Chapter Text
Awake again and so early in the morning, too.
Eyelids flutter open to reveal beautiful irises that hold more emptiness than they should. (Y/n) should have been feeling better in the morning, but the dreaded hangout she scheduled with Alfred hovered over her head. It occupied her thoughts, bringing forth what-ifs and what-nows? The sun had just woke up, peeking through the holes within her blinds and kissing her skin. The woman pushes herself up from her bed to get ready for the day. Something light, something casual to look presentable but not too flashy to cause too much attention to her. The usual get-up she wears for outings was fine, and accompanied by accessories, her look was complete.
Returning to her room, she heard the blaring alarm of her phone. She set up a line of alarms for the morning, in case she doesn't wake up early enough to get ready. The last thing she wanted was for Alfred to wait for her in her living room, prolonging their day. Her relationship with Alfred wasn't at all strained, no, but the thoughts that chewed her mind were. To compare Alfred and Jones was wrong, but her brain doesn't know that. The human mind, as boggling as it could be, was simple.
If they look like someone she knew, then it was someone she knew.
But did she really know Jones like she had gotten to know Alfred over the year they spent as friends? She remembered Jones loved comics as much as Alfred; he desired burgers, beer, and everything American. Alfred loves the same things and it's hard to ignore that fact. Too many similarities at once, it was difficult to discern who was the living counterpart and who was dead. As much as she'd love to get over Jones, a splitting image of him existed in her life and had been persistent.
A bug, a healing factor that she refused to accept wholeheartedly and embraced with cautious arms.
How strange life had gotten for her.
(Y/n), in a daze, watched the alarms go off, only to turn them off one by one. One rang, another turned off, then the following alarms started. Eventually she picked up her phone and turned everything off. She grabbed her belongings and arrived at her living room. With the TV now on, she sat still and waited. Idly, she'd read messages sent overnight by friends. Felicia seemed to be enjoying her life, Gilbert says hi every now and then, and Matthew sends pictures of Kuma, thinking she might need it. Of course, there were the occasional texts from Alfred, who often sent her things over social media.
Photos of cats, posts of dogs, cooking videos, anything that she might like, he sent. They've bonded over mutual interests over the year and she supposed she saw him as a friend rather than an acquaintance. She was comfortable enough to hang out with him without others around and they had each other's numbers. Alfred may have lived in a separate apartment from Matthew, but he visits the Canadian's house often. He described it as a bonding experience, but Matthew just says that he's being a pest and stealing all the snacks he had in the kitchen.
Regardless, Matthew loved his cousin enough to keep him around. Alfred slept over, eventually having a gaming set up in the home. He might as well lives there.
Thinking of the devil, he just sent her a text. A low rumble of a car could be heard outside of her front door. He was here, already, and ever so impatient. (Y/n) stood up and walked outside, leaving her home unattended, but locked to prevent intrusions. She walked to her driveway, finding Alfred standing outside his car with the largest smile on his face.
"Hey hey hey!" He grinned, running over to her. His arms were outstretched and before she knew it, he hugged her. "Missed you!" Loud...he was loud...and bright like the morning sun. It doesn't help that he wore a white t-shirt to make him even brighter.
"Alfred, we saw each other last week."
"Doesn't matter. I love seeing my friends!"
He put her down and beckoned her over to the passenger seat. He opened the door for her and allowed her to clamber inside.
Ever the gentleman he was.
(Y/n) got comfortable and looked around the vehicle. Nothing too drastic. The car was well loved. Sleek black interior with decorations that spoke of his personality. It was accented with red, white, and blue decorations, ranging from small cat and dog dashboard statues and air fresheners. His leather seats squeaked under his weight and with the engine on, the car purred. The air conditioning blew the scent of Bayside breeze directly towards them.
A well loved modified car paid for by his money he got from a job in economics. He was a statistical data analyst for a large company downtown, which is where he lived. Though, his second home is with Matthew, much to the Canadian's dismay.
Alfred moved around again, getting comfortable himself. His large frame dwarfed the interior of his car. He works out, she knew. Everything they hugged she could feel the improvement of the workout routine that he loves boasting about. He was like a frat guy, but a nicer version that drank moderately and loved protein. He pulled out his phone and tossed in the console, perfectly slotting at the space between the cupholders. He then gave her the cord that connected to his dashboard's screen.
(Y/n) looked at it then found his eyes. "Don't you need that for navigation?"
"Nah. I've got the route memorized and everything. I'm taking us to this big giant super mall in downtown that I think you'll like. It's got designer and everything, and there's this really bomb burger joint that we can totally eat at." His eyes were shining underneath the sun. Despite the dark tint of his windshield, his blue irises sparkled with what little light peeked through. "So take it. I'd love for you to play music! Just want ya to be comfortable jamming to anything you want. I'm not exactly a giant stickler on music because I'll listen to anything, so don't be embarrassed to play."
Alfred's signature grin returned, his teeth pearly white and well-kept. (Y/n) nodded her head and grabbed the aux cord from him, plugging it into her phone and putting on her choice of music. The speakers play whatever song she picked and immediately after, Alfred pulled out of her driveway. The car purrs and rumbles with speed, but he was a safe and careful driver.
The last time she was in Alfred's car, it was with Matthew and he would nag Alfred with worry that they would crash. "I'll kill you first before you kill us with your reckless driving, Al," Matthew's voice echoed in her memories. With (Y/n) in the passenger seat, he seemed to be more conscious of his driving. Accidents, after all, was the third worst killer in the States. With music blasting through his speakers, his car rumbled with bass as well. His fingers tapped on the steering wheel to the rhythm, a smile every persistent on his features.
"Ya know...we should make like- a collaborative playlist," Alfred remarked. His car was idle on a stoplight, and they were a few cars behind their turn. "I have one with Mattie and another one with my friend Mathias! I think we should have one so next time we go out together, we don't have to fight for who gets aux."
Though, they never really fought for control. He just willingly gave it to her without question.
(Y/n) blinked before nodding. "Right...I think we should. It'd be a nice blend, I think."
Alfred smiled at her, again. "Yeah! I uhh...also apologize in advance if we have some fuck ass country song in there. Not modern country! No, just like the old kinda country." A nervous laugh left his mouth as he sped off again, his hand tapping nervously on the wheel.
"It's a blend, Alfred, we're supposed to listen to each other's music and see what's different and the same between us. I won't care that much if you don't mind my music taste also," (Y/n) replied. A small smile appeared on her face before she turned her attention towards the window beside her. The buildings pass by them and silence cut their conversation short. Alfred had to focus on driving to a parking garage beside the mall and she had to be his second pair of eyes.
Eventually, they arrived, found a parking spot, and clambered out of the car. Alfred had opened the door for her and offered his hand to help her up, with (Y/n) taking it. She couldn't turn that down, not when he was making the effort to treat her well. She wondered if this was the same treatment his others friend got, too. She hasn't really heard much from the others and Alfred doesn't like to talk about his other friendships around her and Matthew. His attention was devoted to the people he was with.
Right now, it was her.
(Y/n) pulled her hand away from his and gently scratched her arm. She followed Alfred towards the mega mall. This was a new spot, recently built, filled with stores that were either too expensive for her pay grade or she simply had no interest in. Alfred seemed particularly excited to show her around. He kept his pace slow enough for her to keep up with, walking side by side with each other.
"You see any stores you like, come tell me about it! We can go see what's inside," he grinned. "I got this fat paycheck coming in at the end of this week so if you'd like anything, tell me about it, okay?"
The woman's eyebrows rose before she looked away, embarrassed. "No, it's okay. You don't have to pay for my stuff, Al." The blond shrugged his shoulders before bumping his elbow with her arm.
"Hey, don't worry about it! Just wanted to spot for you in case you didn't have the funds, you feel me? Also! The burgers are gonna be on me. I want you to experience the joy that is The Mega-cheesy giant double-stacked bacon supreme." His mouth watered at the thought of it.
(Y/n), however, laughed and shook her head. She could have split the bill with him, but he didn't seem like the type to share it with her. He would argue that he was the one who asked her to hang out with him, so he was paying. It's a logic that she can't understand much, but she doesn't want to fight. She doesn't have it in her. "I'm assuming that's going to be your order? Heartburn supreme?"
"Hey! It's not that bad...I only had to take one chewable tablet of heartburn medicine for it but I promise you, it's so worth it." Another nudge and a smile shared between them. "So you hungry first or do we wanna walk around and go shopping?"
She shrugged her shoulders and looked around at the passing stores in the megamall. "I'm fine with either or, really. What are you in the mood for?"
With a pat of his belly, his mouth still watering, the answer obvious. "Burgers first. I could fuck up that mega-cheesy giant double stacked bacon supreme. Or- I guess- the heartburn supreme. Come on, I know the way." Ever touchy, he grabbed her wrist and led her through the crowd. His tall form weaved through groups of people, leading (Y/n) to a burger joint that was packed with people, but not enough to hinder customers from going in and out of the establishment.
The smell of burgers, beer, fries, caramelized onions drifted from the front door. The glass entrance did little to stop Alfred from approaching a front desk server and asking for a table for two. (Y/n) stood there awkwardly, her eyes observing others as they ate their huge, stacked burgers and greasy fries. There were a few that enjoyed salads and sweet desserts. An All-American restaurant that seemed to serve a lot, but offered choices for others that enjoyed other meals.
A lot of options for a woman who doesn't even know what she's going to eat. Though, she was aware that she was hungry. She didn't eat this morning and had been reserving stomach space for this restaurant, knowing somehow that Alfred would take them out to eat. Of course, the meal came first before they would sweat and burn the calories by walking around. She just didn't think it'd be at a megamall that was recently built. Maybe Felicia might ask her to go shopping here, but that was for another time.
(Y/n) was whisked away soon after. Alfred dragged her to a corner table. It was a safe spot, comfortable, away from prying eyes. Suddenly the world closed in on them and the people around them were not the focus anymore. Menus were given, and she ordered whatever caught her interest. Alfred ordered what he had been craving for the past hour. That...terrible, giant burger that could cause a heart attack, but he seemed to enjoy it a lot.
Not much happened between them as they waited for their food. Alfred told her about his day, how his eyes sparkled as he talked about his live-streaming hobby he started, and how he's been bothering Matthew. All she could do was smile and nod, showing interest. They exchanged words, though there wasn't much importance to it.
They ate together, silently, though, Alfred could be described as a messy eater, like how she saw in Matthew's house the other day. He ate like a starved man with his first meal in years. That burger was nothing to him, and not to mention the soda he drank with eager gulps. He sipped loudly, the suction ringing out from the glass with ice clattering about. The stacked, smashed burger fell apart in mere minutes, with pieces of lettuce and tomatoes dripping out to his plate like it was nothing. Their food was demolished within minutes, though they contrasted with elegance and grace. She was half worried that he would die by choking on his food.
The woman sat there, her plate completely clean, while Alfred slurped his third cup of soda. His hand hurriedly wiped his mouth with the back of his wrist, leaving a few crumbs behind. He ate a lot, yet it's a wonder how he kept in shape. She grabbed her wallet, leaving Alfred blinking.
"Woah woah woah woah, wait a minute," he spoke. He grabbed his wallet and slid his card atop the bill. "My treat, remember?" (Y/n)'s face twisted with confusion, but she pulled her card away.
"Are you sure? I can pay. I-"
"Dude, I'm not letting you pay and that's final. Just let me do this. Just this once."
But she had a feeling this won't be just once.
(Y/n) shrugged her shoulders and put her card away. She would just pay for another day they hung out with each other. The restaurant was given a generous tip, maybe more than twenty percent than what was owed. Alfred was either loaded with money or he cared plenty about their server. Could she blame him? Their server had been attentive to their needs and was a lovely person to be around.
Leaving the restaurant, they walked around the mall again, enjoying each other's company. With the various stores they visited, he offered to pay for her. To onlookers, it might be romantic, but their relationship was more so platonic. She just considers him a relatively close friend who has more free will to do anything he wanted with her, which entails acting as a gentleman and buying whatever she wanted.
They found themselves at a bookstore, browsing the historical fiction section that Alfred loved scouring. He picked up a book and leaned on his leg, reading the introduction. (Y/n) stood around, browsing the available titles she has yet to read. "You ever finish that war book you read the other day, Al?"
"Hm?" Alfred peeked over the curve of the book. "Oh! The one about World War 2? Uhhh...I mean I finished it the other day actually. I enjoyed it. Reminds me about this one photo of a couple kissing before the soldier goes out for war. It's a good way to write romance. I'm glad the protagonists got together." He put his book lower, revealing the smile he always had on. Toothy, his canines peeking just under his upper lip. A smile as bright as the sun, with hair as golden as the giant star.
"I'm still surprised that you read romance," (Y/n) remarked, picking out a book that caught her eye. Something about a world war two soldier falling in love with someone in the countryside of Italy. Idly reading it, her eyes scanned the book.
"Hey! Nothing wrong with reading a bit of romance. Feel like I need it in my life after a string of terrible exes in college," he huffed, "could never find a person that enjoyed my taste in books than the taste of my pecs. Thought maybe being both the brains and brawn kept people around."
Brains? Sure, a college degree could measure his intelligence, but sometimes, even the obvious goes above his head. She arched a brow at his confession. "You mean to tell me no one has stuck around with you for long? How come, Al?"
The blond huffed and rolled his eyes. "Never found the one or whatever the fuck Matthew's been spewing. He's been hanging out with his dad waaay too much that he believes in all that romance stuff. Not that I mind, I suppose, dude needs his hobbies anyway," he mumbled. His book dipped down, his fingers pinching the lower end of the spiral.
"Love is just gonna be a lot on my plate. I've got work and friends I need to take care of first. Matthias been bothering me about streaming more with him, but that's only a hobby, you know? I mean it'd be nice if I had someone, but it's not even a thing I wish for. But- it's fine! It's fine. I mean not like I've been hoping to find the one to be reading books and eating burgers with me. I guess that's hard to find." Not that he seemed to state the obvious of their hang out. Yet, somehow his words went over his head. Biting the inside of his cheek, he huffed. He pulled up the book again, enjoying the last few pages of the introduction before closing it.
"You break up with them or they break up with you?"
"I mean the break ups have been pretty mutual. Different people with different interests. Did get with this...uhh...girl on the internet. Never really saw her face, but she was a sweetheart. Just never stuck around because she didn't seem...I dunno...really that interested in me. Little to no responses, it was driving me crazy."
Another arched brow from her and he sighed. "I mean she was okay. Affectionate through the calls and texts we shared. She was my friend first though and it could have worked if it weren't for the fact that she was ghosting me. Doesn't matter anymore, you know?" Alfred shrugged and started walking, (Y/n) follow close after.
"You find anything that grabs your attention? Any books you find online?" He asked, adjusting the book so that it sat between his side and his bicep. Not exactly a conventional way to hold it, but after the past few hang outs she's had with him last year, it seemed to be his way of doing things. "Like any dark romance? Regular romance? History? Maybe even manga or comics? Oh! Speaking of...I need to run down the comic book store later and grab the latest Superman issue, oh and this new Spider-Man run that is absolutely fantastic, you should read it!"
There he went, his words leaving his mouth before he could even think about what to say next. It wasn't much of a issue. It was part of his charm. She didn't have of a choice when he was her ride.
"Not a lot," (Y/n) mumbled, scratching her cheek with her pointer finger, "I mean I've been reading stuff online, that kind of stuff. Mostly audio books. Have to constantly be on the go now. My therapist said I should pick up a few more hobbies that require physical activity, so I've been taking walks with Kuma and Mattie recently. It's been fun."
Alfred walked to the checkout, pulling out his membership card before grabbing the book he found interesting. From what she can see on the title, it was a book detailing the European theatre of the war. The cover of Normandy had caught her attention. Not much else to do in the megamall other than walking around another lap before returning to the car parked in the garage. With bags of their belongings in hand, they clambered into the vehicle.
The engine purrs to life and air conditioning kissed their skin. It was cold in here, comparably better to the weather outside. The smell of his choice of air freshener filled the air around them. Bayside breeze: fresh, clean, sweet. Maybe like him.
No.
Exactly like him.
(Y/n) relaxed on her seat, watching as the day passed them by again. At the comic book store, which had been a few minutes away from the mall, they kept close. The walls were plastered with various comic books covered by plastic wrappings and cardboard backs. There were figurines of all kinds, anime and western, on shelves. Alfred was buzzing like a child, his smile persistent on his face as he looked through the various shelves. He plucks a few comics, ranging from DC, Marvel, and independent authors. He seemed particularly excited about a Captain America issue, even presenting it to her with glee.
"Dude, look!" The issue was the first edition of the Captain America line in 1941. "I don't have this in my collection, dude, look at this!" The cover had a depiction of Captain America punching a well known...political figure. For its time, it was plausible especially with the war going on. She knew Alfred was a history buff, particularly interested in the second world war. "This would go great with the rest of my Captain America collection!"
He looked like a child being given a giant lollipop. His joy was infectious, dangerous even. (Y/n) smiled alongside him and watched as he paid for the things he needed. She also had a handful of things herself, picking up a few items that she might fancy or enjoy. When the day finished, he drove her back to her place, tapping the steering wheel in tune with her music. He mentioned a shared playlist again because "that what friends do!" and helped her get her things from his trunk.
The loud purr of his muscle car hummed throughout the neighborhood, it's low rumble a symbol of strength and loudness he always carried.
"Dude that was hella fun," he grinned. Without warning, he hugged her and spun her around. "Lets do that again sometime! Dude that was like hella fun!" Loud...loud, loud. And touchy. Very touchy.
(Y/n) blinked before laughing. "We will, if you put me down." Which he did. Gently, he placed her back on her feet and laughed. His hands fidgeted and he looked nervous, almost embarrassed that he showed that kind of weakness.
"Sorry if I uhhh-" he moved his hand in a circle-like motion, "did that. Didn't mean to do that? You know? I usually do that with like...my younger cousins and stuff like that. Not even my family is safe from me. Sorry if I overstepped boundaries dude, just let me know if you don't want me to do that again."
The young woman tilted her head up, her eyes finding his bright blues. "I honestly don't mind anymore. It's not like it's the first time you've ever done that to me. I'm used to it by now." Gently, she patted his biceps, which seemed to twitch underneath her touch. "Well...this is it, isn't it? Good night, Al. Till next time?"
The blond chirped up, his lips arching to a large smile again. "Sure! Yeah...next time! I'll call you? Text you when I'm free, when we're free." He laughed, though she wasn't sure if that was out of anxiousness or uncontrollable excitement. Alfred was very much like Kuma, which was such a stark difference from Matthew. No wonder he bonds so well with the dog.
The American stood still, scratching the back of his neck and looking back at his car. "So uhhh...Good night. Imma head home," he smiled at her. He backed up slowly, waving, before rushing to his car to get started. From the corner of her eye, she could see lights from Matthew's place turn on. Maybe Kuma heard the loud car, or maybe Matthew was going to yell at his cousin for being a dickhead at night.
Either way, Alfred sped off without another word, leaving (Y/n) to her lonesome. Kuma's distant barking could be heard from beyond the William's residence and the lights were off once more. The young woman grabbed her things, placed them in their respective places in her home, before entering her bedroom to rest. The nightly routine didn't entail much: shower, freshen up, change, skin care. She didn't want to overcomplicate things and she stuck to routine.
Sitting at her desk, she grabbed a piece of paper and picked up a pen. It wasn't extravagant, but it was enough.
Dearest Jones,
How are you? Well, hopefully. I hope you've found the peace you've sought and prayed for. After everything, you deserve a breath of fresh air and rest. I've been doing well myself. The usual happens over the week. Most of it is routine and insignificant. I would hate to bore you with the most mundane things that happen in my life, so I rarely write to you as much. As much as I hate to say, you've become a part of my routine that I cannot keep up with. I do not wish to tell you the mundane things of my life, because I know it will be the same thing over and over again. I do this out of love, because my day happens the same as usual.
Nothing bad, nothing good either.
But, today was different. I saw him again. You know- your twin, your doppelganger. Something like that. We went out today, but not in a way you think. Just something friendly. Not like we've never done it before, you know? He offered to buy me stuff, paid for my food. Thought it was just him being nice, so I didn't think much of it. He ate this giant burger that I believe you would have had a heart attack seeing.
Of course, I can never guess if you truly do like seeing this super stacked, double cheeseburger with bacon and grease or if you would recoil in it with fear. I suppose it doesn't really matter. He eats like a pig, but there's nothing wrong with that I guess. He's just a very messy eater. He loves getting his hands dirty, loves stuffing his mouth, but at least he was modest enough to not talk with his mouth full. I think Matthew is getting to him.
Alfred...reminds me a lot of you, actually, and I hate to admit it. In every aspect, somehow, you share it with him. Even the job, the major, his interests are too similar. They're too much like you, and that's hard to ignore itself. I can't tell if this is truly you or if my brain is fucked up enough that I can't tell the difference between the both of you. He boasted about having a Captain America collection, thought about expanding his current Marvel collection too. He loves Captain America as much as you. I bought some comics that I thought you might like. You mentioned you liked the hero, figured I could buy it for you.
I read some of it. I can tell it was...a product of its time, but they're collectibles, so I'll cherish them because they're the things you would love.
They're also the things Alfred loves too.
I suppose I should spare you the complicated thoughts of my own feelings. You aren't my journal, and you were never meant to be someone I could rant to, but you listen anyway. I guess I miss you, enough that I write to you even when you never respond to me. I'll let you rest and get your head together. I hope you're thinking of me, or at least, I hope you remember me as I remember you. Even if I only saw your ghost, would that be enough for you to know it's me?
Lovingly and Forever yours,
(Y/n).
Placing the pen down on the side of the paper, (Y/n) grabbed an envelope from another drawer and tucked the letter inside. Sealed with glue and signed with a date on it, it was placed inside her desk drawer, left to be read by no one. The night grew still once more and the darkness consumed her.
Nothing lurked in the shadows anymore.