Chapter Text
The hallway is cold and quiet. Jaemin's grip tightens on the luggage handle. He doesn't know why he's so nervous. This is his homecoming, or it should be. And yet when the managers asked him what time he'll move back to the dorms, something compelled him to choose the middle of the night. He reasoned he wanted one last dinner with his mom but in reality, he is so aware of how much time he’s been away.
He doesn’t feel like the same Jaemin from debut year whose back failed the group. All the more, he’s sure that the members won’t be the same as they were back when they were dancing on hoverboards. Jaemin made sure to follow as the group went through two more comebacks, got their first win, and performed in many stages. It’s what pushed him to train so hard over the last three months that one of the trainers commented it felt like Jaemin was practicing for debut all over again.
Jaemin takes a couple of deep breaths before opening the door. The dorm is silent with everyone probably asleep. He knows that from tomorrow onwards, they have meetings and schedules every day. It’s why he picked to come back tonight so that the transition would be less awkward. He toes off his sneakers quietly, right beside a pair he recognizes as Jeno’s from when Jeno visited last month.
“Hi.”
Jaemin jumps at the greeting and whirls around to find Mark of all people emerging from one of the rooms. They stare at each other. Mark looks like he woke up just a minute ago, hair flying in every direction. He's a bit taller now and his glasses are a different pair than the last time Jaemin saw him.
“Hi, hyung.” Jaemin finally says. “Sorry, was I too loud coming in?”
“No, no. I set an alarm.”
“An alarm? Do you have practice at this time? It's so late.” Jaemin looks at his watch to double check that it’s midnight.
“No practice! I may or may not have bribed the managers to let me know what time you’d arrive.” Mark answers with a sheepish grin. “Sorry, I guessed you felt awkward about coming back but I wanted to welcome you.”
Jaemin is sure he looks as surprised as he feels. While warmth instantly floods his chest, he also can’t fight the shock. Over his hiatus, the members periodically checked up on him. Jeno would meet up with him for dinners every two weeks. Donghyuck and Jisung would invite him to play online games with them. Mark had been the most quiet, undoubtedly due to his never-ending schedules. Jaemin never faulted him for it, but cherished each random text Mark would send every few weeks or so to ask how Jaemin was doing.
“Did I overstep? I’m sorry if I did. Jeno told me you were doing so well in practice already and I wanted to tag along to visit so many times. I really, really wanted to see you but there’s been so many schedules lately and-”
Jaemin steps forward and wraps his arms around Mark to quiet him. “Thank you, hyung.”
Mark freezes up for a second before quickly embracing Jaemin back as well. “Of course. We really missed you.”
“Thank you.” Jaemin repeats, feeling his fears melt away.
“Welcome back, Jaemin.”
✨
Mark leaves two days after that, off to fly to Ukraine to film a music video. He passes by Jeno and Jaemin’s room before the manager picks him up.
“Jaemin, I’ll be heading off but text me if you need to talk, okay?”
“Okay, thank you.” Jaemin waves goodbye, too tired from practice that day to get up from his bed.
When Mark exits the room after talking to Jeno, Jaemin comments, “Hyung’s a good leader.”
Jeno pauses the game on his phone and looks at Jaemin then the hallway.
“Yeah. He is.”
✨
Jaemin is so grateful to his members for making the days go by smoothly. Being shuttled from practice room to recording booth to the dorm is a whirlwind but Jeno’s constant presence by his side helps immensely. Jaemin finds it sweet how all six of them work in tandem to explain things to him and to never leave him alone. He remembers one bleak day of bed rest when he admitted to Jeno that he’s afraid he’ll never be able to go back and maybe Dream would be better to move forward without him. Jeno looked so serious when he gently scolded Jaemin and reminded him what they all promised each other - “It’s all of us or nothing.”
In a way, it affirms the foremost reason Jaemin came back: that pinky promise they all made in the practice room to each other - all or nothing, seven forever. Jaemin’s heart also swells at the warmth he receives from the fans as soon as his return to the group is announced.
He can’t believe he’s here now, filming in L.A. with the members. Even a year back, he didn’t think it was possible but here he is. The knowledge of it makes him giddy, practically bouncing with energy despite the jetlag.
“Hyung, did you drink too much caffeine this morning?” Jisung asks in the van on the way to the filming location.
Chenle swats his arm. “Hey, it’s good that Jaemin hyung’s hyped about this.”
Jeno sneaks a peek at the venti iced americano on Jaemin’s arm rest. “Maybe lay off the caffeine though.”
Jaemin takes a big sip and laughs when Jeno just sighs and shakes his head.
The rest of the filming goes by smoothly and Jaemin feels himself sinking into old, almost forgotten habits. During breaks in the filming, he playfully argues with Donghyuck and pinches Jisung’s cheeks for how cute Jisung’s attempts at looking cool for the concept are.
They finally have dinner sometime late in the evening, ordering food to the set. Filming isn’t done yet, so the managers tell them they can have dinner right at the living room set they have. Jaemin feels content as he leans on Mark beside him, listening to Chenle and Donghyuck talk about a show they've been watching.
“It’s kinda nostalgic seeing Jaemin draped over Mark hyung again.” Donghyuck comments as he steals a fry from Jeno’s plate. Jeno immediately retaliates by grabbing and finishing the rest of Donghyuck’s soda.
“Hyuck, be nice.” Mark says in a warning tone. Jaemin hides his grin behind Mark’s shoulder.
“I wasn’t being mean! It’s cute.” Donghyuck replies.
“Just tell me if it bothers you.” Mark says to Jaemin softly.
“No worries, I know it’s just Donghyuck’s way of saying he missed me.” Jaemin smiles to show Mark that he’s completely unbothered. Admittedly, he’s noticed that Mark’s been treating him more carefully since he came back. Knowing Mark, he probably convinced himself he’s partly to blame for Jaemin’s hiatus, even though that’s hardly the truth. The doctors told him it was an inevitability, and all anyone could do was help him heal and develop better habits to prevent another injury.
Part of Jaemin wants to tell Mark to relax, but he understands this is one of Mark’s idiosyncrasies as their leader. So he lets Mark dote on him, replies to the daily check-up texts, and silently admits to himself that he enjoys being the subject of Mark’s care, even if temporarily.
✨
After spending a year living with his mom, living with the Dream members again is certainly… something. At first, the mess was to be expected with their constant schedules. God bless the dorm auntie that the company hired to clean their dorm twice a week, but the mess was something that Jaemin found himself bothered by eventually.
Their shoes were always scattered in the foyer so Jaemin ordered a shoe cabinet after Chenle tripped over someone’s sneakers. A few members had the habit of leaving dirty dishes all over the dorm. Jaemin then announced in the group chat he’ll impose a 5,000 won fine for every random dish he finds.
Another thing is discovering the obscene amounts of delivery food the members ordered. Jaemin couldn’t blame them since they were boys who were thrown into dorms too early on and spent all their lives in the company building. He’s thankful now that his mom took the time last year to teach him recipes. At first, it was a way to keep Jaemin busy aside from his physical therapy sessions. But now, it is a lifeline in making sure that his members didn’t always rely on delivery food for sustenance.
Bottom line is Jaemin realizes that the members aren’t taking care of themselves as they should. Staring now at Mark sprawled across his bed, Jaemin frowns as he thinks that Mark probably is the worst at it.
They were paired together as roommates for the SMTown concerts in Osaka and they just finished with the first night. Mark had taken his turn first with washing up, while Jaemin had decided to go to the convenience store with Renjun and Jisung. By the time Jaemin returned, Mark was knocked out on his bed and continued to sleep past Jaemin’s alarms in the morning. Even in his sleep, Jaemin can tell the signs of exhaustion on Mark's face.
Jaemin takes a thoughtful sip from his juicebox. He has already finished with his morning shower and there’s only about 45 minutes left till their call time. He should probably wake Mark up so he’d have enough time to shower and eat the fruit and bread Jaemin bought for him.
Jaemin sits at the foot of Mark’s bed and pokes at Mark’s leg. “Mark hyung...”
Mark makes a low groaning sound and simply rolls over, crossing over to Jaemin’s bed. For some reason, their beds were positioned by the hotel staff to be side by side and Mark had simply commented it was cute.
“Hyung, time to get up.” Jaemin stretches to pat Mark’s arm, but receives no response.
Jaemin sighs and shuffles closer to Mark so he can lean right over Mark’s ear and whisper, “Oppa?”
That gets a reaction from Mark finally.
“W-what?” Mark stares at him, eyes now blown wide open and ears turning bright red.
“Mark oppa, time to wake up.” Jaemin stands up and points to the little kitchen counter on top of their hotel refrigerator. “I even prepared breakfast for you.”
“I-what?” Mark looks at Jaemin then the counter then back to Jaemin again.
“I thought that method would work.” Jaemin shrugs. “Used to do it to Donghyuck when we were rooming together as trainees.”
“Oh, okay.” Mark scratches his head while he walks to the bathroom.
When Mark emerges from the bathroom a while later, cheeks flushing pink and towel hanging around his neck, Jaemin tosses his juice to the trash can and approaches Mark.
“We have twenty minutes left, hyung. Eat your breakfast.”
“Wow, you got me watermelon?!” Mark’s eyes practically sparkle as he turns to look at Jaemin.
“Yup, and some bread so your stomach isn’t empty. Here, let me dry your hair while you eat.” Jaemin plugs in the blow dryer and carefully dries Mark’s hair. Thankfully, the kitchen counter space is right in front of a mirror. He notices how brittle Mark’s hair feels so Jaemin rummages in his toiletries bag for his bottle of heat protectant.
“Hyung, you really should buy some products for your hair. You might get bald in two years at this rate. Maybe lay off the hair dye as well, you know?” Jaemin looks up at the lack of response and meets Mark’s gaze through the mirror. Mark is smiling at him with what Jaemin can tell is fondness.
“Hyung.” Jaemin pokes Mark’s neck with the blow dryer.
“Okay, okay! Let me know what to buy.” Mark takes a bite from the bread. “Thank you, Jaemin. You’re really good at this. Taking care of things.”
Jaemin shrugs. “Someone has to do it. You should take better care of yourself, hyung.”
Mark’s eyes lock with his again in the mirror. It’s a loaded statement. Jaemin knows that Mark knows he wasn’t just referring to the sorry state of Mark’s hair.
“Yeah, don’t worry about me.” Mark says flippantly as he usually does. Jaemin makes a face at him. Easier said than done.
✨
Maybe one of the biggest drawbacks of being an idol is spending your year-end holidays crammed in vans and dressing rooms. In order to escape from the chaos, Jaemin asks the staff if he could wait for his turn for hair and makeup in one of the vans. Thankfully, the manager agrees and Jaemin has a blessed hour of quiet. He’s reading a text from his Mom when the van door opens.
“Sorry, sorry.” Mark gets in and quickly shuts the door.
“It’s okay. I wasn’t sleeping. Just texting my mom.” Jaemin raises his phone so Mark can see the screen.
“Oh, okay. Wish her a happy new year from me.” Mark settles into the seat right beside. Jaemin just nods and double checks his phone is on silent so it won’t accidentally go off and wake Mark up.
A few minutes of quiet pass by and Jaemin ponders which game he can play with low volume so that he doesn’t disturb the silence.
“Jaemin, do you ever wish time would stop sometimes?”
Jaemin looks over and sees Mark with his eyes still closed but his fingers are drumming on the armrest.
“I guess. When the alarm goes off and I wanna sleep more but Jeno’s already kicking my bed before heading to the shower.”
Mark huffs out a laugh. “Yeah, I get that.”
They lapse into silence again and Jaemin knows that Mark had another point with that question. He’s usually not who Mark goes to for talking because frankly talking isn’t his strong suit. That’s Renjun, who has brought up therapy to Jaemin several times to process his hiatus and comeback emotions (but Jaemin turns him down). Or Jeno, who’s always ready to listen. Or Donghyuck, who is Mark’s partner in everything. Something in the way Mark looks, shoulders tense and face dimly visible from the parking lot lights, compels Jaemin to try.
“I don’t wish for time to stop though, hyung. I would wish for more time together. As a group.”
Mark sighs. “Yeah. Is it selfish that I- well- I’ll miss you all and I want nothing more than to see you all grow and get big. But is it selfish that I don’t want someone to be brought into the group in my place?”
“Guess I’d be selfish too in that case, because that was me all of last year.” Jaemin replies. “No one’s taking your place. Even though you graduate today, you’ll still be our leader. Always. We promised that.”
It’s the truth, plain and simple.
Jaemin has spent the last month in schedule after schedule so he feels the emotional bulk of Mark’s graduation hasn’t quite hit him like it has for the others. Jisung spent the entire van ride crying in the back after filming Mark’s appreciation party content yesterday. Renjun and Jaemin had taken him out to frozen yogurt to console him and it didn’t escape Jaemin’s notice that Renjun’s eyes were getting teary as well the longer they talked. Maybe it will hit when they start spending more time without Mark than with Mark next year, but for now, Jaemin wants to focus on the present. And the present involves a Mark who is rarely vulnerable in this way that Jaemin wishes to care for.
Jaemin reaches his arm over and hesitantly takes Mark’s hand into his. “You know, I- we love you, right?”
Mark’s eyes open and they’re glassy and wholly focused on Jaemin’s face. Jaemin squeezes Mark’s hand to prompt him to nod.
“And because we love you and you love us, there’s nothing to worry about. We’ll come back together again. I don’t care how or when, but I know we will. We’ll text you and we’ll call you and we’ll meet up for dinners when you’re free. Every time someone has to lead us in a group chant, we’ll call you. So much that you’ll block us, like the one time you got annoyed with everyone and ignored us for a day.”
“I won’t block your number.” Mark protests but he’s smiling softly now.
“You’ll always be a part of Dream, hyung. A silly little graduation won’t change that.” Jaemin squeezes Mark’s hand again before slipping his hand away, but Mark grabs at his wrist.
“I- You said yesterday, when we were filming…” Mark hesitates and Jaemin just blinks at him, unsure where this is going.
Mark leans across the car aisle and clumsily pulls Jaemin closer. The arm rest digs into Jaemin’s ribs and the angle of his arm that Mark holds on to is awkward.
“Uh, hyung?” Soft lips press against his cheek and Jaemin freezes in surprise. Mark stares back at him, ears turning red.
“A kiss, right? That’s what you wanted as a gift.”
Jaemin smiles so widely and laughs in delight. Ah this hyung .
“Well, if that’s how it is.” Jaemin pulls Mark close and kisses his cheek a couple times. “One for graduation, and one for a happy new year.”
Jaemin feels alight, realizing Mark didn’t pull away as he usually did. Mark grins in that nervous and embarrassed way he does and pats Jaemin’s cheek before he moves back to a comfortable position in his seat.
“Happy New Year, Jaemin.”
“Happy New Year, hyung.”