of me is long,” said Oksana, waving her arms in the air, stretching a leg out in front of her. “S’why she can’t carry me.”
Siobhan smiled. “Well, she’s right about that,” she said. “But it’s a shame she can’t carry you, isn’t it?”
Oksana nodded, chin to her chest. “She says she wants to.”
“I bet,” Siobhan said, grabbing a pair of green, dirty gumboots. “She makes up for it in other ways, doesn’t she?”
“Mhm,” Oksana agreed, balancing on one foot as Siobhan helped her coordinate herself enough to fit her other foot into the boot. “She’s very nice.”
Siobhan laughed softly. “Mummies are supposed to be, aren’t they?” she said, letting Oksana outside.
Oksana hopped down the stairs to the gravel. It was still raining, but not nearly as much as when she had come to their house this morning. The girl looked to be in thought.
“Maybe,” she said. “Not mine.”
Siobhan laid a hand on Oksana’s back. “No?” said the older woman. She had figured as much. Eve had told her tiny morsels of information, but really, the two were rather secretive. “Is that … does that have to do with why you’ve got Eve as your mummy now?”
Oksana shrugged at first, but then she drew her chin to her chest and nodded. She tugged at her fingers as she trudged alongside Siobhan.
“My mama, she didn’t want me,” Oksana mumbled. “Mommy wants me. She even—” Oksana hiccuped, as she always did when emotions bubbled to the surface. “—she even says she wants me. All the time.”
“Of course she wants you,” said Siobhan.
Siobhan could understand Eve’s all-encompassing urge to keep Oksana so near and dear now. Her little voice, her straight-forward manner of explaining such raw hurt, the baby fat that still lingered in her cheeks. She kept her hand on Oksana’s back as they walked down to the pasture.
“Now, do you remember what to do when we go see the sheep?”
Oksana nodded. “Stay close to you, um, make sure the sheeps know I’m here, and, um, only touch if you say s’okay.”
“Yes, exactly,” Siobhan patted Oksana’s shoulder. She opened the electric fencing. “You first, dear.”
Oksana sped through the opening; she wasn’t a fan of the electric wires. Siobhan followed suit and closed the fencing again. The sheep were all huddled up in and around the pasture shelter. The lambs, who were nearly as big as the adults by now, were play-fighting with each other and seemingly annoying their mothers. All the lambs were rams, and thus would not stay on the farm, all except for Stella. She was the first lamb, therefore the biggest. Her grey-white wool was curly and thick, and she stood glued to her mother’s side. Oksana eyed the flock from afar, as Siobhan got her things in order.
“Stella,” she lisped, pointing to the nearly grown lamb. “Her, her—s’getting so big.”
“Oh, yes she is. They grow up very fast, these ones,” Siobhan agreed.
They plodded through the muddy field, boots nearly suctioning to the ground in some spots. Siobhan went about her business; checking the water, making sure the shelter was intact, giving each sheep a once-over to see that they hadn’t hurt themselves during the night. Oksana stood in the middle of the shelter. The sheep had flocked around her, curious as to why Siobhan had company, and they stared at her with their strange square eyes. Oksana drew her hands to her chest and giggled nervously.
“Guys, give her some room,” Siobhan laughed, getting the sheep to scatter.
Most of the sheep lost interest rather quickly, going back to munching on their grass or bothering one another. A ewe remained by Oksana, though. She was black from head to toe, save for a few grey strands at her forehead. Her wool was thick and curly, perfect ringlets damp with rain. In the sun, her wool glowed a shade of copper.
A bright smile formed on Oksana’s lips. “She looks like mommy.”
Siobhan turned around to see which sheep Oksana meant. She laughed. “She does, actually,” she agreed. “That’s Cristina. Oddly human name for a sheep, I’m not sure how Elsie thought of it…”
“Cristina,” said Oksana, a wisp to her voice. Her hand lingered near the sheep. “I want to pet.”
“Go ahead,” Siobhan allowed. “She’s one of the cuddly ones.”
Oksana’s shaky hand made contact with the soft, damp wool on the top of Cristina’s head. She scratched gently with her fingers and the sheep blinked slowly.
***
When Eve climbs the steps up to their neighbours’ house, it feels like an eternity had passed since the phone call that morning. Really, it was just past one in the afternoon. She knocked on the door and Elsie opened it within seconds, like she’d been waiting.
“Eve!” she smiled brightly. “Come in, come in.”
“Hi Elsie,” said Eve as she stepped inside. She set a pair of shoes down on the doormat and hung a jacket on the coat hanger. “I stopped by the house before I came over, I figured she should have her own shoes on when we go back.”
“Good thinking,” said Elsie. “Oh, the poor dear. Her feet seem fine, though. Would you like some coffee? Tea?”
“Um,” Eve toed off her shoes. “I’ll have some tea. Where is she? I sort of expected her to tackle me with a hug at the door.”
Elsie chuckled. “Believe me, she would have. She’s asleep on the sofa, we managed to talk her into a nap after lunch,” she explained. “I think she needed some shut-eye. And I figured you might want to hear how things went before you take her home.”
Eve smiled. “She usually does. Did everything go okay?”
They entered the kitchen, where Siobhan had already put a teabag in each of the three mugs she’d set on the table. “Everything’s been just fine,” said Siobhan. “As it turns out, we haven’t forgotten how to handle an upset little one.”
Eve sat at the table and put her head in her hands. “I feel so bad,” she muttered. “This was a first.”
“Don’t,” insisted Siobhan as she filled Eve’s mug with water from the kettle. “She had an okay time. She watched, ah, what was it …”
“Frozen 2,” Elsie filled in.
“Right, yes. Frozen 2, after breakfast,” Siobhan smiled. “Then she went out to check on the sheep with me. Elsie laid a puzzle with her. We tried to keep her busy.”
“She wouldn’t eat any lunch, though,” said Elsie. “We didn’t feel comfortable pushing it, not when we don’t know what the trouble is.”
“That’s okay, I’ll give it another try at home. It’s always hard to eat when she’s away,” Eve assured them, taking a sip of her tea. “You know what? I’m gonna go against my own rules and wake her up early, I’ve missed her too much to wait.”
Elsie laughed heartily. “She certainly won’t mind.”
Eve stepped softly into the living room, where Oksana laid. Her chest tingled with love at the sight of her, curled up so small under a blanket, thumb in her mouth, her hair glowing golden in the sunlight that filtered through the curtains. Eve padded over to the sofa and carefully sat on the edge of it. She ran her hand along Oksana’s side, from her shoulder to her hip, and then from her shoulder down her arm. She brushed wispy, honey-blonde hair out of Oksana’s face, and she gently tickled the spot where her ear and her cheek connected.
“Oksana ...”
Oksana stirred under her hand, removing her thumb from her mouth, squeezing her eyes shut. Eve smiled and leaned forward, pressing her lips to Oksana’s temple. The sensation caused Oksana to open her eyes. A bright, uninhibited smile spread across her face.
“Mommy,” she whispered lightly, sleepily. “Mommy!”
Oksana giggled with joy, trying and failing to regulate herself with deep breaths. She stretched her hands out to Eve, who cooed and slid her arms beneath Oksana’s armpits to lift her up to sit. Eve drew Oksana close, wrapping her arms around Oksana’s sleep-warm body, feeling the quick thump of the girl’s heartbeat against her own chest.
“Calm down, sweetheart,” Eve whispered, kissing Oksana’s shoulder. “It’s okay, baby, hey. Are you so happy to see momma, huh?”
Oksana nodded rapidly, clinging to Eve. Eve stroked her back, breathing a few calm breaths in hopes that Oksana would follow suit. Oksana was quivering with excitement, but soon fell into Eve’s rhythm.
“Mommy,” Oksana mumbled into Eve’s neck, rubbing her nose against Eve’s skin. She took a slow breath. Eve could feel Oksana’s cheeks heat up. “I’m hungry.”
Eve couldn’t help but laugh softly. “Yeah, no wonder, they told me you refused lunch,” she said, gently peeling Oksana away so she could look at her. Oksana laid her head back down on the pillow, thumb lingering around her mouth again. “That’s okay. I’ll heat some food when we come home, and …” she tickled Oksana’s belly, right where her t-shirt had ridden up. “… you can even have a bit of milk, right in the middle of the day.”
Oksana covered her rosy cheeks with her hands and nodded quickly. Eve had a way of making everything feel so easy and okay, just by talking nicely, just by being there with her gentle hands and her soft hugs. The same way that Villanelle was different when she regressed, Eve was different when she was her mommy. It rounded out her edges, softened her voice, extended her patience.
Eve brought Oksana’s hand to her mouth, kissing the girl’s knuckles. “Let’s go, sweetheart. You need food in your belly and I need to change into something much more comfy.”
Oksana smiled cheekily. Eve looked so different in her professional clothes, with the knee-length skirt and the light blue, nearly white, striped button-down tucked into it, and her beautiful hair tied back in a bun. Oksana reached for the escaped curls that stuck out around Eve’s ears and forehead.
“Silly,” Eve called her, giving her stomach another tickle. “Come on, let’s go. I can hear your belly screaming for food in there.”
Oksana giggled and shook her head. “Noo,” she protested. “You can’t hear that, mommy.”
“Why, yes I can,” Eve insisted. She put her ear flat against Oksana’s soft belly. “Oh dear! She’s screaming for food, we have to go home and eat right now, I wouldn’t want to make her any angrier.”
Oksana’s giggles erupted into laughter as she shoved Eve away. She sat up, swung her legs over the edge of the sofa, and Eve pulled her up to her feet. Oksana sniffled and rubbed her eyes, feeling a little fuzzy around the edges from her interrupted nap. Eve tutted and cupped her cheeks, tilting Oksana’s head down enough that she could kiss her forehead.
“My little, little girl,” she whispered tenderly. “Let’s go say thanks and bye-bye.”
***
By the time they come home, the rain has stopped and the sun has come back out. Eve changes out of her work clothes, donning a pair of breezy trousers and a top that opens at the chest. Oksana has a bowl of soup, even if it’s summer, and she tells Eve about her day. Eve tells her all of the boring stuff she did today, and Oksana listens closely, because it can’t really be that boring when it’s about Eve.
Now, the hammock rocked them gently in the shade. The heavy rains had made the temperature drop to something bearable and the wind was light and cool. Eve laid on her back and Oksana laid at level with her chest, hand on Eve’s stomach. Eve stroked Oksana’s hair, humming. A small sniffle alerted her and she peered down at Oksana.
“Are you crying, baby?”
Oksana’s shoulders shook and she clutched Eve’s shirt tightly. A warm tear soaked through the thin fabric and Eve cooed at Oksana. It must be catching up to her, all of it.
“It’s okay,” she made sure to tell Oksana. “You’re okay now. I’m here. It’ll be just you and me for the rest of the summer, angel, there’s nothing to worry about.”
Oksana nodded, rubbing the tears out of her eyes.
“Hey,” Eve murmured. “Do you want some milk, hm?”
If there was one thing in the world that Oksana would never turn down, that would be it. She nodded timidly, watching with rapt attention as Eve moved her shirt out of the way. It felt a little strange, doing this outside, but no one can see the back of their house and the hammock is snug as a cocoon, anyway. She latched eagerly, feeling a little silly for crying; Eve was right here, and she wasn’t going anywhere. Oksana began to suckle, poking at Eve’s calves with her toes, absent-mindedly kneading at the breast with the heel of her hand.
The milk let down eventually, relieving a pressure Eve had been carrying around for a few hours; it had only been exacerbated by the panic that morning. Oksana hummed contentedly, going heavy and slack against Eve.
“My baby,” Eve whispered. She scratched Oksana’s scalp. “This is like magic, isn’t it?”
Oksana smiled around her mouthful, walking her fingers across Eve’s breast and up her breastbone. Eve smiled, taking Oksana’s hand, intertwining their fingers. It was a little magical, how the world got a dreamy haze, how her limbs turned so heavy. It seemed to wipe her previous upsets from her mind. Gone were cold, lonely childhood nights. Gone was the feeling of abandonment, gone was the fear of it, too.
There was just her own steady rhythm, the rise and fall of Eve’s chest under her, the wind tickling her skin.